and I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on but now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own

I checked my email as I stared at my laptop screen blankly, hoping to get an e-mail from Caleb. Nothing. I glanced outside the window of my small office, I could see his winery from there and I wondered what he was doing. During the past week I had gotten a few e-mails from him but they were all work related and cold. I guessed I had to consider myself lucky enough to still have my bakery but truth was my mood was set on sad and never changed. I'd get over it though, or so I kept repeating to myself.
"Tara!" Came Dennis' voice before he appeared with a gorgeous puppy of golden retriever in his arms and a cute expression on his face. "Look at what I found!"

love yourself

"Colbs?" I said as I watched Colbs, sitting into her car with a blank face.
"Hi." She said softly, turning off the car and getting out.
"Hey. You ready for the tour? I have a few things I need your opinion on too." I told her even if she knew it already since that was the reason why she was here, to see Will's new room and the kitchen.
"Yeah. You already know I trust you." She shrugged.
"Yeah but it's your house. I want your input."
She nodded. "Okay."

caught in the overflow

"So I can come by the house next Thursday." I told the brunette sitting across the desk in my office, smiling at her.
"Great! Here's my number." She grabbed my hand and wrote directly on it. "And um, you can call even if it's not about the house." She replied, smiling as she got up and turned around in her sky high heels and passed Colbie by. Wait. Colbie!?
"Colbie." I replied, looking at her. "What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to bring by some cookies..." She trailed off. "I didn't realize your new job was such a babe magnet." She said, spitting the words out bitterly.
"Excuse me?" I rose a brow at her.
"Nothing." She said, setting the plate of cookies on my desk.
"Colbie."

I can give you everything that you want

I rolled over onto my side and opened my eyes slowly, almost squealing when my eyes meet Caleb's. My stomach flipped and I couldn't help but smile, no matter how hard I bit down on my bottom lip. What was I doing in his guest house, in bed with him, not able to say no when it was time to go to sleep? What were we doing? I didn't even want to start guessing.
"Morning." He said in that low groggy voice that made my toes curl for how both sexy and cute it was, his hand lifting to push my hair behind my ear gently and moving the sheet covering him in the process, the view of his naked and perfectly sculpted torso reminding me that we didn't just slept. When I thought about, the only sentence my brain could come with was oh my god. My mind went completely blank.

don’t want for us to end where do I start

I walked out the back of my bakery, wiping my forehead with my arm after setting a box on the ground, the one with the things I wanted to throw away, while most of the other ones with my stuff were still in the part of my bakery I used as a office even if it was basically a hole. I kept my eyes on Caleb shamelessly as I noticed him walking towards me, his expression a questioning one, his brows furrowed together. I hadn't seen him much since our last talk and I didn't know if it was because of what had happened or for other reasons, but I was determined to keep our friendship intact. Even if rejection still burned.
"I knocked on the front but it was closed." He said once he was close enough for me to hear.

i wish you the best of all this world can give

Flashback;

always and forever

I took one last deep breath as I squeezed Jakes hands that were resting on my stomach before we both stood up, said bye to the future parents around us and walked out the building. I had been obsessed with yoga for about two years now but since I had gotten pregnant I had decided to join a special class, forcing Jake to be with me. He, being the amazing man that he was, hadn't argued about it too much.
"That was a good one, wasn't it?" He asked, grabbing my hand as we walked down the street, a smirk on his face that said it all.
I narrowed my eyes on him, my free hand on my belly, "You're happy just because we only have two more lessons left." I said but smiled when he made a silly scrunchy face that I loved so much.
"I swear I learnt so much that now I could start a class myself." He smirked at me, looking amused by his own words.

still growing up

I glanced at Will as I caught him look around, his eyes not on the TV screen anymore. "What are you thinking about?" I asked after swallowing a sip of beer.
He shrugged, looking back at me. "I like this place, it's pretty cool." He commented simply. "Did you bring mom here too?"
"Yeah, once." I answered quietly, rethinking about the first time I had made love to Colbie. I had never been to the cabin after that, until a few days back when I had moved in since my house wasn't mine anymore. "Next time you come if it's not cloudy at night I'll show you how good you can see the stars from here." I added with a smile, trying to think about more positive things. "Or we can get up early and see the sun rise before going out with the boat."

they say I should be a strong man but baby, I'm still filled with fear

flashback;

I kept my eyes on Will's mom as I pretended to listen to one of Adam's friends, his words boring while her curves were very entertaining instead. If only I could touch. Unfortunately I knew that a barbecue with my family wasn't the right time to hit on her. Maybe. I tried to eavesdrop on whatever Lila and Travis were telling her...and they were talking about me. Bingo, that was my opening.
Trav nodded to me and I turned to Colbie, smiling and walking closer to them. "She doesn't know me but I know her." I cut into the conversation, grinning wide as I looked her up and down obviously. "I saw you so many times at the games."
"Careful sis, he's famous for his lines." Lila teased me.

it's the little things baby

Monday

"Mom! Do you know where my green hat is?!" I grabbed it off the chair in the living room and finished putting his lunch box together. 

"I've got it! Don't forget sunblock!" 

fate fell short this time

Tuesday;

I walked into my new office with a smile on my face, happy about how my life was turning. Or at least about my job. I had a shit ton things to do but I didn't care, I didn't care if I was going to be exhausted and without a break for a very long time, this was my dream becoming true. My eyes dropped on the bouquet of beers on my desk. Uh? Weird.
I reached for the card and read it.
"Jax,
Remember the Green Mill Brewery I took you to and we had the flight of beers that you've said were the best you've ever tasted? Well here's the full size. Enjoy them double for me since I can't drink them. ;)
I love you
-Colbie" 

I blinked. If she thought that getting me drunk would make me forget about all her mistakes she needed to buy me a whole fucking brewery.

I'm feeling this

Caleb opened his door and saw me standing there in my little green sundress, holding a whole basket full of pastries. When things in life got hard, I baked. And Caleb not coming over after spending the night inside of me was definitely a good reason to cook like a crazy person. "Hi." U smiled and blushed a little, my eyes looking up at him.
"Hi." He looked over in my basket. "Are you feeding a small army?"
I blinked away from him and looked in my basket. "Oh! No I always bring the extras I have to the battered women's shelter but I thought I'd see if you wanted anything first."
He widened his eyes and shook his head. "Not if I'm taking them from battered women I don't!" He exclaimed which made me laugh. "I'm sure you could have one instead." I licked my lips. "How are you? You didn't come see me."

im gonna love you like i've never been broken

We walked out the doctors office in silence, finally, everything had gone well, without arguing, without fighting, but also without really connecting at all. I felt empty without him, even filled with our daughter.

sweet disposition

We walked out the doctors office in silence, finally, everything had gone well, without arguing, without fighting, barely talking to be honest but it hadn't been awkward. Maybe we really had a chance to make this work.
"So..." Colbie trailed off, glancing up at me as we headed to our cars. "Everything's fine with our baby."
I nodded and smiled at the thought of my daughter, I was starting to get impatient to become a father, it was electrifying even if I still had so much to do. "Yeah, thank god." I said quietly, thinking about our Ruby growing healthy and strong and beautiful for sure. "When's the next appointment?"
"The doctor said her assistant will call me." She replied and I could tell she was lost into her thoughts, I didn't want to know them though.
"Okay good. Let me know." I told her before opening my car, my mind already going to what I was going to do later in the day.

everybody's looking for that something

"Hey handsome." I smirked as I leaned into Travis' office. He was sitting at his desk, his suit coat hung up and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. When he heard my voice he grinned and my heart skipped. He was so fu.cking hot it wasn't even fair.

you got me hypnotized

"Hey handsome." Lila smirked as she leaned into my office. 

I was sitting at my desk, working and not expecting to see her. When I heard her voice I grinned. "What are you doing here?" I asked, leaning back and making it obvious as my eyes traveled over her body. She was wearing a sleeveless blouse tucked into a tight black pencil skirt and high heels. So hot.

"I had a meeting downtown and thought I'd take you to lunch." She replied.

"I'll do you one better. I'm going home early." 

my pressure on your hips, sink in my fingertips

I was taking a long walk instead of sleeping pills when I noticed the lights at the bakery still on and I walked up to it, knocking on the door.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" Tara asked, her eyes dark and sad.

lost in you

I rolled my glass between my palms, staring at nothing as I considered lighting a cigarette, but I was drinking already and I didn't want to pass out when I was alone so late at night in my bakery and no one didn't even know I was there. No one knew where I was, no one knew that John and I were over because I needed some time for myself, to stay alone and think about it. I had given him an ultimatum, telling him that I couldn't keep waiting for him to give me attentions and time, that I was tired of feeling alone. I had homed he would have told me that he understood me, that I was right, that he missed me as much as I missed him, instead all I had got was him telling me that he couldn't change the man he was. That wasn't love to me, and major like that, without even a fight, we had broken up. I was now single, heartbroken and homeless too. I was swimming in a sea of sadness. Drowning more like it, even though I knew that our decision was for the best.

i don't feel right when you're gone away

I paced my living room like a mad woman. On the one hand seeing Jax made my heart ache, but on the other I loved to have him near me no matter how much it hurt. What was wrong with me? And not only that I was now a nervous wreck to tell my son I was pregnant. Lord knew it wasn't the best parenting to have a baby with a man I was no longer with. I saw Jax's truck pulling up and opened the door before they even got to ring the bell.
"Hi mom."

blank space

I headed to the parking lot as soon as the game ended. I was trying to fall into some routine that would make my life stable, that wouldn't make me think too much about the fact that the woman I thought was the love of my life was expecting my daughter but she didn't want me. So I kept myself busy, with family and friends, I helped Travis with the team, but it was still hard. So damn hard there were days I wished I didn't wake up. Then I got mad at myself, I remembered that it wasn't the right state of mind for a man who was about to become a father, a man who had to work hard to create a decent future for his baby girl.
"Jax!!!"

why are we losing time?

I propped my elbow on my desk and leaned my cheek against my fist as I stared at the screen of my laptop blankly, the ringing of skype already annoying me while I wondered why Aria wasn't answering. Was she sleeping already? I did the math in my head quickly, considering the 8 hours separating London from San Francisco and me from her. It had been like this for a little longer than one week now but there was no way I could get used to this, not the time difference, not having her so far. And still, there I was, alone in my old house, with another week to spend away from my wife. I kept repeating to myself that it was needed, and it was, despite how much I had grown used to know and love London, I was missing my job so much I was going crazy. It wasn't just that, the biggest problem was that I couldn't see my future, I had no idea of was my path to follow this time, and that for me was unacceptable. Everything had to be under control, my control. 

all those fairytales are full of shit

I took a deep breath as I stared at my phone. Or more specifically the clock on my phone. I had 15 minutes to make this decision so I had to do it soon. I swallowed and wished like hell I could take a shot of something real strong before I dialed Jax's number.

this was never my mistake

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I nearly jumped, sliding it out and having a heart attack when I saw Colbie's face on the screen. Why was she calling me? This cosuldn't be good. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" I answered on the first ring, my voice coming out harsh but concerned. 

"We're fine." She choked out, sounding really scared.

"What do you want?" I clipped, a little relieved but still wary.

"I'm going to the doctor-" She started.

"I thought you said you were okay." I interrupted.

"I am Jax. I'm fine." She assured me. "It's just a normal check up with my OB-GYN." She added. "But um...." She trailed off. "Do you want to come with me? They can find out if it's a boy or a girl today...." 

i'll kiss you harder baby

I ran my arm across my forehead and set my paintbrush down. I'd been painting probably all day but my time at the beach had left me feeling inspired. But I now realized I was also starving. I glanced at the clock on the wall. I had planned to make dinner for Trav and I tonight but there wasn't time anymore.

the future is ours

"Lil?" I called out as I walked into my girlfriend's house and looked aroundm not finding her anywhere. Maybe she was upstairs. 

She appeared from the stairs, smiling at me as I set my jacket on the back of the couch. "Hey." She smiled and leaned in to kiss me.

"You look like you've been busy." I pointed out, noticing her stained clothes and her messy hair. That only meant one thing: she was painting and had lost track of time.

"I have." She smiled. "How was your day?" 

wanna keep you here

"So you like own this whole club?" The pretty blonde smiled at me and I laughed as I shook my head.
"No I'm just an investor." I replied, motioning to the bartender for another drink.
"So you're rich then?" She asked and I laughed again and shrugged.
"I'm not struggling." I admitted.

for better or worse i got you

I heard someone knocking on the door and I knew Trav wasn't home because he wouldn't knock at his own place.

you got me intoxicated

I knocked on the door of Travis' house, the noise of my fist hitting the wood making me cringe as if someone was trying to make my head explode. I felt awful, there was no other way to phrase it and it only got worse as days passed.
"Jax." Lila said in her soft voice as she opened the door, her eyes taking me in. "Trav is not home."
"I know, he's working like a dog. What's new." I muttered under my breath as I made my way inside and almost tripped on the carpet. "Fuck." I cursed.
Lila followed me into the kitchen, her eyes not leaving me for even a moment. "Are you drunk?" She asked after a moment.
"No, hangover." I answered in a groggy voice and sat on a chair by the table, tempted to lay on it.

this summer's gonna hurt

I walked to the bar of the trendy club where I was supposed to meet my friend and saw Caleb instead, busy flirting with a very young blonde girl. Interesting.
"Caleb?"
He turned his head. "Tara." He widened his eyes. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?" I asked. "This place doesn't really strike me as your type."
He laughed because of course I was right. I was starting to know him very well. "He owns it." The blonde said, staring down me with a glare. "And we were just leaving."
"You own what?" I blinked, taking a second to look at the girl and then back at him.
"I invested in this club." He replied, shrugging.
"Seriously?" I looked around and then took a seat at the bar stool, my dress inching up my thigh so much the guy next to my started staring.
"Um yeah. What are you doing here?"

talk to me, for just a little while

My head was pounding as I walked down the stairs before I realized that someone was knocking on my door. I blinked and walked over to it, opening it slowly only to find my sisters boyfriend standing there.
"Travis?"

lonely eyes

I knocked on the door of Colbie's house, hearing her steps before she opened, her eyes wide as she saw me. "Travis?" She questioned as if she didn't expect me to show up. And she didn't really, I had thought about having a talk with her for the last few days and now it was time for action.
"Hi Colbie, can I come in?" I asked quietly, my face giving nothing away even if I was mad at this woman for more reasons than one. Only I knew that I needed patience and calm if I wanted to get something positive about this.
"I..." She trailed off and I didn't wait for her answer, instead I walked inside and looked around for Will. "I guess it wasn't really a question."
"No it wasn't." I said with a shrug before raising the tone of my voice. "Will!" I shouted, guessing that he was upstairs in his room, while Colbie winced.
"What are you doing Travis, you have no right-" she started but I cut her off.

if i fall for you ill never recover

"You don't look happy." I pointed out, walking up to Tara as she frowned at a beautiful cake.
"What?" She looked shocked that anyone was there and broke into a smile when she saw me, something that always almost knocked me off my feet.
"What did that cake ever do to you?" I asked, shooting her a little smirk to let her know I was just teasing.

know everything about us

"You don't look happy." Caleb pointed out, walking up to me as I frowned at my beautiful cake.
"What?" I was shocked that anyone was there and broke into a smile when I saw him.
"What did that cake ever do to you?" He asked, shooting me a little smirk to let me know he was just teasing.
"Oh. No. The cake is perfect." I smiled. "But I made it so." I shrugged.
He laughed. "I would comment on your modesty, but I've had your cakes and they are always perfect."
I nodded. "Exactly."
He took a step closer to me and shot me a significant look. "So then why do you look upset?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Just home stuff." I shook my head and he visibly winced, so I laughed. "See you don't want to hear about it."
"No...I didn't." He sighed. "I don't want to be nosy is all." He admitted.
"You don't really seem like the nosy type Caleb." I laughed and then took a second to look over him. "You look so nice." I smiled.
"Do I usually not look nice?" He asked, looking down at his suit which was pretty similar to the ones he always wore.

can't believe it ends like this

"Colbie." I smelled his body wash before I fully woke up, fluttering my eyes open to Jax's gorgeous blue ones.
"Mmmm." I rolled back over and stuffed my head in the pillow as I heard Jax chuckle.
"You have to get up baby." he whispered, pressing kisses against my shoulder.
"What time is it?"
"Almost nine." I turned towards him with a disgusted look on my face.
"It's Sunday Jackson!" I exclaimed and watched as his icy blues got darker and his mouth turned up into a smirk.

monday left me broken

"Colbie." I said soflty.
Her eyes fluttered open, looking into mine. "Mmmm." She rolled back over and stuffed her head in the pillow as I chuckled.
"You have to get up baby." I whispered, pressing kisses against her shoulder.
"What time is it?"
"Almost nine."
She turned towards me with a disgusted look on her face. "It's Sunday Jackson!" She exclaimed and watched as my mouth turned up into a smirk.
"I know you're annoyed, but I think it's kind of hot when you use my full name."
"How are you so awake?!"

Trust me, I can take you there.

 

 

I lifted my gaze up from the writing on my page, watching as Dom walked into his apartment and kicked off his shoes. He wiped the sweat off his brow and my eyes dropped down to his wet t-shirt before he peeled it off and tossed it over the couch. "Good morning to you too," I said with my book still in my hand, Dom already making his way into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water.

"Christ." He exclaimed, "Why are you so quiet?"

Alright, come close. Let me show you everything I know.

Alright, come close. Let me show you everything I know. by nadiaa featuring urban home decor

I closed the door behind me and kicked off my shoes. I wiped the sweat off my brow with my now soaked t-shirt before I pulled it off and tossed it over the couch. I headed to the kitchen and grabbed myself a water bottle.

too long to even think of a title

Caleb

I walked into the kitchen, getting away from my sister questioning me about the wedding I was hosting soon and found Tara stirring something. It was different to see her at her place cooking instead of the bakery, but it had the same effect on me. When she saw me she instantly smiled brightly.

all we need is somebody to lean on

Tara;

I finished whipping the cream before adding half of it to the melted chocolate to end the mousse I wanted to serve with an almond crumble and fresh raspberries. It wasn't my usual spectacular dessert but something more simple that fit the occasion of a barbecue with family and friends. John had to take care of the barbecue and I had to take care of everything else but I didn't mind it, I actually loved it, and I also loved the silence of the kitchen while all the guests were already out in the garden.
I lifted my eyes from the mousse just in time to catch Caleb walking into the kitchen dressed in causal clothes and looking as handsome as usual. I smiled at him immediately. "Oh you came just in time."
He shot me a confused look, "In time for what? For making you stop hiding in the kitchen?" He smirked at me.
I shook my head as I grinned back at him, "Nope." I dipped a teaspoon into the mousse and pointed it to him, "Tell me how it is."
He accepted it, even licking his lip as he looked into my eyes. "Yum." Was his response that made me smile wide.
 

you will be safe in my arms.

I groaned as I pulled up in front of my house and dropped my purse. I had the longest day and my head was killing me. My phone had died and my charger broke and I was just a mess. I couldn't wait to take a long bath and wait for WIll to get home from practice. I slid my key into the door and barrled into the kitchen almost running right into Jax.

waiting for love

I parked my car in front of Colbie's house, getting out and keeping my eyes on Will as he walked beside me, as silent as he had been all the way from his school to here. I had never thought in my whole life I would've found myself in a situation where I would've been called by an high school principal because two teenagers had gotten into a fight and one had gotten a black eye out of it. I had used to be the teenager back then and now, with Colbie working and no way to be found on her phone, and my nephew being the other kid involved into the fight, here I was, the emergency call for both of the guys.
I closed the door behind me as I watched Will, who seemed to be really uncomfortable and upset. "Are you going to keep silent or you're going to tell me something about what happened?" I asked quietly, not knowing how to do this right because I wasn't his friend, I was an adult, but I wasn't his father either. "Mr. Donovan told me both you and Rob refused to give an explanation to whatever happened, which of course made things worse for your case. You're risking one week suspension Will."
He just shrugged, sliding his hands into his jeans, "It's just a week." He commented nonchalantly, surprising me.

i wont make the same mistake twice.

"Mom." Will looked up at me with that look in his eyes again. "Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded as I left the bathroom.
"My stomach is a little upset." I said which wasn't a lie. I was so nauseated during this pregnancy when with Will I'd maybe thrown up once during the entire 10 months.
"Do you want me to make you some soup?" He asked, looking adorably concerned but at the mention of soup my stomach churned again.
"No thanks." I winced. Will pouted up at me.
"Where's Jax?" He asked softly. I swallowed and tried to keep from crying in front of my son. As it was I'd kept up appearences during the day only breaking down once I was in bed, crying myself to sleep each night. I missed Jackson so much it ached and the added weight of the baby growing inside of me was wearing on me hard. I didn't know who I was...I didn't know what to do.
"I don't know." I shrugged, pulling my hair into a bun at the top of my head and considering putting on something other than a tank and yoga pants but then reconsidering because it was the only thing that was comfortable right now.
"I miss him." He said honestly and my heart broke all over. I knew that breaking up with Jax was making a decision for both me and Will without even consulting him. But I couldn't stay with him and make the same mistakes all over again. It would be easier for both of us to get over Jax now then when he decided he didn't want to be with us anymore and our baby was old enough to remember him walking out on us.
"Me too." I admitted softly, holding my stomach as it churned and my eyes threatened to burst with tears.
"I told him not to hurt you." Will muttered under his breath as his voice cracked just a little and he turned to walk away. I shook my head and pulled Will into a hug.
"Oh baby.....this isn't his fault." I whispered softly, not knowing how to explain it. I still had no idea how to explain to Will that he was going to have a brother or sister. It was hard enough explaining about Jax who at this point was more of a father to Will than Nick ever had been. Will loved him. I loved him. The wave of tears was just barely holding back as I rocked with him.
"If he knew you were sick he'd want to be with you." I sighed.
"He knows I'm sick." I admitted, not mentioning that yes, he did want to be with me. He always wanted to be with me and I was always the one pulling away. Eventually he'd get sick of me. It would be so much easier this way. Before either of us could say anything else there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it." Will pulled himself out of my arms and I thought I noticed him wiping his eyes with his sleeve. Shi.t. How did my life get this way?! I heard him open the door and some muttered voices before it slammed shut again.
"Will!" I ran down the stairs. "You can't slam the door in people's"
"It's Dad." He replied, his eyes looking more angry and hurt than I'd ever seen him. I widened my eyes.
"What?"
"It's dad at the door. Tell him to go away." he ran up the stairs to his room and slammed the door.
"Colbie? I can hear you talking." Nick's voice sent a chill through me and my stomach churned again. I braced myself before opening the door and looking into the face of my ex.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's my house. You're my wife." He replied softly, looking more smug than I remembered.
"Um. This is MY house. And I am not your wife anymore." Nick tilted his head to the side.
"Are you sure?" I set my hands on my hips.
"I sent you divorce papers three times Nick." I replied seriously.
"Yes well, when we were together I supported you and by law I'd have to keep supporting you for half the time we were married even though I know you don't need the money." I blanched at him.
"You didn't sign the divorce papers because you didn't want to pay me alimony?!" I exclaimed, completely flabbergasted. He was right in the fact that I didn't need the money. I'd gotten along fine without it.
"Seemed like the easier way originally." He replied.
"Originally?" I shook my head. "Why are you here?" He tilted his head to the side as he looked me up and down and I realized that the first time I'd seen my ex in years I probably looked awful. Not exactly the picture I wanted him to see.
"I see Will is still angry with me." He sighed, pushing his way into the house.
"Um. You abandoned him. You didn't come to see his games, or to his birthdays, you didn't even send a card Nick!!"
"Well I'm learning from my mistakes Colbie." He said calmly. "I would like to get the divorce settled right away. I'll concede to pay minimal alimony if agree that I get the house." I shook my head in disbelief. This wasn't happening. I was dreaming. This was completely ridiculous and I didn't have time for it.
"Are you fu.cking with me right now?" He blinked.
"Such language. Do you speak like that with our son around?" I almost threw the closest object to me at him.
"Dont you DARE talk about how I raise our son! You don't even have the right to call him your son!! Where is this coming from Nick?! You want the house?!"
"It is in my name...."
"YOU LEFT US!!!!!" I exclaimed. "You can't just come back years later and say you want the house?? And all of a sudden you want the divorce?! What changed?!"
"Simone and I are getting married." He said simply, almost as if he was speaking to a child. "She said she always loved this house." He shrugged. I took a few deep breaths because I was pretty sure I was close to murder at this point.
"You came back here to steal my house so you and the woman you cheated on me with can live here? Did I hear you correctly?"
"Not just that. I do want Will in my life. He is my son after all."
"Get the fu.ck out of my house Nick. Right now." He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Technically this house is in my name Colbie." I shook my head as I ran my hands through it. My stomach was churning and I was getting really dizzy. 
"Get out or I'm calling the police." I said seriously, knowing just as well as he did that with my brother on the force he'd find some way to keep in him jail overnight no matter who's name the house was in.
"I want my son back in my life Colbie. I want whats mine. You can use your family name as much as you want but legally I have a right to Will and to half of what we had in our marriage."
"YOU CHEATED ON ME!!!! You haven't given two sh.ts about Will! My god Nick did you ever care about either of us?!" He sighed.
"At the time marrying you was the only viable option." I reached out and slapped him hard across the face. Twice.
"Get out of my house." I said again.
"I'm trying to be civil here Colbie, but I have good lawyers. They assure me I have a case. Especially now that I see how unstable you are with our son right upstairs." I grabbed my phone and started to dial when he threw his hands up. "I'm leaving. Maybe you should get a lawyer too." He looked back at me with pity in his eyes as he shook his head before he left.
"Fuc.k." I muttered as I quickly found Parkers name in my phone and called with shaking hands.
"Hey baby sister." He picked up after the first ring, even though I knew he had to be busy.
"Parker?" I choked out through the sobs I couldn't contain anymore. "Nick's back. I need a lawyer."

your warmth is crashing down on me

I watched as Tara ran her hand through her hair and smiled at me.
"Are you coming?" I grinned and nodded, following her into the bakery, admiring the way the white dress she was wearing flowed around her curves.
"Of course." I sat down at my usual chair and waited for the best latte and pastry I'd ever had but she blinked at me.

everybody goin' out of they skins, see we get to the end but that's where we begin

I looked around my empty bakery. It was still too early to have clients, but it was weird that Caleb hadn't shown up yet, skipping what was now a routine. I glanced at the clock one last time, then made a coffee and decided that if Caleb didn't come to coffee, coffe would come to him.
I walked to his winery and made my way to her office, stopping a moment to study the expression on his face. He seemed...darker than usual. Worried. Annoyed. Still impossibly handsome, but still. "Bad day?" I asked.
Caleb looked up and kept quiet a moment, as if he was surprised I was there, then swallowed and shrugged. "Um. No. Maybe." He took a deep breath. "What are you doing here?"
"You didn't come in this morning. I figured you might need a pick me up." I said with a smile that was a little forced because he didn't look too friendly, reaching out to him with a bag and a to go latte cup.
"Thank you." He said seriously. Too seriously.

we're almost there

"Where are we going?" I asked, turning towards my boyfriend who looked gorgeous in dark blue jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, his eyes covered by sunglasses as he drove down the highway.
"I'm not telling you Lil stop asking." He shook his head and I sighed dramatically but we both knew i was smiling.

heaven out of hell now

"Where are we going?" Lila asked, turning towards me, my eyes covered by sunglasses as I drove down the highway.
"I'm not telling you Lil stop asking." I shook my head since she had been asking from the moment we had left my house.
She sighed dramatically but we both knew she was smiling. "Enough time for road head?" She smirked.
I laughed. "Yes." I smirked as I swerved across the lanes, always the speeder no matter how much she yelled at me. We weren't even with my bike so she had nothing to yell about.
"Not if you're going to drive like that." She said seriously. "I thought you said we'd take your bike." She pouted.

no title

I straitened my tie as I took a look around at the party. I hadn't really done anything but host it, but still I liked to make sure the reputation of the winery was still in tact no matter how much my hand was in it. We were raising money for Water Conservation, my date Tina was the head of the charity. I honestly wasn't sure if she was interested in me for me or because it was a good venue for her events but what else was new? Dating wasn't a fairytale it was all about what was best for you, and she was beautiful and smart. That was enough for me. Well it wasn't. But it was enough for what I needed.
"You look deep in thought." I recognized the sweet sound of Tara's voice before I even saw her which was crazy since usually I could feel her presence. I was lucky I didn't because in her long evening gown I wouldn't have been able to give the speech Tina had written for me. I just barely stifled the groan as I attempted to keep my eyes on her face, but that was just as beautiful as the rest of her so really it was pointless.

1507

I walked into Caleb's winery like I had done many times before and let out a deep breath. It was crowded by rich shallow people, who were there for "charity" and I wasn't in my element at all, mostly when my man was late and I couldn't even talk to me. When my eyes landed on Caleb though, a smile widened my lips and I headed over him without thinking twice, grabbing a glass of wine on my way. If there was someone who could save my night was him.

"You look deep in thought." I pointed out, noticing the way his brows were slightly furrowed and the serious expression he was sporting.

"I didn't know you'd be here." He said with a smile, relaxing as he looked into my face.

"I came for the views and the wine." I laughed, holding up my glass of chardonnay and using it to wave my hand across the view.

but i can't spell it out for you no it's never gonna be that simple

I ran my fingers through my hair as I shook the hands of the newlywed couple who had just accepted the offer on their new condo in the city and turned to look for a coffee shop when I saw him. Jax grabbed a handful of wood and carried it effortlessly across the street to the construction area where the other men helped him nail it up to the outside of an old apartment building they were restoring. I almost lost my breath. He was sweaty and dirty as he peeled off his long sleeve shirt, revealing a sliver of stomach before he tossed it aside, leaving him in a black tank that showed off every inch of his sculpted torso. I felt myself walking towards him before I even realized I was.

“Hi.” I said breathily from outside the construction zone.

baby did I mention you're the only girl for me, no I don't need a next one

“Hey baby, what can I do for you?” I heard one of the guys working with me say. grinned up at me and I flushed as I looked down at my feet.
“Colbie?” I followed the voice that was so familiar to me to find my gorgeous and sexy girlfriend. That was unexpected.
“I was across the street at a meeting.” She explained, licking her lips.
“You know this girl Cole? She’s a knockout.” The guy shot her a wink and I rolled my eyes.
“All his girls are knockouts.” Another of my coworkers said, laughing with the rest of the crew.
“Yeah, knockout drunk.” The first one teased.
“Don’t you guys have some fucking work to do?” I asked, then came from outside the zone and smiled. “I’d kiss you but I’m gross.” I shrugged.
“If you don’t kiss me I might die.” She admitted, grabbing a handful of my dirty cotton shirt and pressing her lips hard against mine, kissing me like we were alone and not caring that we weren’t.

they dish the dirt, it never ends

Colbie
"Hi!" Lila rushes in, pulling her crossbody bag off and setting it next to her as she joins me in the booth of the new little cafe that opened downtown by my office. "Sorry I'm late." She smiles and reaches over the table to kiss my cheek.
"It's okay I finished up some work." I smiled. "You look tan." I pointed out.
"Trav and I went to the beach last weekend." She replied, smiling in the way that only a weekend away with a man could make happen.
"Ahh, no wonder you're all glowy." I smirked at her and she nodded.
"Damn right. It was awesome."
"I bet."
"Did you order drinks?" She asks, looking around for the wait staff. I nodded.
"Iced tea."
"Thanks." She smiled and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair.
"You're hair is getting long. And it's still blonde. I'm surprised." I point out and she laughs but shrugs her shoulders.
"My boyfriend likes it." She says casually.
"Mine has a thing for blondes too." I tap my chin as if I'm thinking. "Must run in the family?" Lila laughs again and I smile. Of all my siblings I'm closest to Lila, even though we're almost the farthest apart in age. Must be something about being the only two girls. Or maybe it's just her. Everyone I know can't resist loving my little sister. There's just something about her.

Lila
"How's my favorite nephew?" I ask, leaning on my elbows as the waiter brings us our teas.
"Great." Colbie smiles. "He just got put in a gifted program." I gasp and clap my hands excitedly.
"Well it's about time. That kid is almost smarter than me." I say seriously as my sister chuckles.
"I'm not sure if that makes me proud or terrified." She admits. "Hows your collection coming?"
"It's good. It's different....but I like the change." I smile, loving how my work is challenging me again. "It's hard sometimes for me to push out of my boundaries but definitely worth it."
"You're so vague." Colbie laughs. "But I can't wait to see it."
"Derrick got cast in a WB show for next season." I say and Colbie nods.
"That's right, something about a rich family with a dark secret?" I nodded.
"That's pretty much all WB shows." I laugh. "How's Jax?" I add since I'd been feeling guilty about not calling him back but also still a little angry at him. He should be reaching out to Travis not me.
"Practically perfect." She sighs. "You haven't been running with him?" She asks. I wonder how much about Trav and his fight he's told her. I could see my friend wanting to keep Colbie out of the bad things in his life, but was that a real relationship? Fu.ck I keep judging them. It's not like I have it all together.
"I've been busy." I shrug and take another sip of my drink.
"Oh." Colbie frowns. "I thought you ran together a lot." I nodded.
"I'll call him tomorrow." I promise her and myself out loud. After all Jax was my friend, and I missed him. Even if he was acting like a jerk.

Colbie
I had a feeling she wasn't telling me everything but I wasn't really sure I wanted to know so I blew past it.
"But you had fun with Travis?" She perked up.
"God yes. I was about ready to tie him to the bed for a change I missed spending time with him so much." I blinked at my sister.
"Does he really do that?" I ask under my breath.
"Do what?" We pause to order soup and salads before I turn back to her.
"Tie you to the bed." Lila laughs.
"Oh. Yes." She smirks, and a rosy blush forms on her cheeks.
"....And you're into that?" I ask. She gives me a glare.
"I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking about what I like in bed with my sister." She admits and it's my turn to blush. "Also I'm pretty surprised Jax has never tied you up." She adds with a laugh.
"Why? Does he like that?!" I ask, almost too loud. She shrugs.
"I dunno. He just strikes me as kinda kinky I guess." I widen my eyes further as I think back on everything Jax and I had done. It was all completely mind blowing to me but if we were being honest it was kind of vanilla sex wise.
"Why?" I ask.
"......because he's a Cole?" She shrugs and then looks back at me concerned. "You look like I just stole all your barbies Colbs, what's wrong?"
"Jax isn't kinky with me." I admit. "At all." Lila folds her arms over her chest and sits back.

Lila
I suddenly feel as if I'd said the wrong things. Not that any of it wasn't true, but by the look on my sisters face I'd just opened an entirely new bucket of insecurities. And honestly I was kind of surprised. Tying me to the bed was one of the tamer things I'd done with Travis, honestly I'd assumed most people did that, especially Jax. The girls he was with before Colbie didn't look inexperienced.
"Is it bad?" I ask finally, knowing my sisters newly found healthy glow meant she was actually getting laid so it couldn't be all bad.
"No...." she trails off.
"That's not very convincing." I point out, leaning in. I have to admit I had a strange curiosity. I'd always assumed Jax would be as awesome in bed as he was out. If not more so.
"I mean for me it's epic." She says seriously. "But I don't have much to compare it to....do you think he's holding back with me?" I thought about it. That didn't really sounds like the Jax I knew but he'd also never dated anyone like Colbie. He'd never had feelings like the ones he had for her.
"I don't know." I admitted and she turned even paler.

Colbie
"Well what in the hell am I supposed to do!?" I ask, 'What if he gets bored?!" Lila reaches out and grabs my hands.
"Colbie, slow down." She says with wide eyes. "Jax loves you. He wouldn't dump you for that." She adds, reading my mind like always. "Do you do this with him too?" She asks gently.
"....do what?"
"Freak out over little things?" I pout. I did. I wasn't entirely sure why he hung around I was such an awful girlfriend. But god I loved him so much.
"This isn't exactly a little thing. You do remember my husband leaving me to have sex with a 21 year old right?"
"That wasn't because you weren't good in bed." She rolls her eyes. "It was because he was a fucking moron who thought with his tiny dick." I let myself smirk at her words. She always said the things about Nick that I wanted to, but felt bad because it was the father of my child. Still hearing someone say it was therapeutic.
"Still...."
"Do you want to be kinky with Jax?" She asks, cringing a little as she clearly tries not to think about it. That's when I stop and really think, putting a million different fantasies into my head at once....but they aren't all just sex...though a few very x rated ones are front and center. But what I really see is a life. A future.
"I want everything with him." I admit softly. Lila softens as her eyes widen and she shakes her head.
"Damn you really are in love aren't you?" She says almost in awe.
"Completely." I admit, feeling my eyes tear up a little at how deep my emotions run.
"Oh my god do not cry right now. Are you PMSing right now? Because you're the dominant one and if I hang out with you all day and you're PMSing I'm going to start like a week early." She snaps and I break out laughing as the waiter brings our fod, looking at us both awkwardly when Lil starts laughing too.
"Don't worry sis I'm not due till next week too." I say through my laughter.
"Good." She nods and bites into her salad. "Did you hear Reece got asked to mentor on Derrick's show?" And we're right back to family, moving on from our last topic. I wished I could move on like Lila, but god. What if......

so close together, so far apart

I brushed past the line outside of the trendy bar/club downtown, winking at the bouncer as I straightened out my faux leather dress. I was running late tonight and was meeting Trav and his friends here instead of at dinner.

“Lila.” Jax grinned surprisingly Colbie free tonight. Not like my sister was a big club hopper, but I’d think he’d choose her over us. Then again maybe my little push to hang out with his brother had worked. I knew Trav was missing his boy time, not that I’d ever tell him I said anything to Jax.

“Hey Jax.” I smiled. “How’s my big sister doing?”

“Ridiculously perfect as usual. She’s going to the movies with Will tonight. Want a beer?” I shook my head.

“Vodka martini please.” Jax rolled his eyes at my taste before he went over to the bar. I had felt Trav’s eyes on me since I walked in even without actually seeing him, but now I was looking right into his gorgeous face and the connection between us. Ugh it was always intense. He was standing up, leaning against the wall as his group of friends laughed and drank. I walked up to him with a smile, sliding my hands up his chest.

“You got a date gorgeous?” I asked, wiggling my brows.

“She’s late.” He replied in his usual monotone, though his eyes were smiling. I widened mine in fake shock.

“What kind of a girl would be late for a man like you?” I laughed.

“A very busy one apparently.” He finally grinned and I reached up to kiss him.

“Hi baby, I missed you today.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me back.

“You look fuc.king fantastic. What are you wearing under that dress?” I shrugged.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” I smirked, loving just flirting with him, even though he was mine. Trav faked a frown and slid his hands down to my lower back, pulling me in.

"But I don't like waiting." he said and smirked when I laughed, "You know what, we should go home." I shook my head and slid my hands down his shirt.

"Nuh uh, we're going to stay with your friend and have fun."

"Because we don't have fun when we're alone?” He teased, making a shiver go through my body because yes we did. Even when we did nothing together I had fun with him. I rolled my eyes as I leaned into him.

"Are you happy that Jax is here too?" I asked, ignoring his silliness. He shrugged.

"It's different when we're with our friends too." he pointed out and I rolled my eyes since I’d tried but my man was hard to please.

"God Trav, are you ever happy?"

"I'm happy when I'm with you." He answered, a genuine and knowing grin appearing on his handsome face. I sighed and smiled before leaning in to kiss him because who could resist? No one.

"Good answer Mr Cole." I purred, "You know how to distract me."

"Always." He kept grinning, this time not stopping his hands at my back but reaching for my as.s and squeezing.

"Trav!" I squealed, wiggling in his hold but he didn’t let me.

"Don't act shy baby, it doesn't suit you." he said in amused tone.

"We're with your friends, I don't want them to think my a.ss is taking your attention away from them." I teased him. "I should go say hi." Trav kissed my forehead and smiled.

"I'll go get a drink." I stopped before turning to him again.

"Is Karlie here?" I asked slowly.

"No, or we wouldn't be." Trav answered simply.

"It wouldn't be a problem for me if she was here."

"It would be for me." he pointed out and before I could say something he kept talking.. "And no arguing about that tonight. Or anything else."

“Yeah we’ll see.” I laughed.

“There she is. Too busy taking over the art world to have dinner with us?” Matt asked, grinning over at me. I’d recognized that besides Jax he was the one Trav was closest too. He was gorgeous, in a completely opposite way than my boyfriend. He actually reminded me a lot of Riley. Where Travis was light haired and closed off, Matt was dark but much more open, though in a more sarcastic way than Jax. I could tell why they got along.

“Guilty as charged.” I smiled and he reached over to kiss me on the cheek.

“At least I still get to see you in that dress.” Travis snorted behind me and wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Go find your own woman.” He smirked at his friend.

“I have plenty.” Matt wiggled his brows at me and I laughed.

“Just wait till you fall for one. You’ll be as love sick as him.” I nodded over to Jax who was busy cooing at his phone which meant his Colbie free night was really anything but.

“Shi.t. That thing with your sister and Jax is crazy.” He shook his head. ‘I didn’t think I’d see the day when he went crazy over a girl, and she has a kid right?” I nodded.

“A teenager.” Trav added from behind me and I could feel the tension in him.

“What the fu.ck is he thinking?” Matt asked shaking his head. “What the fu.ck are any of you thinking, going and falling in love and getting boring.”

“Who the hell said anything about getting boring.” I said quickly. “Boring girls don’t wear heels this high.” Both Travis and Matt took a second to appreciate my sky high red Valentino’s, a special gift to myself.

“Those are some fu.ck me heels if I ever saw them.” Trav whispered into my ear. I grinned.

“It matches what’s under my dress.” I replied back, not bothering to be quiet. I was in a relationship, I didn’t care who heard me.

“Okay, okay you’re not boring stop talking.” Matt said holding his hands over his ears as I laughed. I smiled over at a red haired leggy girl who was one of the girls in the group, nursing a beer and trying to look anywhere but over at us.

“Whats up with Perrie?” I asked, making Matt scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Um. I dunno.” He shrugged.

“She’s been quiet all night.” Travis added, shrugging. I liked Perrie. She was easy to talk to and one of the few girls he hadn’t slept with before me.

“She looks…she looks like she’s avoiding you.” I pointed out to Matt. He shrugged.

“Maybe.” I narrowed my eyes at him because I had some pretty good intuition and he was giving me guilty guy face.

“Did something happen between you two?” I asked, making Travis perk up.

“What?”

"Nope." Matt answered, ignoring us and shrugging.

"Okay." I tucked my hair behind my ear as I looked over Matt. I didn’t believe him for a second, but then I had a lot of brothers. I pretty much knew when a man was lying. "I'm going to talk with Perrie. But I won't tell you anything of what she'll say."

“If you need Lila on your side? You better tell her what happened." Travis said, seeming on the verge of laughing at my Sherlock behavior. Matt sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He really was very handsome. He was no Cole but he had an Abercrombie model kind of look that was very sexy. I was surprised he was still single. Or maybe not surprised at all.

"Remember my birthday party?" He asked us.

"No. You didn't even invite me!" I widened my eyes, and pouted, not remembering anything about a birthday. I hadn’t forgotten a present had I? Trav laughed and pulled him against me.

"He did. You were too drunk to even walk." I blushed as I remembered the night I’d really let loose a few weeks ago. I did forget a present. Fu.ck.

"Oh. That was your birthday, right." I said, making a mental note to get him a gift card or something. Maybe a lap dance.

"Don't worry Lila, I have huge holes in my memory too." He added, the way he said it showing he regretted nothing.

"The thing is, when we get so drunk I usually end up being an idiot with your boyfriend." He explained, focusing on me. "But he was too busy talking care of you so I ended up with Perrie."

"Damn man, you can't even survive one night without me?" Travis teased him, letting out a laugh, "No wonder why she looks like she wants to be anywhere around you, she'd been crushing on you for years and now you're treating her like nothing ever happened."

"I don't know, it was a weird situation and I didn't know what I was doing or thinking."

"God, you two are awful." I rolled my eyes and Travis kissed the top of my head.

"I did nothing."

"It's your fault Lila, if Trav had been with me I wouldn't have done anything." Matt said seriously before laughing himself. Though I wasn’t exactly sure that was true. Perrie was beautiful and with the addition of booze? I was surprised he hadn’t tried anything on her sooner really.

"I feel bad for Perrie." I sighed.

"Me too." Travis agreed, always a loyal friend no matter what.

"What happened to Perrie?" Jax asked, running up to us with a smile.

"Ask your phone, maybe you'll get a text." Trav replied, his tone too bitter for my liking and I elbowed him softly.

“What?” Jax blinked up at us, completely oblivious to his brother’s attitude towards him.

“Was it good?” I asked, ignoring the Cole’s in favor for Matt. All three boys turned to look at me.

“Was what good?” Jax asked at the same time Travis said.

“Did you really want the details?”

“It was good.” Matt nodded, taking a long sip of his beer.

“I’m so lost.” Jax admitted. “Who was what good with?” I laughed at the confused look on Jax’s face and Matt sighed as Travis just grunted.

“Perrie and Matt drunk fu.cked on his birthday.” I explained seriously. Jax’s eyes widened as Travis laughed at my bluntness and Matt groaned.

“When you put it like that it sounds worse than it is.”

“….so why aren’t you with her now?” I asked seriously. He blinked back at me.

“I don’t want a girlfriend.” He explained. “I especially don’t want a girl who’s my friend to be my girlfriend. That never works out.”

“You would know.” Travis reminded me.

“Riley wasn’t really ever my boyfriend.” Matt’s brows raised as he motioned to the waitress that we were going to need another round.

“Who’s Riley.”

“One of my friends.”

“Who she used to sleep with.” Travis added. I nodded and shrugged.

“So things aren’t weird with you two?” I cringed, because honestly they weren’t the same by any means. But it wasn’t like the friendship was ruined or anything.

“It’s kind of weird.” I admitted.

“See? I don’t need that.” Matt stated.

“Dude. It’s weird now.” Travis pointed out.

“You seriously slept with Perrie?” Jax whispered yelled, seeming to only just get into the conversation.

“You’re going to judge him? I’m surprised you haven’t eloped to Vegas with Colbie.” Trav said under his breath.

“I just might.” Jax’s whole face actually lit up at the idea and I felt my eyes widen.

“God please tell me you’re kidding.” I said. Travis groaned and rolled his eyes as I could see his thoughts going fast in his head.

"I'm tired of this s.hit." he muttered under his breath and pulled away from me, "I'm getting another drink."

"Get me one please, since Jax forgot the one I asked him like one hour ago." I said narrowing my eyes on him. Travis just grunted and I resisted the urge to slap some sense into Jax.

“You’re pissing him off.” I said seriously.

“Everything pisses him off. I don’t know why it’s not like he had a dramatic childhood.” He shook his head.

“Don’t blame this on him, you’re not being a good brother or a good friend.”

“How so?! So I see Colbie a lot, he sees you a lot too. I don’t want to miss any time I have with her, I don’t get a lot.”

“But you’re not with her now and you’re still glued to your phone instead of having fun.” He muttered something under his breath that sounded like “Because I’d rather be with her.”

“Oh dear god. You should fight your own battles I’m not helping you anymore.” I replied, watching as Zoe almost snuggled up to Travis. That was my cue to step in. I walked to the bar and grabbed my drink from Travis before narrowing my eyes at her but before I could say something he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer.

"I have to talk to my girlfriend, sorry." He told to Zoe then headed outside with me, "No need to jump to her throat." I teased her.

“She looks at you like she’s undressing you.” I shrugged.

“She’s not the only woman who does.” He pointed out, not bothering to deny it.

“Yeah but she’s the only one you give your friendship to.” He nodded.

“How does your Riley look at you?” He asked slowly. I shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. You don’t ever see him.” Or my friends. Or my family. I thought in my head, my stomach cringing a little at the thought. He narrowed his eyes at me as if he was reading my mind.

“True.” He said finally, blowing smoke out his mouth. I swallowed and decided to take a little risk.

“Do you want to meet my friends?” I asked, feeling the hope pour on my face because I was pretty transparent and even more readable to Travis who knew me almost better than I knew myself.

“Okay.” He shrugged and I felt a little victory in my head as I smiled. It was a little thing to some but for Travis is was almost a miracle. Letting me into his life was easy for him, but he seemed to have a hard time coming into mine.

“Okay.” I agreed, leaning my back against the wall of the building as we stood in a cozy silence for a few moments, my head resting against his shoulder.

“I should talk to Perrie.” I said casually, saying the first thing that popped into my head.

“You should. You’re better at talking.” He agreed.

“Do you think they could work?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist and setting my chin against his broad chest.

“I’m apparently a bad judge of who could and couldn’t work.” He replied, his voice laced with annoyance.

“Would you have the same problem with Jax if he was dating someone besides Colbie?” I asked, knowing that he had nothing against my sister, if anything he seemed to think more like Jax wasn’t good enough for her, but I had the sneaking suspicion that he also just felt ignored by his best friend. Which was adorable, but he’d never hear that from me.

“If he was still being ridiculous about it yes.” He agreed.

“What’s ridiculous about falling in love?” I asked, knowing that the way we did it had been completely opposite from the bliss filled fairy tale Jax and Colbie were having. Falling in love with Jax had felt more like being kidnapped and held against my will.

“Theyr’e not in love.’ He scoffed, lighting another and I knew I should stop pissing him off when he was smoking because he’d just end up killing himself faster.

“Stop smoking.” I glared. He raised a brow at me and then grumbled as he put out the cigarette.

“Let’s go inside.”

“Want to go home instead?” I asked, wiggling my brows suggestively.

“No I want to make you wait.” He replied, sounding casual but with a hint of bite in his voice that we both knew made me crazy for him.

“Tease.” He grinned wider and stopped to pull my hand and bring me flush against his body.

"Wait a moment." He almost whispered before cupping my face and pressing his mouth against mine hard, devouring me, making me melt into him easily.

"You're not going to make it easy, are you?" I asked with a grin against his lips.

"Nope." he shrugged and led me back to where our friends were. At a first glance I could tell that nothing had happened, Perrie was still avoiding Matt, Matt was still drinking and Jax was still on his phone. "Jax could've stayed home." Travis whispered and I glared at him even though I knew he would probably have rather done just that anyways.

"Travis. Don't start." I was already super sick of their drama. Ryan found his way between us, wrapping his arms around our shoulders and smelling of beer and probably whiskey.

"Are you fighting?" He teased us with a ridiculous grin on his face.

"No." Trav said back and pulled away from him, then grabbed me and smirked, "Leave my girl alone."

"Friends are supposed to share." He said seriously before chuckling.

"He'd never share anything, let alone Lila." Matt cut into the conversation.

"Damn right." He nodded, pulling me closer and making my stomach flip a little. Perrie joined us too, timidly,

"He's a charming old man." She teased, since she was closer to my age.

"He's turning even older soon." I shot him a big grin, looking up and setting my hand on his chest while he rolled his eyes in response.

"Next week!" Matt said with a little too much enthusiasm that show how he had been drinking too, "What are you going to do, we need to celebrate."

"Celebrate all you want, but without me." He grinned at his friends and they groaned.

"Boo!" Ryan protested, "You're not even turning 40 yet, you're allowed to give us an excuse to drink.

"Since when do you need one?" he pointed out.

"I could cook and you guys can come over!" I suggested and Travis shot me an amused and adoring look.

"No thank you baby."

“I could do that!” I protested.

“Come over? Are you two finally living together?” Ryan asked. I widened my eyes and Travis shook his head.

“You know we’re not. How drunk are you?” He asked, raising a brow at his friend.

“I dunno you’ve been with Lila way longer than you were with Kylie before you moved in together.” He shrugged. His words hit me like a blow to the chest and I watched Travis’ eyes go cold.

“Shut the fu.ck up Ryan.” Matt shook his head.

“What?” He asked, his words slow and slurred. I took a deep breath, enjoying the night too much to worry about the implications this information had.

“They’re just worried that Trav will pout because I don’t want to share a bathroom with him.” I joked, though it wasn’t true. We’d never spoken about moving in together, it wasn’t really even on my radar. Logically I thought it would happen but we both loved our houses and our independence and it would have to take a pretty big relationship change to move in. I mean where would we move? My place? His? Somewhere completely new? I shook my head of the thought.

“Because your bathroom is a mess and you don’t want me falling on some lotions and killing myself.” He teased back, seeming to relax at my joke. I shrugged.

“It’s a womans prerogative to have many many lotions.” I replied.

“I’m not sure why…but you’re hotter to me all of a sudden.” Matt smirked and I laughed while Travis rolled his eyes.

“I have only dirty old bastards as friends.” He said into his drink.

“Where is Karlie anyways?” Perrie asked and I tensed again. Running my hands through my hair. I didn’t have a silly joke to say about this one. Honestly I wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to be there because I was, or if Travis had told her not to come, or if she just had something else to do. I felt kind of like I was messing up their friend group. Clearly Karlie had been a big part of it. I wondered if they resented me for it.

"She wasn't feeling good." Trav answered simply, not giving anyway too much. I shot him a look.

"Let's go to the counter I want a drink."

"I'll get you one." Jax offered.

"You already forgot before." I replied and he mumbled something under his breath.

"Take care of your girlfriend, I'll take care of mine." Trav spat and without another glance at his brother he led me to the counter.

"You're really mad at Jax, aren't you?" I finally asked, seeing that his annoyance was a little more than just that.

"Yes." He said shortly then looked at the bartender, keeping his hand on my lower back possessively. "One vodka and one whiskey." I pursed my lips and tried to decide whether to confront him with Karlie or Jax.

"Why isn't Karlie here?" I asked, my body making the decision for me.

"I already answered that, didn't I?" he asked, distracting me as he leaned in and kissed behind my ear softly, making a shiver run through my body.

"Is she sick like...like she was the night she came to your house?" I went on, setting my hands on his large forearms and pulling him close, "Or she's not here because of me?"

"She got a flu or something, stop overthinking baby." He answered before reaching for the full glass and downing half of it in one sip.

"But I don't want your friend to resent me if I ever was the reason why Karlie wouldn't be with them." I added, under my breath. Travis smiled at me and then reached down to kiss me softly.

"It's not going to happen. Stop now baby."

“…Okay.” I was never the girl who cared if she was popular or not, but I hated being liked just because I was someones girlfriend. That had happened to me in high school. I was nobody until I started dating Riley and then suddenly I was everyone’s friend. I didn’t know if they liked me for me or for him and it was super annoying.

“What are you thinking?” he asked. I sighed and shrugged.

“I just hope they like me.” I said seriously.

“They do. Trust me.” I nodded, knowing that at least one of them absolutely didn’t like me and she was their friend first. If they took her side I couldn’t even blame them.

“I hope so.” I said, since I genuinely liked every person here tonight. Travis leaned down and kissed up my neck slowly, his teeth catching my ear and tugging, making me gasp and press into him.

“You think too fu.cking much.” He growled, sending shocks straight to my core. I did. Except when he was touching me. I lost all thought then.

“Travis.” I moaned softly and he pulled me closer.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said softly, his voice rough as always but his words sending warm heat through my body. I slid my hands up his chest and into his hair before pulling him down into a kiss that I needed, a slow, sweet but still slightly rough kiss that left me forgetting everything but how much I loved him. Being with him. Around him.

“How can I help with Jax?’ I asked when I pulled away and caught my breath, resisting the urge to ask him to head into the bathroom for a quickie.

“You can’t.” he shook his head, nodding to the bartender for another.

“What’s the real issue there anyways baby? Do you think it will be different for us if they don’t work out? They have nothing to do with you and me, and I’ll admit, I’ll be pissed if he hurts my sister but he was my friend first too.”

"I don't really want to talk about it Lil." He said quietly, focusing on staring into his glass, not really angry just…he seemed sad.

"You never want to talk about it." I said slowly. Daring, pushing him when I knew no one else would.



"We're out, can't we just drink and have fun?" he asked.

"If you keep drinking you'll end up saying something to Jax you'll regret instead." I pointed out, both of us knowing we were almost as stubborn as the other.

"I don't understand how they can be so naive when they’re supposed to be responsible instead." He started, finally sharing. ""They’re not 18 for f.uck's sake, they can't really believe you fall in love with a snap of your finger and that you'll be together forever."

"Baby, I understand your concern, but it's not really any of our business." I replied, having my own worried about them, but really it had nothing to do with us. "And whatever happens with them it won't ever affect us."

"Oh really? You'd never take your sister's side?" he spat back, his emotions getting the better of him. "And don't you think that if I had to choose I'd be on Jax's side?"

"You're worrying for things that we don't even know will happen." I sighed, running my hands up his chest.

"I can't help it." he groaned and glanced at his brother, his hands balling into fists for how mad he was.

“Do you feel better at least? Now that you're letting it all now?"

"No." He said with a straight face, then broke into a smirk because apparently it had at least a little. "Can we stop?" I shrugged.

“Can we fool around in the girls bathroom?” I asked, smirking because really I was only half joking.

“Just fool around?” He asked, his grin turning wicked as his eyes traveled shamelessly across my body.

“Whatever.” I shrugged, biting down on my lip before pulling him into a kiss that I probably should have saved for when we were alone. He didn’t’ seem to mind, in fact his hands were tangling in my hair and gripping tight as he used the leverage to pull my head back and deeper into our kiss.

“Ugh. Seriously?” I pulled away to look down at Jax.

“What?” I asked, leaning into Travis as he tensed. God he was so mad. I didn’t fully understand, but I knew it wasn’t good. I mean Adam barely had time to hang out anymore, he had a family. Wasn’t that what Jax was doing? But for some reason it pissed Travis off a lot.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a no dry humping rule here.’ He teased back, completely unaware of how angry he was making his brother.

“It’s a club Jax. I’m pretty sure not dry humping is weird.” I pointed out.

“Jax!” A pretty raven haired girl ran up to the bar and Jax turned a smile towards her that made me tense.

“Hi….” He said slowly.

“Karen.” She said, filling in his blank, but looking offended that she wasn’t memorable enough. “You never called me….”

“Sorry….” Oh god this was awkward. I moved out of Travis’ hold to intervene but he pulled me back.

“Let him get out of his own messes.” He said softly, his hands reaching up to tuck my hair back. I shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“So do you want to dance?” She asked as a last attempt. Poor thing. She really was pretty with big blue eyes and killer curves, but she was no match for my sister.

“I’ll dance with you beautiful.” Ryan said, grabbing her hands and pulling her into his body.

“Oh!” she looked back at Jax as if this was some kind of payback to standing her up.

“Sorry.” She said, laughing her drunk as.s off. Jax shrugged and pulled out his phone.

“Text her one more fu.cking time why don’t you?” Travis finally growled.

“What?” Jax looked up.

“What is she going to leave you if you’re not in contact with her every waking moment?” he went on.

“Um. That was Adam. He wanted to know if I was still coming to dinner on Sunday.” He said slowly, trying to figure Travis out.

“Sure.”

“What the fu.ck is your problem?” Jax asked finally. Awesome. They were both wasted now and this is the time he starts to realize this was a thing.

“Hey Perrie want to dance?” Matt asked, having a great idea by getting the fu.ck out of here.

“Um. Yeah, sure.” She said quickly, her face flushing as he pulled her to the dance floor. Shi.t now I was stuck between them. I didn’t like this.

"Let's go home Lil." he said, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers tight to show me how serious he was.

"But-" I started, not knowing where I was going but Jax cut me off anyways.

"Maybe she doesn't want to go home just yet."

"If she doesn't want to she'll let me know, she doesn't need you to speak for her." He spat back, glaring at Jax with barely restrained emotion.

"I don't know, that sounded like an order." He said back, and I groaned, knowing he was just egging Travis on. He took a step closer and glared at him. The Cole brothers were extremely similar, both in height and build but Travis was just a little taller, and he could use it to his advantage when he wanted to.

"Think about your girlfriend, I think about mine." He said between clenched teeth.

"Trav." I said softly, stepping closer to him and resting my hands on his chest as my eyes pleaded up into his. As much as I hated him fighting with his brother I didn’t want to ruin the night either.

"I think about my girlfriend just fine." Jax added, completely ignoring me.

"Every fucking minute." Travis commented bitterly, then tugged at my hand but just as we turned around I felt Jax moving to grab Travis’ arm. "Jax, you don't want to fight with me, trust me."

"What the fuck is wrong with him tonight?!" He asked me, shaking his head and looking beyond frustrated.

"I'm not going to answer that, if he wants you to know he's going to tell you." I said quietly, trying to be patient as I squeezed my man’s hand.

"Leave her out of this." Trav added seriously, shooting him a glare.

"Talk Trav! I don't understand why you're being so damn impossible tonight." He retorted.

"I'm surprised you even took time to notice my mood really. You're here but you spent the whole fucking time glued to your damn phone as if you're a teenager who's going to die if he doesn't talk to his girl for five minutes. You don't go out that much with us anymore, maybe you should not come with us at all if all you're going to do is ignore us and text Colbie all night."

"Do you have a problem with Colbie?" Jax said, a hard almost threatening edge to his voice I’d never heard before.

"No but I have a problem with my brother forgetting the rest of his life just because she's your girlfriend now," he replied, his voice showing anger and hurt which was almost as surprising.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said so seriously that Travis raised his brows at his brother.



“No?”



“No. I’m here aren’t I?”



“Barely.”



“Oh I’m sorry that I want to talk to my girlfriend. Not everyone has one who makes up her own schedule.” Travis took a dangerous step towards Jax but I got there first.



“Excuse me?” I said sharply. “Did you just insult me?” Jax was at least smart enough to look sorry as he sighed.



“No. Lil…”



“First of all? Screw you for even bringing me into this. Secondly? Colbie own’s a fu.cking company so she actually does make up her own schedule and your insult doesn’t even hold water.”



“But-“



“But what? Own up to your mistakes Jax, you’ve been ignoring everyone for your new girl. Grow up!” I turned to Trav who was looking back at me with a mix of annoyance and amusement. “And you!” I started.



“What-“ I interrupted him and I saw the flash of anger in his eyes but for gods sake both of them were acting like kids.



“If you want to spend more time with Jax then you should just tell him that.”



“Lila.” He said seriously.



“Do I need to call your parents? Or maybe the principal of your elementary school?” I looked between the two of them. Travis barely restrained with annoyance for both of us and Jax looking exhausted and guilty.



“Look.” Jax started. “I didn’t notice I was so lost up in Colbie. I love her.”



“Okay.” Travis said, and I could read the disbelief in his face.



“I don’t know what to do, I have to make time for her and for Will around both their schedules and mine and being alone with her is even harder.”



“And?” Travis said, his arms crossing against his chest.



“And what? You can be mad at me if you want, but I’m doing this blind.” He admitted.



“This isn’t the place Jax.”



“Okay. So let’s go to somewhere it is the place. I don’t want you to be mad at me Trav, it’s only fun when you’re pissed at everyone else.” Jax joked, so much like him, but I didn’t know if it was helping.

"Not tonight." he said shortly but they were finally talking so I turned to look at him but he knew me too well, "Stop." He ordered, making me glare at him.



"Hey Trav, don't take it out on Lil." Jax said quietly.

"You really have to nerve to tell me not to involve her when you were the first one dragging her in our fight?" he retorted.

"I'm sorry Lil." He said and I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I gave him a small smile even though I was still annoyed.

"I know." I paused before I made my face hard, "Try not to have anything more to be sorry about."

"Yeah I'll try." He nodded, then his phone rang. Fuck. "Trav?" He shot his brother a questioning look that didn't need many words.

“If I talk to your right now I'm going to say things I'm going to regret so maybe another night this week, if you'll find the time.”

"Damn you're stubborn." He said flatly, "But okay. I'm going to get a drink someone want one too?"

"Just a moment, I have to talk to Lil for a second." Jax walked towards the bar and I turned towards Trav who looked down at me and then spanked me. Way harder than was appropriate. At least for in public.

"Ouch! Trav!" I protested. "What was that for?!"

"I didn't like how you cut me off first and talked to me then." he explained seriously.
"So what you're pushing me now?!" I spat back at him, annoyed all over again.
"No, I just wanted to spank you." he answered and let out a breath, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my neck. Frustrating man, "I'm tired of fighting Lil. I'm exhausted." He confessed, his rare vulnerability making my annoyance dissipate quickly.

I ran my hands up his chest and around his neck, a part of me loving these moments when I got to see him bare and vulnerable. I liked that I was the only one to see this side of him.
“I don’t want to fight with you baby.” I said seriously. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He pulled back.
“Really?” I knew he agreed with me, he was just surprised that I thought that way but honestly I understood where he was coming from. I knew how important his family was to him and he had a good reason to be angry with Jax.
“Yes. He’s acting silly. But I think it’s because he never got to act silly like this before. Most people get this out of the way a long time ago.”
“Did you?” he asked, raising a brow since we both knew I’d never loved any man before him.
“Kind of.” I shrugged. “It was puppy love with me and Riley in high school, I definitely ignored my family and friends to be with him because it was new and exciting to have his attention.” Travis made a face and I laughed.
“Hey you asked.”
“I didn’tdo that with you.” He pointed out, looking me over as if he was wondering if I took offense to that.
“We’re both pretty independent people baby. Plus it’s not like we were a normal couple in the beginning, but come on didn’t Adam go nuts over Liz in the beginning?”
“They were in high school it’s different.”
“That’s kind of my point baby. But that doesn’t excuse him. He’s being ridiculous and honestly so is Colbie. They’re adults…..I’m worried their puppy love will blow up in their faces.” I admitted. Young love was fun but it was also the most dramatic. With Will in the picture? They couldn’t afford that kind of relationship.
“Yeah.” He nodded, looking over to Jax, who at least wasn’t texting as of now.
“Let’s go home Trav…I want to ignore everyone for my man.” I slipped my hands under his button down and pressed against the smooth skin against his abdomen.
“Hmmm. I guess we can….” He trailed off and I leaned in, nipping at his neck.
“I’ll let you spank me again.” I whispered, my body shivering at the thought.
“You’re a hell of a negotiator.” Travis smirked, his hands grabbing my as.s and pulling me harder into his body.
“I learn from the best.”