hold up

I dragged myself into Trenton's, after a long day of work all I wanted to do was go home and collapse on the couch, but with Lila out and zero company I thought a beer wouldn't be too bad either.
As I walked by the door my eyes met Kolton's, who was already grinning at me. "You're up late." He commented.
"I live on the edge." I replied sarcastically, making him laugh as he brought out beer I didn't know but I trusted him to know my taste, so I was sure it'd be good. After all I had been Trenton's customer way before starting dating Lila and her brother had seen me many many times.
"Where's little sis?" He asked, sliding me the beer which I raised to him before taking a sip.
"This is good. New?" I asked just to confirm my thoughts. I was so smart. He nodded and I took another. "She's out with Colbie and my cousin Tara." I explained, wondering what the girls would be talk about...better not.

you got me so high, so high I cannot feel the fire

I read the newspaper peacefully, enjoying the warm sun in the backyard of my house with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and thinking that things were going pretty well. Except for the one thing I refused to think about. I was set on being grateful for what I had instead of what I was missing in my life. The obnoxious sound of my phone vibrating against the coffee table had me groaning but I didn't bother to even spare it a glance, Lila was upstairs finishing tidying up her things, so the rest of the world could wait. Smashing the butt of my cigarette in the ashtray I turned the page and focused on an article about economy, only to be interrupted by my phone again. This time I grabbed it and furrowed my brows when I saw Lila's face on the screen. "Why are you calling me?" I asked, vaguely amused because she could've yelled to get my attention.
"I need help, come upstairs." She said back and I knew she was pouting.
"Later. I'm busy now." I grinned as I took a swig of my beer.
"Too busy for me? What's the perk of having a tall boyfriend when he can't even help me with high shelves?!" She retorted.

let me love you

I walked into my house quietly, closing the door behind me and expecting Lila to run to me any moment. I knew it was late but lately it was crazy at work and I had the feeling all I did was go to my office, eat and sleep, there wasn't much time left for anything else. There wasn't time at all. That was probably one of the reasons why the baby thing hadn't been brought up again, and I was more than fine with that, but just because I hadn't said a word about it it didn't mean I hadn't thought about it. I had. I had slowly and painfully realized it had been a big fat mistake, what had I been thinking? Lila was right. She was too young and she was obviously not ready to give up her life to raise a kid. She still had to explore the world, focus on her career, enjoy late nights and friends without having to think about a baby depending on her. I got that now. She still had so much to do and I was in no position to ask her to give up on her youth just because I had already done all those things and I was more than ready to be a father. It hadn't been fair, no matter how much I had wanted that. Walking around my house a bad feeling made my chest tight when I didn't find her anywhere, not in my bed, not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom. Where was she? Had she gone to her place? I went back outside and her car was still parked where I had last seen it this morning, I wondered if she had walked back home? But she would have told me...wouldn't she? What if she got back and didn't feel good. I grabbed my phone and called her, heading inside once again and freezing when I heard her phone going off. What the-

we wait for trains that just aren't coming

“Trav?” Lila called out from the bedroom as sson as I closed the door of my house behind me.
I walked upstairs quickly, worried already. “Are you okay?” I asked, holding my breath. I had started going into work a few weeks ago, but not for the whole day, and today was the first day I had been gone for a full 12 hours. She had even driven myself to physical therapy, which was huge.
“I’m okay.” She nodded as I peeked in my head. “If I work too long on the couch I get sore and your bed is so comfy.”  She sighed as I pulled my tie off and set it on a hook in my closet along with my suit jacket. “I like this show.” She grinned, watching as I unbuttoned my collar and rolled up the sleeves of my blue dress shirt.

drunk in love

"Tara, there's a guy who's asking for you at the counter." Dennis said as he popped his head into the kitchen.
My thoughts went straight to Andy and I had to lean against the table a moment. I hadn't talked to him in weeks, if not months but it wasn't for his lack of trying, it was because I didn't want to. "Is it Andy?" I managed to ask, my voice cracking and betraying me.
My friend shook his head, "Nope. But he's still hot. Gorgeous even." He smirked at me.
I rolled my eyes and followed him into the bakery. Relief washed over me when I spotted Jaden, Caleb's brother, only to be replaced a second later by worry. Why was he here? What did he want from me? I wore a smile of fake confidence as I headed to the counter. "Hey. I wasn't expecting to see you here." I told him softly and that was true.

If this a lesson then baby teach me to behave

“Fuck man that’s our sister.” I heard one of Lila's brothers say as I joined them again. I didn't even know why they were in my house, it was like a Trenton invasion.
“Don’t curse in front of the baby.” Lila snapped, apparently back with her sister.
“I think Ruby’s doomed to a life of bad language in this family.” I said lowly, slightly annoyed for so many reasons.
“We’re not staying long. Derrick has some fancy douche red carpet thing to go to and he asked me to tag along because he can’t get a girl to go with him.” Josh grinned and Derrick shook his head. What was Josh's job again? They were too many, I couldn't keep up with them if my life dipended on them. Maybe it was because I didn't care too.
“Yeah that’s exactly what I said.” Derrick smirked as he tossed Ruby into the air and she squealed with delight. “It has nothing to do with the fact that you have a crush on my co-star and she’s going to be there.”
“You have seen her right?” Josh grinned.
“Eww.” Colbie said, as if their brothers weren't grown up men but still boys. She had two kids herself for christ's sake.

waves

“Mr. Trenton.” My boss' voice broke into my daze and I glanced at him to see him shake the hand of a very handsome very tall man I supposed was the CEO of the company we were hoping to work for. “I’m Bob Forrester, such an honor to be here.”
Mr Trenton gave him a curt nod and sat at the head of the table as I opened my laptop to connect it to the projecting screen behind it. Time to start the show. “I hope we can do business.” He replied, flicking his eyes to my coworker Adam who was nervous and couldn't be more obvious about it.
“We have a wonderful presentation for you. We want Trenton headquarters to be everything you want it to be.” Adam said doing his usual ass licking.
Mr Trenton rose a brow at the him. “What I want it to be is functional as soon as possible. “ He replied and I went back to my computer screen.
“Oh excuse me.” My boss said. “This is senior executive Adam Jennings and his junior partner Sophie Knight." He replied.

maybe it's all that we needed

“I wish you’d come home more often baby.” Mom said, smiling at me from the computer screen as I gave her a smile I didn’t give anyone.
“I come home every Sunday for dinner.” I reminded her. She shrugged.
“Not enough. I have a big house and no more children and only two grandchildren who hardly ever come over.” She pouted and I groaned.

if i fall for you, i'll never be the same.

I walked up and knocked on the door to Tara's bakery, not really knowing what I was doing there but knowing I needed to be. It was closed, so I walked around the back, seeing Tara walk out the back.
"I knocked on the front but it was closed." I said as she walked up to me.
"Yeah." she nodded, setting her hands on her hips and taking a deep breath, "I'm closing early tonight."

this is what you came for

I felt Caleb's lips press a kiss against my collar bone, it waking me and also making me wiggle and groan. I wanted to sleep some more. “Not yet.” I muttered.
He chuckled and nuzzled into where my neck met my shoulder. “It’s morning.” He pointed out, his voice low and warm waking me slowly. God he was impossible to resist.
“I didn’t hear an alarm go off.” I winced and opened my eyes slowly.
He grinned at my face, “It might be a little earlier than usual.”
I pouted. “Why would you do that to me?”

new romantics

Caleb tried to keep his eyes on the road as he drove into the city with me next to him.
"What?" I asked, looking at him with wide eyes as I noticed he kept stealing glances of me.
"You look incredible tonight. That dress is something." He commented, his expression giving away the kind of thoughts he was having.
"You've seen me in less." I laughed, my hand smoothing the black dress I was wearing that was kind of conservative but showed my legs and my curves.
"That's the point. Everyone else at the party will only get a hint of how perfect you are. Only I'll be the one who knows what you look like without it." He winked and I laughed again.
"If you're just going to picture me naked then everything I wear will be good." I replied as I bit down on my lip.

some like to sleep, we like to play

I walked downstairs to my living room, smirking to myself when my eyes landed on Lila. She was sitting on the couch, sporting that pout that was slowly becoming her signature expression and watching tv as always. "What's up?" I asked, lifting her legs to sit at the end of the couch then setting them on my thighs.
"Same as usual. I'm bored to death and I'm almost done rewatching Friends." She answered back flatly, looking as annoyed as she probably felt.
Part of me felt bad for her because she wasn't admittedly living the best life right now, but she was living and that was enough. I did all I could to entertain her, I had the feeling it wasn't enough though. "Just do something else." I suggested with a shrug.

I could be the one

"Maybe I shouldn't go." I frowned at Lila as my eyes took her in, her tiny body covered by my duvet and her own eyes on the TV screen while she watched Charmed and ate popcorns. She looked comfortable in my bed but I'd be lying to myself if I said that her face was back to her usual color. She was still pale and even though she was much better now she was still taking a lot of meds and her body hadn't recovered yet.
She rolled her eyes at me, too focused on that silly show she loved so much for reasons I couldn't ever possibly comprehend. "Just go Trav. Have fun, I'll be okay!" She repeated what she had told me already a few times during the past hour.
I sat next to her while finishing buttoning my shirt, "I have fun with you, always. And I don't like the idea of leaving you home alone." I said seriously.
"We already talked about this." She turned to shot me a glare but as soon as her eyes met mine they softened immediately. "It's Nate's birthday, you have to go and spend the night out with your friends."

I know I said so

5:00 A.M.

The alarm on Caleb's phone jolted him awake and he blindly reached for it on his nightstand to turn it off while I cursed it in my head. He glanced next to him, smiling as he looked at me blinking my eyes open.
"Morning." I smiled and then curled up against his chest, nuzzling my head against him.
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. "Hey." He kissed the top of my head and closed his eyes for a second, only waking up again when his second alarm went off 15 minutes later. I didn't move, didn't make a sound either, I just enjoyed staying into his arms a little longer.
"I guess we should get up." I smirked and he sighed dramatically. "I thought you were a morning person." I laughed, sitting up and looking down at him.
"I am but lately I don't really want to get out of bed." He confessed.
I grinned, because I was just the same and I knew the reason. "I wonder why that is?"
He shrugged. "Maybe it's the new sheets I got? Or it's just the holidays are busy and I'm a little more tired?" He offered and I narrowed my eyes. "Probably though it's the pretty girl who's all soft and warm and naked....." He trailed off, switching our positions and running his hands up my thighs.
"I'm not naked." I laughed and he fake pouted down at me.
"Why not?" He asked, leaning down to kiss the spot on my neck that he'd learned made me crazy.
I shivered, tangling my fingers with his hair as a wave of desire made me feel very awake all of a sudden. "Because we have to get up." I protested weakly, opening my legs and allowing him to position himself between of them.
"Already?" He asked in a low groggy voice, his mouth travelling down until the fabric of the t-shirt I was wearing stopped him.

it's better to fell pain than nothing at all

I pushed Lila's wheelchair out of the hospital and towards my car, feeling relieved that we could finally leave this awful place. Both of us, alive.
"I could've walked you know." She protested under her breath, glancing up at me briefly.
"Sure." I rolled my eyes and opened the door of the passenger seat of my car, ignoring her protests.
"I'm not sick, I hate being treated like I am when I'm not." She went on, her tone definitely annoyed.
"Yes you're not sick but you got into a car crash, got a surgery and even slipped into a coma. Don't you think that's enough?" I asked back, helping her up on her feet and into the car.
By the time I was climbing on my side she was already glaring. "But I'm good now." She replied stubbornly.
I sighed, taking a second to cup her face and stare into her gorgeous eyes. "You're better. But you're not fully recovered, you still have stitches and you have to rest and take care of yourself. Let me take care of you, do it for me." I told her softly as I kissed her tenderly.

you've been on my mind girl like a drug

I watched the dawn of the third day without Lila, considering to light another cigarette then deciding against it. My eyes focused on the sky and I was surprised I could even stand on my legs or stay awake, during the last days I had been in Lila's room nonstop, I hadn't slept, let alone eaten, I hadn't even really talked since I refused to speak to anyone except for the doctors of course. They had even tried to keep me away from icu at the beginning but I was paying for everything and it was the love of my life in a coma so there was no way I'd let anyone tell me what to do. The only breaks I took were the ones out of the hospital to have a smoke. I often found myself wishing this was just a bad dream that would end soon, instead I was wide awake, always too terrified that the moment I'd fall asleep and stop listening to the beeping that told me that Lila's heart was still beating it would stop instead.

faded

I walked into the hospital like a tornado, my heart beating so fast I didn't even how how it was possible since I wasn't even sure I was breathing. "I'm looking for Colbie Trenton." I said hurriedly to the woman standing at the desk, "There was a car crash and she's pregnant and-" I started, trying not to lose my damn mind, but was that even possible when you had heard your girlfriend's car crashing against another one while you were on the phone with her? I didn't even know how I had been able to function, call the police and drive to the hospital without having a heart attack.

happy ending

I let out a long sigh as I realized I was awake, but kept my eyes shut while I wondered if Jake was still asleep. I felt his strong arm wrapped around me and his hard chest pressed against my back and our bedroom was quiet, so quiet it almost felt unreal.
As I slowly opened my eyes they landed on the framed picture on my nightstand and I found myself smiling at the picture of my kids, our kids, Jackson and Rosie. Never in my whole life I had imagined I would have had two kids by the age of 30, but here I was instead.
"Oh so you are awake." Jake whispered in a groggy voice as he lifted himself a little, just enough to kiss my shoulder and follow my eyes. "It's weird not having them around, is it?" He asked a moment later, reading my thoughts perfectly like he always did.

je m'en fous

I tapped my fingers against my lips as I stared at the door of Caleb's office. It was closed and no sound came from the inside, but I knew he was there, since he wasn't anywhere else and his car was parked in front of his winery. So that just bought me some time to decide if I really wanted to get inside of not. Of course I wanted to see Caleb, even though he had stopped by earlier at my bakery, but there was something that felt a little off...he was amazing, as always, but after his decision of not sleeping with me on what he said counted like a first date I had some doubts, first of all because we had already slept toghether before, plenty of times, and then because...why? I just didn't get it. I understood when he said we had to take things slow since our past relationships had been awful, only I felt as if he was putting some distance and that led me to wonder if he was freaking out already. It was almost as if he wasn't my boyfriend, more like we were still in the phase of dating when nothing is official. And no sex. Aside this kind of thoughts that left me full with doubts and insecurities, there was another kind that left me really annoyed and secretly waiting for some silly revenge. Which was what I had on my agenda for today...maybe. I thought about the last time I had slept with him, his sweaty hard body against me, his soft lips pressed on my skin as if he couldn't get enough, his strong hands claiming every inch of my skin...the thought was enough to send a shiver through me. I was pmsing too, which made it even worse, meaning I wanted him real bad.

bulletproof

I glanced at my watch, then grabbed my phone, checking whatsapp as I tapped my foot against the floor nervously. More like impatiently. Caleb wasn't even late, but I couldn't wait to see him for the first time since we had decided to give ourselves a chance, it was also the first time he came to my new apartment so I had put on a pretty dress, I had cooked dinner and now I felt that excitement I hadn't felt in so long.
I darted to the door as soon as I heard footsteps and I opened it, not even thinking that if it wasn't him I'd look like an idiot. But it was him instead, in all his glorious hotness. "Hi." I smiled wide, trying to control myself but I was afraid I was failing.

you're already the voice inside my head

I groaned as I realized I wasn't asleep anymore, the sound of heavy steps walking up the stairs of my home waking me and putting me in a hell of a mood already. I hated to be woken up on Saturday mornings, on Sundays too, but apparently my girlfriend loved it instead. I didn't even need to look, she was the only one having the keys, unless it was my brother, but I doubted he'd start wearing heels.
"Did you know that Colbie and Jax moved in together!? They got back together! For real! He even made her sign a contract-" Lila stopped talking for some reason and a moment later I felt the mattress flex slightly under her weight. "Are you alive baby?" She asked in a teasing voice.
"No." I muttered under my breath before burying my face into my pillow. Then she yanked my duvet and spanked my ass. Another groan left my throat as I rolled over onto my back, still refusing to open my eyes. "Christ Lil, just let me sleep."

feel again

I opened the door of Colbie's house before she could knock and watched her blink her eyes before she smiled at me. "Hi." She said softly.
"Hi." I grinned at her and gave her a glance over, she was definitely very pregnant now but still so damn beautiful and sexy. She was born to make babies, it suited her. I noticed her blush, which only made me grin wider as I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. "Don't be shy, we don't have time for that."
She giggled as she followed me to the livingroom, "Yeah you sounded in a hurry when you called me earlier." She pointed out and it was her turn to look at me, "You were all business."
"I still am." I said a little more seriously as I pulled her against me and kissed her hard.
She kissed me back then pulled back, "What are we doing Jax?" She breathed out but her tone was also...careful? I knew what she meant. After the night spent out like a couple of teenagers we hadn't seen each other, but she had been on my mind a lot, always, as usual. There had been phone calls, texts, everything was starting to feel like we were back to where we used to be once, only now it was all different. And I wanted to make sure that different meant better this time.
"I'm going to tell you everything now. We have a little time before Will joins us too." I told her softly and urged her to sit on the couch.

my love you lost and won

I knocked on the door of Colbie's house, hearing the footsteps approaching and smirking to myself with no reason at all.
“Jax!” Will said with enthusiasm as soon as he opened, his grin bigger than mine. He led me to the livingroom, updating me on his life while I listened carefully.
Colbie appeared a moment later, smiling. “Hey.” She said softly, blushing a little too.
“Hi Colbs.” I smiled back at her.
“I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

you were right all along, something's gotta change

I got up from Andys bed and felt underdressed immediately, as soon as the chill air of the room hit me. To my defense, I was really underdressed, almost naked more likely, but it wasn't just a physical thing...I felt exposed, vulnerable, and willing to close myself off instead. I had been like this since Caleb, the only moments when I felt better were the ones where Andy was with me but then again, it wasn't that I felt better really, I just didn't feel anything. He made me talk, he made me come, he even made me laugh a little occasionally, for a few hours I could forget all the rest of my life until it was morning and my misery and anxiety were still there. I wished I could say that not seeing Caleb was helping me...it wasn't. I missed him, more than I missed John to be honest.
"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Andy's low and groggy voice almost made me jump.

rebel heart

I swallowed my beer and laughed as Kolton told me about his crazy weekend. He was almost making me regret I wasn't single anymore. Almost because I had the most amazing girl in the world and she was his sister, so I knew better than say that. "God that was crazy uh?" I shook my head.
"She was...damn." He let out a whistle, "I wish I asked her number."
"That good?" I widened my eyes, kind of surprised because he was...well, just like I used to be.
"You have no idea." He shook his head, wiping the bar counter.

I took a deep breath and rang the bell of Travis' house, still debating if it was a good idea to show unannounced, but then again he was my cousin and we were close...I just hoped he wasn't too busy.
"Hi!" Lila opened the door instead, she grinned reaching out and pulling me into a hug that surprised me but then I sank into it, hugging her back like an old friend.
"Hey. I'm sorry to just drop by..." I started, feeling as if I needed to apologize.
She shook her head. "Are you kidding? Surprise visits are one of my favorite things." I smiled and followed her into the living room, loving how she was, so cheerful and cute. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Coffee?"

let's play a love game

I spotted Lila as soon as I headed to the bar of the new club she'd told me to meet her at. She was wearing a tight white dress that made her look like a naughty angel and an expression that showed how deep into her thoughts she was. "Hey." I said in a deep voice.
She tried not to smirk as she glanced over and looked me up and down. "Um. I'm meeting someone." She said before turning back to her martini.
"Really?" I asked, surprised at first then amused as I leaned closer. "He shouldn't have kept you waiting."
She smirked and looked back at me. "Why's that?"
"Because it's dangerous for him to leave you alone with guys like me." I grinned wider and she bit down on her lip before reaching out her hand.
"I'm Lila."