i don't feel right when you're gone away

I paced my living room like a mad woman. On the one hand seeing Jax made my heart ache, but on the other I loved to have him near me no matter how much it hurt. What was wrong with me? And not only that I was now a nervous wreck to tell my son I was pregnant. Lord knew it wasn't the best parenting to have a baby with a man I was no longer with. I saw Jax's truck pulling up and opened the door before they even got to ring the bell.
"Hi mom."

blank space

I headed to the parking lot as soon as the game ended. I was trying to fall into some routine that would make my life stable, that wouldn't make me think too much about the fact that the woman I thought was the love of my life was expecting my daughter but she didn't want me. So I kept myself busy, with family and friends, I helped Travis with the team, but it was still hard. So damn hard there were days I wished I didn't wake up. Then I got mad at myself, I remembered that it wasn't the right state of mind for a man who was about to become a father, a man who had to work hard to create a decent future for his baby girl.
"Jax!!!"

why are we losing time?

I propped my elbow on my desk and leaned my cheek against my fist as I stared at the screen of my laptop blankly, the ringing of skype already annoying me while I wondered why Aria wasn't answering. Was she sleeping already? I did the math in my head quickly, considering the 8 hours separating London from San Francisco and me from her. It had been like this for a little longer than one week now but there was no way I could get used to this, not the time difference, not having her so far. And still, there I was, alone in my old house, with another week to spend away from my wife. I kept repeating to myself that it was needed, and it was, despite how much I had grown used to know and love London, I was missing my job so much I was going crazy. It wasn't just that, the biggest problem was that I couldn't see my future, I had no idea of was my path to follow this time, and that for me was unacceptable. Everything had to be under control, my control. 

all those fairytales are full of shit

I took a deep breath as I stared at my phone. Or more specifically the clock on my phone. I had 15 minutes to make this decision so I had to do it soon. I swallowed and wished like hell I could take a shot of something real strong before I dialed Jax's number.

this was never my mistake

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I nearly jumped, sliding it out and having a heart attack when I saw Colbie's face on the screen. Why was she calling me? This cosuldn't be good. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" I answered on the first ring, my voice coming out harsh but concerned. 

"We're fine." She choked out, sounding really scared.

"What do you want?" I clipped, a little relieved but still wary.

"I'm going to the doctor-" She started.

"I thought you said you were okay." I interrupted.

"I am Jax. I'm fine." She assured me. "It's just a normal check up with my OB-GYN." She added. "But um...." She trailed off. "Do you want to come with me? They can find out if it's a boy or a girl today...." 

i'll kiss you harder baby

I ran my arm across my forehead and set my paintbrush down. I'd been painting probably all day but my time at the beach had left me feeling inspired. But I now realized I was also starving. I glanced at the clock on the wall. I had planned to make dinner for Trav and I tonight but there wasn't time anymore.

the future is ours

"Lil?" I called out as I walked into my girlfriend's house and looked aroundm not finding her anywhere. Maybe she was upstairs. 

She appeared from the stairs, smiling at me as I set my jacket on the back of the couch. "Hey." She smiled and leaned in to kiss me.

"You look like you've been busy." I pointed out, noticing her stained clothes and her messy hair. That only meant one thing: she was painting and had lost track of time.

"I have." She smiled. "How was your day?" 

wanna keep you here

"So you like own this whole club?" The pretty blonde smiled at me and I laughed as I shook my head.
"No I'm just an investor." I replied, motioning to the bartender for another drink.
"So you're rich then?" She asked and I laughed again and shrugged.
"I'm not struggling." I admitted.

for better or worse i got you

I heard someone knocking on the door and I knew Trav wasn't home because he wouldn't knock at his own place.

you got me intoxicated

I knocked on the door of Travis' house, the noise of my fist hitting the wood making me cringe as if someone was trying to make my head explode. I felt awful, there was no other way to phrase it and it only got worse as days passed.
"Jax." Lila said in her soft voice as she opened the door, her eyes taking me in. "Trav is not home."
"I know, he's working like a dog. What's new." I muttered under my breath as I made my way inside and almost tripped on the carpet. "Fuck." I cursed.
Lila followed me into the kitchen, her eyes not leaving me for even a moment. "Are you drunk?" She asked after a moment.
"No, hangover." I answered in a groggy voice and sat on a chair by the table, tempted to lay on it.

this summer's gonna hurt

I walked to the bar of the trendy club where I was supposed to meet my friend and saw Caleb instead, busy flirting with a very young blonde girl. Interesting.
"Caleb?"
He turned his head. "Tara." He widened his eyes. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?" I asked. "This place doesn't really strike me as your type."
He laughed because of course I was right. I was starting to know him very well. "He owns it." The blonde said, staring down me with a glare. "And we were just leaving."
"You own what?" I blinked, taking a second to look at the girl and then back at him.
"I invested in this club." He replied, shrugging.
"Seriously?" I looked around and then took a seat at the bar stool, my dress inching up my thigh so much the guy next to my started staring.
"Um yeah. What are you doing here?"

talk to me, for just a little while

My head was pounding as I walked down the stairs before I realized that someone was knocking on my door. I blinked and walked over to it, opening it slowly only to find my sisters boyfriend standing there.
"Travis?"