1.22.2016

my love you lost and won

I knocked on the door of Colbie's house, hearing the footsteps approaching and smirking to myself with no reason at all.
“Jax!” Will said with enthusiasm as soon as he opened, his grin bigger than mine. He led me to the livingroom, updating me on his life while I listened carefully.
Colbie appeared a moment later, smiling. “Hey.” She said softly, blushing a little too.
“Hi Colbs.” I smiled back at her.
“I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
I just shrugged and she licked her lips while Will looked between the two of us.
“Um. I’m gonna go play basketball outside.” He said quickly, booking it out the door clearly seeing the tension between us. We had slept together and now I didn't know where our relationship was exactly.
“Your kid is too smart for his own good.” I replied.
She laughed. “He really is.” She agreed then took a step closer to me. “Look. You don’t need to say anything about what happened. I know it doesn’t mean that everything’s back to normal and I don’t want to ruin something so perfect by talking about it.”
“What do you mean?” I rose a brow.
“I mean that if and when you ever want to be with me again? I’m yours. But that doesn’t mean that I think one night together fixes what I did. I love you. So much. But I want you to be happy and I want you to know you want me before we rush into anything again.”
I looked at her as I considered what to tell her. I loved her, of course I did, and I wanted to be happy too. There was so much to tell and so little I wanted to tell instead, it was weird. "Okay." I said with a shrug.
She blinked at me, looking confused. "Okay?" She repeated slowly.
"Yes, you're right." I said simply and I meant it, then walked to the kitchen without any invitation and got myself a glass of water. "How are my girls?" I asked.
She blushed, her hand dropping on her tummy. "We're good." She answered simply.
I watched her closely, got closer too. "You seem...are you dizzy?"
"No, I'm fine." She said and this time she smiled at me.
"Good." I grinned at her as I grabbed her hand and kissed its back, then bent over and kissed where our daughter was.
"What are you doing here?" She asked in a breathy voice.
"Right." I grinned at her and reached for a folded piece of paper from the back pocket of my jeans, then showed it to her. "I need your signature."
She furrowed her brows as her expression turned serious. "Why?"
I shrugged the question away. "It doesn't matter if you trust me." I teased her.
"Of course I trust you." She said a little hurriedly.
I kept grinning, thinking she was cute, and leaned in to press a quick kiss on her lips. "Good answer."
I shrugged and grabbed a pen, signing it without even reading which surprised me a little, in a good way. "Hopefully I didn’t just agree to name our daughter after a star wars character or something.” She teased.
I blinked before I laughed at her. “Yes. I decided against Ruby. We’re naming her Chewbacca.”
She sighed. “Well she’ll be teased, but at least she has good genes so she’ll at least be cute.” She shrugged.
I laughed again and then pulled her closer, cupping her head and kissing her, this time harder than the chaste kiss of a few moments ago. She whimpered a little into my mouth before I nibbled on her lip. “You’re cute.” I said, my forehead pressed against hers.
“So are you.” She replied, biting down on her lip herself this time.
I wrinkled my face. “Take that back.”
She laughed. “Fine. You’re super manly and hot instead.” She replied, walking back over to where she’d been cooking and turning down the stove. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist before kissing her neck. “Mmmhmm…and?”
“And….a little cocky.” She laughed.
“Not the answer I was looking for…sorry.” I replied like I was a game show host pulling back and giving her a look of fake pity.
“Oh darn. What was the right answer?”
“There were a few that would have been acceptable. Sexy, talented, amazing father, incredible lover….all valid answers.”
“You’re all those things.” She agreed. “But also cocky.” She added.
"You're not any better." I shrugged and got closer to her again, setting my hands on her hips and peeking over her shoulder to see what she had been cooking.
"I'm not that cocky anymore, because you know-" She cut herself off and bit her lip as soon as she turned her head and meet my eyes. I was staring at her blankly, daring her to say something about her body. She blushed, because she knew I knew what she was thinking.
I ignored it, "What did you make?" I asked instead, wrapping my arms around her and holding her against me, my chin set on her shoulder and my hands on Ruby.
"Stew with potatoes. I woke up craving it and it's so odd because I don't really like it that much." She made a face.
I laughed, "It sounds delicious to me. It smells delicious too." I added honestly.
She smiled and her whole face lit up. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" She asked, hope into her gorgeous eyes as she turned into my arms.
I nodded as I kissed her mouth once again. "I'm glad you asked because I was about to invite myself." I told her with a smirk.
"Yes please." She chuckled, looking content before nuzzling my chest, I half expected her to start purring too.
"Mom-" Will walked into the kitchen and stopped when he saw us. Colbie tensed and tried to pull back, but I kept her against me. From now on, my rules.
"Do you need something?" I asked him quietly and nonchalantly, smiling too. His smile was bigger though.
"My friends asked me to go to the movies tonight." He smirked and gave me a look that I knew what that meant. Girls were involved too.
"But you have school tomorrow." Colbie said back, standing straighter and wearing her best serious face.
Will's eyes darted from hers to mine. "Jax?" He asked, as if I could give him the permission his mom didn't want to give him. He was a smart boy.
I wasn't smarter than him, but I was definitely older and wiser. I appreciated how he saw me as a father, only I'd always team up with his mom, no matter what. "You do have school tomorrow." I said slowly.
"But I never go out lately, I'm always home because I don't want to leave mom alone and you're here tonight so I know I wouldn't have to worry!" He protested, making an awfully good point and also knowing how to use words. He was a good kid and he liked to reminds us that. "And! I got an A today! Don't I deserve some fun?!"
I did my best not to start grinning but it was hard. He was right. And he was good enough to ask for permission, when I was his age I'd just sneak out.
"You don't even know if Jax is staying." Colbs said back, pulling back from me and setting her hands on her hips.
"Mom." He said and his face said it all. He wasn't stupid.
"Of course I'm staying." I admitted with a shrug, there was nothing wrong with that. "I'm a little upset you want to go out instead of staying home...I mean, I come over and you go out with your friends?" I shook my head, teasing him.
He broke into a grin, "Is it a yes?" He asked, hopeful.
"I can go pick him after the movie and take him back home..." I trailed off, looking down at Colbie. I was okay with that, also I wouldn't mind some time alone with her. But in the end, the decision was hers.
"Mom, please." He almost begged her.
I grinned this time and kept my eyes on hers, "Mom, please."
Colbs sighed, “At least when Ruby comes I’ll have someone on my side.” She replied dramatically.
“I don’t think she’ll be able to have her own opinion until she can talk.” Will said seriously, making me laugh.She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are there going to be girls at the movie?” She asked and he turned red at the question.
“Um. Yeah.”
“Then you better shower before you go.” She said, turning back to the soup before he threw himself into her arms.
“Oh yes!!! Thank you you’re the best mom ever!”
She rolled her eyes. “Mhmm. Shower. And you come home right after the movie.”
“Okay!!!” He was already halfway up the stairs by now and I was grinning at her.
“What?”
“Your whole tough but fair mom thing is kind of hot.” I wiggled my brows.
She laughed. “Says the man who used to never date anyone with a kid.” She pointed out.
“That was before I met you.” I winked.
She rolled her eyes. “Everyone in my house is trying to butter me up today.”
“It won’t be your house much longer.” I pointed out.
“I know.” She smiled. “When can I see the new floors?”
“Tomorrow.” I replied. “And the landscaping outside.”
She blinked. “We didn’t talk about any landscaping.” She replied.
“Yeah but I know you and your family, you’ll need a big place for barbecues. Besides, Lila wants to throw the baby shower there and if your family and my family are all in the same place we’ll need indoor and outdoor living.”
She blinked. “Both of our families?”
I shrugged. “Unless Lila’s not planning on inviting some people.”
She just looked back at me. ”That should be…..interesting.” She said simply, scooping the finished stew into two bowls and grabbing spoons and a beer for me, juice for her.
“Because your brothers still don’t like me?” I questioned slowly.
She shook her head. “I was more thinking about Travis, but yeah, they don’t love the fact that you knocked up their sister.” She admitted.
“Well they can get over it.” I growled, opening my beer. “What? It’s not like we can change it and I don’t want to. It’s a happy thing, something to celebrate.”
“I agree.” She admitted.
“Good.” I sipped my soup and groaned. “Damn I missed your cooking.”
“Good.” She replied back, smirking into her soup.
I gave her an amused look as I sipped my beer, enjoying the moment and how normal it was. "Just good?" I asked and smirked back at her.
She shrugged and stared at me as she bit on her lip. "What we were talking about again?" She asked, blinking.
I laughed, shaking my head. "Your food. Are you distracted gorgeous?" I asked her softly.
"A little." She answered, smiling sweetly at me.
I reached for her hand and squeezed it, thinking that we could have many nights like this in the future. "What do you want to do tonight?"
She shrugged again and this time a naughty grin was curving her lips. "It depends on what you're offering..." She trailed off.
"We could go out." I suggested since we hadn't done that in months. We had been too busy fighting.
"That's a good idea, she's always home." Will cut into the conversation as he walked into the kitchen.
"We could go to the movies." I paused, grinning as I glanced at him. "What film are you going to see again?"
Colbie chuckled and Will shook his head, "No. Don't even think about it. I'm not telling you!" He protested.
"He's only messing with you." Colbie said softly.
"I hope so." He sighed like the silly boy he was then kissed his mom's cheek. "I'm going, I'll see you later mom. Jax."
"Text me when the movie is over and I'm going to pick you." I reminded him as I kept my eyes on him. "Have fun!"
He waved at us one last time and then he was gone. Colbie set her chin on her palm. "He's growing up too fast. I can't believe it sometimes." She commented quietly.
"It must have been hard for you...taking care of him alone." I said as I finished my stew.
She nodded in agreement. "Yes but I did a good job, didn't I?" She asked with a proud expression on her face. She had any right to be proud, Will was an amazing kid.
"Great job." I agreed simply.
"I'm happy he has you too now...I'm happy that Ruby will have a father." She said seriously and looked at me with an expression that couldn't be mistaken. That was love.
"They'll never get rid of me." I winked at her, making the moment lighter but also meaning it. Family was the first thing for me. "So, want to go get an ice cream?"
"Yes please." She lit up like a Christmas tree. "I'd kill for a sundae actually."
"Deal." I said as I got up.
She did too and sighed, "I have to wash the dishes first." She pouted.
I shook my head, already setting everything into the sink. "You cooked, I clean. But later, when we'll be back." I told her and grinned when she walked to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Go get changed baby" I told her softly, lifting her chin and pressing a kiss on her lips. "Hurry."
“Are you saying you don’t want to take me out in my pajamas?” Colbie asked, pretending to be shocked.
“I will if you want.” I shrugged.
“I’m just kidding.” She laughed as she wobbled to her bedroom.
“Wow.” I grinned as I saw her wearing just a pair of jeans and a top, but she was gorgeous.
She rolled her eyes. “Oh come on this is nothing compared to the tiny dresses I used to wear for you.”
I shrugged. “I know, and I loved those don’t get me wrong. But Colbie you glow this way.”
She took a deep breath. “Thanks.” She replied, smiling genuinely and surprising me a little since I’d thought she was going to argue. “I do love being pregnant, even if I can’t fit any of my cute clothes.”
“You were made for this.” I replied, holding her baby bump that had our daughter inside. “It’s sexy as hell seeing you grow our daughter. I never thought it would be trust me but damn, every time I see you…you’re fucking beautiful.”
She cupped my face and kissed me. “You’re going to have to not say fucking so much when the baby comes.” She teased against my lips and I laughed as I pulled away.
“I’ll try. But with Lila and my brothers….and Rob I think she’s destined to have a potty mouth.” I replied.
“Hey! Will doesn’t!” She protested. “At least not around me.”
"Because he's the most polite of this crazy family." I grinned at her as we headed outside and to my car.
She nodded in agreement and for a moment we drove in silence. "Did you know that Travis doesn't like it when Lila curse?" She asked out of nowhere.
I glanced at her, raising one eyebrow. "What?!"
"She told me that." She nodded.
"My brother's crazy." I grinned because that sounded like something Travis would do. "He's a little controlling."
"A little?!" She laughed, "I'm happy you're not."
I parked and got out of the car, going to open Colbie's door. "Wouldn't you stop cursing if I asked you to?" I asked, teasing her because I didn't care.
She shrugged, "I could try...but I don't think I would." She said honestly.
I grabbed her hand as we walked to the place were Travis Adam and I used to go when we were kids. Surprisingly enough, it was still open. "We both might stop when we'll have Ruby." I added as a second thought, lacing my fingers with hers.
"Time is passing so fast...we'll have her so soon." She said softly, using her free hand to touch her belly.
"I can't wait to be honest. I'm terrified too, but mostly I can't wait." I confessed, smiling at her.
"Me too but there's still so much to do." She sighed and pouted as I led her inside.
"Can I help you with something baby?" I asked her before we slid into a booth, wanting to help now that things were starting to be good again.
She bit down on her lip, "You should come to my prenatal class with me."
I blinked at her because I wasn't expecting that. "I-" I cut myself off. Wow. "Sure. I warn you I don't even have idea of what that is exactly...but yes. Of course I will." I paused one more time, deep into my thoughts. "Do you want me to be there while you give birth?" I asked her, not sure if I wanted to be there. Maybe yes. Maybe no. I didn't even know, I had never thought about it.
“If you want to be.” Colbie nodded. “But maybe you can stay at my head. I kind of want you having better visuals of my vagina.” She admitted, just as the waitress walked up which made me burst into laughter as she turned beet red.
“Um….I’ll give you a minute.” She said, hurrying away as Colbs started laughing along with me until she stopped.
“OH!” She held her tummy. “Feel.” She grabbed my hand and pressed it against her stomach.
“Wow.” I smiled as I felt our baby girl. “I want to be there Colbs….I swear I’ll stay at your head.” I smirked and she laughed as she rolled her eyes.
“Are you ready?” The waitress asked wearily.
“Give us the triple sundae, all the fixings.” I grinned. “And two spoons.” She nodded and walked away.
“You really want to be there?”
“I do.”
She smiled as she relaxed against the booth. “I’d love that.” She said as I grabbed her hand and ran my thumb across it. “My mother will probably be there too.” She admitted.
“I like your mom.” I shrugged.
“Me too.” She grinned.
“How’s work?” I asked.
She took a deep breath and shrugged. “It’s good I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I don’t know….I feel like I’ve done everything I can with my job and it’s not exciting anymore.” She admitted, surprising me.
“Are you complaining about being good at your job?” I teased her.
She laughed. “No…It’s just. Like you, you were great working for someone else, you were the best really, but now you have your own company and it’s even better.”
“Colbie you do have your own company.” I reminded her.
“I know so what else can I do!?” She shrugged. "Maybe it’s just a weird hormonal phase.” She shrugged. “Tell me about the house. What’s next?”
"You boxing up all your things." I grinned at her, pausing when the waitress got us our sundae.
She widened her eyes, "Already?! I'm not ready!" She said and I could tell she was both surprised and worried.
I took a spoonful of ice cream, sheugging. "You still have some time. The rooms are almost all finished, except for the kitchen." I explained.
She furrowed her brows, a questioning expression on her face, "What happened to the kitchen? I thought that was supposed to be finished by last week."
"I sent back the tiles, I didn't like them." I said matter of factly.
She swallowed and licked her lips, "What if I did like them instead?" She teased me.
I grinned, "You wouldn't. Trust me."
"I do trust you...and not about the tiles only." She said softly.
I wrapped my free arm around her, pulling her closer to me, "I know you do." I told her before kissing her forehead, "Are you going to use any furniture from your old house?"
She made a face, digging into the sundae, "No. I want a fresh start...I want nothing from the house I'm living in. It belongs to the past."
"You're so wise today." I kept grinning at her, loving how easy the mood was between us and how nice this night was being. This was the real Colbie, the one I had fallen in love with, not the one that had lost her mind completely and broke my heart.
She nodded in agreement, biting back a smirk. "What about yous house instead?" She asked after a moment.
"What about my house?" I asked back with a brow raised.
She shrugged, "You still live at the cabin right?"
I nodded because I had so much to do lately that finding myself another place to live wasn't in the top list. "Yes and I don't mind it. As long as I'm alone I don't need much space. I sold my old one though."
She blinked at me, "Where are you even keeping your stuff?"
"My parents' spare garage." I replied simply.
She broke eye contact, focusing on the ice cream but I could see her brain working. "It's just that I was thinking..." She trailed off then shook her head.
"What were you thinking?" I asked when she didn't add more.
"Nevermind." She let out a deep breath then looked at me again, smiling.
I decided against pushing her further, instead I changed the topic. "My parents asked me if you want to come to this Sunday dinner." I told her, that was a tradition of my family which she knew well, she had come a few times too before being banned. But now we were good again and she was going to be the mother of my daughter...I had no reasons to keep her away anymore.
“I would love to.” Colbs said seriously.
“Will too of course.” I replied.
“He’ll be thrilled. He loves your mom’s cooking.” She smiled. “Which is a little offensive to me if I’m being honest.”
I laughed. “I’m sure that she’d teach you a few things.” I winked. “She tried to teach Lila but…” I made a scrunched up face.
“Hey she’s getting better. I never thought I’d see the day when a man would make her cook.” She shook her head.
“Well when you’re in love making the other person happy is your first priority.” I shrugged.
“Oh? Is that what Travis does?” She questioned.
“Do you think he doesn’t?” I questioned, not judging but more curious.
She sighed. “I don’t know. He’s always so serious and business man. It’s hard to picture….” She stopped. “No actually I’m wrong. he cares deeply.” She replied. “But he hides it well.”
“He does.” I grinned. “But if Ruby acts like Poppy and likes him better than me I’m going to kick him.” I replied, my eyes narrowing at nothing.
She laughed. “I’m sure she will like him more because he’ll be the fun uncle and you’re going to be strict daddy.” She smirked.
“Do you think I’ll be strict?” I asked, looking surprised at her.
“She’s going to be smart and beautiful and talented Jax. You’re never going to want to let her out of the house.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “You’re making me nervous.”
“You’re cute.” She replied and I made a face.
“Try again.”
“Not this again!” She laughed. “I’m not complimenting you anymore!”
I tossed my napkin at her. “How do you expect to get lucky tonight if you don’t butter me up first?” I teased.
“Mmmm….am I getting lucky tonight?” She asked, bursting with silliness and happiness.
I shrugged, acting nonchalant but also wondering what exactly she was expecting if anything. "It depends." I faked to ignore her as I scooped up the last bite of our sundae.
A pout appeared on her lips immediately. "Hey." She protested then grinned when I fed her the last spoon of ice cream.
"I better get used to feed other people." I smirked and that got me a light punch on my chest and a glare.
She licked her lips, her eyes still narrowed on me. "You won't be so amused when Ruby won't want to eat and her food will be everywhere but in her mouth."
I made a face because that didn't sound good. "You won't be either when you'll have to clean." I teased her because of course I'd never let her do all the dirty work. I was all about equality.
"Well I don't know if I'm getting lucky tonight but you're not for sure." She crossed her arms against her chest.
I pulled her against me and tilted her head, capturing her lips with mine and fighting against her little resistance that didn't last long. "You mean I can't sleep with you?" I asked against her mouth, staring into her eyes and using my best low voice.
She swallowed and shook her head. "You already know I could never say no to that..." She trailed off.
"Good." I shot her a smug grin.
"Even if Will is home? Or you didn't mean sleep really?" She asked after a moment.
"I meant both." I kissed her more chastely, "And yes even if Will is home...as long as you're not loud."
"Oh my god." She cringed and I laughed. "That'd be so embarrassing."
I gave her a look as my hand landed on her belly. "I think Will already knows we have sex Colbs. Unless he didn't notice you're pregnant."
She made a face. "I don't want to think about what he knows."
"He'll probably start having sex soon too." I shrugged, thinking about how I was at his age.
Colbs choked on some nuts at my words. “Fuck Jax.” She shook her head and I laughed.
“What?”
“He’s still a baby!!!” She protested. “He didn’t even have his first kiss until like last year!” She protested.
“Mmmhm.” I nodded, licking whipped cream off my spoon. “And how long did it take you to go from first kiss to sex? A year? Maybe 2?”
“Um more like 5!!!!” She replied.
I shrugged. “Well you’re a girl it’s a little different.”
She pouted. “He should wait until he’s 30.” She replied even if that was completely unrealistic.
“Like you did?” I grinned and she rolled her eyes.
“I at least waited for the guy I married!” She protested.
“Yeah that worked out really well for you.”
She chucked her napkin at me and sighed. “My god if you’re being serious I’m going to have to talk to him….” She trailed off.
“I can talk to him.” I offered. “Probably would be a little less awkward then talking about sex with his mom.”
“Sure. Just from the guy who’s doing his mom.” The waitress chose that point to come by and ask us for refills. Colbs set her face in her hands and shook her head as I started laughing again and sent the poor girl away. “I have the worst timing today.”
“You do. I’ll talk to him.”
She nodded. “Okay. But maybe like in a year. Or 4.”
I shook my head. “When he’s 18? It’ll be way too late.”
She grumbled and pouted at the table. Then she looked at the menu wistfully.
“Don’t look so down babe he’s a good kid. He’ll be smart.”
"It’s not that…..mostly.” She replied pouting a little more.
“What’s wrong Colbs?”
She looked up at me with her best puppy eyes. “Can we order french fries?”
I raised one eyebrow at her. "Just that?" I asked.
She blushed, "Yes, but I feel like I'm eating like a pig." She admitted and made a face.
I smirked, amused because she was just being silly. "You're eating for two." I reminded her.
"But still." She shrugged, still pouty.
"Get your french fries silly woman." I shook my head, my smirk still in place as I reached for my phone as it vibrated. I moved my eyes from Colbie to my phone, reading Will's text.
"Who's texting you?" She asked and when I looked back at her she was pursing her lips together.
"Why are you asking?" I asked back, because she had never asked before and because I wasn't sure if I liked that. No, I didn't. She didn't answer and just shrugged, looking as if she was holding back. "Tall, blonde, blue eyes..." I told her, watching her reaction.
She widened her eyes, "Are you seeing someone?!" She asked in one breath only, not holding back anymore and looking kind of upset. What was she, jealous now?
"Later, yes." I nodded, "And you are too. It was Will." I grinned from ear to ear.
"Oh god." She groaned and pushed me away, not as amused as I was.
I pulled her back against her, smiling and kissing her cheek, "Come on baby, it was good news! You still have one hour to eat your french fries."
“Hmm. That is good news.” Colbs admitted but was still blushing.
“Colbs…”
“I feel so stupid! I automatically jumped to a conclusion….you’ve never ever given me any reason to think you’d be seeing someone else while you were sleeping with me.” She shook her head.
“That’s true.” I agreed.
“It’s just you’re so hot!!!” She complained.
“I’m glad you think so.” I smirked.
“I don’t want to be jealous.” She sighed.
“Jealousy is a normal human emotion Colbie.” I started. “But you do have to trust me….” I trailed off.
“Okay.” She nodded.
“That wasn’t very believable.” I replied, reaching for her hand.
“I don’t ever want to lose you again.” She whispered.
I smiled and rubbed her hand. “Colbie no matter what happens we’re having a baby. I will always be there for you and Ruby and Will. Always.”
“I know.” She nodded, but sighed too.
“Besides, Trav and Lil are five steps away from wedding bells so we’ll basically be related.”
She widened her eyes at me. "Eww.” She said as I laughed and She blinked back at me. “They are not getting married.” She scoffed.
“No?” I questioned.
“They’re not really the marrying type.” She shrugged. “I was always the one dreaming of a big wedding, not Lila.” She widened her eyes as soon as she finished speaking. It wasn't like I didn't know that.
“Did you get one?” I asked.
She blinked back at me and shook her head. “No.” She replied.
“Why not?” I pushed her, wanting to know more.
She licked her lips and shrugged. “I was pregnant and my family thought a pregnant bride would look bad.” She replied, not even saying Nick's name.
I stared at her. “That’s stupid.” I answered as the waitress brought a plate of steaming fries. “Ranch dressing please?” I asked the girl and Colbs blinked back at me. “I know you like to dip your fries.”
“I do.” She smiled.
“Lila would make a great bride instead.” I changed the subject.
“Of course she would.” She scoffed. “She’s gorgeous and fun. I just….I dunno does Travis even want to get married?”
"Uh yes. Definitely." I nodded, watching her closely and smirking when she widened her eyes.
"Really?!" She asked, not hiding her surprise as she blinked her eyes at me, averting them away from me only when she got her dressing and started dipping her fries into it like no tomorrow.
I only smirked wider, pushing a loose stray of her golden hair behind her ear. "Yes you shouldn't look so surprised."
"Yes instead." She glanced up at me through her lashes and pausing to stuff her mouth. "I thought he was against relationships and commitment."
I raised one eyebrow at her, "He's been with Lila for a while now." I pointed out.
"But I thought that was because of Lila, not that he was dying to be with someone." She said back, eating her fries at the speed of sound as she kept her eyes on me.
"Well, yes, Lila had and has a big part in that but before her, in the past, there was a time when Travis really wanted a relationship that would lead him to have a family. Actually he wanted that more than me and Adam." I explained with a shrug.
"Adam got married first though!" She furrowed her brows and I could see she was thinking hard.
I shrugged again, because that was obvious. "Life happened and it was natural for Adam and Liz to get married at some point, they didn't go to college and both had good jobs...they were crazy for each other so why not?" I thought out loud.
She listened to me carefully, nodding her head. "And you?"
"And me...what?" I asked slowly.
She shook her head and broke eye contact. "Nothing." She said, clearly holding back.
I reached for her chin, gently forcing her to look at me again. "Talk to me baby."
"Maybe I have no right to ask you what your thoughts were about marriage." She confessed eventually, her voice small.
"I never put too much though into it, I guessed that at some point I'd start a family you know...I'd get married and have babies, like everyone does." I said simply because before Colbs it had been that simple. "I'm doing it in the wrong order instead." I added with a grin, making the moment lighter because really, it was no big deal. I was happy with what I had.
“But you never dated girls with that potential.” Colbs pointed out.
“I hadn’t met the right one I guess.” I shrugged. “Like Trav with Lil. Except with you it was different. Trav and Lil didn’t know they were going to fall in love. Ie knew pretty fast you were much more than a pretty girl.”
“I knew too.” She admitted. “But I never thought you’d feel the same way.” She licked her lips. “I never thought this would be my life. I wanted to get a degree, travel the world, maybe get a dog.” She shrugged. “Will was the best thing that ever happened to me, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes I do feel like I missed out on a life free of responsibilities.”
“You can still travel the world Colbs. But now you have Will and Ruby to share it with. That’s better isn’t it?”
She smiled softly because I was right. “Yes.” She nodded. "But maybe we’ll wait a little while so Ruby can actually appreciate it.” She laughed. “Will I have you to share it with too?” She asked.
“Is that what you want?”
She dipped a fry into her dressing and chewed while she nodded. “I want to share my life with you Jackson.” She said seriously. “The good parts and the awful parts. But definitely the parts where we travel with our family.” She licked her lips and nodded. “Did I tell you Will wants to change his name?”
“To what? Captian America?”
She shook her head. “No he wants to be William Cole.”
I blinked back at her without saying anything for a moment. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, he says he wants the same name as his sister.” She replied.
“What did you say?”
She shrugged. “I told him when he was 18 he could change it to whatever he wanted. That’s when he asked if he could change it to Vin Diesel.” She laughed.
I laughed with her, "Will kills me. He's always so serious and good but sometimes he's just hilarious and a smartass. Just like his mom." I added more softly, thinking about all the responsabilities I was taking on my shoulders. With Will was different than with Ruby, she was my daughter, I didn't choose to have her, even if I was enthusiast about it, and we shared blood so she had no choice but to be my daughter. Will had a father already, but was he a father really? Just because he got Colbie pregnant 14 years before? He had never been part of his life...and now Will was choosing me to be the person to fill the spot that had been empty for so long. He wanted a father, a family. It was a big deal. But I was willing to give him what he wanted, because I already loved him like he was my own and my biggest fear was to disappoint him.
"Jax." Colbie said softly.
I turned my head to her and blinked, "Uhm?" I mumbled unintelligently.
She set her hand on my chest as she looked up at me, "You're thinking super hard. Want to share?" She asked and gave me a sweet smile. That was my Colbie.
"I was thinking about Will." I paused, still deep into my thoughts. "Do you think I could adopt him?"
Her expression changed and looked beyond surprised. I was too, to be honest. "I...I don't know. I never thought about it, I have no idea if it's possible."
I inhaled deeply, because the subject was complex and I'd probably have to be married with Colbie. "We already have enough on our plate for now." I said quietly and smiled at her, kissing her nose.
She cuddled against me and nodded, making me forget where we were. But then I remembered and I couldn't wait to go home with her. "Did I tell you that I love you?" She whispered.
I kissed her lips this time then grinned. "A few times."

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