I felt Caleb's lips press a kiss against my collar bone, it waking me and also making me wiggle and groan. I wanted to sleep some more. “Not yet.” I muttered.
He chuckled and nuzzled into where my neck met my shoulder. “It’s morning.” He pointed out, his voice low and warm waking me slowly. God he was impossible to resist.
“I didn’t hear an alarm go off.” I winced and opened my eyes slowly.
He grinned at my face, “It might be a little earlier than usual.”
I pouted. “Why would you do that to me?”
He chuckled and nuzzled into where my neck met my shoulder. “It’s morning.” He pointed out, his voice low and warm waking me slowly. God he was impossible to resist.
“I didn’t hear an alarm go off.” I winced and opened my eyes slowly.
He grinned at my face, “It might be a little earlier than usual.”
I pouted. “Why would you do that to me?”
“I thought you were a morning person.” He grinned, teasing me.
I shook my head. “If it’s earlier than usual then it’s not morning. It’s night.”
“Mmm then maybe I just want a nighttime snack….” He trailed off, reaching down and grabbing the hem of my tank top, pushing it up my chest.
“Hmmm….” My body got used to the idea, my face flushing, my eyes dilating and nipples puckering as he pressed against them while peeling the flimsy cotton off of my body. He was so good at seducing me, even if he didn't really need to.
“Is that a yes?” He grinned wider, looking excited and generally handsome. I couldn't say no to him, ever.
“Do I have to move?” I smirked and he gave me a wicked grin and shook his head.
“Not if you don’t want to.” He replied, slowly kissing his way down my neck and sucking on one breast.
“Caleb.” I arched my body into him and slid my hands into his hair, my body and voice still sleepy and breathy.
“I thought you weren’t going to move.” He grinned and treated my other breast to the same torture.
“Oh god….” I let my head fall back onto the pillow as he kissed my stomach.
“How long do I have before we actually have to get up?” He asked, looking up at me as he peeled my panties down my legs.
I hummed and tilted my head to look at the clock. “47 minutes.” I replied breathily.
“I think that’s time for what I have planned.” He grinned.
---
“Morning sex and breakfast in bed?” I grinned, my face flushed in a freshly fucked kind of way that was my favorite. I felt great and all because of Caleb.
“I’m going to breakfast with my brother, he’s meeting me here in about 30 minutes.” He announced.
I widened my eyes as I ate a mouthful of bacon. “I’ll eat fast.”
“I don’t have any problems telling my brother about us.” He said softly, leaning in to kiss my lips.
“Still this isn’t how I wanted to do it.” I stuffed down 3 more pieces of bacon and slid out of bed, naked. “I’m going to take a shower.”
He reached out and spanked my ass. “Hurry before I follow you in and my brother will walk in on something totally different.” He teased and I squealed before running into the shower and shutting the door behind me ready to follow my morning routine, which included not only showering but singing silly songs too.
Once out of the shower I did my hair, noticing the smile on my face that was just stuck there, thanks to Caleb. He was so amazing, so perfect. I got dressed quickly, guessing that maybe I still had 15 minutes to spend with Caleb, and when I didn't find my shirt I just walked out the bedroom in nothing but my skirt and my bra. I wasn't prepared to what was about to come. "“Babe where’s my shirt?” I asked at the same time John walked in by the door, following Jaden.
"Woah." Caleb's brother said.
I blinked my eyes a few times to make sure I was really seeing what was in front of me or if I was just hallucinating. No, John was really there. My first impulse was to run away and hide because this wasn't supposed to happen now, not like this. My second one was to try to cover myself because I was still half naked, not that John had never seen me like this, only he had never seen me half naked in his cousin's house. The math was easy to do and no matter how bad I wanted to find an excuse to justify this I knew that there was none that would sound good or even believable. That and we had already waited long enough, too long apparently. "I..." I trailed off in the unreal silence but didn't know what to say. I wished there was something I could say that would make things better. My legs moved and I found myself marching back to Caleb's bedroom, which was completely weird but it also made sense because no matter what was going to happen, I didn't want it to happen while I was wearing a bra only.
John was behind me quickly, though I was having a hard time processing what was happening. "What the hell are you doing here?!" His voice boomed into the room, followed shortly by the noise of the door slamming shut. He trapped me.
I reached for the top I had worn the day before and covered myself quickly, then I finally made eye contact with him. His face was...God. It was bad. He looked so close to explode. "I'm with Caleb." I said simply, swallowing.
He took a step closer, pinning me with a furious stare. "I guessed as much you little slut." He said in a low tone that was scarier than any scream. "What is he now? Your fuck buddy? How long has it been? Did you just wait to end things with me to jump in bed with him?"
I let his words hurt me, I deserved it. I wasn't exactly a saint and in all honesty I didn't care if I took all the blame here, I actually wanted to, it was the only way to make Caleb look as good as possible. If possible. "No, we're together. Not just for sex, for real. And I'm sorry if you had to find out like this, I should have talked to you first-"
His bitter laugh cut me off while I started feeling claustrophobic. "And tell me what?! How did you think you could ever give me a good excuse for fucking my cousin?!" He started yelling, his face red with anger.
"You're right." I said as calmly as I could, taking his blows and trying to be strong because I was doing this for Caleb. I didn't care if John was going to crush me, as long as he vented on me only. "There's no good excuse, it just happened. Caleb has always been there for me and then something clicked...I'm sorry John, I am really but I couldn't fight it."
"I knew he liked you...damn I knew it!!!" He went on screaming, barely listening to my words but oh well what was I expecting?
I shook my head quickly, set on defending my man. "No it's all my fault. Don't blame it on him." I almost begged him.
"You're such a bitch. I don't even know how I could be with you for a full year." He spat, his words venomous and, this time, wounding me deep. I'd never say anything like that to him.
I tried to take a deep breath since I felt like I was choking, the voices coming from the other side of the door distracting me from John a moment. I didn't want Caleb to step in the conversation just yet, even if I wanted him with me more than anything.
But he pushed the door open full force, his own eyes flaming when he saw me. "Tara." Was all he said at first and I didn't know what he was reading on my own face but his own twisted in pain.
"Go away, I need to talk to John a little more." I managed to say even if in all honesty I had no idea of what I could tell him. He'd just probably keep insulting me and I'd let him. I had no other choice though.
“Not by yourself.” Caleb narrowed his eyes, protecting me like he always did.
“YOU!” John glared, before grabbing Caleb's shirt and shoving him against the wall. Was he crazy?
“John.” Caleb started but John interrupted him a growl while I silently prayed that they wouldn't start punching each other.
“You’re my friend!!! MY BLOOD!!!”
Caleb swallowed thickly and nodded. “I know.” He agreed, not adding anything else and I wondered what he was thinking.
“And what the fuck does she mean you’re together!?” John shoved him back again but Caleb kept a straight face.
“It’s true. We’ve been dating for a while.” He said slowly while I cringed at his words, because I knew the effect they'd have on John.
“You haven’t dated anyone in YEARS! I know you! You always had a crush on her. I knew it. I saw the way you looked at her.” John paused just a second to breathe while Caleb just swallowed, looking so guilty it killed me. “But I thought you respected me enough to never touch her! But now I see getting my sloppy leftovers is something that appeals to you.”
Caleb's demeanor changed drastically and now he looked as mad as my ex. “Why the fuck do you even care John!? She was right there! In your life in your house and you barely noticed her!!!! How could you let someone like that go!?”
“Maybe because my cousin was seducing her behind my back!” John argued back even though it was bullshit. Caleb had always be a gentleman.
“That’s not what happened!!!!” I shouted even though no one was listening to me.
“Did you fuck her when we were together?” John asked, still beyond mad.
Caleb shook his head. “No.” He said seriously, looking nothing but honest.
“I told you that!!!” I shouted again but I wasn't sure I had told him that, had I? I was a little confused and I was having a hard time keeping track of what I was saying.
“I’m sorry I don’t trust sluts!” John yelled back and that was it.
Caleb lost it. He slammed his fist against his cousin's jaw, hurling him to the ground in his room. “You NEVER speak to a woman like that.” He said seriously. “Especially not Tara.”
I glanced briefly at Jaden who was standing there, looking a mix of pissed off and confused. He was doing nothing. Nothing. I had to get ready to step between them.
“Are you kidding me!?” John sat up and wiped the blood from his jaw. “I always wondered why you married Selene. But now I know. She was a drama queen and you love the drama.” He shook his head and looked at me. “When you stop being a fun adventure? He’s going to drop you like the piece of trash you are.” He added, his words like blades, cutting me deep.
I flinched and Caleb lunged at him again but Jaden held him back. Thank god.
“John! What the fuck man have you been drinking? You realize you sound like a jackass right?” Jaden tried to make him reason, I already knew it was useless.
“You’re going to take his side?!? He fucked my girlfriend!!!” John went on.
“Okay first of all? Ex-girlfriend from what it sounds like.” Jaden said, looking between us.
I nodded because when we first slept together I was a single girl. “And believe me I never would have been your girlfriend if I had known you were capable of saying such terrible things.” I replied softly, trying to have some dignity but truth was I felt awful in so many ways.
John shook his head but had the decency to look ashamed at least of his words. Maybe. This man I had in front of me wasn't the man I had loved.
“Secondly? I’m not on anyones side. What you two did is fucked up. You at least should have told everyone first. Especially John. I have no idea what you were thinking.” Jaden shook his head at his. “John is right, you’re not a commitment guy. If you’re going to leave her you need to do it before this gets any messier." He added and I almost fainted, air leaving my lungs and not coming back. How could Caleb think we'd work as a couple if everyone around him thought he had no chance to stay in a relationship?
“I’m not going to fucking leave her!!!” Caleb started shouting again and I wished his words made me feel better. They didn't.
“You’ve never had a decent relationship in your life!!!” John shouted back.
“John!!! You moved on!!! Why the hell are you THIS angry at her? You told me not an hour ago you were glad you broke up!!!!” Jaden interjected.
“Doesn’t mean I want my cousin to have sleepovers with her!!!!”
Jaden shook his head. “My god.” He looked over to me, clearing judging me. “You understand what you’re getting into here right? I’m not sure it’s worth it.”
“It IS worth it.” Caleb exclaimed. “She’s worth anything. Everything.”
Jaden blinked at his words. “Shit.”
John laughed bitterly, "Do you believe him?" He asked to Jaden.
"I do." I said first as I stared at Caleb, because I didn't care what they thought, his opinion was the only one that mattered.
My ex's eyes moved to me, then back to his cousin, "You two are so delusional." He shook his head.
"I believe him too." Jaden said eventually, shrugging. That pissed John off all over again, just in case he ever stopped being furious.
"They shouldn't even be together! And they won't last, we all know that already!" He spat.
"Look I know you're mad and trust me, I am too, but I think they did what they did for a good reason?" Jaden pointed out, not sounding sure himself.
"We did." I said timidly, "And it's not like you wanted me back anyway. You moved on and so did I."
John scoffed. "Thank god I did. I'd never go back there...my girlfriend is so much better than you." He said slowly, staring at me. He hated me.
Caleb furrowed his brows, "Do you have a girlfriend now?" He asked slowly.
"This is none of your business." He pointed his finger at him, speaking through gritted teeth. "You're never going to meet her, I wouldn't want to take the risk of you trying to steal her from me. Again."
"That's not what happened!" I protested, beyond frustrated.
"Oh shut up." John silenced me, being the ass he was.
Caleb's eyes turned dark again. "Don't talk to her like that." He warned him.
"I hope you're happy with the choice you made, you're ruining our relationship for...her." He glanced at me with disgust, "And you're going to realize it was the mistake you made when it will be too late."
"I never wanted to ruin our relationship." Caleb said in a voice that was softer while I backed to the closest wall for support, starting to feel overwhelmed. It was as if everything and everyone was against us. "I wish you could understand that."
"I won't." John spat back.
"You're furious now, maybe you need some time to-" Jaden started but John cut him off.
"I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense." He said in a clipped tone, walking past Caleb and glaring at him, "You fucked up." He growled before walking out of the room, Jaden following him.
I swallowed and looked at Caleb, while I let my body slide down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. "You should go too and try to talk to him again." I managed to say in a whisper while so many feeling went through me. I was hurt because of John's words, not just the insults, but the lack of faith both him and Jaden had in Caleb too, I was confused because I wondered if they were right even if I refused to believe them, I was mostly scared they could be and that Caleb would realize that too. If you're going to leave her you need to do it before this gets any messier, Jaden had said before adding that he wasn't sure it was worth it anyway. Everyone was going to hate me, and I was tempted to push Caleb away, because of me he was about to get through a hell and I didn't want that for him...he wasn't even that sure about us, why risking his family for me?
“No.” Caleb sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms, my small body folding instinctively into his because no matter what happened, he was my safe place and there was no way of denying that. “He’s too angry it wouldn’t be any use talking to him now.”
“Your brother..” I trailed off, guessing that maybe he could start from him instead.
“Will handle him.” He replied. “Jaden is good at that.” He kissed my forehead and took a deep breath. “Tara. What they said….” He twisted his head to crack his neck.
“We did fuck up. We should have told everyone as soon as it had happened.” I whispered as I stared at literally nothing, too busy replaying the past hour.
“I don’t think that would have made it any different…” He sighed. “I meant what they said about me. They’re right, but they’re also wrong.”
“What?” I blinked up at him, tears in my eyes and confusion in my mind.
“I’ve never had a good relationship….ever. My marriage was a joke, the girls I dated before and after Selene knew that I wasn’t ever going to be serious about them. I’m the guy you have fun with, but not the one you wish for happily ever after with.”
“Are….are you breaking up with me?” I asked, widening my eyes and feeling terrified.
“No. Fuck I’m trying to make sure you don’t leave me. I WAS that guy. I don’t want to be anymore. For once in my life I met someone I can see a future with. Someone I want a future with. Someone I want to put first in my life and that includes putting you before family. I know it’s not the best situation. I know I’m a risk. But I promise I’m not with you because I have some twisted love of drama, or because you were off limits. I’m with you because of who you are and how I feel when I’m with you.” He said, almost all in one breath.
“Caleb...” I trailed off, wanting to tell him how amazing he was but the words got stuck in my throat.
“I know Jaden and John said things that made sense….even that were true. But I swear that even if we end up not together some time down the road I will never toss you aside. I’ll fight for you until I can’t fight anymore. Understand?”
I looked up into his eyes until I couldn't anymore, they were so deep and so full of emotion...they did something to me and I came undone. I buried my face against his chest and started sobbing, tears running down my cheeks and wetting his shirt while I felt his arm wrap around me tightly. I didn't even know why I was crying so hard, maybe it was just that I had tried so hard to hold back during the confrontation with John and now I was just a mess.
"Tara...why are you crying like this? Talk to me baby..." He said softly though I could hear the hint of fear in his voice.
I pursed my lips tight together, doing my best to just stop. "I know why you're with me." I finally managed to say even though I was choking on my words.
"You still want to stay with me...right?" He asked slowly, almost carefully, as he lifted my chin to look at the mess that was my face right now.
I nodded and sniffled, "I have faith in you, I always had. You know that I've always been your biggest fan even when you didn't believe in yourself." I told him, letting him see through me. I was hiding my fears though, because I knew that he already had enough doubts as it was, he didn't need to hear mine too.
He cupped my face with a tenderness that went straight to my heart. "That's because you're amazing." He told me softly as he wiped my tears with his thumbs. "Don't cry anymore baby."
I bit down hard on my lip, "I can't help it. I can't think about you risking your family for me. Today was John but that's how everyone's going to react and I don't even care if they'll think I'm a slut but I do care about what they'll think about you...family is too important Caleb, are you sure about this? Because I couldn't even forgive myself if you-" I wasn't able to finish the sentence, the thought of him losing his family because of me and the thought of me losing him was just too much. And I was back crying.
“Tara stop. Don’t fucking call yourself that.” Caleb's serious voice surprised me.
“What?” I slurred out.
“You’re not a slut.” He shook his head. “I hate that word.”
“I slept with you the same day I broke up with John.” I protested even though that wasn't even the problem. It was bad because it had happened, the timing only made it worse. “I didn’t even tell you-“
“Stop.” He growled, out of character. “Don’t you dare make that night into something awful. You’re right, it wasn’t the best timing, and yeah you could have mentioned you were single but it didn’t matter. We fell together for a reason.”
I licked my lips, knowing I couldn't argue about that. “You’re right.” I nodded.
“Please believe me.” He begged. “I know it’s not the smart thing to do but I need you to believe in me because no one else is.” He kept begging, brushing away my tears again.
“Caleb.” I collected my thought, but he didn't give me enough time to say anything.
“When they get it. When they understand what you mean to me….my family might be confused at first but they’ll see it. Even John noticed how I looked at you. This isn’t rebound sex for you or just a fun fling for me. We weren’t jumping into things, we’ve been friends for years. I’ve been more than that for just as long." He pointed out.
“I feel a little defeated.” I admitted.
He sighed. “Call Dennis. Tell him he’s running the show today.”
“What? He can’t-“ I started arguing.
“You know just as well as I do that you can take a day off without anything happening. We’re going to the beach. We need to talk and think and we’ll both be useless at work anyways.” He cut me off.
“But…don’t you have meetings?” I replied, completely thrown off balance.
“I’ll reschedule.” He said without even blinking.
“We can’t.” I said stubbornly.
“Why? What’s the worst that could happen?”
I licked my lips as I thought about all the possible scenarios. "Dennis accidently burns the bakery down? Amy has a breakdown and runs away? They need me because they can't do eveything alone? I can go on." I told him seriously.
He let out a deep breath, taking my hand in his. "You're right, but that's very unlikely to happen." He pointed out as he looked at me. "Do it for me, we need it." He added softly.
I swallowed and nodded because if he was taking the day off? I could too. I knew how obsessed he was with work so the fact alone that he was willing to lose a whole day of it had to be enough for me to do the same. "Okay." I said in a whispered and got up, feeling awful. "I'm going home first, I need to get changed..."
He got back on his feet too and studied my face. "Are you really doing that or is it an excuse to run away?" He asked slowly and I could tell that was a scary thought for him.
I shook my head, not admitting that I needed a few moments alone to think straight again. "No and you need to get changed too, I never saw anyone going to the beach in a suit." I said as I tried to make a joke but failed miserably because I was still miserable.
"I wish you could change here." He argued back, looking genuinely bummed.
"I don't have any clothes here." I said gently and pressed an innocent kiss on his lips, "I'll be ready in ten minutes, can you come to pick me?" I asked, watching him nod but didn't add anything before I walked out of his house.
As soon as I was alone a new feeling settled inside of me: anxiety. I couldn't manage to be far from Caleb apparently, I was too scared of what he could think when I wasn't around. What if he changed his mind? I dragged my feet into my apartment, my heart heavy, and I changed reluctantly into a pair of ripped jeans and a crop top before sliding into a pair of sneakers. I wasn't in the mood to dress glamorous, I just wanted to be comfortable. What if Caleb didn't show up instead? The thought left me out of breath and I reached for my phone, just a second before he texted me to say he was waiting outside.
I forced myself to calm down, grabbing my bag and walking out of my apartment. Once I climbed into Caleb's car I buckled my safety belt then curled against the seat, shifting on my side so that I was looking at my man. He looked so handsome in casual clothes, as if he just popped out of some fashion magazine. But that wasn't even why I was with him, it was what he had inside that made him so special to my eyes. "Where are you taking me?" I asked, my voice coming out strained.
"To the beach." He paused, pulling away from the curb and running a hand through his hair, "I don't know. Away."
I took a deep breath, feeling exhausted and wishing we could just run away. "Forever?" I questioned.
His lips curved into the smallest smile, "I wish." He replied, his words heavy just like my thoughts.
I turned my head, looking at the landscape, "Me too." I whispered, once again wondering if he was really making the right choice and if he was going to regret it at some point. That was my biggest fear, that he'd ruin something so fundamental in his life for something, someone, that could turn out not to be worth it. “….I’m worried.” I admitted softly, not having to add more words for him to understand. I was worried about the same things he was. The future. Us. How it would work.
“Let’s press pause on our worries. Clear our heads. It’s what I do when work is overwhelming and I can’t solve a situation.” He suggested, staring at the road.
“You go to the beach?” I asked, smiling sweetly because I was learning something I didn't know about him.
“Yeah. The ocean can solve problems you didn’t even realize you had. Plus I love seafood. Helps me think better.” He winked at me and I really really appreciated his effords to make this day normal again.
“I love seafood too.” I agreed with a nod.
“Ahh see? We’re already more compatible than we were 30 seconds ago.” He teased.
I laughed a small laugh as I pulled my hair up into a messy knot on the top of my head. “It’s working already.” I grinned.
“Hey.” He said softly after a moment, grabbing my hand.
“What?” I looked at him, his exression serious again.
“I have a few empty closets if you want to keep clothes at my place.” He said, his volume trailing off at the end as if he was worried he was going to scare me away. I wasn't scared, I was surprised. And happy. When he was like this nothing else mattered, not John, not his brother, nothing.
“You’re giving me a closet at your place?” I asked, smirking a little over at him.
“If you want.” He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it.
“What about toiletries. You know shampoo, blow dryer, makup. I don’t wake up looking like this.” I commented.
“You wake up gorgeous.” He replied. “I’ve seen it.”
“Mmm you don’t need blush or concealer after 3 orgasms.” I sighed, thinking about how well this day had started and how it had gone to shit then.
“Then you won’t need makeup. But you can bring a blow dryer if you want.” He smirked.
I bit my lip, staring at him as he kept driving. "You're telling me you don't have a blow dryer?" I asked, amusemed in my tone as for a moment I forgot about all the drama in our life.
"Nope." He shook his head then glanced at me, noticing the expression on my face, "Why do you look so suprised?!"
"Because you have amazing hair, that's why!" I answered back and chuckled.
"I don't care much about my hair." He said with a laugh.
I kept my eyes on him and I didn't care if I was still staring, I couldn't help it. "I love your hair instead. I'm almost jealous." I confessed, combing my fingers through his golden locks.
He laughed again, this time louder, "You're silly babe." He added in a low voice.
"I'm 100% serious instead." I retorted as he parked and I glanced out of the window before looking at him again. No matter how nice being away was, I felt as if our troubles were following us anyway. "Do you think we're making the right thing?" I asked a moment later.
His expression changed and he looked back at me. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly.
"I mean." I paused, taking a deep breath, "Is it really wise to just stop thinking and pretend that everything is okay when it's not?"
"Maybe it's not the wisest thing to do, but right now, do we have any way to fix the mess we're in?" He asked back and grabbed my hand, his thumb tracing circles on my palm soothingly. I just shook my head. "Exactly. Let's just take a break, maybe it will help us to see things more clearly."
I nodded again even if in all honesty I had no idea of how that would work. But I trusted him and I was going to do whatever he wanted. I broke eye contact, studying out surroundings, "Where are we?" I asked instead.
“Sonoma Beach.” Caleb replied. “I have a house up here, but I think I just want to head to Parkside and get some food.”
“You have a house on the beach?” I asked looking over at him with a raised brow.
He nodded. “I have a few.”
“A few houses?” I replied, saying it slowly because I had no idea.
“Only 2 in California.” He shrugged.
“Only?” I blinked at him. Only?!
“I mean besides the winery.” He replied as if that was a normal thing.
I shook my head. “So then you have 3 houses in California.” I pointed out. “Where else?”
“I have an apartment in New York I rent out most months during the year, a condo in Florida, and a place in Virginia.”
“Virginia?” I asked, beyond surprised. “Why?”
“They have pretty decent wineries.” He replied. “I like to do the tours in the fall.”
“So you’re telling me that you have 6 houses.” I did the math which was easy but still impressive.
“I rent them out when I’m not there.” He said again, smirking.
“Where’s the other one in California?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Lake Tahoe.” He replied. “I was thinking about getting a place in Seattle too.”
“Why? Why not just stay in a hotel if you visit?” I questioned.
“Because real estate is a good investment.” He replied seriously. “I buy a fixer upper, have it done up and then I can rent it out for much more than I paid.”
“I want to see your house here.” I said. I wanted to see everything, know everything about him and his life.
“Okay.” He agreed, turning at the next exit.
“I have one house. And it’s an apartment.” I replied. “I do not rent it out and it has one bedroom and one bathroom.” I smirked.
“Oh? Sounds like a gem.” He grinned, knowing I was fucking with him.
“You have far too many houses than is necessary for one person.” I replied. “Apparently you have nothing better to do with all of your booze money.”
He started laughing. “My booze money!?” He shook his head as he pulled up to the little house on the beach.
It was modern in style and had glass windows that were almost floor to ceiling. It was gorgeous. “Yep.” I said back but I was distracted.
“I could use it to spoil my girlfriend, but she insists on paying me once a month instead.” He replied, grumbling a little.
“What?!” I turned back to him.
“For the bakery!” He replied.
“I’m not going to not pay your rent Caleb.” I shook my head because that would never happen. We were together but that didn't change anything, he was still my landlord.
“But I don’t need the money.” He replied stubbornly. “How about you just use the rent money to buy lingerie or something.”
I widened me eyes and then smacked him as he parked the car. “Yeah that doesn’t sound bad at all!!!”
He laughed and fake hid under his arms as I kept swatting at him. “Do you want me to order food so we can eat here? Or go to lunch?” He questioned. “Stop hitting me or I wont feed you at all!!” He replied, smrking as he grabbed my tiny wrists.
I stood still in his hold and smirked at him. "I can find a way to feed myself." I challenged him thought I had stopped hitting him already.
"How would you do that exactly?" He asked back, amusement in his voice.
"I'd go fishing, start a fire and voilà!" I shrugged nonchalantly even though it was a lot harder than that.
He laughed then finally let go of my wrists. "Yeah right."
"We should eat here. Order something please?" I asked softly as I kissed him quickly before we got out of his car and walked into his house.
"What are you in a mood for?" He asked back as he tossed the keys on a coffee table while I was too busy taking in everything. This place was amazing, it was mostly on the tones of whites, beiges and blues. It was just so beautiful and it gave me a relaxed feeling. I loved it already.
I shrugged and smiled at him. "Anything. Surprise me." I winked, knowing he knew my taste in food perfectly.
"Okay babe. Make yourself at home." He said back in a low warm tone that made me shiver then he disappeared somewhere, holding his phone to his ear.
I walked tentatively around the big house, smiling to myself whenever I found framed pictures of Caleb and his family but I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me when I opened the door of one room in the back of the house. There was no doubt it was Caleb's bedroom, it looked a lot like his one in town, it was furnished wonderfully, the bed was huge with one million pillows I couldn't wait to press my face into, but what took my breath away was the view. There was a large window, shielded by heavy paisley curtains, which looked straight at the ocean, only a porch and a few trees separating the room from the beach. It was....I was speechless. I dropped my purse on a chair and walked outside like an impatient kid, the sea breeze was maybe a little chill but it smelt like peace and it caressed my hair as if it was combing it. Kicking my shoes off, I stepped into the sand, letting my feet sink into it, before I sat down at the end of the wooden pavement and stared just at the beautiful landscape in front of me. Here, in this exceptionally gorgeous place, all our problems seemed so far and I could easily picture myself with Caleb in this same home spending our free days together laughing, eating, sleeping and making love. Reality was more complicated than that though and it all downed on me when I wondered if he had been here with his ex wife too, if she had picked the interiors and the colors and everything else. It was weird how I had never asked myself the same things for his other house, but now for some reason it bugged me. I'd hate to love something another woman had created for herself and her man even if he was mine now.
"I couldn't find you." Caleb's voice startled me and broke the silence.
I looked up at him, "It's beautiful here." I said honestly, watching him as he sat next to me and wrapped his arm around me.
"You're beautiful." He kissed the side of my head, holding me close to him. "I ordered Japanese." He added.
I had to bbite my tongue to stop myself from saying that I loved him, instead I snuggled closer to him. "Thank you." I said simply, meaning it, but also wondering if in this house he had loved his wife.
"Are you still thinking about John?" He asked after a moment of silence, his fingers playing with my hair absentmindedly.
"No, not right now." I let out a sigh, refusing to think about my ex too now. I didn't know if it was wise to bring up his ex too now, but probably not. "I love the ocean." I added, trying desperately to distract myself.
“Do you like it here?” Caleb asked, a little weary of the question.
“It might be one of my favorite places I’ve ever been.” I replied softly.
He widened his eyes and then one corner of his mouth turned up in a grin. “I bought it the week after my divorce was finalized.” He said.
I blinked and looked back at him, pulling out of my daze. Okay, that was great news. “You did?”
He nodded. “Yeah I took Selene to Sonoma beach once because it’s one of my favorite places to just be. She hated it.” He sighed. “I guess I was kind of saying fuck you to her when I bought it, but I wasn’t really angry with her after the divorce. I just wanted to do something that was mine.”
“How could she hate this?” I asked softly, looking out into the water, a light breeze picking up my hair off my neck.
“I don’t know.” He admitted pulling me into his body and just sitting for a few moments.
I didn’t really know how long we sat there, could have been hours for all I knew but then we heard the doorbell telling him our food was here.
He kissed the top of my head, letting me process all the shit that was going on. I took a few minutes to clear my head then headed back inside, where I found Caleb setting the table with our take out, pulling a bottle of wine out of the mini fridge and grabbing some glasses. The view was perfect, but the look on his face said something else.
“I thought we came me so we wouldn’t think about the bad things.” My voice broke through his thoughts and he winced.
“Are you failing as badly as I am?” He asked.
I shrugged, taking a sip of wine. “Wow.” I said, looking into my glass. “Is this one of yours?”
He nodded, smirking at the change of subject and the compliment that his wine could make me lose my train of thought. Kind of. "It is.”
“It’s delicious.” I took another long sip and sighed. “Why can’t life be sitting on this porch drinking wine?”
He laughed. “Well first of all because you’d become a drunk.” He pointed out.
“Oh I’d pace myself. I’d switch to really good coffee or tea when I get too tipsy.” I grinned, thinking about my silly fantasy life.
“So you just sit here and drink beverages forever?” He laughed.
“With you.” I replied nonchalantly.
He swallowed and looked at me smiling as he pushed my hair back. “If I’m here we’d do more than just drink wine.” He said in a low voice that made me smile slowly.
“We can do that too I guess.” I shrugged.
“You guess?!” He laughed again. “Damn if you can take it or leave it I need to step up my game.”
I shook my head, "You don't need to. Everything you do is just perfect, really." I smiled at him before bringing a sushi roll to my mouth.
He frowned as he swallowed. "Are we back to this again?"
I rolled my eyes playfully and focused on my sushi, enjoying the taste instead of thinking about anything else. Food was my medicine for everything, either if I cooked it or ate it. For me it was so much more than just a way to feed myself.
"You've been kind of quiet since I picked you..." Caleb broke the silence quietly, almost carefully. "I wonder if I should worry."
"If anything, you should be happy." I smiled at him as I reached for his free hand, watching him as he gave me a questioning look. "If I'm silent it means I'm comfortable enough with you to share silence. It's a good thing." I explained.
He took a sip of wine, his eyes not leaving mine. "That makes sense but with everything that's happened I can't help wondering if you're just shutting me out. I have no idea of what you're thinking about." He said, showing me a little vulnerability which was so not him.
"If I'll ever shut you out you'll notice." I teased him in an attempt to make the moment lighter. "Right now I'm doing all I can not to think. Well, not to think about negative things anyway."
"So what's left in your pretty head, uh?" He asked and finally smiled again, his hand leaving mine to cup my face gently.
"Random stuff. Like, did you know that you're not supposed to eat sushi with chopsticks but with hands?" I told him.
"No, I didn't know that." He chuckled and looked genuinely amused.
"Uh uh." I nodded and grabbed one of my pieces, leading it into his mouth. "I learnt that when I took a Japanese cooking class."
He licked his lips, "Wait you're telling me you can make sushi?" He asked, surprised apparently. I just nodded, stealing one of his rolls this time instead. "And why didn't you make it for me already? Why I didn't know anything about it? What are you my girlfriend for?" He went on, being silly. God I loved that. I loved him.
I finally let go and laughed, deciding that yes, I could go against the world if I had him with me. "For plenty of reasons."
“Name them.” Caleb smirked and I laughed.
“I thought fishing for compliments was just something girls did.” I teased him.
He shrugged. “I’m curious if your reasons are the same as mine.”
“Do any of your reasons have to do with your penis?” I questioned with a fake straight face.
He widened his eyes before bursting out laughing since I wasn’t usually that blunt. “I’m a man. I’m sure most of the things I do have something to do with my penis.” He shrugged.
“Then we’re on the same page.” I laughed with him.
He reached over to tickle me. “I’m serious!” He replied.
“Okay okay!” I raised my hands in surrender. “Because you see me.” I replied softly.
He tilted up my face. “I know that your ex’s all pushed you aside....took you for granted. I know that I’ve done that with women too. How are you not scared of me?” He asked, looking suddenly.
“Who says I’m not scared?” I said back softly, my voice breaking.
He closed his eyes. “I must be worth the risk for you to still be here.” He replied. “Or are you going to run away once we get back to real life?”
“I’m not going anywhere Caleb.” I reached up and pressed my lips against his softly, wanting him to feel my words.
“Being with you is like putting on glasses.” He admitted softly. “Things look so different….feel so different….I’m worried that even if we’re meant to be our paths got fucked up somehow and we met too late.” He never talked this much about his feelings and I was both pleased and surprised.
“Because of John?” I asked.
He nodded slowly. “I don’t know how to make things right.”
I sighed and then kissed him again softly. We weren't going to solve everything today, but I was confident that we would with time. “Let’s start with sushi, and go from there.”
I shook my head. “If it’s earlier than usual then it’s not morning. It’s night.”
“Mmm then maybe I just want a nighttime snack….” He trailed off, reaching down and grabbing the hem of my tank top, pushing it up my chest.
“Hmmm….” My body got used to the idea, my face flushing, my eyes dilating and nipples puckering as he pressed against them while peeling the flimsy cotton off of my body. He was so good at seducing me, even if he didn't really need to.
“Is that a yes?” He grinned wider, looking excited and generally handsome. I couldn't say no to him, ever.
“Do I have to move?” I smirked and he gave me a wicked grin and shook his head.
“Not if you don’t want to.” He replied, slowly kissing his way down my neck and sucking on one breast.
“Caleb.” I arched my body into him and slid my hands into his hair, my body and voice still sleepy and breathy.
“I thought you weren’t going to move.” He grinned and treated my other breast to the same torture.
“Oh god….” I let my head fall back onto the pillow as he kissed my stomach.
“How long do I have before we actually have to get up?” He asked, looking up at me as he peeled my panties down my legs.
I hummed and tilted my head to look at the clock. “47 minutes.” I replied breathily.
“I think that’s time for what I have planned.” He grinned.
---
“Morning sex and breakfast in bed?” I grinned, my face flushed in a freshly fucked kind of way that was my favorite. I felt great and all because of Caleb.
“I’m going to breakfast with my brother, he’s meeting me here in about 30 minutes.” He announced.
I widened my eyes as I ate a mouthful of bacon. “I’ll eat fast.”
“I don’t have any problems telling my brother about us.” He said softly, leaning in to kiss my lips.
“Still this isn’t how I wanted to do it.” I stuffed down 3 more pieces of bacon and slid out of bed, naked. “I’m going to take a shower.”
He reached out and spanked my ass. “Hurry before I follow you in and my brother will walk in on something totally different.” He teased and I squealed before running into the shower and shutting the door behind me ready to follow my morning routine, which included not only showering but singing silly songs too.
Once out of the shower I did my hair, noticing the smile on my face that was just stuck there, thanks to Caleb. He was so amazing, so perfect. I got dressed quickly, guessing that maybe I still had 15 minutes to spend with Caleb, and when I didn't find my shirt I just walked out the bedroom in nothing but my skirt and my bra. I wasn't prepared to what was about to come. "“Babe where’s my shirt?” I asked at the same time John walked in by the door, following Jaden.
"Woah." Caleb's brother said.
I blinked my eyes a few times to make sure I was really seeing what was in front of me or if I was just hallucinating. No, John was really there. My first impulse was to run away and hide because this wasn't supposed to happen now, not like this. My second one was to try to cover myself because I was still half naked, not that John had never seen me like this, only he had never seen me half naked in his cousin's house. The math was easy to do and no matter how bad I wanted to find an excuse to justify this I knew that there was none that would sound good or even believable. That and we had already waited long enough, too long apparently. "I..." I trailed off in the unreal silence but didn't know what to say. I wished there was something I could say that would make things better. My legs moved and I found myself marching back to Caleb's bedroom, which was completely weird but it also made sense because no matter what was going to happen, I didn't want it to happen while I was wearing a bra only.
John was behind me quickly, though I was having a hard time processing what was happening. "What the hell are you doing here?!" His voice boomed into the room, followed shortly by the noise of the door slamming shut. He trapped me.
I reached for the top I had worn the day before and covered myself quickly, then I finally made eye contact with him. His face was...God. It was bad. He looked so close to explode. "I'm with Caleb." I said simply, swallowing.
He took a step closer, pinning me with a furious stare. "I guessed as much you little slut." He said in a low tone that was scarier than any scream. "What is he now? Your fuck buddy? How long has it been? Did you just wait to end things with me to jump in bed with him?"
I let his words hurt me, I deserved it. I wasn't exactly a saint and in all honesty I didn't care if I took all the blame here, I actually wanted to, it was the only way to make Caleb look as good as possible. If possible. "No, we're together. Not just for sex, for real. And I'm sorry if you had to find out like this, I should have talked to you first-"
His bitter laugh cut me off while I started feeling claustrophobic. "And tell me what?! How did you think you could ever give me a good excuse for fucking my cousin?!" He started yelling, his face red with anger.
"You're right." I said as calmly as I could, taking his blows and trying to be strong because I was doing this for Caleb. I didn't care if John was going to crush me, as long as he vented on me only. "There's no good excuse, it just happened. Caleb has always been there for me and then something clicked...I'm sorry John, I am really but I couldn't fight it."
"I knew he liked you...damn I knew it!!!" He went on screaming, barely listening to my words but oh well what was I expecting?
I shook my head quickly, set on defending my man. "No it's all my fault. Don't blame it on him." I almost begged him.
"You're such a bitch. I don't even know how I could be with you for a full year." He spat, his words venomous and, this time, wounding me deep. I'd never say anything like that to him.
I tried to take a deep breath since I felt like I was choking, the voices coming from the other side of the door distracting me from John a moment. I didn't want Caleb to step in the conversation just yet, even if I wanted him with me more than anything.
But he pushed the door open full force, his own eyes flaming when he saw me. "Tara." Was all he said at first and I didn't know what he was reading on my own face but his own twisted in pain.
"Go away, I need to talk to John a little more." I managed to say even if in all honesty I had no idea of what I could tell him. He'd just probably keep insulting me and I'd let him. I had no other choice though.
“Not by yourself.” Caleb narrowed his eyes, protecting me like he always did.
“YOU!” John glared, before grabbing Caleb's shirt and shoving him against the wall. Was he crazy?
“John.” Caleb started but John interrupted him a growl while I silently prayed that they wouldn't start punching each other.
“You’re my friend!!! MY BLOOD!!!”
Caleb swallowed thickly and nodded. “I know.” He agreed, not adding anything else and I wondered what he was thinking.
“And what the fuck does she mean you’re together!?” John shoved him back again but Caleb kept a straight face.
“It’s true. We’ve been dating for a while.” He said slowly while I cringed at his words, because I knew the effect they'd have on John.
“You haven’t dated anyone in YEARS! I know you! You always had a crush on her. I knew it. I saw the way you looked at her.” John paused just a second to breathe while Caleb just swallowed, looking so guilty it killed me. “But I thought you respected me enough to never touch her! But now I see getting my sloppy leftovers is something that appeals to you.”
Caleb's demeanor changed drastically and now he looked as mad as my ex. “Why the fuck do you even care John!? She was right there! In your life in your house and you barely noticed her!!!! How could you let someone like that go!?”
“Maybe because my cousin was seducing her behind my back!” John argued back even though it was bullshit. Caleb had always be a gentleman.
“That’s not what happened!!!!” I shouted even though no one was listening to me.
“Did you fuck her when we were together?” John asked, still beyond mad.
Caleb shook his head. “No.” He said seriously, looking nothing but honest.
“I told you that!!!” I shouted again but I wasn't sure I had told him that, had I? I was a little confused and I was having a hard time keeping track of what I was saying.
“I’m sorry I don’t trust sluts!” John yelled back and that was it.
Caleb lost it. He slammed his fist against his cousin's jaw, hurling him to the ground in his room. “You NEVER speak to a woman like that.” He said seriously. “Especially not Tara.”
I glanced briefly at Jaden who was standing there, looking a mix of pissed off and confused. He was doing nothing. Nothing. I had to get ready to step between them.
“Are you kidding me!?” John sat up and wiped the blood from his jaw. “I always wondered why you married Selene. But now I know. She was a drama queen and you love the drama.” He shook his head and looked at me. “When you stop being a fun adventure? He’s going to drop you like the piece of trash you are.” He added, his words like blades, cutting me deep.
I flinched and Caleb lunged at him again but Jaden held him back. Thank god.
“John! What the fuck man have you been drinking? You realize you sound like a jackass right?” Jaden tried to make him reason, I already knew it was useless.
“You’re going to take his side?!? He fucked my girlfriend!!!” John went on.
“Okay first of all? Ex-girlfriend from what it sounds like.” Jaden said, looking between us.
I nodded because when we first slept together I was a single girl. “And believe me I never would have been your girlfriend if I had known you were capable of saying such terrible things.” I replied softly, trying to have some dignity but truth was I felt awful in so many ways.
John shook his head but had the decency to look ashamed at least of his words. Maybe. This man I had in front of me wasn't the man I had loved.
“Secondly? I’m not on anyones side. What you two did is fucked up. You at least should have told everyone first. Especially John. I have no idea what you were thinking.” Jaden shook his head at his. “John is right, you’re not a commitment guy. If you’re going to leave her you need to do it before this gets any messier." He added and I almost fainted, air leaving my lungs and not coming back. How could Caleb think we'd work as a couple if everyone around him thought he had no chance to stay in a relationship?
“I’m not going to fucking leave her!!!” Caleb started shouting again and I wished his words made me feel better. They didn't.
“You’ve never had a decent relationship in your life!!!” John shouted back.
“John!!! You moved on!!! Why the hell are you THIS angry at her? You told me not an hour ago you were glad you broke up!!!!” Jaden interjected.
“Doesn’t mean I want my cousin to have sleepovers with her!!!!”
Jaden shook his head. “My god.” He looked over to me, clearing judging me. “You understand what you’re getting into here right? I’m not sure it’s worth it.”
“It IS worth it.” Caleb exclaimed. “She’s worth anything. Everything.”
Jaden blinked at his words. “Shit.”
John laughed bitterly, "Do you believe him?" He asked to Jaden.
"I do." I said first as I stared at Caleb, because I didn't care what they thought, his opinion was the only one that mattered.
My ex's eyes moved to me, then back to his cousin, "You two are so delusional." He shook his head.
"I believe him too." Jaden said eventually, shrugging. That pissed John off all over again, just in case he ever stopped being furious.
"They shouldn't even be together! And they won't last, we all know that already!" He spat.
"Look I know you're mad and trust me, I am too, but I think they did what they did for a good reason?" Jaden pointed out, not sounding sure himself.
"We did." I said timidly, "And it's not like you wanted me back anyway. You moved on and so did I."
John scoffed. "Thank god I did. I'd never go back there...my girlfriend is so much better than you." He said slowly, staring at me. He hated me.
Caleb furrowed his brows, "Do you have a girlfriend now?" He asked slowly.
"This is none of your business." He pointed his finger at him, speaking through gritted teeth. "You're never going to meet her, I wouldn't want to take the risk of you trying to steal her from me. Again."
"That's not what happened!" I protested, beyond frustrated.
"Oh shut up." John silenced me, being the ass he was.
Caleb's eyes turned dark again. "Don't talk to her like that." He warned him.
"I hope you're happy with the choice you made, you're ruining our relationship for...her." He glanced at me with disgust, "And you're going to realize it was the mistake you made when it will be too late."
"I never wanted to ruin our relationship." Caleb said in a voice that was softer while I backed to the closest wall for support, starting to feel overwhelmed. It was as if everything and everyone was against us. "I wish you could understand that."
"I won't." John spat back.
"You're furious now, maybe you need some time to-" Jaden started but John cut him off.
"I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense." He said in a clipped tone, walking past Caleb and glaring at him, "You fucked up." He growled before walking out of the room, Jaden following him.
I swallowed and looked at Caleb, while I let my body slide down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. "You should go too and try to talk to him again." I managed to say in a whisper while so many feeling went through me. I was hurt because of John's words, not just the insults, but the lack of faith both him and Jaden had in Caleb too, I was confused because I wondered if they were right even if I refused to believe them, I was mostly scared they could be and that Caleb would realize that too. If you're going to leave her you need to do it before this gets any messier, Jaden had said before adding that he wasn't sure it was worth it anyway. Everyone was going to hate me, and I was tempted to push Caleb away, because of me he was about to get through a hell and I didn't want that for him...he wasn't even that sure about us, why risking his family for me?
“No.” Caleb sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms, my small body folding instinctively into his because no matter what happened, he was my safe place and there was no way of denying that. “He’s too angry it wouldn’t be any use talking to him now.”
“Your brother..” I trailed off, guessing that maybe he could start from him instead.
“Will handle him.” He replied. “Jaden is good at that.” He kissed my forehead and took a deep breath. “Tara. What they said….” He twisted his head to crack his neck.
“We did fuck up. We should have told everyone as soon as it had happened.” I whispered as I stared at literally nothing, too busy replaying the past hour.
“I don’t think that would have made it any different…” He sighed. “I meant what they said about me. They’re right, but they’re also wrong.”
“What?” I blinked up at him, tears in my eyes and confusion in my mind.
“I’ve never had a good relationship….ever. My marriage was a joke, the girls I dated before and after Selene knew that I wasn’t ever going to be serious about them. I’m the guy you have fun with, but not the one you wish for happily ever after with.”
“Are….are you breaking up with me?” I asked, widening my eyes and feeling terrified.
“No. Fuck I’m trying to make sure you don’t leave me. I WAS that guy. I don’t want to be anymore. For once in my life I met someone I can see a future with. Someone I want a future with. Someone I want to put first in my life and that includes putting you before family. I know it’s not the best situation. I know I’m a risk. But I promise I’m not with you because I have some twisted love of drama, or because you were off limits. I’m with you because of who you are and how I feel when I’m with you.” He said, almost all in one breath.
“Caleb...” I trailed off, wanting to tell him how amazing he was but the words got stuck in my throat.
“I know Jaden and John said things that made sense….even that were true. But I swear that even if we end up not together some time down the road I will never toss you aside. I’ll fight for you until I can’t fight anymore. Understand?”
I looked up into his eyes until I couldn't anymore, they were so deep and so full of emotion...they did something to me and I came undone. I buried my face against his chest and started sobbing, tears running down my cheeks and wetting his shirt while I felt his arm wrap around me tightly. I didn't even know why I was crying so hard, maybe it was just that I had tried so hard to hold back during the confrontation with John and now I was just a mess.
"Tara...why are you crying like this? Talk to me baby..." He said softly though I could hear the hint of fear in his voice.
I pursed my lips tight together, doing my best to just stop. "I know why you're with me." I finally managed to say even though I was choking on my words.
"You still want to stay with me...right?" He asked slowly, almost carefully, as he lifted my chin to look at the mess that was my face right now.
I nodded and sniffled, "I have faith in you, I always had. You know that I've always been your biggest fan even when you didn't believe in yourself." I told him, letting him see through me. I was hiding my fears though, because I knew that he already had enough doubts as it was, he didn't need to hear mine too.
He cupped my face with a tenderness that went straight to my heart. "That's because you're amazing." He told me softly as he wiped my tears with his thumbs. "Don't cry anymore baby."
I bit down hard on my lip, "I can't help it. I can't think about you risking your family for me. Today was John but that's how everyone's going to react and I don't even care if they'll think I'm a slut but I do care about what they'll think about you...family is too important Caleb, are you sure about this? Because I couldn't even forgive myself if you-" I wasn't able to finish the sentence, the thought of him losing his family because of me and the thought of me losing him was just too much. And I was back crying.
“Tara stop. Don’t fucking call yourself that.” Caleb's serious voice surprised me.
“What?” I slurred out.
“You’re not a slut.” He shook his head. “I hate that word.”
“I slept with you the same day I broke up with John.” I protested even though that wasn't even the problem. It was bad because it had happened, the timing only made it worse. “I didn’t even tell you-“
“Stop.” He growled, out of character. “Don’t you dare make that night into something awful. You’re right, it wasn’t the best timing, and yeah you could have mentioned you were single but it didn’t matter. We fell together for a reason.”
I licked my lips, knowing I couldn't argue about that. “You’re right.” I nodded.
“Please believe me.” He begged. “I know it’s not the smart thing to do but I need you to believe in me because no one else is.” He kept begging, brushing away my tears again.
“Caleb.” I collected my thought, but he didn't give me enough time to say anything.
“When they get it. When they understand what you mean to me….my family might be confused at first but they’ll see it. Even John noticed how I looked at you. This isn’t rebound sex for you or just a fun fling for me. We weren’t jumping into things, we’ve been friends for years. I’ve been more than that for just as long." He pointed out.
“I feel a little defeated.” I admitted.
He sighed. “Call Dennis. Tell him he’s running the show today.”
“What? He can’t-“ I started arguing.
“You know just as well as I do that you can take a day off without anything happening. We’re going to the beach. We need to talk and think and we’ll both be useless at work anyways.” He cut me off.
“But…don’t you have meetings?” I replied, completely thrown off balance.
“I’ll reschedule.” He said without even blinking.
“We can’t.” I said stubbornly.
“Why? What’s the worst that could happen?”
I licked my lips as I thought about all the possible scenarios. "Dennis accidently burns the bakery down? Amy has a breakdown and runs away? They need me because they can't do eveything alone? I can go on." I told him seriously.
He let out a deep breath, taking my hand in his. "You're right, but that's very unlikely to happen." He pointed out as he looked at me. "Do it for me, we need it." He added softly.
I swallowed and nodded because if he was taking the day off? I could too. I knew how obsessed he was with work so the fact alone that he was willing to lose a whole day of it had to be enough for me to do the same. "Okay." I said in a whispered and got up, feeling awful. "I'm going home first, I need to get changed..."
He got back on his feet too and studied my face. "Are you really doing that or is it an excuse to run away?" He asked slowly and I could tell that was a scary thought for him.
I shook my head, not admitting that I needed a few moments alone to think straight again. "No and you need to get changed too, I never saw anyone going to the beach in a suit." I said as I tried to make a joke but failed miserably because I was still miserable.
"I wish you could change here." He argued back, looking genuinely bummed.
"I don't have any clothes here." I said gently and pressed an innocent kiss on his lips, "I'll be ready in ten minutes, can you come to pick me?" I asked, watching him nod but didn't add anything before I walked out of his house.
As soon as I was alone a new feeling settled inside of me: anxiety. I couldn't manage to be far from Caleb apparently, I was too scared of what he could think when I wasn't around. What if he changed his mind? I dragged my feet into my apartment, my heart heavy, and I changed reluctantly into a pair of ripped jeans and a crop top before sliding into a pair of sneakers. I wasn't in the mood to dress glamorous, I just wanted to be comfortable. What if Caleb didn't show up instead? The thought left me out of breath and I reached for my phone, just a second before he texted me to say he was waiting outside.
I forced myself to calm down, grabbing my bag and walking out of my apartment. Once I climbed into Caleb's car I buckled my safety belt then curled against the seat, shifting on my side so that I was looking at my man. He looked so handsome in casual clothes, as if he just popped out of some fashion magazine. But that wasn't even why I was with him, it was what he had inside that made him so special to my eyes. "Where are you taking me?" I asked, my voice coming out strained.
"To the beach." He paused, pulling away from the curb and running a hand through his hair, "I don't know. Away."
I took a deep breath, feeling exhausted and wishing we could just run away. "Forever?" I questioned.
His lips curved into the smallest smile, "I wish." He replied, his words heavy just like my thoughts.
I turned my head, looking at the landscape, "Me too." I whispered, once again wondering if he was really making the right choice and if he was going to regret it at some point. That was my biggest fear, that he'd ruin something so fundamental in his life for something, someone, that could turn out not to be worth it. “….I’m worried.” I admitted softly, not having to add more words for him to understand. I was worried about the same things he was. The future. Us. How it would work.
“Let’s press pause on our worries. Clear our heads. It’s what I do when work is overwhelming and I can’t solve a situation.” He suggested, staring at the road.
“You go to the beach?” I asked, smiling sweetly because I was learning something I didn't know about him.
“Yeah. The ocean can solve problems you didn’t even realize you had. Plus I love seafood. Helps me think better.” He winked at me and I really really appreciated his effords to make this day normal again.
“I love seafood too.” I agreed with a nod.
“Ahh see? We’re already more compatible than we were 30 seconds ago.” He teased.
I laughed a small laugh as I pulled my hair up into a messy knot on the top of my head. “It’s working already.” I grinned.
“Hey.” He said softly after a moment, grabbing my hand.
“What?” I looked at him, his exression serious again.
“I have a few empty closets if you want to keep clothes at my place.” He said, his volume trailing off at the end as if he was worried he was going to scare me away. I wasn't scared, I was surprised. And happy. When he was like this nothing else mattered, not John, not his brother, nothing.
“You’re giving me a closet at your place?” I asked, smirking a little over at him.
“If you want.” He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it.
“What about toiletries. You know shampoo, blow dryer, makup. I don’t wake up looking like this.” I commented.
“You wake up gorgeous.” He replied. “I’ve seen it.”
“Mmm you don’t need blush or concealer after 3 orgasms.” I sighed, thinking about how well this day had started and how it had gone to shit then.
“Then you won’t need makeup. But you can bring a blow dryer if you want.” He smirked.
I bit my lip, staring at him as he kept driving. "You're telling me you don't have a blow dryer?" I asked, amusemed in my tone as for a moment I forgot about all the drama in our life.
"Nope." He shook his head then glanced at me, noticing the expression on my face, "Why do you look so suprised?!"
"Because you have amazing hair, that's why!" I answered back and chuckled.
"I don't care much about my hair." He said with a laugh.
I kept my eyes on him and I didn't care if I was still staring, I couldn't help it. "I love your hair instead. I'm almost jealous." I confessed, combing my fingers through his golden locks.
He laughed again, this time louder, "You're silly babe." He added in a low voice.
"I'm 100% serious instead." I retorted as he parked and I glanced out of the window before looking at him again. No matter how nice being away was, I felt as if our troubles were following us anyway. "Do you think we're making the right thing?" I asked a moment later.
His expression changed and he looked back at me. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly.
"I mean." I paused, taking a deep breath, "Is it really wise to just stop thinking and pretend that everything is okay when it's not?"
"Maybe it's not the wisest thing to do, but right now, do we have any way to fix the mess we're in?" He asked back and grabbed my hand, his thumb tracing circles on my palm soothingly. I just shook my head. "Exactly. Let's just take a break, maybe it will help us to see things more clearly."
I nodded again even if in all honesty I had no idea of how that would work. But I trusted him and I was going to do whatever he wanted. I broke eye contact, studying out surroundings, "Where are we?" I asked instead.
“Sonoma Beach.” Caleb replied. “I have a house up here, but I think I just want to head to Parkside and get some food.”
“You have a house on the beach?” I asked looking over at him with a raised brow.
He nodded. “I have a few.”
“A few houses?” I replied, saying it slowly because I had no idea.
“Only 2 in California.” He shrugged.
“Only?” I blinked at him. Only?!
“I mean besides the winery.” He replied as if that was a normal thing.
I shook my head. “So then you have 3 houses in California.” I pointed out. “Where else?”
“I have an apartment in New York I rent out most months during the year, a condo in Florida, and a place in Virginia.”
“Virginia?” I asked, beyond surprised. “Why?”
“They have pretty decent wineries.” He replied. “I like to do the tours in the fall.”
“So you’re telling me that you have 6 houses.” I did the math which was easy but still impressive.
“I rent them out when I’m not there.” He said again, smirking.
“Where’s the other one in California?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Lake Tahoe.” He replied. “I was thinking about getting a place in Seattle too.”
“Why? Why not just stay in a hotel if you visit?” I questioned.
“Because real estate is a good investment.” He replied seriously. “I buy a fixer upper, have it done up and then I can rent it out for much more than I paid.”
“I want to see your house here.” I said. I wanted to see everything, know everything about him and his life.
“Okay.” He agreed, turning at the next exit.
“I have one house. And it’s an apartment.” I replied. “I do not rent it out and it has one bedroom and one bathroom.” I smirked.
“Oh? Sounds like a gem.” He grinned, knowing I was fucking with him.
“You have far too many houses than is necessary for one person.” I replied. “Apparently you have nothing better to do with all of your booze money.”
He started laughing. “My booze money!?” He shook his head as he pulled up to the little house on the beach.
It was modern in style and had glass windows that were almost floor to ceiling. It was gorgeous. “Yep.” I said back but I was distracted.
“I could use it to spoil my girlfriend, but she insists on paying me once a month instead.” He replied, grumbling a little.
“What?!” I turned back to him.
“For the bakery!” He replied.
“I’m not going to not pay your rent Caleb.” I shook my head because that would never happen. We were together but that didn't change anything, he was still my landlord.
“But I don’t need the money.” He replied stubbornly. “How about you just use the rent money to buy lingerie or something.”
I widened me eyes and then smacked him as he parked the car. “Yeah that doesn’t sound bad at all!!!”
He laughed and fake hid under his arms as I kept swatting at him. “Do you want me to order food so we can eat here? Or go to lunch?” He questioned. “Stop hitting me or I wont feed you at all!!” He replied, smrking as he grabbed my tiny wrists.
I stood still in his hold and smirked at him. "I can find a way to feed myself." I challenged him thought I had stopped hitting him already.
"How would you do that exactly?" He asked back, amusement in his voice.
"I'd go fishing, start a fire and voilà!" I shrugged nonchalantly even though it was a lot harder than that.
He laughed then finally let go of my wrists. "Yeah right."
"We should eat here. Order something please?" I asked softly as I kissed him quickly before we got out of his car and walked into his house.
"What are you in a mood for?" He asked back as he tossed the keys on a coffee table while I was too busy taking in everything. This place was amazing, it was mostly on the tones of whites, beiges and blues. It was just so beautiful and it gave me a relaxed feeling. I loved it already.
I shrugged and smiled at him. "Anything. Surprise me." I winked, knowing he knew my taste in food perfectly.
"Okay babe. Make yourself at home." He said back in a low warm tone that made me shiver then he disappeared somewhere, holding his phone to his ear.
I walked tentatively around the big house, smiling to myself whenever I found framed pictures of Caleb and his family but I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me when I opened the door of one room in the back of the house. There was no doubt it was Caleb's bedroom, it looked a lot like his one in town, it was furnished wonderfully, the bed was huge with one million pillows I couldn't wait to press my face into, but what took my breath away was the view. There was a large window, shielded by heavy paisley curtains, which looked straight at the ocean, only a porch and a few trees separating the room from the beach. It was....I was speechless. I dropped my purse on a chair and walked outside like an impatient kid, the sea breeze was maybe a little chill but it smelt like peace and it caressed my hair as if it was combing it. Kicking my shoes off, I stepped into the sand, letting my feet sink into it, before I sat down at the end of the wooden pavement and stared just at the beautiful landscape in front of me. Here, in this exceptionally gorgeous place, all our problems seemed so far and I could easily picture myself with Caleb in this same home spending our free days together laughing, eating, sleeping and making love. Reality was more complicated than that though and it all downed on me when I wondered if he had been here with his ex wife too, if she had picked the interiors and the colors and everything else. It was weird how I had never asked myself the same things for his other house, but now for some reason it bugged me. I'd hate to love something another woman had created for herself and her man even if he was mine now.
"I couldn't find you." Caleb's voice startled me and broke the silence.
I looked up at him, "It's beautiful here." I said honestly, watching him as he sat next to me and wrapped his arm around me.
"You're beautiful." He kissed the side of my head, holding me close to him. "I ordered Japanese." He added.
I had to bbite my tongue to stop myself from saying that I loved him, instead I snuggled closer to him. "Thank you." I said simply, meaning it, but also wondering if in this house he had loved his wife.
"Are you still thinking about John?" He asked after a moment of silence, his fingers playing with my hair absentmindedly.
"No, not right now." I let out a sigh, refusing to think about my ex too now. I didn't know if it was wise to bring up his ex too now, but probably not. "I love the ocean." I added, trying desperately to distract myself.
“Do you like it here?” Caleb asked, a little weary of the question.
“It might be one of my favorite places I’ve ever been.” I replied softly.
He widened his eyes and then one corner of his mouth turned up in a grin. “I bought it the week after my divorce was finalized.” He said.
I blinked and looked back at him, pulling out of my daze. Okay, that was great news. “You did?”
He nodded. “Yeah I took Selene to Sonoma beach once because it’s one of my favorite places to just be. She hated it.” He sighed. “I guess I was kind of saying fuck you to her when I bought it, but I wasn’t really angry with her after the divorce. I just wanted to do something that was mine.”
“How could she hate this?” I asked softly, looking out into the water, a light breeze picking up my hair off my neck.
“I don’t know.” He admitted pulling me into his body and just sitting for a few moments.
I didn’t really know how long we sat there, could have been hours for all I knew but then we heard the doorbell telling him our food was here.
He kissed the top of my head, letting me process all the shit that was going on. I took a few minutes to clear my head then headed back inside, where I found Caleb setting the table with our take out, pulling a bottle of wine out of the mini fridge and grabbing some glasses. The view was perfect, but the look on his face said something else.
“I thought we came me so we wouldn’t think about the bad things.” My voice broke through his thoughts and he winced.
“Are you failing as badly as I am?” He asked.
I shrugged, taking a sip of wine. “Wow.” I said, looking into my glass. “Is this one of yours?”
He nodded, smirking at the change of subject and the compliment that his wine could make me lose my train of thought. Kind of. "It is.”
“It’s delicious.” I took another long sip and sighed. “Why can’t life be sitting on this porch drinking wine?”
He laughed. “Well first of all because you’d become a drunk.” He pointed out.
“Oh I’d pace myself. I’d switch to really good coffee or tea when I get too tipsy.” I grinned, thinking about my silly fantasy life.
“So you just sit here and drink beverages forever?” He laughed.
“With you.” I replied nonchalantly.
He swallowed and looked at me smiling as he pushed my hair back. “If I’m here we’d do more than just drink wine.” He said in a low voice that made me smile slowly.
“We can do that too I guess.” I shrugged.
“You guess?!” He laughed again. “Damn if you can take it or leave it I need to step up my game.”
I shook my head, "You don't need to. Everything you do is just perfect, really." I smiled at him before bringing a sushi roll to my mouth.
He frowned as he swallowed. "Are we back to this again?"
I rolled my eyes playfully and focused on my sushi, enjoying the taste instead of thinking about anything else. Food was my medicine for everything, either if I cooked it or ate it. For me it was so much more than just a way to feed myself.
"You've been kind of quiet since I picked you..." Caleb broke the silence quietly, almost carefully. "I wonder if I should worry."
"If anything, you should be happy." I smiled at him as I reached for his free hand, watching him as he gave me a questioning look. "If I'm silent it means I'm comfortable enough with you to share silence. It's a good thing." I explained.
He took a sip of wine, his eyes not leaving mine. "That makes sense but with everything that's happened I can't help wondering if you're just shutting me out. I have no idea of what you're thinking about." He said, showing me a little vulnerability which was so not him.
"If I'll ever shut you out you'll notice." I teased him in an attempt to make the moment lighter. "Right now I'm doing all I can not to think. Well, not to think about negative things anyway."
"So what's left in your pretty head, uh?" He asked and finally smiled again, his hand leaving mine to cup my face gently.
"Random stuff. Like, did you know that you're not supposed to eat sushi with chopsticks but with hands?" I told him.
"No, I didn't know that." He chuckled and looked genuinely amused.
"Uh uh." I nodded and grabbed one of my pieces, leading it into his mouth. "I learnt that when I took a Japanese cooking class."
He licked his lips, "Wait you're telling me you can make sushi?" He asked, surprised apparently. I just nodded, stealing one of his rolls this time instead. "And why didn't you make it for me already? Why I didn't know anything about it? What are you my girlfriend for?" He went on, being silly. God I loved that. I loved him.
I finally let go and laughed, deciding that yes, I could go against the world if I had him with me. "For plenty of reasons."
“Name them.” Caleb smirked and I laughed.
“I thought fishing for compliments was just something girls did.” I teased him.
He shrugged. “I’m curious if your reasons are the same as mine.”
“Do any of your reasons have to do with your penis?” I questioned with a fake straight face.
He widened his eyes before bursting out laughing since I wasn’t usually that blunt. “I’m a man. I’m sure most of the things I do have something to do with my penis.” He shrugged.
“Then we’re on the same page.” I laughed with him.
He reached over to tickle me. “I’m serious!” He replied.
“Okay okay!” I raised my hands in surrender. “Because you see me.” I replied softly.
He tilted up my face. “I know that your ex’s all pushed you aside....took you for granted. I know that I’ve done that with women too. How are you not scared of me?” He asked, looking suddenly.
“Who says I’m not scared?” I said back softly, my voice breaking.
He closed his eyes. “I must be worth the risk for you to still be here.” He replied. “Or are you going to run away once we get back to real life?”
“I’m not going anywhere Caleb.” I reached up and pressed my lips against his softly, wanting him to feel my words.
“Being with you is like putting on glasses.” He admitted softly. “Things look so different….feel so different….I’m worried that even if we’re meant to be our paths got fucked up somehow and we met too late.” He never talked this much about his feelings and I was both pleased and surprised.
“Because of John?” I asked.
He nodded slowly. “I don’t know how to make things right.”
I sighed and then kissed him again softly. We weren't going to solve everything today, but I was confident that we would with time. “Let’s start with sushi, and go from there.”
what if i dont want to make things right?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean?
ReplyDeletei mean i know john is angry at me but i'm mad at him too.
ReplyDeleteWhy?
ReplyDeletebecause he hurt you.
ReplyDeleteIt's fine...you don't need to be angry at him. I'm fine.
ReplyDeleteits not fine Tara.
ReplyDeleteThe way he treated me wasn't fine but he had all the reasons to be mad
ReplyDeletemad yes. but no one speaks to you the way he did.
ReplyDeleteplease don't be mad :(
ReplyDeleteim not mad at you baby
ReplyDeletelets' stop talking about him.
ReplyDeleteokay. what do you want to talk about?
ReplyDeleteanything else.
ReplyDeleteI love this place
ReplyDeleteit does have a nice view.
ReplyDeleteeverything about it is nice. But do you know what I like the most?
ReplyDeleteme? :3
ReplyDeleteyes you :3
ReplyDeletei guessed. :3
ReplyDeletehow long can we stay?
ReplyDeleteas long as you want.
ReplyDeleteI wish...
ReplyDelete*tilts her head up* whats wrong?
ReplyDelete*wraps her arms around him* nothing
ReplyDelete*kisses her* you seem sad.
ReplyDelete*kisses him back* I'm a little overwhelmed
ReplyDeletehow come?
ReplyDeletep.s. can i distract you?
*shrugs*
ReplyDeleteyes please
i got sushi. :)
ReplyDeleteyou're perfect baby :*
ReplyDelete*pushes her hair back* sometimes i'm still shocked i get to touch you like this.
ReplyDeletedon't be shocked silly man. I'm happy with you *sets her hands on his chest*
ReplyDeletei wish i didnt have to waste so much time without you.
ReplyDeleteI say no more thinking about the past and let's focus on the future instead...
ReplyDeletei'd like to know more about your past though. what were you like in high school? :3
ReplyDelete...I don't know if I want to talk about that *blushes*
ReplyDelete*kisses her* why not? i want to know everything about you.
ReplyDeleteI was kind of wild
ReplyDeletewild? :3 how so?
ReplyDelete