6.17.2015

everybody goin' out of they skins, see we get to the end but that's where we begin

I looked around my empty bakery. It was still too early to have clients, but it was weird that Caleb hadn't shown up yet, skipping what was now a routine. I glanced at the clock one last time, then made a coffee and decided that if Caleb didn't come to coffee, coffe would come to him.
I walked to his winery and made my way to her office, stopping a moment to study the expression on his face. He seemed...darker than usual. Worried. Annoyed. Still impossibly handsome, but still. "Bad day?" I asked.
Caleb looked up and kept quiet a moment, as if he was surprised I was there, then swallowed and shrugged. "Um. No. Maybe." He took a deep breath. "What are you doing here?"
"You didn't come in this morning. I figured you might need a pick me up." I said with a smile that was a little forced because he didn't look too friendly, reaching out to him with a bag and a to go latte cup.
"Thank you." He said seriously. Too seriously.
"You're welcome." I said back, feeling a little uncomfortable and a little stupid too because he was clearly really busy with important matters, I guessed for the frown on his face and the tone of his voice. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you." I added a moment later as I offered a smile, ready to go back to my bakery and hoping my breakfast would be of some help for him. "Have a nice day." I said and spun on my heels, taking a mental note not to do that again unless he had asked for it. It was just that it was so odd for him not to show up for his daily dose of sugar.
"What did you get me." His low voice stopped me and when I turned back around to face him he was peeking into the small paper bag.
I bit down on my lip, "An energy boost. Chocolate and coffee cookies." I said simply, ready to leave once again but waiting a few moments anyway. I didn't know what to do to be honest.
He raised one eyebrow, then groaned quietly, "I need that." He said almost to himself as he popped one into his mouth, exhaling deeply from his nostrils and looking....tired?
I leaned my side against the doorframe, studying him. There was something different about him. He looked like a bundle of nerves to start with. "Your day can't be that bad already, it's not even 7 in the morning." I said softly.
He glanced up at me and the look into his eyes? It was actually pained. Maybe he had had a bad night, instead of a bad day, but I wasn't going to pry into that. "I skipped my morning run and that was a bad start." He answered cryptically and deflated against his chair as he sipped his latte, still frowning.
I nodded, because I knew how much running or working out or doing anything physical was helpful when you had a lot of your mind. I'd never give up on my yoga class. "You can make up for that later and end your day better than how you started it." I suggested, only waiting for him to give me a cue to leave. I was standing there awkwardly, not knowing if I had to go or I had to stay.
"Good idea." Caleb nodded, taking another long sip of his coffee. Silence again. Serious face again. I knew Caleb was serious a lot, but when he was around me he wasn't that much really. Was I missing something?
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, my brow furrowed in genuine worry.
He shrugged. "I haven't been sleeping well." He admitted.
"You should drink tea at night. Decaf of course. There's a sleeping tea I love. I'll bring you some."
"Does it make for dreamless sleeping?" He asked back.
I just blinked at him, my eyes searching him. "Maybe you should take up yoga and meditation too if that's your problem." I commented finally.
He made a face at me. "I don't think I'd be any good at either one."
"You're not flexible?" I teased and he couldn't help but laugh. That was better.
"As much as the next average man I guess." He shrugged.
"Usually our dreams are our minds way of working the things out we refuse to deal with in the day." I said as I stepped a little closer, tentatively since I wasn't sure he wanted to have me around yet.
"Some things aren't able to be worked out." He replied seriously, his eyes glued to my lips as I spoke.
"I thought men like you always worked out everything with the nod of a head."
He gave me a smile and shrugged. "I guess I'm not the man you think I am."
"You say that a lot." I pointed out quietly and the words were out of my mouth before I could think twice. But that was how I was, impulsive, a little too much sometimes.
He blinked at me, "What do I say?"
"That you're not the man I think you are." I explained as I finally sat across from his desk, without waiting for an invitation that wasn't coming. I wasn't having the impression he wanted me out and, even if I was wrong, he could still tell me. He just stared back at me, "I know I haven't known you for too long, but since the day we met? We spent at least one hour a day together, everyday."
He offered a sweet smile, "There are parts of me you don't know." He argued gently.
"But the parts of you I know let me think you're nothing but a nice man." I said back with a shrug, making perfect sense to myself.
This time he broke into a wider smile that was close to a smirk, "You're stubborn, aren't you?"
I nodded and smiled too, looking into his eyes, "I am. I'm also right too until you prove me wrong." I paused, "And I can't really see that happen to be honest."
He sighed and his expression turned aggravated again, "Can you at least agree with me when I say that there are things that can't be worked out?" He asked and I nodded, because I wasn't stupid, my silent answer making him sag into his chair.
I held my breath a moment, not sure if I had any right to pry further. "What's bugging you Caleb? We're friends, you can talk to me if you want." I offered softly, meaning it.
Caleb widened his eyes at my words. Why? I had no idea. We were friends, weren't we? "There's a girl." He said slowly and I gave him a wide smile.
"Ohh." I grinned. "This I definitley want to hear about."
"She has a boyfriend." He added.
My smile fell and I gave him a sympathetic look. This was bad. "Oh."
He nodded. "Yeah." He ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sure I'll get over it, but for now it kind of sucks."
I nodded thoughtfully. "Are you better than her boyfriend?" I asked.
"Are you suggesting I try to seduce her away from him?" He asked, getting my words all wrong.
I smirked. "I'm sure you could but no. I was wondering if sometime she'd realize you were better and leave him."
He sighed. "I'm not better." He said finally.
"I doubt that." I smiled sweetly at him.
"She's happy in her relationship. There's no chances for me." He shrugged.
"So what are you going to do?" I asked, leaning in a little.
"Right now I'm going with; Be grumpy about it until Tara brings me coffee." He teased, smirking as he lifted up the cup I'd brough almost as if he was toasting me.
I laughed. "Well it's working so far. Still I'm sorry."
"It's for the best. I don't want a relationship anyways and she deserves a good one."
"That's something you say a lot too." I commented once again as I watched him closely, crossing my legs and feeling more comfortable.
He nodded as he sipped his coffee. "I mean it too."
"Because you're too busy with work and all those lame things." I waved my hand in the air, dismissing his excuses since my opinion on the matter was different. Maybe he didn't really want a relationship, but I was sure it wasn't because of work. It had to do more with his ex and the way their marriage ended.
He raised one eyebrow at me slowly, "No one of the reasons why I don't want a relationship is lame." He argued gently.
"If work is your only problem, all you need is a girl that understand how much your job means to you and who's okay with that." I retorted stubbornly.
"No one could possibly okay with how much I work." He said back, leaning into his chair and keeping his eyes on me. I wasn't going to give up on this one, it was such a shame that a man like him didn't have a girl to share his success with.
I shook my head, once again not agreeing with the way he saw things. "Nothing is impossible. But even if you're right...don't you think that the moment you meet a girl you really like you'd make time both for your job and her?" I questioned, basically explaining my point of view.
He shrugged, "Again, I don't know if that's possible."
"So you like this girl just for her looks? I mean, if you're not interested in a relationship...there's not much else on the plate." I reasoned out loud and I wasn't judging him. Sex was amazing, but if that was the only thing he wanted from a girl in a relationship...well, no. No matter how attractive he was.
"No." Caleb admitted and scratched the back of his neck. "Though if I wasn't so goddamn gorgeous it would make my life much easier."
"Damn this girl is kind of impressing me." I smirked.
"She impresses me too." He reply seriously, making me only more curious. "But even if I like her for more than her looks I couldn't offer her anything. I just want to get her out of my head without ruining everything." He sighed.
"What's that awful saying? The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?" I smirked, only being silly for his benefit.
He laughed, "Are you suggesting I need to get laid?"
I shrugged. "Isn't that what men do to clear their heads of things?"
He shook his head. "You're fucking with me right now aren't you?"
I smirked and then broke into a laugh myself. "Mostly."
He shook his head. "Good thing you can bake because you're not great at advice." He teased and I gave him a look of mock offense.
"I give great advice instead. I just haven't doled out my wisdom yet."
"Well by all means, I'm not getting any younger."
"No one is, really." I said back and smirked, finding myself curious to know more about him, about the girl, about what he was thinking. "Not even your mystery girl."
He blinked then recovered quickly, letting me guess he was thinking too much again to listen to me. "Right. Not even you." He said back and his smirk mirrored mine.
"I'm okay with getting old." I shrugged nonchalantly, biting my lip while I tried to picture his girl in my head. I had no idea of his taste in women, but I had seen his ex wife and his date the other night, so I imagined just a mix. He could do a lot better. "But I suggest you not to say anything like that around your girl. Some girls are touchy about their age."
He opened his mouth and closed it, giving me a weird look. Only god knew what he was thinking about. "Of course." He said shortly.
I smiled once again, guessing that it was better if we changed the subject. "So, did I make your morning better?" I asked in a cheerful voice.
He nodded and the smile widening his own lips was a genuine one, "Yes. Mostly your coffee." He teased and I laughed, "Thank you." He added.
"Anytime." I paused while my brain worked. I had a lot to do, a lot to bake, and I wasn't looking forward to it because I was too tired. The only thing that could make my day better was some company and that could work for Caleb too. "If you come to my bakery for lunch it will get even better."
"I'm not sure I have time for lunch." He made a face.
"Please?" I asked and I tilted my head to the side, staring at him, "I could use some company while I eat." I added honestly.
"I'll see what I can do." He smiled at my face. 
"Awesome! I'll make something super yummy." I grinned as I stood back up and then turned to him at the door. "Bet your mystery girl can't cook like me." I winked and he shook his head as he drank the last of his coffee.

---

"I was beginning to think you were standing me up." I pouted as Caleb made his way to the bakery.
"You never gave me a time to be here, so I'm not late." He pointed out and I glared at him before laughing.
"Seems like you have a little lawyer in you too." I teased.
He made a face. "God I hope not. I'll leave that to John thanks."
I laughed as I hurried around the kitchen, whipping ingredients together while one of the 3 people I had hired to help me came up to him with a cup of coffee. "Can I get you something else?" The girl smiled at him and he grinned, apparently liking her attentions but I wasn't liking it instead. It wasn't professional.
"I got him Becca, you can help the new guests while I take my break." I smiled, even though it was all an act. But I'd think about her later.
Becca pouted. "You already have a hot guy at home." She muttered under her breath and I rolled my eyes before coming over to the table in the back.
Caleb usually sat up on one of the bar stools while I worked but now I was taking a break and so a table seemed more appropriate. "Sorry, Becca is a little bit of a flirt." I rolled my eyes again.
"I heard that!" The young girl called out.
"I wasn't being quiet!" She smiled back before I glared at her. "How about working for your paycheck now?" The girl rolled her eyes too before grabbing a rag and cleaning down the espresso machine.
"I can see why you're so adamant about not hiring new help." Caleb teased.
I waved him off. "Oh she's actually really good, she's a great baker, just really easily distracted." I explained, considering to keep Becca closed in the kitchen. But I was the queen of the kitchen, so maybe she could take care of the bathroom. Now I had to focus on Caleb though. "Is your day getting better?"
"It is now." He nodded. "What is all of this?"
"We have a barley salad, grilled shrimps with parsley mayo and pita bread." I explained as I sat across from him, smiling at him as I filled his glass with a dark beer.
He eyed the food while I filled his plate next, "It looks amazing. I thought it was just a lunch break, you cooked a lot instead." He said and looked a little impressed which filled me with pride to be honest. The expression on his face was what had pushed me to consider to cook for a living, it made me happy.
"This." I motioned to our plates before I grabbed my fork and smirked, "Is my idea of easy."
He let out a laugh, "Not mine." He commented shortly then brought a forkful of salad to his mouth while I just watched him, waiting for his reaction. He groaned quietly at first. "So damn good. You're a talented woman Tara."
"Thank you." I said back with a bright smile on my face as I started eating too.
"I thought you were good with everything sweet, you're great with everything instead." He said seriously and dipped a shrimp into the aromatic mayonnaise, popped it into his mouth and even licked his thumb. I was hypnotized by how he was eating. He was sexy, really sexy, and I had never seen him under that light until now. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He broke into my thoughts, raising one eyebrow at me.
I felt myself blush and shook my head, stuffing my mouth with a piece of bread to buy myself some time. "I like see people's reaction on their face." I explained with a shrug and it wasn't necessarily a lie. Actually, it was true.
"Uh." He commented unintelligently and swallowed before taking a sip of beer, "What are we drinking?"
I chuckled, "Isn't it weird that you're asking that?!"
"I know!" He laughed with me.
"It's a Belgian beer." I answered eventually and he gave me a questioning look, "I love beer."
He seemed to really relax for the first time since this morning, leaning back into the chair and enjoying my food. "More than wine?" He teased.
"I love wine too, but I'm no expert." I paused to bring a forkful of salad to my mouth, "But that's what I have you for."
"It's good."
I nodded. "I know. Are you coming over for Memorial day?" I asked, smiling over at him and reminding him of the barbecue John and I were throwing for family and friends.
"I'll be there." He nodded, while I felt oddly relieved at his answer.
"Awesome. John says your siblings will come too. I've only ever met your brother but it was in passing. What are they like?"
"Jaden is the one you met. He's 28 and a tech anaylist."
"Wow, he must be super smart too." I smiled and he nodded.
"He's been taking things apart and putting them back together for as long as I can remember."
"And your sister?"
"Jaden and Hailey are twins." He reply. "But they couldn't be less alike. She's a costume designer in L.A."
"I can't wait to meet her." He stopped myself from pushing myhair back from myeyes.
"Hailey will love you." He said seriously. "Please be myfriend because I hangs out with boys mostly and it makes him nervous. Tara laughed.
"You got it."
"Jaden will probably hit on you. But he's not serious, he just likes to tease anyone who's a girlfriend of the family.
"If He remember correctly he's handsome enough to get his own girl instead." He laughed.
"Well he's not as handsome as me but he does okay." He shrugged even though honestly? I agreed with him. He didn't even sound cocky, because it's was true. "The cute nerd thing actually works on some girls I guess."
I shrugged and kept smiling at the thought of spending a day with family and friends. I loved that kind of things. "Not on me anyway."
"What does work on you instead?" He asked slowly, giving me a weird look and I had no idea if he was trying to read me, test me or trick me. Maybe none of those.
"Don't you know?" I replied in a playful tone and paused to bite a piece of bread, watching him shook his head. "I usually fall for handsome successful serious men. Just like you and John."
He nodded slowly, "Ah, that makes sense now." He commented cryptically, it was so obvious that he wasn't telling me what he was thinking. Oh well.
I took a sip of beer and licked my top lip, using those seconds of silence to think. Caleb was such a mystery to me, on the outside he seemed so perfect, and I believed to everything he said to me...still, there something that wasn't clicking, something off I could sense but I couldn't catch either. "You're coming right, you're not going to cancel last minute..." I trailed off.
"That'd be something John would do." He pointed out but seemed to regret it as soon as it came out of his mouth.
I, on the other hand, wasn't offended at all, because he was right. "Now that you said that I can use it against you." I laughed, "My cousin and his girlfriend are coming too." I added, just to change the subject.
"Just them? No other relatives?" He asked quietly, finishing his food.
I shook my head, "My parents and my brother are at another family thing." I explained, "Yoire going to like my cousin Travis, he's just as serious as you are."
"Yuck." He teased and his smirk was back in place, "What about his girlfriend?"
"She's taken." I teased back, "I don't know her though. She has to be one of a kind to deal with my cousin...he's a little hard to handle sometimes."
"All the good ones are taken." He sighed, faking a frown that made me chuckle.
I bit down on my lip to keep from grinning, "Are you coming with someone?" I asked out of curiosity.
"Yeah my brother and sister." Caleb replied, looking at me strange.
"I meant a date." I replied with a laugh.
He widened his eyes as if my question was weird but I didn't think it was. "No." Caleb said simply.
"Why not?" I tilted my head to the side and looked genuinely concerned. How could not have a date?
"Because my whole family will be there and that would make an awkward first date?"
I laughed. "Yeah I guess."
"Plus I apparently only go for girls who are taken, so I'm hoping your cousins girlfriend is cute."
I widened my eyes before I realized Caleb was kidding and laughed. "You're awful." I laughed with him and then took a swig of my beer. "You seem in a better mood." Caleb nodded. "I guess I am."
"Well then. Mission accomplished."

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