sweet disposition

We walked out the doctors office in silence, finally, everything had gone well, without arguing, without fighting, barely talking to be honest but it hadn't been awkward. Maybe we really had a chance to make this work.
"So..." Colbie trailed off, glancing up at me as we headed to our cars. "Everything's fine with our baby."
I nodded and smiled at the thought of my daughter, I was starting to get impatient to become a father, it was electrifying even if I still had so much to do. "Yeah, thank god." I said quietly, thinking about our Ruby growing healthy and strong and beautiful for sure. "When's the next appointment?"
"The doctor said her assistant will call me." She replied and I could tell she was lost into her thoughts, I didn't want to know them though.
"Okay good. Let me know." I told her before opening my car, my mind already going to what I was going to do later in the day.

"Jax." She stopped me, looking at me as she set her hand on her belly. She was definitely showing now. "I wanted to ask you something..."
"Ask away." I told her as I raised one eyebrow at her and mentally crossing my fingers. God knew what bomb she could be dropping.
"Are you selling your house?" She breathed out.
I blinked at her. I was, but I hadn't told her because well I didn't need to. "How do you even know?" I asked back slowly.
"It's kind of my job, isn't it?" She smirked at me but it seemed forced. Also I wasn't in the mood.
"Yeah..listen I have a few things I want to talk you about." I started, remembering what I had promised to Lila, also wanting her to know that my life was changing drastically. Only I didn't have time now. "We could grab a coffee tomorrow if it's okay for you." I suggested.
"Can't you tell me now?" She asked as she pouted at me. It wasn't going to work. "I'm curious."
"I can't, I have somewhere else to go." I replied vaguely as I glanced at my watch. I had no intention to be late, I had to meet my realtor to finish signing the paperwork for my office.
Her face changed as she pursed her lips. "A date?" She asked.
"It's not any of your business." I answered, just to make things clear. I had nothing to hide, it was just that now I didn't have to tell her everything. "Text me the time you want to meet me for coffee. Have a nice day Colbie." I added politely and with that I got into my car and drove to my new office.
The place was amazing, not too big, not too small either, I still had to make some adjustments but the fact alone of having an office was enough for me. I had started to do all the things I had always wanted to do and it felt amazing. The fact that my realtor was a little late wasn't amazing at all instead.
I looked around, trying to spot the tall skinny man, instead my eyes noticed a tiny blonde woman with a prominent belly. She was pregnant. She was Colbie. And I really really hoped she hadn't followed me here. "What the-" I cut myself off, not wanting to lose my patience just yet. "What are you doing here?" I asked her.
"Um." Colbie looked down at her phone. "I'm here to meet someone to fill out final paperwork for an office." She replied.
"You're not my realtor."
"I know....Jack has freelanced for me before and I was going to be in the area anyways. I got in a fender bender." She explained. "Why are you buying an office?" I shook my head and stared at the sky because I was having the worst luck ever. "Am I that bad to hang out with?" She asked, a little annoyed at my reaction.
"I just wasn't planning on seeing you right now Colbie."
"Yeah. I remember. Not my business. You've made it very clear I'm no longer an important part of your life." She added.
"Do you need a reminder of who broke up with who?"
"I was under a lot of stress when I did that Jax." She spat back. Same old story.
"Yeah. That's a great excuse."
"I was in a hospital! I don't do well in hospitals. And I'd just had a bomb dropped on me."
I shook my head. Because I had had too. "Can we just do this?" I asked, nodding over to the building.
"Yeah. Okay sure." She pulled out the paperwork from her bag and walked into the building with me. "Are you going to even tell me what this is for?"
"It's for me." I replied.
"That's vague." She unlocked the door and walked in to the spacious room. "Wow." She said after a moment. "This is gorgeous."
"It was one of the first project's I did here in the city." I replied, proud of what I had done. "I always wanted to have an office here someday."
She smiled. "You did beautiful work Jax. You have a talent."
I smiled at her, genuinely. "Thank you."
"You need to do a final walk through. The owner of the building fixed the plumbing and air conditioning, you just need to okay it and sign the paperwork and it's all yours." I nodded and walked around, turning on the sink in the bathroom and in the small kitchenette in the corner. "Jax....are you selling your house to afford this place?"
I shook my head. "No, I need a bigger place for Ruby. With a bigger yard and a room she can grow into."
She nodded, "I'm selling my place too." She replied and I looked up at her.
"You love your place." I said matter of factly.
She shrugged. "It's not big enough for 3 people." She replied. "Especially a girl who'll want her own space away from her brother." She smirked.
"Yeah."
"Jax." She whispered and I looked up, not saying anything but clearly waiting for her to go on. "Why didn't you fight for me?" She asked softly.
"Don't fucking put this on me Colbie. I've fought for you every step of the way. Why didn't you fight for me?! If you loved me why did you run away every time we took a step forward?"
"You knew that about me!! I'm scared! I have a past!"
"I have a past too!!! You don't get to use your past as an excuse for pushing me away over and over and over!"
"I don't want to push you away anymore! I miss you so much." She admitted.
"Stop."
"No. I won't stop. If you want me to fight for you that's what I'll do because I love you and I want us to be a family."
I shook my head, because it was just too painful to hear. "No Colbie, we've already talked about this." I said in a final tone.
"But it's different now! I know I fucked up and I panicked and I made a huge mistake, but I know that now...I'm ready now." She went on in a pleading voice that to be honest only annoyed me more. She was saying all the right things only it was too late now.
I kept shaking my head, wanting her to get that I wasn't going to change my mind. It was hard, but it had to be done. "If you had said this to me one month ago I would've been the happiest man on earth. I never wanted anything else more than this."
"You can have it now." She said quickly and took a step towards me.
"I don't trust you anymore Colbie." I said bluntly, staring at her.
Her eyes widened and her lips parted, "Why? I didn't do anything that bad..." She trailed off and looked genuinely confused. The biggest part of our problem was exactly this, she was honest in her mistakes and barely realized she was making any.
"You said you loved me but you said you didn't trust your feelings too." I answered quietly, trying to keep a normal tone that wouldn't show how much that had hurt me. "How can I trust you now? How can I know you won't change your mind again? If it was just us I'd take the risk, but I have to think about Ruby. Will too. We can still have a chance to be good parents without being together and I know for sure I wouldn't even want to see you again if you fucked me over one more time."
"But I won't! I promise!" She tried to convince me but as my mom always said, words fly.
I looked at her, wanting to console her even though I was hurt too, wanting to hold her even if I was still mad. "I don't mean to upset you or make things harder Colbie, please respect my decision." I told her as I ran a hand through my hair, turning away from her and shutting my eyes tight for a moment because pushing her away was just so fucking awful.
"No." Colbie said resolutley.
"Colbie it's OVER!"
She shook her head. "I'm not giving up."
"You're wasting your time."
"Time spent fighting for love isn't wasted."
"This isn't a romance novel Colbie." I groaned.
She nodded. "No. It's better. Because we're real. Because I know you love me and I know that there isn't another woman alive who will love you the way I do. I know I fucked up. I know you don't trust me with your heart. But I'll do whatever it takes to prove that I'll never let you down again."
For a second I almost believed her. It passed fast, because my brain took over again. "Give me the damn papers Colbie. I don't want to talk about this anymore."
She smiled and handed them to me. "I love you Jackson." She said seriously as I signed the papers and I groaned.
"Actions speak louder than words." I replied in a pained voice.
"Then I better start acting." She replied.
"No Colbie. Stop it because you're pissing me off." I groaned again, it was as if she was having fun torturing me.
She cocked her head to the side, "You used to be more patient."
"Because I used to be in a happy relationship." I retorted harshly.
"You can have it again." She said shrugging doing what she had done from day one. She didn't listen to me. Compared to Colbie, Lila didn't even seem stubborn, her older sister was a whole other level.
"No." I spat and gave her the papers back.
She checked them before sliding them into her bag. "You'll change your mind." She said and then it hit me. She was too confident about it, as if everything she said and wanted would become happen. If I thought about it, it had always been like this, I was her fucking puppy because I was too afraid to lose her, I'd always say yes and put her before anything else. Now I had another girl who deserved to be my number one. Then there was me.
"Sure." I said flatly, done with this stupid conversation that wasn't going anywhere. "I gotta keep going, I have a busy day. Thank you for doing you job."
"What are you even doing with an office? Where are you living now?" She asked before I could even have the chance to get out.
"I'll tell you everything tomorrow." I answered quietly, back to my zen self.
"Uhm no." Of course. "Now."
"God you're impossible today." I muttered under my breath. "For now I'm still living at my house but I'll move to the cabin soon."
"But that's so small! And far!" She pointed out.
I raised one eyebrow. "20 minutes is not far and I'm alone for now so I don't need much space." I explained.
She rolled her eyes, "That doesn't explain this office."
"I quit my job and started my own company. Cole contracting." I told her and couldn't help but smile a little. I was so proud of that.
Her eyes widened to the point she looked like a manga doll. "Where did you take the money? Is that why you're selling your house?"
"Oh my god Colbie what's this obsession with my house?! I already told you why I'm selling it. I don't need that money for this." I motioned around, "I got it all covered."
"Did you start a loan? Jax you're not working right now you can't pay a loan." She went on making zero sense because she wasn't even letting me explain. She was jumping to her own conclusions and it was almost cute. Almost.
"I'm a grown up man I know how life works." I told her flatly, but didn't bother to get offended. I knew she was worrying and I appreciated that. "Travis helped me with everything."
Colbie widened her eyes as she took in everything I was saying. Then she threw her arms around me, tight. "I'm so happy for you." She whispered into my ear. "You deserve this so much you're amazing."
I sighed and hugged her back, longer than I had planned, but it was so hard to pull back when I had her so close. "Thanks Colbs." I replied.
"You're really going to stay at the cabin?"
I nodded. "It's not that big of a deal. Just until I find a place I lo-"
"You could move in with me instead." She offered, interrupting me. Okay, she had hit her head, I couldn't explain this differently.
"Dear god Colbie. You can go from dumping me to asking me to move in, you're acting like a crazy person."
"The cabin is the first place we made love." She replied.
My jaw set as I glared at her. Made love my ass. "You mean the time you almost ran out the door the second you came?"
She rolled her eyes, as if that hadn't happened, "I prefer to think of it as the time I'd felt most alive in my whole life up to that point."
"You're impossible."
"We should have sex."
I widened my eyes and then glared at her even harder. "What the fuck? No Colbie!"
She pouted, "I know my body isn't the same..." She trailed off.
"Are you out of your mind? I might take you back to the doctor to make sure that this baby isn't giving you crazy brain!!!"
She tilted her head to the side. "I don't have crazy brain! But it was like this with Will too I feel so horny all the time it's exhausting. Is this what it's like to be a man?"
"Go home Colbie. I can't hear this anymore."
She growled at me, "See this is why you're suppossed to have babies when you're in a relationship. Then you have someone who has to fuck you even though you're fat."
"I don't want to fuck you because YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!" I told her, exhasperated at this point.
"I broke mine too."
"That's your own fucking fault." I paced the room. "Jesus Colbie. You're a grown woman you don't get to have what you want whenever you want it just because you always have!!!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"NO! You have the perfect fucking family, where everyone is beautiful and charming and successful and the perfect job, and the perfect son and you think you can fuck with any man who walks into your life!"
"You are the ONLY man I've let into my life in years!!!! And my family isn't perfect! And if we're successful it's because we worked our asses off! Do you know how long it took me to become successful?! Years! I was working 3 jobs before Parker found out and forced me to take his help. And he built a company out of nothing without even a college degree because he was busy providing for our family when our dad DIED! I'm not perfect. I know I don't always get what I want. But I do get the things I need I NEED you Jackson. Because I'm broken without you."
I shook my head, "You were doing just fine before me." I pointed out, letting out all the rest because I was just so tired to argue.
"No I wasn't! I was never happy, my days were all the same and I thought I'd be forever alone." She protested, set on proving her point at any cost.
"You're exhausting me Colbs." I said honestly, letting out a sigh and rubbing my hands over my face.
"How?! By telling you the truth?!" She challenged me, narrowing her flaming eyes on me.
I raised one brow. "Do you want me to tell you the truth?" I asked and she nodded. "Everything is always about you. Every single thing. Even now that you just told me the story of your life and your family it was all aiming to prove me how hard you worked, how your brothers did all they could to become what they are....you know what? I'm tired of hearing this story over and over again." I told her, not using filters because from now on I was going to blunt. No more worrying about how she'd take my words.
"I thought you liked my brothers." She said slowly.
"And I do. Except for the cop that is out of his fucking mind. I like how close you all are and you really have an amazing family but first of all? I'm pretty sure they hate me now. But that doesn't even matter right now, because in all this I wonder where I stand. Just because I don't spend half of my time telling you the story of my family it doesn't mean we didn't have out struggles. It's not a fucking competition Colbie...do you have idea of the sacrifices my parents had to make for us? Do you know why Travis is so successful? Have you ever wondered how much that costed him? Or why I spent the last ten years of my life with a shitty job that could gave me no perspective? Did you ask yourself what I had been through because of you? No. Because you're pregnant. Because you hate hospitals. Because your husband was an asshole. You always had a reason to put me second. What's left for me? Nothing. And as you can see by my new life choices I'm tired of being second."
She seemed taken aback and stared at me with wide eyes. "I wasn't that bad." She retorted, but it was weak.
"I told my parents about the baby." I said seriously, "They're happy, because a new life is always an amazing thing. But my mom is heartbroken because she wanted for me what have always counted the most for her. A loving family. I can't even look at her without feeling awful and the worst part is that I had to do all I can not to make you look like the one who destroyed everything, because I don't want them to resent the mother of my baby."
"Why didn't you tell me these things?" Colbie asked.
"What?"
"I told you everything. Apparently too many times since you never want to hear it again, but I still shared. Why don't I know about your childhood and why you've decided you weren't good enough to do this until now?"
"Colbie this doesn't matter!" I said back, because no matter what I said, she always blamed everything on me. Of course now it was my fault for not sharing.
"I know more about TRAVIS than I know about you." She replied.
"Because Lila has a big mouth."
She shook her head. "No." She glared at me. "Because Travis told me himself. I know about his pain. I don't know about yours."
"If Travis told you anything it was because he didn't want me to go through what he did." I retorted, feeling sad that it hadn't been enough anyway.
"Okay. So why didn't you tell me anything? If our relationship was all about me and you wanted more then why did you let me get away with it? God I can't believe I didn't even realize it until now."
"Good then you can use that anger to get over us." I snapped, not telling her that I had done that because I loved her so much.
"No. Even if our relationship was far from perfect I know what I felt when I was with you. When we were being real. When you fell in love with my son just as much as me. More probably." She laughed a little even though that wasn't funny.
"So use it Colbie. Use what you learned from us to find what you're really looking for. Someone you won't doubt your feelings for or run from at every chance."
"I don't want anyone else. It makes me sad that I never got to know more about what makes you who you are, but that means that there's so much more for us to become if you'd let me."
"Stop."
"I will. For today. But I swear Jax I'll find a way to prove that I won't make the same mistakes again. I need to grow up too, just like you're doing, figure out why in the hell I was always putting myself first when I had a guy like you who wanted to give me the world. But I don't want the world. I just want you."
I stared at her. Long. I didn't know what to say to be honest, it was either something mean or something too good. I didn't want to say either. "Okay." I said eventually, lamely.
She widened her eyes, "Okay?! Really?!"
"No Colbie, not okay as okay to what you want." I explained quickly, afraid she was getting it wrong, "Okay I heard what you said and I'm too tired to tell you something decent or argue. So okay, I got the message but also okay I'm glad you're going to stop for today."
She almost chuckled. Unbelievable. "You're sounding silly."
"Oh God." I muttered under my breath and shook my head, "I have somewhere else to go now."
"I'll see you soon." She nodded as she smiled which was just so weird. I blamed it on her hormones.
I sighed and opened the door for her, waiting for her to walk outside before closing it behind me. "Colbie." I stopped her before she could get into her car, "Drive safe."