7.25.2015

monday left me broken

"Colbie." I said soflty.
Her eyes fluttered open, looking into mine. "Mmmm." She rolled back over and stuffed her head in the pillow as I chuckled.
"You have to get up baby." I whispered, pressing kisses against her shoulder.
"What time is it?"
"Almost nine."
She turned towards me with a disgusted look on her face. "It's Sunday Jackson!" She exclaimed and watched as my mouth turned up into a smirk.
"I know you're annoyed, but I think it's kind of hot when you use my full name."
"How are you so awake?!"
I laughed. "I went running with Lila a few hours ago and then took a shower." I said as I put a steaming hot cup of coffee on her dresser.
"That's nice." She smiled, getting up and taking a long sip of the drink. "Or not." She winced.
"It's the same thing you always make." I furrowed my brow.
"I'm feeling a little nauseous." She admitted, grabbing her stomach and scooting further into bed. "Why do we have to be up early? Will is at Rob's."
"Are you sure you're okay?"
She nodded and snuggled into my body. "Sometimes I get nauseated if I wake up too early."
I pulled her closer to me, looking down at her, "But it's not thar early."
"It is for being a Sunday morning!" She snapped. But I had no intention to ruin our day off.
"You're right." I told her, pushing her hair behind her ear, "Do you want to sleep some more."
"No I'm awake now." She muttered and hid her face against my chest.
I rubbed her back, thinking about a way to make her smile again because that was my mission. Everyday. "Do you want me to make you breakfast?" I suggested, "Or we can go out."
She pulled her head back as she made a disgusted face, "Oh god no. I'm nauseous Jax I can't eat right now."
"Are you sick?" I asked and she shook her head, "Did you eat something bad?"
"I've had this for weeks now I don't think it's something I ate." She replied flatly.
"Maybe it's a bug or something." I shrugged since I was running out of options.
"I doubt it." She replied, setting her head back on my chest.
"Are you stressed baby?" I raised one eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes, looking annoyed again, "No, everything is okay Jax, it's nothing!"
I opened my mouth about to say that maybe she needed to see a doctor then I decided against it. "Just tell me if I can do something to help, okay?" I said eventually.
She looked up at me and nodded. Then she lifted herself up, widening her eyes, and a second later she was running towards the bathroom.
I followed her, watching as she kneeled down and threw up. Nothing my a.ss. I bent over her, pulling her hair back and fisting it with my hand.
"Go away I don't want you to see me like this." She managed to choke out before throwing up more.
"No Colbie and don't argue." I said seriously, rubbing her back and feeling unpleasantly helpless.
"I'm going to call your doctor baby is the number in your phone?"
Colbie shook her head. "It's probably just the flu, what's a doctor going to do?" She asked, before hurling up the rest of whatever was left in her stomach.
"Give you some medicine before you puke out a lung?" I offered.
She shook her head stubbornly, "I feel better now, honestly."
"Sure." I glared at her as she stood up and grabbed her toothbrush, loading it down with toothpaste.
"I finally have an entire day with you. I refuse to be sick." She pouted as she brushed the hell out of her mouth.
"You can't just choose to not be sick baby." I whispered, coming up to her and kissing her forehead softly.
"It's just stress I think."
"Okay so far it's been nothing, and then the flu, and now just stress." I pointed out, wishing she could realize how irrational that sounded.
She nodded. "Exactly, it's definitley stress. She mean I've been working really hard and She haven't-" She said as she walked back to the bedroom, but then she stopped talking and her legs gave up, just in them for me to catch her.
"Colbie." I called her, but she didn't answer.

---

"Miss Trenton?"
She blinked her eyes open slowly as a the nurse looked over her. "Yeah?" She managed to say.
"You're at the hospital. You fainted at your house."
"Where's Will?!" She shouted. "Is he okay?" The nurse looked to her left where I was standing.
"Will is still at Adam and Liz's baby it's still Sunday morning." I explained quietly.
She turned and I grabbed her hand. "I told you not to take me to the doctor." She pouted.
"You fainted and scared the shit out of me, what was I supposed to do?!" I said back seriously.
"He did the right thing." The nurse agreed with me before turning away, "We need to run some tests."
"Can't she mind her own business instead?" Colbie muttered under her breath, something that was really out of character for her.
I raised one eyebrow at her, "She's just doing her job." I told her quiet enough for the woman not to hear me.
"Whatever." Colbie looked away from me. Sigh.
I used my free hand to caress her cheek, my finger running down her jaw and to her chin to tilt her head to me. "We'll be done soon." I said more softly, bending over a little to place a kiss on her lips.
"Here." The nurse interrupted us, handing Colbie a plastic cup kind of thing, "The bathroom is there."
"What if she faints again." I made a face, feeling suddenly very apprehensive.
The woman in yellow shrugged at me, "You can go with her if you want."
"No, I'm fine." Colbie glared at me and got up, letting go of my hand and disappearing from my sight.
I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair, getting a sympathetic look from the woman who was scribbling something. A few moments later that seemed hours, Colbie came back and laid back down on the bed. Still glaring. I just didn't understand her mood.
"Okay, now the blood test and I'll be done with you." The nurse announced.
My girls eyes widened and I grabbed her hand again hurriedly. "I hate needles." She told me, turning away from the view.
"Focus on me." I smirked and for the first time she seemed to lighten up a little.
"Ouch." She muttered, making me tilt my head down to kiss her once again, softly but innocently. "It kind of worked." She smiled at me.
"Told you." I winked at her.
The nurse didn't even spare us a glance, too busy with her job, "I'll be right back with the results." She said in monotone.
"Colbie?!" Reece came running into the room. What? Why? "What happened are you okay?!"
"I'm fine! What the fuck are you doing here?" She spat at her brother.
"Colbie." I widened my eyes, surprised once again.
"How the hell did you get her to come to a hospital?" Reece asked me. Maybe attitude was a family thinkg I wasn't aware of? This day was only getting worse.
"I said what are you doing here?!" Colbie almost yelled. Good god, what was wrong with her? Did she had a personality transplant and I didn't notice?
"I had a vic I was interviewing and I heard your name." He said, leaning over and kissing her forehead, ignoring her bad mood.
"She was throwing up and then she fainted." I explained.
Reece widened his eyes. "Oh so that's how you got her here."
"Reece shut up." She spat at him.
"Colbie what the hell is wrong with you!?" I asked, running my hands through my hair. "You're worrying me."
"I'd just rather not spend a lot of time in the same building that my dad died!" She shouted.
Reece ran a hand over his face. Damn. I had no idea.
"Oh baby." Apprehension dawned on my face as I saw tears falling down her face.
"Can you call Lila?" Colbie and I asked Reece at the exact same time and she turned to me.
"Yeah of course." Reece kissed her head. "You don't feel like you have a fever." He commented before squeezing her hand.
"I'm sorry Colbs. I didn't know about the hospitals." I told her, feeling like an idiot even if I had no faults.
She nodded as she wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand.
"Um....Lil was at Mom's." Reece poked his head in.
"So the whole damn family is coming?" She groaned and I was tempted to do so too.
"I don't know about them all but mom and Lila will." He answered with a shrug as if that was normal. To me, it wasn't. I mean okay, it was normal for them to worry and if roles were reversed my family would worry too, but they wouldn't come all to the hospital just because I had fainted. Also I had the unpleasant feeling that she felt safer with them than with me, as if I wasn't enough. Maybe I was just overthinking.
"I don't think it's anything serious, they don't need to come here." I tried quietly.
Reece raised a brow at me, "What are you a doctor now?" He said back. Wow.
I leaned back against the wall, collecting all my patience and keeping in mind how much I loved Colbie. "No of course not. What do I know about serious stuff." I muttered. They were all successful rich men, I was just a man. Did I really have a chance with their sister?
"It's nothing, really." Colbie sighed, she really seemed relieved though.
"How did it happen?" Reece asked her, this time ignoring me completely.
"I threw up and fainted, end of the story." She answered in monotone, back in her mood apparently, and silence fell for a moment.
"Should I call Adam and tell Will too?" I cut into the conversation as the thought came to my mind, "Or maybe it's better if we wait for the doctor to tell us what's wrong with you."
"That's a better idea yes." This time she agreed and I was thankful that for once I had said the right thing.
"Oh my god what happened!" Lila walked into the room like a tornado, followed by her mom and her brothers Kolton and Josh. So no Parker and Derrik, so far.
Colbie rolled her eyes but accepted the hugs, "Are you okay baby?" Her mother asked her, concern on her face.
As the rest of the family ignored me, not even sparing me a glance, Lila headed to me and that made me feel better. I could really use a friend right now. "So tell me before they find out by themselves."
"She wasn't feeling well, then threw up and fainted. So I took her here even if she didn't even want to see a doctor." I explained quietly.
She offered one of her warm smiles, "So it's not your fault." She teased but I wasn't in the mood, "I'm sure it's nothing." She added and kissed my cheek.
"I hope so." I sighed, the pressure so much I could barely take it.
The doctor walked into the room, blinking at all the people crowding it. "Are these all your relatives Miss Trenton?"
"Yes we are." Kolton answered before she could.
"What's wrong with her?" Reece added, with his cop attitude that Travis didn't like and I could see why.
The doctor didn't seem bothered, "I need to ask you to leave the room, I have to talk to Miss Trenton." He said quietly.
Colbie shook her head, "No I want them all here." She retorted seriously.
"Uh okay." He nodded, "Your health is good, you have normal symptoms of a pregnancy."
I looked at her. Then looked at the doctor again. No.
"But I'm not pregnant." She replied simply, shrugging, "I'm just stressed."
"No Miss Trenton, I'm telling you as a fact. You're pregnant." He explained softly while everyone's mouth dropped open. I...I didn't know what to think. I thought that couldn't happen. "About eight weeks pregnant." He added, "I'll leave you some time to digest it then I'll be back."
I kept my eyes glued on Colbie, who looked even paler now. "I think we need to talk alone." I was the first one to talk and all of a sudden all the eyes were on me.
She didn't even hear me I think, shaking her head instead. "Oh my god this is a nightmare! It can't be happening again!" She choked out. A nightmare? Yeah it wasn't ideal, but...a nightmare?
"How could you do this to her?!" Reece turned to me, mad and unexpected, "What the h.ell! I thought you were a decent guy!"
"It takes two to make a baby, do you know that?" I said back this time, barely holding back because I just wanted to be with Colbie and talk.
"We're going to figure this out." Colbie's mom told her, trying to calm her down.
I ignored everyone, reaching for her hand, "Colbs, baby, we really need to talk alone."
She slipped her hand out of my hold, starting to cry, "I can't even look at you right now." She sobbed.
I felt as if the world was collapsing under my feet, nothing made sense anymore. I thought she needed me right now, I needed her right now, and she was pushing me away, shutting me out, as if this wasn't any of my business. "Colbie, please." I tried again, my voice calm and soft.
"Go away!" She managed to say as she hugged her mom, not looking at me.
I made eye contact with her mom, knowing she could be the wise voice here, "I-"
"Didn't you hear her? She doesn't want you here." Josh cut me off before I could even start.
And that's when I remembered that Travis and I had the same blood. But I wasn't like Travis, because I didn't get blinded by my rage, I tried to look at the whole picture and I was smart enough not to start a fight with her brothers. That would only kept me away from Colbie. "Loud and clear." I said between clenched teeth, then looked at Lila, "I thought you were all better than this." I told her harshly, mad at everyone and at Colbie too as I made my way out of the damn hospital. I was her boyfriend and I was the father of the baby she was carrying. Christ a baby.
Lila ran after me, "Are you fucking kidding me!?' She asked.
"WHAT?!" I shouted, so fucking out of myself.
"You're just going to walk away from the future mother of your child?!" She hissed, pulling me into a spare room and slamming the door. "That's the kind of man you want to be?"
"She doesn't want me there Lila! Hell I've had to force her to be with me through this whole damn relationship!"
"That's not true." She rolled her eyes.
"No?! That woman in there has fought her feelings every goddamn step of the way. I would give the fucking world to her and all she wanted was a little fun."
"Think over what you just said and try again Jackson." She narrowed her eyes and I folded my arms over my chest.
I groaned and ran my hands over my face as I paced the room. "What the hell am I suppossed to do?"
"I don't know Jax you're not making the best decisions as of late." She pointed out.
"What does that mean!?" I roared.
"It means that you've focused all your energy on Colbie and none on anyone else? God Jax no wonder she's fighting you! You're holding on too damn tight and in the process you're ignoring the people who matter to you!"
"This isn't the fucking time to bring up Travis' issues with her Lila." I growled.
"Oh no? So you weren't about to go see me then?"
I blinked and ran my hands through my hair. Maybe she knew me a little too much. "How did you know that?" I spat.
She shrugged and gave me a significant look. "He's on his way here." She said simply.
"....Why?" I asked.
"Because I told him you needed him." She said simply.
I slumped into the chair and shook my head.
"How did this happen?" I asked, blinking over at her.
"That's a good fucking question." The cop brother said from behind her, shoving his way in.
"Reece get out." She said seriously.
"I can't believe Colbie made the same fucking mistake again." He shook his head and looked over at me in disgust.
I bolted out of my seat and stood up, facing down her cop brother. "I'd rethink that if I were you. Because I know you're not calling William a mistake and I know you're not comparing me to a man who would cheat on his wife." I said in a cold dark voice. "Not to mention insulting your sister."
"I don't know you." Reece replied calmly, though clearly he was a little taken aback by my words.
"Well believe this. Colbie and I are in a committed and loving relationship. Something that I know for a fact you've never experienced. I don't care if she wants to push me away, I'm that babies father and it's really none of your business anyways."
"Baby?" Travis' voice came from behind us and he widened his eyes as he looked between that idiot and me. "What the hell are you talking about?"
I looked at my brother, even though I didn't even know where I was finding the courage. I was sweating and at the same time I felt blood drying from my face. One thing was telling him alone, another was doing this now, like this. "Colbie's pregnant." I said eventually.

Travis;

I stared at my brother for seconds that felt like years. I was having an awful dejavu, as if I was seeing myself all over again. I couldn't even know how to react. "What the hell were you thinking?!" I exploded eventually, yelling at my brother as I looked down at him.
"Oh finally someone reacts decently!" Lila's brother, the cop one I guessed, said, choosing the worst time ever to open his fucking mouth. As if I didn't like him enough already.
I turned to him, glaring and not giving a damn if he was my girlfriend's brother. "Shut up, this is a family thing." I told him, mad beyond words.
He narrowed his eyes on me, "My family." He said darkly but I wasn't impressed. I never was.
"Get the fuck out of this room and leave me alone with my brother." I said in a threatening tone, only waiting for him to give me a reason to punch his face.
"Trav-" Lila started, but I cut her off.
"Lila, you too. Get out." I ordered even though I used a softer tone to her, because she had no faults, "Thank you for calling me." I added before she basically pushed his brother out.
Once it was just Jax and me, he looked up at me with concern into his eyes, "I don't know how this could happen." He breathed out, running his hands through his hair and looking desperate.
"You're so fucking stupid!" I started yelling again, "Didn't you learn anything from what happened to me?!"
"I thought we were being careful!" He said back, his voice almost matching mine. Almost, because he was smarter than fighting me right now. "I have no idea how this is all possible." He added and his voice broke. I did too.
I slumped ont he chair next to him, my eyes still on him. "Right now it's irrelevant Jax. You have to stay with Colbie, talk to her and take a decision you won't regret." I told him seriously, almost softly. "I don't want you to make my same mistake."
He let out a sigh, leaning back in the chair, "I know." He paused, lost in his thoughts, "I want this baby, even if it's unexpected and probably too soon. I couldn't even think about an abortion."
"That's right." I nodded in agreement, glad that at least he was reasoning and still had his priorities right.
"But Colbie doesn't want to talk to me. Hell she doesn't even want to see me right now and her whole damn family is here backing her up, they were all there when we got the news...she looks devastated and her brothers look like they're ready to jump my throat." He explained further and once again he ran his hands through his hair, a move that all us Cole brothers did whenever we were nervous.
I made a face, only imagining being in that situation. "Since when you let someone bully you?" I asked him with a brow raised.
"I want them to know I'm the good guy here." He swallowed, "But I don't look good right now."
"You should focus on Colbie first, then you can worry about the others." I said simply even though it was not simple.
"I'd never get them to leave me alone with her, they're so damn overprotective." He muttered.
"That's what I'm here for." I got up, since I was okay with playing the bad guy. I had no one to impress. I headed to the room where Colbie was and as soon as I walked in, I had all the eyes on me.
"As if we needed more trouble." One of Lila's brothers said and I didn't even take time to answer that or aknowledge him. I didn't even know her brothers, except for the cop that ran checks on me and the one that owned the bar.
"You have to leave this room, Jax needs to talk to Colbie." I said seriously, as a command. And it was. I looked at Colbie and dared her to talk. She knew they needed to talk. "Alone."
"Who the hell you think you are to come here and tell us what to do!!" That Reece idiot came at me. Again.
"He's right." Lila's mom, who I had only seen in picture, cut us all off before we could start talking. Fighting more like it. "I suppose you're Travis, right?" She told me and her voice was oddly soft.
I offered my hand which she took and shook, "Yes, I'm Lila's boyfriend, nice to meet you even though the circumstance's not ideal."
She nodded in agreement and even offered a small smile before getting up from Colbie's bed. "We all need some fresh air." She said as she looked at her sons who were looking at me instead.
I stretched my hand out to Lila, not sure on which page she was, but I knew I couldn't deal with her brothers right now and I needed her on my side, "Come with me." I told her, leading her outside as Jax walked in.

Jax;

I mouthed Trav a thank you as everyone finally left me alone with Colbie, her eyes still lost in nothing and not focusing on me. I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her hand tentatively, "Baby it's still me...look at me, please." I said, already begging her.
"What are we going to do?!" Colbie asked, looking desperatley at me and I really wished I had all the answers.
"I don't know." I admitted, feeling lost because I had none instead.
"8 weeks." She shook her head. "I know I've been feeling a little off but I never thought-" She looked up at me. "I didn't mean for this to happen I swear." She said, tears falling from her face and only breaking my heart.
"Is that what you think I'm worried about? That you got pregnant on purpose?" I looked back at her incredulously, because she couldn't think I could think that for even a second. I wasn't her ex.
"I-"
"Your ex really fucked you up didn't he?" I asked, guessing that was the reason. She swallowed thickly, looking incredibly scared and deep in her thoughts, which wasn't a good combination. "Colbie. It's time to really talk to me." I said seriously.
She shook her head. "I can't." She whispered. "We can't do this."
"This is my baby." I said seriously as I set my hand on her stomach and she sucked in a breath.
"I know." She nodded. "But....Jax we haven't been together long enough to know what we are. This is too soon. Way too soon. Do you even want kids?!"
"YES!" I shouted. "Look Colbie, I've never dated a woman with a kid before because I didn't think I had it in me but you are different. And not because you're worth struggling through dealing with Will but because I love Will too. You two are my family."
"You can't know that yet." She cried, the tears still coming down. "And I'm not putting Will and another child through a messy relationship that will eventually end anyways."
I widened my eyes. I had no intention to make our relationship a messy one and I couldn't see its end either, because I wanted her for the rest of my life. "What are you saying to me right now Colbie?" I asked.
"I don't know Jax!!!! I just found out her entire life is changing again! I have no idea what to think, what to say, what to do! This wasn't suppossed to happen and I feel guilty as hell because I'm angry at this baby!" She admitted, the tears becoming sobs as finally spoke her mind.
"Colbie. Tell her you're not thinking of not keeping-"
She held up her hand. "No Jax. I would never do that." She sighed. "But I'm beginning to really understand why a woman would."
I pulled a chair up to her and grabbed her hands, trying to be as understanding as possible even if I was freaking out myself. "Baby. We can get through this. We can get through anything. But not that. We couldn't get through that. Trust me when I say no one gets over that." I told her I thought about Travis and Karlie.
She looked up into my eyes. "I wouldn't" She admitted. "But I don't know what to do."
"We raise this baby. It's ours. I want it. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more besides you."
"We work all the time Jax. We hardly have time for each other and Will not to mention a newborn!"
I cupped her cheek. "Don't you want more kids?" I asked, trying to make her reason.
"Not like this." She whispered, pulling away. "Can you go? I want to be alone."
I was taken aback by her words even though at the same time I expected that. My first instinct was to go, because I didn't know how to make this better and not only it frustrates me, it scared me too. On a second thought, I wanted to stay because leaving her alone scared me even more. "No." I said stubbornly, inching the chair closer and setting my hand on her leg, "I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever."
"Please Jax...please." She begged as she started crying again.
"It's not what you need. God knows what you could think while you're alone and I wouldn't do any better either." I told her seriously, trying to convince her, "The only way we can get through this is together."
She shook her head, "No, we can't. There's no way we can, it will be an awful painful mess anyway." She sobbed.
I ignored her words, no matter how they felt like punches in my face, "Do you have that little faith in us?"
"It's too soon!!!" She shouted in my face.
"Don't you think I don't know that?! But it happened, I don't know how but it did!" I said as I let out some of my exasperation, "I'm just as scared as you are! I don't know how to handle this without you."
"But I don't want to be with you right now." She said and this time, she was quiet.
A chill ran down my spine, "What are you saying Colbie?" I asked in a voice that didn't even sound like mine.
"I need some time to be alone and think." She told me, looking away.
This time, I didn't have the strength to go against her. She was crushing me, and I was not only exhausted but really f.ucking angry too. "Okay." I said as I got up, "Call me when you think you're ready to give me a chance."
"This isn't about giving you a fucking chance Jax!" She exclaimed. "This is a child! We can't just hope that we make it. It's not about chances!! My track record is 0/100 in relationships! We don't have the luxury to hold on to whatever we are now."
"Are you dumping me Colbie?" I asked, my voice showing exasperation while I only got more angry.
She licked her lips, taking a few awfully long seconds before answering. "Yeah." She said finally, looking away like a fucking coward.
"You want to do this by yourself?!" I looked at her like a mad man.
"No I don't want to fucking do it by myself. But I haven't woken up in a fairy tale where everything is sparkles and glitter and we're together forever with a white picket fence and 2 kids!!!!! This is the real world Jackson!!!!"
"Yeah and in the real world we're having this baby whether or not it was in our plan! You think it will be easier for us to just raise it together without being together? Is that what you want?!"
"I want this to never have happened!!!!"
"The baby? Or us." I asked simply.
She blinked. "Both."
"You can't say this." I paused, my voice uncertain with hurt, "The woman I fell for would never say this."
"You don't know me that well after all." She retorted, her voice flat.
I walked to the other side of the bed to force her to look at me, "You're not going to get rid of me this easy Colbie. I can't fight for both of us if you don't let me." I said so upset and confused I could barely think straight.
"No one is asking you to." She said back and had the nerve to stare at me while she was saying it. Was I wrong? All I thought we had was only in my head? Why did she have no faith in our future together? What had I done wrong?
"I swear to god Colbie, if you keep this baby, and you better, I'm going to make sure he grows up with a father, I'm not going to let you keep me away from what's mine!!!" Were my last words before I slammed the door closed and walked away.

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