can't believe it ends like this

"Colbie." I smelled his body wash before I fully woke up, fluttering my eyes open to Jax's gorgeous blue ones.
"Mmmm." I rolled back over and stuffed my head in the pillow as I heard Jax chuckle.
"You have to get up baby." he whispered, pressing kisses against my shoulder.
"What time is it?"
"Almost nine." I turned towards him with a disgusted look on my face.
"It's Sunday Jackson!" I exclaimed and watched as his icy blues got darker and his mouth turned up into a smirk.


"I know you're annoyed, but I think it's kind of hot when you use my full name."
"How are you so awake?!" Jax laughed.
"I went running with Lila a few hours ago and then took a shower." I smelled the distinct scent of caffiene as he put a steaming hot cup of coffee on my dresser.
"That's nice." I smiled, getting up and taking a long sip of the drink but then my stomach churned. "Or not." I winced.
"It's the same thing you always make." Jax furrowed his brow.
"I'm feeling a little nauseous." I admitted, grabbing my stomach and scooting further into bed. "Why do we have to be up early? Will is at Rob's."
"Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded and snuggled into Jax's hard body.
"Sometimes I get nauseated if I wake up too early." I shrugged and Jax squeezed me closer.
"But it's not thar early."
"It is for being a Sunday morning!" I snapped.
"You're right." he told me, pushing my hair behind my ear, "Do you want to sleep some more?"
"No I'm awake now." I muttered and hid my face against his chest, loving the feeling of his hand rubbing my back slowly.
"Do you want me to make you breakfast?" he suggested, "Or we can go out." my stomach churned and I pulled back to look at him.
"Oh god no. I'm nauseous Jax I can't eat right now."
"Are you sick?" he asked and I shook my head, "Did you eat something bad?"
"I've had this for weeks now I don't think it's something I are." I replied, thinking back on my week and what I'd eaten.
"Maybe it's a bug or something." he shrugged.
"I doubt it." I replied, setting my head back on his hard chest.
"Are you stressed baby?"
"No, everything is okay Jax, it's nothing!" I snapped, which was so unlike me but damn he didn't have to ask so many questions. Sometimes I was naseous it was normal.
"Just tell me if I can do something to help, okay?" he said eventually. I instantly felt bad and I nodded, but before I could say anythign my stomach squeezed and I knew I needed to get to the bathroom fast. I got to the toilet just in time to see the contents of my stomach leaving me and I felt Jax pull my hair away from my face. Fu.ck. This wasn't cute at all.
"Go away I don't want you to see me like this." I managed to choke out before throwing up more.
"No Colbie and don't argue." he said seriously, rubbing my back slowly.
"I'm going to call your doctor baby is the number in your phone?" I shook my head.
"It's probably just the flu, what's a doctor going to do?" I asked, before hurling up the rest of whatever was left in my stomach.
"Give you some medicine before you puke out a lung?" Jax offered. I shook my head.
"I feel better now, honestly." And I really hated doctors.
"Sure." he glared at me as I stood up and grabbed my toothbrush, loading it down with toothpaste.
"I finally have an entire day with you. I refuse to be sick." I pouted as I brushed the hell out of my mouth.
"You can't just choose to not be sick baby." he whispered, coming up to me and kissing my forehead softly. God I was exhausted. Which is so bizarre since I slept a lot last night.
"It's just stress I think."
"Okay so far it's been nothing, and then the flu, and now just stress." I nodded
"Exactly, it's definitley stress. I mean I've been working really hard and I haven't-" I said as I walked back to the bedroom, but the whole room was kind of wobbly.
"Colbie." I could barely hear Jax's deep voice in the distance as the world around me faded to black.
**
"Miss Trenton?" I blinked my eyes open slowly, my body aching slightly all over as a woman dressed in yellow scrubs looked over me.
"Yeah?" I managed to say.
"You're at the hospital. You fainted at your house." I blinked.
"Where's Will?!" I shouted. "Is he okay?" The nurse looked to her left for guidance.
"Will is still at Adam and Liz's baby it's still Sunday morning." Jax's voice soothed me as I turned and he grabbed my hand.
"I told you not to take me to the doctor." I pouted.
"You fainted and scared the s.hit out of me, what was I supposed to do?!" Jax said back seriously.
"He did the right thing." The nurse agreed with him before turning away, "We need to run some tests."
"Can't she mind her own business instead?" I muttered, annoyed that the woman was even listening to our conversation. I hated this...hated this place.
"She's just doing her job." Jax said quietly, looking suprised.
"Whatever." He didn't understand. But then his hand was running down my cheek, his finger lifting my jaw to look into my eyes and it felt so good when he touched me I forgot to be mad.
"We'll be done soon." he said more softly, bending over to kiss me softly.
"Here." The nurse interrupted us, handing me a plastic cup. "The bathroom is there."
"What if she faints again." Jax made a face and I struggled not to roll my eyes.
"You can go with her if you want."
"No, I'm fine." I glared at him. Yeah I was going to let my boyfriend watch me pee. Ha. I got back and laid on the bed because if we were being honest I did still feel a little dizzy.
"Okay, now the blood test and I'll be done with you." The nurse announced. Fu.ck.
"I hate needles." I told Jax.
"Focus on me." he shot me a cocky smirk that he knew made me week and again I forgot my mood. Until I got pricked in the arm.
"Ouch." I muttered, making Jax tilt his head down to kiss me once again, softly but innocently.
"It kind of worked." I smiled at him.
"Told you." he winked and thank god the nurse didn't interrupt us again.
"I'll be right back with the results." she said in monotone.
"Colbie?!" Reece came running into the room. "What happened are you okay?!"
"I'm fine! What the fu.ck are you doing here?" I spat at my brother, my semi-good mood gone again.
"Colbie." Jax widened his eyes. I never snapped at my brothers.
"How the hell did you get her to come to a hospital?" Reece asked Jax.
"I said what are you doing here?!" I was quickly losing patience. I hated it here. I hated it so much I felt like the room was closing in on me.
"I had a vic I was interviewing and I heard your name." He said, leaning over and kissing my forehead, ignoring my bad mood.
"She was throwing up and then she fainted." Reece widened his eyes.
"Oh so that's how you got her here."
"Reece shut up." I spat at him.
"Colbie what the hell is wrong with you!?" Jax asked, running his hands through his hair. "You're worrying me."
"I'd just rather not spend a lot of time in the same building that my dad died!" I shouted. Reece ran a hand over his face. He knew why I hated being here. It wasn't fair of me to take out my frustrations on Jax. He didn't know. Well. Now he did.
"Oh baby." Apprehension dawned on his all too handsome face and I felt the stress of being here plus the stress of whatever was wrong with me become overwhelming and I felt tears falling down my face.
"Can you call Lila?" Jax and I asked Reece at the exact same time and I turned to this man who understood me so well even when I was acting like a total crazy person.
"Yeah of course." Reece kissed my head. "You don't feel like you have a fever." He commented before squeezing my hand.
"I'm sorry Colbs. I didn't know about the hospitals." I nodded as I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand.
"Um....Lil was at Mom's." Reece poked her head in.
"So the whole damn family is coming?" I groaned but inwardly my heart felt warm. If I was going to be stuck here it would be nice to have my siblings. All people who didn't really like being here themselves either. None of them had it as bad as I did. I didn't know why.
"I don't know about them all but mom and Lila will."
"I don't think it's anything serious, they don't need to come here." Jax tried quietly and Reece raised a brow at Jax.
"What are you a doctor now?" I sighed. Leave it to Reece to be an as.shole.
"No of course not. What do I know about serious stuff." he muttered.
"It's nothing, really." I sighed, feeling better already after taking the nasuea meds the nurse had given me.
"How did it happen?" Reece.
"I threw up and fainted, end of the story." I replied, it was so silly I was here. I didn't need a hospital. I just needed those meds.
"Should I call Adam and tell Will too?" Jax cut into the conversation. "Or maybe it's better if we wait for the doctor to tell us what's wrong with you."
"That's a better idea yes." I agreed, though I really wanted to see my son right now. He always grounded me and made me forget my own problems because I was so focused on him.
"Oh my god what happened!" Lila bolted into the room with mom behind her. And Kolton. And Josh.  They all rushed to hug me and I took the hugs but still rolled my eyes.
"Are you okay baby?" Mom asked.
"I'm fine mom."
"....are you sure?" She asked, looking at me in a way I couldn't recognize. The doctor walked into the room, blinking at all the people crowding it.
"Are these all your relatives Miss Trenton?"
"Yes we are." Kolton answered before I could.
"What's wrong with her?" Reece added, still in full cop mode.
"I need to ask you to leave the room, I have to talk to Miss Trenton." He said quietly but I shook my head since trying to get them to leave would be a project itself.
"No I want them all here." I retorted seriously.
"Uh okay." He nodded, "Your health is good, you have normal symptoms of a pregnancy."
"But I'm not pregnant." I replied simply, shrugging, "I'm just stressed."
"No Miss Trenton, I'm telling you as a fact. You're pregnant." He explained softly while everyone's mouth dropped open. "About eight weeks pregnant." He added, "I'll leave you some time to digest it then I'll be back." I just stared at the spot that the doctor used to be. 8 weeks pregnant? I did the math in my head and yeah I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a period. But I was on birth control and I figured it was just stress!
"I think we need to talk alone." Jaxs' voice rang out through the shock of the room and I shook my head. No. This wasn't true.
"Oh my god this is a nightmare! It can't be happening again!" I choked out feeling like the room was spinning and I was 18 again.
"How could you do this to her?!" Reece turned to Jax, "What the h.ell! I thought you were a decent guy!"
"It takes two to make a baby, do you know that?" He said back, his eyes blazing at my brother.
"We're going to figure this out." Mom said, looking less surprised than the rest of the family. I felt Jax grab my hand and I looked over at him.
, "Colbs, baby, we really need to talk alone." I pulled my hand away and tears streamed down my face. This was what I got for trying to be happy, for trying to move on with my life. Why had I thought it was okay to get into a relationship!?
"I can't even look at you right now." I sobbed.
"Colbie, please." he tried again, the calm in his voice making me even more mad.
"Go away!" I yelled back as I hid my head in my moms shoulders and she rubbed my back slowly.
"I-"
"Didn't you hear her? She doesn't want you here." Josh cut him off before he could even start.
"Loud and clear." I could hear the anger in his voice but I didn't care. I couldn't deal with this right now. "I thought you were all better than this." I heard him say before he stomped out of the door.
Lila
I ran after Jax, ignoring the protests from my brothers while my mom soothed my sister.
"Are you fu.cking kidding me!?' I asked.
"WHAT?!" Jax shouted, looking so much like Travis right now it was easier for me to deal with him. I was used to this kind of Cole behavior.
"You're just going to walk away from the future mother of your child?!" I hissed, pulling him into a spare room and slamming the door. "That's the kind of man you want to be?"
"She doesn't want me there Lila! Hell I've had to force her to be with me through this whole damn relationship!"
"That's not true." I rolled my eyes.
"No?! That woman in there has fought her feelings every goddamn step of the way. I would give the fu.cking world to her and all she wanted was a little fun."
"Think over what you just said and try again Jackson." I narrowed my eyes and he folded his arms over his chest. Jax groaned and ran his hands over his face as he paced the room.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know Jax you're not making the best decisions as of late." I pointed out.
"What does that mean!?" He roared.
"It means that you've focused all your energy on Colbie and none on anyone else? God Jax no wonder she's fighting you! You're holding on too damn tight and in the process you're ignoring the people who matter to you!"
"This isn't the fucking time to bring up Travis' issues with me Lila." He growled.
"Oh no? So you weren't about to go see him then?" He blinked and ran his hands through his hair.
"How did you know that?" He spat. I shrugged and gave him a significant look.
"He's on his way here." I said simply.
"....Why?" Jax asked.
"Because I told him you needed him." I said simply. Jax slumped into the chair and shook his head.
"How did this happen?" he asked, blinking over at me.
"That's a good fucking question." Reece said from behind me, shoving his way in.
"Reece get out." I said seriously, but I saw the look in his eyes.
"I can't believe Colbie made the same fucking mistake again." He shook his head and looked over at Jax in disgust. Jackson bolted out of his seat and stood up, facing down my cop brother in a way I'd seen very few men do.
"I'd rethink that if I were you. Because I know you're not calling William a mistake and I know you're not comparing me to a man who would cheat on his wife." He said in a cold dark voice. "Not to mention insulting your sister." I smiled, even though I knew this could get dramatic. But anyone who would stand up for Will before anything else? That was the Jax that I knew.
"I don't know you." Reece replied calmly, though clearly he was a little taken aback by Jax's words.
"Well believe this. Colbie and I are in a committed and loving relationship. Something that I know for a fact you've never experienced. I don't care if she wants to push me away, I'm that babies father and it's really none of your business anyways."
"Baby?" Travis' voice came from behind me and he widened his eyes as he looked between Jax and Reece. I might not have mentioned half my family was here when I told Travis Jax needed him. Oops. "What the hell are you talking about?"
I looked at my brother, even though I didn't even know where I was finding the courage. I was sweating and at the same time I felt blood drying from my face. One thing was telling him alone, another was doing this now, like this. "Colbie's pregnant." I said eventually. Travis just stared at Jax for a second and I could read his face too well. I knew he was flashing back to his own life and experience with an unplanned pregnancy.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" he exploded eventually, yelling at Jax the way only Travis could.
"Oh finally someone reacts decently!" Reece replied, which was probably the only remotely nice thing he'd ever said about Travis. But he ruined it a minute later, glaring at him.
"Shut up, this is a family thing." he told him, mad beyond words.
"My family." Reece replied darkly, but I knew his cop voice would have no effect on my Travis. This was not going to be a good day.
"Get the fuck out of this room and leave me alone with my brother." Trav said in a threatening tone.
"Trav-" I started, not wanting him to hit Reece like he looked he was about you.
"Lila, you too. Get out." he ordered and I knew I was going to get an earful about how he treated me even though I could hear the softer tone he used, and knew that he was using me to help him get everyone out of the room before he lost it completely.  "Thank you for calling me." he added before I shoved Reece out the door.
"That's the love of your life??" He asked me, narrowing his eyes.
"Jax is his brother Reece, you'd fight for him the same way if it was one of yours."
"His brother just knocked up my sister." He growled.
"Yeah and Colbie was the one who jumped him!!" I yelled back.
"Ugh. God Lila don't you think before you talk?" He made a face.
"Don't you!?" I shouted back. "You're so bullheaded!! Colbie is just as responsible for this as Jax is and you getting pissed at him isn't going to help anything!!!" Reece took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair before pacing a little.
"You're fucking feisty for being so damn little." He shook his head.
"You just learning this? You've only known me all my life." I replied, folding my arms over my chest.
"It might be more intimidating if you weren't so cute." He leaned over and kissed the top of my head and I sighed.
"You need to work less so you're not so stressed. Or maybe get laid." Reece groaned and shook his head again.
"Stop talking Lila."
Colbie
"You should talk to Jackson." Mom said again as I swallowed the sobs coming from my throat.
"Mom." I stated but then Travis ran in to the room. Great.
"As if we needed more trouble." Josh groaned.
"You have to leave this room, Jax needs to talk to Colbie." Travis said seriously, as a command. He even looked at me, almost daring me to talk. "Alone."
"Who the hell you think you are to come here and tell us what to do!!" Reece shouted back just like he always did.
"He's right." Mom said, her voice calm but steady like it was when we had fought as kids. "I suppose you're Travis, right?" She asked and just then I realized he'd never met her. Weird. Too bad I didn't have time to think about Lila's drama.
"Yes, I'm Lila's boyfriend, nice to meet you even though the circumstance's not ideal." Mom nodded and smiled at him before standing up.
"We all need some fresh air." She said as she looked at her sons who were looking at Trav instead. He stretched out his hand to Lila who took it immediately.
"Come with me." He pulled her out the door and Jax walked in, looking disheveled and concerned. He waited until we were alone before sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching for my hand.
"Baby it's still me...look at me, please."
"What are we going to do?!" I asked, looking desperately at Jackson, his handsome face looking tired and much older than he was.
"I don't know." He admitted, calming me that at least I wasn't the only one feeling so lost.
"8 weeks." I shook my head. "I know I've been feeling a little off but I never thought-" I looked up at him. "I didn't mean for this to happen I swear." I said, feeling tears fall from my face.
"Is that what you think I'm worried about? That you got pregnant on purpose?" Jax looked back at me incredulously, but when I had told Nick about Will that was one of the first things he'd asked me. Followed by if I was sure it was really his.
"I-"
"Your ex really fucked you up didn't he?" Jax asked. Reading my mind. I swallowed thickly, but honestly I felt like I was reliving the past. I couldn't put another child through this....another child who didn't deserve to have someone like me as a mother. Not to mention Will, what the hell was I going to tell him? How was I supposed to be a good example to my son if I kept making the same mistakes over and over again? "Colbie. It's time to really talk to me." He said seriously. I shook my head.
"I can't." I whispered. "We can't do this."
"This is my baby." He said seriously, a fire in his eyes I'd never seen before. He set his hand on my stomach and I sucked in a breath. It was protective and loving and everything I had never experienced. But somehow that made me feel even more confused and lost.
"I know." I nodded. "But....Jax we haven't been together long enough to know what we are. This is too soon. Way too soon. Do you even want kids?!"
"YES!" He shouted. "Look Colbie, I've never dated a woman with a kid before because I didn't think I had it in me but you are different. And not because you're worth struggling through dealing with Will but because I love Will too. You two are my family."
"You can't know that yet." I cried, the tears still coming down. "And I'm not putting Will and another child through a messy relationship that will eventually end anyways." Jax widened his eyes.
"What are you saying to me right now Colbie?" He asked.
"I don't know Jax!!!! I just found out my entire life is changing again! I have no idea what to think, what to say, what to do! This wasn't supposed to happen and I feel guilty as hell because I'm angry at this baby!" I admitted, the tears becoming sobs as I let out what I'd been thinking since the doctor told me his news.
"Colbie. Tell me you're not thinking of not keeping-" I held up my hand.
"No Jax. I would never do that." I sighed. "But I'm beginning to really understand why a woman would." Jax pulled a chair up to me and grabbed my hands.
"Baby. We can get through this. We can get through anything. But not that. We couldn't get through that. Trust me when I say no one gets over that." I looked up into his eyes so full of a fear I'd never ever seen in them.
"I wouldn't" I admitted. "But I don't know what to do."
"We raise this baby. It's ours. I want it. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more besides you."
"We work all the time Jax. We hardly have time for each other and Will not to mention a newborn!" He cupped my cheek.
"Don't you want more kids?" He asked, making my chest beat fast at the way he was touching me.
"Not like this." I whispered, pulling away. "Can you go? I want to be alone."
"No." he said stubbornly, inching the chair closer and setting his hand on me leg, "I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever."
"Please Jax...please." I begged as I started crying again.
"It's not what you need. God knows what you could think while you're alone and I wouldn't do any better either." he told me seriously. "The only way we can get through this is together."
"No, we can't. There's no way we can, it will be an awful painful mess anyway." I sobbed.
"Do you have that little faith in us?"
"It's too soon!!!" I practically shouted in his face.
"Don't you think I don't know that?! But it happened, I don't know how but it did!" he said as he finally let out some of his exasperation, "I'm just as scared as you are! I don't know how to handle this without you."
"But I don't want to be with you right now." I said and this time, I said it quietly, knowing he would listen if I didn't yell.
"What are you saying Colbie?"
"I need some time to be alone and think." I told him, looking away.
"Okay." he said as he got up, "Call me when you think you're ready to give me a chance."
"This isn't about giving you a fucking chance Jax!" I exclaimed. "This is a child! We can't just hope that we make it. It's not about chances!! My track record is 0/100 in relationships! We don't have the luxury to hold on to whatever we are now."
"Are you dumping me Colbie?" He asked, his voice showing exasperation while his eyes were hot with anger. I licked my lips, as I watched our relationship flash like a movie in my head. When had this happened? How had it happened? It wasn't fucking fair. I loved Jackson. But love had never been enough for anyone I knew.
"Yeah." I said finally, looking away to avoid the hurt in his eyes.
"You want to do this by yourself?!" He looked at me like a mad man and I lost it.
"No I don't want to fu.cking do it by myself. But I haven't woken up in a fairy tale where everything is sparkles and glitter and we're together forever with a white picket fence and 2 kids!!!!! This is the real world Jackson!!!!"
"Yeah and in the real world we're having this baby whether or not it was in our plan! You think it will be easier for us to just raise it together without being together? Is that what you want?!"
"I want this to never have happened!!!!"
"The baby? Or us." He asked simply. I blinked.
"Both." He looked almost taken aback at my words which I knew were beyond harsh. I'd said a lot of things today that were probably the worst things I'd ever said. But it's how I felt. I couldn't change that.