know everything about us

"You don't look happy." Caleb pointed out, walking up to me as I frowned at my beautiful cake.
"What?" I was shocked that anyone was there and broke into a smile when I saw him.
"What did that cake ever do to you?" He asked, shooting me a little smirk to let me know he was just teasing.
"Oh. No. The cake is perfect." I smiled. "But I made it so." I shrugged.
He laughed. "I would comment on your modesty, but I've had your cakes and they are always perfect."
I nodded. "Exactly."
He took a step closer to me and shot me a significant look. "So then why do you look upset?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Just home stuff." I shook my head and he visibly winced, so I laughed. "See you don't want to hear about it."
"No...I didn't." He sighed. "I don't want to be nosy is all." He admitted.
"You don't really seem like the nosy type Caleb." I laughed and then took a second to look over him. "You look so nice." I smiled.
"Do I usually not look nice?" He asked, looking down at his suit which was pretty similar to the ones he always wore.

"The blue in your tie brings out your eyes." I shrugged.
"Thanks." He replied and I felt like a bum next to him since I was in my apron, my hair up in a messy bun at the top of my head and no make up on.
"Shouldn't you be with a date or something?" I asked.
"Why are you always trying to get me to date?"
"I don't try to get you to date." I shook my head, leaning back against the table, my voice quiet, "It's just that it seems impossible to me that a man like you doesn't have a girl on his side."
"A man like me?" He asked, repeating my words and raising one eyebrow.
"Handsome." I explained as I decided to use that word instead of hot. Of course he was hot too, but it was so much more than that.
He let out a soft chuckle that sounded a little embarrassed as he scratched the back of his neck, "I don't want a relationship."
"So you keep saying." I paused, trying to be in a better mood for him and even offering a weak smile, "Not even for the mystery girl?"
"No and it's for the best, trust me." He answered as he made a face.
I let out a loud sigh as I hopped on the table behind me, thinking about my mysterious man and how lately he was such an enigma I had a hard time recognizing him. He was always working, always saying that we'd spend time together soon but soon never arrived, he didn't even bother to let me be part of his worries, even if they were about work and I probably wouldn't understand I was still willing to talk. And still, we acted like everything was fine, covering our frustrations and annoyance with a facade. "I trust you. Maybe it's better staying single, relationships are overrated sometimes." I said as I stared into nothing, flashes of my silent fight with John popping into my mind. I was so upset this time, I didn't even know how to handle it and it only depressed me.
"You're not sounding you." Came his response, his voice warm and soft and when I looked up at him I saw the concern into his eyes and something inside of me broke. I felt like I got to the point where I was about to explode, where I couldn't keep all my feelings bottled, and I hated it.
I bit down hard on my lip, only getting sadder that I never saw that expression into my boyfriends eyes. It wasn't that he didn't care, more like he didn't pay enough attention and underrated things. "I'm sorry I'm having a bad day." I said, trying to keep my voice in check but it creaked anyway, a tear rolling down my cheek as I bit down on my lip harder because I didn't want to break down in front of Caleb.
"Hey, Tar." He said, his voice surprised and lifting my chin, "Are you crying?"
"No." I replied stubbornly but more tears fell, no matter how hard I was trying to fight them. "I'm okay."
He gave me a look I couldn't read, then stepped between my open legs and wrapped his arms around me. And this time, I was the surprised one. "Don't cry, please." He whispered.
I gave up. His warm body too tempting for me to hold back, the care into his voice going straight to my core and making me break. "I'm sorry." I breathed out, feeling embarrassed and hiding against his chest just a moment, just enough for me to recompose myself.
"You don't have to be sorry for having emotions" He replied, saying the right thing like he always did.
"Because you have so many?" I asked, pulling away and wiping my eyes with the back of my hand as I smirked at him.
"Was that a joke?" He shot me a grin and I nodded as I wiped my eyes again.
"Fuck I'm a mess, people will be here soon." I muttered as I combed my fingers through my hair.
"You have time, the ceremony is taking forever." He admitted. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"The ceremony?" I asked and shook my head as I forced a smirk because now I was positively embarrassed and it was easier to joke. "No I'm not interested."
He smirked back at me, taking a step back awkwardly. "Not what I meant, silly." He said.
I shook my head again, this time wearing a more serious face. "No...I'm already embarrassed enough I cried in front of you." I took a deep breath, jumping down the table and redoing the bun on top of my head.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about." He said back quietly.
"But you're John's cousin I don't want you to get caught in our fights." I explained and broke eye contact, producing the lip balm out of the pocket of my jeans and putting some one.
His eyes widened and he looked genuinely surprised. "Are you guys fighting?" He asked, blinking at me.
"Oh god I'm talking too much." I muttered under my breath, "Forget I said anything. We have problems like any couple...the normal problems you don't have because you don't want a relationship."
"You can talk to me if you want...I'm your friend, not just Johns cousin." He said slowly and sounded a little uncertain.
"Don't use my words against me." I teased again, since one week ago our roles were reversed and I had pushed him to talk to me.
"I only ever quote the smartest people." Caleb replied, leaning in slightly.
"Flattery isn't going to get you anywhere."
He rose a brow at me. "Trust me Tara that if I was going to flatter you I would have much more to say."
This time I widened me eyes at him. "What..." I trailed off. "Like what?" I finished, blushing a little.
"Now you're trying to get me to flatter you?" He questioned.
"No!" I said back almost too quickly.
"Oh so you're just stalling so you don't have to talk about John." He guessed.
"Maybe." I bit down on my lip and he reached out and tugged it from my teeth before running his thumb over my lower lip. I almost shivered.
"I won't tell him if that's what you're worried about" He said almost too softly.
"...tell him?" I whispered as he pulled away and set his hand in his pocket.
"John." He said back in his normal voice. "That you're mad at him. Anything that you say would remain between us."
I blinked. "I swear sometimes I feel like you're letting me in and then two seconds later you're back to being closed off and business like."
He scratched the back of his neck akwardly. "You're stalling again" He said eventually.
"I say you are." I retorted, biting back a grin as I kept my eyes on him.
"How?!" He asked back.
I crossed my arms against my chest, letting out a fake sigh. "You just are." I said stubbornly and broke into a grin, feeling my cheeks getting pink.
He shot me a one million watt smile that was admittedly really sexy, "You're not making much sense, so I say you're wrong and I'm right."
"Impossible, I'm never wrong." I smirked wider and poked his chest with my finger, liking how we were being and liking how I was being distracted by other thoughts.
He rolled his eyes but his smile was still in place, "So what were you saying about John?" He asked, not giving up and I wasn't surprised because for how I knew him he was a very determined man. I liked that about him.
"You just put a smile on my face, I don't want to spoil the moment and talk about John." I said softly, making it sound like I was playing around but truth was? I wasn't. I already thought too much, I was an over thinker, and I was appreciating a break from my brain a lot.
He sighed, "Fine, but if you want...well, you know where to find me."
"I know where your winery is yes." I nodded as my eyes traveled from his face to his clothes, where I spotted a small stain on his shirt. I couldn't help getting closer, pushing his jacket aside just so slightly to look better, "You know, one night we should just get drunk. Or even better, you can get me drunk with your delicious wine."
He looked taken aback, glancing down at my hand then back into my eyes, "Wha-what are you doing?" He asked.
I brushed my thumb where the darker spot was, "My tears left a trace." I explained softly, noticing how hard his chest was. Did he run only? He had to work out too, he felt like marble. "Thank god I'm not wearing any makeup or your shirt would be ruined."
"I have plenty of shirts." Caleb replied in that too soft voice again. It was so sexy. "I've never seen you drunk" He pointed out.
"I'm silly." I laughed. "I've never seen you drunk either."
"I rarely get drunk" He shrugged and I wasn't surprised.
"Because you don't like losing control." I replied, shrugging.
"Yes." He agreed. "I like having his full wits about me."
"Sure, usually. But isn't it fun to let go a little sometimes and maybe do something you'll totally regret tomorrow?" I was still wiping my thumb against his shirt where my tear had been and my eyes were looking into his with mischief while I wonhdered if he had ever been able to allow some craziness in his life.
"It depends" He managed to reply.
"Depends on what?"
"If it was worth it." He answered.
I smiled and nodded. "Good answer." I took a breath, still not moving away from him and he took that moment to hug me again, but this time his whole body was in on the game. He tugged me closer, one hand on my lower back and the other cradling my head as he kissed the top of it. God I felt so protected.
"I'm sorry he made you cry." He said seriously, squeezing my body against him and meaning it.
"Mmm." I sighed, noticing how our bodies fit perfectly. "So you can hug properly."
He laughed, since he knew just how awkward he was around me sometimes and he had to realize it. "I can. I just haven't in a very long time." He admitted.
I looked up at him, smiking a little as I tried not to think about how he was wrapped around me. He was my boyfriend's cousin for christ's sake...but he was my friend too. And friends hug, even ridiculously handsome friends. "Why? Was it too hard?" I asked in a silly voice, not able to pull back because it felt too nice to be hold like that. It made me feel better.
He let out another laugh that made her chest vibrate, "No, that's not why." He said cryptically and left it at that. As usual.
"Don't you like it? Doesn't this feel nice?" I went on, sliding my arms around his waist and hugging him back as I set my cheek on his chest, letting out a content sigh and even closing my eyes.
"Yes...yes it does." I felt him relax just so slightly around me, his hand leaving my hair to travel down my back, but his voice was weird, almost unsure.
I angled my head a little, peeking up at him, "You look like you're hating it." I pointed out, teasing him because he couldn't be always this serious all the time. He needed to loosed up. "Come on, it's not that bad! I promise I won't tell anyone that you can actually hug!"
"I didn't say I hate it!" He widened his eyes at me a little. "I guess I'm not used to it anymore." He added lamely.
"That's real bad." I retorted, faking a serious face, "But you're lucky because I volunteer to help you, I promise I'll give you a hug a day until you'll feel comfortable with hugs again."
He laughed again, this time louder, making me smile because he didn't laugh enough. Or smile. And when I put a smile on his face I felt like I was doing something right. "I guess I should thank you." He said eventually.
I pulled away just so slightly, sliding my hands down his chest because well, I couldn't help it. I knew I had to pull away but god, I was only a woman, one that hadn't felt loved lately and who needed more attentions. That, and I wasn't doing anything bad. "You will when you'll get me drunk." I pointed out.
He sighed, his face going serious again, "I don't know if it's a good idea-" He cut himself off when my phone started ringing. We both glanced at the table where it was resting, John's name flashing on the screen. He took a step back, "Aren't you going to answer?"
I shook my head, kind of upset that even when he wasn't with me my boyfriend was able to ruin things. "No." I said shortly, not wanting to add anything else and wanting to go back to the part where I was laughing with Caleb instead.
"Tara..." Caleb trailed off, his tone saying it all.
"I really don't want to talk about it." I sighed.
"John...he has a tendency to take the people he loves for granted because he knows they'll always be there for him no matter what."
"I'm not his family. One day He won't be there." I said softly and hearing myself say those words hurt me. I was slowly realizing that I was giving up, and it was sad.
"You don't mean that." He choked out.
"Don't I?" I asked. "I think I'm worth more than just being his roommate he never sees."
"You are." He agreed.
"You've had a big breakup right Caleb?"
He widened his eyes and scratched the back of his neck. "I don't really want to talk about-"
"Well I didn't want to talk about John but here we are." I replied, setting my hands on my hips.
He sighed. I had a point, he had pushed the issue. "Okay." He said after a moment.
"When did the sex stop?" I asked, wondering if that was happening to me only or not.
He choked on air, looking surprised. "Um...that wasn't the problem in my marriage." He said and I did my best not to think about his ex, which I didn't like at all.
"So it stopped after the divorce or like a month before? Two months."
He nodded and swallowed thickly. "More like two months after." He replied and I shot my head towards him.
"Why?" I asked, since it made no sense to me. Well it did, but it sounded really unhealthy.
He shrugged, "It was an unhealthy relationship." He said, basically reading my thoughts.
I looked at him, trying to imagine in my mind how it could have gone. I didn't know much about his marriage and I had never asked because it wasn't any of my business, because he didn't even want to talk about it and because I had never been interested either. Until now. Now I was mostly...curious.
"You're staring." Caleb pulled me out of my daze.
I blinked my eyes at him, "I'm sorry, I was just wondering..." I trailed off, not sure of how far I could get with my questions.
"What?" He asked quickly, sounding impatient and not giving me time to make up my mind.
"How could you still sleep with her? Wasn't it hard?" I wondered out loud, but the tone of my voice was soft. I wasn't even sure if he'd answer me.
He scratched the back of his neck again, looking uncomfortable, "It was...complicated." He said back, not adding anything else.
I had the feeling he wouldn't say much more than that, so I said what I was thinking instead. "For me once a relationship is over...is over." I started, thinking about my past and my future too, "Sex out of a relationship is sad, no matter how good it can be."
"Every relationship is different." He said back and I was afraid he had taken my words in the wrong way. "Every person is different."
"Yes I know, but for me it's just too painful" I tried to explain, shaking my head, "I kept sleeping with my first ex boyfriend for so long after we broke up, and I kept hoping we could back together so everytime he reached out I went back to him, even if it was just for a night."
He studied my expression and I had the feeling he didn't know what to say, maybe he didn't even care....why was I even telling him everything? "How long?" He asked eventually, raising one eyebrow.
"Ten years." I confessed, feeling ashamed of myself because that was just so stupid. And I wasn't stupid. "I was obsessed with him and I couldn't see things straight." I added lamely.
He widened his eyes, "Ten years...s.hit. How did it end-" He cut himself off, "Did it end?"
"Of course it ended, or I wouldn't be with John." I answered, not able to look into his eyes because this was all too hard to admit, "I decided it was enough after the last time I saw him. It was just sex and it made me so sad that there was no trace of the emotions we had felt in the past. I'm not proud of that."
"I'm sorry." Caleb said seriously. "But it wasn't ever really sad with Selene..we weren't in love anymore...I'm not sure if we ever were."
"Then I'm sorry too.... But if you didn't still have feelings why would you keep hooking up?" I asked, feeling a little hypocrit even though my situation with Andy was completely different,
He thought about that answer for a moment. "It was good." He shrugged. So much thinking for such a short response.
"Is that why I did it or why you did it?"
"You're awfully curious today." He laughed a little.
"I'm sorry." I blushed and he tilted my head back up.
"I don't really mind." He said, surprising me. "It was why I did it. We were familiar and she's beautiful and it was easier to scratch that itch with her than attempting to date. I don't know why she did it. I assumed it was for the same reason but I can't read minds."
"Who finally ended it?" I asked, genuinely concerned and interested.
"I did. She started seeing another man and I didn't want her to mess it up with me."
I nodded my heading, thinking that it was a messed up situation and wondering what was their relationship right now. But I wasn't going to ask him that, it just seemed too much and I had pushed him enough for today. "It makes sense." I said simply, not sure if I meant that but hey, everyone made mistakes and I didn't know the full story anyway.
"Relationships are hard. And complicated." He paused before grinning to make the moment lighter, "That's why I don't want to have one."
I laughed lightly, shaking my head, "Yes I think I heard you say that at least one thousand times." I told him, looking into his eyes, "How it was to be married?"I asked as a second thought.
He made a face. And I realized I shouldn't have asked that. "Why do you want to know?"
"I'm curious because I want to get married one day...but maybe it's better if you don't answer." I winked at him, still thinking about what I knew about his love life. "John doesn't like your ex wife." I pointed out after a moment.
"Yeah." He sighed and I could feel how much he was hating my questions.
"Can I say one last thing then I promise I won't bring up your marriage for at least one month?" I tried, smirking a little to let him know I was done giving him the third degree.
He smirked back at my silly face, "Shoot."
"Selene is a name for hookers." I said deadpan. And he laughed, loudly, making me bit down on my lip.
"Where is this coming from?!" He asked back, amusement on his handsome scruffy face.
I shrugged even though I felt blushing, with no reason, but he looked so much hotter when he wasn't too serious. "I don't know but I think it's because of some movie I watched...I can't even remember."
He kept grinning and shook his head, "She made an impression on your too, uh?"
I shrugged, looking into his eyes, "I think you could have done better. I think you could do better actually." I said honestly.
"You're right." Caleb agreed. "We both could have. Hence the divorce."
I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. "Not what I meant."
He rose a brow and looked back at me. "You don't really know her." He pointed out.
"Oh I know. I'm just saying you're hotter than she is." I said honestly letting out the fact that she seemed fake obnoxious and awful.
"Ahh. Well that's good to know." He laughed a little, and shook his head.
"She's not your type?"
"Well she's a woman so not so much."
He laughed again and shot me a half grin. "That's really too bad." He replied.
I widened my eyes and then laughed as I shook my head. "Dear god you're such a man."
"That I am." He agreed.
"I'm just surprised that's you're type." I shrugged.
"I don't think I really have a type." He thought about it for a moment.
"That's impossible." I shook my head as I raised an eyebrow at him.
He just shrugged and ran his hand through his hair, "I'm honest."
I bit down on my lip, smirking at him and finding my hands itching to touch his golden hair but I held back, "So short ugly and fat is okay too?" I teased him.
He chucked, "I guess that beautiful is my type." He said back and winked at me. I bet he had any kind of girl at his feet.
"Oh now that makes more sense." I nodded as I faked a straight face.
He kept his smirk in place as he bore his eyes into mine. "What's your type?" He asked after a moment.
"I don't know I never really thought about it." I shrugged nonchalantly.
"Hey, I told you, now you have to tell me too." He retorted and poked my side, making me jump.
I grabbed his hand as I tried not to giggle. "Don't even start." I told him as I did my best to keep a straight face.
"Come on, tell me." He said more softly, keeping my hand in his, "Or I won't let you go."
I gave up as I thought about it. "I'd say...handsome and intense." I said after a moment.
"Intense?" He blinked at me, echoing my word. "What do you mean?"
"Like...not plain." I trailed to explain but I was failing miserably, I couldn't put that in words. It was just a vibe I got from some guys. "Not skinny either." I added as an afterthought, sounding silly probably.
He stared at me, his lips pursing together and he waited a few seconds before speaking. "Am I intense?" He asked slowly.
I felt a smile widen my lips because he was being oddly cute. "I think you are." I told him honestly. "Under all that seriousness."
"You think I'm too serious?" Caleb asked.
"Um...yeah." I laughed. He was the king of serious.
"And serious is different than intense?" He asked, his hand squeezing my soft one.
"Intense about me I mean. I think...I don't know how to describe it." I replied, my eyes not moving from his because they couldn't apparently.
"So you're saying if I was intense with you. But less serious. That would be your type?" He asked, his mouth forming the words while his thumb ran over my fingers softly.
"Oh you're definitely my type." I nodded, laughing as I looked away and the connection was gone.
"You're definitely mine too." He replied.
"That's not fair though. You said all women were."
"I said all beautiful women. And you are extremely beautiful."
My eyes were back on his and I could see he really meant that. "Thank you." I whispered, my voice sounding a little out of breath.
"Tara-" He started when my phone rang loudly again. I jumped and pulled away from him and missed the connection immediately, so fast it was unexpected.
He shook his head at the sky as I glanced at my phone. "Um. The ceremony should be ending any minute..I have to go."
I slid my phone into the pocket of my jeans as I nodded, feeling a little embarrassed even though, really, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. We were doing nothing. It was just that I wasn't used to see him like this, so....so warm. "Okay." I paused and smiled at him, "I'll see you later."
He blinked at me, looking as if he was deep into other thoughts and my words made no sense to him. "Yeah."
"I'll be the one with the cake." I teased him, trying to make the moment light when I was sure his thoughts were back to business. Hence the seriousness again.
"Right." He nodded, being awfully quiet and there was even a crease between his brows.
I nodded back, not knowing what to say at this point and watching him go away while I got a weird sense of sadness because I was going to be alone with my upsetting thoughts again. "Caleb." I stopped him.
He tuned to me, an unreadable expression on his face. I had to say that seriousness suit him though, it made him look really handsome, mysterious...intense even. "Yes?"
I walked over him, kissing his cheek and feeling like a was a silly teenager but what the hell, I think he deserved that, for being such a good friend. "Thank you." I said simply.