it's the little things baby

Monday

"Mom! Do you know where my green hat is?!" I grabbed it off the chair in the living room and finished putting his lunch box together. 

"I've got it! Don't forget sunblock!" 

"I know! Rob's mom is like obsessed with it." He rolled his eyes and I laughed. 

"That's why she has perfect skin."  I said under my breath as I heard someone honking outside. 

"They're here!" I hugged him and kissed his cheeks over and over. 

"Oh my god Mom!!!" Will grumbled as I kissed him again. 

"Have so much fun at the beach okay? I'll miss you." He rolled his eyes but then leaned up to kiss my cheek. 

"I'll miss you too." Then he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my stomach. "Don't make mom too sick Ruby." I almost started crying right there. He was going to make such an amazing brother. He ran outside and I walked with him, seeing where Adam and Liz were parked in the garage. Will hopped into the car and I walked up to the drivers side. 

"We're so glad Will could come with us!" Liz said, beaming at me. "How are you feeling?" 

"I think the worst is over thank god." I admitted, setting my hand on my stomach. "Call me if you need anything." I replied. I noticed the sad look Adam gave Liz before he looked at me again and my heart hurt. I knew how much they wanted for Jax and how much they'd hoped I could give it to him. But I was planning on doing just that. 

***

"Miss Trenton." Nick's lawyer looked just like him and I was pretty sure he was part of the same firm. 

"Mr. Holt." I gave him my best sweet smile as my own lawyer and my brother Parker followed me inside the conference room. 

"Colbie. I see you brought your brother to fight your battles as usual." Nick replied, narrowing his eyes at me even though I knew how much Parker frightened him. The only person that didn't get intimidated by him that I'd seen was Jackson. 

"He's here because he wouldn't stay home." I replied sweetly. "But he's not here to fight any battles."

"All right. Should we get started?" his lawyer asked. I shook my head. 

"Sure. You can have the house." 

"What?" Nick's eyes widened. 

"For market value." I replied. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I'm selling it. It's worth 650,000 when I had it inspected. I'll take anything above 640." Nick shook his head. 

"Are you trying to sell me my own house?" He laughed. 

"You haven't lived there in 6 years Nick. I have a lawyer here just so he makes sure everything here is legally finished but I'm setting the rules." 

"Colbie-" 

"No." I interrupted him. "When I got pregnant you doubted me, you asked me to get rid of it and then you begged me to marry you. Then you cheated on me and left me with our 6 year old son and we haven't heard from you since. You're a peice of shi.t and I never want to have to hear or see or think about you again after today." 

"We have a son together." 

"NO." I replied. "If you EVER want to see the boy you call a son who you abandoned for NO good reason you're going to have to work really damn hard beacuse I can get a judge to deny you even visitation with your history, besides the years of child support you should have been sending." 

"Don't you threaten me Colbie." 

"It's not a threat. It's a fact. Will doesn't see you as his father. He cried when he found out you wanted the house!!! He cried when he found out he might have to spend time with you!!! Do you even remember his birthday? His favorite food? Do you know how smart he is?" 

"I'm trying to be better." 

"Good. If you want to be a better father that means maybe you've grown. You can see him the week of his birthday IF you bring a present and spend the entire time getting to know him. We'll start there." 

"Fine." he narrowed his eyes. "You've never been like this before." Damn right I hadn't but I was sick of letting him haunt my life. I looked to my lawyer who handed me some papers. 

"Sign this. Right now." I said, pushing over the divorce papers. "You know just as well as I do that if we were to really go to court with everything you've done you would leave with less than nothing. Let me go Nick. You never wanted me anyways." He sighed and grabbed the papers, and I felt more than free as I saw him signing them. 

"You're wrong about one thing. I always wanted you. I just knew you were too good for me. So I left first." I swallowed as I struggled to find the words. 

"Huh. That's the first honest thing I've heard you say." Parker commented. 

"If you want the house I'm putting it on the market next week." I replied, putting the papers away and walking out the door, straight to my next errand. 

Monday Night

"Colbie?" Mrs. Cole was a beautiful woman, I envied her flawless skin and tall willowy body and hoped I aged half as well as her. 

"Hi Mrs. Cole." I smiled and I watched as she teared up when she noticed my stomach. I had changed from my flowy dress into a more comfortable jeans and tee shirt and my baby bump was evident. 

"Oh....you look so beautiful." She admitted as she wrapped me in her arms. 

"Who's at the door?" Mr. Cole came up to us and he smiled when he saw us. "Ahh my favorite realtor....and our new grandaughter." He grinned so wide and I saw Jax in his smile. 

"Hi." 

"Come in come in! Would you like something to drink?" I nodded. 

"Thank you." She got me some tea and we sat on the couch. 

"I guess you're wondering why I'm here...." I started off. 

"We had an inkling you might show up sooner or later." Mrs. Cole replied, a knowing smile on her face. 

"I don't know what Jackson told you about our break up, but I know he sugarcoated it." I admitted. "He didn't want you to resent me. But it WAS my fault." I had to get through this without crying but I didn't know how. "I could blame it on a lot of things but the truth is I was a coward." 

"Colbie...." Mr. Cole trailed off but I shook my head. 

"I'm going to try and do everything I can to make it right." I promised. "I love your son." I whispered. 

"We know you do." Mrs. Cole said. "Jax is a Cole though which means hes stubborn as hell." 

"Hey." his dad smirked at his wife and my heart tugged at the love between them. 

"You know I'm right." She replied. "You're going to have to bring your A game if you want to make things right. And you better." I smiled even at the small threat. 

"Trust me. I'm going to." 

Tuesday

"Damn who's the lucky recipient of these?" The mail currier I'd hired smiled at the bouqet of beers from a local brewery. 

"That would be my baby daddy." I smirked and then laughed at my own words. 

"Lucky man." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the card and wrote on it quickly. 

"Jax,

Remember the Green Mill Brewery I took you to and we had the flight of beers that you've said were the best you've ever tasted? Well here's the full size. Enjoy them double for me since I can't drink them. ;) 

I love you

-Colbie" 

I handed him the card and paid him to be quick before giving him the address of Jax's new office....then I headed to see my realtor. 

Wednesday

I put the picture of Will and Jax from when we all went to the beach in the fancy frame I'd bought and almost teared up looking at it. Damn hormones. 

"Jax,

Thank you so much for being such an amazing example of what a man should be for Will. You make him so happy. Hopefully this is a good picture for your new desk ;) 

I love you, 

-Colbie

Thursday

"So that totals out to 79.95." The young girl at the sandwich shop said. "I love your outfit." She added, smiling up at me. 

"Thanks." I grinned, handing her a ten dollar tip. "Keep the change. And when you deliver everything can you add this card?" 

"Sure." She nodded. 

"Awesome, let me write something quick?" 

"Jax,

You were the first person to introduce me to the best sandwiches in the city. Hope you and your new staff has time to eat all the goodies. 

I love you,

-Colbie" 

Friday

"And you haven't heard anything back from him?!" Lila asked, her eyes wide as she shook her head. 

"No. But that's okay, I'm not going to give up." 

"Good for you." She smiled. "Pregnancy definitley suits you. Parker won't stop talking about how you took on Nick." I made a face. 

"Ugh let's not talk about him." I shook my head. "He's officially in my past. I'd rather focus on the future." 

"Like my little baby niece who I'm going to spoil to death?!" Lil asked as she talked directly to my stomach." 

"Yes. That same niece whos making me need to buy new clothes." I grumbled. 

"You love buying new clothes!!!" Lila protested. 

"I'm fat now!!!" Lila laughed and shook her head. 

"You're ridiculous. What are you going to send him today?" I smiled and pulled out the little girls San Fransisco Giants jersey. "Oh my god that's so cute!!!" I grinned, adding the card as we stopped in Jax's office building and I left it with the door man. 

"Jax,

Our little one might be a girl but I know she's a Giant's fan just like her Daddy. Can't wait to all go to games together. (Will picked this one out!) Good way to start her wardrobe right? 

I love you....I miss you. 

-Colbie." 

Saturday

My back was killing me. A mix of the silly baby making me fatter and fatter and my boobs bigger and bigger. I could barely stand up and my doctor told me to just take it easy for a day to get back my strength but I was restless. I wanted to talk to Will and Jax about what I’d had planned, I wanted; I heard a knock on my door before the last person I expected walked in.

"Morning Colbie." he said quietly. I pulled myself up into a sitting position as I stared at him.

"Jax..what- why are you here?"

"Will asked me the same thing." He smiled a little. I guess that was better than being angry. "I wanted to thank you and see if you and Will are okay."
"We're fine. And you're welcome...I'm happy you liked my gifts." I said then groaned a little, "Oh my god I'm sure I look like hell."
"You look beautiful as usual." He reassured me and I could hear in his voice how genuine he was being. "Here. For you and Ruby." he added as he handed me a box of chocolates. My stomach grumbled. “But with this we're done. You don't have to send me something everyday...as nice as it was.”

"If I do nice things for you? It's because I want to, not because I need to." I said seriously, ignoring the pain in my back and trying to focus on Jackson.
"Colbie-"
"How's work?" I asked, changing the subject quickly because I already knew I hadn't done enough. I had so much more to prove, but I did t want to hear him turn me down when I hadn't yet given it my best shot.
"Good" he smiled and ran his hand through his hair. "I have a really great team, we just need to get some projects started."
"I have someone who's looking to restore a 100 year old house nearby." I offered.
"Great!.That's just the kind of thing I'm looking for. Something to put us on the map."
"Want to see the house?" I grabbed my iPad off my bedside table and scrolled until I found it. "It's an old Victorian. Beautiful and so much character but it needs a lot of work."
"I know this place." Jax said as he scrolled through the pictures. "I've always thought it could be brought back to life. Is the owner looking to flip it? Or live in it?"
"Definitely live in it." I replied. "What do you think?" Jackson scrubbed his hand over his face but I could see the look in his eyes. The one Lila got when she was painting or Josh right before a swim meet. Excitement, hope, passion.
"It would be a huge project. Can you give the owner my number? I'd have to really talk it over."
"I already have your number." I replied and bit down on my lip as I let him take in my words.

"Did you buy that house? Really?" he asked slowly as he raised a brow and looked at me with an emotion I couldn’t quite read but wasn’t worried about it since I was so excited.

 "Yes." I paused, "So, are you going to take the job?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea." Jax sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, but I knew him. He was almost drooling at the photos of my new/old house.

"Why not?" I asked with a shrug.

"Because I'd mix my job with my personal life and lately all we do is fight and argue, so..." he trailed off, not needing to add much more. I reached out for his arm and squeezed it.

"I promise no more fighting and no more arguing." I said soundly. "I want you to restore my house, not anyone else."

"Why?" Jax asked as if it wasn’t obvious.

"Because you're the best and I wouldn't trust anyone else."

"Thank you." he offered a smile, and I could see I was getting through the hard shell he’d put up. "I have to think about it." I leaned back against my pillow, setting my hands on my belly over my baby.

"What's to think about, just say yes Jax."

"I should see how's the inside of the house first." He replied, almost too professionally.

"Thank you!!" I threw my arms around Jax without thinking and for a second he hugged me back. I felt dizzy on the scent of him, not cologne like most of the men I'd dated before him, but like body wash and just...Jax. I must have made a sound because he pulled away quickly.
"Colbie."

"I'm sorry. Fu.ck it just feels so good to be in your arms." I admitted, shrugging slightly as I leaned back.

"I don't know what to say to that."

"Say you'll see me tomorrow at the house?" Jax looked at me for a moment and I wished like hell I knew what he was thinking.

"I will."

Sunday
I pulled up to the house at the same time I saw Jax's truck turn onto the road. We both parked and I grabbed the coffee's I'd picked up after I'd dropped Will off at his game.
"Hi." I smiled brightly at Jackson who looked so fu.cking gorgeous in a simple tee shirt and light jeans. "One cream and one sugar." I smiled as I handed him a cup and he looked at me warily before taking it.
"Thanks." He looked up at the house and I felt pride swelling. The moment I'd seen this house I knew I wanted to live in it. Then I'd brought Will and even he'd said it was really cool and he loved the neighboorhood because Rob and a few of his other friends lived close.
"Want to walk through?" I asked, so tempted to grab his hand but knowing it wouldn't be well received.
"Let's do it."
"Have I mentioned how well your as.s fills out a pair of jeans?" I asked, not afraid to play a little dirty in my attempt to show Jackson how much he meant to me.
"Stop." "Seriously though." I whistled and he turned to me with a glare.
"If I'm working for you? You're not allowed to say things like that." I smirked and took a step closer to him.
"Should I be afraid of a sexual harassment charge?" I teased. He just growled and turned away.
"If you don't want me to compliment you you shouldn't be so good looking." I shrugged.
"You have got to be the most stubborn woman I've ever met." He mumbled as I walked through the house. Hypocrite. The front hallway was adorable, with a little bench and hooks to hang coats and it opened into a large living room with a big kitchen and even a sun room. But it needed a lot of work. The floors were stained and broken apart and there was clearly water damage and foundation that needed repair. But I still loved it.
"Wouldn't you love to live here?" I asked, smiling as I pictured the room all fixed up with Will running around playing with his new baby sister. He shook his head as he looked around, his brain working at a million miles a minute.

"No." he said simply and headed to the living room. "What do you want to do with the fireplace?"

"Restore it." I said with no hesitation because it was beautiful. Or at least it could be. "Why not?"

"Too big for me and my baby." Jax answered in monotone, almost automatically, because he was already walking to the kitchen which admittedly was an absolute mess. "There's surely a problem with the water system. Probably with the electrical one too." He said, his eyes scanning the room from top to bottom. Watching him work was really something.

"And with me?" I asked, ignoring his words completely.

"We're not together anymore so there's no reason to even imagine that." he groaned and when he finally looked at me he cut off what I was about to say. "Colbie, if you don't focus on this I'm not going to take the job."  

I shrugged.

“It's a nice thought to indulge in. Us, our kids, the fireplace..." I trailed off softly and Jax glared at me.

"Last chance to give me your attention Colbie." he warned, walking past me as we went upstairs.

"I think the foundation needs a fix." I said finally. Jax’s eyes scanned the cracks.

"Nothing big here, you're lucky." He commented. “Tell me what else you want."

"You never talked to me like this...your business tone is almost a little rude...it's sexy." I admitted, licking my lips and wishing he’d boss me around in other ways besides just telling me to be quiet.

"Colbie." He groaned. "Show me upstairs before I change my mind."

"If you wanted to see my bedroom you only had to ask." I smirked and he groaned again. I knew he was frustrated, but I kind of liked that sound. "The railing and this staircase is one of my favorite parts of this house....I know it's a little broken down but I'd love to just restore it."
"It might be expensive to match the woodworkign here." He pointed towards the spindles and I nodded.
"I don't care what it costs." He looked up at me and blinked. "I have a really good realtor. I got an excellent deal on the house." I led him into the master bedroom which was my absolute favorite part of the whole house. It was big and spacious with vaulted celings and the most adorable balcony off of a little reading nook in the corner. The master bathroom needed to be completely redone but it was just what I wanted to come home to at night.
"This is incredibe Colbie." Jax admitted.
"I don't want to change much." I admitted. "Just update everything, make sure the balcony is safe so I can have my coffee there in the morning, or rock Ruby at night."
"It's perfect."
"It would be more perfect to come home to you too." I admitted, my voice losing the flirty note to it as it because more vulnerable. "To watch you rocking our daughter on the balcony." The minute I said the words I felt movement in my stomach and my hand flew to where my daughter was resting. "Oh my god she just kicked!" I smiled and looked up at Jax who's whole face lit up.
"What?!" he rushed up to me and I set my hand against the same spot where she kicked against me again. My stomach flipped and my heart squeezed as I shared this special moment with the man I so desperately needed for more than just my contracter. For everthing. I needed him for everything.
"Wow." He whispered and when he looked back up into my eyes I saw such a sparkle in them I reached up and held his face in my hands before I pressed my lips against his. For a few glorious seconds he was kissing me back, holding me, feeling so good I could cry. But then he pulled back, holding my hands to pull them away from where they’d been holding his face.

"Colbie."

"Jax please I need you." I admitted, wrapping my arms around him and hiding my face in his chest. Didn’t he feel how perfectly we fit together? This house was beautiful but it wasn’t home without him. Didn’t he feel that? He rubbed my back gently and spoke softly.

"I'm going to be here for you and Will and Ruby always." He paused when I pulled back to look up at him. "But not like this."

"We'll be good."

"You better or I won't be so accommodating." Jax pulled back and I rolled my eyes.

"You can't threaten me."

"I'm not, I'm warning you." He shrugged, walking around the house again. "This one is for Will I guess." he said stepping into a room that was smaller than mine but still big.

"Yes, he picked it himself.” I smiled.

"I'll come back with him tomorrow so that he can tell me what he wants to do with it." Jax shrugged and my heart expanded even when it felt like it was close to breaking too.

"Good idea." I smiled and tried to keep my heartbreak at bay. It wasn't over yet. I wasn't giving up. We might not be a fairy tale or a romantic movie but we were better. And I was determined that we would have our happy ending.
"This one is for the nursery." I said softly as we walked into the small bedroom just off the master.
"I guessed." He said softly, looking around at the smallest room with the big bay windows and I knew he was picturing the nursery the same way I was.
"I don't want it to be too girly." I admitted. "I hate the whole pink for girls blue for boys thing."
"Me too." he agreed.
"I think it should be classy instead. A white bassinet, a few rocking chairs, matching changing table. Maybe striped wallpaper or something fun.
"Are you sure you're a realtor and not an interior designer?" He asked, smirking over at me and for a moment I felt the same Jax that had just kissed me in the room I so much wanted to share with him.
"I've picked up a few things over the year."
"There are 5 bedrooms in this house." He pointed out as he walked through.
"I want more kids someday." I replied and his head snapped back to me.
"You want 4 kids?" I shrugged.
"I love being a mom." I replied. "And I love you." I added, watching his face break again.
"I don't think I can do this Colbie." He replied, his voice cracking slightly.
"How can you not see that we're everything together?" I whispered. "I know I hurt you, I know I ran away when things got real but Jackson I LOVE you. Will loves you! You want to put Ruby first but how confused is she going to be knowing her parents love each other but aren't together?"
"It's not worth the risk anymore." I shook my head.
"It IS worth it. You are worth fu.cking everything. Don't you hear me? Do you not believe? If you don't love me anymore I'll stop but I feel your love in every look Jax. I'm never going to let anything in my past or future ruin that."

"Do you love me Colbie?" he asked finally. I nodded quickly.

"Of course I do."

"If you do, just let me go. Let me live without reminding me every five f.ucking minutes what I've lost because of you." He groaned and I could feel his hurt. He didn’t have to feel that. "I feel like I can't breathe sometimes."

"Are you going to take the job or not?" I asked.

"No, I don't think I can."

"Fine, I'll call some other guy who'll ruin this beautiful house." I shrugged, playing super dirty but I didn’t fu.cking care.

"Fine.” He groaned. “I'll do it. But I need you to promise you won't be around too much because I need to focus. That and it wouldn't be safe for a pregnant woman anyway." he said seriously and I pursed my lips together. "Colbie."

"Okay, okay! I promise."

"Good." he nodded as we headed back outside, "I'll call you as soon as I'll have more details like how long it's going to take and the costs."
"Mhm I can't wait." I said seriously.

"Don't make me regret it."