I glanced at Will as I caught him look around, his eyes not on the TV screen anymore. "What are you thinking about?" I asked after swallowing a sip of beer.
He shrugged, looking back at me. "I like this place, it's pretty cool." He commented simply. "Did you bring mom here too?"
"Yeah, once." I answered quietly, rethinking about the first time I had made love to Colbie. I had never been to the cabin after that, until a few days back when I had moved in since my house wasn't mine anymore. "Next time you come if it's not cloudy at night I'll show you how good you can see the stars from here." I added with a smile, trying to think about more positive things. "Or we can get up early and see the sun rise before going out with the boat."
He shrugged, looking back at me. "I like this place, it's pretty cool." He commented simply. "Did you bring mom here too?"
"Yeah, once." I answered quietly, rethinking about the first time I had made love to Colbie. I had never been to the cabin after that, until a few days back when I had moved in since my house wasn't mine anymore. "Next time you come if it's not cloudy at night I'll show you how good you can see the stars from here." I added with a smile, trying to think about more positive things. "Or we can get up early and see the sun rise before going out with the boat."
"What about we do that tomorrow?" He asked with a big grin, showing his enthusiasm like he usually did. I liked that about Will, he never hid anything, he was a good kid.
"You have school tomorrow." I pointed out and shook my head, kind of wanting to laugh at myself for how serious I sounded. But I was a father now and right now I could make no exceptions or break rules. Maybe when things would be more stable I'd do it. "And I have to work."
"I could spend the night here anyway." He shrugged stubbornly, always going for what he wanted.
"And leave mom alone?" I asked him as I made him reason. "No kid, she can't be left alone."
"You could stay with her instead." He muttered under his breath and I wished I could or that he could understand at least. But no matter how mature he was, he was still a 14 year old boy.
I ignored that because I knew there was no use in arguing, "We can do it next weekend. I'll ask aunt Lila to babysit mom."
"Ha!" He let out a laugh, "Don't say that to mom, she's hate to feel babysat."
I grinned at him and finished my beer, before getting up and glancing at my watch. "Get ready, I'm taking you home."
"Already?!" He protested, sighing. Then he paused and furrowed his brows. "I think moms going to pick me actually."
I let out a groan and bit down on my tongue not to curse. "Let me call her, I don't want her to drive all the way here." I shook my head but as soon as I dialed Colbie's number we heard a knock on the door. "Too late." I said and made a face, heading to the door to open it.
"Hi. I came for Will." She told me as she looked at me with those big eyes. God.
I narrowed my eyes on her, "You shouldn't have driven here alone."
"Why? I'm a grown up woman." She shrugged as she brushed past me, holding her belly, "Very grown up."
"Because it's night and the road is poorly lighted and you're pregnant with my daughter." I pointed out seriously, doing my best not to lose it since Will was listening.
She ignored me and went to Will, kissing his cheek, "Hi baby, how was your night?" She asked him.
"Great." He smiled wide, "Jax cooked a giant steak and a ton of fries."
She shot me an amused look and I just shrugged. "We were hungry." I said as if I needed to explain anything.
"Mom Jax said I can sleep here if I want to." Will added.
"Tonight?" She asked and raised one eyebrow at him.
"No." I said while Will lit up and turned his head to me.
"You said not tonight because you didn't want mom to be alone, but she's with us so..." He trailed off as he grinned wide.
I didn't have the heart to say no to him, not now, not when he looked so excited for something so small and simple. "If she's okay with that...I can sleep on the couch and you and Will can take the bedroom." I finished the sentence looking at Colbie, waiting for her reaction.
Colbie blinked back at me. I had no idea of what she could be thinking right now. "Next time you come over you can spend the night." She told Will, watching him pout.
"But Jax says the sunrise here is awesome!" He exclaimed. "You love watching the sunrise mom!"
"Do you?" I asked, looking into her eyes and wondering how many things I didn't know about her.
She gave me a half smile. "Nothing better than sipping a hot cup of coffee and watching the sunrise." She admitted with a shrug.
"Decaf coffee." I replied. What was with these Trenton girls and coffee I had no idea, they were obsessed if not addicted.
She scrunched up her face. "Decaf coffee is practically pointless....worst thing about being pregnant." She sighed.
"What about wine?" Will asked. "You love wine."
She widened her eyes and then laughed. "Not as much as I love coffee. Come on kid." She replied and yawned as Will grabbed his stuff with a grumpy face.
"You're not leaving." I said finally.
"What?"
"Look at you you're exhausted. It's not safe. I don't mind sleeping on the couch." I said honestly. Most of the nights I fell asleep on the couch anyway.
"No I'll sleep on the couch." She replied quickly and I glared at her. She sighed, getting the message even if I wasn't talking. "Fine."
"Or you could just both sleep in bed." Will suggested.
Colbie glanced at me as I scratched the back of my neck. God. "Why don't you go pick out a movie. But when it's done it's bedtime."
"Hell yes!" Will grinned and walked over to the other side of the room where DVD's were displayed on the shelves.
"Thanks." Colbs said softly. "I brought you something." I rose a brow as she reached into her bag.
"It's a tie." I commented.
"It'll match your eyes." She said softly. "Since you're the boss now I'm guessing you'll have to be fancy sometimes." She smirked and I laughed.
"I guess that comes with the job huh? Thanks."
"If you're meeting with girls though you'll have to be careful. I'm sure you're lethal in a suit."
I shook my head. "You didn't have to buy me a tie..." I trailed off, ignoring the flirty tone of her voice. We were with Will, we couldn't go there.
"Maybe I'm hoping to see you wear it." She said back softly.
"You will." I told her and smiled before kissing the top of her head. "Get comfortable Colbs."
"I don't have my pj with me." She pouted as she looked up at me through her lashes.
"I don't either." Will cut into the conversation, letting us know that he was listening to us. I had to watch my mouth.
I grinned, heading to my bedroom. "I'll give you two something of mine." I shook my head to myself while I grabbed Colbie's fave t-shirt and another random one paired with shorts for Will.
"Jax?" I heard Colbie's voice behind me and I turned to her. "Do you want to feel the baby?"
"Yes." I widened my eyes because that was something I would never get used to. My daughter kicking against my hand. I watched Colbie as she peeled off her oversized dress and I nearly died at the sight of her body. God her boobs were huge. They looked so damn soft.
"Come here." She whispered and grabbed my hand, set it on her tummy. A moment later I felt her and I grinned like an idiot. "She knows it's you, her dad."
"Really?" I asked, blinking at her as she nodded. I bent over her and kissed just above her navel. "I can't wait to meet you baby girl."
"You're going to make me cry." Colbie breathed out and when I pulled back she laughed.
"No crying." I grinned at her cute face as I handed her the t-shirt. "I hope this one is comfortable enough, if it's not you can pick one yourself."
"Um.." Colbie trailed off.
"What?" I groaned. "Fuck Colbie please put on the top."
She glanced down at the top in her hands as if she had no I idea what I was talking about. "It's just with my stomach it will barely cover my ass." She admitted, blushing.
"Oh." I said like an idiot, still looking at her body and biting my tongue because there was nothing wrong with a t-shirt not covering her ass. Only there was.
"Jax?" She laughed and I pulled away muttering under my breath before reaching in my drawer and grabbing a pair of gym shorts, tossing them at her. "Thanks." She smiled and slipped into them, taking her time before covering her chest.
"I know what you're doing." He grumbled.
"Is it working?" She teased, finally pulling the top over her head.
I shook my head. "No."
"Can we watch Men in Black?" Will called through the doorway.
"Seriously? Alien guts?" She replied as she walked out and I handed Will some clothes.
"The third one isn't that bad!" He protested and Colbie laughed.
"Okay fine."
"Good choice." I ruffled Will's hair, lying because that was the lame shit Adam loved but I didn't. "You go change, I'll make popcorn."
"Jax?" Will stopped me in my tracks and made a face, "Can you stop doing that please? It ruins my hair."
Colbie's eyes widened while I blinked at him. Then laughed, hard. "Okay, don't worry. Your hairs safe." I grinned at him before finally heading to the kitchen where I stuffed a bag of popcorn into the microwave and pour myself a glass of scotch because well, a full night with Colbie? I needed a drink.
"Do you need help?" Her voice surprised me. And her eyes caught me. "What are you doing?" She asked, brow raised and amused expression in place.
"I'm making popcorn." I shrugged, downed my drink like it was water and set the empty glass into the sink.
"What was that?" She asked in a teasing voice.
"Iced tea." I smirked at her because we both knew it wasn't.
"Mhm...can I have some?" She smirked back at me, cocking her head to the side and licking her lips.
I shook my head, grabbing a bowl as the microwave pinged, "Nope. You can't drink anything with caffeine."
She took a step closer to me, setting one hand on my chest and leaning into me, "You smell of whiskey." She said slowly.
I wasn't going to lie, her proximity mixed with the fact that for once we weren't yelling at each other was killing me. I loved how her body was transforming, it getting even more curvy and she looked so soft all over, not to mention how her eyes shined. "I don't know what you're talking about." I grinned at her and kissed her nose before pulling away to go back to the other room where Will was waiting for us, already sitting on the couch. "Here, all for you." I told him, handing him the bowl before taking a seat to the other side of the couch, leaving the place in the middle for Colbie.
"I'm barely going to fit on that couch." Colbie joked, making me roll my eyes but Will stood up and went to sit on the chair next to the couch.
"There you go."
Colbs finally took a seat next to me then she leaned her back against the couch, not saying a word but she looked weird...both out of breath and blushing. Was that normal?
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Just thinking about the last time I was here." She admitted, giving me a significant look. Damn, not what I was expecting.
I just swallowed and ingored her, pretending to watch the movie instead.
"Will we still be able to watch movies like this when Ruby is born?" Will asked.
I nodded. "Of course. Babies like movies." I joked.
"Yeah but Ruby's a girl. We probably won't like the same movies." He shrugged.
"I think she'll probably think that everything her big brother likes is awesome instead." Colbs assured him, making him smile.
"I am pretty awesome." He replied, making her roll her eyes while I was laughing.
"Careful or you'll start to sound like Rob." I winked at him.
As Will got more into the movie there were no more questions but I couldn't focus on the TV screen, my eyes were there but my mind wasn't. I kept thinking about my job, about Ruby, Will, Colbie...I had so much to do and it was exhausting. I was happy with how I was handling everything though, it was just bittersweet because it would've been better with Colbie as my girlfriend. Or fiancé. Or wife. I tried to keep that thought away, but sometimes, when I was too tired to keep it buried somewhere, it came back.
I felt Will's eyes on me and I looked back at him, "What?" I asked him and he shushed me, pointing his finger at his mom while he grinned. She was sleeping and looked like a gorgeous angel. "I hope your sister is as cute as your mom." I whispered to him as I brushed my thumb against her cheek carefully and saw Will smile before we both went back to watch Will Smith and his alien stuff.
"Jax..." I heard a voice coming afar, it was small and I wasn't sure if it was real. I had fallen asleep. As my mind realized that my eyes opened and I found myself still on the couch but with Colbie all cuddled on my side and Will nowhere in sight. The movie was over and the TV was off too. I stretched my arm slowly, wrapping it carefully around Colbie's body because I couldn't resist. She was so warm, so soft, so beautiful. "Wait." She muttered and I mentally cursed because it wasn't my intention to wake her. "Will's in the next room."
I blinked down at her, her eyes still closed and her mouth curved into a small pout before it turned into a big, no, huge smile. "Jax...I love you." She whispered softly and I realized she was probably dreaming, even though her words still hit me hard.
I cupped her cheek gently, "Colbs...you fell asleep. Wake up, you have to go to bed." I whispered as I held her in my arms because f.uck me I wasn't made of stone.
"Mhm." Came her response.
"Colbie." I said a little louder but still quiet, kissing her forehead.
This time she opened her eyes slowly, blinking up at me. "Is this real?" She asked in a barely audible tone but didn't move an inch.
"Yes...I think you were dreaming." I said back, nodding.
"Oh." She commented and looked really upset, her bottom lip trembling just so slightly and her eyes getting watery. What?
I lifted her chin, hating to see her like this no matter the circumstances. "What were you dreaming about?"
"I...you..." She trailed off and shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. It had to be bad. Or sad. Or both.
I swallowed and set my forehead against hers as I took a deep breath, my hand angling her head. "Don't cry..." I whispered and before I knew it my lips were capturing hers in a slow gentle kiss that was as comforting for her as it was for me.
"How could I ever have doubted us?" Colbie choked out against my lips.
"Why did you?" I asked, my forhead against hers and my words sounding pained.
"Because I'm a fool." She whispered. "You're so good." She held my face and kissed me again.
"Colbie." I stopped her. The thing was, when I was with her and mostly now that I kissed her, everything came back to me, all the good, but all the bad too. I wasn't over all the hurt just yet.
"We fell in love so fast. I didn't know it could happen like that."
I looked down into her eyes and swallowed, thinking about how fast and intense our relationship had started. But what do they say? The faster you are the faster you burn. "Me either."
She ran her fingers through my hair and down to my neck. "I never deserved you....how could you love me when I was always running like a scared little girl?"
"Because I saw past that to who you really are. You put up a wall Colbie, that you have to be perfect and strong all the time, and when you fail you think that you fail at everything and you hide from it. It's okay to be human." I told her simply.
"You understand me better than anyone I've ever met." She admitted. "But you were right. I was too selfish. You deserve to be loved unconditionally Jackson."
"Colbie...." I trailed off, not wanting to listening anymore.
"I dreamed we were married. I don't think I'd ever felt so happy....and its crazy because it's too soon and too fast for me to even think about that, even if we were still together. It's silly the things I was scared of are the things I want the most."
"I'm sorry I woke you..." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say but it was as if she had just punched me in the stomach.
"Can you tell me how you feel? About us..about our future. I'll listen...I swear I won't argue or anything. I just want to know....how do we raise a family apart when we're desperate to be together....at least one of us."
"I...I don't know." I shook my head, looking away and feeling awful. She wasn't the only one to have fears and now the fact that my future was a giant black hole I couldn't look into made me feel so restless, because I wasn't the only one I had to think about. Before Colbie I had never thought about my future, I had no worries, but I wasn't as happy as I had been with Colbie. Even right now, with all the problems we had, I was happy. Troubled, but happy.
"You don't know how you feel?" She asked quietly, adjusting her head against my chest and looking up at me.
I shook my head, because that was something I had never questioned. "I still love you Colbie, I never stopped. I don't know if I ever will to be honest." I admitted.
She sucked in a deep breath and I could tell she was holding back. "What don't you know?" She asked a second later.
"I don't know how we raise a family without being together. I want to do it the right way for the kids, but I have no idea of how to do that." I paused as I slid my hand under her t-shirt and set it on her stomach, making Colbie shiver and Ruby kick. "It keeps me up at night, I can't find a solution. I considered to buy a house next to yours so that we wouldn't have to force our kids to go back and forth between us...it'd be easier even if still complicated."
"Why can't we just be together? You said you still love me...and you know that I love you." She said, this time not sounding as obsessed as she usually did.
"I just can't right now. I have other things to figure out and even though I believe that you love me I still don't trust you enough." I explained calmly, rubbing her stomach.
"But you could? One day?" She asked, her big eyes full of hope.
I swallowed because I didn't know how to answer that. "I went on a date." I told her instead, because someone else could. She looked horrified. "I thought about you the whole time." I added, being honest.
"A date?" Colbs asked, for a moment I thought she was about to throw up. "Like dinner, drinks, naked and sweaty date?"
I shook my head. "I didn't sleep with her Colbie."
"Why? Why would you do that?"
I rose a brow. "Because I'm single? Because I need to know that I can have a normal life Colbie."
"That's what you see your future as? Dating someone else? Falling in love with another woman?" She asked quickly.
"What did you think would happen when you dumped me?!" I asked back.
"That's not what I meant to do Jax, I just meant to take some time apart to figure out what having this baby meant to us. I just didn't want to rush into anything. I didnt' want you to feel obligated to me just because we were pregnant."
"I thought you didn't want to argue." I retorted.
She shook her head, as stubborn as always. "I don't. I really don't. I know it seemed like I was just thinking about me but Jackson when the doctor told me I was pregnant and I processed it?"
"I know Colbie. You thought the past was repeating itself, you compared me to Nick, blah blah." I groaned.
"No. I mean yes. In a way. But I was thinking that I couldn't believe I had done this to someone else again. Nick was an epic asshole. I know it. But it was partly my fault too. I trapped him in a family life he never wanted. I partially made him into what he was. I didn't want to do that to you."
I blinked back at her for a moment. Had she just said that? Really? "It's not your fault that Will doesn't have a father."
"I just wanted to be sure we were together for the right reasons." She replied, pushing her ex out of the conversation for once.
"You should have said that." I replied.
"I know. I'm trying to fight for you Jax. But if moving on is what you want I'll try to let you." She said seriously.
"I don't think that moving on is that easy." I paused and collected my thoughts, trying not to say something I could regret just because I had her in my arms now. "I'm not even sure if it's possible at all. It's not like we broke up and I'll never see you again. I'll see you always instead."
"I wish you could give us another chance..." She trailed off and for the first time I could see her reason like a mature woman and not like a freaked out girl.
I sighed, still holding her against me. We were finally talking like adults. "I would've wait for you...but you cut me off completely."
"I know." She commented quietly, sadness in her voice.
"I'm not going to date other women Colbs." I started and she looked up at me, relief evident on her face. "I can't promise you anything...I need time. Space too. We have to put our kids first."
She smiled at me, her hand dropping on my forearm and running up and down slowly. "I love how you say our kids as if Will is yours too."
I returned the smile. "We might not share blood but you already know how much I love him."
She nodded, cuddling against me, and she looked more peaceful than I had seen her during the last weeks...if not months. "What are we going to do now?" She asked after a moment.
"Sleep." I answered simply. "I'm going to finish Will's room tomorrow but don't tell him. It's a surprise."
"You're amazing with him." She paused then shot me a grin. "Are we going to sleep together?"
I let out a chuckle, "No Colbie. I doubt Will would like to share the bed with us anyway." I smirked back at her, my eyes dropping down on her lips as the need of her grew strong again. Being mad was a lot easier.
"Do it." Colbie whispered, reding my ming. I groaned, a sound that was deep and almost aching as I gripped her hair and kissed her, my mouth taking hers forcefully, posessively. she slid her hands under my tee to press against my skin.
"I do love you." She said in between deep strokes of my tongue into her mouth. "I swear."
"I know you do." I replied, kissing her lips softly again and then pulling back, pushing her hair out of her face. "You're so damn beautiful."
She smiled but scrunched up her face. "I'm fat." She said, laughing as I rolled my eyes.
"You're not."
"I am a little." She held onto her stomach with my hands on hers and we felt as our daughter moved her tiny body against our hands.
"Does it feel weird? To have her inside you?"
She shrugged. "A little. She moves a lot more than Will did."
I gave her a smirk that was full of pride. "That's because she's a Cole. We don't sit still very well."
She laughed. "Oh god she's going to be a handful compared to will isn't she?"
"I'm guessing yes." I replied. "If Poppy is any indication, she'll be a beautiful little handful and have everyone and everything wrapped around her little finger."
"I always wanted a girl." She admitted. "Not that I didn't want will...I just always felt like someone was missing."
"We're going to have a perfect baby girl soon, and you'll feel complete." I said quietly, starting to feel exhausted all over again but for other reasons now.
She nodded, then looked up at me, "But I won't feel complete if I won't have you too." She protested.
I was too tired to argue or even talk about that, "You're stubborn. And that's cheesy." I grinned at her, deciding to tease her instead.
She broke into a grin herself, "I know." She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Pregnancy suits you." I said after a moment, my hands still on her body but on very innocent parts.
She made a face. "I feel closer and closer to explode as the days pass." She sighed.
I ran my hand down her arm. "You're gorgeous instead. And so soft...you're glowing." I told her honestly.
"Am I tempting too?" She asked and I gave her an unamused look. Even if yes she was really tempting to my eyes but I didn't have to tell her that. She chucked at herself, "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"Why are you asking?" I asked back because I didn't want her to have the impression we were back to where we used to be...because we weren't.
She shrugged. "No reason."
"I have a lot of work to do." I answered quietly, leaning my head back against the cushion of my couch and closing my eyes a moment.
I felt her hand run through my hairs and then down to my cheek. "You're tired...I'll let you sleep." She announced and her body moved away from mine, as my eyes opened her lips were on mine again though. "Night." She whispered against my mouth before pulling away.
I sighed and watched her as she walked to the bedroom. "Night baby."
"You have school tomorrow." I pointed out and shook my head, kind of wanting to laugh at myself for how serious I sounded. But I was a father now and right now I could make no exceptions or break rules. Maybe when things would be more stable I'd do it. "And I have to work."
"I could spend the night here anyway." He shrugged stubbornly, always going for what he wanted.
"And leave mom alone?" I asked him as I made him reason. "No kid, she can't be left alone."
"You could stay with her instead." He muttered under his breath and I wished I could or that he could understand at least. But no matter how mature he was, he was still a 14 year old boy.
I ignored that because I knew there was no use in arguing, "We can do it next weekend. I'll ask aunt Lila to babysit mom."
"Ha!" He let out a laugh, "Don't say that to mom, she's hate to feel babysat."
I grinned at him and finished my beer, before getting up and glancing at my watch. "Get ready, I'm taking you home."
"Already?!" He protested, sighing. Then he paused and furrowed his brows. "I think moms going to pick me actually."
I let out a groan and bit down on my tongue not to curse. "Let me call her, I don't want her to drive all the way here." I shook my head but as soon as I dialed Colbie's number we heard a knock on the door. "Too late." I said and made a face, heading to the door to open it.
"Hi. I came for Will." She told me as she looked at me with those big eyes. God.
I narrowed my eyes on her, "You shouldn't have driven here alone."
"Why? I'm a grown up woman." She shrugged as she brushed past me, holding her belly, "Very grown up."
"Because it's night and the road is poorly lighted and you're pregnant with my daughter." I pointed out seriously, doing my best not to lose it since Will was listening.
She ignored me and went to Will, kissing his cheek, "Hi baby, how was your night?" She asked him.
"Great." He smiled wide, "Jax cooked a giant steak and a ton of fries."
She shot me an amused look and I just shrugged. "We were hungry." I said as if I needed to explain anything.
"Mom Jax said I can sleep here if I want to." Will added.
"Tonight?" She asked and raised one eyebrow at him.
"No." I said while Will lit up and turned his head to me.
"You said not tonight because you didn't want mom to be alone, but she's with us so..." He trailed off as he grinned wide.
I didn't have the heart to say no to him, not now, not when he looked so excited for something so small and simple. "If she's okay with that...I can sleep on the couch and you and Will can take the bedroom." I finished the sentence looking at Colbie, waiting for her reaction.
Colbie blinked back at me. I had no idea of what she could be thinking right now. "Next time you come over you can spend the night." She told Will, watching him pout.
"But Jax says the sunrise here is awesome!" He exclaimed. "You love watching the sunrise mom!"
"Do you?" I asked, looking into her eyes and wondering how many things I didn't know about her.
She gave me a half smile. "Nothing better than sipping a hot cup of coffee and watching the sunrise." She admitted with a shrug.
"Decaf coffee." I replied. What was with these Trenton girls and coffee I had no idea, they were obsessed if not addicted.
She scrunched up her face. "Decaf coffee is practically pointless....worst thing about being pregnant." She sighed.
"What about wine?" Will asked. "You love wine."
She widened her eyes and then laughed. "Not as much as I love coffee. Come on kid." She replied and yawned as Will grabbed his stuff with a grumpy face.
"You're not leaving." I said finally.
"What?"
"Look at you you're exhausted. It's not safe. I don't mind sleeping on the couch." I said honestly. Most of the nights I fell asleep on the couch anyway.
"No I'll sleep on the couch." She replied quickly and I glared at her. She sighed, getting the message even if I wasn't talking. "Fine."
"Or you could just both sleep in bed." Will suggested.
Colbie glanced at me as I scratched the back of my neck. God. "Why don't you go pick out a movie. But when it's done it's bedtime."
"Hell yes!" Will grinned and walked over to the other side of the room where DVD's were displayed on the shelves.
"Thanks." Colbs said softly. "I brought you something." I rose a brow as she reached into her bag.
"It's a tie." I commented.
"It'll match your eyes." She said softly. "Since you're the boss now I'm guessing you'll have to be fancy sometimes." She smirked and I laughed.
"I guess that comes with the job huh? Thanks."
"If you're meeting with girls though you'll have to be careful. I'm sure you're lethal in a suit."
I shook my head. "You didn't have to buy me a tie..." I trailed off, ignoring the flirty tone of her voice. We were with Will, we couldn't go there.
"Maybe I'm hoping to see you wear it." She said back softly.
"You will." I told her and smiled before kissing the top of her head. "Get comfortable Colbs."
"I don't have my pj with me." She pouted as she looked up at me through her lashes.
"I don't either." Will cut into the conversation, letting us know that he was listening to us. I had to watch my mouth.
I grinned, heading to my bedroom. "I'll give you two something of mine." I shook my head to myself while I grabbed Colbie's fave t-shirt and another random one paired with shorts for Will.
"Jax?" I heard Colbie's voice behind me and I turned to her. "Do you want to feel the baby?"
"Yes." I widened my eyes because that was something I would never get used to. My daughter kicking against my hand. I watched Colbie as she peeled off her oversized dress and I nearly died at the sight of her body. God her boobs were huge. They looked so damn soft.
"Come here." She whispered and grabbed my hand, set it on her tummy. A moment later I felt her and I grinned like an idiot. "She knows it's you, her dad."
"Really?" I asked, blinking at her as she nodded. I bent over her and kissed just above her navel. "I can't wait to meet you baby girl."
"You're going to make me cry." Colbie breathed out and when I pulled back she laughed.
"No crying." I grinned at her cute face as I handed her the t-shirt. "I hope this one is comfortable enough, if it's not you can pick one yourself."
"Um.." Colbie trailed off.
"What?" I groaned. "Fuck Colbie please put on the top."
She glanced down at the top in her hands as if she had no I idea what I was talking about. "It's just with my stomach it will barely cover my ass." She admitted, blushing.
"Oh." I said like an idiot, still looking at her body and biting my tongue because there was nothing wrong with a t-shirt not covering her ass. Only there was.
"Jax?" She laughed and I pulled away muttering under my breath before reaching in my drawer and grabbing a pair of gym shorts, tossing them at her. "Thanks." She smiled and slipped into them, taking her time before covering her chest.
"I know what you're doing." He grumbled.
"Is it working?" She teased, finally pulling the top over her head.
I shook my head. "No."
"Can we watch Men in Black?" Will called through the doorway.
"Seriously? Alien guts?" She replied as she walked out and I handed Will some clothes.
"The third one isn't that bad!" He protested and Colbie laughed.
"Okay fine."
"Good choice." I ruffled Will's hair, lying because that was the lame shit Adam loved but I didn't. "You go change, I'll make popcorn."
"Jax?" Will stopped me in my tracks and made a face, "Can you stop doing that please? It ruins my hair."
Colbie's eyes widened while I blinked at him. Then laughed, hard. "Okay, don't worry. Your hairs safe." I grinned at him before finally heading to the kitchen where I stuffed a bag of popcorn into the microwave and pour myself a glass of scotch because well, a full night with Colbie? I needed a drink.
"Do you need help?" Her voice surprised me. And her eyes caught me. "What are you doing?" She asked, brow raised and amused expression in place.
"I'm making popcorn." I shrugged, downed my drink like it was water and set the empty glass into the sink.
"What was that?" She asked in a teasing voice.
"Iced tea." I smirked at her because we both knew it wasn't.
"Mhm...can I have some?" She smirked back at me, cocking her head to the side and licking her lips.
I shook my head, grabbing a bowl as the microwave pinged, "Nope. You can't drink anything with caffeine."
She took a step closer to me, setting one hand on my chest and leaning into me, "You smell of whiskey." She said slowly.
I wasn't going to lie, her proximity mixed with the fact that for once we weren't yelling at each other was killing me. I loved how her body was transforming, it getting even more curvy and she looked so soft all over, not to mention how her eyes shined. "I don't know what you're talking about." I grinned at her and kissed her nose before pulling away to go back to the other room where Will was waiting for us, already sitting on the couch. "Here, all for you." I told him, handing him the bowl before taking a seat to the other side of the couch, leaving the place in the middle for Colbie.
"I'm barely going to fit on that couch." Colbie joked, making me roll my eyes but Will stood up and went to sit on the chair next to the couch.
"There you go."
Colbs finally took a seat next to me then she leaned her back against the couch, not saying a word but she looked weird...both out of breath and blushing. Was that normal?
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Just thinking about the last time I was here." She admitted, giving me a significant look. Damn, not what I was expecting.
I just swallowed and ingored her, pretending to watch the movie instead.
"Will we still be able to watch movies like this when Ruby is born?" Will asked.
I nodded. "Of course. Babies like movies." I joked.
"Yeah but Ruby's a girl. We probably won't like the same movies." He shrugged.
"I think she'll probably think that everything her big brother likes is awesome instead." Colbs assured him, making him smile.
"I am pretty awesome." He replied, making her roll her eyes while I was laughing.
"Careful or you'll start to sound like Rob." I winked at him.
As Will got more into the movie there were no more questions but I couldn't focus on the TV screen, my eyes were there but my mind wasn't. I kept thinking about my job, about Ruby, Will, Colbie...I had so much to do and it was exhausting. I was happy with how I was handling everything though, it was just bittersweet because it would've been better with Colbie as my girlfriend. Or fiancé. Or wife. I tried to keep that thought away, but sometimes, when I was too tired to keep it buried somewhere, it came back.
I felt Will's eyes on me and I looked back at him, "What?" I asked him and he shushed me, pointing his finger at his mom while he grinned. She was sleeping and looked like a gorgeous angel. "I hope your sister is as cute as your mom." I whispered to him as I brushed my thumb against her cheek carefully and saw Will smile before we both went back to watch Will Smith and his alien stuff.
"Jax..." I heard a voice coming afar, it was small and I wasn't sure if it was real. I had fallen asleep. As my mind realized that my eyes opened and I found myself still on the couch but with Colbie all cuddled on my side and Will nowhere in sight. The movie was over and the TV was off too. I stretched my arm slowly, wrapping it carefully around Colbie's body because I couldn't resist. She was so warm, so soft, so beautiful. "Wait." She muttered and I mentally cursed because it wasn't my intention to wake her. "Will's in the next room."
I blinked down at her, her eyes still closed and her mouth curved into a small pout before it turned into a big, no, huge smile. "Jax...I love you." She whispered softly and I realized she was probably dreaming, even though her words still hit me hard.
I cupped her cheek gently, "Colbs...you fell asleep. Wake up, you have to go to bed." I whispered as I held her in my arms because f.uck me I wasn't made of stone.
"Mhm." Came her response.
"Colbie." I said a little louder but still quiet, kissing her forehead.
This time she opened her eyes slowly, blinking up at me. "Is this real?" She asked in a barely audible tone but didn't move an inch.
"Yes...I think you were dreaming." I said back, nodding.
"Oh." She commented and looked really upset, her bottom lip trembling just so slightly and her eyes getting watery. What?
I lifted her chin, hating to see her like this no matter the circumstances. "What were you dreaming about?"
"I...you..." She trailed off and shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. It had to be bad. Or sad. Or both.
I swallowed and set my forehead against hers as I took a deep breath, my hand angling her head. "Don't cry..." I whispered and before I knew it my lips were capturing hers in a slow gentle kiss that was as comforting for her as it was for me.
"How could I ever have doubted us?" Colbie choked out against my lips.
"Why did you?" I asked, my forhead against hers and my words sounding pained.
"Because I'm a fool." She whispered. "You're so good." She held my face and kissed me again.
"Colbie." I stopped her. The thing was, when I was with her and mostly now that I kissed her, everything came back to me, all the good, but all the bad too. I wasn't over all the hurt just yet.
"We fell in love so fast. I didn't know it could happen like that."
I looked down into her eyes and swallowed, thinking about how fast and intense our relationship had started. But what do they say? The faster you are the faster you burn. "Me either."
She ran her fingers through my hair and down to my neck. "I never deserved you....how could you love me when I was always running like a scared little girl?"
"Because I saw past that to who you really are. You put up a wall Colbie, that you have to be perfect and strong all the time, and when you fail you think that you fail at everything and you hide from it. It's okay to be human." I told her simply.
"You understand me better than anyone I've ever met." She admitted. "But you were right. I was too selfish. You deserve to be loved unconditionally Jackson."
"Colbie...." I trailed off, not wanting to listening anymore.
"I dreamed we were married. I don't think I'd ever felt so happy....and its crazy because it's too soon and too fast for me to even think about that, even if we were still together. It's silly the things I was scared of are the things I want the most."
"I'm sorry I woke you..." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say but it was as if she had just punched me in the stomach.
"Can you tell me how you feel? About us..about our future. I'll listen...I swear I won't argue or anything. I just want to know....how do we raise a family apart when we're desperate to be together....at least one of us."
"I...I don't know." I shook my head, looking away and feeling awful. She wasn't the only one to have fears and now the fact that my future was a giant black hole I couldn't look into made me feel so restless, because I wasn't the only one I had to think about. Before Colbie I had never thought about my future, I had no worries, but I wasn't as happy as I had been with Colbie. Even right now, with all the problems we had, I was happy. Troubled, but happy.
"You don't know how you feel?" She asked quietly, adjusting her head against my chest and looking up at me.
I shook my head, because that was something I had never questioned. "I still love you Colbie, I never stopped. I don't know if I ever will to be honest." I admitted.
She sucked in a deep breath and I could tell she was holding back. "What don't you know?" She asked a second later.
"I don't know how we raise a family without being together. I want to do it the right way for the kids, but I have no idea of how to do that." I paused as I slid my hand under her t-shirt and set it on her stomach, making Colbie shiver and Ruby kick. "It keeps me up at night, I can't find a solution. I considered to buy a house next to yours so that we wouldn't have to force our kids to go back and forth between us...it'd be easier even if still complicated."
"Why can't we just be together? You said you still love me...and you know that I love you." She said, this time not sounding as obsessed as she usually did.
"I just can't right now. I have other things to figure out and even though I believe that you love me I still don't trust you enough." I explained calmly, rubbing her stomach.
"But you could? One day?" She asked, her big eyes full of hope.
I swallowed because I didn't know how to answer that. "I went on a date." I told her instead, because someone else could. She looked horrified. "I thought about you the whole time." I added, being honest.
"A date?" Colbs asked, for a moment I thought she was about to throw up. "Like dinner, drinks, naked and sweaty date?"
I shook my head. "I didn't sleep with her Colbie."
"Why? Why would you do that?"
I rose a brow. "Because I'm single? Because I need to know that I can have a normal life Colbie."
"That's what you see your future as? Dating someone else? Falling in love with another woman?" She asked quickly.
"What did you think would happen when you dumped me?!" I asked back.
"That's not what I meant to do Jax, I just meant to take some time apart to figure out what having this baby meant to us. I just didn't want to rush into anything. I didnt' want you to feel obligated to me just because we were pregnant."
"I thought you didn't want to argue." I retorted.
She shook her head, as stubborn as always. "I don't. I really don't. I know it seemed like I was just thinking about me but Jackson when the doctor told me I was pregnant and I processed it?"
"I know Colbie. You thought the past was repeating itself, you compared me to Nick, blah blah." I groaned.
"No. I mean yes. In a way. But I was thinking that I couldn't believe I had done this to someone else again. Nick was an epic asshole. I know it. But it was partly my fault too. I trapped him in a family life he never wanted. I partially made him into what he was. I didn't want to do that to you."
I blinked back at her for a moment. Had she just said that? Really? "It's not your fault that Will doesn't have a father."
"I just wanted to be sure we were together for the right reasons." She replied, pushing her ex out of the conversation for once.
"You should have said that." I replied.
"I know. I'm trying to fight for you Jax. But if moving on is what you want I'll try to let you." She said seriously.
"I don't think that moving on is that easy." I paused and collected my thoughts, trying not to say something I could regret just because I had her in my arms now. "I'm not even sure if it's possible at all. It's not like we broke up and I'll never see you again. I'll see you always instead."
"I wish you could give us another chance..." She trailed off and for the first time I could see her reason like a mature woman and not like a freaked out girl.
I sighed, still holding her against me. We were finally talking like adults. "I would've wait for you...but you cut me off completely."
"I know." She commented quietly, sadness in her voice.
"I'm not going to date other women Colbs." I started and she looked up at me, relief evident on her face. "I can't promise you anything...I need time. Space too. We have to put our kids first."
She smiled at me, her hand dropping on my forearm and running up and down slowly. "I love how you say our kids as if Will is yours too."
I returned the smile. "We might not share blood but you already know how much I love him."
She nodded, cuddling against me, and she looked more peaceful than I had seen her during the last weeks...if not months. "What are we going to do now?" She asked after a moment.
"Sleep." I answered simply. "I'm going to finish Will's room tomorrow but don't tell him. It's a surprise."
"You're amazing with him." She paused then shot me a grin. "Are we going to sleep together?"
I let out a chuckle, "No Colbie. I doubt Will would like to share the bed with us anyway." I smirked back at her, my eyes dropping down on her lips as the need of her grew strong again. Being mad was a lot easier.
"Do it." Colbie whispered, reding my ming. I groaned, a sound that was deep and almost aching as I gripped her hair and kissed her, my mouth taking hers forcefully, posessively. she slid her hands under my tee to press against my skin.
"I do love you." She said in between deep strokes of my tongue into her mouth. "I swear."
"I know you do." I replied, kissing her lips softly again and then pulling back, pushing her hair out of her face. "You're so damn beautiful."
She smiled but scrunched up her face. "I'm fat." She said, laughing as I rolled my eyes.
"You're not."
"I am a little." She held onto her stomach with my hands on hers and we felt as our daughter moved her tiny body against our hands.
"Does it feel weird? To have her inside you?"
She shrugged. "A little. She moves a lot more than Will did."
I gave her a smirk that was full of pride. "That's because she's a Cole. We don't sit still very well."
She laughed. "Oh god she's going to be a handful compared to will isn't she?"
"I'm guessing yes." I replied. "If Poppy is any indication, she'll be a beautiful little handful and have everyone and everything wrapped around her little finger."
"I always wanted a girl." She admitted. "Not that I didn't want will...I just always felt like someone was missing."
"We're going to have a perfect baby girl soon, and you'll feel complete." I said quietly, starting to feel exhausted all over again but for other reasons now.
She nodded, then looked up at me, "But I won't feel complete if I won't have you too." She protested.
I was too tired to argue or even talk about that, "You're stubborn. And that's cheesy." I grinned at her, deciding to tease her instead.
She broke into a grin herself, "I know." She shrugged nonchalantly.
"Pregnancy suits you." I said after a moment, my hands still on her body but on very innocent parts.
She made a face. "I feel closer and closer to explode as the days pass." She sighed.
I ran my hand down her arm. "You're gorgeous instead. And so soft...you're glowing." I told her honestly.
"Am I tempting too?" She asked and I gave her an unamused look. Even if yes she was really tempting to my eyes but I didn't have to tell her that. She chucked at herself, "What are you going to do tomorrow?"
"Why are you asking?" I asked back because I didn't want her to have the impression we were back to where we used to be...because we weren't.
She shrugged. "No reason."
"I have a lot of work to do." I answered quietly, leaning my head back against the cushion of my couch and closing my eyes a moment.
I felt her hand run through my hairs and then down to my cheek. "You're tired...I'll let you sleep." She announced and her body moved away from mine, as my eyes opened her lips were on mine again though. "Night." She whispered against my mouth before pulling away.
I sighed and watched her as she walked to the bedroom. "Night baby."
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