I checked my email as I stared at my laptop screen blankly, hoping to get an e-mail from Caleb. Nothing. I glanced outside the window of my small office, I could see his winery from there and I wondered what he was doing. During the past week I had gotten a few e-mails from him but they were all work related and cold. I guessed I had to consider myself lucky enough to still have my bakery but truth was my mood was set on sad and never changed. I'd get over it though, or so I kept repeating to myself.
"Tara!" Came Dennis' voice before he appeared with a gorgeous puppy of golden retriever in his arms and a cute expression on his face. "Look at what I found!"
"Tara!" Came Dennis' voice before he appeared with a gorgeous puppy of golden retriever in his arms and a cute expression on his face. "Look at what I found!"
I got up and walked over him, smiling at the adorable little dog that looked almost fake for how cute it was. "We can't keep any animal in the bakery, you know it!" I told him with a sigh but smiled even wider when I started petting the puppy. Dear god. Cuteness over load. "Oh my god you're so fluffy! And soft! What are you doing here? Were you hungry?" I asked as if I could get an answer.
Dennis rolled his eyes, "I found him inside the bakery actually. But it's no one's apparently, I asked around." He shrugged.
I took the puppy from his arms, almost crying for the way he looked at me. He was adorable. "So you're a boy?" I asked and got no answer once again, noticing that he didn't have no collar or anything. "Maybe someone lost him." I added and glanced up at Dennis.
"Or maybe it's a sign from God and you should keep him. Call him biscuit or cookie." He grinned at me, leaning against the doorframe, "You haven't smiled this big in forever." He added dramatically.
"I wish I could keep him." I smiled and sat down on my chair, still holding the puppy who looked this close to fall asleep. I needed someone who'd love me unconditionally and someone to give my love to, but since having a baby was out of discussion now maybe a cute dog would do the trick. I loved dogs.
"If no one comes to claim him....do it." He shrugged and winked at me before going back to his job. "Sorry." He said from the hallway.
Caleb appeared a moment later and I guessed he had just bumped into Dennis. "Hey-" He cut himself off as he glanced at cookie. Dear god I was giving him a name already. "What is he doing here?!"
"I found him...he's cute isn't he?!" I told him as I played with the super soft ear of the softest puppy on earth.
"Yes." Caleb agreed, leaning down and smiling when the little guy yipped and jumped into his arms to lick his face.
"He likes you." I smiled my real smile. They looked as if they just popped out of an ad.
He grinned as he scratched his head. "I hope so. He lives with me."
I widened my eyes. "What?"
"I adopted him yesterday." He admitted. "You're going to be a little troublemaker aren't you Nero?"
"Nero?" I asked.
"Like the grape." He grinned, and Nero yipped and then ran back to me. "He likes you too. He has good taste."
"Why did you get a dog?" I asked, cuddling the little guy close to me.
"It was your idea. I love dogs." He shrugged.
"Me too."
"Well I hope he didn't bother you, or lower the health standard in here. We're still training him."
I shook my head, "No, of course not...I mean, we found him in the bakery but as long as he's in my office it's fine." I told him quietly, a little bummed I could keep him for myself.
"We?" He asked slowly, raising one eyebrow at me.
"The guy you probably saw before? That's Dennis. I hired him...he's great." I explained as if I needed to.
"That's good." He commented shortly, making me want to scream because we were better than this at talking. I guessed this was what happened when you slept with someone and then everything ended.
I sighed, not even bringing myself to look at him. Instead, I played with the puppy. "He can come here anytime he wants...I'll make him treats. And if you ever need a dogsitter you know where to find me." I told him, meaning it. God knew how much I needed company. I hated being alone.
"Do I?" He asked.
"You can find me here, of course." I answered and gave him a questioning look.
He turned all serious, which was all I was getting these days. "You told me you find a place to live, don't tell me you're still sleeping here Tara because-"
"No Caleb." I cut him off and part of me was secretly happy he still cared and worried about me. "I have an apartment, it's just five minutes from here. It's kind of little but I like it. I don't need much space anyway."
"Tara." Caleb shook his head and I knew what he was thinking.
I held my hand up to his mouth. "It's a good place Caleb I promise." He swallowed and looked at me as I pulled back. "Sorry...I didn't mean to touch you really.."
He cut me off with a shake of his head. "I like when you touch me." He said seriously.
"Caleb.." I trailed off awkwardly. We couldn't go there, no matter how much I wanted to.
"I'm not the one who wanted us to end." He shrugged.
Nero yipped and licked my face, making me laugh and distracting me momentarily. "He's so sweet." I laughed as he attacked my face with kisses.
"He has good taste in girls." He replied.
I looked back at him about to say something before my new employee and friend came to the back. "You get cute puppies and hot men while I'm working my ass off? We need to reevaluate."
I laughed and handed Nero over to Caleb. He picked him up and he instantly cuddled into his chest. "This is Caleb, he owns Mara Winery."
"Ahhh boss man." Dennis winked at him. "You and that dog together are almost lethal."
"Thank you...I guess." Caleb said back awkwardly which was just so cute. Dennis was right. Hot and cute was a great combination. Hot cute and not wanting to commit ever again in his life? Not that great.
"I'm Dennis." He introduced himself and the men shook hands, "I heard a lot about you." He added with a knowing smirk on his pretty face.
"Only good things, I promise." I attempted to joke but I knew I was blushing.
"I hope so." He teased back, as forced as me. "If you need to go back to work...we're leaving."
"No!" Dennis interrupted, being obvious about wanting to let us alone. He didn't even care and I liked that about him, he was so transparent. "I just need to ask you if I'm supposed to make more stuffed peaches or more clafoutis."
"Peaches. They're probably the last ones we can make, summer is going to end soon." I told him with a smile.
He nodded, then glanced at Caleb. "Nice to meet you." He said and smiled, winking at me before walking out.
"Stuffed peaches?! What was he talking about, they sounds delicious." Caleb widened his eyes at me.
"I don't like bragging...but they are." I smirked at him, taking the seat next to him and scratching Nero's head. "I'll make sure you'll get a few tomorrow morning."
"Thank you, I'd love that." He paused, looking deep into his thoughts. "So you finally hired someone..." He added, breaking the silence.
"He needed a job, I needed someone to help me." I shrugged simply and stared into his eyes. Big mistake. "Do- did you eat already? Want to have lunch with me? Or just...lunch without me but with my food?"
"What about Nero?" Caleb blinked.
I shrugged. "He can run around out back if that's okay with you."
Nero yipped in agreement and Caleb walked him out to the small fenced in area behind my bakery. "Be good." He yelped again and then ran around in a circle, making Caleb smirk.
"Did you want me to join you?" I asked.
He took a deep breath. "Tara I wasn't the one who wanted us to end in the first place. You don't have to act like I don't want to see you."
"You didn't want us to start though..." I trailed off because that wasn't exactly how things were.
He shook his head. "I still want to be friends, but you're not going to blame what may or may not happened with us on me."
"Okay." I took a deep breath and didn't point out how that wasn't the problem as he followed me to the kitchen. "How does soup and sandwiches sound?"
He smiled. "I like everything you make." He said seriously.
"What if He made something you're allergic to? Or something you hated?" I asked in a silly tone.
"I don't have any food allergies, and the only food I hate is beets."
I smirked. "I bet I could make you like them."
He made a disgusted face at me. "I doubt it....please don't try right now I'm really hungry." He added.
"Okay. But don't make that disgusted face ever again." I grinned at him, tempted to touch him because that face was actually pretty silly. And cute. I turned around and took all the ingredients from the fridge, the soup was already ready so reheated it while making my favorite sandwich.
"You won't have to see it again unless you make beets." He said from behind me in a teasing tone.
"I promise." I told him and turned towards him again with a smile on my face. "So...do you want to ear here in the kitchen or in the bakery or..." I trailed off, feeling stupid and awkward all over again.
"Are you afraid to be in a room alone with me?" He joked. It wasn't funny.
"Uh no. You said we're friends so it's cool." I shrugged nonchalantly, grabbing two plates and glasses and everything we needed. Friends with Caleb, even if he had said we couldn't be...change of hearts happened right? And did I want to lose him? No. So sure, we were friends now. "Also, I'm already in a room alone with you." I added.
"Always a smartass."
I served him the soup, along with two sandwiches, while I got one only for me. "So I've heard." I winked at him.
He eyed the food, then glanced back up at me, "What are we eating?" He asked and got that excited expression he always had whenever I made him try something. I loved that expression, it made my heart warm.
"Peas soup and turkey and mayo sandwich." I explained as I sat across from him. "Nothing exciting today."
He brought a spoon to his mouth, nodding as he swallowed. "It's real good."
"It's what I was supposed to eat, so it's kind of boring and healthy." I waved my hand in the air, as if I needed to explain every single thing to him. Which I didn't.
"Tell me you're not on some stupid diet." He raised one eyebrow and kept eating as I did.
I shook my head. "No it's that when my life goes to s.hit and I feel like I'm losing control of everything the fact that I can control what I eat makes me feel better." I stopped when I realized how weird and dumb that sounded. "Nevermind." I blurred out, embarrassed of myself.
"You're-" Caleb starred but Dennis walked in, cutting him off.
"There's someone who asks for you." He announced with a big grin on his face. "Super hot."
I rolled my eyes because I didn't need him to make that comments in front of Caleb. "Who?"
"He says his name is Andy. He just wants to say hi...or so he said." He explained and looked pretty amused while I wanted to bury myself. I had nothing to hide, but Caleb meeting Andy had happened already and it hadn't been great.
"I'll be right back. Sorry." I told Caleb and even smiled at him even if I was panicking inside. Andy always had that effect on me. Always. I walked into the bakery and my stomach flipped at the view of him. "Hey. What do you want?" I breathed out, wanting this to end as soon as possible.
"Just a coffee." He smirked his sexy smirk, looking straight into my eyes as if he could hypnotize me. "And ask you why you keep ignoring your phone...or are you ignoring me only?" He asked slowly.
"I've been busy." I said and it wasn't a lie. Not completely. I turned around to make him a coffee, and I still could feel his eyes on me, burning holes through me. It was unbelievable. "I still am." I added but my voice was weak. Dear god.
"Busy with what?" He asked, never giving up.
I handed him his coffee, trying to glare at him. "Life." I answered shortly. "Your coffee is on the house, now I really have to go."
He didn't look touched by my words at all. "Thank you Tara. I'll find a way to pay you back and keep you busy." He kept grinning and I'd lie if I said it had no effect on me. His good looks were a curse to me. But I had Caleb in the kitchen waiting for me...my friend. I felt like I was in some stupid tv show.
"No need for that. Have a nice day!" I told him with a big forced smile on my face and headed back to the kitchen, only to find Caleb in the doorway with his eyes on me. Had he seen everything? Well there was nothing to see anyway. And even if there was...friends. We were friends. "Sorry about that." I told him as I kept my smile in place and hoped we could just ignore it all.
"I don't like that guy." Caleb said seriously, glaring as Andy walked out the door.
"You're very blunt you know that?" I asked, not adding that his comment wasn't requested.
"What's not to like? Tall, good body, and that smile..." Dennis whistled and he glared at him. "I mean no offense. You're definitely hotter."
He rose a brow and looked towards me. "Am I?"
I blushed and walked back to where we'd been eating. Of course he was. Andy was old news, Caleb was fresh air. "He just likes to check up on me sometimes." I shrugged, almost as if I was making an excuse for him.
"Yeah. I'm sure." He said sarcastically, taking another bite of his sandwhich.
"He just wanted a coffee." I pointed out.
He rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. I'm sure there were no starbuck's between his place and here." He retorted, shaking his head. "The way he looks at you says otherwise."
I rose a brow at him. "Are men not allowed to look at me?"
"All men look at you." He waved my question off. "But he hurt you and he looks at you like he'd like a second helping of whatever it was you two had."
"Did you just use food as a metaphor for my ex wanting me back?" I asked, close to be annoyed.
"I'm just saying." He shrugged.
"Are you jealous?" I asked, then blushed when I realized my words.
He didn't even blink. "Of course." He replied seriously. "He still affects you."
I blinked at him because I was taken aback. I hadn't dealt with jealous in forever and he wasn't even my boyfriend. He would never be, sadly. "Of course he does, we have a ten years past. He's not some random stranger." I said back, playing it cool.
He shook his head. "Not what I meant." He replied cryptically. Typical of him.
"Tell me what you meant then." I retorted, pushing my lunch away because I wasn't even hungry anymore.
"You like him." He said and sounded like an accusation.
"Caleb I have eyes but that doesn't mean anything." I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my chair.
"You're not like that with me." He added after a moment of silence, his face so serious and his eyes so dark I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or kiss him. I couldn't do either unfortunately.
I raised one eyebrow at him. "I'm sure I'm a lot worse with you. Because I don't like your looks only, if possible I like your personality even more." I paused, sighing. "Or at least I was, since now we're friends."
"It's not my fault if we are." He muttered under his breath then finished his sandwich, looking in a hell of a mood.
"I never said it was...I never tried to blame you for anything." I told him more softly, a little sadly too. "We just wanted different things as we couldn't happen."
He scoffed. "Sure." He said and I didn't say a word. His eyes dropped on my unfinished food then went back to mine. "Why aren't you eating?"
"I lost my appetite." I answered flatly, wanting nothing more but a cigarette. But no. Bad habits from the past had to stay in the past.
"Because of Andy?" He asked.
"No, because of you idiot!" I spat, this time losing my patience.
He blinked at me. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"
"No but surely you're acting like one!" I told him back then took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "I don't want to fight Caleb...please. I care about you and I want us to still be friends if we can." I added in a way softer tone, hoping it'd help.
"I'm an idiot because...." Caleb trailed off.
"Because you're jealous of a man you don't even know and you have no right to be jealous anyways."
"I had no right to be jealous of John either and I wanted to fucking strangle him everytime you kissed him in front of me. Hell every time you spoke about him."
"Caleb you said you don't want a relationship. You can't act like I'm the bad guy either."
"I said I wanted one with you." He reminded me.
"And how would that work exactly? Would I come to family get-togethers? Say sorry I picked the wrong cousin?" I asked sarcastically and that was just the beginning of our problems. I just didn't want him to accuse me for things that weren't my faults.
"I don't know how it would work." He admitted.
"So then stop! I can't deal with this right now." I told him, exhasperated because it was as if we were speaking different languages.
He blinked back at me. "You can't deal with what right now? Me?"
"Yes." I admitted even if it was painful.
He shook his head. "I didn't mean to make your life so much more difficult." He retorted.
"You-" He held up a hand.
"I want to be friends because seeing you at all is better than nothing. But this isn't working. I'm not going to just not have feelings for you anymore Tara. If anything they grow stronger. We should just....keep things professional."
"You said-" I tried again and he cut me off again.
"I know. I'm sorry, I was wrong." He said. "I'm going to go..." He walked away but I stopped him.
"Can I say goodbye to Nero?" I asked quietly.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Okay."
I walked back to my office and almost smiled when I saw Nero trying to destroy one of my shoes. He was just so cute. "You can't do this." I told him softly as I kneeled down and tried to grab my shoes but he didn't let me. He wanted to play. I felt like crying for all the feelings going through me and none of them good. I didn't even have a dog to make me feel better or loved, without Caleb I was officially alone.
"I'm sorry he's not trained yet." Caleb said from behind me.
"It's okay." I said lamely and got up, biting down hard on my lip to the point it hurt because I knew tears were threatening to start streaming down my face.
He gave me a look. "Are you crying?"
"No." I answered and my voice almost creaked. I couldn't let him see me like this. He wouldn't see me for a long time and as the thought hit me I only felt worse. "Just go away."
Dennis rolled his eyes, "I found him inside the bakery actually. But it's no one's apparently, I asked around." He shrugged.
I took the puppy from his arms, almost crying for the way he looked at me. He was adorable. "So you're a boy?" I asked and got no answer once again, noticing that he didn't have no collar or anything. "Maybe someone lost him." I added and glanced up at Dennis.
"Or maybe it's a sign from God and you should keep him. Call him biscuit or cookie." He grinned at me, leaning against the doorframe, "You haven't smiled this big in forever." He added dramatically.
"I wish I could keep him." I smiled and sat down on my chair, still holding the puppy who looked this close to fall asleep. I needed someone who'd love me unconditionally and someone to give my love to, but since having a baby was out of discussion now maybe a cute dog would do the trick. I loved dogs.
"If no one comes to claim him....do it." He shrugged and winked at me before going back to his job. "Sorry." He said from the hallway.
Caleb appeared a moment later and I guessed he had just bumped into Dennis. "Hey-" He cut himself off as he glanced at cookie. Dear god I was giving him a name already. "What is he doing here?!"
"I found him...he's cute isn't he?!" I told him as I played with the super soft ear of the softest puppy on earth.
"Yes." Caleb agreed, leaning down and smiling when the little guy yipped and jumped into his arms to lick his face.
"He likes you." I smiled my real smile. They looked as if they just popped out of an ad.
He grinned as he scratched his head. "I hope so. He lives with me."
I widened my eyes. "What?"
"I adopted him yesterday." He admitted. "You're going to be a little troublemaker aren't you Nero?"
"Nero?" I asked.
"Like the grape." He grinned, and Nero yipped and then ran back to me. "He likes you too. He has good taste."
"Why did you get a dog?" I asked, cuddling the little guy close to me.
"It was your idea. I love dogs." He shrugged.
"Me too."
"Well I hope he didn't bother you, or lower the health standard in here. We're still training him."
I shook my head, "No, of course not...I mean, we found him in the bakery but as long as he's in my office it's fine." I told him quietly, a little bummed I could keep him for myself.
"We?" He asked slowly, raising one eyebrow at me.
"The guy you probably saw before? That's Dennis. I hired him...he's great." I explained as if I needed to.
"That's good." He commented shortly, making me want to scream because we were better than this at talking. I guessed this was what happened when you slept with someone and then everything ended.
I sighed, not even bringing myself to look at him. Instead, I played with the puppy. "He can come here anytime he wants...I'll make him treats. And if you ever need a dogsitter you know where to find me." I told him, meaning it. God knew how much I needed company. I hated being alone.
"Do I?" He asked.
"You can find me here, of course." I answered and gave him a questioning look.
He turned all serious, which was all I was getting these days. "You told me you find a place to live, don't tell me you're still sleeping here Tara because-"
"No Caleb." I cut him off and part of me was secretly happy he still cared and worried about me. "I have an apartment, it's just five minutes from here. It's kind of little but I like it. I don't need much space anyway."
"Tara." Caleb shook his head and I knew what he was thinking.
I held my hand up to his mouth. "It's a good place Caleb I promise." He swallowed and looked at me as I pulled back. "Sorry...I didn't mean to touch you really.."
He cut me off with a shake of his head. "I like when you touch me." He said seriously.
"Caleb.." I trailed off awkwardly. We couldn't go there, no matter how much I wanted to.
"I'm not the one who wanted us to end." He shrugged.
Nero yipped and licked my face, making me laugh and distracting me momentarily. "He's so sweet." I laughed as he attacked my face with kisses.
"He has good taste in girls." He replied.
I looked back at him about to say something before my new employee and friend came to the back. "You get cute puppies and hot men while I'm working my ass off? We need to reevaluate."
I laughed and handed Nero over to Caleb. He picked him up and he instantly cuddled into his chest. "This is Caleb, he owns Mara Winery."
"Ahhh boss man." Dennis winked at him. "You and that dog together are almost lethal."
"Thank you...I guess." Caleb said back awkwardly which was just so cute. Dennis was right. Hot and cute was a great combination. Hot cute and not wanting to commit ever again in his life? Not that great.
"I'm Dennis." He introduced himself and the men shook hands, "I heard a lot about you." He added with a knowing smirk on his pretty face.
"Only good things, I promise." I attempted to joke but I knew I was blushing.
"I hope so." He teased back, as forced as me. "If you need to go back to work...we're leaving."
"No!" Dennis interrupted, being obvious about wanting to let us alone. He didn't even care and I liked that about him, he was so transparent. "I just need to ask you if I'm supposed to make more stuffed peaches or more clafoutis."
"Peaches. They're probably the last ones we can make, summer is going to end soon." I told him with a smile.
He nodded, then glanced at Caleb. "Nice to meet you." He said and smiled, winking at me before walking out.
"Stuffed peaches?! What was he talking about, they sounds delicious." Caleb widened his eyes at me.
"I don't like bragging...but they are." I smirked at him, taking the seat next to him and scratching Nero's head. "I'll make sure you'll get a few tomorrow morning."
"Thank you, I'd love that." He paused, looking deep into his thoughts. "So you finally hired someone..." He added, breaking the silence.
"He needed a job, I needed someone to help me." I shrugged simply and stared into his eyes. Big mistake. "Do- did you eat already? Want to have lunch with me? Or just...lunch without me but with my food?"
"What about Nero?" Caleb blinked.
I shrugged. "He can run around out back if that's okay with you."
Nero yipped in agreement and Caleb walked him out to the small fenced in area behind my bakery. "Be good." He yelped again and then ran around in a circle, making Caleb smirk.
"Did you want me to join you?" I asked.
He took a deep breath. "Tara I wasn't the one who wanted us to end in the first place. You don't have to act like I don't want to see you."
"You didn't want us to start though..." I trailed off because that wasn't exactly how things were.
He shook his head. "I still want to be friends, but you're not going to blame what may or may not happened with us on me."
"Okay." I took a deep breath and didn't point out how that wasn't the problem as he followed me to the kitchen. "How does soup and sandwiches sound?"
He smiled. "I like everything you make." He said seriously.
"What if He made something you're allergic to? Or something you hated?" I asked in a silly tone.
"I don't have any food allergies, and the only food I hate is beets."
I smirked. "I bet I could make you like them."
He made a disgusted face at me. "I doubt it....please don't try right now I'm really hungry." He added.
"Okay. But don't make that disgusted face ever again." I grinned at him, tempted to touch him because that face was actually pretty silly. And cute. I turned around and took all the ingredients from the fridge, the soup was already ready so reheated it while making my favorite sandwich.
"You won't have to see it again unless you make beets." He said from behind me in a teasing tone.
"I promise." I told him and turned towards him again with a smile on my face. "So...do you want to ear here in the kitchen or in the bakery or..." I trailed off, feeling stupid and awkward all over again.
"Are you afraid to be in a room alone with me?" He joked. It wasn't funny.
"Uh no. You said we're friends so it's cool." I shrugged nonchalantly, grabbing two plates and glasses and everything we needed. Friends with Caleb, even if he had said we couldn't be...change of hearts happened right? And did I want to lose him? No. So sure, we were friends now. "Also, I'm already in a room alone with you." I added.
"Always a smartass."
I served him the soup, along with two sandwiches, while I got one only for me. "So I've heard." I winked at him.
He eyed the food, then glanced back up at me, "What are we eating?" He asked and got that excited expression he always had whenever I made him try something. I loved that expression, it made my heart warm.
"Peas soup and turkey and mayo sandwich." I explained as I sat across from him. "Nothing exciting today."
He brought a spoon to his mouth, nodding as he swallowed. "It's real good."
"It's what I was supposed to eat, so it's kind of boring and healthy." I waved my hand in the air, as if I needed to explain every single thing to him. Which I didn't.
"Tell me you're not on some stupid diet." He raised one eyebrow and kept eating as I did.
I shook my head. "No it's that when my life goes to s.hit and I feel like I'm losing control of everything the fact that I can control what I eat makes me feel better." I stopped when I realized how weird and dumb that sounded. "Nevermind." I blurred out, embarrassed of myself.
"You're-" Caleb starred but Dennis walked in, cutting him off.
"There's someone who asks for you." He announced with a big grin on his face. "Super hot."
I rolled my eyes because I didn't need him to make that comments in front of Caleb. "Who?"
"He says his name is Andy. He just wants to say hi...or so he said." He explained and looked pretty amused while I wanted to bury myself. I had nothing to hide, but Caleb meeting Andy had happened already and it hadn't been great.
"I'll be right back. Sorry." I told Caleb and even smiled at him even if I was panicking inside. Andy always had that effect on me. Always. I walked into the bakery and my stomach flipped at the view of him. "Hey. What do you want?" I breathed out, wanting this to end as soon as possible.
"Just a coffee." He smirked his sexy smirk, looking straight into my eyes as if he could hypnotize me. "And ask you why you keep ignoring your phone...or are you ignoring me only?" He asked slowly.
"I've been busy." I said and it wasn't a lie. Not completely. I turned around to make him a coffee, and I still could feel his eyes on me, burning holes through me. It was unbelievable. "I still am." I added but my voice was weak. Dear god.
"Busy with what?" He asked, never giving up.
I handed him his coffee, trying to glare at him. "Life." I answered shortly. "Your coffee is on the house, now I really have to go."
He didn't look touched by my words at all. "Thank you Tara. I'll find a way to pay you back and keep you busy." He kept grinning and I'd lie if I said it had no effect on me. His good looks were a curse to me. But I had Caleb in the kitchen waiting for me...my friend. I felt like I was in some stupid tv show.
"No need for that. Have a nice day!" I told him with a big forced smile on my face and headed back to the kitchen, only to find Caleb in the doorway with his eyes on me. Had he seen everything? Well there was nothing to see anyway. And even if there was...friends. We were friends. "Sorry about that." I told him as I kept my smile in place and hoped we could just ignore it all.
"I don't like that guy." Caleb said seriously, glaring as Andy walked out the door.
"You're very blunt you know that?" I asked, not adding that his comment wasn't requested.
"What's not to like? Tall, good body, and that smile..." Dennis whistled and he glared at him. "I mean no offense. You're definitely hotter."
He rose a brow and looked towards me. "Am I?"
I blushed and walked back to where we'd been eating. Of course he was. Andy was old news, Caleb was fresh air. "He just likes to check up on me sometimes." I shrugged, almost as if I was making an excuse for him.
"Yeah. I'm sure." He said sarcastically, taking another bite of his sandwhich.
"He just wanted a coffee." I pointed out.
He rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. I'm sure there were no starbuck's between his place and here." He retorted, shaking his head. "The way he looks at you says otherwise."
I rose a brow at him. "Are men not allowed to look at me?"
"All men look at you." He waved my question off. "But he hurt you and he looks at you like he'd like a second helping of whatever it was you two had."
"Did you just use food as a metaphor for my ex wanting me back?" I asked, close to be annoyed.
"I'm just saying." He shrugged.
"Are you jealous?" I asked, then blushed when I realized my words.
He didn't even blink. "Of course." He replied seriously. "He still affects you."
I blinked at him because I was taken aback. I hadn't dealt with jealous in forever and he wasn't even my boyfriend. He would never be, sadly. "Of course he does, we have a ten years past. He's not some random stranger." I said back, playing it cool.
He shook his head. "Not what I meant." He replied cryptically. Typical of him.
"Tell me what you meant then." I retorted, pushing my lunch away because I wasn't even hungry anymore.
"You like him." He said and sounded like an accusation.
"Caleb I have eyes but that doesn't mean anything." I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my chair.
"You're not like that with me." He added after a moment of silence, his face so serious and his eyes so dark I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or kiss him. I couldn't do either unfortunately.
I raised one eyebrow at him. "I'm sure I'm a lot worse with you. Because I don't like your looks only, if possible I like your personality even more." I paused, sighing. "Or at least I was, since now we're friends."
"It's not my fault if we are." He muttered under his breath then finished his sandwich, looking in a hell of a mood.
"I never said it was...I never tried to blame you for anything." I told him more softly, a little sadly too. "We just wanted different things as we couldn't happen."
He scoffed. "Sure." He said and I didn't say a word. His eyes dropped on my unfinished food then went back to mine. "Why aren't you eating?"
"I lost my appetite." I answered flatly, wanting nothing more but a cigarette. But no. Bad habits from the past had to stay in the past.
"Because of Andy?" He asked.
"No, because of you idiot!" I spat, this time losing my patience.
He blinked at me. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"
"No but surely you're acting like one!" I told him back then took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "I don't want to fight Caleb...please. I care about you and I want us to still be friends if we can." I added in a way softer tone, hoping it'd help.
"I'm an idiot because...." Caleb trailed off.
"Because you're jealous of a man you don't even know and you have no right to be jealous anyways."
"I had no right to be jealous of John either and I wanted to fucking strangle him everytime you kissed him in front of me. Hell every time you spoke about him."
"Caleb you said you don't want a relationship. You can't act like I'm the bad guy either."
"I said I wanted one with you." He reminded me.
"And how would that work exactly? Would I come to family get-togethers? Say sorry I picked the wrong cousin?" I asked sarcastically and that was just the beginning of our problems. I just didn't want him to accuse me for things that weren't my faults.
"I don't know how it would work." He admitted.
"So then stop! I can't deal with this right now." I told him, exhasperated because it was as if we were speaking different languages.
He blinked back at me. "You can't deal with what right now? Me?"
"Yes." I admitted even if it was painful.
He shook his head. "I didn't mean to make your life so much more difficult." He retorted.
"You-" He held up a hand.
"I want to be friends because seeing you at all is better than nothing. But this isn't working. I'm not going to just not have feelings for you anymore Tara. If anything they grow stronger. We should just....keep things professional."
"You said-" I tried again and he cut me off again.
"I know. I'm sorry, I was wrong." He said. "I'm going to go..." He walked away but I stopped him.
"Can I say goodbye to Nero?" I asked quietly.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Okay."
I walked back to my office and almost smiled when I saw Nero trying to destroy one of my shoes. He was just so cute. "You can't do this." I told him softly as I kneeled down and tried to grab my shoes but he didn't let me. He wanted to play. I felt like crying for all the feelings going through me and none of them good. I didn't even have a dog to make me feel better or loved, without Caleb I was officially alone.
"I'm sorry he's not trained yet." Caleb said from behind me.
"It's okay." I said lamely and got up, biting down hard on my lip to the point it hurt because I knew tears were threatening to start streaming down my face.
He gave me a look. "Are you crying?"
"No." I answered and my voice almost creaked. I couldn't let him see me like this. He wouldn't see me for a long time and as the thought hit me I only felt worse. "Just go away."
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