but i can't spell it out for you no it's never gonna be that simple

I ran my fingers through my hair as I shook the hands of the newlywed couple who had just accepted the offer on their new condo in the city and turned to look for a coffee shop when I saw him. Jax grabbed a handful of wood and carried it effortlessly across the street to the construction area where the other men helped him nail it up to the outside of an old apartment building they were restoring. I almost lost my breath. He was sweaty and dirty as he peeled off his long sleeve shirt, revealing a sliver of stomach before he tossed it aside, leaving him in a black tank that showed off every inch of his sculpted torso. I felt myself walking towards him before I even realized I was.

“Hi.” I said breathily from outside the construction zone.

“Hey baby, what can I do for you?” One of the other guys grinned up at me and I flushed as I looked down at my feet.

“Colbie?” I looked back up at Jax’s voice and lost my breath again. Ugh he was always hot, but he was almost irresistible right now.

“I was across the street at a meeting.” I explained, licking my lips.

“You know this girl Cole? She’s a knockout.” The guy from before shot me a wink and Jax rolled his eyes.

“All his girls are knockouts.” Another said, laughing with the rest of the crew.

“Yeah, knockout drunk.” The first one teased.

“Don’t you guys have some fu.cking work to do?” he asked, glaring but I could see he was still slightly amused. He came from outside the zone and smiled.

“I’d kiss you but I’m gross.” He shrugged.

“If you don’t kiss me I might die.” I admitted, grabbing a handful of his cotton shirt and pressing my lips hard against his, kissing him like we were alone and not caring that we weren’t.

“Colbie.” He spoke against my mouth as I tangled my fingers in his hair.

“When’s your lunch break?” He held me even tighter with a big grin on his face.

"Now." he breathed out, and I blinked at him, surprised since it was still early,

"Already?" I asked, though I wasn’t complaining.

"No, but now that I'm with you I don't want to let you go just yet." he said honestly before reaching in to kiss me again. "I'm taking a break!" he yelled back at the other guys when he pulled away, ignoring their comments before wrapping his arm around me. "Let's go baby."

 "Where are we going?" he didn’t answer for a while and I took the time to appreciate how yummy he looked, the muscles in his arm bunching as he thought. Ugh.

"Were you at a meeting?" he asked instead of answering.

"Yes, these couple accepted the offer on their new apartment." I answered before Jax broke into a grin.

"I want to see it. Is it far?"

"No just across the street..." I trailed off slowly, raising one eyebrow, "Why?"

"I'm curious. I'm thinking about moving and I want to see what the city has to offer." he shrugged making me blink back at him.

"But it's so far from where I live." I pointed out then felt myself blushing since that seemed clingy. Jax didn’t seem to notice.

"It's already taken too." He grinned at me, as I walked towards the condo that was only a block away.  Once inside the apartment, I closed the door behind us, giving Jax a weird look, "Do you want me to show you around?" I had barely even finished the sentence when he was grabbing me, his hands on my as.s, lifting me up against the wall.

"No." he said seriously before kissing me hard. I moaned against his mouth, digging my hands into his hair as I melted into his embrace.

“If I had a boss I would be so fired for this.” I whispered with a smirk.

“Good thing you don’t.” he replied, his hand already on the zipper of my dress, yanking it down roughly. His eyes were on fire, and it was a Jax I hadn’t experienced yet. I’d seen him turned on of course but this was hunger like we hadn’t experienced yet and I was just as hungry if not more.

“I’d risk it anyways.” I admitted, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and pulling it over his head as fast as I could with his help, needing to feel his skin.

“The way you were looking at me when you came up to the site…the way you kissed me on the street…” He groaned and I knew what he was trying to say before he finished.

“I’m sure all girls look at you like that.” I laughed as he finally got my dress off my body and groaned at my lingerie and thigh high stockings I had on underneath.

“Fu.ck.” he set me down and took a step back to look at me. “Were you planning to see me today?” he asked, his thumb tracing the lace at the top of my thigh.

“No.” I said seriously. “I always wear my best underwear when I close a deal. Makes me feel like I can do anything.” I smirked at the way he was looking at me now. “When I saw you working though…You are the sexiest man I’ve ever seen in my life.” I admitted.

“God Colbie you undo me.” He rasped out, his hands moving as if they were itching to touch me and ugh I wanted him to, I wanted his hands all over me. I wanted him to fu.ck me in every way he was thinking and fast because I was about to lose my mind. I reached behind me to unhook my bra and toss it aside then walked up to Jax and slid to my knees as I undid his belt. His hands cupped my head, tangling in my hair, before running over my cheeks and my neck while I clumsily pulled down his jeans and then his boxer briefs, his straining erection finally free.

“You’ve never cum this way….” I pointed out as I slid my tongue up the underside of his shaft, my body shivering at the thought of him finishing in my mouth.

“I won’t today either.” He gritted out.

“Will you ever?” I looked up into his eyes as I slowly took him into my mouth and to the back of my throat and then sucked hard as I pulled back, loving the growl that escaped him.

“You haven’t finished here either….” I said, my hands running over my neck and collar bone and then down to my breasts before fisting him as I sucked him back into my mouth, this time not pulling away and clasping my thighs together to ease the ache.

"God Colbie." He groaned and I was pretty sure he wasn’t even listening to my words as I took him to the back of my throat. His hands gripped my hair and tightened as he rocked against my mouth, everything about him making my panties useless. "We never have enough time to do all the things I want to do to you and with you." he managed to say as I felt him get even harder against my tongue. "But once I'll have you in my bed I'll never let you leave it." He added as I looked up at him letting him watch me suck him harder as I shivered, pulling away before sliding him slowly back into my mouth again, twirling my tongue around him as I did.

"F.uck." His voice just egged me on, making me take more and more before his hands were pulling me back, sliding his impressive erection back out of my mouth.

"I want to give you all you want." I breathed out as she I looked up at him. I’d never experienced arousal like I did with Jax. I’d been horny before but this kind of turned on almost felt overwhelming.

"You do." he said hurriedly and just as hurriedly he forced me back on my feet, and kissed me deeply until I could barely breathe. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gasped when he turned and pushed me against the wall again.

"I want to give you more." I smirked a little.

"You will." he grinned back at me as he stared into my eyes, his hand sliding down my thigh to lift it and open me up for him. “Be patient”

"I'm not."

"I'm not either." he groaned and a second later he pushed into me, stretching me and fu.ck it was all I wanted.

“Jackson!” I called out, wrapping my leg harder around his waist as he gave me with all of him. I felt deliciously full as he held himself inside of me, looking deep into my eyes with so much love I knew that with him it was never just sex. I was never just scratching an itch, never just using him for an orgasm. Every time we were together like this we were making love no matter what. “I love you.” I breathed out, needing to put words to how I felt even though it didn’t even sound good enough. Jax didn’t seem to mind as his eyes got even darker. “God you feel so good.” My back bowed against the wall as I struggled for the friction he wasn’t giving me. Finally he pulled back, moving his eyes from my face to watch him glide out and then back into me at a pace that was much too slow.

“Watch with me.” He growled and I followed his eyes to watch his thick erection plunge back into me, the view so damn erotic I felt myself go wet around him.

“Not enough.” He said, though I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until he wrapped my other leg around his waist and started fucking me in earnest, giving me all of him over and over again and telling me how beautiful I was, how good I felt and how he’d never felt this before for anyone else.

“Jax.” I whimpered, wanting to cum but also wanting him to keep pumping inside of me for forever it felt so good.

“You’re tight baby, god you’re so tight and soft….” His lips found my breasts and he worshiped them, laving the nipples with his tongue one by one before biting down with increasing pressure until I was writhing against him. It was too much and not enough all at the same time. “You like that.” He grinned up at me.

“I love it…..” I admitted. God I would do anything for this man, I couldn’t believe I had been missing sex like this for so long. Like every nerve ending on my body was on fire.

“Want you like this for hours…..don’t have enough time….not enough.” He grumbled and I nodded since I knew we were both heading to our releases too fast even though we wanted more.

“Don’t stop please…..” I begged, wanting just a little longer, just a little more of the exquisite pleasure only his body could give me.

"Not until you come with me." he managed to say, his sexy voice even lower than usual as his breathing sped up. He stared into my eyes and thrust into me deep and hard every time, hitting me in places only he had ever been able to find. The man rocked my world. I felt my stomach tighten and I threw my head back as my eyes shut tight.

"I'm so close baby, so close." I moaned, and felt my nails sinking into his back. I vaguely heard Jax growl before I felt his hands cupping my as.s, gripping it tight as he fu.cked me hard.

"Oh baby." He groaned, "F.uck baby." I knew he was close but I was closer, breaking apart into a million pieces as my body exploded against his.

"Oh my god Jax!" I could hear my voice echoing in the empty space, Jax’s name rolling off my tongue over and over as the orgasm took me over and then I wasn’t the only one, Jax came with me, holding me tight and spilling inside me for what seemed like hours.  
"Damn what you do to me." he muttered as he came down with me, his hips still moving but slowly, lazily, like he didn’t want to pull away. I didn’t want him to either. I placed soft kisses up his neck and against his jaw, breathing him in.

"What?"

"Make me come and make me happy." he smirked and waited for me to pull my head back before kissing my mouth.

"Is that all it takes to make a man happy?" I smirked, enjoying the intense physical and emotional pleasure of making love to Jax. He laughed and leaned in to nuzzle my neck, still making such slow love to me that my body felt re-energized all over again.
"I think the happiness is specific to you." He whispered, capturing my lips in a kiss so sweet and hot it took my breath away. He looked into my eyes as he pushed back my hair and my legs shook. The intimacy of the way he was looking at me and the pressure of his hips still slowly moving were pushing me closer to a climax I hadn't even known was possible.
"You're my happiness too." I choked out and I could see the moment he realized I was close again.
"Oh baby, yes. Give me one more beautiful girl....right now...show me..." he held his gaze with mine, not moving his hands to my cli.t or speeding up his movements, just letting his hips take me slowly over an edge so powerful I felt my eyes water as I looked into his and choked out a long moan as my body broke into a million pieces and pulsed around him over and over.
"Jackson..." I whimpered. I had never felt this way about anyone, never had such an intense intimacy with another human. I felt like he could see inside to every place I had.
"God I love you." He said almost reverently, groaning as he pulled out and cursed as we started rearranging our clothes.
"We should both just quit our jobs and spend the rest of the day doing that." I only half joked.
"Don't you tempt me." He said back even more seriously. I laughed and helped him pull up his pants, staring into his eyes as I did the zipper and then the button, feeling tingly from helping him dress himself.
"I love you too Jax. So much I can barely stand it." I admitted. He looked down and tucked my hair behind my ear with a smile.

"And you tell me I'm the dramatic one." he said and eventually broke into a smirk.

“Don't make fun of me!" I blushed.

"I'm not." he kept smirking and pressed his lips against mine hard before I could say anything else, and honestly who would want to with Jackson Cole kissing them like their life depended on it. "I love you super much too and I don't mind you being super cheesy." He said finally.

"You're lucky you're so hot." I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me, his back leaning against the wall as I slid down until we were sitting on the floor with me in his lap.  

"What are you doing?" I asked softly, running my hands through his mess of hair.

"I don't feel like going back to work just yet." he confessed, leaning his head back and watching me. For not the first time I wondered how much passion he really had for his job.

"Do you have to?" I cocked my head to the side as my fingers traveled down his face and traced his jaw line, never getting enough of him.

"I wish I could stay with you instead."

"What about your lunch break?"

"This was my lunch break baby." he grinned a little, sliding his hand down until it was resting on my knee.

"But you didn't eat." I said back.

"I'll eat tonight." he shrugged, and I bit down on my lip before speaking.

"Where?" I asked eventually.

"Your place. Now that I have the keys nothing can keep me away anymore."

"Okay. But it's Will's day to cook and he makes mac and cheese with hot dogs pretty much every time he does." I laughed.
"Yum." Jax grinned, reaching down to kiss me again.
"Do you work tomorrow?" I asked, pulling my hair up into a ponytail instead of trying to smooth it back down.
"No I have this weekend off." He replied.
"So...." I started, having spoken to my son earlier about my idea, but now I felt nervous talking with Jax.
"So..." He replied slowly, looking over at me with a mix of curiosity and a little apprehension.
"Do you maybe want to sleepover?" I asked, licking my lips and chastising myself for being such a silly girl. Jax widened his eyes as if it was the last thing he expected me to ask.
"Where's Will going?"
"He'll be there too." I replied. I had thought a lot about it. There was nothing keeping me anymore from being in a real relationship with Jax. Will loved him and we'd been dating for long enough that he knew we were serious about each other. When I asked him about it he'd just blinked at me.
"I thought he already spent the night." He'd replied.
"What do you mean?" Will had shrugged, paying more attention to his magazine than me.
"Doesn't he sleepover when I'm not there?" I sighed and nodded at my smart son. "So than whats the difference?" He asked, looking at me like I was nuts.
"I just want to make sure it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable." I'd said seriously.
"Um. He's your boyfriend. As long as I'm not seeing you make out I'm okay mom." He'd said. "Can I read now?" I'd laughed and ruffled his head. Jax had moved closer to me and pulled me away from my thoughts as he pushed my hair back.
"You don't have to if you think it's a bad idea." I said quickly.

"In what parallel universe I could think it's a bad idea?" he asked before grinning so wide it was contagious.  

"I don't know." I said in a small voice, "Maybe it's too much for you."

"Sure, because I didn't try to convince you to let me sleep with you for weeks now?" he grinned even wider, clearly regretting nothing about how he had acted. "I even tricked you into letting me sneak into your room a few times."

"Because you're bad and make me do bad things." I laughed and he pressed a kiss against my mouth quickly.

“Super bad." he muttered against my mouth before pulling his head back, "I still have no idea of how Will never caught us."

"Thank god he didn't."

"But this weekend he's going to be fine with me spending the night, right?" he asked, being serious about my son’s feelings as he played with my hair.

"I talked to him...so yeah." I whispered, relaxing in his hold once again.

"What did you tell him? What did he say?" he asked quickly.

“He thought it was about time I think.” I admitted, laughing a little.

“I like him.” Jax grinned even bigger and I couldn’t resist leaning in and kissing him long and hard.

“Colbie if we start that now….” He growled against my lips and I chuckled against his mouth.

“I’m doing nothing but giving innocent kisses.” I said back, biting my lip to keep from grinning.

“Ha.” He shook his head and ran his thumb against my lower lip. “I can’t wait for tonight.” He said seriously, his eyes showing so much emotion I couldn’t help but compare him to my ex again. I never saw the love in his eyes the way I saw it in Jax. It was both comforting and scary as hell. On the one hand I was so lucky to have the love of a great man who I loved so much in return. But on the other? If it didn’t work out, if it ended….I was afraid it would break me in a way Nick leaving never did. If anything Nick’s betrayal had made me a better woman. I was scared that losing Jax wouldn’t be the same.

“Me too.” I whispered softly even though it was just us in the empty condo.

“You’re freaking out about it….I don’t have to spend the night..” Jax said, always so attuned to when I was upset.

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not that. I just….” I let out a deep breath because I was sure Jax was sick of my insecurities. I was sick of them myself. “I’m scared of needing you like I do.” I admitted, the only way I knew how. “I’ve never needed anyone before.” At least not in the same way. With my family I was the protector, even with my older brothers I had taken care of them when they were sick or jumped in whenever they needed a favor. With my younger siblings I’d done even more, and I didn’t resent it at all but I’d never actually felt as if I depended on someone for my happiness. It was a risk I was willing to take but it didn’t mean I wasn’t terrified. He nodded but I could sense his patience ebbing.

"So you are freaking out about it." He said once I was done talking.

"Yes." I confessed. "A little."

"I never needed anyone else before either." He said softly. "Just my family."

"Me too." I agreed with a whisper before letting him talk.

"But now I consider you part of my family too, and that means that I need you." he paused as he bored his eyes into mine, "I need you just as much as you need me."

"Doesn't it scare you?" I asked with wide eyes, watching him as he shook his head, "How can make everything seem so simple?"

"Oh baby, I'm not naive. It's not simple, not this," he motioned between us, "Not life in general. But what's the point of worrying for things that we don't even know if they'll happen? I can't do that. If something bad happens, I'll think about it when it does." I sighed and buried my face against his chest.

"I guess you're right." I muttered against him but I still had a niggling feeling in my stomach as Jax slid his phone out of his pocket.

"Hey Will." he said as I pulled back to look at him, "Your mom told me you're going to cook tonight, do you want me to pick you after practice and go grocery shopping together?"

"Yes! I'm not sure I have all the ingredients I need." I heard him reply through the phone, "Can Rob come over too?" He added after a second.

"You should ask your mom, but I'm fine with that." He nodded as he put the phone on speaker.

“Sure but make sure its okay with his mom and dad.” I replied quickly.

“Yay! Rob we’re basically cousins now that your uncle is my moms boyfriend.” I heard him say as he hung up, laughing.

“He’s silly.” Jax laughed, though he was looking at me warily.

“He’s super silly.” I agreed. “It’s nice that he’s happy we’re together. I’ve only dated a few other men before you and he seemed super put off by all of them.” Jax narrowed his eyes.

“I thought I was the first person you were with since your husband.” I waved my hand.

“None of them were serious, only reached 3 dates at the most.” Jax nodded.

“I must be better.” He grinned down at me and I laughed.

“If you’re going to waste time bragging about yourself you’re going to be late to get back to work.” I laughed, sliding my hands up his chest.

“Ahh but it’d be worth it.” He grinned, his eyes shining so damn bright.

“I could have gone shopping for you and Will, I’m done for the day.”

“Nah, it gives me time to hang out with him….and Rob apparently.” Jax laughed. “You can relax.” She nodded.

“I think I’ll see if Lila wants to get some actual lunch.” I smirked up at Jax and he grinned at me.

“Good idea baby.”

"Have you seen her lately?" I asked slowly after a few seconds and he couldn't help tensing.

"Not really." He shrugged.

"How come?" I asked, "Aren't you two close?" I pushed, knowing they were and also knowing something was going on that neither of them were telling me about. He nodded, and his face looked slightly guilty.

"We're both busy and have bad timing lately." he answered eventually.

"It sounds like me and you." I said and pouted a little up at him. He broke into a grin and got up, holding me until he set me down on the floor.

"You made my day a lot better." He said honestly as he cupped my face to kiss me.

"It was a lucky coincidence...but now that I know where I can find you it's going to be hard not to come looking for you." I reached for his hand as we got out of the condo reluctantly.

"Do it then."