wave after wave, wave after wave, I'm slowly drifting, drifting away

1. 

I heard a knock on the door of Cami's apartment and basically ran to it as I wrapped a towel around my hips, happy to have my girlfriend back so early. I opened the door and the face I found wasn't Cami's. It was my sister. Damn it. "Chloe!" I widened my eyes and she did too.
She smiled softly and tilted her head to the side. "I could have sworn I went to Cami's....." She trailed off, looking behind me. "Yeah, this is Cami's place for sure."
"She's um, she took Gabe to mom and dad's for the day she should be back..." I trailed off, scratching the back of my head. I was so surprised I didn't even know hot to get out if this situation.
"Oh? And what...did you forget to pay the water bill at your place so you had to shower here?" She asked.
"You're going to make a big deal out of this aren't you." I glared at her.
"No I think it's super normal for you to be in your ex girlfriends apartment at 8 in the morning wearing nothing." She replied in an annoying teasing voice. "When will Cami be back?"
"Just...." I groaned. "What are you even doing here?"
"Coming to see my long lost friend." She said dramatically as she made herself comfy on the couch. "Can you put some clothes on?" She winced at me brother and I looked down, just realizing I was still wearing only a towel.
"You have the worlds worst timing." I glared, shaking my head before dissapearing in Cami's bedroom, before coming back out fully dressed. "Did you swallow your tongue?" I asked, when she kept silent and stared at me with a huge grin on her face.
"Nope." She shook her head as she followed me to the kitchen where she took a seat on a chair. And still stared at me. "I'm waiting for you to explain why you're here."
I raised one eyebrow at her, my face straight because I knew how not to give away anything. I had been dreading the moment when I'd have to tell my sister about Cami and luckily for me it wasn't going to happen now, because Cami would tell her first. All I had to do was deflect. "Why you're here?"
"I was looking for my friend, duh." She shook her head then chuckled and that was when I noticed that she wasn't just amused, she looked oddly happy too.
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked instead as I reached for a bowl before filling it with Gabe's cereal and pouring some milk.
She nodded again, eyeing my breakfast, "Sure. How old are you? 6 again?"
I poured her a cup of coffee, setting it in front of her then I sat opposite from her. "You're welcome." I said as I ignored her in favor of starting eating.
She sipped her coffee in silence, but her smirk was still there, huge and annoying me already. "So? I haven't seen you in a while Ben."
"I've been busy with work and Gabe." I answered quietly and I stared back at her, wondering when she'd start get nosy. In seconds probably. "Did you miss me?" I added as I grinned at her.
"Of course I do." She replied seriously.
"I miss you too." I threw her a grin and handed her the cream and sugar which she added to her coffee before sipping it slowly.
"How is my favorite nephew?" She asked.
"He's you're only nephew." I smirked. "He misses you too." I added.
"Well whenever you need a babysitter, tell mom to stop hogging him!" She grinned.
I laughed. "You tell her that."
"She spoils him. He'll turn into a brat." She teased and I rose a brow.
"You mean like you did?" I asked and she rolled her eyes. "What have you been up to?"
She licked her lips. "Work....some classes."
"What classes?"
"I'm taking a few...slowly getting my business degree."
"Who are you and what have you done with my baby sister?"
"I'm not that much younger than you Ben." She shook her head, ignoring the question.
"How many classes?"
"Right now three, one photography class too, seeing what it's like on the other side of the camera might make me a better model." She explained seriously.
"Wow." I nodded. "That's really smart Chlo."
"Don't act so surprised." She spat back before my phone buzzed and I pulled it out, typing back. "Was that Cami?"
I shook my head. "Tristan."
"Oh."
I looked back and glared ather, since she was blushing like a school girl. Good god. "Don't even think about it." I snapped quickly.
"I'm not thinking about anything except maybe you should start showering in his apartment instead."
"What are you even talikng about." I muttered under my breath as I looked away, not even wanting to try reading her face. Her attraction to my best friend was obvious and I didn't like it just as obviously.
I heard her chuckle, "Okay I got it. You like showering here more."
Glancing at her I parted my lips, then closed it as I decided which way to take. None would be good considering that I was talking to Chloe, I was almost tempted to tell her the truth. Almost. "Yeah Cami's shower is kind of big." I said with a shrug, thinking about how much time Cami and I had spent in that shower lately. It was a lot, it was insane and I loved it.
"Uh, it sounds like you know it pretty well..." She trailed off, giving me one of her significant looks that I ignored.
"Of course I do." I answered and smirked when I noticed her eyes widen, "I just got out of it."
"Ugh, smarta.ss." She rolled her eyes and took another long sip of coffee. "What are you hiding from me exactly?"
I shrugged as I leaned back in my chair, "Nothing. A water pipe broke in my apartment so I came here...Cami and I had to talk later today anyway."
She took a full minute to process my words as she nodded, "Talking, uh?"
"Yes Chloe, talking, that thing that you do way too much." I smirked wider at her, loving teasing her always.
"I don't always talk that much." She commented simply but the look on her face gave her away. God.
"Please." I groaned and ran my hand through my hair, thinking about how to change the subject. "Cami and I are looking for some kind of summer camp for Gabe."
She furrowed her brow as she looked at me with insterest, making me smile because despite everything if there was one thing that turned her into the best version of herself that was my son. "Why? I mean, mom and I can look him while you and Cami work." She explained.
"I know, but he needs to stay with kids, make friends..." I trailed off, remembering how it had been the first time my parents had sent me away for a week. No fun at the beginning but very fun in the end. "I always miss him when he's not with me." I added as an afterthough, even if lately? We were always together, like a real family.
"Oh Ben." Chloe smiled and sighed. "It's a good idea." She nodded. "Do you want me to help?"
I grinned. "Sure. Do you know much about kids camps?"
"No." She teased back. "But I know how to use the internet."
"We found a couple..." I trailed off. "But how do I know if he'd rather have arts or crafts or sports, or young campers, or sing along music-"
She held up a hand up and I stopped talking mid sentance. "Why don't you pick the ones that look the best, call the camp leaders to make sure everything's on the up and up and then choose a few and present them to Gabe. Let him decide."
I nodded. "That's very smart."
"Yes, I'm wise beyond my years." She joked and pushed her empty coffee cup towards me. "More please."
I rose a brow and refilled her cup. "You're going to be super hyper."
She shrugged. "You make good coffee."
"Oh tell the press, they're always wanting to know secrets about me." I rolled my eyes and she laughed.
"The press should know better by now. Even I don't know your secrets."
I narrowed his eyes on her. "I don't know yours either."
"That's because they're secrets Ben. People aren't suppossed to know them."
"You're acting funny. Funnier than usual I mean."
"Says the man I caught naked in his ex's house." She rose her brows then got lost in her thoughts.
"Chloe." I broke the silence and she blinked back as I stared at her. "What the hell are you thinking about?"
She smirked. "You don't want to know. How's mom and dad? I haven't seen them for a little while."
"Normal, Mom's on party planning mode for their big anniversary party."
"Oh yeah that's right. Ohh I'll have to go dress shopping."
"You're such a princess."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you love shopping too." She replied, knowing me.
"I just really pull off a suit." I grinned.
"That's why you're in the ad's for them genius." She replied, the closest to a compliment I was going to get from her.
"I'm in ad's for many things." I said nonchalantly and shrugged, thinking about how shallow my job was. If I hadn't had the right genes? I wouldn't have been here.
"Yes, like Calvin's...ugh I don't want to think about it." She shut her eyes tight as she shook her head.
At that I laughed, "You said it." I pointed out.
She peeked her eye open, then opened the other too, looking a lot like the silly version of my baby sister I rarely saw. I rarely saw her period, but still. "Enough. But speaking of work, why did you skip every fashion week last season?" She asked and I had no idea if she was just curious or she was playing Watson and was trying to find out something more.
"Because I can." I answered simply, looking at her. Truth was fashion weeks were draining, but it wasn't just that, they kept me away from my son...and from Cami too. Right now I couldn't do either, it was too hard leave them when stay with them was the only thing I wanted to do always. I could sound obsessed, but when you found happiness again you didn't want to pause it for any reason.
She raised one eyebrow slowly, "Because you're on the top 20 of the most paid model? That sounds cocky." She pointed out, rolling her eyes.
"Models.com says so." I smirked at her as I ran my hand through my hair, "I went down the runway for Dolce and Gabbana though. That must count for something." I added.
"Yeah sure, what a pain is to be in Milan."
"You're starting to talk like mom." I commented with amusement in my voice. Our mom was all business and despite them being opposite in many ways, I could see some other resemblances too.
She cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brows, "Is that a compliment?"
"As long as you don't start nagging too it is." I smirked wider, glancing at the clock on the wall behind her and wondering when Cami would be back. On one hand I couldn't wait, but with my sister here? Who knew, it could turn into a nightmare.
"Are you seeing someone?" She asked.
I groaned and rolled my eyes, "Here it goes." I muttered.
"Hey, you're so private about your life...I'm just asking!" She protested, rolling her eyes too. It was unbelievable how little it always took us to start arguing. You'd think things changed when you grew up, it didn't instead.
"I'm perfectly fine with being private, not everyone's an attention w.hore." I spat, getting defensive because well, it was a touchy subject.
She narrowed her eyes on me, even leaning into me for full effect. "Are you calling me an attention w.hore?"
"No Chloe." I groaned once again. "I'm just saying that there's nothing wrong with being a private person."
"But I'm your sister..." She trailed off and gave me that sad puppy face that always got her what she wanted. Damn her.
"I'm not seeing anyone." I said shortly, because technically? I wasn't. I was with Cami, we were basically living together too, that was a lot more than just seeing her. "Are you?" I asked, almost afraid to ask because she always made the worst choices ever with men. She should have been locked up in a tower when she had turned 13.
"No." Chloe replied softly, flipping through the e-mails on her phone idly. That meant lies.
"Are you fuc.king someone?" I asked bluntly to get her full attention and she looked up and glared at me.
"I don't think so." She answered.
I rose a brow. "You don't think you're sleeping with someone?" I asked. "That's something you should know."
She sighed and I held my breath, because everytime she sighed? She was about to confess something. "I like someone. But I think when we hooked up it was a one time thing." She answered finally.
"Why? If you like him." I asked warily, trying to guess who he could be...another photographer. Or a model.
"I don't think he likes me as much as I like him."
I nodded, hoping this was the case but not telling her. At lest he wouldn't lead her on and she wouldn't get hurt. It wasn't like I approved my sister sleeping around, but still. "He's stupid then."
Her face turned into a geniune smile. "Probably." She grinned.
"But if you knew that anyways why'd you hook up with him?" I went on, trying to trick her into reasoning and stopping sleeping around too. What kind of girl thought that hooking up with a guy was the right was to get him to like her? Not my sister I hoped, she was smarter than that. Or at least she could be.
She shrugged. "Eight months of celibacy makes you do crazy things." She smirked. "Plus I wanted to."
"Eight months!?"
"Do you really want to hear about your sisters sex life?"
"No thanks." I made a face, "You could have done better though."
"You don't even know who I slept with." She spat back, rolling her eyes.
I shook my head, not even interested in knowing as long as it had ended the moment she had stepped out of his apartment of vice versa. "Not what I meant. You resisted eight months, could've done one year and set a new record." I said seriously. I didn't want my sister to sleep around no matter if she wasn't a teen anymore, I didn't want her to get accidentally pregnant or get her heart broken.
"You wish." She wrinkled her nose as she set her feet on the edge of the stool, wrapping her arms around her legs.
"I really do." I sighed, "I hope you were careful." I added.
"Ben!" She protested, "Stop talking like you're dad."
"Dad had never talked to you like this." I smirked, always amused by her annoyance, "Someone has to."
She rolled her eyes again, to the point I was worried they'd get stuck there, "Someone has to mind his own business."
I smirked wider and decided to stand up and reach for a cup, "You're part of my business." I shrugged nonchalantly as I filled the cup with coffee.
She raised one eyebrow slowly this time, "Yeah right, only when you decide I am."
"I'm a busy man." I said quietly, sipping my coffee.
"And a father and blah blah blah." She teased me, even trying to mimic me. One of these day I'd strangle her with my own hands.
"If I was always on your case you'd hate it anyway." I retorted and hoped it was enough to silence her on the matter.
"I wish you'd be my brother more and my father less." Cami admitted, shrugging as she sipped the last of her coffee.
"I don't want bad things to happen to you..." I trailed off, wincing as I thought about HER past when i was so wrapped up in my own life I didn't know what was happening in hers. It wasn't like I felt guilty for the past, I knew she was the most stubborn girl on earth and she was great at taking bad decisions, but still.
"Anything bad that's ever happened to me wasn't your fault." She said seriously. "Nor would you have been able to change my pig-headed mind about doing just what I wanted to." She added.
"If dad did it I wouldn't have to." I muttered and she laughed.
"Dad is worse than you! You weren't there when he met Jack."
I rose a brow at her. "Dad met your ex?"
She nodded. "It didn't go over too well." She shook her head.
"Dad's usually so chill, I can't see him meeting one of your boyfriends."
"You're just lucky that the only girl you've ever had mom and dad walk in on you with is sweet adorable Camille." She teased.
"Maybe you should have better taste in men." I smirked at her, though I was serious. My parents loved Cami because she was adorable, it was that simple.
"What guy do you see me with exactly Ben? A nerdy one? I'd be bored."
"I know." I groaned, knowing her too well to imagine her with some good guy. I could only dream. "Can't you date someone...normal?"
She raised one eyebrow, "Can you define normal please?"
I shrugged, since I didn't know how exactly put it in words and hating her a little because she already knew what I meant. "Some guy which has a normal job, normal family, normal friends...?"
"God that sounds so boring." She rolled her eyes again, though I could tell she was teasing too.
"You're hopeless." I sighed and shook my head, "I guess I have to get ready for the next disaster."
"Ben!" She protested, "You said yourself I got better lately!"
"With your life? Yes? With guys? I don't think so." I said back and when she parted her lips to talk I cut her off, "Don't even bring up the eight months of celibacy thing please." I added with a groan.
"It's such a boost for my selfconfidence the way you talk about me." She crossed her arms against her chest, glaring at me.
I smirked at her annoyed face, "Your confidence is just fine."
"Still. You think I'm a walking disaster." She pouted this time.
I smiled at her choice of words, "Prove me wrong. And if I'm not, you'll always have my shoulder to cry on anyway."
"What exactly do I do that you think is so bad? You were the one dating a teenager." Cami commented, wincing.
"I-" I started to defend myself but she cut me off, which maybe was good because when she started like that? She wouldn't stop until she'd say everything, without thinking twice.
"You what? You're so much better than me because you stay out of the spotlight as much as you can? Because you knocked up your girlfriend as a minor and then dumped her when it got too tough? I might have had a rebellious phase but your track record is way worse than mine."
"That's not what happened and you know it." I growled, hurt because she was hitting my weak spot. I had never had the intention to get Cami pregnant and I had never dumped her, I had always been by her side through the years, I had given up my dreams to take care of my son...if my sister thought I had been the bad guy there? Either she didn't know me or she was being a bitch.
She shrugged. "Who would really know though? You're such a private person." She made it sound as if she was teasing me, "Plus I never give you any shit about the mistakes you've made and yet you're always afraid I'm one bad decision away from ending up in rehab no matter how far I've come."
"Is that really what you think?" I asked, blinking back at her, both hurt and mad.
"It's what you show me." She shrugged. "It's okay Ben I'm used to it. Just like you're going to be used to it when you admit whatever is going on here and I do my I told you so dance." She winked, trying to bring the mood back to a little lighter, being pretty stupid about it because I wasn't going to share anything with her from now on, since she only used it against me. No wonder why I was private about my things.
"I haven't said anything about whatever is going around here."
She rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Because you never tell me a damn thing."
"Where is this even coming from? Do you tell me everything?"
"Almost!"
"Like you told me you were going back to school?" I questioned, leaning back and folding my arms over my chest.
"I just told you that? When would I have before? When you were vacationing with your ex for months?"
"It wasn't months."
"Look Ben. You saved my life once, the tough love thing worked. But it's getting really fuc.king old. I know we're like the exact opposite of each other, but you have to at least pretend to like me because I'm your sister. I'm going to fuck up just like you will and just like everyone has. Now let's blow past this. Does Cami have any croissants?"
"I have no idea." I said in monotone as I got up, not even looking at her. She kept doing this, throwing shit at me like I hated her, like I was the bad one who did all he could to make her look bad when she was a saint. Apparently my sister didn't know me at all if she thought I could ever be able to do such a thing, or care about it. My life was already as complicated as it was and I had no time to plan against her. No matter how I looked at what she had just said, it didn't make sense anyway, but this time? I wouldn't go past it. It killed me that we were growing apart when we had been so close as kids.
"Cookies then?" She asked from behind me.
"Look yourself." I answered shortly as I walked out of the kitchen to Cami's bedroom to put my shoes and jacket on, not wanting to see her face for a second longer. I couldn't believe she had brought up how Cami and I had had Gabe, like it hadn't been hard for me, for us. It was unfair and now that I was struggling to get the pieces of my life together, and I was happy too, I didn't need her sour words.
"Where are you going?" She asked when I went back to the kitchen only to get my phone.
"Away." I said back in a cold voice as I texted Cami to tell her I wouldn't be at her place when she'd come back but I'd be there for dinner, not wanting her to see me in a mood that could ruin hers too. All she deserved was happiness and I'd tell her about Chloe when I'd stop fuming.
"Are you mad at me?" My sister broke the silence and I glanced up at her for a second, only to look past her a second later.
I ignored her question completely, since mad wasn't the right word. I was mad, but mostly I was hurt and upset. "You can wait for Cami here if you want. Bye Chloe." I said before walking out the apartment and closing the door behind me.
"Ben!" Chloe caught up to me walking down the street and I growled.
"Go home Chloe."
She groaned and grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop. "What happened here exactly?"
"Oh I don't know....you insulted my life? My family?"
She widened her eyes at me. "I was making a point Ben! Do you seriously not see my side at all!?"
I shook my head, she never really listened to me. Or tried to see my side. "You're ridiculous."
"I'm serious! I feel like I'm always always working my as.s off to please my big brother! That's insane."
"That is insane." I agreed, walking away again towards the small park across the street from Cami's place.
She followed me again. "When have I ever said anything about the choices you've made Ben? I'm not saying I'm perfect I'm just pointing out that you aren't either!"
"I don't have time for this Chloe."
"So you're either criticizing me or you don't care about me at all is that it?" She shrugged.
"No. I don't want to lose you again Chloe is that so bad!?" I said back because in the end I just wanted to have a normal relationship with my sister.
"Lose me?" She blinked and I groaned.
"When you left for the states in high school and never called? Or maybe when you came back a completely different girl from the little sister who used to make me play fairy tales in the attic?"
"We both grew up Ben. We weren't kids anymore. You were raising one, and I was a mess I admit it."
"You were too caught up in being a mess to realize what it was doing to everyone around you."
"But I'm not that girl anymore! Having a one night stand doesn't put me straight back into crazy Chloe status! Everyone does that!"
"It's like you think I don't even like you." I said.
"When was the last time you said something nice to me?"
"It was before." I answered and added a glare, "When I told you how you were doing good with school, or when I said that the ideas you gave me for Gabe were smart."
She opened her mouth, but I didn't give her time to say anything. I never got mad, it just wasn't part of my personality, she was probably the only person in the world who could put me in the worst mood and turn me in someone I really wasn't. "You only picked the part you wanted, which was how I wish you did better choices with guys and you know I'm right about that too. You told me you had a one night stand and even if I'm no saint what did you expect me to do? Clap my hands? You need to learn how to take some f.ucking criticism, mostly if it's the constructive kind from someone who loves you and only wants the best for you. I don't need you to prove me anything, but I'm not going to keep my mouth shut only because you could not like what I have to say until I'll care about you. Stop acting like a victim who gets bullied by her big brother because that's not reality." I said it all quickly, seriously, with my blood pumping fast in my veins and my heart about to jump out of my chest.
She blinked at me, looking speechless. "Wow." Was the only thing that came out of her mouth. "Do you have anything else to say." She added.
I ran my hands through my hair, hating to feel like this. "Yes. Don't ever bring up again Gabe and Cami with me. I'm done talking to you as long as you act like a b.itch."
"You're not serious."
"I'm dead serious." I said back as I stared at her and even if it hurt I knew it was needed. Only this time I was the one in need, not her.
She swallowed, then shook her head, "Ben, what's going on?"
"I can't be around you now. I won't be able to for a while."
"Yeah like you haven't been lately you mean." She muttered under her breath.
I cocked my head to the side, "It wasn't that bad for you was it? Leave me alone Chloe." And with that I walked away, this time not giving her the chance to stop me.