i tried to be someone else but nothing seemed to change

I knocked on the door to Cami's place, feeling restless and eager to talk to my friend but when the door opened it wasn't Cami at all. It was Ben. In a towel. I widened my eyes at the same time he did.

"Chloe!" I smiled softly and tilted my head to the side.

"I could have sworn I went to Cami's....." I trailed off, looking behind him. "Yeah, this is Cami's place for sure."

"She's um, she took Gabe to mom and dad's for the day she should be back..." he trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh? And what...did you forget to pay the water bill at your place so you had to shower here?" I asked, wondering just how much I was missing out on. I had started school again and so I didn't have a lot of free time between that and work and....Tristan...but it seemed like I wasn't the only one with secrets.

"You're going to make a big deal out of this aren't you." He glared at me. I shook my head.

"No I think it's super normal for you to be in your ex girlfriends apartment at 8 in the morning wearing nothing." I replied, teasing him still, for all the sh.it he put me through he deserved a little grief. But if this was really what I thought it was? I wasn't going to do anything but be crazy happy. For everyone involved. "When will Cami be back?"

"Just...." he groaned. "What are you even doing here?"

"Coming to see my long lost friend." I said dramatically as I made myself comfy on the couch. "Can you put some clothes on?" I winced at my brother and he looked down as if just realizing he was still wearing only a towel.

"You have the worlds worst timing." he glared, shaking his head before dissapearing in what was unmistakenly Cami's bedroom, before coming back out fully dressed. I tried to hide my smirk. I would not gloat. I would just let him talk. Or not talk. I knew pretty well sometimes you had to keep things between two people. I was sometimes a hot mess and a bit.ch but I loved Ben and Cami and only really wanted them to be happy. Then again maybe this was a fluke, maybe he had come over here just to shower, or maybe he and Cami hadn't discussed what they were yet. I didn't want to make things worse.

"Did you swallow your tongue?" Ben asked, bringing me back to reality.

"Nope." I shook my head as I followed him to the kitchen where I took a seat on a chair. And still stared at him. "I'm waiting for you to explain why you're here."

"Why you're here?" he ignored me but switched the subject.

"I was looking for my friend, duh." I laughed, thinking what a terrible deflection that was.

"Do you want some coffee?" he asked instead as he reached for a bowl before filling it with what looked to be a child's cereal and pouring some milk.

"Sure. How old are you? 6 again?" he poured me a cup and set it in front of me as I admired the mug. Cami had damn good taste.

"You're welcome." Ben said instead of answering as he started eating. I was smirking. I mean I wasn't born yesterday, you didn't shower at your ex's house this early without a good damn reason.

"So? I haven't seen you in a while Ben."

"I've been busy with work and Gabe." he answered quietly he answered, staring at me as if he was trying to read all of my bad thoughts as usual. "Did you miss me?" he added as he grinned.

"Of course I do." I replied seriously. Ben's face softened from the mask he wore when he was trying not to tell me something.

"I miss you too." he threw me the grin that got him his job and handed me the cream and sugar which I added to my coffee before sipping it slowly.

"How is my favorite nephew?" I asked, my heart aching for how little I'd seen him lately.

"He's you're only nephew." Ben smirked and I supressed the urge I had to ask just how long he'd be my only nephew. "He misses you too." he added.

"Well whenever you need a babysitter, tell mom to stop hogging him!" I grinned, thinking it was long past time for some cuddles with my Gabe. Ben laughed.

"You tell her that."

"She spoils him. He'll turn into a brat." I teased and Ben rose a brow.

"You mean like you did?" I rolled my eyes. "What have you been up to?" I licked my lips.

"Work....some classes."

"What classes?" I licked my lips.

"I'm taking a few...slowly getting my business degree." Ben sat down finally after getting his own coffee and stared at me.

"Who are you and what have you done with my baby sister?"

"I'm not that much younger than you Ben." I shook my head, ignoring the question because I was kind of sick with him thinking so lowly of me. I understood that I deserved it at one point. But I wasn't awful anymore.

"How many classes?"

"Right now three, one photography class too, seeing what it's like on the other side of the camera might make me a better model." I explained seriously.

"Wow." he nodded. "That's really smart Chlo."

"Don't act so surprised." I spat back before his phone buzzed and he pulled it out, typing something back. "Was that Cami?" Ben shook his head.

"Tristan." I felt my eyes widen and my cheeks flare as I tried to stop smirking.

"Oh." Ben looked back and glared at me.

"Don't even think about it." He snapped quickly.

"I'm not thinking about anything except maybe you should start showering in his apartment instead." I lied, my mind flashing back to how good his mouth felt on my body...

"What are you even talikng about." he muttered under his breath as I tried to control my thoughts. His damn fault for bringing up Tristan. Ugh just his name made a shiver go through me.

"Okay I got it. You like showering here more." I chuckled, forcibly pushing away the thought of how much I wanted to shower with his best friend.

"Yeah Cami's shower is kind of big." he shrugged and I winced, not wanting to go any further with that particular topic, but also wanting to tease him a little.

"Uh, it sounds like you know it pretty well..." I trailed off, giving him a look I knew he understood.

"Of course I do." he answered and smirked, "I just got out of it."

"Ugh, smartass." I rolled my eyes and took another long sip of coffee. "What are you hiding from me exactly?"

"Nothing. A water pipe broke in my apartment so I came here...Cami and I had to talk later today anyway." Wow, that was a good lie. Had to give him credit.

"Talking, uh?"

"Yes Chloe, talking, that thing that you do way too much." he smirked wider at her, teasing me of course took the pressure off of him.

"I don't always talk that much." I grinned and he groaned, running his fingers through his hair.

"Please....Cami and I are looking for some kind of summer camp for Gabe." I changed my position, settling into talking about my favorite nephew.

"Why? I mean, mom and I can look him while you and Cami work." I explained.

"I know, but he needs to stay with kids, make friends..." Ben trailed off, and I remembered how much he'd cried when Dad told him he was going to camp as a kid but how when he'd come back he wouldn't shut up about it. "I always miss him when he's not with me." he added as an afterthought like the cutie he was, but that I didn't get to see much anymore.

"Oh Ben." I smiled and sighed, loving seeing him as a father rather than a usually annoying brother. "It's a good idea." I nodded. "Do you want me to help?" Ben grinned.

"Sure. Do you know much about kids camps?"

"No." I teased back. "But I know how to use the internet."

"We found a couple..." he trailed off. "But how do I know if he'd rather have arts or crafts or sports, or young campers, or sing along music-" I held up a hand up and he stopped talking mid sentance.

"Why don't you pick the ones that look the best, call the camp leaders to make sure everything's on the up and up and then choose a few and present them to Gabe. Let him decide." Ben nodded.

"That's very smart." He agreed.

"Yes, I'm wise beyond my years." I joked and pushed my empty coffee cup towards him. "More please." he rose a brow and refilled my cup.

"You're going to be super hyper." I shrugged.

"You make good coffee." In Cami's coffee maker....in her kitchen. I added silently, with a smirk that told him just what I was thinking.

"Oh tell the press, they're always wanting to know secrets about me." Ben rolled his eyes and I laughed.

"The press should know better by now. Even I don't know your secrets." Ben narrowed his eyes on me.

"I don't know yours either." Touche big brother.

"That's because they're secrets Ben. People aren't suppossed to know them." He looked me over.

"You're acting funny. Funnier than usual I mean."

"Says the man I caught naked in his ex's house." I rose my brows, actually grateful for that because it took the heat off anything bad I might have done. Which was nothing recently...ish. Unless he counted fuc.king his best friend all night as bad. I was guessing he probably would. Ugh I had thought about it again. A rush of heat ran through me and the way he said my name as I was riding him flashed into my memory, so clear I could almost still feel his hands. It was happening all the time, little flashbacks. A touch, a sentence....and I was transported back to that night, ready to relive it over and over....like porn except in my head.

"Chloe." I blinked back and he stared at me. "What the hell are you thinking about?" I smirked.

"You don't want to know. How's mom and dad? I haven't seen them for a little while." Ben shrugged.

"Normal, Mom's on party planning mode for their big anniversary party." I nodded.

"Oh yeah that's right. Ohh I'll have to go dress shopping." I smiled at the thought because as cliche as it sounded, I loved any excuse to wear a gown.

"You're such a princess." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh please, you love shopping too." I replied, knowing my brother.

"I just really pull off a suit." He grinned and I shook my head again.

"That's why you're in the ad's for them genius." I replied, the closest to a compliment he was going to get from me. My brother was very handsome. A perk of the good genes our parents gave us...but I didn't need to feed his ego any more than everyone else already did.

"I'm in ad's for many things." he shrugged.

"Yes, like Calvin's...ugh I don't want to think about it." I shut my eyes. Seeing magazines with your brother in his underwear? Not a perk of being in this business. Then again He probably thought the same thing about me in maxim.

"You said it." he pointed out. I peeked my eye open, then opened the other too as if I was afraid a Calvin Klien billboard was going to appear in his kitchen.

"Enough. But speaking of work, why did you skip every fashion week last season?" I asked him, both curious and interested if it had to do with Cami.

"Because I can." He shrugged and I raised one eyebrow slowly,

"Because you're on the top 20 of the most paid model? That sounds cocky." I pointed out, having gotten his text message about it. And the email. He wasn't usually cocky...but around his family he was awful.

"Models.com says so." he smirked as he ran his hand through his hair again. "I went down the runway for Dolce and Gabbana though. That must count for something." he added, sounding bored. It was so different from what I felt walking down a runway. Like I was on the top of the world.

"Yeah sure, what a pain is to be in Milan."

"You're starting to talk like mom." he commented, sounding amused while I took that as a good thing. My mom was my role model.

"Is that a compliment?"

"As long as you don't start nagging too it is." he smirked wider, glancing behind me, probably at the clock.

"Are you seeing someone?" I asked and he groaned, rolling his eyes like I usually did.

"Here it goes." he muttered.

"Hey, you're so private about your life...I'm just asking!" He was always so damn touchy.

"I'm perfectly fine with being private, not everyone's an attention w.hore." he spat, getting defensive because he was a weirdo.

"Are you calling me an attention w.hore?"

"No Chloe." he groaned once again. "I'm just saying that there's nothing wrong with being a private person."

"But I'm your sister..." I explained, never understanding why I was on his list of people to keep things from. I never judged him or cared at all really as long as he was happy.

"I'm not seeing anyone." he said finally. "Are you?"

"No." I replied softly, flipping through the e-mails on my phone idly.

"Are you fucking someone?" He asked and I looked up and glared at him.

"I don't think so." I answered. He rose a brow.

"You don't think you're sleeping with someone?" He asked. "That's something you should know." I sighed. I didn't want to tell Ben about Tristan and I was pretty sure he wouldn't want Ben to know either, but I was kind of dying to talk about it.

"I like someone. But I think when we hooked up it was a one time thing." I answered, leaving out anything else...like details.

"Why? If you like him." He asked warily, probably thinking I'd went home with another photographer, or worse a model...

"I don't think he likes me as much as I like him." I answered finally. Ben nodded.

"He's stupid then." I felt my face turn into a geniune smile.

"Probably." I grinned, tempted to go hug Ben for being so sweet like I would when we were kids and he'd think it was gross. Gabe was so much like him it shocked me sometimes.

"But if you knew that anyways why'd you hook up with him?" I shrugged.

"Eight months of celibacy makes you do crazy things." I smirked. "Plus I wanted to."

"Eight months!?" He looked at me like a crazy and I nodded.

"Do you really want to hear about your sisters sex life?" I asked, not wanting to get into it anymore. Why were we talking about me anyways?

"No thanks." he made a face, "You could have done better though."

"You don't even know who I slept with." I spat back, rolling my eyes. His weird thing about my crush on Tristan was stupid. It was obvious that he didn't want his best friend to get messed up in my messed up life. Whatever.

"Not what I meant. You resisted eight months, could've done one year and set a new record." He said under his breath as if he would have done that himself. Ha.

"You wish." I wrinkled my nose as I set my feet on the edge of the stool, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"I really do." he sighed, "I hope you were careful." he was one to talk.

"Ben!" I protested, "Stop talking like you're dad."

"Dad had never talked to you like this." he smirked, loving me annoyed as usual. "Someone has to."

"Someone has to mind his own business."

"You're part of my business." he shrugged as he stood up to get his own cup.

"Yeah right, only when you decide I am." I said under my breath, trying to hide the hurt I felt from it.

"I'm a busy man." he said quietly, sipping his coffee as if I was a hobby he tried to make time for when he could instead of his sister.

"And a father and blah blah blah."

"If I was always on your case you'd hate it anyway."

"I wish you'd be my brother more and my father less." I admitted, shrugging as I sipped the last of my coffee.

"I don't want bad things to happen to you..." he trailed off, wincing as he probably thought about my past when he was so wrapped up in his own life he didn't know what was happening in mine. But I'd never blamed him for that.

"Anything bad that's ever happened to me wasn't your fault." I said seriously. "Nor would you have been able to change my pig-headed mind about doing just what I wanted to." I added, though that wasn't totally true. It was Ben who had gotten me out of the worst period of my life. Ben and Gabe. I owed them more than I could ever give back and if that meant rolling my eyes everytime he fathered me? I was okay with that.

"If dad did it I wouldn't have to." He muttered and I laughed.

"Dad is worse than you! You weren't there when he met Jack." Ben rose a brow at me.

"Dad met your ex?" I nodded. "It didn't go over too well." I shook my head.

"Dad's usually so chill, I can't see him meeting one of your boyfriends."

"You're just lucky that the only girl you've ever had mom and dad walk in on you with is sweet adorable Camille." I teased.

"Maybe you should have better taste in men." He smirked at me.

"What guy do you see me with exactly Ben? A nerdy one? I'd be bored."

"I know." he groaned, but it wasn't my fault that I didn't like boring guys. "Can't you date someone...normal?"

"Can you define normal please?"

"Some guy which has a normal job, normal family, normal friends...?" Normal job....agent? Check. Normal family, dad was dissaproving mom was a little clingy, super normal and friends? Him. So far Tristan checked off on all those things. Wait I wasn't dating him. Slow the hell down Chloe.

"God that sounds so boring." I rolled my eyes as I teased him.

"You're hopeless." he sighed and shook his head, "I guess I have to get ready for the next disaster."

"Ben!" I protested, "You said yourself I got better lately!"

"With your life? Yes? With guys? I don't think so." I started to talk since there hadn't even been any guys for a while but he stopped me. "Don't even bring up the eight months of celibacy thing please."

"It's such a boost for my selfconfidence the way you talk about me." I crossed my arms against my chest and glared at him.

"Your confidence is just fine."

"Still. You think I'm a walking disaster." I pouted this time.

"Prove me wrong. And if I'm not, you'll always have my shoulder to cry on anyway."

"What exactly do I do that you think is so bad? You were the one dating a teenager." I commented, wincing as I tried not to think about it.

"I-"

"You what? You're so much better than me because you stay out of the spotlight as much as you can? Because you knocked up your girlfriend as a minor and then dumped her when it got too tough? I might have had a rebellious phase but your track record is way worse than mine."

"That's not what happened and you know it." He growled and I shrugged.

"Who would really know though? You're such a private person." I teased, but it also kind of hurt sometimes. "Plus I never give you any shi.t about the mistakes you've made and yet you're always afraid I'm one bad decision away from ending up in rehab no matter how far I've come."

"Is that really what you think?" He asked, blinking back at me.

"It's what you show me." I shrugged. "It's okay Ben I'm used to it. Just like you're going to be used to it when you admit whatever is going on here and I do my I told you so dance." I winked, trying to bring the mood back to a little lighter since I didn't want to fight. Sometimes I think he made me out to be the bad kid to make him look good.

"I haven't said anything about whatever is going around here." I rolled my eyes.

"Of course not. Because you never tell me a damn thing."

"Where is this even coming from? Do you tell me everything?"

"Almost!"

"Like you told me you were going back to school?" He questioned, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest.

"I just told you that? When would I have before? When you were vacationing with your ex for months?"

"It wasn't months."

"Look Ben. You saved my life once, the tough love thing worked. But it's getting really fuc.king old. I know we're like the exact opposite of each other, but you have to at least pretend to like me because I'm your sister. I'm going to fu.ck up just like you will and just like everyone has. Now let's blow past this. Does Cami have any croissants?" A part of me felt bad, like I was being the worst hypocrite on the planet since in the last week I had slept with his best friend. But even before that he was always annoyed at me for some reason or another and I was really over it. I wasn't awful anymore. In fact? I never was.

"I have no idea." he said in a low monotonous voice that sounded a lot like Dad's when he got angry. Damn it.

"Cookies then?" I asked from behind him.

"Look yourself." he answered shortly as he walked out of the kitchen in a huff.

"Where are you going?"

"Away."

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, and he looked at me for less than a second before looking away.

"You can wait for Cami here if you want. Bye Chloe." he said before walking out the apartment and closing the door behind him. I groaned and ran after him. I swear the men in my life were more moody than my girlfriends.

"Ben!" I caught up to him walking down the street and he growled.

"Go home Chloe." I groaned and grabbed his hand, forcing him to stop.

"What happened here exactly?"

"Oh I don't know....you insulted my life? My family?" I widened my eyes at him.

"I was making a point Ben! Do you seriously not see my side at all!?" He shook his head.

"You're ridiculous."

"I'm serious! I feel like I'm always always working my as.s off to please my big brother! That's insane."

"That is insane." he agreed, walking away again towards the small park across the street from Cami's place. I followed him again.

"When have I ever said anything about the choices you've made Ben? I'm not saying I'm perfect I'm just pointing out that you aren't either!"

"I don't have time for this Chloe."

"So you're either criticizing me or you don't care about me at all is that it?" I shrugged, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

"No. I don't want to lose you again Chloe is that so bad!?"

"Lose me?" I blinked and he groaned.

"When you left for the states in high school and never called? Or maybe when you came back a completely different girl from the little sister who used to make me play fairy tales in the attic?"

"We both grew up Ben. We weren't kids anymore. You were raising one, and I was a mess I admit it."

"You were too caught up in being a mess to realize what it was doing to everyone around you."

"But I'm not that girl anymore! Having a one night stand doesn't put me straight back into crazy Chloe status! Everyone does that!"

"It's like you think I don't even like you." He said as if it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

"When was the last time you said something nice to me?"

"It was before." he answered and added a glare, "When I told you how you were doing good with school, or when I said that the ideas you gave me for Gabe were smart." Good with school? What I remembered him saying was "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" A backhanded compliment at best. I opened my mouth to say that but he cut me off. "You only picked the part you wanted, which was how I wish you did better choices with guys and you know I'm right about that too. You told me you had a one night stand and even if I'm no saint what did you expect me to do? Clap my hands? You need to learn how to take some fucking criticism, mostly if it's the constructive kind from someone who loves you and only wants the best for you. I don't need you to prove me anything, but I'm not going to keep my mouth shut only because you could not like what I have to say until I'll care about you. Stop acting like a victim who gets bullied by her big brother because that's not reality." I just blinked at him. Not because I had nothing to say but because I had SO much to say. He was so wrong. SO. WRONG. I wanted to yell, hell I wanted to through a damn fit. I needed to learn to take critisizm?! It was all I got from him and yet the second I say something about his life? He runs off like a pussy. And he LITERALLY told me to prove it earlier and now he says I have nothing to prove? He was contradicting himself with every word!!

"Wow." I figured that was better than what I wanted to say. "Do you have anything else to say." I added, figuring he might as well get it all out. He ran his hand through his hair like he did whenever he was nervous or pissed off.

"Yes. Don't ever bring up again Gabe and Cami with me. I'm done talking to you as long as you act like a bitch." Excuse me?! I can't talk about the one fucking thing we have in common these days?! That makes me a bitch?! His nickname for me was AWFUL and I was the bitch in this relationship? I felt like crying.

"You're not serious."

"I'm dead serious."

"Ben, what's going on?" This wasn't him. he wasn't such an asshole. I didn't think he ever bullied me, more like he took overprotective brother to a mean level, but still this? This was mean.

"I can't be around you now. I won't be able to for a while."

"Yeah like you haven't been lately you mean." I muttered under my breath. How was I suppossed to think anything else except that he didn't like me when he acted like this?

"It wasn't that bad for you was it? Leave me alone Chloe." And with that he walked away, and I was too hurt to go after him again.