there will be an answer, let it be

there will be an answer, let it be by ssaarah

 

"Dad?" I looked up from my laptop to see Chloe standing at the table in my kitchen.

"Hey Chloe." I smiled, always welcoming time with my kids since they were adults now and so busy with life and their careers. "What are you doing here?"

"Sick of me already?" She asked, slumping into the chair next to me. I shut my laptop as I looked at her, she looked tired, her eyes were dark where they were normally bright and her hair was messy at the top of her head like her mother used to do when she was too upset to think about it.

"Are you okay?" My wife might be the one who pried for information about our kids, but I wanted to know more about their lives just as much.

"Um. Yeah." She nodded absently. I reached out and squeezed her hand, thinking about just how much she looked like her mother. Both our kids took after Ava looks wise, lucky for them.

"I don't believe you." I admitted, throwing her a small grin. She smiled weakly at me.

"It must be fathers intuition." She sighed.

"Are we going to talk about it, or did you come all the way here to sit at the kitchen counter?" Chloe didn't even do her trademark eye roll at my smartass comment so I knew something must really be wrong.

"Do you have any scotch?" I shook my head.

"Nope." Chloe rolled her eyes then which made me smile.

"That's a lie." She grinned and I chided myself again in being the one to show my kids scotch helped everything. Even if it kind of did.

"Chloe." I used a sterner tone then I ususally did with my little girl and she sighed.

"I'm fighting with Ben and it's driving me nuts." she sighed. "I can't even focus properly on the good things in my life because they're being tainted by his stubborn ass!" I blinked and ran my hand through my hair. "Ugh stop looking like him." she grimaced and I blinked up at her. "He does that same thing you do with his hair when he doesn't know what to say." I felt a little stab of pride at that despite the situation.

"Okay back it up. What happened?" She licked her lips.

"If you were Ben and I told you that you knocked up Cami and then dumped her when it got too hard what would you think?" I just stared at my daughter for a while.

"I would think you were being a bitch." I said finally. Chloe's mouth dropped open.

"Dad!!!" I shrugged.

"That's a god awful thing to say Chloe, and not remotely true. What were you thinking?!" Chloe groaned and this time she was setting her head in her hands before just setting both on the table, shaking her head.

"I don't know I was so angry. It's not even what I meant!!! I was just trying to prove to Ben that good things happen even when you make mistakes and I got carried away."

"That's not at all what that sounded like." I had to admit I was a little surprised at her. I had always thought Ben took after Ames more than either of us, always in the background even though he shined. But Chloe was more like her parents. A little wild, a little unpredictable, always looking for her next rush or her next love and that had been bad enough. But I had never known her to be outright mean.

"I know. I tried to explain but he's stuck on that one thing and it's maddening. I didn't mean it so get the fuck over it!"

"Chloe." She rolled her eyes.

"Don't mother me dad, your mouth is worse than mine." I didn't respond to that....or mention that once upon a time? So was her mothers.

"Ben loves you Chloe. I'm sure he can forgive a little thing after he stews about it for a while." I said finally, but that just seemed to make her mad.

"See this is the problem with us though! I'm admitting to my mistakes, to saying the wrong thing, but he never owns up to treating me like shit!"

"What are you talking about?" Chloe groaned. She even stamped her feet a little. I swear I hadn't seen her tantrum like this since she was nine and I told her she couldn't have a pony.

"Am I really the only one who sees it?" She asked desperatley. "Forget that, even if I was, don't my feelings matter to him? If I told you I thought you were treating me badly wouldn't you listen? Wouldn't you try to change even if you didn't think you were doing anything wrong?"

"Again. Back it up. What did Ben do exactly?" I felt so out of the loop I almost wanted to record this conversation so I could play it back for my wife to see if I missed anything.

"Nothing specific." She threw her hands up. "I know I was a hot mess once upon a time and I know I don't have my life all together like he does with his perfect family, but not everyone finds true love at age five!!!" At this point I was trying not to smirk. She was rambling, but it seemed like she was getting out some frustration.

"Are you upset that Cami and Ben are back together?" I asked slowly, trying to gauge her reactions.

"No! God, no. I want them to be together, they deserve to be together but....I feel like he treats me like I'm the big family joke. Being "Awful Chloe" all the time fu.cking hurts. I want him to respect me even half as much as I do him!" I nodded, slowly understanding.

"Did you tell him that?" I asked, knowing Ben was a reasonable person and also that he'd never want to intentionally hurt Chloe, though I knew he probably still had some unresolved issues with her even if he didn't know it. He'd been forced to grow up fast when he became a dad, and Chloe was still living her life as a twenty something girl. There was a gap between them that wasn't eithers fault, but could put a strain on their relationship.

"Mostly I just yelled at him." she sighed. "he just get's so annoying! And I've tried so hard to apologize, to talk about it. It's like he doesn't want me in his life anymore Dad. It's like since I don't fit into his idea of what a sister should be? I'm not important enough to be his. I'm so insignificant in his life that he can cut me out of it without even a second thought." I saw tears bubble up in her eyes and my chest ached as I saw the pain this was causing her. I reached out for her chair and pulled her closer to me.

"That's not true Chloe." I said seriously as she set her head against my chest and I relived all the times she'd done this as a little girl. But scraped knees and stolen toys were so much easier to deal with than adult feelings. I kind of missed the old days.

"It is."

"How old are you again? 6?" I looked down at my little girl who tilted her head up to stick her tongue out at me. "Oh even younger then. Well finally Gabe will have someone in the family his age to play with."

"Are you seriously taking Ben's side on this?!" She pouted and I laughed.

"Hell no. I'm not taking anyones side." I replied seriously, never wanting to be in the middle of drama, especially my kids drama.

"But-"

"Look, what you said to Ben might take a while to get over. Cami is a sore subject for him, or was. He gave up everything to be a Dad and that included her. There aren't many people who would do that for their kid. I don't know if I would have been able to if it had been me and Ava. Saying that he left her on purpose? That would probably break his heart all over again." I watched as Chloe's eyes took in my words, as if hearing it from a different perspective for the first time.

"You're right. I wasn't even thinking when I said that I was just, spewing words." she sighed. "Poor Ben."

"But you're probably in the right too Chlo. I don't think Ben treats you badly, but he does treat you differently. You're his baby sister."

"It would be one thing if he was just over protective....but calling me awful all the time....making jokes to friends about what a hot mess I am, that stuff gets back to me. Even if it's true it hurts."

"Ben started calling you awful before he even knew what the word meant. It just stuck. And the other stuff? He might tease you, to your face or to other people but if someone else was to say something? You'd better believe he'd come straight to your defense." I'd heard it on more than one occasion. When your sister and your mother were both in demand models? Damn I wasn't really sure how Ben handled that. I'm sure all his friends said some awful stuff.

"I wish I believed that." Chloe winced. "I mean I would have a few years ago, but lately I feel like he just doesn't respect me."

"Maybe you should have told him that." I pointed out. "But telling him what you did? That just says you don't respect him either." Chloe nodded.

"Damn Dad you might be better than my shrink." She admitted, running her hands through her hair as she sat back in her chair.

"I'm telling your mother you said that."

"Did Mom really catch Ben and Cami trying to make baby number two at BMM?" I asked, smirking as I thought about how that could have gone.

"You know if you don't want Ben to gossip about you? You probably shouldn't gossip about him. But yes. Made her feel "old"" She was always saying she felt old. Damn woman had barely aged since she turned 40, she was still a damn knockout.

"Please! You two fool around in her office all the time like two lovesick teenagers." Chloe shook her head and I rose a brow at her. "People gossip about you too." She teased and I laughed.

"Well it's good to hear I'm still relevant." Chloe laughed, her real true laugh that sounded surprisingly like mine, not like Ava's when she was the spitting image of her mother in most ways.

"You'll always be relevant to me Daddy." She said, reaching out to wrap her arms around me. "And thanks."

"Ava's going to be so jealous you came to me." I laughed and Chloe pulled away.

"Way to ruin it." she shook her head. I laughed again and stood up, pulling her towards the kitchen.

"Come on Princess, let's go get some ice cream."