bmm; so many things say if only i were able....

bmm; so many i'd say if only i were able.... by ssaarah 

Monday, May 6th; Brunch at the Lindsells, a BMM tradition that the gorgeous couple carry on. It's mandatory and bring some courage along with that appetite; your ranks will be discussed.

Chloe;

I wasn’t tipsy enough. Not that I didn’t enjoy brunch at my parents, but more I just didn’t really enjoy being sober when I wasn’t working. Though Camden, a tall ash haired model was making it admittedly more interesting. He pushed my hair out of my face and shot me a killer grin. The conversation wasn’t all that intriguing, but he sure was pretty.

“I like your dress.” He commented, his eyes taking in my legs as I smirked.

“Not too short?” I asked, baiting him of course.

“Could be shorter.” He grinned and I was about to reply when-

"Chloe!"

"Ben?" I looked at my brother, dressed semi-formal and looking handsome and put together…and intimidating to any man I might try to talk to. Which he loved.  "He is-" I started to introduce Camden but he interrupted.

"I know him already." Ben said and offered a smile to the guy, clearly playing his favorite cocky game, loving when the unwilling player just played right along and Camden was no different.  He didn’t even argue, although it was clear they had never met.

"Yeah right, we met at that fashion show..." He trailed off, keeping vague. Ben just nodded as he smirked, looking so much like our father and avoiding my glare,

"I have to steal my sister from you, her boyfriend sent me to find her." …..and that was classic Ben. Except that if I really had a boyfriend? He’d hate that too.

"Right, sure." He muttered, and I pouted as my brother pulled me away before I shimmied out of his hold.

 "Why do you have to ruin my life always?!" I groaned, over reacting was my specialty of course but for gods sake he couldn’t even let me talk to a guy?  

"A better question would be, why do you have to ruin your life yourself?" Ben retorted, faking a thoughtful face.

"I was just having a little fun Ben, leave me alone! I'm not 16 anymore!" I hissed as I kept glaring at him. Ben’s face turned serious as he shook his head, "He's married." Oh please. He might be a good enough actor to fool most people, but I knew better.

“First of all bullshiit” I started, narrowing my eyes on my brother even though I knew it had no effect. “Secondly? It’s not my fault if they don’t tell me their married.” I shrugged and grabbed a mimosa from a waiter. Ben just shook his head.

“Awful.” He ran his hands through his hair and I smirked. He looked tired, but still handsome as always. Lindsell’s had good genes, lucky us.

“He was kind of an idiot.” I shrugged it off and Ben just looked at me.

“I will never understand you.” I gave him a face.

“Oh because you’re the relationship expert? Mr. Runs away when she starts liking you too much?”

“That’s different.” He said in a deep voice that he used when he didn’t want to talk about things.

“Oh blah blah you have to put your son first, blah blah you can’t get serious. OR reading between the lines “I'm still hung up on the mother of my child” and everything would be so much easier if you just got back with her””

“Chloe.” Ben warned me, admittedly I must annoy him about it, I mentioned it every day, but I was right and eventually they would both see that.

“I'm just saying it would be an easy fix! Then you would finally be actually happy, Gabe would have his parents together, and Cami would get laid which let’s be honest she needs.” My brother groaned.

“Dear god, please stop talking now.” he said, his face looking a little strained. I shrugged at him but he knew I always spoke my mind. If he didn’t want to hear it? He shouldn’t talk to me.  “Where’s Gabe staying anyways?” I asked. “Isn’t Cami coming?” he nodded.

“He’s at her parents.” I sighed.

“Too bad, I could use the little cutie for someone to talk to.” Ben raised his eye at me.

“Yeah, five year olds are fantastic conversationalists.” I laughed.

“Better than you.” I winked and looked around the room my eyes landing on a tall handsome man who’s ass was damn impressive. Until he turned around and I realized it was Tristan Williams….whatever.  He was nice to look at at least.

"What's so interesting?" Ben asked, probably noticing me checking out his friend and disapproving.

"Nothing." I paused to think about the lie and came up with a lame one, "I was looking for mom and dad."

"Yeah sure because you love them so much." He teased and I narrowed my eyes on him. I might have some issues that would be better worked through with my shrink, but still I loved my family.

"Cut it Ben." I narrowed my eyes on him as I sipped my drink slowly.

"Oh look who doesn't want to talk about a certain subject now." he smirked as he kept teasing, though for what reason I wasn’t totally sure.

"Do you want to ruin my day?" I asked since he was well on his way.

"Only if you're going to cry." he smirked wider as he grabbed my glass and set it on the tray.  

"You wish."

"And stomp your feel too." he added, totally ignoring me. I ran my hands through my hair as I tried not to attack him with everything I knew would push his buttons.

“Dear god you're such a jerk sometimes." I said instead but he didn’t even have the decency to look bothered, or maybe he just wasn’t.  

"I got it from dad probably."

"Don't talk like this about dad!!" I yelled back at him.

"He hasn't always been the amazing perfect dad you know." I wasn’t an idiot I knew dad was no angel, but he was still our dad and he did deserve to have his children at least pretend they didn’t know everything about him. After all he’d been a perfect dad as long as he’d been a dad. At least as long as I could remember.

"Where's your date?" I asked as I ignored him completely, picking a new subject all together.  

"I have no idea but not here," He paused to grab my elbow and pull me into his arms, squeezing me body tightly against him because he thought I hated it but he was wrong. I loved it instead. I liked being taken care of, being the little sister, just not when it was annoying and more when it was precious instead.

"I'm stuck with you, aren't you super happy?"

“A little. Maybe.” I admitted, leaning my head against Ben’s shoulder. He shook his head, but he was smirking. I know. I was confusing. I might hate the way my brother talked to me. But he was still my brother, and the only sibling I had. And I loved him more than anything.

“Weirdo.” He rolled his eyes but squeezed me against him again as we made it to the table in the front. Not the head table of course. We might be spoiled rotten but when it came to work? Our parents were pretty professional. We were a part of the company so we had to sit with the other models just like everyone else. I liked that. Not that I wouldn’t like sitting with my parents, but I liked that I wasn’t always just an Alere/Lindsell. I was a Chloe too. I was weird. I grabbed another mimosa on my way to my seat and Ben raised his brow at me.

“What?” he made a face and I groaned. I swear I my brother didn’t know how to have any fun.

“How many of those have you had?”

“Not enough.” I replied, taking a sip and letting the bubbles coat my throat.

“Maybe you should have coffee instead.” I glared at him.

“I had coffee when I woke up. Too much caffeine is bad for you.” I smirked, chuckling at how hypocritical that was.

“Yes and too much champagne is good.”

“Orange juice. I need my vitamin C.”

“Then you should have a virgin mimosa instead.” He shot back. I snorted and crossed one leg over the other.

“There’s nothing virgin about me Ben.” My brother groaned. “Should I stop talking again?” he didn’t answer just looked up at the guy walking up to him. A.K.A. his boyfriend.

“I see your sister is your date again.” He teased Ben as they did that weird guy bump hand shake thing that was so weird.

“I think you are instead.” I grinned at Tristan, ignoring how damn good he looked in a suit.

“No I'm way out of his league instead.” Tristan grinned and chatted up my brother about some girl I didn’t care about while I pretended that he wasn’t talking at all and instead just there for me to undress with my eyes. I wasn’t a huge fan of him. Mostly because he didn’t like me….or maybe that’s why I did like him. Either way it was fucked up. But I was fucked up so…there you go.

“If you’re my date why are you ignoring me?” I interrupted after way too long of their bromance.

"Because you're boring." Ben said flatly as he glanced at me, not liking being interrupted. I just narrowed my eyes on him but before I could speak Tristan laughed. Fu.ck his laugh was even sexy.

"Plus, you don't get all the good sides of a real date."

"Meaning?" I snapped at him.

"Talking about dates…” I tuned them out again. They were the boring ones. I didn’t care about anyone my brother was interested in unless it was Cami, and I didn’t want to hear about Tristan’s girls at all.

"I can't believe you're ignoring me again."  I said again under my breath, but loud enough for them to hear anyways. If I was sticking around him he could at least talk to me. He just rolled his eyes at me and stuck out his hand at his friend.

"You know Tristan, right?"

 "Of course I do, he's the only one who doesn't want to hire me." I said with a disgusted expression.

 "I wouldn't either." he teased and Tristan laughed while I fumed. What was his fucking problem lately?!  

"I'll talk with you later." Tristan said before glancing at me and walking away, giving me a great view of that ass again. 

"Don't even think about it." Ben warned me, but if he wanted to take every opportunity to fu.ck with me? I’d do the same.

“Too late….” I trailed off thinking about all the ways I had already thought about it. Honestly it was too late years ago when he’d first turned me down, but my brother didn’t know that.

“Chloe.” Ben’s voice was harsh and with most people he got his way, but I was his sister, and I usually got my way too.

“What?” I blinked back at him, giving him my best innocent face.”

“He’s not the guy for you.” He replied seriously, sitting down and grabbing some of the food in the center that no one else was going near. Just stared at him.

“The guy for me?” I smirked. “I'm not trying to marry him.” I chuckled at the thought and Ben shook his head.

“Still no.” I wonder if he knew that his persistent denial only made his friend more off limits and therefore more attractive to me? Probably only for one night, but still. He wasn’t doing himself any favors.

“I'm pretty every guy is not the guy for me in your opinion.” I spat back, taking a croissant as well and spreading it with Nutella. I was suddenly starving.

“Not true. I'm hoping you marry soon, a super nerd hopefully and then I can stop worrying about you.” He actually looked frustrated.

“Your “worrying about me” is annoying. Especially since you act like you can’t stand me at every other time.” I said the last part under my breath, knowing that Ben would take it hard since I knew he loved me. But ever since he stopped being happy he was less of a brother and more of an asshole. I tried to ignore it, because it wasn’t his fault. But sometimes I missed the protectiveness sans the smartass behavior.  Ben stopped eating and turned his head, looking offended but I wasn’t really all that caring about his feelings right now.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Nothing." I muttered before stuffing my mouth with my…repeat….my….croissant and glancing away. He kept silent a few seconds, probably thinking of more ways to insult me to make himself feel better.

"Do you really think I can't stand you?" he asked, raising one eyebrow at me, not giving me any actual  time to answer though, "Did you think I'd be here being your babysitter if I didn't care about you?" See….that was the thing. I didn’t need a babysitter anymore at all but he was always in Dad mode now. I just needed a brother, a friend.

"I don't need a babysitter Ben, I'm not 10 anymore." I spat back.

"You get yourself in trouble all the time, if you were an angel I wouldn't worry."

"Too bad mom and dad didn't have another daughter, maybe you would've liked her more." I said with an amused tone, which only irked him more I'm sure.

"I'm done with this conversation." he announced eventually, his stubborn steak way too much like mom’s….and then he was silent. For too long.

"Ben..." I started.

"You know that I adore you Chloe, if you can't see that I don't know what else to say." he just shrugged and leaned back against his chair, running his hands through his hair. I sighed, giving in because it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t get it. Hopefully he would eventually. I softened and gave him a genuine smile.

“I never said that you didn’t Benji.”  He made a face.

“Oh god, not that again.” He shook his head but I saw a trace of a smile in his eyes. I had stopped calling him Benji when I had turned double digits. But every so often I brought it back. Remembering my happy go lucky brother who didn’t have a care in the world.

“I love you too.” I added, it was too cheesy though so I made a show of downing the rest of my mimosa. I knew my brother meant well, knew that his life wasn’t what he’d always dreamed of and that he at least wanted to give me what he never had when he became a father so young. But first of all, I was already older than him when he had Gabe, and secondly? I wasn’t stupid. Not that he and Cami had necessarily been either but he had had what I’d never had. And that was real love. What he didn’t want for me? Was something I wanted more than anything. I’d just never actually admit it because….well because it was pretty scary in my book.

“Mhmm.” He shook his head and refilled his own drink. Hypocrite. As I grabbed another.

“Exactly how many of those have you had Chloe?” I turned around to see my mother. Still beautiful, we often got mistaken for sisters by those who didn’t know us, but then again not many people didn’t know my parents.

“You sound like Ben.” I replied darkly, sipping it anyways because I had a rebellious streak that hadn’t gone away yet. How was it that when my brother was basically a teen dad I still ended up the black sheep of the family again?

“He’s probably right.” Mom smirked at me, her eyes sparkling as dad came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. Ridiculous. Their story was nothing short of a miracle and it wasn’t fair of them to bring children into the world and subject them to their lovey dovey disgustingness. Even Ben rolled his eyes.

“Hi daddy.” I smiled. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother. Hell my whole family was the most important part of my life, but everyone knew I was a daddy’s girl at heart.

“Hey princess.” He smiled, leaning in and giving me a kiss on the cheek.  “You look lovely.” Mom nodded.

“You do.” She replied, pushing my hair out of my eyes and taking a second to rest her palm on my cheek.

“What am I chopped liver?” Ben said under his breath and Dad slapped him on the back.

“You look lovely also.” He said, laughing at his own joke. I chuckled as mom clearly tried to hold back a laugh.

"So funny dad, you should be a comedian." Ben retorted in a monotone, but he was still smiling.  "And for the record, a hi would be enough, I'm not looking for girly compliments."

 "You're just jealous." I grinned before sticking my tongue out at him.

"Of what? Being treated like I'm still 6? No thanks." His cocky ass smirk widened  as I glared at him.

"You're the usual smartass." Mom said, shaking her head at her first son.

"Really mom, what are you two going to do next? Brush her hair?" Ben pushed the subject, probably just to piss me off more. But before I could even retort? Dad started laughing.

"That's a good one son."

 "You're just like your dad." Mom sighed and shook her head, looking resigned but also smiling. In her language being like my dad was a compliment.

"That's why I'm your favorite." Ben smirked at her before winking back at me.  

"Blah blah are you still playing favorites? Really?" I snorted as I crossed my arms over my chest.

 "Don't worry princess, you're my favorite sister always." he said with a straight face which didn't last more than a bunch of seconds before being replaced with a more amused one. And he said he didn’t want to be treated like he was six. Maybe because they were afraid it would encourage his already immature behavior. I looked at mom.

"Are you sure he's older than me?" I asked.

"Are you sure she's my sister?" Ben cocked his head to the side and followed my gaze.

“Well, let’s see Cor….we conceived Ben when we were on vacation in London right?” Dad smirked.

“Yes exactly, I remember because you were-“ Ben and I both covered our ears.

“NO MORE!” I shook my head, squeezing my eyes tightly as my parents chuckled, I smacked my brother. “This is your fault.” I narrowed my eyes on him and he shook his head.

“Yeah, I really wanted to hear that.” He shot Dad a wince and he shrugged.

“You asked.” Ben rolled his eyes and looked at his glass.

“I need another.” He said flatly making me fold my arms over my chest.

“Exactly how many of those have you had Benjamin?” I asked, doing a mom impression so perfectly that even she grinned.

“She got you there.” Dad smiled at Ben, who was rolling his eyes again even though he was smiling. It was funny, while I had been told my whole life that I was basically a mini Ava? Ben had the looks from both our parents. No wonder he was so handsome. Too bad he couldn’t use his looks to win back his girlfriend. Oh wait. He could if he’d just try.

“We’re going to go to our table, but are we still on for dinner on Sunday?” Ben and I nodded.

“Gabe’s excited to see his grandparents.” Ben agreed as I nodded. Mom winced.

“I still don’t like grandparent.” She admitted, running a finger through her still silky blonde hair. Dad kissed her head.

“It’s been five years of being one baby. You’re old now. Give it up” he winked but mom shook her head and wrinkled her nose at him.

“Never.” She gave me a wink and I sighed, taking a second to be jealous instead of disgusted by their everlasting happiness.

“Do you think we’ll ever find that?” I asked my brother offhandedly, not even quite realizing I said it out loud. “You know. Perfect spouse, perfect job, 2 kids a boy and a girl?” It even sounded unbelievable when I said it.

“They might be perfect, but we’re far from it.” Ben said back and if I heard correctly it was almost as wistfully as I had been speaking. I turned to him.

“Do you think they hate us a little for being such fuck ups?”

"Talk for yourself, I'm not a fuck up." Ben raised one eyebrow at me as he smirked a little. I hit his side, frowning,

"I'm serious, you idiot."

"I am too." he frowned and looked back at me, making me wonder what exactly he was thinking, because even though we used to act like twins even? He’d changed a lot. I guess he really did think of me as the only fuck up.  

"Come on, can't you just tell me your opinion without being a smartass?" I protested, feeling genuinely frustrated, "Please!" Ben sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, giving up and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, leading me to the bar like the silly hypocrite he was.

"Being a smartass is in my nature, but I'll make an exception for you." I looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, but relaxed in his hold anyways,

"Thanks, you're too good to me." I said sarcastically.

"I can tell you that no parent hates his kids, I don't think it's possible." He started, his eyes going soft, probably thinking about Gabe. When I said that he had changed? It wasn’t all bad. In fact I saw more of the old Ben when he was with his son then I ever did. He was a great father.

"Well maybe hate is a strong word..." I trailed off, resting my head against his shoulder without even a second thought.  “Disappointment maybe fits better." He glanced down at me as we stopped in front of the counter. He let me goo and sat on the stool in front while he looked back at me.

"Why? What did you ever do so wrong?" he asked, looking genuinely interested which shocked me since I could barely do anything right at all. I just shrugged,

"Don't you call me awful for a reason?"

"Because I like teasing you." he smiled, "But really you could be so much worse."

"Is it supposed to be a compliment?" I asked back, feeling myself grin anyways because it actually was.

"You're welcome. You didn't even get pregnant so far." he joked, sighing and watching me smirk back at him since he had done just that himself and he was still the good kid. True, mom and dad hadn’t been thrilled about it at first….mostly mom. But it had turned out good in the end anyways, while I was still crazy wild Chloe.

“Thank god for that.” I said making a face. “I’d make an awful mom.” Ben’s eyes snapped up at me.

“What are you talking about? You’re like a totally different person with Gabe…” he trailed off, and honestly that was true.

“Sure, but I'm just the aunt.” I smirked. “I get all the awesome parts of being a parent without all the responsibilities.” I winked and Ben smirked.

“Still, I think you’d surprise everyone…” I took a second to let his ridiculous compliment sink in before returning to my silly self.

“Yes. Maybe I should start looking for sperm doners.” Ben’s soft smile tightened and he narrowed his eyes on me.

“Seriously? I will lock you in a room for forever.” He stated and honestly? I believed him. Thank god he and Cami had a son and not a daughter, he’d drive the poor girl nuts.

“That’s abuse Benji.” I grinned.

“You know if you’d just meet a nice guy, with no hang ups about girls, with no weird kinks, nothing against relationships, and someone who could handle you and make you truly happy? I would be happy. Really.” I laughed.

“I don’t believe you.” I replied. “Plus a guy with no weird kinks would never be able to handle me or make me truly happy” I smirked into my drink and Ben got up.

“I have so had enough of you for today.” He replied, walking towards a pretty girl on the other side of the room.

“I love you too!”