I can't stop missing you.

I can't stop missing you. by pinklipstiiick featuring a smashbox kit

A body collided into mine, me not even needing to look at his face to know it was him. “Jacquelyn," Dean widened his eyes, looking so good that for a moment I couldn't even speak. I already knew that I missed him, but being here and seeing him again? God, I missed him so fucking bad it hurt. His gaze felt intense and I wished I could force myself to speak, giving him a smile instead. “I'm sorry I didn’t see you coming out…” He trailed off and I shook my head, slowly coming back to reality.
 
‘It’s fine," I licked my lips since my mouth suddenly felt dry. His eyes glanced down to my lips and I noticed that look in his eye, knowing that he wanted to kiss me as bad as I wanted to kiss him. “Hi," I said finally after a few moments of tension filled silence. 

 
“Hey," His eyes lingered over my face before roaming down my body. “I didn’t think you would come.” 
 
“I was starting to think the same thing about you….I haven’t heard from you," I ran my fingers through my hair and blinked, looking down at the ground because it was literally breaking my heart all over again just looking at him. 

He reached out for my chin and tilted it back up, “I haven’t heard from you either.” 

"Because I love you," I said quietly, honestly and painfully. I couldn't even believe that only a month had gone by when it felt like an eternity. "It's hard getting over you when we're texting back and forth... sitting around and waiting for your calls."

"So it's easier to just up and stop?" He said pointblank, making me feel guilty. I felt a never ending pang of guilt when I thought about everything that had happened, doubting my decision and wondering what I would do if I could go back in time. Only, I knew that I couldn't. We were stuck with the choices we made.

I sighed and shook my head, "No. Of course it wasn't easy. I miss you Dean. I know that it broke your heart, me not going with you, but I hurt too."

He parted his lips while I hung on his every word, waiting for something, anything. Instead he picked his bag back up and brushed past me into his old bedroom, "I need to put my things away and get back out there before Garrett comes looking for me."

I followed behind him and watched him bend over, opening the back up while searching for something in it. My eyes took in his body, every inch and muscle. He was literally flawless, I wanted to close the door behind me and undress him, spending every second he had left in Texas wrapped up in his arms. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked, wondering if me coming to the part was a bad idea, even when it was Dean who invited me in the first place. Then again, a lot happened over the past month and we weren't even talking anymore. That killed me. 

He turned back around and blinked at me, “Are you kidding?” 

I looked around the room, it feeling like just yesterday that we were having a lazy day in his bed, him spoiling me with a dozen orgasms. “I don’t want to make things worse," I said finally, looking back into his eyes. 

“It would be hard to make it worse Jac.”

“Dean…” I shut the door to his bedroom before taking slow steps towards him, “I never meant to hurt you.” 

“It’s not your fault," He shook his head. “We both went in to this knowing it could end….knowing it probably would end.”

“How is it? Your new life….” 

He looked like he was contemplating my words and his answer, part of me hoping his new life wasn't as great as he expected. But honestly? I wanted the best for him, even if that didn't mean me.

“Sucks," He admitted, laughing a little at the irony of it all. 

I widened my eyes at his honesty, “I'm sorry….at least you have Kiley there though right?” 

“I'm pretty sure Kiley is having an affair with our boss," He replied back, leaving me with a relieved feeling since I was almost positive that his ex would make a move on him... she didn't seem over him when she came to visit at least.

“….classy," I said sarcastically, clearly not Kiley's biggest fan. I didn't even like her a little bit.

He nodded with a weak smile, “How about you?”

"I've been keeping busy," I answered back, crossing my arms over my chest and looking around the room; at the bed, the walls, the empty desk, anywhere but Dean basically.

"Oh?"

"With work," I added and looked at him again, that heavy feeling in my chest every time we made eye contact. I'd been thinking about this day, the first time we'd see each other since he left, all week and I wasn't sure what I expected but this wasn't going so well.

"I see," He replied with a nod, sitting down on the edge of his bed with his hands clasped in front of him. If things were even slightly different, I'd sit on his lap and kiss him until we forgot our problems... but life wasn't as easy as it was in movies. "How are you though?"

"I'm doing better," I admitted while he nodded, probably in the same boat as me. I wasn't great, but compared to last month? Anything was better than that. "I miss you though," I said when he didn't reply.

“Saying I miss you would be an understatement Jac," He admitted, looking into my eyes and for the first time it wasn’t awkward. “If I can go half an hour without thinking about you it’s a miracle.”

I tried to bite back my smile, wanting to break the distance between us even if it were just for a hug. “You should have called…” I trailed off, my voice so soft I wouldn't have been surprised if he missed my words. I broke the eye contact and started picking at my nails, feeling vulnerable and like I might've said too much. 

“I didn’t want to bother you.” 

“It wouldn’t have bothered me.”

“….you’re right," He said after processing my words. “I should have called.” 

“Are you seeing someone?” I asked point blank, afraid of his answer. The idea of him with someone else? It killed me.

“No Jac I'm in love with you.”

“But I'm not with you.” 

He shook his head and let out a deep breath, “I wouldn’t want to see anyone else and I’d probably just make them miserable if I did.” 

I let the corners of my mouth tilt up slowly, “You made me pretty miserable on our first date and I still ended up falling for you.” 

His eyes lingered on my face, skimming over my lips for a brief moment and making me that much more desperate for a kiss. “I'm a lucky man," He said, his words stabbing at me since he chose to walk away from that luck. And for what? A job that paid a little more than what he was making at Allure? At least here in Texas he'd have his family... And me.

"Were," I corrected him before even realizing I'd said it. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, maybe not realizing what he said himself. "You were a lucky man..." I trailed off, letting my eyes hold his gaze for as long as I could manage. It wasn't even a full minute before I had to look away.

"Jac," He started then stopped, taking my hand and giving it the smallest of tugs. I took a step closer, stepping between his legs and looking at him again. "I wanted you to come with me... Hell, I begged you to come. Don't make me out to be the bad guy."

I shook my head, "Is that what you think? That I'm mad at you or -"

"No," He cut me off and shook his head, "But I'm the one who left."

I smiled weakly, running my thumb over his knuckles while looking into his eyes, so gorgeous and hypnotizing. "Fine then, you can be the bad guy," I smiled more genuinely, thankful for moments like this where it didn't feel so awkward. "You're still pretty amazing though."

His grin made my heart melt, it was aching actually. "I miss you," He said honestly, using his other hand to cup behind my knee and guide me onto his lap.

I sat down on his knee, tilting my head and kissing his cheek before laying it on his shoulder. "I miss you too," I said quietly, wishing he knew just how bad I missed him... and how I felt bad still for not going with him.
He wrapped his strong arms around me tighter as he laid back on his old bed, bringing me with him and cradling me against his  chest. It felt like no time had passed and we were still... us. “I'm still lucky. I’ll always be lucky to have had you," He said honestly, holding me closer in a few moments of actually sweet silence. It felt nice being in his arms again, like we belonged together. “I found a place you would have loved. The kitchen was huge. High ceilings with windows that looked into the sky, a balcony overlooking the city….”

“It sounds incredible. Maybe I should come visit," I said sweetly and he hugged me tighter to him.

“I didn’t get it.”

I propped myself up a little so that I could look down at him, trying to read his expression since I couldn't read the mood or anything else about what was going on right now. “Why not?”

“Be in a place that would remind me of you every day?” He shook his head, “That would be torture. I got the ugliest apartment in Vancouver I think," He laughed a little at his joke, trying to lighten the heavy mood since we were both in the same position.

“I'm always in a place that reminds me of you every day," I replied seriously, feeling sad since I felt him everywhere. Hell, I was even sure I had seen him a few times when really it was just someone who had the same build as him. I walked past his office every day, thinking back on all the time we had wasted avoiding each other in the halls. If we didn't waste those years? Where would we be now?

“I'm sorry," He said honestly.

I shrugged, not wanting him to feel bad for me. “Like you said, you begged me to come with you," I whispered softly, my voice slightly breaking.

He reached out to tangle his fingers in my hair, pulling my face closer to his in what felt like slow motion before stopping. “I'm going to kiss you," He said almost against my lips.

“Please," I whispered again and then he was pressing his lips against mine and I couldn't remember a sweeter kiss, couldn't remember ever wanting anything as much as it. I let out a little moan, knowing that was his weakness and wanting to drive him crazy one more time.

“Jacquelyn….” He moaned against my mouth before kissing me harder, wrapping his body over mine as I tangled my legs with his, trying to get as close to each other as humanly possible.

"Mm?" I mumbled, nuzzling his neck and breathing in his scent. He smelt so good, felt so good, I couldn't keep my hands off of him no matter how hard I tried.

"You drive me crazy when you do that," He said with a groan, my head pulling back to look at him as the first genuine smile of the night played on my lips. When Thea invited me to Garrett's birthday and that Dean would be there, I told her I'd think about it. I didn't know how it would be since we had stopped talking to each other over the past few days, both of us trying to get over heartache. It still hurt seeing him, but I would have regretted it if I didn't come.

"Do what?" I played innocent and let my body do the opposite, setting my hands on his chest and propping my body up so our hips were aligned and I was straddling him. My hands slid up and down, working their way under his shirt to feel his abs. His body was my weakness... along with the rest of him. He grinned back at me and did the same, slipping his hands under  where my skirt ended, caressing my thighs in the process. "I love the way your hands feel on me," I said quietly, lowering my head and kissing him again.

He looked at me with an unreadable expression, making me wonder what was going on in his head and if this was too hard for him. Honestly, it'd be too hard to stop. "What else?" He asked, snaking his hands around my body to rest on my ass.

I smirked down at him, biting my lip as I looked into his eyes and wanted to keep kissing him. "When you tease me," I said before pressing another kiss against his soft lips.

“Tease you?” He choked out. “It’s been a month Jac I don’t have it in me to tease…"

“A long month," I whispered, his mouth back on mine as if he was just  as desperate as I was.  

“Yes," He agreed, slipping a hand up my shirt and holding my waist, his hands feeling right on my body. I felt his touch everywhere, my body burning for more. “I miss you so much baby.” 

A wave of emotions hit me; love for this man, hurt that he left me, sadness because I knew that after tonight we'd both end up going our separate ways ago. It was all confusing. “I love you Dean," I whispered as I grounded myself against him and he pushed back just as hard, leaving me aching. He rolled on top of me and held his hands on either side of my head as he looked down at my flushed face.

“Why?” He whispered back in a strangled voice, breaking my heart a little more. “Why did you say you’d come and then change your mind?” He swallowed. “What did I do wrong?” 

I reached up for him, pulling his face back down. He nuzzled against my neck while I tried reminding myself how to breath, how to function properly. “You didn't  do anything wrong…” I trailed off, wishing I knew the right words to make this better. 

“I did. I lost you. That’s the most wrong thing that’s ever happened to me.”

"You didn't lose me, I'm right here," I tilted my head to a side, freeing up more of my skin for him since his lips felt heavenly on me. 

He let out a soft laugh against me, parting his lips and sucking on my neck. It made me wonder if tomorrow I'd wake up alone with only a few marks on my body to remember Dean by.... the thought alone made me sad, made me want to fight harder to hold on to what we had together. "You know what I mean Jac," He said in a more serious tone, pressing his hips back against mine and making a quiet moan escape me. The friction was too much to handle. "Turn around."

I did as he said without another word, feeling his hand slide up my back to unzip me. He peeled the dress from my body, having me get on my knees so he could lift the fabric over my head only to toss it beside the bed. "When are you leaving?" I tilted my head up as he pressed his body into mine from behind, lifting my hand to tangle my fingers in his hair. Our faces weren't more than an inch apart, close enough to kiss again but I just smiled weakly at him.  

He shook his head while staring at me, “I hate that….” 

"You hate what?”

“When you smile like that…”

“Dean…” I trailed off and looked at the ground, once again feeling that heavy burden that this was all on me and I could have prevented that. He scooped me back up into his strong arms and pulled me down onto the bed, kissing my forehead. “Why did you get that fucking job?!” I asked against his chest, my hand fisting his shirt.

“Why did you end up being the world’s most perfect woman? I think that’s your fault," He teased, trying to make light of a moment that really just broke my heart more than it already was. 

I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him down to my lips and kissing him. “Show me how much you missed me," I said against his mouth, pulling him on top of me. He kissed me hard, sliding his tongue against mine and running his hands along the curve of my hip. “Please….” I whispered, arching my hips up to meet his. 

He groaned and cursed under his breath, proving that he wasn't yet over me. “Do you want me right now because you want me or because it’s easier than talking about how you feel?” 

“Both," I admitted. “What about you?” 

He swallowed and closed his eyes before looking down at me, “I just love you Jac….I love you and I'm a selfish asshole who will take from you whatever you’re willing to give me.”

I took a deep breath as his confession hit me like a ton of bricks, part of me wanting to bury my face in his neck and just cry as he held me. I couldn't do that though. "Take off your pants," I said instead, making my own effort to get him undressed by peeling his shirt over his head. My fingers raked down his chest before he had the chance to speak or even move, already unbuckling his pants.

His hands stopped mine, pinning them above my head as my breathing hitched. Lowering his head, he ran his tongue along the swells of my breasts, getting a quiet moan that came out as more of a whimper while I craved more. "We have all night Jac..." He ran his fingertips down my arm, snaking it behind my back and unclasping my bra.

"It's not enough," I said seriously, knowing that I'd take any minute with him that I was given.... any second. 

"I can stop," He replied, already removing my bra from my body. 

"I think I'd die if you stopped," I lifted my hips up when his hands found my panties, his body adjusting between my legs to slide the panties down them. 

He took a second to take in my naked body, slowly devouring me inch by inch with his gaze. “I thought I said not to stop," My voice was raspy and filled with the same need I felt.

“I thought I’d had you memorized but fuck it’s so much better in reality…..” He brushed his thumb over one of my nipples, watching it instantly pucker at his touch, my breath a sharp intake.  

“More….please more…” I whimpered, looking up at him and not able to mask my emotion. I felt super-aware of everything he was doing to me and like I might pass out at any moment. 
He hovered over me, the feeling of his hard abs resting lightly against my stomach, my breasts pressing into his chest was almost too much to handle. “I wish I could give you the world baby," He said honestly and my heart broke for the umpteenth time that day,

Swallowing thickly, I gave Dean a smile, “Just your dick for now.” 

He chuckled before lowering his lips to kiss me, sliding his tongue against mine as I ground my hips into his. “Jac…” He warned as I ran my pussy up and down the length of his erection through his boxers, the friction too sweet to stop. “You’re going to have me finish even before we start if you keep that up…” 

"I'm sorry I can’t help it…..” 

He groaned and grabbed my hips, setting them on the bed and taking a moment to recompose himself. Watching him break and let go like that? I loved it. “You’re literally too hot to be real baby," He said, pushing down his boxers and fisting his hard dick, setting it at my entrance.

"I feel the same way about you..." I bit into my lip, letting my eyes graze his perfect body. God, I missed literally every inch of him. 

He adjusted my hips before pivoting his own and pushing himself nearly all the way inside of me. My scream broke the silence, a whimper leaving me next as he pulled out of me with only the tip of his dick still teasing me. Fisting himself again, he rubbed it up and down my pussy, my head rolling back and my eyes closing tightly. "I love watching you..." He lowered his head and pressed his lips against the front of my neck, them going lower and lower until I was panting. 

"More baby," I whispered, my mouth opening to make a perfect O when his lips found my breasts. "God Dean," I said roughly, moaning when he licked and teased me. It felt so good, I was desperate to have him inside of me again.

"I should just keep teasing you," He said with his grin evident in his tone.

"You're going to have me finish even before we start if you keep that up," I grinned as I repeated his words back. 

He shook his head and locked his eyes with mine as he gave my nipple a tug with his teeth. My breath rushed out of me and I moaned louder, my pussy aching so damn bad. "I've never had a problem with making you cum multiple times...."

"Fuck," I breathed out. He teased me mercilessly; bringing me to the breaking point and knowing that one touch would bring me over the edge. “Enough Dean!” I moaned and he grinned, thrusting hard inside of me while I came apart. “Oh my god!!!” My  head threw back and my body shook in his arms as my orgasm over took me completely.

“Again," He ordered, thrusting hard, up to that special spot that he knew drove me nuts. And if that wasn't enough? He moved his hand to my clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to my already sensitized skin.

I called out as I came again, his dick getting harder inside of me while my arousal coated it. “Dean…..” My nails let out of the grip they had on his back and I kept moving my hips with his. “I always want you inside of me….” I whispered, looking straight into his eyes and feeling nothing but love for him.

“Every time I think you can’t get any hotter you prove me wrong baby," He said seriously. “God I cant even decide where I want to put my hands…my mouth. They want every part of you….”

I tightened around him and he groaned, nuzzling my neck as his hands grabbed my ass and squeezed. “You can do whatever you want to me," I whispered, my hands tangled in his hair.

He pulled back to look into my eyes before he kissed me hard, the same way he was making love to me; fast and hard. “Jac….” He groaned against my mouth.

"Don't stop... not until you're coming for me..." I breathed out, keeping my eyes locked on his.

A growling sound escaped him and he pushed my legs further apart with a hand inching it way to my hip in a bruising grasp. "How are you even real?" He groaned against my skin, kissing his way down my neck and not stopping there. My lips parted and a loud moan left me as he wrapped his mouth around my breast and sucked. "I love your body," He whispered and then bit down on my erect nipple, giving it a tug and making me scream. "Shh baby," He told me with an amused expression on his handsome face, my heart pounding in my chest for how much I loved him and how bad he was driving me crazy, making every inch of my body ache when he was already inside of me.

"I thought you liked when I was loud," I grinned and bit my lip, trying not to cum again when he hit my spot, making me see stars. 

“I love everything you do…..” He kissed my lips as I tightened around him, fucking me hard and looking on the verge of losing it. 

“So close….” I whispered words, both of us losing our self control as he gave me all of me again and again, both of us finishing hard while my teeth sunk into his skin and he groaned out my name. 

“No one feels like you do baby….” He breathed out, his forehead setting against mine as we stared at each other, letting our breathing slow down. 

I swallowed and lifted my hand to his shoulder, wanting to run my hands all over every flawless inch of him. “You’re going to have a mark," I bit my lip and Dean laughed.

“It was worth it.” 

I wriggled my hips and he groaned, still inside of me. He pulled back and scooped me up in his arms, my back to his front as he cupped my breasts and ran his hand across my stomach, down my legs, my breathing hitching all over again. “Is your brother going to be pissed off that you ditched his birthday for me?” I asked, tilting my head back with a grin.

“His birthday isn’t actually until tomorrow anyways,” He replied right before we heard thumping on the other side of my wall. "And I think he's probably just fine where he is.” 

I shook my head, "Thea is going to drive that poor boy crazy.” 

He sighed, “At least they’re in the same country.”

I pursed my lips together to suppress a sigh, "You got me there."

I could feel his eyes on me as I looked in front of me, wondering if this was a good idea. I mean, I knew that it was... but I knew how much harder it would make things and they already felt damn near impossible. "Hey," He said in a gentle voice and angled my chin back towards his face so our eyes were locked on each others again. "I didn't say that to make you feel bad."

"I know," I replied and forced a weak smile. "So do you think that means that the party's over?"

He cracked a grin and leaned in to kiss me again, my body feeling him all over when he was hardly even touching me. "I think so," He replied and kissed my nose, grinning wider when I wrinkled it. "I miss you..."

"I can't blame you. I'm pretty amazing," I joked with him to make the heavy moment feel lighter. 

He shuffled my body, turning it in his grasp so that I was now straddling him. I caught my breath and watched his eyes drop down my breasts and then past my stomach to where his dick was resting only inches from my pussy. "You are," He replied in a more serious tone. 

"So are you," I tilted his chin up and slid my hand into his hair while leaning down to kiss him. 

He ran his hands up my back, holding on to me as I kissed him. “I'm sorry," He whispered against my lips. 

I ran my fingers through my hair to push it back before looking at him, “Sorry?” 

He nodded, “I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I let us pretend we could be together before I left….I’m sorry I can’t just let you move on now.” He shook his head while I felt a lump in my throat, wishing I could say the right thing when I knew that I couldn't. “You should hate me.” 

I shook my head, moving so we were laying side by side facing each other. “I'm not sorry Dean," I whispered back honestly, not once regretting what had happened between us... except for how it ended.

“How can you not be?” He averted his eyes. 

“Because it was worth it. As much as it sucks not being with you, as much as having to say goodbye again will kill me? You are worth it.” 

He groaned, reaching out for my face to kiss me again, “I'm yours….you know that? I’ll always be yours," He said seriously, those words somehow the exact ones I wanted to hear. Needed to hear. 

“Don’t be silly….I hear Canadian girls are really easy," I joked and he laughed as he shook his head.

“I wouldn’t know….nor do I even care.” 

I kept my eyes on him and slid my hand down to his, intertwining it before giving it a little squeeze, "You can't say things like that to me."

"What?" He blinked. "The truth?"

I shook my head and swallowed, imagining how hard it would be when he really did move on... and he would. He was handsome, had a good job, he had everything going for him so why wouldn't someone go for him? Dean was perfect. "It's like you're giving me false hope," I said seriously and frowned.

He used his free hand to push my hair out of my face then cupped my cheek and leaned in to kiss me again, my body feeling weak at his touch. I wanted him so bad, all over again, always. "I meant it Jac," He replied and ran his thumb across my bottom lip. 

"You're going to meet someone and forget all about me," I looked away since it suddenly felt like it hurt to be so vulnerable, show my insecurities. 

"Do you believe that?"

I let my eyes linger back to his, hoping to find a trace of what he was feeling in his eyes, "Do I believe that girls will be throwing themselves at you? Yes."

He grinned and shook his head, "That wasn't what I was asking."

"I don't know Dean... What are we doing? I can't just ask you to not move on..." 

“You don’t have to ask me that. You’re the only woman I’ve ever felt this way about. I hear that doesn’t just go away.”
 
“I wish it did….” I trailed off as he wrapped me tighter in his arms, a million thoughts going through my mind... most of them including what if scenarios.
 
“Do you regret being with me?” 
 
I shook my head instantly, wondering how he could even ask me that question. “No," I said it with such surety it made him reach down and kiss me hard. I wouldn’t give up the time I spent with Dean for anything. What we had was real and that was hard to find... I knew that I'd never find it again.

 
“Oh my god!” Thea's voice interrupted the moment and Dean looked down at me questioningly. 

I shrugged, my smile turning into a smirk as I pointed towards the wall he shared with his brother while he winced. “And I couldn’t think of anything I didn’t miss being away. Now I remember. Sharing a wall with your brother? Not always awesome," He said seriously and I laughed.
 
“Give him a break it’s his birthday," I smirked, straddling him slowly. “But I bet we can drown them out.” 
 
“You’re on.” And then he kissed me again.