Your clouds, your blanket and my pity song.

Your clouds, your blanket and my pity song. by pinklipstiiick featuring a see through dress

“Hi baby," I grinned at my daughter as she opened the door, leaning in to kiss her cheek before handing over a basket of chocolate croissants. “Are you hungry?”

She looked down and then back at me, skepticism on her gorgeous face that looked more and more like my own every day. “You come over unannounced bringing carbs?” She asked, a smirk tugging at her lips as I shrugged. 

“Sometimes I must take drastic measures to spend time with my children," I grinned and looked at her. “Are you going to let me in or just stand there?”

She stepped aside and let me walk in, following me into the kitchen and placing the food on the table, “You’re being silly mom.”

“You and Ben don’t tell me anything instead," I pouted, knowing that things with Ben were changing and he was opening up more to me.

“That face only works on dad," She pointed out, shaking her head and taking a seat next to me. “Are you here to spy on me then? Your folders aren’t enough?”

I pursed my lips and sighed, “Ben told you that?”

“Actually I told Ben. He seemed to mind quite more than I do. Which is ridiculous considering I'm sure his folder is much thinner.”

I laughed and she narrowed her gorgeous blue eyes on me, causing me to sigh in my defense, "I have a folder on each of my clients, not just the two of you. And they technically belong to the PR department." God, I was never going to live this down, was I?

"You steal from the PR department? Tsk tsk mother," Chloe grinned and propped both of her elbows on the counter.

I grinned, "Surprised I have a bad streak in me?"

Her grin matched mine as she extended her hand out to rotate the basket and get a good look into it, choosing one of the croissants laced with chocolate. "Oh, I've Googled your name before and I know what comes up," She winked at me.

"See, it's really not so terrible of me now is it?" I asked honestly, still not sure why Ben made such a big deal over it. I protected whats mine and my babies? They came before everything... I would do literally anything for them.

"Spying? A little," She said with a slight shrug to her shoulders while I resisted the urge to sigh again. "Come on, you know how private Ben is... you had to know he'd flip his shit."

"Chloe, language," I let that sigh out.

"Because you've never cussed a day in your perfect life?" She raised an eyebrow. "And please eat. I hate when you bring me food but won't touch it."

I grinned, her reminding me so much of myself when I was her age. Reaching for one of the smaller croissants, I picked at it, "You know how far from perfect I am," I said seriously and studied my youngest child as she ate. "How have you been?"
“Same as always," She grinned as I resisted the urge to groan. “What?”

“You and Ben are both the same, always trying to keep things to yourself.”

She gave me a small smile and shook her head, “We don’t keep things to ourselves, we tell each other.”

“Well at least you have that," I nodded, smiling since the fact that the two were so close made me happy.

“Why aren’t you at work?” She asked, taking a large bite of croissant.

“I'm taking a long lunch. What about you?”

“It’s morning," She smirked. “And I don’t have anything booked for today.”

I narrowed my eyes on her, “Can’t you tell me anything real?”

Chloe's lips curled up into a grin as she shrugged, “I'm kind of seeing someone.”

I blinked, hoping it wasn't Ben's friend because I enjoyed the two of them getting along. “Kind of seeing someone?” I asked, nibbling on my own croissant.

“Again. I'm kind of seeing someone again," She bit her lip and then leaned back against the chair. “Jackson Daniels. He’s a photographer.”

I obviously knew of him, he was famous in his field which was of course, our field as well. “I thought you had a crush on Ben’s friend Tristan," I replied.

She rolled her eyes, “That’s old news mom. And a lost cause.”

I let out a laugh of relief, grinning at my daughter while trying to imagine her and Jackson, how they'd look together in photographs. For a photographer, he was surprisingly attractive... maybe not my daughters usual type, but dear god the typical man she went for was covered in tattoos and drove a motorcycle. Jackson looked like a good boy. "Well how are things going with this new boy?" I asked, smiling at her as she rolled her eyes.

"Please don't call him a boy, that makes him sound young," She wrinkled her nose.

"Compared to me? You're all young," I pointed out with a wink.

She sighed, always hating when I called myself old. It wasn't like I was complaining, it was simply a fact. I was 52 years old and definitely not getting any younger. "What's with all the prying lately?" She asked, finishing her last bite and shooting me one of her no nonsense looks. Both of my kids had gotten that from me, they took no bullshit and called it as they saw it.

"Prying? I'm your mom, can't I ask what's going on in my childrens lives?" I asked flatly, wondering exactly when the two of them had become so private. I mean, Ben always was... but never Chloe. She lived in the spotlight and luckily for her, me and Cor showered her with attention. She was and always would be our little princess. "You two make me sound so horrible."

"You're not bad mom," She stood up and wrapped her arms around me from behind, pressing a kiss against my cheek before walking over to the fridge. "And while I don't mind sharing? You're never going to get much out of Ben... did you know that he's planning a trip to Côte d'Azur and won't even let me go?"

"Yes, it was my idea," I answered while she widened her eyes. "Not the part about not inviting you, but the trip in general. Those two deserve a vacation and it'd be good for Gabriel."

“It would be good for me too! I love Cote d’Azur," She pouted while I smiled at her.

“I asked him to invite you and he said you wouldn’t want to go,” I lied, Ben's words weren't nearly as kind.

She shot a look back at me, “Why the hell not?”

“Chloe.”

“This is just one more thing I’ll have to tell my therapist. No one wants to go on vacation with me," She kept pouting, her words hanging in the air as I slowly digested them.

Raising an eyebrow slowly, I stared at my youngest child, “Therapist?”

“Ben’s idea," She shrugged it off, playing like it was no big deal when it was exactly the opposite. She was confirming my biggest fear; my kids didn't trust me.

“Oh," I said, looking at my broken up croissant. “He didn’t tell me.”

“I told him not to," She replied, the two of them having each other and no longer needing me. It was a bittersweet feeling. “Do you want some water?”

"No," I said quietly, not letting my eyes leave her as she grabbed herself a bottle of water from the fridge then turned back around to face me.

She studied my hurt expression and a sigh escaped her, "Mom... it's not like we're conspiring against you."

"I never said that," I replied, standing up and sliding my purses strap up to my forearm. "Well, I better get back to work."

"Stop," She said gently, crossing her arms over her chest with the bottle still in her hand. "I don't have problems, I'm fine."

I shook my head, "If you truly believed that you were fine? You wouldn't go to therapy. Hell, you wouldn't even go to the family session I had scheduled when you came back home. But if you want to keep whatever secrets -"

"Mom," She cut me off, narrowing her gaze on me. Me. Like I was the one hiding huge secrets from her. "The whole reverse psychology thing won't work on me, so sit down and finish your croissant."

I set my bag back down but kept standing, "What's going on in your life? Is it the new guy you're seeing?"

"No."

I sighed, "And I thought Ben told me nothing." 

She tilted her head to the side as she looked at me, a weak smile playing on her lips, “Trust me mom, you don’t want to know everything about me.”

I reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear and held her face in the palm of my cheek, seeing the same daughter who used to dress up like a princess every Halloween, thinking one day she'd grow up and that would be her line of profession. She used to worship me, now she couldn't tell me anything besides gossip here and there. “I had morning sickness with your for 2 trimesters and was in labor for 36 hours," I said in a sweet voice. “I deserve to know everything about you.”

She started laughing, shaking her head at that and then looking up at me, “One more thing to love Ben more for.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, giving her a confused look.

She shrugged, “Oh you know I know Ben is the golden child and I'm just the spoiled little princess who doesn’t do anything but embarrass you.”

I stared at her blankly, her words hurting since they were so far from the truth. I loved Ben, but I loved Chloe too. “….is that why you’re in therapy? Because you think we love you less than Ben?” I asked, hoping it wasn't the truth because I'd never forgive myself if I was the cause of my daughters problems. I wanted to protect her from the world, not make it worse.

She shook her head, “No. And I don’t think you love me less. I just know you like me less.”

"That's the same thing Chloe and I'm offended that you'd have such an awful thought like that," I said seriously, wondering where I had gone wrong for my youngest child to ever think that. I tried to treat them equally, visits and lunch dates when they had a day free, we had Sunday family dinners to stay close. Was I a bad mother and had just never realized it?

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "It's a joke mom. Don't get so worked up over it."

I tried to push the thoughts aside, but her words hung so heavy on me. "Kind of hard not to," I muttered to myself. "Do you think I love you less because of all the mistakes you've made? No one is perfect Chloe. When I was your age? I was awful."

"I know, but -"

"But nothing," I cut her off. "You're my daughter and I am always going to love you. I'll always support you and be here for you. If I've made you think anything less, then I'm sorry for that."
“Thanks for the speech mom, but you weren’t awful at my age. You were never awful.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, “Well apparently I made my daughter think I favor her brother so I'm awful now.”

She rolled her eyes, “Stop that. I don’t think you favor Ben, though if you did I’d understand. I favor him over me too.”

I shook my head, “That sounds nothing like my cocky daughter.” I reached out and pushed her bangs out of her gorgeous face, “And you don’t know how I was.”

“Oh?” She asked, widening her eyes and tilting her head to a side. “Because the worst thing I can dig up on you is that you can be a bitch and that you and dad need to stop trying to grope each other in public because some people like to take pictures,” She added with a wince.

“What did you do google me?”

“Like mother like daughter," She gave me a slow grin and grabbed my hands. “I love you mom but if you knew what went on in my head? You’d probably lock me in a mental institution.”

“But-“

“Want to go watch a tv movie and cuddle on the couch like old times?” She asked, changing the subject to something she knew I wouldn’t be able to resist.

I sighed and shook my head, "I think I'll pass this time... I feel unwanted."

She matched my sigh and threw her hands up in the air, "Mom, it's not like that!"

"Not like what? You pushing me away? You telling me that you're going to therapy and that your thoughts are so bad you need to be locked up in a mental institution, but the moment I ask you to open up about it, you close up?" I stared at her, wondering where I went wrong, why my own daughter felt like she couldn't tell me anything. I understood where Ben came from, why he was so private with his life since he had a son to raise. But Chloe? What happened to my little princess who used to tell me that I was her best friend? It broke my heart. 

She bit her lip and looked at the ground, “You have to know I'm not exactly the most stable 23 year old mom. You do have that file," She gave me a weak smile and I returned it, cupping her face with my hand as I looked into eyes that I saw every day in the mirror. 

“And you still never talk to me. You haven’t talked to me since you were a teenager.” 

She swallowed thickly, “You had other things to worry about.” 

“Baby…nothing is more important than my family. Nothing is more important to your father and I than you and Ben and little Gabriel. Nothing,” I said seriously, feeling scared over whatever she was afraid to tell me. It was a mothers intuition to know something was wrong... and something was definitely wrong.   

“You can’t tell dad," She whispered, her voice breaking slightly. 

I held her hands, squeezing them as I bent down to look at her as my stomach dropped, “Can’t tell him what?” 

“I was stupid. I was a stupid girl and you didn’t raise a stupid girl.” 

“Honey you’re not stupid. You’re far from it.” 

“Would you have let a guy who told you he loved you beat you up?” She asked, flinching as she said it. I didn’t say anything, her words only confirming my worst fears. But she was so strong, how could this have happened? How did I know nothing about it? See no signs? “No of course you wouldn’t. Because you’re too smart for that.”

"Chloe," I choked out, feeling a sting behind my eyes. "Who? How?"

She shook her head, looking just as strong as ever. And she was. She'd been through more than I could ever imagine, and she still managed to wake up every day with her head held high. "It doesn't matter mom, it's over. It's been over for years," She said a little louder than her previous tone, going so far to fake another weak smile. 

"It matters," I said seriously, taking both of her hands before letting go just as quickly and wrapping my arms around her. "Of course it matters. Someone hurt you and that's not right baby. Are you okay? Who was he and when did this happen?" I rushed out in one breath, realizing that my words were just blending together in one hopeless mess. I caught my breath and let her words sink in, holding her so tight as if it could keep her safe. 

"Mom," She started and stopped, making knowing that I was crying but I felt like someone had taken a huge part of her that she'd never get back. And that, it killed me.

"I'm so sorry Chloe," I said quietly,caressing her hair like I did when she was a child and had a nightmare. "I'm sorry baby."

“I'm sorry," She whispered as my hands ran over her hair again and again. 

“It wasn’t your fault baby….” I trailed off, pulling her closer and kissing her head. “Why didn’t you talk to me?....Who…” 

“It was a long time ago.” 

I pulled back, reaching for her hands and walking her over to the couch where I could hold her tighter. “I don’t care when it was Chloe. I want to know.” 

She nodded, then told me the whole story all the way up to when she told Ben. I listened quietly, slow tears running down my face the entire time as I imagined how she must have felt so alone, so scared. My little girl, all alone in a foreign place and putting her trust into this man who abused her. “You’re saying that this….” I took a deep breath, not able to say his name allowed. “That he is here in Paris?”

She nodded, “I haven’t seen him since.” She wiped her eyes and then leaned her head back against my shoulder, “I'm sorry I couldn’t be better. I'm sorry I couldn’t be perfect like Ben like you and Dad.” 

I laughed weakly, “You think we’re perfect? Baby don’t be ridiculous. Your brother? Is lying to everyone and to himself about how he feels about Cami. And your father and I? We made more mistakes growing up than you can even imagine.” 

She shook her head, “Because you didn’t realize you were in love right away? That’s not a mistake that’s romantic.” 

"It wasn't always," I said honestly, remembering the years I had put Corey through my idiotic Killian phase. And when I realized how I felt about Cor? It didn't get any better... it got worse instead. "No one is perfect, everyone has their own faults."

"Are you actually admitting to that?" She asked and a genuine smirk played on her lips, her face still so full of life after everything she'd been through. She was a strong girl, always had been. 

I nodded, "You do realize that besides your father? My only friend was Harper."

She laughed quietly, nuzzling against me as I pressed another kiss against the top of her head, "That's because you were a bitch... nothing wrong with that. I'm one too." 

"You're not," I shook my head. "You're smart instead, and strong, stronger than I could ever be."

She pulled her head back and looked at me with her head cocked slightly, "I'm not... not at all."

"You are," I reassured her. "You went through an awful experience and it made you into the strong woman you are today. I'm proud of you. I don't say it enough, but I am."

“For what?” 

“Are you kidding? Chloe you are one of the strongest women I know. When tabloids would say shit about me I’d basically go into my room and cry and then act like a bitch to pretend to be strong," I admitted, not even bothering to edit myself. “But you? I'm pretty sure you’ve been called every name in the book no matter how much we try and threaten reporters and yet still you don’t care, and you’re kind, so kind to everyone.” 

She swallowed, “What they were saying was true…it’s different.” 

I shook my head, “No. What they were saying was a part of a life that they didn’t know the rest of. That you didn’t let anyone know the rest of and I'm guessing it was to protect us from hurting….or am I wrong?” 

“Well I was right…it did hurt you. And Ben.” 

“But it hurt you more. Look at you baby, you struggled for a little bit but look at you now. You know more about child care than me and your father because you read every book on the planet preparing for your nephew who you treat like a prince, you have a career that rivals mine and lets be honest that’s saying something," I smirked and she laughed. 

“I thought you and dad didn’t want me to model…” 

I shook my head, “I don’t want Ben to model because it’s not what makes him happy. But you love it. You might have always been a daddy’s girl Chloe but you’re still my daughter and I see the same spark in you when you’re walking down a runway that I felt when I would do it.” 

“Really?” She smiled at me, a genuine smile that warmed my heart.

I cupped her face in my hands, “Really really my sweet princess.” I kissed her nose and she wrinkled it before snuggling into my arms. 

“If we’re being all open and honest today you should probably know that Jackson Daniels full name Jackson Daniels-Leferve....” She trailed off, the last name leaving a strong distaste in my mouth. “Super weird I know.” 

I took a minute to just stare at my daughter and then laugh, “That is pretty weird.” 

She turned her body to face mine, “Did Dad really seduce you away from his best friend under his nose?” 

"Is that what Jackson told you?" I lifted an eyebrow, trying to keep my face serious but the thought of Killian telling his son that? It made me want to laugh even harder. 

Chloe nodded, "That's what his dad said... and that you were one hell of a woman to get over."

I grinned, "Well that much is true, but Corey never seduced me away from his best friend. It wasn't like that."

"No?" She smirked back, her gorgeous smile that would break a million hearts. That wasn't me when I was younger. Only two men had ever given me their hearts and one of them? He took me for granted... Corey was the one there to pick up the pieces, he was my rock, my everything. 

"Your father was my best friend, sure he was Killian's too, but his intentions were never bad," I said seriously, not wanting my daughter to get the wrong idea of how her father and I got together. "Plus I made the first move on him..."

She wrinkled her nose, "Alright, I think I've heard enough." I laughed softly and pressed a kiss against her forehead, feeling her tense body start to relax in my arms. "Do you think it's weird though? Me dating Jackson, since his dad and you... and dad..."

It was weird, I wasn't going to lie. I knew that Chloe wanted a man to be there for her, to one day have a family of her own. A Lindsell/Leferve family though? The holidays might be a little much. "Does he make you happy?" I asked, knowing that it wasn't my choice who she dated. And the main thing? Jackson wasn't Killian.  

“I don’t really know yet," She admitted. “But he did once.” 

“What do you mean?” 

She shrugged, “I met Jackson first when I was 19 and kept it together enough to go to school again. He was the first guy who wanted me for more than being with a model for a day or…. for who you and dad are.” I frowned, Chloe squeezing my hand as she went on, “Not that that was your fault. I spent a lot of time using my name to get me into all the parties and places so I could forget.” 

“Oh baby," I shook my head. “I want you to know I'm never going to tell you who you can be friends with or date. But promise me that if anything ever happens to you like that again that you’ll come to me. I will help you. Always.” 

“I'm sorry," She buried her head in my neck, letting me hold her for the first time in years. 

“Tell me how you knew dad was the one," She asked and I laughed. 

“I’ve told you that 100 times Chloe.”

“I know but it’s so romantic, tell me again," She said, looking up at me and smiling as I gave her a look. 

“I swear I'm looking at 5 year old Chloe right now," I shook my head and leaned in to nuzzle her nose. 

“I'm waiting," She smirked.

I ran my tongue across my lips, remembering how alone I felt in New York, constantly having Corey on my mind when I was convinced I was still in love with Killian. I was young and naive, I didn't know what I wanted. "I was living in New York, I took a year off from modeling," I recalled the story which I had told her time after time. "I got to the point where I felt like there was nothing for me in Paris... but I couldn't stop thinking about your dad. I missed him." Even though he made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me before I left, I added to myself while thinking about the radio interview and how it ended in a yelling match. I asked myself a million times when I knew I was in love with Corey and I think it was that exact moment, feeling my heart break over him being so upset at me, watching Kel be the one to calm him down when it should have been me in his arms. 

"Then you came back for him, something straight out of a movie and he shot you down," She finished for me with a grin on her face.

"Yes," I wrinkled my nose then grinned since that much was true. I left, didn't I? How could I expect him to welcome me back with open arms when we weren't ever even a couple... not to mention the girls in his life, always coming and going. Really, it was pure luck that he loved me back and ended up fighting for me. "Thank you for reminding me."

Chloe let out a laugh then smiled at me, "Do you know why I love that story?"

"Why?" I lifted an eyebrow, not needing to tell her any more of our story since she knew it by heart. 

"Because it's real," She said simply. "You two were best friends, none of that fairy tail bullshit, and you guys fell in love. It's not ideal, but you overcame a lot together and that's what makes it romantic." 

"And then we had two gorgeous babies," I smiled at her before kissing her forehead. "It sounds like a fairy tail after all."