I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up.

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up. by pinklipstiiick featuring slim fit pants

(flashback)

I walked through the living room, watching my mom in silence as she turned the page of the book she was reading. A million thoughts raced through my mind and at the last second, I settled on waiting and decided to back out of the room, only she chose that exact minute to glance up and gave me a small smile. "Hi honey. What are you doing?" She stared at me, waiting for my response.

I shrugged and shook my head, "Nothing… Where's Dad?" 

She furrowed her eyebrows, "He went with Ava to go apartment hunting. Is there something you needed from him?" I

I shook my head, hearing the worry in her voice and wondering how she'd react when I told her. Ben was lucky, having told Ava immediately after finding out and more so, having her be supportive. My mom though? I wasn't sure it'd be so easy. "No… I wanted to talk to you," I said, biting my lip and twiddled my thumbs. 

She nodded with a smile, "Of course, come sit down." She set her book down and grabbed her wine glass, "What's going on baby?" 

I sat down next to her quietly, not saying a word. She eyed me as I licked my lips, trying to find my voice. "Mom…" I swallowed, "I've done something bad..." 

She sat up straighter and set her glass down, looking like she might pass out even before receiving my news, "What is it?"

I parted my lips as my throat went dry, my mind on Ben and the baby and all the mixed emotions that came with the news. The past few days I had been walking around like a zombie, living in my daily routine and worrying about how my parents would react. Even worse, I kept waiting for the Lindsell's to some how bring it up accidentally and my parents beat me to the punch. The thing was, I knew that I was young and still in high school, but even more? I knew that I was in love with Ben and planned on spending the rest of my life with him. College would have to be put on hold, London could wait, but there was a baby growing inside of me... and I wanted to keep it, raise it with the man I loved.

My mom sighed loudly beside me and squeezed my knee, making me jump since I was so consumed by my thoughts that I forgot where I was. I spent all night and morning throwing up. I'd managed to hide it from everyone, but I was tired. "Camille," My mom said in a reassuring voice, still smiling and making me wonder how much longer she'd be smiling for.

"Mom, I..." I trailed off, looking down at my hands which were clasped together since I couldn't look at her smile any longer. She had high hopes for me still, knowing I had no interest in modeling yet she still told me about opportunities daily. She wasn't a bad mom, she was amazing to be honest, only living in her shadow? The gorgeous Harper Schon who was still an icon in the fashion industry? She never understood the pressure I felt... and how now I had failed her.

"You can tell me anything honey," She squeezed my knee.

I looked up at her and forced a weak smile, "It's about me and Ben... We're -"

Her face dropped as the door opened and closed, my dad and sisters laughter drowning us out. "We have pizza!" They yelled out from the foyer, so in sync I felt out of place in my own family.

"We're in the living room," My mom yelled out, keeping her eyes on me. But lowering her voice, she asked me a question, "Did you two get married?"

"No," I closed my eyes as the rest of my family joined us, the only one missing was my brother who was at a sleepover.

Mila looked at us, noticing the looks on our face as my dad stood so oblivious beside her. "Is every thing okay?" She asked, making eye contact with me.

My dad set the box on the table, "What? What did I miss?" He kissed my moms cheek and then smiled at me, "Are you hungry?"

The smell of pizza hit me like a bat to my stomach, the smell so disgusting I had to cover my mouth instantly. "I'm going to be sick," I ran out of the room, hearing someone following me but it was too late to worry who. I made it to the bathroom and fell in front of the toilet, throwing up until my throat hurt. On the bright side, my stomach felt better. 

"Cam?" Mila closed the door behind her and locked it, their footsteps growing heavy up until they were knocking on the door. My sister looked at me, knowing without me telling her. Unlike my parents who thought that I was still an innocent virgin? My sister knew the truth. "Are you...?"

I nodded and stood up, walking to the sink and feeling her eyes take me in. "You can open the door," I said quietly, washing my mouth out first then rinsing my face to hide any traces of me crying.
"Okay, we're coming in…" Mom's voice trailed off from the other side of the door, right after my sister had unlocked it. She pushed it open slowly, staring at us while we both leaned against the counter. "What's going on? Ava," Her gaze moved to Mila who only got called that when she was in trouble.

"Cam has something to tell you two…"

I wiped my face as my sister took my other hand, "Mom… Dad…" I paused, swallowing while trying to gather up enough strength, "I'm pregnant." The four of us stood there silently as they took the news, blank faces staring at each other.  "Mom. Dad. Say something," I said, looking at them and wishing I could read their minds. 

"This is a joke," My dad spoke up first, "Please tell me it's a joke."

"Dad… it's not."

"How?!" He started raising his voice, "You'd have to have sex…"

"Daddy.."

"No! Stop. Why Camille? WHY?!" He yelled at me, "Your mother and I didn't plan Mila and there was a lot of trouble! I know if we had planned it, things would have gone much smoother."

"Miles, please," My mom cut in, trying to calm her husband down while I started shaking.

"No! Harper, are you listening to this?! I'm going to fucking kill Ben," He walked away, my eyes blinking as they followed him until he disappeared out of my sight. My mom quickly followed him, leaving me alone with my sister while I wished that I could disappear just as easily. 

Mila squeezed my hand, "It's going to be alright."

"Is it?" I asked, not looking at her. She was the golden child who did no wrong... but me? My dad hated me. "He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Ben maybe, but not you," She tried reassuring me but really it wasn't helping.

I shook my head, "This isn't Ben's fault. It takes two to make a baby," I pulled away and walked out of the bathroom, following my parents voices.

"We need to talk to her. Calmly, not accusingly. This is our daughter! It doesn't matter what she's done, but we're her mother and father and that means we have to stand by her side!" I could hear my mom yelling back at my father, her voice rarely ever raised when she spoke to him.

"Okay…"

"Camille! Mila! Come out here now, please." I walked into the room first, my sister a step or two behind me. We sat down across from our parents while my mom forced a small smile, "Okay, we're here to talk."

"Should I..." Mila started awkwardly, shifting beside me. "Don't you want to talk to Cam alone?"

"It's fine," I said in a quiet voice, knowing that if things got bad and dad killed me, burying my body in the backyard? At least she'd be there to retell the story to the police. I moved my eyes to her and she gave me a small reassuring smile, reaching for my hand again. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, the same look on both of our parents faces.

My mom cleared her voice, "How far along are you?"

"Three months," I answered honestly, seeing the color drain from her face.

"Three months," She repeated while I mustered up a nod.

"You've known for three months?" My dad's anger returned while my mom shot him a glance, silently telling him to knock it off. "You know what that means, don't you Harper?"

My mom blinked, my eyes not leaving hers because I knew what he meant. "I'm keeping it," I said in a voice that didn't sound like my own, it sounded stronger. I was always the weak one of our family, but if I was going to be a mother? That needed to change.

"Oh my god," Dad shook his head, rolling his fingers into fists as he looked at me, the look on his face scaring me. "You're seventeen, a minor still, and while you're living under my roof? You'll follow my rules."

I parted my lips to tell him that we weren't living in America where things were drastically different. Yes, I was technically a child, but I was pregnant now and he couldn't change that. "I'm going to have this baby," I said instead, my voice more stern that it had ever been before when dealing with my dad who could lose his temper at the drop of a pin.

"Then you won't be living here," He retorted, my mom glaring at him.

"Well that is your decision," I stood up, Mila trying to pull me back down.
"Please baby," She interrupted me, "Miles, stop this."

"Do you believe she can do this?!" He yelled and I knew that he was furious, but I wish he'd realize how scared I was.

"I can Dad," I interjected, "I know you don't believe that, but I can! Ben and I-"

"And what does Ben think about all this?!" He kept yelling.

I sat quietly, "He wants this baby too…."

He cradled my head in his hands and I felt myself flinch, "You two are kids! You really think you can do this?!"

"Were you any better when Mila was born?!" I yelled back at my father, tired and upset by how he was acting, especially with the way he had treated my mom when the same thing happened to her. "If I heard correctly from aunt Kayla, you told Mom she was a whore who was trying to trap you!"

"Camille!!!" My mom yelled at me, "Apologize!"

I shook my head, "No Mom. I'm mature enough to do this! Dad, if that's how you feel, then I'll go to the Lindsell's."

"Stop!" She told me, knowing that we wouldn't solve anything if I left. But right now? The only person I wanted to see was my boyfriend. "Camille, sit down."

"No-"

"I didn't ask!" She told me firmly, "Sit. Down."

I slowly sat back down and stared at her, "I'm sorry Dad…"

"I need a few minutes," He replied as he walked down the hall towards his bedroom. I hated to admit it, but I was relieved to see him leave.

"I didn't mean to lash out at him like that," I told my mom, meaning it.

She nodded, "I know baby… He's just upset. He was really excited for you to go to London."

"I can still do that… Eventually," I reasoned.

She nodded, "It's going to be hard honey… Everything changed when I had Mila. I was terrified and eventually my job was at risk-"

"And you still had her! You and Dad got married and had Noah and I!"

"You're right…" She trailed off, "But if you think this is supposed to keep Ben and you together, you're wrong. It worked for Daddy and I, but you have no idea how hard it was. How many times we almost ended things and how many times we fought. If you want to do this, you need to prepare for the possibility that Ben and you might not end up together…"


(present)

I walked through the door to my parents house and followed the voices, finding my mom sitting on the floor besides Gabe, a book in her hands as she helped him sound out a word.

"I don't know it," He sighed in defeat.

"You can do it," She smiled down at him, her heart taken by the perfect little boy who stared back at her with a look of frustration on his face. He was a fast learner, but he was well aware that it was summer and because of that? He didn't think he had to do any work. "Try again and I'll give you ice cream."

His eyes lit up at that as I grinned, walking up behind them and squatting down to his level. "Only if your maman says it's okay, right?" I whispered in his ear and then kissed his cheek, his eyes wide as he found mine.

"Hi maman!" He wrapped his arm around me in a hug.

"Hi baby," I smiled back at him, sitting on his other side and looking at my mom as she set the book down on the shelf with the rest of Gabe's books and a couple of toys. "Thanks for watching him."

"Anytime," She smiled and stood up, looking at Gabe again, "I think you have a question to ask your mother."

He looked up at me and grinned, "Can I have ice cream? Please?"

"Were you good today or did you give your grandma any problems?" I asked, still grinning at him.

He sighed and shrugged, looking up at my mom who was trying not to laugh. "He was perfect," She answered for him, his eyes back on me and lit up again, knowing he'd earned a treat.

"You can have ice cream then, but you'll have to read me a book tonight before bedtime."

"Deal," He smiled and jumped up, already on his way to the kitchen.

"He's growing up so fast," My mom said with her eyes following him.

I nodded, "I know."

"Do you think you'll ever have another baby?"

I rolled my eyes, "Did Mila tell you that I'm seeing someone?"
"No," She answered while I eyed her, "Okay, she did, but you know I want more grandchildren!"

"Tell Mila that! She's the oldest," I said with a small grin.

She shook her head, "I do not want that awful boy as my son in law, let alone the father of my grandchildren."

I smirked, watching her pick up a few toys that were scattered on the floor, "You should tell her that."

She shrugged, "I've tried darling and you know what happened? She gave your father and I the silent treatment for two weeks."

"If you two reacted the same way you reacted to my pregnancy, I'm sure she would dump him," I gave her a small smirk, remembering how things were. My relationship with my father? It still wasn't the same. I understood that my parents only wanted the best for me, but he didn't have to yell at me and treat me like a baby.

"Ha ha," She gave me a tiny glare, "You learned that passive aggressive behavior from me, so I'm immune."

I rolled my eyes as I heard the front door open and shut and Gabe's adorable voice yelled out, "Grandpapa!!"

"Your father is home," She told me just as he walked into the living room with Gabe, who had a chocolate mustache from his popsicle, in his arms.

"Look Maman! Grandpapa!"

"I see," I smiled as I looked at my son in my dad's arms, remembering how his heart melted the moment Gabe was born. My baby had that effect on everyone and I couldn't be any more proud. "Hi Dad."

"Hi sweetheart," He walked up to me and kissed my temple.

I wrinkled my nose and he laughed as he pulled away, "You look like Gabe when you do that."

"You mean he looks like me," I broke into a grin, everyone always telling me the same. The crazy thing was, I never really realized when I did it... it just happened. 

Gabe's eyes widened as he shook his head, "I look like papa instead."

My mom eyed me while I let out a small laugh, "He's going through the phase where he wants to be Ben." I didn't mind it though; Gabe's father was an amazing man. If my son took after him in nearly every possible way? I'd be fine with that. 

"I like you the way you are, Gabriel," My mom caught him as my dad set him down and he walked past her, his grin wide and mischievous. He really was the perfect child, still a little wild from time to time but it kept me on my toes. She pressed a kiss against his cheek and he groaned dramatically before she let him rum off again, him following a few steps behind my dad as he headed to his office. "So tell me about Dante."

I stared at her blankly and sighed before making sure Gabe was completely out of sight. I didn't want him to know that I dated, not that I was giving him false hope that his dad and I might one day rekindle what we had... he was a smart boy and knew better than that, that ship had long sailed and I never got those questions again. Thank god, because they broke my heart. "What do you want to know, mom?" I asked with another sigh.

"Don't get all dramatic on me," She smirked. "I simply want to know about him. It's the least you can do since you told me nothing about him the first time you two dated."

"Well..." I trailed off, biting my lip. "He's older."

"Older?"

"He's 35," I answered as if it were nothing, and maybe it wasn't. Age didn't matter to me at least.  

"Is he a good man?" She asked, her response surprising me.

I swallowed as I thought about Dante, "He is Mom. He's got a great job, very responsible and he's even got a son, so he understands what I'm going through and he'll enjoy Gabe-" 

"If you ever introduce him to Gabe, right?" She grinned at me, knowing me a little too well. 

"I don't want to bring someone into Gabe's life if there's a chance he might disappear." I shrugged, "But he's gone through a divorce and he's really sweet-" 

"But he's not Ben?" She finished for me, not what I was going to say, but there was a lot of truth to the statement. I avoided my moms gaze, "Remember what I said when you got pregnant…" 

"I know Mom," I said with a sigh, not even sure how to explain mine and Ben's relationship. We were friends, but more than that, we were family too. "But that doesn't mean I'll ever stop loving Ben. He's the father of my child." 

"Don't compare every man to him though… It will never work out, unfortunately," She told me as she rested her hand on my cheek. "I want you to be happy darling… That's all I want for you." 

"Mom, I'm only 23 years old. I will find someone. I have lots of time." 

She sighed, "I know, but I worry. You do so much for everybody else. When is it time to think of yourself. Honestly, once your sister came around I had gotten all my selfish behaviors out, thank god. If she hadn't come along, then I probably would have still been that way. All I have to say is that, I have no idea where you got that trait from," She gave me a small smile.

"Speaking about doing something for myself, I'm taking a vacation this month," I said, returning her smile.

She lifted an eyebrow, "Really? Where? And with who?"

I let out a small laugh at all the questions, "Côte d'Azur, with Gabe and Ben."

"Gorgeous place," She nodded her head, our family having been there a few times. "And very romantic. I take it you'll be staying at the Lindsell's home?"

I nodded, "Yes, but it's not that... it's for Gabe."

"Just that?" She stared at me skeptically. 

"And a vacation. I couldn't tell you the last time I just laid out in the sun and did nothing," I admitted. 

"And that's all?"

I sighed, "I'm in a really good place right now, I'm dating an amazing man and me and Ben are in a good place. I'm happy." 

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy," She told me honestly with a smile on her face as she held my head in her hands. 

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Really?"  

"Of course baby. That's all I want. I know I don't say it often, but I'm proud of you." She blinked, "You're an amazing mother. Better than I was at your age and Gabe is perfect." 

"And extremely tired," I heard dad say as he walked into the living room with Gabe in his arms, leaning his head against his grandpas shoulder. 

"Maman…" Gabe groaned out as he wiped his eyes. 

I smiled at my son as I grabbed him out of my dads hands, "It's time to go home baby. Thank you for watching him Mom." 

"It's no problem baby," She kissed my temple and then turned to kiss Gabe's, "And bye angel." 

"Thank you grandmama, grandpapa. I love you," He said quietly as he leaned his head against my chest. 

"I love you too," My mom smiled back, looking on the verge of tears.

"Bye Mom."