we knew this day would come we knew it all along

we knew this day would come we knew it all along by ssaarah

I loaded the last of Alyssa’s suitcases while I gave time for the girls to say their goodbyes without me around but if we didn’t leave soon she was going to miss her flight.

"The trucks loaded. Are you girls ready or do you need another minute?" Lys pulled back,

"I don't want to leave, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be!" Jac stepped towards me and slid her hand into mine locking the door behind us as we left her place.

"I have an idea! How about I come here for senior year," She whipped around in front of us and smiled.

"Like you'd actually leave your friends," Jac lifted an eyebrow and she pouted.

"True..." She trailed off, watching as I pressed my lips quickly against hers so I could walk around the truck to the drivers seat.

"I could always visit more." Jac bit her lip and we all climbed in. “What do you think about Canada?" she asked, finally mentioning it after all this time.

“What do I think about Canada?” she asked offhandedly as she scrolled through her phone.

“Yeah…” Jac trailed off and suddenly I kind of felt like I shouldn’t be there anymore.

“It’s cold?” she replied, putting down her phone and looking at her sister.

“Only in the winter.” I piped in, not liking the first thing she said about it being negative.

“Okay….why?” she asked, her brow raised. Jac swallowed thickly and ran her hands through her hair.

“I'm moving there. With Dean.” Alyssa blinked back at us.

“What?” Jac took a deep breath and looked at me so I piped in.

“I got a job offer in Vancouver and I took it. I asked Jac to come with me.”

“And I said yes.” She ended my sentence, making my chest swell up with how much I loved her. So damn much.

“Wait a second. You’re moving to a different country with a guy you’ve been dating for a month?!” she asked, looking shocked and confused. Now I really felt like I shouldn’t be there.

“When you say it like that…” Jac trailed off but Lys interrupted.

“Look …I like Dean and all but I’d be worried if you said you were just moving in together after this long…but giving up your whole life? That’s crazy Jac.” Shit.

“It’s not like I have much of a life here to hold on to.” Jac protested.

“Then come back home! Don’t move to a different time zone again!!!! You always do this with guys, you think you’re in love and you give up everything to them and when it’s over you’re left all alone in a place with no one!” Woah.

“I'm um. I have to go to the bathroom before we go.” I said simply, not wanting to make the sister fight any worse by sticking around. Plus when someone spoke about you as if you weren’t there? You pretty much knew you weren’t supposed to be.

"No, it's fine," Jack said quickly and reached for my hand which was resting on the center console, intertwining our fingers together. I squeezed her hand and smiled at her before she spoke.

"I think you owe Dean an apology." Her sisters eyes practically bugged out,

"An apology?! For what? Was everything I just said not true?"

"Alyssa," Jac said flatly, using her stern voice.

"I'm sorry," she said to me without conviction.

"Gran would be so disappointed in you Jac. I'm assuming you haven't told her yet, right?" Wow. Ouch. Jac turned to look out the window until I started the car to break the silence.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a quiet voice and she broke her gaze from the road finally to look at me and smile weakly. We pulled up alongside the curb at the airport, Lys the first one out and making a point of slamming her door shut behind her. Jack hopped out of the truck and I gave her some time to talk to her sister. After a while I figured it’d be weird if I stayed her any longer so I pulled her bags out and set them next to the girls.

"That's everything," I said awkwardly. Alyssa smiled and stepped closer to me, giving her a hug,

"Thank you and I'm sorry about earlier."

“I meant it about your 21st birthday.” I said, winking at Lys who grinned.

“I look forward to it.” She nodded before hugging her sister again and heading into the airport. Leaving me alone with Jac. I walked up and wrapped my arms around her from behind, kissing right beneath her ear.

“What are you thinking?” Jac held my arms and then abruptly pulled away.

“We should get out of the road if we don’t want to get a ticket.” I blinked but then realized she was probably right. I pulled away from the convoluted airport and onto the highway before glancing at Jac.

“Would your gran not want you to come with me?” I asked, slowly. Jac pulled her eyes away from the window.

“You have to admit. It sounds crazy.” She said softly, in a voice that frightened me.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Are you hungry?” she shook her head.

“Not really.” She replied, looking lost in her own thoughts.

“Your sister only spent a few weeks with us…..she doesn’t really know-“

“She’s right though….it’s soon.” She pointed out.

“Are you worried that I’ll leave you? That I’ll be like your ex?” I asked,pulling the truck over at my place and looking back at her.

“I knew him longer than I knew you.” She said as if that had anything to do with anything. Fuc.k I just wish she’d tell me what was on her mind….

“And?” Jac didn’t say anything for a minute, looking like she was thinking through things in her head.

"And he still left," she said eventually.

"Because you weren't in love with him Jac," I protested, knowing she’d never said she loved me either but wanting to say it anyways. "He used you and he left you when times got hard... I'm not him. I'm not going to do that to you because the thought of seeing you hurt? It kills me." I said honestly but she just blinked her eyes and looked back at the window. Damn it she was crying. I reached out to tilt her head towards mine and brushed off her tears. "Don't cry. Please," I said quietly.

"I love you," She said back. Fuc.k I’d been waiting to hear those words from her pretty mouth for so damn long it felt like forever, and even though my heart swelled at the thought that she loved me just as much as I loved her? I knew what the words she wasn’t saying are.

“You’re not going to come with me are you?” I asked softly as slow tears ran down her face more, she looked at me for a few more seconds and then shook her head.

“I can’t Dean.” She whispered. And that was it. The bars around my heart that she’d taken down slowly one kiss, one laugh at a time? Were back. I ran my hand over my face because before I still felt fully intact at least. Now I was broken. I could never find a woman like Jac again. This was my one chance. I swallowed and then looked out of the dashboard window.

“You have stuff at my place.” I said, knowing that even if she got rid of every trace of her I’d still see her everywhere. In the kitchen, cooking, the table where we couldn’t keep our hands off each other the living room, holding her perfect body against mine as I fell deeper and deeper in love with the most perfect girl on earth.

“Dean….” I turned to her.

“What do you want me to say Jac? That I understand….that it’s crazy to come with me? I knew that when I asked you and still you said yes. I understand you were taking a risk but I thought it was worth it to you. I thought that I was worth it to you.” I didn’t say the underlying words, but I knew her well enough to guess she could hear them. That it wasn’t a risk for me. That I didn’t have any plans to leave her. That I instead had plans to marry her, to make it my job to make her happy, spoil her and eventually our children and grandchildren. I had never wanted that with anyone before.

“Then stay” she rushed out. "Stay here and be with me. We can get a place together and -"

"I quit Allure. I'm starting my new job in a week," I cut her off. "Even if I wanted to stay? I'd have no job... and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to find one that would pay me as well as this one." Jac leaned her head against the seat and took a deep breath before she spoke. "Please. Don't go."

“I'm already gone Jac. We both were.” I shook my head. “You have a plane ticket to come pick an apartment with me tomorrow.” I reminded her and she pulled her eyes away to look at her feet.

“I'm sorry.” I felt like I was falling, or in the middle of a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from.

“So you’re breaking up with me on the off chance that we’ll break up later?!” I asked, wanting to fight for her but not knowing how so instead just fighting in general.

“Dean…”

“I am leaving in a week Jac. I have responsibilities. If you’re not coming with me? Then we’re not together anymore.”

“I know what it means Dean.” She said, a little more edge to her voice this time and despite how angry I was I hated to hear her hurting so I just ran my hands through my hair and looked out in front of me. She was afraid to give us a chance but didn’t she realize I was risking everything too? I was giving everything up too? I loved my job here, my life. Texas was my home, and I was leaving my family, my friends. I didn’t think I’d have to give her up too.

“What did I do wrong?” I asked seriously, looking over at her. “How could I love you more than I already do?” she blinked.

“You love me?” she whispered slowly, her pretty eyes growing wide as I realized I hadn’t said it back, that I hadn’t told her.

“More than I even thought anyone could love a person.” I admitted. “You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up, my day is spent wondering how to make you happy, and I can hardly sleep without you in my arms. I am so damn in love with you.” Jack gave me a weak smile that broke my heart.

"But you're still leaving," she said as more of a statement than anything. I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I pulled her into my arms, shifting her body across the center console to adjust on my lap. Loving the way she fit in my arms, loving how warm and soft she was.

"I'm not going to ask you to come with me again Jac... but hell, you know I want you to. You know I'd do anything for you," I said in a low tone as she leaned her head on my shoulder and I wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Almost anything."

"That's not fair." Jac set her free hand on my chest and looked at me,

"But it's fair for you to put it on me? Either I go or we're through?" I felt my face harden.

"I don't want to fight with you Dean, not right now." I tangled my fingers in her hair and pulled her back to look into her eyes.

“I don’t want to fight with you either but you’re acting like you didn’t just change your mind a day before we buy a place.” I pointed out. She blinked.

“I know.” I let out a sigh.

“I have to go.” I replied, I’d already left my job, I’d already been set up for training in Vancouver. I had a life planned. A life with Jac I thought.

“Then you’re right. We are over.” She whispered it so softly I almost didn’t hear her. Damn it.

“Okay.” I replied. My tone cold as I lifted her off my lap and into her own seat before getting out of the truck. She followed me.

“Dean.” She called after me and I turned around.

“What? You’re right. If neither of us are willing to change then we’re over. We want different things. I get it. I get that you can’t come with me. I get that it’s crazy.” I shook my head. “And I also know I’ll never find another woman I love as much as I love you so I'm sorry, but I'm allowed to be upset.”

"And I'm hurt," she said back, biting down on her lip. "It's killing me to lose you, but it's hurting even more knowing that I hurt you." Fuck. I parted my lips and took a step forward, breaking the distance between us and wanting to kiss her so badly but also wanting to forget her. A part of me wished we’d never gotten together…a part of me wouldn’t give her up for anything. So instead I just handed her my keys.

"You can borrow my truck. Just make sure you drop it off before I leave... you know when my flight is." Her mouth fell open and no words came out. "Leave them with Gare," I added.

"You don't want to see me one last time?"

"No," I said simply before shaking my head and forcing myself to feel nothing. "RIght now Jac? No, I don't."