old, but I'm not that old, young, but I'm not that bold

old, but I'm not that old, young, but I'm not that bold by sassy

I looked at the girl a few inches from me, my eyes dropping on her lips as she kept pouting. I didn't really want to kiss her, kisses weren't something I was interested in when I wanted a lot more. Her mouth wrapped around my dick, that was what I wanted, and that was why kisses seemed useless to me. Unfortunately there weren't many girl willing to give a b.lowjob without a few of those too...what was this girls name again?
"Do you come here a lot? Because I'm sure I've seen you already..." She trailed off, setting her hand on my chest casually as she bit down on her lip.
I shrugged, since yes I used to hang out there quite a lot but for what I could remember I had never met her before. Or maybe I had, but I had been drunk, who knew and who cared. "I don't think so, I would've remembered you." I smirked at her, using a line that made me cringe but I wasn't in the mood for playing or hunting. I just wanted to get into her pants, f.uck her and get some sleep. I didn't want to think, it wasn't worth it anyway.
She giggled, pressing her body against me as I wrapped my arm around her waist promptly. She has a decent face, a nice curvy body's but wasn't nothing more than a 7. Nothing to do with an eleven. My eleven. Ugh. "You're trying to make me blush." She said coyly, so,etching that didn't fit her at all. But it wasn't her fault if she was what she was after all, and I was taking advantage of it anyway.

"It's working, isn't it?" I smirked wider and I leaned into her, guessing that things were going to be easier than I thought. Until she pushed me away a little.
She brushed her lips against my cheek, "Buy me a drink first." She whispered in my ear. Now, a drink was something I always needed, mostly since the last time I had gotten drunk.
I pulled back with my grin still in place, setting my hand on the small of her back as I led her to the bar, "All the drinks you want."
"I'm not going to let you get me drunk." She smirked back at me, though her words meant nothing. Every girl claimed that they could hold their liquor but then ended shit faced after two.
"No I am trying to get drunk so that you can take advantage of me." I winked at her as we leaned against the counter of the bar, my eyes moving from hers to her chest to the girl next to her. Lila. Good god. Our gaze locked for a moment and I looked away immediately, "Lets go to the other side of the bar." I said to Jess, if that was her name, in a hurry because the last thing I wanted was to have to deal with Lila.
As I started to turn away I felt a hand on my elbow and I knew it was too late already. "Hey! You could at least say hi!" She narrowed her eyes on me and I knew she was right. Only, it didn't matter.
"Hi Lila, bye Lila." I said in monotone, urging the other girl to move by pressing my hand on her back as I turned away from that pain for my eyes that was Lil. She was so beautiful. So sexy. So out of discussion.
"Who is that?" Jess turned to gloss over Lil before looking back into my eyes.
I shook my head since she had no business in knowing who Lila was. Also, she wasn't someone I cared to label. "A girl I used to work with." I said under my breath.
"He means a girl he used to sleep with. Men get so mixed up sometimes." Lila cut in, being unappropriate because no one was talking to her and no one had asked her anything either.
"Lila." I glared at her, wishing there was a whole city between us and not just a few steps. I had nothing against her, only it was better for us to stay apart.
"That's my name gorgeous." She winked at me and I rolled my eyes just before some guy approached her and that was when I gave my attention back to Jess. Lila could handle herself, she wasn't a baby.
I put my best serious expression on my face as I looked at the girl, whose face was a mix of stupid and confused, "I'm sorry about that." I sighed even though it was all an act. I wasn't sorry, I had nothing to be sorry about, but girls were weird whenever they were around each other, marking their territory even when there was nothing to mark. Mostly I didn't want to blow my chances with this one, I had no patience to pick another one and start all over again.
"It's okay." She said back and bit down on her lip, the smile on her face a genuine one before it turned into a smirk that was supposed to be sexy. "What were we again?"
"We were discussing you taking advantage of me." I said in a low tone as I let my lips curve, our bodies gravitating closer once again.
"Right, you were about to buy me a drink, then we can discuss that." She sat on a stool and scooted closer to me, her eyes not leaving mine. "You have sexy eyes....." She added, casually tracing my jaw with her hand but I was distracted.
I could feel Lila, the attraction, the sparkle, the electricity or how the hell you wanted to call it...it was there, making my blood pump faster and making me feel restless. When I glanced in her direction our gaze locked immediately, a rush of need and desire catching me off guard during those seconds that felt like forever before I forced myself to broke eye contact in favor of looking at the less attractive girl next to me. "You have sexy lips." I said back to her, trying to be back on my focus but damn it, it was nearly impossible.
She let out a small laugh, more like a giggle, faking modesty, "Aren't too pouty?" She asked, actually pouting and making me want to shut her up immediately.
"No they're perfect." I said quietly as I lifted my hand to brush my thumb against them, they were natually pink and soft, I could already feel them wrapped around my dick while she sucked me and I knew they'd be fine for the task. Fine, nothing exciting, nothing like Lila's, whose lips were now busy as she smiled at the bartender. Actually, she was flirting. It was all good, because like this I could finally stop worrying about her ruining my night. But I wanted a fucking drink. "Hey other people at the bar need help you know." My voice rang out and the guy looked back at me.
"Sorry, I just decided to take a break." He smirked, hopping over the counter to offer Lila his hand. "At least let me have 3 or 4 minutes." He offered, nodding towards the dance floor. She took a glance back at me as I stared at her blankly, then she took his hand.
"F.ucking idiot." I muttered under my breath and shook my head as I tore my eyes away from her, having a hard time controlling myself. I was mad and I didn't even know why. Correction, I did instead, this night wasn't going like I had planned, at all.
"If I were his boss? I'd fire him." Jess said from next to me, actually reminding me that she was there, "You can't act like that when you work."
I turned my head towards her slowly, for once her lack of brain seemed quite a good thing and it was almost cute. Or maybe I was just pitying her. Either way, I found that amusing. "Mostly when there's a customer who was more than willing to buy drinks to a sexy girl." I smirked at her. She giggled. Again.
"Let's go somewhere else..." She trailed off, the tone of her voice low as she looked up at me through her dark lashes, in a way that couldn't be misunderstood. Bingo.
"Your place?" I tried and smirked wider, in a hurry to leave this f.ucking club.
She stood up and spun on her heels, pressing her a.ss against my crotch as she tossed her head over her shoulder, "It depends on how lucky you are."
"I'm always super lucky." I said back as my hands grasped her hips, keeping her body in place. But when I tilted my head down and her perfume hit my nose, there was something wrong, something that bothered me. I didn't know what was about me tonight, but I was starting to feel frustrated. I sucked it up, closing my eyes and pressing my lips against her neck and in a moment the body I was holding wasn't hers anymore. She smelled sweet again, her skin was silky...
"Trav." A voice took me out of my reverie, which was for the best. Still.
"What?" I groaned, pulling my head back from Jess' neck and glaring at my brother who was looking at me as if he had just seen a ghost.
"Lila is here." He said slowly, giving me a look.
I shrugged, since that wasn't brand knew information. "I know." I said flatly.
He parted his lips, but before he could go on Jess butted in, "Oh my god I know you!" She exclaimed wide eyed.
He looked at her. Then at me. Then at her again. He, of course, had no clue. "Yeah right!" He nodded and faked a surprised face.
"That's why I thought I had seen you before." She went on, talking to me this time, "Are you two brothers?! Because it'd make sense! We met last week here, but he disappeared before I-" She cut herself off, probably realizing that she was about to say something that was better not to say, "I mean, this is crazy uh?"
Jackson and I exchanged a look that said all. "Crazy really." He nodded before glancing over his shoulder, then back at me, "Trav, she's...woah." He said seriously and I didn't need another word to know who he was talking about.
I moved my eyes to the crowd of people dancing, it took me one second to spot her. The guy with her seemed to have one million hands on her and I wanted to rip them all off of him. She seemed to like it though, being the young naive girl she was. Bartenders were the worst, she really had no idea of what she was getting herself into. "Good for her, she's having fun." I shrugged nonchalantly.
"Should I go get her?" He raised one eyebrow, not listening to me really. Apparently Lila had gotten under my brother's skin.
Yes. But no. "No, she'd bite your head off." I smirked at him, totally imagining her doing something like that.
"Oh well, I'm not scared." He smirked back at me with a shrug, his eyes moving to Jess as I pulled away from her.
"No girl would do anything to you." She said with a wicked grin on her lips, "Not in a bad way."
"Are you suggesting something?" I asked, more to keep myself distracted than anything since my interest was completely dead and my night offically ruined. My brother could deal with my sloppy seconds if he wanted to, but I was out of the game.
She nodded slowly as her gaze danced between both of us, "Yes. It's hard to find brothers who are so incredibly good looking and I hate missing a good chance..."
At her words my brother's eyes lit up and he glanced at me, but I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood for wicked games. "I couldn't agree more." He smirked at her, his hand landing on her hip and just like that, she had switched brother.
"What about you?" She asked me but I was barely listening, too busy staring at Lila who was kissing that bartender. My blood froze. Then it started boiling violently, I felt it thud in my ears so loud I couldn't hear anything else.
"What about me?" I asked back and blinked, giving her my attention for a second that was a second too long because when I glanced where Lila was she wasn't there anymore. Where the fuck was she now. My hands rolled into fists and I set my jaw, instinct getting the best of me and I couldn't help it, it was an almost violent reaction I couldn't stop no matter how much I hated it.
Jackson saw it all and knew it without asking, "I think I saw her going to the ladies room." He said, reading my mind like he always did.
"Fuck my life." I groaned, fury bursting into my veins as I headed in that direction and prayed she'd be there alone or we'd have a problem. A big bloody problem. I pushed the door open, stepping in and letting out a slow breath when I realized that there were girls only in the small room.
"This is the ladies room." One of the girls on the other side of the room called out.
"Who cares....look at him." Another said but I had eyes for Lila only. What the hell was she thinking?!
"Get out." I said pointedly to the other women and she tried to sneak out until I grabbed her. "Not you."
The girls skidded out of there, the last one still eying me until the door shut.
"What?" Lila asked me, looking genuinely confused when it was pretty clear why I was there. She couldn't make good decisions or take care of herself, her brothers had been right.
"I'm bringing you home." I said seriously, not giving her any other chance.
She made a face at me. "The hell you are. You don't get to go all caveman on me whenever we see each other Trav. Go back to ignoring me for your girls, it worked better for both of us."
"That guy you're dancing with is worse than me." I pointed out, making her shoot me a questioning look that I found almost insulting. I was no saint, but I'd never treat her like a cheap fuck.
"So?" She spat. "Travis go away! Leave me alone!!!" She begged, looking out of control.
I groaned, feeling like a mad person myself. "Why did you even have to be here tonight?!" I growled, stepping closer, so furious I could barely breath.
"Oh yeah, everything is about you. I'm so sorry I ruined your night of meaningless boring sex with Miss. Bimbo." She rolled her eyes.
"Damn it Lila." I growled again and we stared at each other for what felt like forever. Then the silence was broken by the sound of us crashing together wonce again, her body in my arms and her lips on mine as I kissed her like a man who was starving.
"Stop..." She whispered against my lips, trying to pull away but having no ability to do so at all.
"You don't want me to stop." I rasped out, my own desire showing in my voice, in the heat in my eyes as I held her tight and started hitting all of her trigger spots with my lips and teeth. Her throat, the place her ear met her neck, her jaw line. I knew it wasn't fair, but I didn't care, I was driven by this crazy need of her that made me blind to reason.
"Travis..."
"Let's not play this game Lila, I'm not in the mood. I just need you right now." I admitted while looking at her, telling her I was seconds away from losing it. I was giving her that little extra time to give her the chance to step out of this, even though I wasn't sure if I'd really let her. I wanted her and I wanted her to say yes to whatever I'd demand.
"Then what?" She managed to ask.
I pulled back. "What?"
"You need me now....you have me. You know you have me whenever you need me. But what next?"
"Lila...." I trailed off, about to explain that next was nothing, that this wouldn't change a thing, but if I knew her a little I knew she'd go on and on arguing about all the reasons why there should have been more than nothing instead, so I cursed and hauled her back into my arms. "I can't walk away from you." I said, almost to myself as my hands grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it up. At least I was being honest, high on her, but honest.
"Travis I love you!" She said out of nowhere and it stopped me dead in my tracks.
I backed up, swallowing as I looked at her as though seeing her for the first time. Fuck no. It couldn't have gone to this point already, it was too much, and I still didn't want to pull back. Someone chose that moment to try to get into the bathroom but I slammed my hand against the door and held it there. "You don't love me Lila." I replied, dead serious, not blinking. I felt as if she had just shot me, aiming straight to my chest. "No. You don't love me. There's a difference."
"Stop telling me how I feel!" Lila hit my chest, hard, or at least as hard as she could, her eyes not even looking at me as I kept her prisoner in my arms. "You can pretend how much you want but you know it's true!"
I let her hit me, part of me actually wishing she could hurt me in some way, but I didn't move an inch, refusing to let her go anywhere. I didn't care what she said, it didn't change a thing. "Lila, you don't know what you're talking about." I said quietly, as if I was talking to a baby I was trying to make reason.
"I do instead!" She protested, looking crazier than before as she made fists into my shirt and gave it a tug, "Look at me Trav...look at me!" She ordered and I did, my stomach flipping when our gaze locked. She might have punched me as well, the result would be the same. "Don't you believe me? Can't you see I mean it? I love you." She repeated, more softly this time.
"You're shaken right now." I swallowed as I forced myself to get a grip. It wasn't like she really loved me anyway, she was confusing the strong attraction between us with love. Okay maybe it was more than just simple attraction, but love? I didn't think so. I cupped her face in my hands and pressed her body against the door, making sure she was still trapped, "Calm down."
"I am calm Travis, I-"
"Shh." I cut her off before those words could leave her lips again and I kissed her instead, silencing her. Or trying, because I could feel her still fighting me. F.uck I hated when she did that.
"Stop it Trav...stop." She muttered between kisses though she let me kiss her anyway, the hold she had on my shirt loosening as she melted in my hold, surrending like she always did. Thank god for that. "I love you." She said one last time, it f.ucking breaking me.
"Lila please...no." I said against her lips as my hands reached for her thighs, grabbing them to pick her up. I was fully aware I was f.ucking up, but I still wanted her too badly to just let her go.
Lila wrapped her legs around my waist, giving into me finally. "What don't you believe? That I'm too naive and young to love, or that someone could really love you?" She whispered, cupping my face in her hands and killing me.
"Both." I said offhandedly, scraping my teeth up her neck as I pressed my denim clad erection against her, making her call out. I didn't want to listen to her anymore, we were bad at talking anyway. This what we were good at instead.
"Every time you touch me I go weak. I think about ways to make you smile, to make you laugh. I worry when you're upset and I'm sad when you're sad. Tell me Travis if that's not love what is?"
"Lil...." Her name was choked out on my lips but instead of answering, I kissed her, hard and long, drawing it out and filling her with my passion, a passion that was for her only and it was the only thing I had to offer.
She kissed me back fervently, tangling her hands in my hair and holding every part of me close while I unzipped my jeans until my hand was pushing aside her panties and then I thrusted, hard and deep inside of her. In a second, my mind went blank, all my focus on my body and hers instead. "TRAVIS!" She called out.
"This is what we are." I growled, mindlessly pumping in and out of her. "Just this...." I repeated, wanting to convince her more than anything.
"You know that's not true...." She whispered, taking me deep every time, letting her head fall back.
I ignored her words, refusing to even consider them and focusing on the feelings instead. In all honesty I didn't know what was more trouble though, only it was so intense I couldn't escape the burn in my chest. "It can't be." I said eventually, my voice barely an understandable growl as I kept pumping inside of her.
She tangled her fingers in my hair, pulling roughly as if she was trying to keep me as close as possible, as if it was never enough, and in a way it wasn't, the desperation in her moves matched mine. It was torture and pleasure, pleasure and pain, I'd pay it all later. "You know it...god, you know it." She repeated, her body heaving up and down between my own and the door.
I pulled back slightly, the few inches I was now out of her feeling like too many already and I rushed to push all the way back inside. "Like this, keep me inside of you." I groaned lowly as I rolled my hips so that I was balls deep inside of her, filling her completely and feeling her stretch for me before tightening around me.
"You are inside of me." She breathed out between moans, her words cutting through me once again as I got the clear feeling that I had no idea of where I ended or where she began, in that moment we were perfectly locked into one.
"Lil." I muttered as I tilted my head down to dip my nose in her hair as my lips hit her neck, kissing and sucking that perfect sweet skin of hers. Closing my eyes, I picked another pace, faster, harder, deeper, to the point I couldn't think straight and that was probably for the best. "F.uck Lila you drive me crazy."
"Show me. I need it Travis....I need you so bad it hurts." Lila admitted, the heavy words coming out along with the moans of pleasure from me filling her.
"Stop..." My voice broke as I pushed deep again, holding her tight and burying my head in her neck. I couldn't handle this, I really couldn't.
"I can't stop baby." She whispered, moving her hands in my hair.
I bit down on her neck, hard, before I started to fuck her without holding back, grasping at any part of her I could get to, my teeth scraping her, nipping at her. She was killing me, I was a dead man. And yet, I couldn't stop. "I want to see you cum." I ordered, my voice monotonous and clashing with what I was really feeling.
"Yes....." She nodded, thrusting her hips towards mine as I moved a hand between us, touching her how I knew she needed, better than she could have done it herself, until she was ready to cum for me, my name on her lips sounding like honey. "You too....inside of me, please...." She begged, over and over, sounding desperate at this point.
I cursed under my breath as my face scrunched up and I kept moving, coming hard and long like never before, her grip around me still so fucking tight that I felt as if we both could kept coming forever. "God Lil." I groaned as I leaned my forehead against hers, closing my eyes because it was almost too much to take.
Her moans went quieter but didn't stop, her body going limp in my hold, "Trav..." She trailed off in a small voice that broke me.
I refused to open my eyes and face the truth, instead I found her lips, capturing them into a slow deep kiss as my hands kept her hips pinned against the door. I knew I had to pull out, but at this point I didn't know if I'd be inside of her again.
As if she sensed my thoughts, she wrapped both arms and legs around me to hold me with all her strenght, "A little longer, please." She whispered against my lips.
I swallowed and opened my eyes eventually, the look on her face a hard one to stare at. I stared at her anyway, appreciating how beautiful she was. "We have to get out of this bathroom before someone come to kick us out." I said quietly as I offered a small smile, cupping her cheek with one hand and brushing her hair off her face.
"Okay." She bit down on her lip and nodded, looking lost into her thoughts. I didn't want to know what she was thinking about.
I pulled out of her regretfully, a groan escaping me in the process before I set her back on her feet and adjusted her skirt. "I'm taking you home now, okay?" I said as I wrapped my arm around her, wanting to make her feel safe even though I was the one hurting her. It was wicked and it made no sense, still...I needed to take her home and know she was fine, or at least as fine as she could be.
"Okay." Lila nodded, looking as if she could pass out any moment.
"Are you?" I asked, tilting up her head as I took special care to smooth her dress, then her hair, treating her like the fragile little thing I had made of her.
"I wish I didn't." She whispered, her voice breaking.
I sighed, scooping her up into my arms and holding her tight. "I know." I held her tight, and then I walked her outside, setting her in my car and driving carefully for once.
"Is it really just me?" She asked softly, glancing over at me.
I shook my head, wishing she could stop thinking she was the problem. "Lil...." I trailed off, starting to sound like a broken record.
She licked her lips and leaned into me. "I'm trying not to be just another girl who falls for a guy for no reason Trav, but I've never felt anything like what I feel for you. Like we're connected in a way I can't even explain....you're right...I'm young and I've never been in love before so maybe I'm confusing it with something else. Tell me that's true."
I swallowed thickly. "I can't tell you how you feel." I answered as I pulled up to her apartment.
She got out, not waiting for me to help her but letting me followed her close. We stopped at her door and she turned to me. "You can tell me how you feel." She said seriously, sliding her hands up my chest to hold my face, tiptoing up to kiss my lips. "You can't tell me it's nothing." She whispered against them.
"Is that what you want to hear from me?" I asked quietly, picking my words carefully even though I wasn't sure if I was saying the right thing anyway. Truth was, I thought that no matter what would leave my mouth, it'd never be what she wished.
She pulled head back just so slightly to stare into my eyes, her hands still holding onto me firmly. "I just want to know what you think..." She trailed off, her voice small once again.
I let my hands run down her back as I kept her in place, as if I was trying to protect her physically from a kind of hurt that had nothing to do with her body. F.uck, I felt so guilty. "It's not a good idea instead." I said stubbornly, shaking my head.
"Travis." She bored her eyes into mine, pinning me with her serious gaze.
"I don't love you Lil." I said bluntly, hating that I had to say it but knowing it was needed. The look into her eyes changed and a part of me died a little because I was doing it again, even if these are different circumstances and a different girl, I knew I was ruining her.
She swallowed, nodding her head slowly before she took a shaky breath. "I know. But you care about me, don't you?" She asked in a whisper, looking like she was about to break and the last thing I wanted was to see her in tears.
"Of course I do." I admitted as I wrapped her tiny body into a hug, my hand cupping her nape when she buried her face against my chest. She was so little into my hold, so fragile. "I'm sorry Lil." I said against her hair, meaning it.
"I know." Lila whispered against my chest, not another word leaving her mouth as she left me torture myself in the silence
I wondered what she could be thinking and all of a sudden I knew it. "It's not you." I replied, wishing she knew that it was all my fault even though that wasn't even the right word. I just didn't want to be in a relationship.
"It's me." She said as she ran her hands through her hair. "You want a family, a wife and kids and you don't think I can give it to you."
"Lila...." I trailed off, taking time to find the right way to explain her that it was complicated. And she was eight years younger than me, she couldn't be thinking about those things yet.
"You had a girlfriend, you've been in love before, so it's not you. Therefor it has to be me."
"I-" I started, determined to argue about that.
She shook her head and held her hand to my lips. "Stay with me." She asked, even though it had come out like an order.
"That's not a good idea." I pointed out.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "Stay with me."
I took in a deep breath, then nodded slowly, walking with her into her apartment and watching as she put away her shoes and hung up her keys and her bag. "Why?" I asked from behind her.
"Because I want you to." She replied, making me want to put some sense into her head. But then again, I couldn't take a single one good decision, how could I expect her to take ones for both of us?
I ran my hands through my hair, wishing I wasn't so selfish and I could just walk out and away from here. "Do you have something to drink?" I asked eventually.
"I'm not in the mood for drunk Travis." She said seriously and I shot her a blank stare, because of course I didn't want to get drunk. I just needed a f.ucking drink. "Under the sink." She added with a sigh.
I walked into the kitchen, bending over to open the cabinet where a bottle of whiskey was stashed, "Why are you hiding it?" I asked casually, pretending it was just the usual us, and nothing had happened. Truth was, I was exhausted and guilt was eating me whole. That was also why I didn't want a relationship, they were consuming.
"I don't know." She shrugged nonchalantly before disappearing from my view.
"Where are you going?" I asked loud enough for her to hear as I poured myself a glass of brown liquor, guilt joined by some kind of anxiety, almost fear, that she could break anytime soon.
"I'm getting changed!" Came her answer and I let out a breath I wasn't even aware to hold, for once being wise enough not to go straight into her bedroom and enjoy the show. I had already taken her once and done enough damage.
I grabbed my glass and walked out on her small balcony instead, setting a cigarette between my lips before lighting it. It was as if I wasn't even in my own life, it felt like a dream, a nightmare, a bad joke. All those years spent dodging girls like bullets had gone to waste in a bunch of seconds, I wouldn't have ever thought that a girl like Lila, so young and different from me, could be so hard to get out of my system.
"I hate when you smoke." Her voice cut into my thoughts and I nearly had a heart attack.
"Shit Lil." I muttered under my breath, groaning, but that made her laugh. God her laugh. I gulped a sip of whiskey, enjoying the burning feeling down my throat as I took in her tiny body and the huge shirt that she was wearing. "I know." I said eventually with a shrug, full aware that it was a bad habit like many others I had, one I wasn't going to change anyway. I took a last drag before tossing the cigarette butt away, my now free hand reached for her as I pulled her against me while I freed my other hand too by setting the empty glass on the window sill.
"I love you." Lila whispered against my chest and my hands shook as I held her tighter. It was like a punch in the stomach everytime she said it. "I'm sorry." She shook her head and I pulled back, holding her face in my hands.
"You can't be sorry." I ordered, the sharp bite in my voice maybe not appropried but needed. I had to be the sorry one, I was the one in the wrong.
She swallowed and nodded. "If I didn't love you we'd be fine." She groaned. "This is the worst." She added and I chuckled. "Are you laughing at me?"
I shook my head. "No, you're just.....you're you. Even.....now." I tried to explain even if I was having a hard time saying what was going through my head.
"I'll always be me Trav. Even if me is stupid." She growled the end and I pulled her into my body again, knowing that I had no words for her to make her feel better.
"Lila...." I trailed off, dipping my nose into her hair and breathing in deeply, her sweet scent went to my head and made me want to take her again. There was something definitely wrong with me. She shivered but shook her head, standing up and looking exhausted. "Come on cutie, I'm putting you to bed." I added, suppressing my needs.
"Okay." She nodded simply, her eyes looking empty again and making me hate myself a little more. And yet, I couldn't stop, I couldn't just walk away.
I kissed her forehead then pulled back, reaching for her hand and leading her to her bedroom in silence. She seemed lost into her own thought and I was too, I was busy making a list of pros and cons of staying the night, of course the cons were more then the pros, then I thought about her asking me to stay and I knew I'd stay. Truth was, I feel like an a.sshole, and even though staying could look like a nice thing, it made me an even bigger a.sshole, because you couldn't make feel better a girl you hurt in first place. "Do you sleep like this?" I asked once we stopped next to her bed, remembering that the last time we had slept together she was naked. Tonight I couldn't handle that.
She shook her head, her eyes moving to a piece of cloth on a chair, "My nightgown." She said simply, looking as if she didn't even have the strenght to talk anymore. And it was all my fault. I slipped my hands under her shirt to peel it off her tiny body, my palms running up her silky skin in the process and making her shiver. Ugh. "Travis please, I can't." She breathed out, closing her eyes and biting down hard on her bottom lip.
I blinked at her, even though she couldn't look at me, noticing how her body language was basically telling me to stay away. It was clear what her "I can't" meant and even though I was dying to be inside of her again, I wouldn't push her so far. "I know." I said quietly as I slipped her nightgown over her body, wanting to cut my own hands because they were already itching to touch her. "You're all ready." I added, wanting her to open her eyes.
And she did, taking a deep breath, "I have to pee." She announced and I raised one eyebrow at her, remembering how that had turned out the last time. "For real." She added before heading to the bathroom.
Once alone I stared at her bed, as if it could start talking and telling me if it was better for me to stay or go. Because of course, I Was the center of my world. "F.uck it." I muttered under my breath as I kicked my shoes off, then got rid of my jeans and my shirt before laying down. I wanted to stay and make sure she'd spend the night sleeping.
She stepped into the room again, blinking her green eyes at me, "You're staying?" She asked, surprise in her voice.
"You asked me to." I answered quietly, wondering if she was changing her mind, "Come here." I said as I stretched my arm out to offer her my hand.
Lila grabbed my hand, letting me pull me into my body.
I wrapped her up in my arms first and the blankets second before running my hands down her soft hair. "Trav..." She whispered, though she yawned as she said it, so cute I could barely handle it.
"Shhh...sleep Lil." I said quietly, knowing it was what she needed the most right now.
"I love you." She whispered finally, killing me once again.
"I know." Was all I was able to say before I felt her body go motionless into my arms as she fell asleep. I tilted my head down to press a soft kiss on her cheek, ready to sleep myself. "Sweet dreams baby."