Wondering where you've been all my life.

I turned the alarm of after having a hard time finding it in the dark, my eyes still adjusting as I sat up in Ben's bed. The clock said 4:30 AM exactly and when I looked over to his side of the bed, he wasn't there. It took not more than a second to register the sound of water and know that he was showering... but why so early? I crawled out of bed and discarded the shirt I had on, stepping into the shower and wrapping my arms around him, a smile playing on my lips when he jumped a little.

"What are you doing out of bed?" He asked and turned to face me, the image of his body wet and naked waking me up almost instantly.

"What are you doing awake this early?" I retorted, blinking my eyes as the water cascaded down us. There were a million simple things I had missed about being in a relationship with Ben and showering together was definitely at the top of that list. 

He lowered his head, tilting my chin up with his fingers and didn't waste another second, kissing me hard. My whole body felt the kiss and made me wonder how we'd gone so long ignoring the feelings that had never gone away between the two of us. "Early call time," He responded after breaking the kiss, a pout appearing on my lips before I could stop it. The one thing I didn't miss? Our work hours were never on the same page which was odd since we were in the same industry, only my line of work was in a whole other world than his. "Will you be able to bring Gabe to school?" He asked when I didn't say anything, probably reading my mind.

"Of course," I said and smiled again. 

"Perfect," He said and smiled back at me, knowing we'd make this work no matter what. He reached for some shampoo and tangled his fingers in my hair, washing it slowly, "I'll go pick him up."

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, moaning a little when he massaged my scalp, "Mhm. This feels so good," I said in a whisper as my hands landed on his chest.

"The perks of living with your boyfriend..." He trailed off and I could feel his eyes on me, my body blushing in return. 

"True, so many," I agreed and opened my eyes before frowning a little, "We don't have time for sexy stuff right?"

He laughed at my expression, but then sighed, "We don't, unfortunately." He shook his head as he rinsed my hair carefully, "We'll make up for it tonight."

I cuddled against him, content since I knew we'd more than make up for it later. His hands moved down my body, washing me slowly and making that ache between my legs become unbearable. "It's still night," I pointed out in a small voice.

"Sorry baby," He smirked and kissed my forehead, letting his hands move up and down my body a few more times before turning off the water. "I'll make you breakfast."

"At least we still have a little time for ourselves before starting the day," I offered with a sigh and a smile as we both wore our robes. It was all so natural, so familiar, it amazed me how much and yet so little had changed between us.

"Look at my baby being so positive," He smirked at me, grabbing my hand as we walked in the dark of the apartment toward the kitchen.

"I don't have much to be negative about these days," I whispered as we walked past Gabe's room, no sound coming from inside which was a good side. We were constantly on alert around him, trying not to give ourselves away. I hated that we were hiding our relationship from him, but we needed time to think about what to tell him. 

He turned on the lights of the kitchen, letting go of my hand regretfully, "I don't have any." He winked at me and I tried resisting the urge to drag him back  to bed.

 

 "Then I must be doing something right," I grinned back at him, it feeling like we had gone back in time to when we first found out that I was pregnant and we'd gotten our own place together. It was crazy how after all these years I still felt so much love for him, I still felt like I was falling more and more in love with him every day.

"Always," He replied, watching as I bit into my bottom lip to keep me from grinning like an idiot. The effect he had on me was so intense. "What?"

"What?" I repeated and leaned against the counter, keeping my eyes on him. He laughed softly and shook his head while I folded my arms in front of me on the flat surface, "So what are you making for breakfast?"

"Omelettes?" He asked, walking to the fridge and opening it up, making sure we had all the right ingredients. Gabe was a growing boy and surprisingly ate a lot of food. I felt like I was constantly going grocery shopping to replace everything he'd eaten. 

"That sounds great," I said seriously, starving suddenly. "What are you shooting today? Are you going to be naked again?" I asked with a smirk, playing it off like it didn't bother me. I hated that it bothered me, but I'd never admit it out loud. 

He shook his head as he reached for all the ingredients, "No, I'm shooting for Nautica."

I watched as he put a pan on the stove and then I moved to grab two plates, feeling his eyes on me as I moved. "Good," I said back and wrinkled my nose before turning around to make some coffee but hiding my face from him in case it gave anything away.

"Good? Are you jealous?" He asked, teasing me. 

I turned to him again, biting my lip, "Of course not." I chose that moment to break eye contact in favor of looking into the pan where the first omelette was being made.

"What about you?" He asked quietly. 

I broke into a big grin, setting two cups of coffee on the table as I glanced at him, "No I'm not going to be naked."

He laughed at my joke, "Not even for me?" He grinned himself as he finished making the second omelette and set one on each plate.

"You said we didn't have enough time for that right now," I said and added a silly pout, wishing we could climb back into bed and eat our breakfast there. Of course, if we got back into bed now? It'd probably be damn near impossible to get back out. 

He grinned and wrapped both of his arms around me, pulling my body into his, "Tonight."

"We'll both be naked tonight," I whispered and smirked at him, already imagining him inside of me. I could feel my body heating up, if I didn't stop these thoughts now I'd definitely be dragging him back to my bedroom. "Are you hungry?"

He let out a laugh and his grin remained in place, "You can't do that."

"Do what?" I slid my hands up to his chest, an innocent expression on my face.  

"Talk about being naked and then ask if I'm hungry," He replied and moved his hands to my hips, pressing a chaste kiss against my lips before regretfully pulling away once more. "I'm always hungry," He added, grabbing both of the plates from off the counter and handing me mine. 

"For me I hope," I winked and picked up my fork, cutting a piece off and bringing it to my mouth to eat it. 

"Always," He sighed, walking to the fridge and grabbing some oj.

I shot him an amused look, taking the bottle from his hand and pouring some of the orange liquid into my glass, "What's that sigh for?"

"Because I can't eat you now," He smirked as he sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder to pull me to him and kiss my lips at first, then he got carried away and nibbled at my bottom lip.

"Ouch," I protested in a silly tone, still keeping my lips glued to his and smiling.

"Sorry," He smirked wider as he kissed me, pulling away regretfully but setting his hand on my thigh.

"So-" I started but Gabe's voice cut me off.

"Maman?" He asked in a little voice, sounding as sleepy as he looked.

I noticed Ben's body tense beside me as both of our eyes flew to our son, wondering for how long he had been there and if he had seen something. "What's wrong little man? It's still early for you," Ben said quietly and stood up, walking to him and picking him up. He was getting too old for that and too heavy also, but we couldn't help it. He'd always be our little baby. 

"I had a bad dream," He pouted then yawned, wrapping an arm around his dad's neck and resting his head on his shoulder.

I walked over to my boys, caressing Gabe's cheek as I smiled at him. "It's over now. We're with you," I reassured him as I pressed a kiss on his forehead, hoping he wasn't curious why I was at his fathers house and not at my place in my own bed. "It was just a dream...you need to get some more sleep, you have school later."

"I don't want to sleep again," He said and yawned again, his body disagreeing with him of course.

"What if I take you to my bed?" Ben offered as he looked down at him, "You can't have nightmares in my bed."

"Okay but I want maman."

I shot Ben a look and took Gabe from his arms, adjusting him in my hold, "Deal baby." 

Ben kissed his forehead before letting us walk out the kitchen, down the hall and into the bedroom we'd been spending most of our nights in. I felt like we were lying to our child, like this was getting out of hand and sooner or later he'd catch on and be mad at us. "I love you," I whispered after setting him down on the bed, his eyes already shut and his mouth slightly open. He looked like a little angel and was already fast asleep. 

I walked back into the kitchen, an uncertain expression on Ben's handsome face as he stared out the window with his arms crossed against his chest. "We need to tell him," He said to me as soon as he noticed me. 

I parted my lips because he had caught me off guard, nodding my head since I agreed with him. "Do you think he knows?" I asked and widened my eyes a little, remembering what I was wearing. Waking up to us being so close and wearing nothing but robes? Gabe was only a child, but he was a smart kid. 

"He's very smart," Ben replied and pivoted his body in the chair to face me. 

"He is." I stepped between his legs and let out a sigh, wondering why we had been avoiding this moment since it could only go two ways and I was pretty sure that Gabe would be happy about the change. He'd only ever known us to be apart, so wouldn't he enjoy having a real family? "We need to talk about this first... what we'll do with our places. Should we live at your place and sell mine? Sell both and start over?"

He pressed his lips against mine, a quiet way of shutting me up. When he pulled back, a smile was playing on his lips, "What do you want?"

I liked my place, but it was small. Ben's wasn't much bigger, but it looked like a bachelor pad and it killed me to think of how many girls had been here with him. "I want us to get a place together," I answered, surprising myself since I'd thought about it before and had assumed we'd just end up keeping one of our places. I didn't want to live in the past though, I wanted to start our future together.  

"I thought you want to wait for that," He said quietly, brushing my hair off my face as he kept his eyes on mine.

I licked my lips slowly, giving him a questioning look, "Is that what you want?"

He smiled into my eyes and shook his head, "I told you, I only want what you want and what makes you happy." 

At that I frowned a little, wanting to hear his opinion. "But I can't decide all by myself. Tell me what you think at least," I insisted, not wanting to take this huge step on my own. 

"I like the idea of getting a place together," He started, wrapping an arm around my waist loosely as I leaned my ass against his thigh, "It'd be a fresh start. It'd allow us to get it like we want it, it'd be the beginning of the rest of our life together."

I listen and nodded, "I feel like a but is coming." 

"The only thing I'm worried about is Gabe," He said shortly. "And also it's a lot of work, I don't want you to stress over anything."

I smiled at his words, wishing it were simple and we could just become one big happy family without any consequences. I knew that we'd get there soon, but it definitely wasn't going to be easy. "I have nothing to stress about," I replied and shook my head. "Not with you on my team."

He cracked a smile that rivaled mine and dipped his head to nuzzle my neck. "We make a good team," He said quietly against my skin, my body heating up from the contact. 

"We do. I think Gabe will be happy... It'll be a change, but definitely one for the best," I said softly and closed my eyes, loving the way it felt being in Ben's arms. 

I could feel his head pull back, but I didn't move, not wanting this moment to end. This little world that we had been living in was so much better than the real one. "Are you falling asleep?" He broke into my thoughts and I let my eyes flutter open to look at him again and smile. 

"No, just enjoying your company," I said honestly. "Are you ready to hear all the 'I told you so's' from our family?"

At my words, He made a face since that had to be what he dreaded the most. Our families loved us of course but sometimes they were too nosy. "Do we really have to tell them?" He asked and pursed his lips together.

I let out a chuckle, giving him an amused look before nuzzling his neck again, "I'm afraid we do. We can't just show up one day and act all lovey dovey."

"Why not?" He asked, being silly as he allowed himself to smirk.

I peeked up at Ben, my arms wrapped around his waist as I contemplated that. It'd never work with our families. "It'd be even worse," I shot him a small grin.

He sighed, running his hand through my hair and smiling, "So you're telling your family and Chloe and I'm telling my parents?"

"You don't really want to tell Chloe, do you?" I asked as I set my chin on his chest to look up at him.

He shook his head, "I'm getting a headache just thinking about it."

"It can't be that bad," I laughed lightly, a perfect smile appearing on his lips and making me melt. 

"You'll tell me," He grinned and poked my nose before kissing it.

I lifted an eyebrow before wetting my lips by running my tongue across them slowly, "I'll tell Chloe."

He gave me a skeptical look, knowing me far too well, "What's the catch?"

"You have to break the news to my sister," I tried to reason with him, knowing he'd rather avoid my sister at all cost instead. The thing was, we all grew up together, but Mila was so overprotective of me - to the point where she was just mostly a bitch to Ben. A groan escaped him before I could get in another word and his head was already shaking. "No deal?" I broke into a grin, wanting to kiss him... or go back into the shower. We had to be careful though, we never knew when Gabe would pop up and make another appearance. We were walking on eggshells around him to hide us being together and I hated that. I wanted our little man to be happy with us. 

"God no," He said flatly. 

I smiled and relaxed my body in his arms, "We should tell Gabe tonight."

"At this point telling Gabe doesn't even worry me anymore," He said seriously as he made a face.

"Because nothing sounds as bad as breaking the news to our sisters?" I turned my smile into a smirk, reading his mind since I knew the way my man thought. And I agreed with him completely on that subject.

"Exactly," He said with a sigh, running a hand up and down my back. "But yes, we should tell Gabe tonight."

Silence fell in the room and I didn't mind it, knowing that the both of us were lost into our own thoughts which were the same anyway. "What should we tell him exactly?" 

"That maman and papa really love each other and love him a lot too so from now on we'll always be all together?" He tried, his words going straight to my heart and I melted even more. I loved him... and that was an understatement. "Should we tell him that we'll move too?"

"I am so in love with you right now," I responded, not really answering his question but I couldn't wait another minute without letting him know how I felt. I wasted too much time already. 

He cracked a wide grin and pulled me closer to him, "Just right now?"

"Always instead," I leaned my head against his chest and a second later felt him press a kiss against the top of it. 

A laugh escaped him, it sounding like music to my ears, "I love you too, but you didn't answer my question."

I pulled my head back to smile at him, "We'll take it slow. Start by telling him how in love we are and see how he takes it."

He nodded, "If he takes it bad then we'll put it off?"

I pursed my lips together and then smiled again, "I think he'll be happy instead." 

"I hope so," He said seriously. "It's not like we're giving him any other choice anyway."

"What?!" I laughed softly, nuzzling his neck and keeping my body glued to his. There was no place in the world I'd rather be right now than in his arms. 

"He will have to learn to see us together, I'm not letting you go for any reason," He pulled his head back to grin at me, being silly even though there was probably a lot of truth to his words also. 

"I know," I beamed at him, "He's already seen us a lot together though, I don't think he'll get used to this faster than we think. It'd probably take longer to get used to his new room."

He processed my words in silence, keeping me close to him while both of us enjoyed the relaxed mood. "You're right," He agreed, knowing that our little man always had trouble sleeping whenever he changed his bed. A new room was going to take some getting used to, but it was definitely worth it. "We should take him with us when we'll have to pick a new place for us."

"If it were up to him, he'd want a mansion with a pool and an arcade room," I laughed softly, reaching for Ben's hand and tangling my fingers with his. My eyes grazed the clock and I wrinkled my nose, knowing that he'd have to leave soon. Even though we spent more and more time together, I still hated saying bye. 

"That doesn't sound so bad. What's that face for?" He smirked and nuzzled my neck until I was smiling again. 

I tilted my head to look at his, leaning in for a soft kiss and letting my lips linger against his before kissing him once more. "You have to leave me soon," I whispered and pouted again, part of me being silly while another part really was genuinely pouting. 

"I'll never leave you," He smiled at the silly face I was making.

My pout turned into a smile again, knowing what he meant but playing along, "So no work today?" 

"Yes work," He sighed, looking unhappy about having to go to work. Even though neither of us were doing what we really wanted in life, we still loved our jobs. "But I'll be back soon."

"How soon?" I asked stubbornly, wrapping my arms tight around his waist as I pressed every inch of my body against him, as if I had no intention of letting him go.

"So soon you won't even have time to miss me," He said as he held me just as tight. 

I shook my head and grinned, "Impossible. I always miss you instead."

He grinned down at me before pressing a kiss against my forehead, nose, and then lips. I wondered if he thought I was joking because my words were true. I missed him like crazy when we weren't together. Being apart from each other for so long made me realize what I had missed, and how lucky I was to have him again. "Don't you work today?" He asked quietly, pulling his body back from mine slowly. 

"Yes," I wrinkled my nose. "Putting makeup on half naked male models. Life is so hard." 

He raised one eyebrow at me, shooting me an amused look, "How come they're never female models?" 

I shrugged nonchalantly, "I have no idea, maybe you should ask your mom. Are you jealous?"
"No, I'm your favorite model anyway," He said and pulled back, pouring himself more coffee.
My eyes took in his flawless features as I bit down on my lip, "You are." 
"You're mine," He smirked at me before downing a full cup of coffee.
"But I'm no model," I protested, a small frown forming on my face.
"You're so much better," He said seriously and looked lost in thought for a moment. And while I knew that I wasn't the thinnest or even the prettiest, I believed his words. 

My eyebrows shot up and I tried to resist my grin, "The best even?"

He let out a laugh and wrapped one arm around my waist before leaning in to kiss my cheek, "You are. I have to go get ready now unfortunately. What will you do?"

I didn't waste one second, a full out pout on my face before I sighed, watching Ben stand up and stretch his body out as if he were still waking up. I could get used to this, starting my mornings with the man I loved every day. "I might go back to bed and cuddle our little man for another hour," I stood up, my hands itching to touch my man again. It was so easy to fall back into this routine with him, like we'd never stopped. Of course when Gabe was a baby, things were so different.

"Lucky," He said simply and reached down for my hand to link it with his. 

I smiled back and gave his hand a squeeze, "I'll save some cuddles for you."

"You better," He smirked as he lifted our hands to press a kiss on my knuckles, his eyes still on my face while our eyes locked together. 

"Tonight, when we'll all be home, we'll have a cuddle party," I said with a silly face, feeling like no time had passed. 

He let out a soft laugh as he led the way back to his room, "Those are my fave."

We stopped in the doorway, both of us looking at Gabe who was asleep in Ben's bed, his tiny body curled on one side. "He looks like an angel," I whispered with an adoring smile on my face, wondering what was on Ben's mind. Sometimes it was crazy, thinking about how we'd made that little cutie. 

"Only when he sleeps," He grinned as he wrapped an arm around me once again, squeezing my body against his side. "Baby..." He started, letting his words trail off. 

"Yes?" I asked, looking up at him and seeing the nerves in his expression.

"I was wondering if you're on the pill," He said quietly, taking me by surprise.

I blinked as I kept my gaze on him, wondering where that had come from. I always knew that I wanted more kids one day, at least one more, but not like this... not when we couldn't even tell Gabe we were together again. Our families might have their suspicions, but no one knew. "Of course," I responded after realizing I still hadn't answered him and he was starting to look worried. I smiled and wrinkled my nose, "Where'd that question come from?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I was just wondering."

I bit my tongue, tempted to ask if it had come from Tristan who was probably filling his head with thoughts. I hoped his friend didn't think so lowly of me, that I'd try to get pregnant and trap Ben. "I am," I replied. "Were you worried that I wasn't?"  

"Not exactly worried, since I asked you now after weeks that we're sleeping together..." He trailed off, speaking his mind while I worried if he was afraid to have another child, whether now or in the future. 

I nodded my head as I kept staring at him, eventually grinning, "Do you feel better now?" 

"I would have been fine even if you had said that you weren't," He shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes moving to Gabe again while my eyes remained on him. 

I bit down on my lip before turning my head to let my gaze match his; our son genuinely looking like an angel while he slept. It wasn't always so easy though. The first few years were hard, especially after we broke up. "Have you ever thought about having another?" I asked quietly, wishing I could take it back instantly since we had just gotten back together. It probably wasn't the best time to jump into that conversation. 

"No," He answered simply and I moved my eyes back to him, wondering whether he meant no he didn't want one or no the thought just hadn't crossed his mind. "I mean, while I was dating, I just assumed I wouldn't have another."

I nodded my head and tore my gaze from his in favor of looking at our son again. I knew exactly what he meant, but it didn't make it any easier hearing him talking about his past and the relationships that weren't with me. I wondered if I'd ever get over that jealous feeling, hating that so many girls had been with the only man I'd ever been in love with. Then again, I was sure he didn't like the idea of me with anyone either. It was all the past though, we were moving forward with our life together. "We can revisit this conversation another time," I offered with a smile. "We have all the time in the world now."

"We do," He agreed quietly, still processing my words, "I wouldn't mind it though."

I furrowed my eyebrows, setting one hand on his hard chest, "What?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, "Having another baby." 

"Do you want one?" I asked carefully, it sounding so simple as he said it when having a child was anything but. We could barely handle it the first time, of course, we were so much younger then... still kids. Now we were much wiser and made great parents. I was proud of how much we had grown and what an amazing boy we were raising. 

"I'm not saying I want another baby right now," He started, picking the right words, "I never thought I'd have another one, but it was because I wasn't with you. It's all different now that we're together and I think that Gabe would be happy to have a little sister or a little brother. I'd be happy too."

I smiled as his words sunk in, knowing that I had the perfect man who always said the right thing. I wouldn't trade him for anything, and I'd certainly never let him go. "I love you," I said, turning my head back to look at Gabe, trying to conceal the huge smile on my face. 

Ben wrapped an arm around my waist and lowered his head to press his lips against my ear, "Why are you blushing?"

I shrugged my shoulders and tried holding back a grin, "What, no I love you back?"

"I love you," He said back softly and kissed the place below my ear, sending shivers through my body. "We can talk about this later."

"Okay," I nodded my head and tilted it in his direction to smile at him, pressing a kiss against his lips before he had the chance to pull away and get ready. "I'd be happy too... if we had another kid. Not now, but some day."

"We'll get there," He said against my lips, having a hard time pulling away and I wasn't complaining. I wanted to stay like this forever. "For now, we can keep practicing."

I frowned, pouted too, "Lies, you have to go instead."

He sighed as he wrapped both arms tight around me to pick me up and hold me pressed against him, as close as possible. "I'll make up for that later," He whispered before kissing me hard, pouring himself into that kiss and it was perfect. 

"I wonder how," I smirked a little as I broke the kiss, my voice breathy.

He set me back on my feet, pulling away regretfully and winked as he headed to the closet, "You'll see."