you're my light in the sand, when i go too far

you're my light in the sand, when i go too far by ssaarah

I pushed my bag up onto my shoulder as I walked through the mall with Scar. Neither of us had had a lot of free time lately so when the day came that neither of us had anything planned? We scooped up the opportunity for a girls day. Since our big fight we hadn’t really hung out and I was glad she said yes.

“Why are you wearing a scarf?” She asked. “It’s 30 billion degrees out.” I looked down and shrugged.

“It’s lightweight and cute?” she rose a brow at me.

“It would be more lightweight without it.” She pointed out and I felt a blush creep up my face. Scar noticed and broke into a wide grin before yanking at my scarf.

“Hey!” Scar started laughing.

“Oh my god you have a hickey! How old are you?!” I glared at her and grabbed my scarf back, wrapping it loosely back around my neck because she was right it was fucking hot.

“Worth it!” I replied seriously, flashing back momentarily to Nick’s mouth on my skin as I came apart beneath him.

“I should hope so. Has Nick asked you to the prom too?” I rolled my eyes but I was in too good a mood to be brought down by her teasing.

“If he would? I’d say yes.” I grinned. “What about you?”

“I'm in my twenties, I'm too old for the prom.” She replied with a grin.

“Ha ha. Not what I meant.”

"What do you mean then? I don't get it!" Scar widened her eyes at me before breaking into a grin and looking in front of her. I elbowed her in the side as I looked at my friend.

"Tell me what I missed out during these last weeks." I pushed on. She glanced at me quickly, her grin still in place but I knew it was kind of fake.

"Not your pill I hope."

 "Scar!" I felt my face flush and she grinned wider only this time it was real.

"The world's not ready for a baby Brooke. One is more than enough." She said seriously then broke into a chuckle when I rolled my eyes, though she had a point.

"I'll wait for you, I'll have a girl and you'll have a boy and they'll get married." I grinned, my good mood enveloping me as I looped my arm around hers.

"Why do I get the boy? Boys suck." She said flatly.  I rose a brow.

"Girls do. Usually”

 "Uh dirty Brooke, I like it." she wriggled her brows in a suggestive way before we both broke into a laugh. I couldn't remember the last time we had been so silly together and it was a relief to have my friend back even though I felt like something was off.

“I like it too.” I agreed, as we passed the food court and my stomach growled.

“Hungry?” I shrugged.

“Apparently! But I'm not eating fast food.” I scrunched up my face and Scar smirked before she nudged me.

“Oh come on be bad.” She winked and I laughed as I shook my head.

“Fine, but ice cream only.” I gave in and we got a big sundae to share, we sat across from each other and ate it slowly as I tried to read my friends face. “You’re not mad at me anymore are you?” I asked. She shook her head.

“No.” she replied, seriously but still something tugged at my chest.

“You were right about me. Those things you said. I was afraid to get hurt again, afraid that no one would want me the way I thought Nolan had wanted me. Hell I'm still afraid. But it’s worth it to jump all in and take the risk sometimes right?” she gave me a sweet smile.

“Brooke I haven’t seen you this happy and cute since…ever.” She replied, smirking. “Nick must really know what he’s doing.” I felt a blush cover my whole body as I grinned back at her.

“Don’t distract me I'm trying to apologize!” I replied, chucking a napkin at her. She shook her head.

“We both said things we didn’t mean. I forgive you.” She nodded.

“You seem a little off anyways. You even let me eat the cherry without fighting for it.” I joked, adding silliness since apparently we couldn’t eve handle being serious for two long and I loved that.

"I feel generous today."

"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes at her because that was silly there was something off. 

"How's the sex?" she as she brought the ice cream to her mouth and sucked it out of her mouth slowly. I laughed and shook my head.

"You look almost obscene when you do that."

"I do what?" she asked innocently, repeating the motion but making it even worse. Silly girl.

"Don't act all innocent with me, I know you better than that."

"Do you? How? We never slept together." At that I laughed again, god I loved her so much it was silly. What would I have done if we hadn’t made up?! Been miserable for sure.

“Just because you always say you'd never do a girl." I pointed out and I expected her to say something filthy about needing a big dick but instead she swallowed thickly and looked at the ground.  What the hell?

"You didn't answer my question." she retorted, wanting to change the subject.

"Hey, stop trying to make me talk dirty to you!" I teased, pointing my spoon at her, "I want to know about you!!"

 "My show is in a few days and I'm so nervous."

"Tell me something I don't know." I retorted, rolling her eyes, "And not boring."

"I had a threesome with Mase." She said so fast it took a second to process it. "So, are you and Nick officially together or what?"

“Woah.” I said seriously. “Back it up and press pause.” I replied seriously. “You had a threesome with Mase?”

“Yeah.” I blinked at her.

“Mase and who?” I asked seriously. She shrugged.

“Some girl.” I shook my head as I tried to process this information.

“Okay first of all? You’re not allowed to tell me groundbreaking news as if you’re talking about the weather. Secondly? I'm beyond offended that I'm not the first girl you chose to sleep with.” I replied, breaking into a grin as I tried not to laugh.

“Yes I figured you would be.” She nodded, a smile on her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Thirdly? Everyone knows you’re not supposed to have threesomes with people you actually like!!!” I replied. She rose a brow.

“So then you can’t be offended I didn’t ask you.” She  smirked I shoved that aside.

“Not like that. I mean you have deeper feelings for Mason than just sex.”

“No I don’t.” I pursed my lips as I looked at her.

“Really? You’re going to straight out lie to my face right now?” she shrugged and I folded my arms over my chest. “So was it good? You weren’t jealous or awkward and things are totally normal between you two?”

"Yes, no, and yes." she replied flatly, though honestly I wasn’t sure what was true or not.

"I swear Scarlett, I'm going to slap that pretty face if you don't start being honest with me right now." I narrowed my eyes, feeling how messed up she was and wanting her to confide in me, even though I knew we didn’t really do serious very well.  

"I'm shaking."  She smirked at me as she propped her elbow on the table and leaned her chin against her fist. I sighed and leaned back against my chair, feeling defeated.

"Scar, come on. Let it out. I'm the only one you can talk to about it."

"I don't know what to say." She said weakly.

"The truth? How you feel?" I suggested.

 "Who are you, my shrink now?” she was teasing but I just glared at her.

"Fine." She took a deep breath. "It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. I mean, Mase was as amazing as always..."

 "Just there was a person too much?" I asked, trying to read her face as she spoke, being patient because apparently this was super hard for her.  

"It was like I was forced to pay attention to her too. No one forced me to agree to have that damn threesome, I genuinely thought it'd be more fun, more sexy. It was so weird instead and when we were done I could barely look at Mase." I gave her a significant look as I leaned closer to her from across the table,

"But you don't like him. At all."

"I already told you last time I saw you that I do." She spat, at me, harshly and I would have taken offense if I didn’t know that she was already on edge. She was scared. Hell I would be if I were here. Falling for Mason? I took a deep breath.

“It doesn't change anything though, you were right Brooke, he's not the kind of guy for me. I mean, I met him because my boobs were on his site." she added, seeming all in her head as I watched her.

“So dump him.” I said, taking a big bite and knowing she liked him too much to break off whatever it was they had.

“I'm not with him I can’t dump him.” She rolled her eyes and I shrugged before licking my lips free of whipped cream.

“It wasn’t hot at all?” I asked raising my brow at her. She shrugged.

“Mason was hot.” I nodded.

“Was the girl?” I asked, raising a brow and Scar smirked at me.

“You’re much hotter.” She replied, giving me the answer I was looking for. I nodded.

“I figured as much.” I grinned and shook my head. “What a waste.” Scar blinked at me.

“A waste?”

“That your first threesome wasn’t hot as hell.” I replied with a grin. “That’s what you get for not choosing me.” I replied and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine, next it will be us and Nick.” She replied with a wicked grin on her face. I shook my head.

“No way. I like him I'm not sharing.” I said seriously. “You shouldn’t have shared Mason!” she bit her lip.

“I didn’t really….” She replied.

“What do you mean you didn’t really?” I asked.

“It was more like Mason shared me….” I just stared at her for a second.

“You’re going to have to elaborate on that for me Scar.”

"What do you want me to say? Do you want to know the details? The positions we were in?" I winced.  

"No thanks." I shook my head quickly, widening my eyes, "But you can't keep dropping bombs and then just leave them at that." Scar pursed her lips together.

“I don't know Brooke it's kind of a blur." I blinked and widened my eyes as a thought came to my mind.

"Oh my god were you drunk?!" I asked, worried she’d been tricked into it and if she was I’d kill Mase.

"No! Borderline tipsy, I can hold my liquor!" she protested, rolling her eyes. "It's just...there are moments when I think about it that it doesn't even seem real, like it never happened."

 "I see a but coming." I replied, reading her mind again.

"But then I see Mase and the image of that girl pops out in my head..."she trailed off, and made a face.

"And you remember how much you hated seeing him with her." I tried to finish her sentence and Scar bit down on her lip, a serious expression showing on her pretty face,

"Actually, I don't even think they kissed."

"You don't THINK?!" What the hell kind of a threesome was that? I mean I’d never had one but I was pretty sure of the idea.

"I wouldn't put my hand on it, when we were done I was so upset I almost ran away." she sighed, slumping further on the chair, "And while we were fucking all I could think about was how I didn't want her to kiss him or touch him so I was always a step ahead of her. God that's fucked up."  She crossed her arms against the table, hiding her face against her forearms. I sighed and she peeked her eye out at me.

“I can feel you judging me Brooke!” I shook my head.

“I'm not judging you! I just….”

“What Brooke? Say it!” I licked my lips and ran my hands through my hair.

“I think you’re falling in love with Mason.” Scar sat up quickly and blinked at me before breaking into a large smile.

“That’s very funny Brooke.” She replied but I didn’t laugh back. I was serious.

“Is it?” I asked slowly and now it was her turn to run her fingers through her hair.

“You’re making it sound like it’s more dramatic. I think it’s you who’s falling in love instead.” This time I blushed, feeling my whole body go warm.

“It’s not a bad thing.” I replied and Scar widened her eyes and shook her head at me.

“You haven’t even been together for that long…” she trailed off.

“I didn’t say I was in love. I'm just admitting to feeling myself start falling is all. You’re the one in denial.”

“I just…I don’t want to see you get hurt Brooke.” Scar said with a pained look on her face.

“This isn’t like how it was with Nolan.” She studied me, seeing if she could detect anything on my face and I'm sure she could, she could read me like a book.

"I can see that." she said eventually, offering a smile, giving me the permission to let out the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

"Nick is just..." I trailed off, not even having the words. "So amazing Scar."

"He looks like that." She smirked and I bit down on my lip.

"He looks like a god." I said seriously, flashing back to having his hard body beneath me, above me….ugh.

"You should see how you look instead." I blinked my eyes at her,

"Do I have ice cream on my face?" I asked, reaching for a napkin.

 "No cutie, I meant that you're glowing." She explained quietly.

“ Sex is good for your skin." I shrugged, joking as I tried to keep a straight face.

"You mean love." she smirked back at me, "Because I still have sex but my skin is always the same."

“First of all? I'm not in love. I'm just not against maybe being in love later.” I started. “And secondly? You’ve been glowing since day one with Mason and don’t even try to deny it.”

“He’s coming to my recital.” She said offhandedly making me grin and grab her hands.

“Well if that doesn’t make him fall for you what will?” I teased, looking at our sundae and pouting. “We finished it!”

“You mean you did. I hardly ate any!” she teased back and I made a guilty face before lighting up at my thought.

“I should have a threesome, burn some calories.” I tried not to bust out laughing as I said it but Scar just tossed a napkin at me.

“So funny.” She rolled her eyes and I laughed before tossing it back at her.

“Don’t you so funny me, next time make sure to do it with the franco brothers” Scar perked up.

“Are they in the market for threesomes?” she asked in a fake serious tone. I bit my lip.

“I hope so.” I smirked and she rose a brow at me.

“You’re supposed to be in love not fantasizing about threesomes!” she mock scolded me and I shrugged.

“I'm not in love. And I can fantasize about two Nicks all day long….” I trailed off slowly, my mind wandering to two pairs of big hands, two of his mouths…..”On second thought that might actually kill me.”

"Okay, enough." She rolled her eyes, even if she was still grinning, "Please don't become the kind of girl who all she can talk about is her boyfriend and how much she loves him and how hot he is and how long his penis is-"

 "Scar!"I cut her off as I laughed, "How come everything you say ends with something sexual?"

"Not everything." she paused and shrugged, “It must be because I'm frustrated."

"Says the girl who just had a threesome." I pointed out, crossing my arms across my chest.

"If you're trying to impress me it's not working."

"Not interested, I wanted your virginity." I pouted and waved my hand in the air, faking an upset look and making her laugh.

“I missed seeing you like this." she said quietly. I bit down on my lip and stared at her.

 "I miss you seeing you like this." She said seriously and I felt my chest all warm, I missed myself like this.

“ I don't think I've ever been in your state."

"My state?! It's not a disease Scar." I protested, furrowing my brows. She kept quiet a few moments, staring at the sky.

"It's just sex for him, I can feel it." she broke the silence, her voice not even sounding like her own, it was breathy and low. "When the girl made it clear what her intentions were I could tell into his eyes that he wanted it too, I was okay with it but mostly I didn't want him to leave alone with her."

"Do you regret it Scar?" I asked slowly, knowing I was asking the question that she wouldn’t ask herself.

"I do." She nodded and parted her lips before she spoke. “But not for the threesome itself, more because it made me realize how much I like Mase. And I know he likes me too, only I don't think he does as much and he doesn't do relationships anyways and I don't even want one and I know that he's not right for me like that, I mean, think about how we met and why-"

 "Cutie." I cut her off and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, "You're freaking out.".

"Maybe you should slap me to make me calm down."

“How about I say something else?” she rose a brow.

“Like what?”

“Like how I’ve known Mason for forever and he doesn’t do relationships not because he doesn’t want one, but because he always dates girls who are no risk to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well his idiot of an ex cheated on him, so he decided if you don’t stay with someone long enough they can’t hurt you. Sleeping with you at all was out of character for him Scar. You’re girlfriend material!”

“Says you only.” She replied rolling her eyes.

“Have I mentioned how big Nick’s penis is?” I asked, leaning forward and smirking, saying it just to annoy her but she rose a brow.

“I know you’re trying to make a point but I admit I'm a little curious.” I bust out laughing and shook my head.

“I love you you silly girl you know that right?”

“Yes, its super obvious since you’ve been trying to sleep with me this whole conversation.” She replied, silly once again. I sighed and shrugged.

“What can I say? You know what I like.” I winked at her.  “I need new boots.” I said grabbing my purse and looking at a store window across from our table.

“It’s summer.” I shrugged.

“I can wear boots with shorts. Or with nothing.” I smirked at the thought and Scar rose a brow with me.

“Now who’s adding something dirty to the end of each sentence?”

“Me.” I grinned. “And I like it.”