got to be true to myself

got to be true to myself by ssaarah 

“Chloe?” I stopped my lunges and looked up to see Tristan looking at me funny.

“Yes?” I replied, wiping the sweat from my forehead and smiling at him.

“You look. Different.” I laughed.

“Yeah I'm at the gym genius.” I replied. “Why are you at my gym anyways? Do you miss my brother that much already?” I teased him and he narrowed his eyes.

“Why is it that you wear the tightest smallest dresses in public but here you wear that?” I looked down at my baggy tank and shorts and shrugged.

“I'm at the gym, who cares what I look like?” just then a girl walked by us in a tight sports bra and leggings that could have been painted on her. Point made. I made a face as Tristan watched her ass and then looked back at me. “If you want to go after her you can, do you have an application with you?” He blinked at me.

“An application?”

“Yeah to be a part of your harem.” I bit my lip to keep from laughing at him and even his lips quirked upwards as he folded his arms over his chest. Damn his arms were nice…..

“Very funny.” He replied as I repined the hair back that had fallen out of the bun on the top of my head.

“I'm super funny.” I winked back at him. “So what are you doing here. This isn’t your gym is it?”

"Is that some sort of insult?" he grinned and looked around the gym which was made up of mostly people from the agency.  "I know that I'm no model, but I don't think I'm too bad looking."

"Oh please, you make most of the guys here look amateur," I replied, making his eyes flash back to mine and my face feel…hot. For some reason.  I crossed my arms over my chest and cleared my throat when he said nothing, only raising a brow. "So you never answered my question..."

"This is my gym," he replied, surprising me because I hadn’t seen him here before.  

"Oh," I licked my lips. "I've never seen you here."

"I come early," he shrugged. "Five am usually.” Well that explained it. No way I’d be out at five am, unless I hadn’t been to bed yet.

"What?! Don't tell me that you go to bed at nine pm too."

"Ten usually," he replied quickly making me think he was serious. Wow.  “What?"

"I haven't gone to bed at ten since I was... I don't know, in middle school?" I laughed softly, biting my lip again to try and stop me from laughing more. He just shrugged.

"I'm a morning person."

"And what about nights?" I lifted a brow, tilting my head to the side.

"I don't live the way you do. I wake up early, work out, go to work, then come home and relax," ….the way I did? What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“I get up early too, but I don’t go to bed at ten.” I said seriously.  “Why bother at the gym if all you’re going to do is work and sleep? Doesn’t sound like there’s enough time to appreciate the hard work.” I grinned and he shrugged. “Okay different tactic.” I tried again, still desperate for him to like me for some reason. Not sexually, at least not anymore, but my brother was obsessed with him there had to be a reason. Ben was annoying but he was a great judge of character. “Why are you here now?”

“Do you ask everyone their daily schedules or just me?” he retorted quickly. I took a step closer to him.

“Want to get some lunch?” he blinked.

“Why would I want that?” I shrugged.

“I'm sure I could list plenty of reasons. Because I'm pretty and would look good next to you for starters, plus that gives you something nice to look at for a few more minutes, because I know of a little hole in the wall that makes the best croissants you’ve ever had, because you worked out at a different time and so now you’re thinking about rebelling in other parts of your schedule…” I was about to go on when he rolled his eyes. “Because it would be nice.” I said finally.

“I'm not nice.” Tristan replied. I nodded.

“People aren’t just nice or not nice. You can choose right now to be nice and get some lunch and get to know me as more than Ben’s annoying dramatic, attention starved little sister so we can work together better, or you can choose to keep being a standoffish borderline rude guy I have to see at work sometimes.”

"Your opinion on me isn't a very good one."

"Right back at you handsome," I retorted.

"Touche," Tristan grinned wider. "Lunch sounds great actually." I gave him a long look to see if there was a hidden agenda in his eyes but he looked genuine.

“What's the catch? If you're risking being seen with me, there has to be some sort of catch."

"No catch," he shook his head and then made a point of letting his eyes wander down to my work out clothes.

"Don't worry, I plan on changing," I replied with a dramatic sigh.

"You can wear whatever you want," he said seriously. "I'll wait for you in the lobby."

"I'll be just a minute," I nodded, thinking about commenting on his own choice of attire but thinking better of it. I grabbed my stuff from the locker room and slipped into the clothes I’d worn here, taking a glance in the mirror and fixing my hair into a sleek pony before walking back out with my bag, watching a busty girl lean into Tristan as if she was about to give him a lap dance. Must be hard being him. To his credit though as soon as he saw me he pulled away.

"Ready?"

“Unless you’ve changed your mind.” I replied, looking at the girl who was clearly three seconds away from stripping in front of him.

“Nope. Let’s go. See you later.” He threw the girl a charming smile I’d rarely seen and then walked with me. “Nice outfit.” He was smirking and I looked down at my skinny jeans and tank top. It wasn’t glamorous by any means but it was better than the sweats I was in before.

“Ha hah.” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

“I was being serious.” I glanced at him and he looked like he was being honest as he led me into a café across the street.

“If you’d wanted to be with that busty girl I wouldn’t have been offended.” I told him as I sat down across from him and we ordered drinks from the waiter. He shook his head.

“Nah, she’s one of those girls who can’t take a hint.” He grinned and I shook my head at him.

‘Like me you mean?” I offered, knowing I’d come on way too strong for him, or maybe I just wasn’t’ his type at all, either way it hadn’t worked. It still frustrated me I’d admit, I wasn’t used to men turning me down.

“Not exactly.” He was giving me that same charming smile and I had to admit I wouldn’t want to give up on that either. If I was in the market that was. Which I wasn’t really. I think.

“Yeah I was worse.” I admitted with a shrug. “But you can’t blame a girl for trying can you?” I looked down at the menu, deciding on the soup and sandwich of the day before glancing back up at him.

“Why did you?” he asked, looking at me with a studying expression.

“Why did I what?” I asked back.

“You clearly don’t like me much as a person, we don’t really get along, why did you try so hard?” I blinked, feeling kind of alike a loser for a second. Not like what he’d said was meaning to be an insult just that he’d turned me down so many times it had been a little bit of a blow to my ego. Which I guess was called for.

“Some people say I want what I can’t have?” I shrugged. “Plus you’re really hot.” I added because well, it was true.

"Thank you." Wow he took a compliment from me. Still I thought it was fun to mess with him so I pouted and waited for him to notice.

"What, no compliment back?"

"You already know you're hot," he replied in an almost bored tone. I grinned and propped both elbows up on the table, setting my chin in my palms,

"Do you think I'm hot? And stop making that face!"

"What face?" he lifted a brow curiously.

"You look like it's paining you to admit I'm hot!" I said, feeling myself smirking as he actually grinned.

"It's not paining me. Do you really think that low of me?"

"Oh lighten up a little!" I sighed before biting my lip out of habit. "You're much more handsome when you're smiling."

"If I didn't know you had a boyfriend, I'd think you were flirting with me," Tristan leaned back in his seat as the waitress set our drinks down, asking if we were ready to order. I gave her my order before Tristan surprised me by ordering almost exactly the same thing and she walked away.

"About that..." I trailed off. “Have you ever thought about trying a new career path?"

"I know you think I'm handsome, but I'm not interested in modeling,"  he grinned. First all the smiles and now a joke?! Lucky me.

“Was that a joke?! I didn't know you had it in you... but no. I meant PR." he laughed and shook his head,

"I have no interest in PR."

"Too bad. You'd be good at it,"

"Are you telling me that I'm not good at my current job?"

“No I'm saying you’re too good at it.” I replied. “I didn’t know it was in a casting directors job description to know more about his clients sex lives than their best friends.” He laughed and I rose a brow. “Or is that just with me?” He shrugged.

“I keep tabs on my models. I want to know what they’re up to so that they’re sure to-“

‘Make a good impression.” I finished for him. “Yes I remember you not hiring me for years.” He made a face.

“You have to admit you were a bit of a hot mess at one point.” I sighed.

“But at least I was hot.” I offered and he laughed again. “What made you change your mind? Besides the fact that I am actually a kick as.s model.” I added.

“I believe in second chances. The cover you did was perfect.” I nodded.

“It was really lovely.” I said honestly. “You casted it well. Tell me do you know who Amalie’s sleeping with too?” I asked about the model I had shot with and he gave me a slow smirk. “Is it you?” I grinned. “Did she pass the harem application?!” he shook his head.

“Actually she asked me for your number.” He replied and I widened my eyes, a little taken aback.

“Huh. She never called me.” I pointed out and Tristan shot me a face.

“I told her you were straight.” He stated, raising a brow. “You are straight last time I checked.” I gave him an innocent face and tilted my head to the side.

“You’ve never asked though have you?” he shook his head.

“No I guess I haven’t. Are you?” I shook my head.

“I'm don’t think relationships should be boxed in by gender.” I said seriously. I waited for him to ask the details of that, he was a man after all but instead he just gave me another slow smirk, studying me.

“Well I’d apologize for ruining your chances but it doesn’t really matter anymore now that you have a boyfriend.” I nodded.

“True.” I took a bite of my soup. “Though can you call a guy your boyfriend if you’ve never really discussed it and sometimes you go weeks without hearing from him?”

“You two are both busy people," he started, which was true. "Plus do people even discuss that sort of thing nowadays? It all sounds so juvenile."

“Did you date a lot in high school?" I asked after a few moments of silence.

"Honestly?" he shook his head slowly, "No. Didn't have time for it."

"So you were one of those guys who slept with the whole cheerleading squad and brought the homecoming queen home after prom?" I asked, it was Australian’s who had the prom and all the queens and kings right? Or maybe that was Americans….

"Not at all," he replied. "I went to an all boys school. My dad had me on the right track to be a lawyer since I was five. Tutoring, AP courses, there wasn't time for fucking around in my house." Huh. That actually explained a lot.

"All boys school huh? Hot." I took a bite of my soup as he shook his head.

"It wasn't like how they portray all boys schools in movies. It was really strict."

"Did you like it?"

"Hated it," I admitted.

“Is that why you have multiple girls now?” I smirked. “To make up for extreme sexual tension caused in your youth?” Tristan laughed.

“Maybe.” He replied, though I could tell her was just giving me what I wanted to hear. Shocking really considering how blunt he usually was.

“You don’t have a favorite?” He shrugged.

“They’re too different to compare.” I sighed.

“Why can you get away with that shi.t and when I have a few one night stands I'm labeled the slu.t heiress?”  Tristan looked me over and then leaned in.

“Well firstly I'm not an heiress, so no one cares what I do.” He started off.

“I didn’t choose to be who I am.” I rolled my eyes.

“I didn’t say you did. Secondly, it’s always how it is with girls. It’s not right, but that’s how it is.” I sighed.

“If I ask you a question will you answer it honestly?” he blinked.

“Depends on the question.” I nodded.

“I have two.” I started. “Do you believe in true love?” Tristan ran his hands through his hair and then looked at me.

“I do.” He said finally, gave him a genuine smile before it turned a little mischievous.

“If I wasn’t Chloe Lindsell and just another normal girl on the street would I have had a chance with you?” His eyes widened.

“Why does it matter?” he asked after a few moments.

“I'm a masochist and my wounded ego hasn’t had enough bashing yet.” I replied smartly, trying to smirk though it was partly true.

"I don't date," he replied, taking the easy way out.

"I recall you bringing a gorgeous yet frigid redhead to a certain party..." I trailed off with a brow lifted, calling him out since dating and having relationships were different.

"And Evie seemed to think you guys were more than fuck buddies." Tristan winced a little.

"I hate that term."

"So you stay and cuddle afterwards?" I grinned, leaning into the table.

"I don't mind cuddling," he answered and I faked a shocked face. "Your opinion on me is pretty bad, huh?"

"I think you're... Well, I don't know. I've seen you with Evie, this charming version of you appeared... then I open my mouth and poof! It's gone."

"I take my job very serious."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Models hitting on me? The bosses daughter especially? It kind of puts me on edge,"

"Are you trying to tell me you're an as.shole to every single model that has ever hit on you? I'm not buying it."

"Maybe most models don't find me attractive,"

“I know this is going to sound like I'm hitting on you again but there’s no way.” I said seriously. Tristan blinked.

“I'm not everyone’s type.” He replied, though he was still smirking at me as he said it.

“I’ll give you that, maybe you wouldn’t be someone’s first choice but no straight woman in their right mind would kick you out of bed.” I ran my tongue over my lips. “Unless you were being super grumpy.” I added, not being able to help myself.

“I thought you said I was always super grumpy” he grinned and I shrugged as I ate my salad the waitress had brought over.

“You’re actually pretty pleasant right now.” I told him, giving him a genuine smile that he returned and I had to admit, my stomach did a weird flippy thing.

“I'm trying really hard.” he said in a low voice as I laughed.

“Don’t stress out over it or anything. It is only me.” His phone chose that moment to start ringing and he pulled it out, pressing a button on the side and then sliding it back into his pocket.  I gave him another wide look. “And now you’re even ignoring calls for me…what did I do to deserve such cute treatment.” He shook his head.

“Maybe I just didn’t want to answer it.” He offered and I pouted.

“So that would mean it wasn’t a harem girl and it wasn’t my brother.” I smirked. “So it was family or work. I'm flattered you’d ignore either for the “bosses daughter that puts you on edge.”

"It was my mom actually," he said, surprising me by opening up. "Nobody puts me more on edge than that woman."

"Are you two not close?"

"She's my mom," he shrugged as if that explained everything….or maybe he just didn’t have the right words. "She was supposed to come visit for mothers day but had a last minute gala to go to."

"Oh," I nodded my head. "Did she reschedule?"

"Next week," he answered, showing no emotion at all. He was good at that, but I understood having your parents around all the time and I got along with mine. I frowned a little,

"Your dad isn't coming?"

"We're not close," he admitted, looking for my reaction. I was pretty famously a daddy’s girl, although I thought I was just as close to my mother. I was lucky, but that didn’t mean I didn’t understand. "Do you need a refill?"

"I'm sorry." I told him, ignoring his question.

"For what?" He asked with a brow raised. I pulled my hair up.

"Family can be tough." I replied seriously.

"Says the girl with the perfect family" I smiled sweetly.

"I am lucky, but it's not always easy. I'm pretty much crazy, I have a dad who still thinks of me as his baby princess, a mom who's kind of a snoop and a brother who calls me awful." Tristan laughed.

"But you're close. They don't think you're a major f.uck up." I blinked.

"Major ful.ck up? You're super successful and famous in your field. What else could a family ask for?"

"A partnership in a major law firm?" He asked with an edge to his voice.

"Oh" I gave him a look and grabbed his hand, squeezing it without thinking. "I know my opinion doesn't matter really but I think they're stupid if they can't see how successful you are. If you're happy? They should be happy for you." Tristan smirked.

“How do you know if I'm happy?" I grinned back at him.

"Good job, good friends, hot girls, what are you missing?"

"Good point" he nodded and I pulled my hand back when I realized I was still holding his lightly.

"I'm not as bad as you thought am I?" I winked and he chuckled lightly. He had a nice laugh.

"When you're not trying to get into my pants" he teased and it was my turn to laugh.

"You missed out, I'm very good" I smirked, biting my lip.

"So I've heard," he replied, making me wonder if that was a compliment or an insult and who exactly he had been talking to. Just then his phone must have started ringing because he pulled it out. I caught a glimpse of my brothers face before he pressed the ignore button again and slid it back into his pocket.

"Ignoring my brothers calls now? I feel special now," I said and when he tilted his head back up, leaning into him and trying to ignore how good he smelled but god I was only human.  

"I'll call him back later," he replied. "I never answer while I'm eating. Common courtesy."

"Such a gentleman." I said, knowing it was a lie and he just didn’t want Ben to know he was with me at all.  He didn’t even want us to be friends which was ridiculous.

"How is everything? Could I get you a refill?" The waitress appeared beside us, already grabbing Tristan’s glass but when she looked towards me I shook my head.

"I'm fine, thanks," She turned back to him and gave him an obvious smile. Is that how I looked when I hit on men? It was a little ridiculous.

“Do you ever go somewhere and not get hit on?" I asked when she walked away.

"She wasn't hitting on me."

 "For someone so damn cocky, you're kind of modest."

“It's either one or the other. I can't be both." He laughed.

“That’s a silly attitude to have. You can be anything you want to be.” I tried not to laugh at how silly I was being but Tristan did it for me.
 
“I know I said I wasn’t close to my mother but that doesn’t mean I was asking you to be one.” I gave him a wide grin and bit my lip as I shrugged.
 
“I guess my mother’s optimism rubs off on me more than I thought.” I replied, setting a chip in my mouth and thinking about it as I chewed. “She said she wasn’t always that way though. I think I would have liked to see a pessimistic Ava Lindsell.” Tristan gave me a half grin as he watched me for a second.
 
“Something tells me the pessimist was Ava Alere.” He replied and I smiled widely.
 
“I guess that’s probably true.” I nodded and then rolled my eyes. “There’s another thing wrong with my family. Unrealistic expectations of love.”
 
“You don’t think you’ll find love?” he asked and I ran my hand through my hair. I wasn’t sure what it was. I mean I knew what it looked like. With mom and dad and definitely with my brother and Cami. But I’d never felt it.
 
“I don’t know if I’d recognize it even if it hit me in the face.” I admitted seriously.
 
“And here I thought your boyfriend was a lucky man.” He said offhandedly and I rose a brow at that statement but ignored it.
 
“You can’t say anything about my feelings of love when you wont even try.” I teased, smiling to let him know I was and not being mean or rude which for some reason usually I sounded when I was talking to him. Spoiled, bit.chy and desperate. No wonder he didn’t like me.

"The thing about me is that I'm not looking for love... if it happens, then it happens."

"And you think I'm looking?" He parted his lips as he thought about it, taking a bite of his food as if it was a hard thing to process. He swallowed and then took a sip of water before clearing his throat.

"I do actually. But when you find it? I think you're going to freak out and ditch the guy the first chance you get."

"What?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Why would you say that?"

“Just a prediction,"

“That would be sad.” I said frowning at the thought.

“Are you pouting?” he asked and I looked up to find his eyes at my mouth, making me bite my lip.

“You have pretty low opinions of me.” I said quietly. “I'm not sure what I’ve done to deserve them.” He blinked.

“I think you’re a good person Chloe.”

“Well most people are good people, that’s not super comforting.” I said, forcing a small smile before taking a sip of my water.

“We have different opinions on that one.” I looked hard into his stunning eyes and took a deep breath.

“Well at least it’s something.” I said shrugging.

“I like this version of you better than the one you show the rest of the world.” He said it so fast I barely understood.

“What do you mean?” he reached out and pushed a stray hair out of my eyes before he spoke.

“Look at you, dressed down, no makeup, you’re a lot more real this way. It’s a good look on you.” I felt my face actually flush and I tried to stop it because I wasn’t big on blushing.

“I’ll remember that.” I said softly my own eyes falling on his lips. What was it about him that made me a little…tingly all over? I used to think I just wanted him but I didn’t want him now…right?

"Blushing looks good on you also," he added with the smirk he’d been trying to hold back. I let out a soft lap and leaned into the table.

"Can I get you two anything else?" A voice interrupted and I looked up at the waitress, Tristan shook his head and I declined too. "Here's your check when you're ready."

"Thank you," he said and watched her as she walked away from the table, ass swaying more than it should.

"So that's your type?" He turned back to me.

"Come again?"

"Brunette and busty? Then again, you also have a thing for redheads..."

"I guess it's safe to say that I don't have a type," he winked before grinning at me again.

“I was brunette once.” I smiled back and he blinked.

“I think blonde suits you.” I nodded.

“I think so too. And you’d stare at any girls ass that was playing you like that.” Tristan turned back to me.

“Playing me?” I nodded towards the waitress.

“She’s waiting to see if you’re going to touch me or kiss me before we leave so she can figure out if we’re a couple and decide whether or not she can hit on you.” Tristan made a face, making a side glance at her and then back to me.

“No.” he shook his head. “I can tell when a woman’s interested.” I shrugged.

“Then maybe she’s into me.” I winked at him before leaning in. “When did you realize I was interested?” I asked, genuinely curious as to his ability to read women, or my acting skills, either one.

“About the time you started inserted sexual innuendos into every sentence?” he replied, his tone trying to sound annoyed but I could tell he was holding back a grin. Damn I never could read what HE was thinking .He was a mystery to me. Plain and simple.

“Then your radar is off.” I replied, grabbing the check and placing my card inside. “I wanted to go home with you the first time I met you. Until you opened your mouth and I realized you were kind of a jerk.”

“Oh and then you were put off?” I shook my head.

“Nope. Even more turned on. Thank god I have better taste now.” I grinned.