but I still don't know why, why our love is so much

but I still don't know why, why our love is so much by sassy

 Brooke pushed her bag up onto her shoulder as she walked through the mall with me. Neither of us had had a lot of free time lately so when the day came that neither of us had anything planned? We scooped up the opportunity for a girls day. Since our big fight we hadn’t really hung out and I was glad to say yes, I needed time with her.
“Why are you wearing a scarf?” I asked. “It’s 30 billion degrees out.”
She looked down and shrugged. “It’s lightweight and cute?”
I rose a brow at her, not buying it. “It would be more lightweight without it.” I pointed out and she blushed, making me break into a grin before yanking at her scarf.

“Hey!”
I started laughing. “Oh my god you have a hickey! How old are you?!”
She glared at me and grabbed her scarf back, wrapping it loosely back around her neck. “Worth it!” She replied seriously.
“I should hope so. Has Nick asked you to the prom too?”
She rolled her eyes but she was in too good a mood to be brought down by my teasing. It had to be my lucky day. “If he would? I’d say yes.” She grinned. “What about you?”
“I'm in my twenties, I'm too old for the prom.” I replied with a grin.
“Ha ha. Not what I meant.”
"What do you mean then? I don't get it!" I widened my eyes at her before breaking into a grin and looking in front of me.
She elbowed me lightly as we walked and I could feel her eyes on me, "Tell me what I missed our during these last weeks." She pushed on.
I glanced at her quickly, my grin still in place because yes I knew that at some point we'd talk about Mase, but not now. Now it was my turn to tease her. "Not your pill I hope."
"Scar!" She protested again and blushed, only amusing me more.
"The word's not ready for a baby Brooke. One is more than enough." I said seriously then broke into a chuckle when she rolled her eyes.
She sighed and her lips curved into a smile again, her mood so good that it was almost annoying. Almost because I was genuinely happy for her. "I'll wait for you, I'll have a girl and you'll have a boy and they'll get married." She grinned as she looped her arm around mine.
"Why do I get the boy? Boys suck." I said flatly. Truth was, most of kids had a phase when they were just impossible to handle, but boys? Sometimes that phase lasted a whole life.
She giggled like a school girl and shook her head, "Girls do. Usually."
"Uh dirty Brooke, I like it." I wriggled my brows in a suggestive way before we both broke into a laugh. I couldn't remember the last time we had been so silly together and I was genuinely grateful to have her for a few hours, I could finally relax and stop obsessing over my neighbor and the little menage a trois we had had.
“I like it too.” She agreed as we passed the food court and if I heard it right? Her stomach growled.
“Hungry?”
She shrugged. “Apparently! But I'm not eating fast food.” She scrunched up her face.
I smirked before I nudged her. “Oh come on be bad.” I winked and she laughed as she shook her head.
“Fine, but ice cream only.” She gave in and we got a big sundae to share, we sat across from each other and ate it slowly. I felt as if she was studying me but I ignored that, waiting for her talk. “You’re not mad at me anymore are you?” She asked eventually.
I shook my head. “No.” I replied seriously. We had said pretty ugly things, but I had forgotten them already since our friendship was too important for me.
“You were right about me. Those things you said. I was afraid to get hurt again, afraid that no one would want me the way I thought Nolan had wanted me. Hell I'm still afraid. But it’s worth it to jump all in and take the risk sometimes right?”
I gave her a sweet smile. “Brooke I haven’t seen you this happy and cute since…ever.” I replied, smirking. “Nick must really know what he’s doing.”
A blush covered her cheeks as she grinned back at me. “Don’t distract me I'm trying to apologize!” She replied, chucking a napkin at me.
I shook my head. “We both said things we didn’t mean. I forgive you.” I nodded.
“You seem a little off anyways. You even let me eat the cherry without fighting for it.” She joked, adding silliness since apparently we couldn’t ever handle being serious for too long.
"I feel generous today." I grinned at her and shrugged. I knew the look on her face though, she was studying me and, unfortunately or fortunately, I was an open book for her.
"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes, not buying it for even a little.
"How's the sex?" I asked instead in an attempt to distract her, bringing another spoonful of ice cream to my mouth and sucking it slowly.
She broke into a silly giggle while I mentally exulted since my plan was working already. "You look almost obscene when you do that."
"I do what?" I asked innocently, repeating the motion and moaning a little too this time.
She shook her head and grinned at me, "Don't act all innocent with me, I know you better than that."
I cocked my head to the side, blinking my eyes, "Do you? How? We never slept together."
At that she laughed again, a laugh that came from the heart and it made me feel all warm since it was so nice seeing her like this. "Just because you always say you'd never do a girl." She pointed out.
I swallowed but I tried to act casual even if my brain was already remembering the night I had spent with Mason and that Kristen. "You didn't answer my question." I retorted, wanting to change the subject.
"Hey, stop trying to make me talk dirty to you!" She teased, pointing her spoon at me, "I want to know about you!!"
"My show is in a few days and I'm so nervous." I sighed and that was true. Okay not super nervous but still.
"Tell me something I don't know." She retorted, rolling her eyes, "And not boring."
"I had a threesome with Mase." I said quickly, so quickly that it was hard to get my words but I was too nervous to tell her. I was afraid of how she'd judge me or even worse of what she could read into that. "So, are you and Nick officially together or what?"
“Woah.” Brooke said seriously. “Back it up and press pause.” She replied. “You had a threesome with Mase?”
“Yeah.”
She blinked at me. “Mase and who?” She asked.
I shrugged since it was really irrelevant. “Some girl.”
She shook her head as she tried to process this information. “Okay first of all? You’re not allowed to tell me groundbreaking news as if you’re talking about the weather. Secondly? I'm beyond offended that I'm not the first girl you chose to sleep with.” She replied, breaking into a grin as she tried not to laugh.
“Yes I figured you would be.” I nodded, forcing a smile.
“Thirdly? Everyone knows you’re not supposed to have threesomes with people you actually like!!!”
I rose a brow. “So then you can’t be offended I didn’t ask you.” I smirked, trying to make a joke out of it.
She shoved that aside. “Not like that. I mean you have deeper feelings for Mason than just sex.”
“No I don’t.” I said quickly.
She pursed her lips as she looked at me. “Really? You’re going to straight out lie to my face right now?” I shrugged and she folded her arms over her chest. “So was it good? You weren’t jealous or awkward and things are totally normal between you two?”
"Yes, no, and yes." I replied flatly, lying blatantly. If wasn't that I didn't trust my friend or I didn't want to talk to her...I didn't want to talk about it period. It was too complicated and it panicked me.
"I swear Scarlett, I'm going to slap that pretty face if you don't start being honest with me right now." She narrowed her eyes on me, trying to look threatening but she was too cute for that. And I knew she'd never really do anything to me, or to any other living being.
"I'm shaking." I smirked at her as I propped my elbow on the table and leaned my chin against my fist, looking at her.
She sighed and leaned back against her chair, looking defeated. "Scar, come on. Let it out. I'm the only one you can talk to about it."
I processed her words and bit my lip. She was right, but still...I was a stubborn girl. "I don't know what to say." I said weakly.
"The truth? How you feel?" She suggested.
"Who are you, my shrink now?" I grinned and she glared. "Fine." I gave up, my grin faltering, "It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. I mean, Mase was as amazing as always..."
"Just there was a person too much?" She tried in a soft voice, being patient with me like she was whenever she knew I needed that.
I shrugged, "It was like I was forced to pay attention to her too. No one forced me to agree to have that damn threesome, I genuinely thought it'd be more fun, more sexy. It was so weird instead and when we were done I could barely look at Mase."
She gave me a significant look as she leaned closer to me from across the table, "But you don't like him. At all."
"I already told you last time I saw you that I do." I spat, a little too harshly, and I regretted it immediatly. "It doesn't change anything though, you were right Brooke, he's not the kind of guy for me. I mean, I met him because my boobs were on his site." I added as I tried to joke, but it came out just sad instead. Truth was, I really liked Mason when it was just us. But when I thought about him as the owner of a site which was basically soft porn and him going around to make appearances to clubs with girls throwing themselves at him...he didn't even sound like the Mase I knew.
“So dump him.” Brooke said, taking a big bite.
“I'm not with him I can’t dump him.” I rolled my eyes since I couldn't find a single reason to let him go.
She shrugged before licking her lips free of whipped cream. “It wasn’t hot at all?” She asked raising her brow at me.
I shrugged. “Mason was hot.”
She nodded. “Was the girl?” She asked, raising a brow.
I smirked at her, wanting to distract her from the subject and knowing how to do it. “You’re much hotter.”
“I figured as much.” She grinned and shook her head. “What a waste.”
I blinked at her. “A waste?”
“That your first threesome wasn’t hot as hell.” She replied with a grin. “That’s what you get for not choosing me.”
“Fine, next it will be us and Nick.” I replied with a wicked grin on my face.
She shook her head. “No way. I like him I'm not sharing.” She said seriously. “You shouldn’t have shared Mason!”
I bit my lip, flashbacks going through my mind. “I didn’t really….”
“What do you mean you didn’t really?” She asked.
“It was more like Mason shared me….”
She just stared at me for a second. “You’re going to have to elaborate on that for me Scar.”
I shrugged, "What do you want me to say? Do you want to know the details? The positions we were in?" I asked in monotone, trying to keep my emotions out of this conversation.
"No thanks." She shook her head quickly, widening her eyes, "But you can't keep dropping bombs and then just leave them at that."
I pursed my lips together, trying hard to remember more about that night but the weird thing was that I could barely tell some things about the girl while I remembered everything about Mase. "I don't know Brooke it's kind of a blur." I said furrowing my brows.
"Oh my god were you drunk?!" She asked, already on her way of judgeland. Or worryland. Neither of those was good.
"No! Borderline tipsy, I can hold my liquor!" I protested, rolling my eyes since I was actually wiser when I was drunk. I didn't want to regret things, so when I drank too much? I did nothing, or tried to. "It's just...there are moments when I think about it that it doesn't even seem real, like it never happened."
"I see a but coming." She raised one eyebrow at me, knowing me a little too well.
"But then I see Mase and the image of that girl pops out in my head..." I trailed off, lost in my thoughts.
"And you remember how much you hated seeing him with her." She tried to finish my sentence.
I bit down on my lip, a serious expression on my face, "Actually, I don't even think they kissed."
"You don't THINK?!"
"I wouldn't put my hand on it, when we were done I was so upset I almost ran away." I sighed, slumping further on the chair, "And while we were fucking all I could think about was how I didn't want her to kiss him or touch him so I was always a step ahead of him. God that's fucked up." I sighed and crossed my arms against the table, hiding my face against my forearms. Brooke sighed and I peeked my eye out at her. “I can feel you judging me Brooke!”
She shook her head. “I'm not judging you! I just….”
“What Brooke? Say it!”
She licked her lips and ran her hands through her hair. “I think you’re falling in love with Mason.”
I sat up quickly and blinked at her before breaking into a large smile. Because that was ridiculous. “That’s very funny Brooke.” I replied but she didn’t laugh back.
She was serious. “Is it?” She asked slowly and now it was my turn to run my fingers through my hair. Love was something that scared me a little, even if I wanted it, but I doubt that it could happen to me, now, with Mase.
“You’re making it sound like it’s more dramatic. I think it’s you who’s falling in love instead.”
This time she blushed, “It’s not a bad thing.” She replied.
I widened my eyes and shook my head at her. “You haven’t even been together for that long…” I trailed off, reasoning out loud.
“I didn’t say I was in love. I'm just admitting to feeling myself start falling is all. You’re the one in denial.”
“I just…I don’t want to see you get hurt Brooke.” I said with a pained look on my face.
“This isn’t like how it was with Nolan.”
I studied the expression on her face, the way she smiled, how she was set on convincing me that this time she had found a guy who was good for her...I knew it was different, I could tell. "I can see that." I said eventually, offering a smile. After all, she seemed happy, and I didn't want to ruin her mood with being too worrying.
"Nick is just..." She trailed off, in a loss of words apparently, then sighed. "So amazing Scar."
"He looks like that." I smirked at her. I had seen the guy once, but the impression I had had of him had been a really good one. Plus, he was extremely good looking.
"He looks like a god." She went on as she made a dreamy expression I had never seen on her face before, unless she was talking about prince charming.
I let out a soft laugh as I stared at your friend, "You should see how you look instead."
She blinked her eyes at me, "Do I have ice cream on my face?" She asked, reaching for a napkin already.
"No cutie, I meant that you're glowing." I explained quietly, genuinely happy for her because she deserved a good guy in her life, mostly after that idiot of Nolan.
"Sex is good for your skin." She shrugged as she tried to keep a straight face, but failed and grinned instead.
"You mean love." I smirked back at her, "Because I still have sex but my skin is always the same."
“First of all? I'm not in love. I'm just not against maybe being in love later.” Brooke started. “And secondly? You’ve been glowing since day one with Mason and don’t even try to deny it.”
“He’s coming to my recital.” She said offhandedly, since she was going to find out anyway, and that made her grin and grab my hands.
“Well if that doesn’t make him fall for you what will?” She teased, looking at our sundae and pouting. “We finished it!”
“You mean you did. I hardly ate any!” I teased back and she made a guilty face before lighting up for some reason.
“I should have a threesome, burn some calories.” She tried not to bust out laughing as she said it.
I just tossed a napkin at her. What a comedian my best friend was. “So funny.” I rolled my eyes.
Shelaughed before tossing it back at me. “Don’t you so funny me, next time make sure to do it with the franco brothers.”
I perked up. “Are they in the market for threesomes?” I asked in a fake serious tone.
She bit her lip. “I hope so.” She smirked.
I rose a brow at her. “You’re supposed to be in love not fantasizing about threesomes!” I mock scolded her.
“I'm not in love. And I can fantasize about two Nicks all day long….” She trailed off slowly, making it obvious what she was thinking about.”On second thought that might actually kill me.”
"Okay, enough." I rolled my eyes, even if I was still grinning, "Please don't become the kind of girl who all she can talk about is her boyfriend and how much she loves him and how hot he is and how long his penis is-"
"Scar!" She cut me off before breaking into a fit of giggles, "How come everything you say ends with something sexual?"
I raised one eyebrow at her and shot her an amused look, "Not everything." I paused and shrugged, ready to be silly instead of serious. What was new. "It must be because I'm frustrated."
"Says the girl who just had a threesome." She shook her head, crossing her arms against her chest.
I glanced at her neckline, once again trying to avoid the subject, "If you're trying to impress me it's not working." I said, faking a straight face as I looked back at her face.
"Not interested, I wanted your virginity." She waved her hand in the air as she sighed, pretending to be bummed and pouting before bursting out laughing again.
I smiled at her as I watched her, realising that yes, my best friend was really on the way to fall in love. I had to admit that I was a little jealous but mostly? I was really happy got her. "I missed seeing you like this." I said quietly.
She bit down on her lip as she stared at me, "I miss you seeing you like this."
I shook my head, "I don't think I've ever been in your state."
"My state?! It's not a disease Scar." She protested, furrowing her brows.
I kept quiet a few moments, staring at nothing really as I thought about Mason. The thing was that I didn't even allow myself to think about him that often, I was too afraid to start fantasizing about things that wouldn't ever happen. "It's just sex for him, I can feel it." I broke the silence, my voice not even sounding like my own, but I went on, needing to say those words out loud, "When the girl made it clear what her intentions were I could tell into his eyes that he wanted it too, I was okay with it but mostly I didn't want him to leave alone with her."
She raised one eyebrow at me slowly, "Do you regret it Scar?" She asked me, her question a million dollars one.
"I do." I nodded and she parted her lips before she could speak, "But not for the threesome itself, more because it made me realize how much I like Mase. And I know he likes me too, only I don't think he does as much and he doesn't do relationships anyways and I don't even want one and I know that he's not right for me like that, I mean, think about how we met and why-"
"Cutie." She cut me off and I blinked at her, a sweet smile on her face, "You're freaking out."
I pursed my lips together as I stared at her. "Maybe you should slap me to make me calm down."
“How about I say something else?”
I rose a brow. “Like what?”
“Like how I’ve known Mason for forever and he doesn’t do relationships not because he doesn’t want one, but because he always dates girls who are no risk to him.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well his idiot of an ex cheated on him, so he decided if you don’t stay with someone long enough they can’t hurt you. Sleeping with you at all was out of character for him Scar. You’re girlfriend material!”
“Says you only.” I replied rolling my eyes. I believe what she said about Mase because she surely knew him better than I did but all the rest? She couldn't be onjective because she had stars in her eyes.
“Have I mentioned how big Nick’s penis is?” She asked, leaning forward and smirking. When did we change the subject? I didn't notice.
“I know you’re trying to make a point but I admit I'm a little curious.” I said, grateful that at least we were done talking about me.
She bust out laughing and shook her head. “I love you you silly girl you know that right?”
“Yes, its super obvious since you’ve been trying to sleep with me this whole conversation.” I replied, silly once again.
She sighed and shrugged. “What can I say? You know what I like.” She winked at me. “I need new boots.” She said as she changed subject once again, grabbing her purse and looking at a store window across from our table.
“It’s summer.” I pointed out since that didn't seem a good idea to me. It was hot as hell.
She shrugged. “I can wear boots with shorts. Or with nothing.” She smirked at the thought.
“Now who’s adding something dirty to the end of each sentence?”
“Me.” She grinned. “And I like it.”