When you’re around me, I’m radioactive

When you’re around me, I’m radioactive by nadiaa featuring a black racerback dress

"Are you nervous?" I grinned at Liam as we walked towards the Lindsell's house for Sunday dinner. It'd been a few months since we started dating and he asked if he could meet my family... I was a bit thrown off when he asked me... But agreed. Liam was the best boyfriend I had ever had. Period. He was mentally all there, mature, and had a stable job. I was nervous though... My family had never liked my boyfriends... I was hoping it'd be different this time. 

"A little bit." He told me honestly.

I stopped and turned to look at him, "We don't have to do this..." I trailed off, "I'm pretty good at coming up with excuses." I smiled.

He shook his head, "No, they're expecting us, but I am a little intimidated. I've heard some stories." He laughed.

"They're not bad, just really over protective... Especially my dad." I grinned, "But he's a big ole softie. Nothing to worry about." I leaned over and kissed him on the lips gently.

"I hope they like me…" He trailed off as we got to the front door.

I smiled, "Well you know Camille likes you. She's a really good judge of character… I have no doubt the rest of my family will."

I opened the front door and immediately heard tons of voices, which was nothing out of the norm. When the Schon's and Lindsell's got together, it always happened to be a party. Ava and my mother made sure of that.

I leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry." I squeezed his hand and pulled him forward to the kitchen, where I'm sure everybody was gathered.

My father had made some kind of joke that had everybody laughing as Cam was helping Gabe with something and then all eyes we're on Liam and I and everybody went silent.

My heart started beating as I gave everybody a smile, "Hey." I said awkwardly, "I guess I should get to the most important part… Everybody, this is Liam. My boyfriend." I said and I could swear I heard a pin drop,

"Hey there." Liam waved at everybody.

My mother smiled and stood up, holding out her arms for him, "I'm Mila's mother, call me Harper please. If I hear Mrs. Schon, I might faint." She winked at him, pulling him into a hug.

"It's nice to meet you." He told her as she pulled away.

"And that over there, giving you a death look is Mila's father, Miles. He seems mean, but he's not." My mom laughed as my dad stood up and put out his hand.

"I'm Miles and I don't think I need to tell you, but if you hurt her, I'll hurt you." My dad said simply.

"Dad!" I interjected.

""it's okay Mila… I understand." Liam nodded at me, "I'll try Sir."

"You've done good Corey. Very nice renovations." I heard a familiar voice as I turned around and noticed Ames and Corey walking down the stairs.

"Who know's I might get bored with it and change it soon." Corey joked back at him and Ames and I's eyes locked onto each other and my breath went ragged. He hadn't been to Sunday dinner in a while; I assumed to avoid me so I thought I was safe bringing Liam.

"Hey Mila." Corey gave me a small smile as he greeted me. He looked as if he was pitying me... Ames must have told him about us and what happened.

"Hi Corey..." I said in a higher than normal octave. "Ames..." I breathed out unsure of what else to say.

Ames didn't look at me though, he stared down Liam instead, "And you are?" He said almost snapping.

"Liam." He gave Ames a nervous smile as he held his hand out.

He widened his eyes and took Liam's hand, "Are you? Good luck with that." He said simply and walked off with a nod.

I turned towards Liam, "Excuse me for a second." I said, walking off and following Ames, "You could be nice at least!" I spat out at him.

He turned to face me, "I don't think I could actually." He grunted out.

"I didn't think you'd be here…" I admitted, saying the only thing I could even think of.

He walked closer to me, "Are you just physically capable of being alone?"

"What?" I blinked back at him.

"You don't get it do you?!" He said staring me down.

"I'm not dating him to spite you." I told him furrowing my brows as I crossed my arms over my chest.

He walked closer to me, "You just want to hurt me, don't you?!" He yelled at me.

"Oh yes. I'm trying to move on to hurt you Ames. That's all I live to do." I glared back at him on the verge of tears, "You f.ucking called me easy Ames. You said that you couldn't look at me without seeing Callum on me! How f.ucking dare you tell me I'm doing this to spite you?"

"Then what else is this?" He told me.

"How about a guy I actually like? A guy I just didn't jump into bed with to get over you!!!" I yelled at him, "Liam is an amazing guy Ames. He's smart and successful, but in a good way! He's a doctor and he's sweet to me and treats me right… He would never call me easy and look at me as if I was a wh.ore, which is apparently all you can do."

"What this looks like to me is trying to find a rebound." He spat at me, changing the subject.

"And you are cruel and so narcissistic." I took a deep breath, "He's a great guy. I'm trying to move on from someone I loved!" I screamed back at him.

"You didn't love me." He crossed his arms over his chest, "You wouldn't be so eager to find another guy if you did."

"I agree that jumping into bed with Callum was a sh.itty way of showing that… but what Liam and I have is different. You told me that we were over, that there was no chance of us. That's a pretty clear sign to tell me to move on." I licked my dry lips, "I can't let you do this to me. I won't Ames. If you hate me, that's fine. I tried though, for f.ucks sakes, I tried." I turned around and walked back towards everybody, trying to regain my composure. This was not what I wanted Liam to see.

"Is that what you think?" He asked me as I folded my arms over my chest, but he just shook his head.

"It's what you're showing me!!" I yelled back at him.

"Well, let's get it straight. I don't look at you like I think you're a who.re." He said, flinching as he said it, "When I look at you, I think you're beautiful." He said stepping closer to me, "And I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

"Ames…" I trailed off.

"I'm glad you found a guy who treats you right Mila… though I'm not sure I trust that he does." He said, struggling with his words, "Your taste in men sucks." He gave me a small smirk.

I rolled my eyes, "I liked you." I teased him, "Besides, Cami set me up with Liam so blame her if he turns out to be awful."

He raised a brow, "Oh, I blame her." He agreed as silence took over.

"I'm sorry." I said the only think I could think of, "I'm sorry about everything." I told him as he stared back at me. I wasn't sorry about anything other than hurting him… Sleeping with Callum, ignoring him, bringing Liam here.

"Yeah." He nodded, not saying anything else.

"To clarify; I'm not sorry about that night. It was what I wanted…" I trailed off, leaving off the fact that I still wanted it. I still wanted Ames as much as I fought those feelings, but I was trying to move on. Trying to close my heart to what could have been with Ames and opening what could be with Liam. "I'm sorry about leaving… and what I did with Callum. Really, I won't forgive myself for those."

"I shouldn't have told you that I just wanted that one night…" He swallowed, his eyes not leaving mine.

I heard footsteps behind me, "Mila." I turned around and saw Liam standing there.

"Hey, I'm sorry about all of this. If you want we can go?" I suggested.

"Listen Mila, I don't want to hurt you…" I heard this before as my heart started hurting from what I knew was going to happen, "I had an insanely complicated relationship with my ex-wife and that was finished less than a year ago. I heard what the two of you were talking about and I just don't think that I can get in a relationship when all of this is going on…"

"There's nothing going on…" I reasoned with him.

"It doesn't look that way. Look, you are amazing, but I don't think you're ready for this relationship." He told me as he placed a sweet kiss on my cheek, "I'm really sorry… Cam said she'd take you home…" He said as he walked off and left the house.

I laughed sarcastically, "Well, there goes that one. I can't even manage to keep the good ones." I wiped the stray tears that fell from my eyes, "Are you happy?" I turned to look back at Ames, "I'm alone once more."

"Well, I stand corrected… He seemed okay." He nodded as I turned around and hit him.

"Ames!!" I yelled.

"I think you'll survive being alone for a little while. Or maybe you can hit on Ben, see what happens." He suggested.

I made a face, "So funny, and you don't think I'm easy right?"

"I think you're lonely." He replied, "I know the feeling." He said as he sipped his drink.

I rose a brow, "How many of those have you had?" I asked him.

"Why?"

I shrugged, "No one else is drinking."

"No one else has to be around the one who got away." He replied, walking away leaving me alone. I breathed out as my heart started hurting again… I was awful for what I did to him and I expected him to just forgive me like nothing had happened… I sighed as I followed him out to the dinner table, sitting next to Ames.

"What happened to the hottie?" Chloe asked as we sat down.

"Apparently I'm too complicated for him." I sighed as everybody looked at me.

"Can we eat please?" Ames interrupted.

My mom turned and gave me a sympathetic look, "Honey, he's the one missing out-"

"Please don't Mom." I swallowed as I stared at the food, but I was no longer hungry. I felt sick, "Just please don't tell me how he's the one that's missing out and that I'm too good for him. I'm sick of hearing it." I inhaled sharply as I tried to not cry. I was such an emotional mess.

Everybody went silent and I could feel all their eyes on me. For the first time in my life, I wanted to disappear.

"I'm going to f.ucking kill that guy." My dad grunted out.

"Dad." I deadpanned as I looked at him.

"You don't deserve to be ditched ever, especially when you're with your entire family." He said with flared nostrils.

I shook my head, "I do deserve it... You're little girl isn't perfect Dad." I told him as I pushed back my chair and left the dining room, passing through the kitchen where I grabbed a bottle of vodka and headed to the backyard. It was pretty childish of me to leave like that but I wanted a few moments of self pity for myself...

"You've managed to ruin dinner for everybody..." I heard Ames' voice.

"You can add it to my growing list of accomplishments..." I groaned out as I took a swig from the bottle.

"I'm kidding." He said sitting down next to me.

"I wasn't... I'm 25 years old with a good job, something that I love. My life shouldn't be a mess like this! It shouldn't be this messed up. I dealt with this crap in my early twenties, I'm tired of it." I shrugged.

"…What crap did you deal with in your 20's?" He asked me.

"Oh you know… the time where you don't to care that every guy you date thinks your mom used to be hot and their favorite thing to do is drink and cheat on me." I said cynically.

"I know this is probably the wrong thing to say… but your mom is still hot." He said with a smirk.

I turned towards him and cringed, "Gross." I shook my head.

Suddenly he grabbed my waist and pulled me into his arms and held me close, making me tense before I finally relaxed, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"25 is still young Mila." He ran his hand up my back, "I think it's safe to say I'm in a similar situation and I turn 31 in three weeks."

"Yeah, but you're a man. Men just get better with age." I pouted at him.

"Well that's good to know." He said, holding me close to him as I felt comfortable and safe.

"I miss you." I whispered softly, saying what came to my mind.

"Then why do you keep trying to move on?" He asked me and I thought about that question; He told me, Cam told me, a part of me knew, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.

"I…" I started, "I have a hard time being alone." I finished, sounding pathetic.

He nodded, "You get used to it."

"Oh god…" Ames and I turned to find Chloe holding a bottle of wine in her hand and some food. "I came out here to see if Mila wanted support but I see you beat me to it." She said, sitting down in front of us with a big smirk, "You two had sex."

"Chloe." Ames warned as I turned back towards him.

"You told Chloe?" I asked him as he shook his head.

"No I figured it out by the body language." She said as she pointed between the two of us, "Why do all my friends want to f.uck my family members?" She asked as I tried to not laugh.

"They're really hot." I said honestly.

"So…" She started, "What's happening now? Are you going to give me more Gabe-esque cuties?!" She squealed out with a grin.

I laughed, "Chloe the two of us aren't even in a relationship… I pretty much screwed that up." I wrapped my arms around myself.

"It's not like Ames is perfect!!" Chloe pleased, "I want more nephews or nieces." She grinned.

"Chloe." Ames warned, "This thing is complicated enough without you meddling.. we need to figure out things for out without family interruptions." I gave Ames a look as he shrugged, "We could talk." He clarified.

Chloe scoffed, "You guys don't think it's complicated for the rest of us? Imagine Christmas! Thanksgiving! All family holidays! You've already gone down a path there's no turning around from." She smirked.

I sighed, "Thanks for the confidence boost Chlo."

"I'm being honest… I don't see a problem with you two dating." She grinned.

"Like I said before Chloe, I've done some stuff that is not easily forgivable." I told her honestly because if I was in Ames' position, I probably wouldn't forgive me either.

"Are you going to become a nun or something?!" She laughed, "They were mistakes, that's all. You can't forgive them Ames?" She said giving him an attitude as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Chloe, this is a conversation between Mila and I." Ames interjected.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "Men! So stubborn." She shook her head walking off.

Ames shook his head as I spoke up, "I'm probably going to head home." I told him wrapping my arms around myself once more, a weird chill went through and I shivered.

"I can take you home…" He offered.

I shook my head, "You don't have to Ames…"

"I would like to talk though…" He swallowed.

"Ames, I understand that we can't be together… Maybe you're right. I need to be alone for a little bit…" I sighed.

“I can’t be the only person who’s said that…” He trailed off as I gave him a face.

“Yeah… Cami might have said setting me up was like giving an addict drugs.” I winced, thinking about that conversation.

He laughed, “I guess I just have a thing for addicts then huh?” He gave me a small smirk trying to make light of his situation.

"Please say you're not going to tell me something like 'you have to love yourself before you love others.’” I groaned at the thought of hearing that again.

He shook his head, “Well maybe that’s true, but I think your problem is that you love too much.”

I blinked back at him, “What do you mean?”

He shrugged and pushed my hair back softly, “Think about it Mila, you give a ton of yourself to other people, your family, your friends and with guys? You fall too fast, trust too easy… I don’t know. Maybe you’re scared you’re not you if you don’t have someone to love.”

I stared back at him, “Did you take psychology classes in college along with that fancy law degree?” I asked with a small smirk

“Maybe.” He winked back at me as he stood up reaching out for my hand, “Come on princess, let me walk you home.” I let him lift me up as we walked down the street in silence. It was bittersweet; I was more than comfortable with him, but I knew that he hadn’t forgave me for what I’ve done.

“How do you know if it’s real?” I asked, looking up at him.

He shrugged, “I don’t know.” He said lost in his thoughts before speaking up, “I think it’s when making the other person happy is what truly makes you happy.”

“Oh, so it’s not just about the best sex of your life?” I joked with him with a smirk on my face.

He gave me a small smile, “Who was that again?” He asked slyly.

“I’m not going to make that ego of yours any bigger.” I laughed.

“I think you just did.” He said as we stopped in front of my apartment building. “It was nice to talk.” He told me as I could see a sadness in his eyes and I knew he wouldn’t ever be able to forgive me. I loved him… but I wanted him to happy.

I swallowed and looked at him sadly, “It was nice…” I licked my lips, “Again, I’m sorry for all the stuff I’ve done to you. That was never my intention.”

He nodded, “I understand… but thank you.”

I looked away, “And please know that out of every man I have ever been with…” I swallowed back tears, “You were the most kind and unselfish one.” I told him, thinking about how I wanted him to find happiness, even if it wasn’t with me. “Remember that when you think you’re not good enough for anybody.”

I said turning away, “I can say the same about you.” He interrupted, making me turn back around.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t think because of all that’s happened between us that you deserve to be with complete a.ssholes. You deserve a thousand times better than that.” He gave me a warm smile and made me melt inside. He was perfect and I had ruined any chance of being with him...

I sniffed, “Thank you. I’ll see you around.” I told him with a nod as I turned around and headed upstairs to my apartment.

I sighed as I peeked through my blinds to see him walk away from my building. I sighed, kicking off my shoes and fell into bed as I tried to register everything that had happened tonight.