don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you.

don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you. by sassy

 I closed the door of Gabe's room behind me, feeling tired in more way than one and catching Cami walking out of her bedroom. I took a few seconds to watch her as I thought about how odd was to be back in Paris after a long vacation that had felt like paradise, how weirdly unnatural was to think that we had two different apartments here, and I guessed it was the kind of thought you had after sharing every second and every space of your day with your ex. Now, I didn't want to let go, only I wasn't sure how to do it, how to tell her, but one thing I was sure about: we needed to work things out, because I wanted her back and this time permanently.
"Is he still asleep?" She asked quietly, frowning with some reason I couldn't tell but I had the feeling it could be about tucking in her baby, which wasn't that much of a baby anymore. Still, for us he would always be.
"He is," I nodded and a grin played on my lips. "I'm pretty sure he's even snoring."
"He gets that from you," She grinned back and leaned into me, grabbing my collar before dropping her fingers down to unbutton the first few buttons on my shirt.
I grabbed one of her wrists and brought it up to my mouth, pressing a soft kiss against it with my eyes locked on hers as my mind worked fast, "What are you doing tomorrow?"
She smiled, even though it looked a little forced, "Taking Gabe to school and then stopping by the agency to pick up my schedule. I think I'm flying to New York next month, they want me to be the head artist at the Victoria's Secret fashion show."
"That's great," I replied, fingers running down her wrist as silence fell between us. My first thought was that I would have to adjust my schedule too in order not to make Gabe miss Cami while she was away. My second thought was that I wished we could go all together. And the third was that we couldn't keep playing family only when we were out of time, I needed to talk to her sooner than later.
"Will you stay the night with me?" She asked point blank, pulling me out of my thoughts that were something else even if still on her. "We can't have sex obviously, but I want nothing more than to fall asleep in your arms."
I reached for her hips with one hand, pulling her closer to me as my other hand cupped her cheek to tilt her head up. "How could I ever say no to your offer?" I asked in a light teasing mood as I smiled at her, part of me relieved that she had asked. More, than relieved, I was happy.
She shrugged as she bit down on her lips, her eyes on mine, big and gorgeous. "I don't know, maybe you got tired of me already." She joked but managed to keep a straight face.
I bowed my head until my mouth was barely an inch from hers, "Never." I said seriously before parting my lips and capturing hers softly, the kiss apparently innocent even though our bodies were slowly melting together, her hands snaking around my neck and tangling with my hair, my arms caging her tight, her chest pressing against mine until there was not even an inch between us. "I was hoping you'd ask." I confessed in a whisper as we broke the kiss, still lips to lips and eyes to eyes.
"Or what? You would've gone away?" She asked and a small smirk curved her mouth.
I shook my head and smirked back at her as I pulled away regretfully, reminding myself that I had to be careful with both my words and actions if I didn't want to ruin everything. What had seemed so effortlessly easy on vacation was really hard now, back to reality, and I wasn't sure of how we'd get through it. "No, I don't think I could sleep without you." I said simply and reached for her hand leading her to her bedroom and realizing how many things had changed during the last year. "I would've just laid down and pray you wouldn't have kicked me out." I added to make the moment light.
"I'd never kick you out," Cami admitted, watching me push her bedroom door open from the corner of her eye. Her eyes were still locked on mine, as if she couldn't look away and I felt the same. My eyes and my mind were always on her, it had always been like this all these years no matter how hard things had been.
I grinned back and pulled her shirt up slowly while she lifted her arms up in the air to help, "That's good to know."
She kicked the door closed softly with her foot and peeled my shirt off next, running her hands down my chest and giving me that touch I was addicted to. "Are you going to take advantage of that?" She wrapped her arms around my neck as I lifted her up and carried her over to the bed, laying her down in the middle of the bed on her back while my hands inched up her silky thighs.
"I'd never take advantage of you," I replied and unbuttoned her zipper, her hips lifting up as I unzipped her jeans next and slid them over her ass and down her thighs.
A small laugh escaped her as she shook her head, "That wasn't the question."
"I forgot what you asked," I shot her a lopsided grin, pushing my own jeans down my legs before sliding into bed beside her.
She nestled her body up to mine instantly, letting me cage her up in my arms like I'd been doing for the past weeks. It felt natural, as if there was no other way we could be. "What are you thinking about right now?" She peeked up at me and bit down on her lip.
I smiled down at her, using my free hand to brush her hair out of her eyes, "That's a loaded question baby." I said quietly.
"Does it mean you're not going to answer?" She asked in a low voice as her face turned serious.
"I'm going to answer to anything you have to ask." I tilted my head down to kiss her forehead, wanting her to know that I was an open book for her. Okay, maybe I wasn't, but I wanted to be because I had nothing to hide.
"Then do it." She smirked this time, her hand moving up my chest and to my neck to cup it softly as she didn't break eye contact.
"I'm thinking that I like being here with you." I said quietly, my voice serious but not too much. She had to get that I was completely honest, but I didn't want to scare her away with the talk I was planning to give her. We had just come back from our holiday, it could wait a few more days. "With our little angel in his room." I went on, moving my hand up and down to caress her soft skin. "It feels good."
She let out a sigh then smiled, looking genuinely content. "I agree. What else?"
At that, I laughed lightly, "Isn't it enough?" I smirked at her.
"I was just wondering if there's more." She wrinkled her nose, making that adorable face that made her look a lot like Gabe. Or maybe it was vice versa.
"I'm thinking that tomorrow we'll drop Gabe at school, then I'll have to stop at BMM and ask my mom if he can stay over one night of this week." I voiced my thoughts carefully, hoping she was still up for the date I had promised her while being away. I had loved every moment spent with her and our son, but right now I felt like we needed some time alone and not just to finally be inside of her, but to decide what to do with whatever we were having. "Once she'll tell me when I'll plan our night out...how does it sound to you?"
"Perfect," Cami smiled and pressed a soft kiss against my lips before laying her head on my chest. "I can't wait," She added quietly, leaving me wonder if she felt as nervous as I was.
I was tempted to ask her what she was thinking about, what was really on her mind, but I reminded myself that we'd have plenty of time for questions. And answers. I peeked down at her instead and then a second later kiss her forehead, tightening my grasp around her shoulder, "Are you excited?"
"To spoil you? Always," She grinned up at me, making my mind trail to naughtier places. I was dying to have her spoil me. Dying to be inside of her for hours, days, weeks even, after five years of missing that no amount of time seemed long enough.
I laughed and her body vibrated against mine as I looked at her. "Won't I be spoiling you instead?"
"No," She shook her head and traced her fingers against my chest, "I'll pay for dinner and at the end of the night, if you play your cards right, I'll be bringing you back home for a nightcap."
I let out another soft laugh, her view on how our date would be amusing me but that was just my Cami, adorable and silly. "I don't think so." I said with a smirk on my lips.
She pulled her head back to rest her chin on my chest and look into my eyes, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout. "No? Why? Don't you like my idea?"
"It's not bad." I kept my smirk in place as I tucked a wisp of her dark hair behind her ear, "But you're forgetting I'm a gentleman and I'd never let you pay."
"Right, silly me." She smirked back at me before licking her lips slowly and slowly killing me. "What else am I forgetting? It might be a while since the last time I've been with this so called gentleman."
I rested my head against the pillow, glancing at the ceiling as I thought about it without bursting with anticipation. "Let me think."
"Hurry, I'm impatient." She protested and poked my side, making me flinch and chuckling when I did.
"Okay baby." I nodded as I did my best to keep a straight face but failed instead. The downside of being so happy was that sometimes I felt like an idiot. Actually, when I was with Cami there was no downside. "I'll pay, that's for sure. No matter what we'll do, I'll pay."
"Careful Mr Lindsell, that's a dangerous thing to say..." She trailed off in a teasing one.
"Monsieur Lindsell." I corrected, making her chuckle softly exactly like she used to when she was a kid. My heart skipped a beat just because of that. "And I don't do nightcap, so we might have a problem. Also, you'll be bringing me back home? Here? Am I not supposed to trick you into take you to my apartment and take advantage of you instead?" I asked, always liking joking about things instead of being too serious, mostly when they were things that made me nervous. But our life was already so full of responsibilities and complications, sometimes we deserved some lightness instead.
"Take advantage of me?" Cami gasped as she faked a shocked expression, inching her body closer and closer to mine. "That doesn't sound very gentlemanly..."
I grinned up at her as she made her way on top of me, straddling my body as she adjusted her hands on my chest. Good god, another night of torture was waiting for my balls. Not that I could ever complain but it was hard to resist her...so hard. Ugh. "Oops," I replied and grasped her hips, keeping my lips parted as she lowered her head to kiss me hard. Even a simple kiss, even if there was nothing simple about it, was enough to make old feelings resurface in my heart even though, really, they weren't old. I had tried to ignore them, but it had been useless and stupid, she was the only woman I wanted to kiss for the rest of my life.
"You're not sorry," She whispered against my lips, not able to stop kissing me.
"Are you trying to take advantage of me now?" I asked between kisses, my hand still on her hip as I tried to behave.
She grinned as she dropped her lips down to my neck, "Maybe a little. Should I have bought you dinner first?"
"I wouldn't let you pay," I replied, quiet groans escaping my throat because I couldn't stop my body from reacting to hers. "If you keep this up, we won't make it to our date."
"I hate waiting," She said seriously and pulled back to look at me, moving her hands back to my chest and pushing her breasts together in the process.
I couldn't help moving my eyes down and looking at her chest, her bra so tiny and the lace so see through that even without knowing it I'd guess she had a nip pierced. God that drove me crazy. "Tell me about it." I swallowed as I forced myself to look back at her face, my body motionless under hers.
She studied me then frowned a little, "What's wrong?" She asked quietly.
"Nothing baby." I answered as I lifted my hand to cup her cheek, my thumb brushing against her soft skin as I smiled at her.
"You're..." She trailed off as if looking for the right word, "Hard."
At that I laughed, "Yeah I'm well aware of that. It's the effect you have on me."
She bit down on her lip and blushed just a little, "Not what I meant." She said back in a sigh.
"Then tell me." I smiled at her again, lifting myself in a sitting position to watch her closer as my arms wrapped around her tiny waist.
"Now, that's better." She smiled back at me and looped her arms around my neck as I looked up at her in adoration. "I meant, your body was tense all over, almost motionless at the same time.
"Baby, I'm having a hard time holding back." I tried to explain in a soft voice, still caressing her and cuddling her while I did my best to make her feel...loved. Because I loved her and I could only hope she felt that. "Really hard." I added as I flashed her a smirk.
"Enough innuendos silly." She chuckled quietly.
My face turned serious again as I crossed my legs indian style to allow her a.ss to rest between my thighs, which was an awful position but hey I had survived for weeks, I could make it tonight too. "You know what I mean Cami, I'm dying to be inside of you. Dying." I said, feeling like a broken record as I leaned my forehead against hers to bore my eyes into hers. "I'm this close to lose my sanity and I think it's because it's against nature to resist a gorgeous sexy woman like you."
"I wish you'd stop resisting me then..." Cami trailed off and moved her head an inch to press her lips against mine, pulling back after a few seconds and smiling at me.
"Easier said than done," I retorted and glanced down at her lips which were still curved in a smile, the same smile I had fallen in love with when we were just kids.
"Can our date be tomorrow?" She joked, only half serious I was sure.
I cracked a grin, "You sound impatient."
"It's been a really long time."


flashback;

I walked into the small livingroom holding Gabriel, my eyes finding Cami immediately and watching her as she looked lost in her own thoughts, doing nothing, far from whatever was happening in our apartment. I wished I could say it was nothing, but it was always like this these days, it was as if she wasn't there when I was. "He won't stop crying," My words broke into her thoughts. "He's probably hungry."
"I just fed him," She said in a daze then finally decided to take a look at us, her eyes landing on Gabe who was propped on my hip only to glance past us a second later.
I? I didn't even get a glance. "Okay." I said quietly, guessing that maybe she was too busy or too tired to help me with our baby. And I was supposed to be able to stop making him cry, only lately I felt like I was good for nothing. I paced the apartment, holding Gabe close and pressing my lips against his forehead as I rocked him in my arms. "Shhh...please baby don't cry...please..." I whispered, feeling this close to start crying myself. I had always known that having a baby when we both were so young would have been hard, but no one, not even the worst thoughts, prepare you to the truth. It was exhausting, frustrating, emotionally and physically, but I loved my little man more than anything and I had to do my best to be a good dad to him.
"Give him to me." Cami's voice came from behind my back and made me turn around, finding her with her arms stretched out and an unreadable expression on her gorgeous face. Every time I looked at her it was like a kick in my stomach, we were so different from the couple we used to be and I felt as if she resented me.
"I can take care of him, you've already been with him all day...go and relax." I said quietly, trying to do the right thing no matter how hard it was. I had just come back from London where I had to be two days for a photo shoot and I had missed Gabe, I had missed Cami, it had been awful because I wasn't really into modeling but I got paid really well and it let me take care of my family just like I wanted, only I didn't get to spend so much time with them anymore and constantly felt guilty for that. It was as if there was no solution and no way to keep everyone happy.
She set her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes on me, "I can't relax if he's crying." She said, making a good point but still.
I let out a deep breath and gave up, giving her Gabe who stopped crying the moment his body was against his mom's chest. Sometimes I wondered if I was the reason why he cried. "What can I do?" I asked quietly, feeling defeated.
Cami glanced down at Gabe who was holding a fistful of her shirt instead, his way of letting her know that he was hungry. Looking back up at me, she parted her lips when my phone started ringing. Fuck. A shrill cry left Gabe instantly while Cami looked on the verge of tears too. "Will you please answer that?" She said in a drained tone. I silenced the call instantly, wishing she wouldn't get so upset only because of a meaningless call, but I didn't say anything, guessing that after a whole day with Gabe even the smallest thing could be annoying and I should have turned my phone off. "Who was it?"
"Work," I replied and she nodded, the look on her face scaring me because I had never seen it before, not even when we had found out about Gabe. She wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, but neither of us said a word. I kept trying to be better, but felt like I only made things worse.
"How was London?" She asked and looked back up at me after freeing a breast to feed Gabe. I opened my mouth to answer her when the phone started ringing again, this time not even bothering our baby a little since he was finally getting what he wanted. "Really, answer it, I don't mind."
"It's my publicist."
She blinked and tried to bite her tongue, "He's probably calling about all the magazine covers you've made this week."
This time, I blinked back at her, completely lost, "What?"
"Nothing," She shook her head slowly. "Forget I said anything."
I turned my phone off, set on not letting it interrupt us anymore and I kept staring at Cami, wishing I could be able to read her like I once used to. Instead, I could read nothing, it was as if there was a wall between us. Silence filled the room and she broke eye contact once again, looking at our baby instead while I got that awful feeling I always tried to get rid of. I didn't even want to consider it, I ignored it. "What are you talking about Cami?" I asked eventually, sitting next to her and setting my hand on her leg tentatively, never knowing if she'd like it or hate it. I swear, all the things I used to know about her, about us...I knew nothing now instead.
"Nothing." She repeated in monotone, making a point of not looking at me.
"Baby please, talk to me..." I said quietly, feeling this close to get on my knees and beg her since I'd do anything to break our wall. When she didn't say a word I reached for her free hand and squeezed it, wishing she could at least look me in the eyes. "Please Cami."
She finally turned her head, so much sadness in her look my heart ached, literally. "I want to put Gabe to bed before he wakes up again." She said eventually, making me realize that he had fallen asleep in his mom's arms.
I nodded and let go of her hand, dropping mine in my lap as I watched her get up to walk to our bedroom. I set my elbows on my knees and ran my hands through my hair, wondering where I had gone wrong, what I had done, why we were becoming this sad version of ourselves. It made me feel so restless, so insecure, so nervous. I got up and paced the room, not able to sit still and wait, my eyes landed on a magazine I was positive Cami had been reading earlier so I took it in my hands. On the cover there was me with the model I had worked with for my last photo shoot and it said I was cheating my girlfriend with her. My lips parted and my eyes widened because I was shocked, despite being the son of two famous model, I had always refused to be a part of their world until now, and I guessed I was still inexperienced and naive. I was doing it for my son only.
"Surprised?" Cami's voice broke into my thoughts.
I turned around to look at her, "Do you believe this?" I asked quietly, wanting to scream and cry because it wasn't fair. I loved Cami with all my heart and never, ever, cheat on her. I only hoped she knew that.
"Believe it?" Cami blinked at me before shaking her head, "Of course not. But does it affect me? Yes."
I parted my lips and ran a hand through my hair, tearing my eyes away from hers to look down at the magazine again. I only wished she could be less insecure, but it wasn't her fault, I understood that it was a hard time for her, but it wasn't my fault either. I had become a model to support my family and all the attention from the trashy press was a side effect I wished we could ignore. "You can't read every single magazine I'm in. Half of it's garbage and it's just going to break us apart," I said in a voice of forced calm because really, I didn't understand why she read them. Not only they made me look like the asshole I wasn't but also made her look pretty bad.
"People pity me because of the things they read in these stupid magazines. I shouldn't read them, I know that, but I can't stop," She replied and took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second to regain her composure. When she opened her eyes and looked at me, a weird expression crossed her face making me wonder how I was looking myself. "Are you happy?" She asked point blank, her voice coming out as a whisper.
"What?" I blinked back at her, surprised by her question because I had never thought she would've said it out loud. I was aware we were having problems but this...it was starting to worry me.
"Are you happy?"
I walked over to where she was standing, having every intent to break the space between us but stopping short of a couple inches and staring at her instead, not sure if it was okay from me to touch her or not. "Of course I am," I replied.
"You don't look happy Ben..." She trailed off while managing to blink back the tears. "This isn't the life you wanted for yourself and -"
"This? Do you mean modeling, Cami? I'm doing it for you," I cut her off. "For Gabe... for our family."
"I know that!" Her voice chocked and she shook her head, breaking my heart. "I don't even know why I'm so upset right now..."
I watched her closely for a moment, not knowing what to do and feeling awful. Until not long ago I would've known without even thinking, but now there was a mess in my head and I was confused, sometimes I felt as if I was a stranger to myself. "Cami I'd do anything for you and Gabe." I said eventually as I stretched my arm tentatively and brushed my thumb against her cheek. "Please don't cry..." I trailed off, hating to see her like this.
"I'll get over it." She breathed out and I could tell she was doing her best to pull herself together and that was another thing I didn't like. She always tried to fix things all by herself, as if she had to prove how strong she was, how she could do it, and I felt left out instead.
I slid my hand down her neck then behind her nape to pull her closer, looking at her hurting me but I had to anyway. "You and our son are my priority number one, you will always be." I said quietly yet seriously, meaning every single word. My life was all about them, all my choices were made because of them, and while sometimes it felt frustrating giving up my dreams, I knew that it was part of my responsibilities as a father and never complained about it. Only in my head, from time to time.
"I know that too Ben, I believe you..." She trailed off and set her hands on my chest, but only to take a step back. She took a deep breath. "I can't help feeling like this." She repeated, even though the words were different.
I ran my hands through my hair, feeling this close to freak out and fighting myself not to show it. This couldn't be my life, it couldn't be ours. She was slowly opening up, maybe, and I felt that it wasn't going to be good. Guilt was already eating me alive even though I had done nothing. But maybe I hadn't done enough instead. "I know it's hard-" I started, but she cut me off.
"You're never home." She said in a breath, as if she was about to say all the things she had kept looked up lately.
"I'm sorry Cami, I wish I could be here for you and Gabe more, but it's the only way I can do my job." I said quietly, really quietly, not wanting to fight or argue because I hated that, but also meaning it. Baby needed lots of money to take care of and when you were a new raising star in the fashion world you couldn't pull out of its lifestyle to stay home with your son, or you'd lose credibility, contacts, everything. I didn't want that lifestyle, and whenever I was out I wondered how much of my son's life I was missing out, but I had no other choice if I wanted to give him a future. And Cami...she was going through so much already, I didn't want her to worry about money too, neither I wanted to ask help to my parents or hers. We were young, but just as we had made our baby we now had to prove we were good enough to take care of him.
"I know that too. I just miss you..." Cami trailed off, still looking as if she was letting something out and I thought I knew what it was. I got that same feeling too.
"I'm here," I replied and grabbed her chin to softly tilt it back up in my direction, the sad look into her eyes killing me. I had loved this girl for my whole life for what I could remember, she was my first love and the only one too. Our love was something I never doubted.
She parted her lips and stared into my eyes. "I miss the way we used to be," She whispered and swallowed thickly, finally admitting what neither of us could say.
"What are you saying Cami?" I asked, wanting her to say it all.
She shrugged, taking a few seconds to talk, them feeling like ages. "I miss how happy we used to be... How we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. I miss feeling wanted. I feel like I've stopped trying, like I've just given up and I can't even remember the last time we had sex," She closed her eyes and took another breath, letting me out once again and once again making me feel desperate and miserable. I didn't blame her for that, it just sucked how inevitable this seemed. When she opened her eyes, I was still staring at her and more tears rolled down her cheeks, "What happened to us?"
I swallowed and just took her in my arms, pressing her body hard against me in an attempt to give her with actions the comfort I couldn't give her with words. And even like this, with her sobbing quietly against my chest, I didn't know if it was enough, hell I didn't know if anything would ever be enough. The thought alone killed me, made me panic even. "We had to grow up." I managed to say in a voice that didn't even seem like my own, I was doing my best to be the strong one, to be there for her like she needed me to be, still I couldn't help feeling as if I was completely inadequate. I was this close to break.
She nodded, still hiding her face from me as she wrapped her arms around my waist loosely, letting me hold her. It wasn't like I didn't feel attracted to her anymore, I still did like day one, I felt rejected instead and stopped trying to get close. It was a mess and I blame it all to us stopping voicing all our thoughts like once we used to. "Do you ever regret it?" She asked in a small voice, surprising me again.
I blinked, quite not believing to my ears and really wishing she didn't think I could ever. "Regret...what?" I asked slowly as I lifted her chin gently, needing to look at her face while answering the loaded question.
"Us, Gabe..." She said in a barely audible tone, her eyes still fogged by her warm tears.
"Never." I said quickly since, no matter how hard and dark the place we were was, our son was my life. "The timing wasn't ideal, we were too young to have a baby...but we do now. We have a perfect little boy and I'd never regret our choice to keep him." I explained, wishing I could hold onto that thought and hope that it'd be enough to keep us together, when truth was? I felt as if everything was slipping through my fingers instead. Was I the reason of everything? Could Cami be better off without me, free of the bad press and all the frustration? I was lost there. I had never ever thought I could even consider my life without her, but if it was necessary to make her life better? I'd do it, because she, and Gabe, were more important to me than I was to myself.
Cami managed a small smile and nodded her head, hiding her face once more since the tears seemed to keep falling and it broke my heart. I hated seeing her like this, so hurt and sad, because of me too. If only love could be as simple as it used to be, I would have been able to do something more than this. "Are you happy though?" She asked again, whispering the question and then pulling her head back to find my eyes. To me, being happy wasn't the point anymore, or at least my happiness wasn't. There were other things that came in my list first, them being my son and my Cami. Still, I couldn't hide how I felt to the girl I loved more than anything, she knew me well and I was sure she could see my exhaustion, my struggle. She nodded her head before I even had the chance to speak, setting her fingertips on my lips softly and forcing another weak smile, "No matter what happens between us, I'm always going to love you."
I reached for her hand, her words hitting me like a punch in the stomach, "What are you trying to say Cami?"
She shrugged her shoulders lightly while running her tongue across her top lip. "I don't make you happy anymore and I don't know what to do... I feel so lost," She admitted, struggling not to start sobbing uncontrollably. "I feel like I can't do anything right."
I parted my lips then closed them. Then parted them again and closed them again. It took me a few seconds to put my thoughts in words, because it hard to think straight when I felt her pain so loud I wished I could scream just as loud. It was unbearable, to see her like this, to blame herself for things she didn't have any blame for, because she was so young and in a way fragile to let things get under her skin, like the gossip, my reputation, deserved or not. "Cami you do everything right instead." I said seriously as I cupped her face in my hands to look into her eyes, "It's hard to grow up as fast as we had to and take care of a baby."
"Still." She cut me off with a small shrug and I knew that in that moment she was listening to me but not really, she could be a stubborn girl sometimes and if she was set on one idea it was hard to change her mind.
"Still nothing." I shook my head, refusing not to let her see herself like I saw her. She was, in one word, amazing. "You're the perfect mom, you're giving to our son everything he could ever need, you always put him before yourself and give him so much love..." I trailed off as I studied her face closely, a ghost of a smile appearing on her lips but didn't last more than a bunch of seconds, so I went on. "And you finished school, even if you were pregnant. Now you're thinking about starting working and I know you can do it baby, you can do everything because you're amazing."
She bit down hard on her bottom lip and I had the feeling that my words only had pulled more triggers. She was too emotional and upset to think things straight and I was too torn apart and desperate to make her feel better. "But what about us Ben?" She asked in a barely audible whisper that, at the same time, was very loud.
I swallowed, not knowing the answer myself. It was clear that I wasn't able to give her what she needed to be fine, but it was also clear that never, ever, in my whole life I would left her side. She'd always be my first love, the mother of my son, and I'd always support her and be there for her no matter what. "We can't take care of everything baby, we already have so much on our plate...it's hard." I paused, needing to take a breath because I had a lump in my throat that didn't want to go away, "Maybe right now it'd be better for us to focus on us as parents, more than as a couple."