I'm standing in the flames and it's a beautiful kind of pain.

I'm standing in the flames and it's a beautiful kind of pain. by nadiaa featuring straight leg jeans

"Aunt Mila!!" I heard a loud pitched voice yell out as I opened my front door and I was confronted by my sister and nephew.

"Gabe!" I grinned, grabbing him as he ran into my arms, "I missed you cutie!" I told him giving him a kiss on his temple. He made a face and wiped the invisible kiss off of him.

"I missed you too…" He grinned at me.

"I made your favorite." I gave him a small wink as he looked at me wide eyed.

"Lasagna?" I nodded as he wriggled his way out of my arms.

"There's a plate ready for you on the table." I yelled out as he ran out of sight and I turned back to my sister and gave her a hug, "You look incredibly tan."

"I got tons of sun in Cote de Azure." She grinned at me.

I glanced at her and nodded, "You look happy."

She shrugged, "We had such a good time... I relaxed and Ben and I focused on Gabe. It was exactly what we needed." She said with a glint in her eye that said more than what she actually said.

"Good." I grinned, as she set her bags down on the ground and we headed towards the kitchen, "Wine?"

She nodded as I filled her glass and then refilled mine to the brim.

She eyed me, "Something we need to talk about?"

I swallowed thinking about my situation with Ames, "It's nothing." I shook my head as I walked towards the living room where I could hear Gabe watching some cartoon on.

Cam grabbed my arm and stopped me, "What's going on?"

I shrugged, "As your life has been getting better, mines getting worse...." I trailed off.

She furrowed his brows, "Mila." She crossed her arms over her chest and suddenly reminded me of our mother.

"Well, first of all; Braden cheated on me and knocked some girl up..." I told her in a hushed tone.

Her mouth dropped, "Seriously?"

I nodded, "Oh yes. I met her after he proposed to me." I said sarcastically.

"Mila..." Cam trailed off in a disapproving tone.

"I know I was stupid for saying yes. I'm reminded of it every day." I drank more of my wine.

"Mama!" Gabe interrupted the two of us, "Can I have more lasagna please?" 

I grinned, "Ill go get him some..." I said grabbing Gabes plate from him and plated more food for him and brought it back out.

"Thank you." He grinned at me, digging in.

Cam and I took a seat on the couch as Gabe got sucked into the TV once more, "So what else?" She asked me with worried eyes.

Now to the part about Ames... I didn't know how to tell her I slept with him....

"What do you mean what else?" I asked, stalling, trying to gather my thoughts.

She let out a sigh, "He proposed and you said yes, you met the girl carrying his child, then what?"

"I'm more interested in your trip." I changed the subject, "How long were you three gone anyways? It's felt like an eternity."

"A little over two months." She said quickly before shaking her head, "And don't you dare try changing the subject."

I laughed and bit down on my lip as I looked back at Gabe, "Are you two back together now?" I asked in a whisper. I had been wondering since Cam called me saying she was back.

"No," She replied, "Are you still with Braden?"

My eyes widened at her, "Do you really think I have no self respect?"

"Of course not." She said quickly, "But you left off at the part where you told that idiot yes. What happened next?"

"It's over." I said flatly, "For good this time. I'm done with that a.sshole." I said honestly.

Gabe's head shot back at us and his eyes widened, "I heard that!! Aunt Mila sweared Maman!"

Cam nudged me and shook her head, "Thank you for that."

"Are you trying to tell me that you never swear around him?" I asked her skeptically.

She grinned, "I don't. We have a swear jar.l

"And you owe me a dollar now!" He grinned wider at me.

I grinned at the cutie, "Give me my purse." I told him as he handed my bag to me and I took a dollar out of my wallet, "Here you go."

"Thank you!" He kissed my cheek and went back to watching to TV.

I smiled at him, "I missed him." I told my sister.

"We missed you… Come on Mila, tell me. If you don't tell me, who will you tell? I'm your sister and I'm not here to judge." She told me as I sighed.

I looked once more at Gabe before whispering, "I slept with Ames…" I trailed off, turning my gaze back towards my sister who furrowed her brows and looked like she was taking in the information slowly.

She then widened her eyes and gasped, "WHAT?!" She yelled a little loudly and Gabe turned his eyes towards us and looked at us confused, "What?" She said more quietly as she gave Gabe a smile and he went back to watching TV.

"We had sex…" I said quietly, not wanting Gabe to hear.

"When?" She asked with her mouth open.

I sighed, "A few weeks ago… but that's not the biggest problem…" I trailed off, looking back at Gabe.

"That's not your biggest problem?" She furrowed his brows.

I shook my head, "No... I slept with an ex after and Ames came to talk to me during that whole thing..." I trailed off as my sister opened her mouth before I covered it with my hand, "Shh."

She pushed my hand away, "Mila! What were you thinking?"

I shrugged, "I was sad and scared." I repeated my thoughts. "It was so stupid... And now I think I lost Ames for good." I blinked back at her as I fought back tears.

"Okay walk me through what happened after you slept with Ames." She told me.

I sighed, "I was at his place, making him dinner. This is of course after I kissed him the week before. He kept saying he couldn't do this with me and that he didn't want to hurt me. Then the next thing I know we're having amazing passionate sex-"

"I don't need details Mil." She raised a brow to make me laugh.

"Okay, fast forward to morning and he was sleeping and looked so happy and I got scared. He said it was only going to be one night. I wanted him to stay happy and not have to tell me it's only one night. So I left leaving a note." I sighed, "And then avoiding his call for two weeks. I went on a bender Cam... I was drinking, partying and anything that would get my mind of Ames. I went to a seedy bar and Callum was there-"

"Callum?! Mila, he was disgusting!" She interjected.

I nodded, "I know this, but the next thing that happened was that we were, you know and I called out Ames name."

"MILA!" She exclaimed and Gabe turned once more to look at the two of us with a quizzical look on his face.

"What's wrong Mama?" He asked curiously.

"Nothing… Aunt Mila and I are talking about some adult things." She told him with a small smile.

I sighed, "It was all a mistake. Ames came to my place telling me he wanted me and I was ecstatic.. Until Callum stumbled half naked out of my room. I begged and pleaded with Ames to look past it and now he's ignoring me." I shrugged, looking down and my empty wine glass sadly.

She covered her face with her palms and let out a breath, but didn't say anything. It had been a few minutes since any word was even uttered and I couldn't stand it, "Say something." I told her swallowed.

"Mila…" She trailed off as she turned her head towards Gabe and smiled, "Why don't you go make yourself a sundae?" She offered.

"Really?" He widened his eyes and grinned.

"Yes." She nodded, "With all the fixings." She told him and he raced to the kitchen and we were left in silence. She looked back at me with worrying eyes, "What were you thinking?"

I blinked back at her, "You could be a little more specific. Which part?"

"I don't even know where to begin… Ames?" She started and shook her head, "He's family! Do you realize that every holiday from now on is going to be awkward! It's almost Christmas!"

I narrowed my gaze on her and crossed my arms over my chest, "You're not looking at the point." I stated.

"And what's that?"

"I want to be with Ames!!" I retorted.

"You should have thought about that before you brought Callum back to your place!" She shook her head.

"I was drunk." I sighed.

"That doesn't make any difference." She said flatly, "And what, do you think that calling out Ames' name makes it any better? It doesn't."

"You said you weren't here to judge." I glared at her.

She sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to judge… It's just hard to wrap my head around all of this."

"That's exactly what I've been feeling, Cam." I pulled my legs towards my chest and wrapped my hands around them, "I haven't been able to talk to anyone." I felt a tear run down my cheek.

"You could have called me…" She trailed off with a smile.

I shook my head, sniffing, "And ruin your vacation in paradise? No thank you. I was feeling miserable, but I didn't want to spread it." I gave her a small smile.

"I'm your sister. You've been there for me through… pretty much everything. I can return the favor." She leaned forward.

"Then help me now… What do I do?" I asked, because I was unsure of what to do and had no solutions, "Have a completely ruined things with Ames? Or do you think there's some chance he could forgive me?" I blinked at her.

She licked her lips, "I don't want to say something that could hurt your feelings, but there's a chance he might not forgive you Mila…" She trailed off as I erupted into more tears.

"So that's it? We just had one night together and that's it. He came to tell me he wanted to be with me; do you think it'd be easy for him to get rid of those feelings now?"

She shrugged, "I don't know what Ames is feeling…" She paused, "Ben's told me that he's had feelings for you for a while now."

I exhaled, "You're kidding me?"

She shook her head, "Mila, I'm sure he's always had an attraction to you."

"And I've always had an attraction to him! I mean seeing him at Ava and Corey's Christmas party that year drove me insane!" I said getting upset, "I just thought he always looked at me like a sister…"

"Normal guys don't sleep with their sisters." She grinned at me, making me shoot another glare her way.

"Thanks for pointing that out." I rolled my eyes, "I want him though… still. God, I just love being miserable." I scoffed.

"You fall too hard… And you don't like being alone. That's not a good combination Mila."

I sighed, "Who does? Being alone makes me miserable…" I sighed, "I wish there was something I could do to make it up to him…"

"Mila, that might not be a good idea…” She said slowly.

I furrowed my brows, “Then what do I do?!” I asked, because I had no idea.

She swallowed, “Maybe take a break from dating…”

I narrowed my eyes thinking about that. I don’t think I had been single for more than a few months since I turned 20… 

“Maybe I need to move on?” I suggested to her.

She raised a brow, “You do not need to move on. You need to learn to be by yourself.”

“Like you?” I said a little too harshly.

“Nice Mil.” She said simply.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” I trailed off, “I just don’t want to be alone.” I told her in a whisper.

“It’s not a bad thing. It’s not like you’re infected and should be avoided at all costs. It’ll give you time to do your own thing. Expand your blog, maybe travel.”

I twiddled my thumbs at the thought of being alone and my heart sped up, I wasn’t sure if I was quite ready for that.

“Set me up with someone.”

“Mila.”

I shook my head, “No, I’m serious. Set me up with someone; a good guy.”

“This isn’t a good idea.” She said crossing her arms.

I swallowed, “Maybe I’m pathetic, maybe I’m a mess, but right now… I don’t think I can be alone.” I said ashamed.

“You can though.”

I stopped her, “No, the thought is making me sick to my stomach. Please.”

She sighed, “I feel like I’m enabling an addict Mila-“

“Maybe I am.” I shrugged.

“I might know somebody…”

“Somebody?” I asked hopeful.

“He’s a friend of Gabe’s pediatrician… He’s also a pediatrician.” She trailed off.

I nodded my head, “Do you think it’s a good idea? Me dating a friend of Gabe’s pediatrician?”

“Honestly? I think it’s an awful idea.” She admitted as she stood up and took a peek of Gabe in the kitchen and a smile spread on her face and she looked back at me, “You aren’t going to take my advice though, so I might as well set you up with a good guy.”

I rolled my eyes, “You’re making me sound like a serial dater.”

“Which you are.” She nodded her head as she grinned, making me glare right back at her, “Look Mil, sometimes you need to love yourself before you can let someone else in and love you back.”

“Are you talking about masturbation?” I raised a brow as she let out a laugh.

“No!! I’m talking about you being single and finding yourself.” She clarified, “You don’t need a man to make you happy.”

I smiled back at her, “Since when are you so wise?”

“Since when do you have daddy issues? If anything, I should be the disaster dater because my dad never loved me as much as he loves my big sister.” She crossed her arms over her chest. I rolled my eyes, Dad did not love me more. He loved us equally.

I pouted, “Is my little sister having a pity party?”

She laughed, “No, that would still be you… I’m in a good place right now. I’m happy."

“What happened in Côte d'Azur?” I let a small smirk play on my lips. Her and Ben had to be back together… it was the only explanation as to how happy she was…

“Nothing. It was just nice to relax and spend time with Ben and Gabe at the same time. Gabe is so happy to be around him and I love seeing him that way.” She bit her lip with a smile. Yeah, they were definitely back together.

I nodded, “That’s really good Cam.” I said happy for her. She would tell me in her own time when she was ready, but she was just a bit naive to think I wouldn’t notice… I was her big sister after all.

She smiled with a sigh, “So what did you plan for us tonight?” She asked.

“Ooh!” I exclaimed quickly as I jumped up and scurried to my room, grabbing the bags of clothes I had gotten at fashion week a few weeks back. I walked back in with a grin, “Look at all these clothes I got!” I exclaimed happily as I dumped everything out onto the couch.

Cam raised a brow, “Are we going clubbing?”

I looked back at her, “What’s wrong with these clothes?” I asked.

“They just seem really dressy! Like we’re going to a nightclub.”

I shrugged, “I think they’re fine…”

“Does this dress even cover your a.ss?” She grinned as she pulled out a mini Versace dress.

I rolled my eyes, “This is so cute!!” I told her, “But forget about you; look at all the kids stuff I got for Gabe!” I squealed as I brought out a argyle sweater vest I got from the Dolce show, “Isn’t it so cute?” I grinned at her.

“I do like that for him.” She smiled, looking through the clothes, “Aww.” She said pulling out a child’s tie, “Okay, it’s adorable.”

“I know. I want a kid so I can dress him or her up.” I laughed, “I think I’d have a lot of fun.”

“How about you dress up Gabe for now? Talk about kids more when you’re love life is a little more stable.” She smirked.

I rolled my eyes, “A girl can dream…” I sighed, looking at all the clothes as we sat in silence.

“You will find that prince charming…” She started as she looked at me, “Just give it time.”

I nodded, “We’ll see.” I looked down at the clothes, “Gabe! I got you some stuff!!”

He quickly ran into the room with chocolate all over his mouth and with wide eyes, “What did you get me?”

“Clothes.” I grinned as his smile fell.

“That’s all?” He furrowed his brows.

“Gabriel.” Cam scolded him.

“It’s okay Cam.” I grinned, “He’s a little boy and I’m sure there’s some toys around here that I got you, but these clothes will make you look more like your Papa.” I grinned as he smiled once more.

“Thank you Aunt Mila.”

“You’re welcome little cutie.” I told him as I kissed his forehead and he ran back into the kitchen.

“Thanks Mila… for all the clothes. I’m sure he’ll love them.”

“It’s nothing.” I shrugged, “They were free.”

“Well, how about enough of little boy clothes and we get a little more tipsy and try on all these clothes?” She suggested.

I grinned, “Sounds like fun."