don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you

don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you by sassy

I waited in front of CBC building, arms crossed against my chest and lips curved into a pout, fighting the urge to just go inside and grab Jake by the shirt and drag him outside. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that, I was trying to be wiser and that was a reason why I had decided to wait outside, knowing that if I saw him even talking to his coworker I'd go nuts. And pregnant women needed to stay calm instead...but god I couldn't even listen to his radio show without hating that chicken of co-host of his. I glanced at my watch once again before taking a deep breath, even closing my eyes and focusing on my state of mind. Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale...

"Vi?" Jake's voice broke into my mantra and I opened my eyes.
"You're late." I glared at him, but let him kiss my lips softly anyway because well, he was super hot. Also super mine.
"So were you, then we found out it was because you're pregnant." He shot me a smirk like the smarta.ss he was, ignoring my mood completely which was something he was learning to do very well.
I rolled my eyes and groaned, "Hilarious." I said flatly.
He smiled and pushed my hair out of my eyes, "What are you doing here baby?" He asked.
I blinked at him, "Did you forget?" I asked slowly.
"Didn't you have your yoga class?" He asked back as he glanced down my body, his eyes lingering a moment on my belly before going back to my face.
"I did and now we're supposed to go to the doctor." I snapped, already getting angry because it was obvious that it had slipped his mind completely. I was trying to give him a break but god, sometimes I didn't know where his head was.
"Isn't that on Tuesday?" He furrowed his brows, looking adorable and making my temper flare even more.
"Today is Tuesday!" I retorted and hit his chest, then made a fist into his shirt and pulled him against me to kiss him hard. Kisses always made me feel better, plus they were amazing. My bear was amazing, really, only sometimes I forgot he was human while I thought he was a god instead.
"Sorry love." He murmured against my lips and I could tell that he was amused by my behavior. Oh well.
I sighed as I pulled away regretfully, reaching for his hand and letting him lead me through the crowd on the sidewalk. "It's fine. You'd be so lost without me." I said and a smirk played on my lips.
"Hell I would." He grinned back at me as he tangled his fingers with mine.
I set my free hand on my stomach, biting down on my lip because my pregnancy had started showing and it was both amazing and terrifying. I spent hours lost in my thoughts, thinking about the future, the baby, all the things we still needed to do and I wasn't going to lie, sometimes it was overwhelming. Then I focused on Jake and I knew that everything was going to be fine. "Why don't you have a car?" I asked apparently out of nowhere.
He looked taken aback as he shot me a side glance, "I do have a car, it's at my parents." He pointed out slowly.
"I know that." I sighed and shook my head, "I mean, maybe it's time to have it here. We might need it when we'll have our bean."
“We can’t let the bean in that car, we’ll get a new one!”
“What is it with you and wanting all new things for the baby.” I smirked, “New apartment, new car, next you’re going to want to move to the suburbs.”
He winced at me. “No I think both of us had enough suburbs growing up.”
“I agree…..you know we might find out if it’s a boy or a girl today.”
He looked back at me, “Really? I thought you said you wanted to find out when you had it.”
I shook my head. “That was the pregnancy hormones that also thought a natural birth would be a good idea.”
He laughed. “Yeah I was up for waiting but I'm not up for a water birth in my kitchen.”
I made a face even though I wasn't sure myself, "No please. But I don’t want to wait. I want to know if bean is a Jax or a Little Lily.”
He grinned and kissed my lips. “Me too.” He agreed. “I decided I don’t want a girl anymore.” He frowned.
“Why not cutie bear?” I asked, squeezing his hand.
“She’ll be your daughter Violet. I don’t want to have to deal with another Violet in high school. One was hard enough.”
I just broke out laughing, “Oh Jakey, you’re going to be such a cute dad.” I grinned and he made a face.
“I had to beat up a lot of boys in high school for you. I don’t want to do that again.”
“Mmm well if bean is a girl let’s just hope she doesn’t have my poor taste in men.” I grinned, leaning into him.
“Or let’s hope her best friend realizes what’s in front of him a lot sooner.”
"Yeah, my best friend was a dummy." I said keeping a straight face before staring at Jake and breaking into a laugh.
"Hey, I'm not!" He protested in a groan, even though I knew he was making a show out of it. And I was too, we played with each other like that and I loved it, it kept me happy and it made me laugh.
I bit down on my lip, trying to conceal my smirk as I squeezed his hand, "You're not anymore because you're my boyfriend." I said in a teasing tone.
"Duh." He rolled his eyes then chuckled too before pressing a quick kiss on my cheek, "You're silly."
"Silly and pregnant, that's me." I grinned as I patted my belly gently, relaxing next to my Jakey bear as we kept walking. "I want a girl too though." I added as an afterthought.
"...too?" He raised one eyebrow at me.
"At some point we'll make other babies Jake." I shrugged, already picturing them in my head. Again. God, mother nature was fucking with my brain. "Probably planned ones but still."
He smiled genuinely, his eyes full of love, "This is just the beginning baby."
I nodded but I had to look away, afraid to look like an idiot for how big I was smiling. It was crazy. I was starting to think that in the end being a mom could be the thing I had been destined to do, the one thing I could really be great at...I wasn't sure, but I was that I'd do everything to make my bean happy. "It is." I said softly as we walked into the hospital. "Maybe we'll have a bear first and then you won't have to worry because he'll protect our flowers, if we'll have any." I added and chuckled a little, because my sentence sounded like nonsense, even though it made much sense to me instead.
“No one else but me would understand that sentence you know that.” Jake laughed and I giggled more.
“I know I was just thinking that.” I cringed as I looked around. “Ugh I hate hospitals.”
He kissed the top of my head softly. “Me too.”
We reached our doctors office right on time and I tapped my foot impatiently as we waited after the nurse took all my vitals.
“What’s wrong baby?” He asked, looking at me warily because I had my no nonsense face on.
“That nurse said I was looking more and more pregnant every time!!!” I shouted. “The bitch.”
He struggled not to laugh with the worst timing ever. “Well you are starting to show love.” He commented like a jerk.
“Fuck you.” I narrowed my eyes since okay I was starting to show but he was making me feel fat. And I wasn't fat. Or at least not yet.
“Later.” He winked and right before I was about to snap back at him Dr. Morrison came in.
“Violet, Jake, nice to see you.” She grinned and I instantly put my happy face back on. “16 weeks! How do you feel?”
“Glad that I'm not nauseous anymore.” I admitted.
The doctor laughed lightly. “Yes I get that a lot.” She nodded, squeezing a tube of white gel onto my tiny tummy bump. “Now are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby now?”
“Yes!” We both agreed eagerly.
“Great! Sometimes if the baby is positioned correctly 16 weeks is long enough to find out so let’s see.” She rubbed the sonogram against me and I jumped a little.
“Cold.” I grinned and Jake squeezed my hand as the sight of our bean came on the screen.
“Oh god Jake look.” I squeezed his hand back and the doctor watched the screen for a few moments.
“It looks like the heartbeat is normal, everything looks good….the baby seems to be in a strange position but….oh there it is!”
“There what is?” He asked, looking suddenly scared but Dr. Morrison just pointed.
“Well there he is I guess I should say.” She grinned.
“It’s a boy?!” He asked, going pale.
“It’s a boy.” She agreed. “Congratulations.”
"Thanks." I heard Jake say while I just blinked.
"Oh my god, a boy." I whispered, the information hitting me hard. A little Jake. I was in trouble because I was going to love that little bear just as much as I loved my big one.
The doctor stared at me, raising one eyebrow at me, "Are you okay Violet? You're a little pale."
I swallowed and nodded quickly, "Yes, just a little dizzy." I admitted but then took a deep breath and broke into a huge smile. "I'm fine."
"I suggest you to eat something as soon as you're out of here, to absorb the news better." She smiled back at me, pressing a button on the keyboard and producing a piece of paper as big as a polaroid, giving it to Jake before wiping my stomach clean. "Your baby is perfectly fine, you'll have to come back here in a few weeks, I'll make sure your appointment will be taken by my assistant." She went on since none of us was talking.
I was too busy looking at my Jakey, who was too busy staring wide eyed the first picture of our baby. This was crazy, never ever in my life I had thought I would've gotten to this point so young, it was such a miracle that my life was so perfect, not even dreams ever felt this good. "Thank you." I managed to say and got up in a sitting position.
"I'll see you soon." She offered a warm smile and even shot Jake an amused expression as he kept quiet, as if he had swallowed his tongue.
"Thank you again, bye." I said as I practically dragged my boyfriend out of the room. "Earth to Jake, are you here?"
He finally turned his head in my direction and blinked his gorgeous eyes. "Kind of!" He said quietly.
I let out a small laugh, feeling giddy for the excitement. "Can I take a look at our little Jackson too?" I asked as I peeked at the picture which was more like a black and white mess, but if you looked better you could see the shape of our bean. "Is he as handsome as his dad already?"
“He’s so tiny.” Jake said looking wide eyed at me.
“Yes he fits in my tummy here.” I grinned setting my hands on my still quite small stomach. I had to admit it took me a while to realize that I actually had a baby growing inside of me, it was nature, and it was also super weird.
“I'm a dad.” He said looking straight ahead of him which only meant one thing.
“Yes.” I nodded, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “Are you freaking out a little?”
“I don’t know how to be a dad Vi.” He said seriously, running his free hand through his hair. “I'm a terrible example.”
“No you’re not.” I said with a hint more seriousness in my tone.
“Vi-“ He started but I put my hand up to his mouth.
“We’ve both done shit that we both hope bean never does Jake, but that doesn’t make us bad parents. Plus we’ve learned from our mistakes.” I explained, guessing that no one really know how to be a parent unless you were one already, no baby came with instructions, but if you were a good loving person you'd just learn. Or at least I hoped so.
“Jackson.” He corrected.
“What about him?”
“We don’t need to call him bean anymore. We know he’s Jackson.” He pointed out and I took that moment to jump and make a little squeaking sound. “What?!”
“Oh my god Jake he moved!” I exclaimed even though it wasn't exactly moving, more like...quickening. “He moved and I felt it!!”
He grinned. “He must like his name.” He smiled wide. “Did it feel weird?”
“It did. But wonderful.” I explained, so excited I could die. “Like popcorn popping.”
He laughed and cupped my face, kissing me hard on the lips. “Let's go shopping.” I offered.
“What?” I looked at him, wondering if he’d lost his mind.
“We know it’s a boy we can go buy boy things now!”
I raised one eyebrow and shot him an amused expression since Jake and shopping were two words I never put in the same sentence unless it was Jake hates shopping. "Boy things?" I echoed his words.
He shrugged, looking adorable, "You know, all those tiny onesies..." He trailed off, moving his hands and making a weird but super cute movement as if he was trying to explain himself.
"We'll have to buy a bear one too. With ears and everything." I grinned as I pictured a baby Jake dressed up as a bear. Cutest thing ever.
"We're having a baby bear." He smirked at me from ear to ear, his happiness and proud showing on his handsome face, "Jax the baby bear."
I broke into a laugh, "That sounds so silly. And so adorable." I sighed, kind of impatient to have my baby in my arms but also terrified. My mood swings had gotten better but I was still torn between been on cloud nine and scared to death. "We need to finish his room first though." I added as an afterthought since we couldn't buy clothes if we didn't have where to put them.
"I don't know if we'll be able to." He said slowly and it was no mystery that if it had been up to him only? We would've moved. But I wanted to stay in our apartment, at least for now.
"I already threw away tons of stuff." I waved my hand in the air as if it was nothing, even though it had cost me a lot to part from my beloved clothes.
"Even your shoes?" He asked wide eyed, looking both skeptical and shocked.
I pursed my lips together, considering to tell him a white lie...but it'd be a lie anyway and I didn't lie to him. Ever. "I sent two huge boxes to my parents." I admitted eventually.
"Vi!" He shook his head and sighed, "Did you tell them about the baby too?"
"Not yet." I said hurriedly before changing the subject, "I think I want the room a light baby blue and white with cute bears painted on the walls."
“Good subject change Vi but I'm not buying any Winnie the Pooh stencils until you tell your family that we’re having a baby.”
My whole body language changed and I ran my hand through my long hair. God I needed to learn how to keep my mouth shut. “You’re right we should go shopping. I need makeup.” I replied in a cold voice, because I hated when he forced me talking about things I didn't want to talk about. It was okay sometimes, but not always, it was annoying instead.
“For what?” He played along with my game and I shot him a look.
“To fix the bags under my eyes!”
He shook his head. “Good idea let’s do it.” He challenged me with the worst timing ever. I glared at him and he took a step closer, pressing his finger against my forehead. “You should get some cream for the all wrinkles you’ll get from glaring so much too.”
“Do you want to be slapped? Is that what you want?” I asked, ready to fight.
He totally closed the distance between us, tilting my head up with his finger on my chin. “Your parents can’t say anything, ANYTHING that is going to make having this baby less special. They can’t say anything that will make you a bad mother, they can’t say anything that will make our baby less than perfect. The worst they can be is happy because then we’ll have to see them more.” He added and my face softened. I would rather ignore them still, but I knew I couldn't.
“I don’t want them to disappoint Jackson too.” I said finally in a whisper.
“That’s up to them baby. They still get to know.”
I processed his words and nodded eventually. "I'll send him an e-mail." I shrugged nonchalantly, the idea sounding amazing to me.
"Vi, no." Jake groaned as he rolled his eyes.
"They still get to know." I said with a fake innocent face a I used his own words against him.
"Do whatever you want Vi but I'm telling you, the longer you avoid the problem the worse is going to get." He said with a brow raised and an expression that said I'm Mr Wise pants you better do what I say. Meh in his face. His handsome face, but still.
"God, fine Jake!" I grumbled, my baby high ruined totally. What was new? Jake the ruined, that was his name. "I'll talk to them."
He ignored my mood completely as a smug grin appeared on his lips, "Good girl. I can come with you."
I shook my head, "Nope, I'm going alone." I said flatly since it was a pain enough to see my parents, but it was even worse when they treated Jake like a worthless idiot. It pissed me off because no one could say anything bad about my amazing man, except for maybe myself. But that was another story.
"Why? It's our baby Vi." He reasoned out loud, looking at me as if I was talking nonsense.
I shrugged again, set on doing it my way. "I need to do it alone. If they'll take the news in the right way we'll go visit together another time."
"But you're pregnant-" He stared but I cut him off with a glare.
"I'm pregnant so what? I can still do everything, I'm not a fat whale who can't even walk yet." I snapped since today it was one of those days when I felt full of energies. There were others when I didn't even leave the bed, but I suspected that was a lot about being lazy and not about being pregnant.
At that he let out a small chuckle, "You'll never be a fat whale crazy woman." He grinned at me, less smarty pants and more Jakey bear.
"We'll see." I smirked back at him before taking advantage of the moment and going on with my plan, "I can go by train and we can meet at your parents at night when I'll let your mom spoil me and then we can go back home by car. Your car."
"Since when you like planning so much?" He raised one eyebrow at me slowly, not used to hear me talk like this. I usually just went with the flow.
"Since I'm a mama bear" I sighed before chuckling like an idiot.
“I'm still going with you.” Jake replied after I’d stopped laughing at myself.
“No.” I narrowed my eyes.
“Sorry babe but you’re not going to convince me to do that alone.”
I folded my arms across my chest and stopped in front of him. “I don’t want you to be there.”
Her ran his tongue over his lips and then reached for my waist, pulling me flush against him and tangling his hands in my hair. “There is no “I” when it comes to the baby boy inside of you Violet. It’s always we. Always us. No matter how awful or annoying it would be, even you decide some day you don’t want to be with me anymore, when it comes to Jackson, it’s always we.”
I blinked at him and then threw my head into his hard chest. I hated when he was so right, when he used the right words...he was really an amazing man. “Jake I’ll never not want to be with you. Ever.” I said muffled against his shirt.
He held me tighter and smiled, kissing the top of my head. “Well that will make it much easier so I'm happy.”
“You’re not holding me hard enough.” I pouted, feeling vulnerable because I needed him so much, as he lowered his head to my ear.
“If I was to get closer we’d be a few seconds away from giving a show to the rest of the people on the street.”
“So, good for them.”
“So are you going to let me come with you happily or angrily?” He asked, ignoring my last statement and knowing that lately I’d want him and two seconds later not want him at all.
"Happily, I guess." I sighed, relaxing into his strong arms and breathing steadily as I focused on how good he smelt, how safe I felt into his hold.
He pulled his head back to peek down at me, an amused expression on his handsome face, "You guess?"
I set my chin on her chest, staring up into his eyes, "Do I really have any choice?" I asked back.
His lips curved upwards into a smirk, "You do, I just gave you one."
I rolled my eyes, since he was just being a smarta.ss. "If I let you come me with angrily it would only make things worse."
"My girl's becoming so wise." He said as he faked a straight face before breaking into a smug grin, always pleased when I gave up. Which was basically always, damn him.
"So wise I think I deserve a prize." I grinned at him since I knew that arguing would bring to nothing. Being silly with him, instead, would make us both happy and that what I always wanted.
"Isn't going shopping with me a prize already?" He smirked back at me, his arms still wrapped tightly around me.
"That's the prize for Jackson, not for me." I said and as our baby's name slid out of my lips I felt myself smile wide. Now our baby bear had a name too, it couldn't feel more real than this...it was crazy weird and crazy amazing.
He let out a soft chuckle, "What do you want baby?" He asked as his smile mirrored mine.
"You being my slave for 24 hours." I said seriously, but he laughed instead.
"I'm already your slave."
I grinned like a silly girl then pulled away, reaching for his hand and tangling my fingers with his. "I love how that sounds."