fall in love you and I, can't afford to waste our time

From: Eva
Sent: November 12th, 2014. 10:38 AM
To: Nolan
Subject: Sleepyhead

Dear Nolan,
why aren't you answering your damn phone? Oh right, it's way past midnight where you are. I'm sorry I slept in and missed your call, but I was really exhausted and I have the feeling that I won't have many mornings when I'll be able to sleep in. Right now I'm picturing you hald naked laying in your bed, with your mouth slightly open, having naughty dreams about me...let me know if I was right.

My first day in Paris was real busy, after landing I hurried to the place I'll be staying for the next month, and from where I'm writing now, and finaly met the man who had sent me emails in an awful english during the last two weeks. My landlord. Oh if only you could meet him...you'd get charmed by his smell of garlic! The clichès about French people are true so far. Anyway, he's a nice man after all and the studio (that's how they call small apartments here, don't ask me why) is lovely. It's really small, with one bathroom, one room which is both kitchen and livingroom, and there's a mezzanine too where my bed is. If I stand straight I hit almost hit my my head against the ceiling, once again my thoughts go back to you, and I think how you wouldn't be able to f.uck me standing while I'm on all four, because you're taller than me. You'll never come visit me though, so that's not a problem. But it's too bad, really, the neighborood is full of men, I was impressed by how many of them crowd the streets aboud my apartment, perdon, studio. They'd love you a lot, and they'd try to steal you from me. Jokes aside, being surrpunded by the gay comunity makes me feel safe for some reason, I won't have to worry about French men being creeps and hitting on me while I go back home.
I better go now, I have my first class in a few hours and I'm still clueless about where I'm supposed to go. Wish me good luck and call me when you wake up.

Kisses,
Eva

Attachment: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb9emgqk6i1rqumi5o1_500.jpg

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 12th, 2014. 6:04 AM
To: Eva
Subject: Re: Sleepyhead

Hey babe,
How dare you miss my call woman. The spank tally is up to 12 now... Your ass will be sore when you get home ;) By now your first day is probably long over. How'd it go? Was the teacher a real douche? I always hear bad things about chefs, but maybe pastry chefs are in a whole league of their own. Don't worry, I'll still like you when you become a famous chef with hardly any time left for us peasants. Ha. All joking aside though, I just woke up and don't have the energy to drag myself out of bed yet. My beds been lonely without you. I'm hoping that time speeds by because I miss your gorgeous face. By the way, "kisses"?? You kill me. Will you be able to Skype tonight? I feel like a teenage girl writing to a pen pal.

Nolan

ps. My mom keeps asking about you and how you're doing so I'm guessing she really liked you. I told you that you had nothing to worry about :)
pps. send more pics. preferably nudes... they might give me the strength to get up and take a shower ;)

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From: Eva
Sent: November 12th, 2014. 7:48 PM
To: Nolan
Subject: pen pal

Hi tiger,
I just got home and tried to call you again, but again no answer. It took me a huge effort to realize that there where you are it's only about 11 AM. What are you doing? Are you at work? Did you take the day off because you miss me too much to function? Or maybe you're out doing the manly things you talked me about. I wish I could do my manly man right now instead. And yes, I'm frowning while I'm writing this, because I miss your handsome face.
My first day was intense, we're going to study history of pastry for the first three days (I was like, really? -.-) which sounds like a jobe but, unfortunately, it's not. The man who's teaching us is a short obnoxious man and I already risked to be kicked out once. I'm not even sure he's a chef, but he's definitel a d.ouche. Ah, this feels like high school all over again, where's my boyfriend when I want to sneak out of class to meet him and kiss him against a wall? Anyway, the real pastry chef will start his lessons with us on Thrusday and I'm super excited. I really want to become a famous chef but don't worry, I'll always make time for you, you're the topping on the cake of my life...which kind of sound dirty, right? I'll try to stay up as long as I can, I really want to Skype and with that I mean see you naked on my laptop.

Eva

ps: I'm glad she liked me, she's lovely. Tell her I say hi and thank her for giving you life. I'm kidding! Don't tell her that. Only that I say hi :)
pps: http://www.buschleaguesports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/libraries-irina-shayk-hot-girl-hd-430000.jpg your turn

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 12th, 2014. 6:24 PM
To: Eva
Subject: Re: pen pal

Hey gorgeous,
Sorry about missing your call earlier. Again. I wish I could say that I was out doing all those manly things I told you about, but unfortunately I was in meetings back to back all day. I had to do the same presentation about five different times. I'm exhausted now, just got home.... and guess what? You're not waiting for me in my bed :( Looks like I'll be staying home tonight, missing you so much that I can't even function ;)
Your teacher sounds terrible, but I'm sure you will be able to stand him for a few more days. I believe in you. Your next teacher though... hopefully they'll be better and will transform my girl into a famous chef. I kind of like the sound of me being the topping on the cake of your life. It's a bit of a mouthful to say, but its making me think of your naked body covered in frosting and me licking it off of you... or vice versa. Maybe both. By the way, you should see the new HR girl. She looks like she's still in college and I don't mean that in a good way. They didn't do a good job replacing you, but I can't really blame them.

Nolan

ps. I'm glad she liked you too... you're a hard person to read and I wasn't sure she would. Ha. All joking aside, I'll tell her you said hi.
pps. Dear god. I now know what I plan on doing for the rest of the night and that picture will be included.
ppps. http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/35900000/Jamie-Dornan-jamie-dornan-35960403-500-666.jpg

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From: Eva
Sent: November 15th, 2014. 10:57 AM
To: Nolan
Subject: rise and shine

Goodmorning baby,
more likely goodnight. But I think that you'll read this e-mail in the morning so it works...anyway. Hi. I miss you.
I'm happy we finally managed to Skype and I'm sorry if I wasn't in a great talking mood but I was really exhausted. I hope you enjoyed the show though, I enjoyed mine for sure :3 As you said once, there's nothing like the real thing...unfortunately I have to settle for a laptop screen. Are you losing weight? You looked a little thinner than last time I saw you in the flesh, still super hot though.
What I forgot to tell you face to face I'm going to tell you now. First of all: I met the other chefs and they seemed all better than the first one, there's one, Alain, who could be my dad and he scares me because he's so strict (also really good so that's why I'm liking him anyway) and another, Sebastien, who's even good looking! A good looking french pastry chef who doesn't smell like garlic! Can you believe that?! I was shocked, my next thought was that you should become a chef yourself and making classes, all the girls would come to your courses and you'd get super rich in a heartbeat. Think about it.
I don't know how I feel about the new HR girl, the first thing that came to my mind was "How does she dare to take my place.", then I remembered it's not my place anymore. I guess it's hard to let go of your past just like it's hard starting over. I'm not going to lie, this first week has been thrilling, I'm loving Paris, but now it's the weekend and I know no one and the thought of doing nothing and be alone is kind of sad. Enough complaining, my goal for the next week will be: become the most popular girl of the school ;)

Eva

ps: Did you hear from my parents? I call my mom who's still furious I'm in Paris and she told me she'd invite you over for dinner one of these nights. You don't have to go...if you go, good luck.
pps: I bought a tiny striped sweater for your sister, she'll look like a tiny cute Parisienne.
ppps: I'm planning to print that picture life size and hang it in my room. You're really hot Mr Reese.

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 16th, 2014. 11:34 AM
To: Eva
Subject: Re: rise and shine

Hi babe,
I think that's the first time you've called me baby and you know what? I approve :3 Anyways, sorry I didn't get back sooner... these manly activities I told you about come with repercussions and I'm definitely not feeling as young as I once was. I went out with a few people from work and you know what? They really are as bad as we originally expected. I'm probably going to spend all day in bed, but it's Sunday and still pretty early so I'm going to give you a call after I send this. My voice will be all groggy and turn you on though, so maybe it'd be a better idea to Skype.
If things don't work out for me at Apple, maybe I'll take up becoming a celebrity chef. Better yet, I could retire young and have my girl be my own personal chef... that sounds like a much better idea to me. As long as you don't fall in love with one of your teachers and leave me to live in Paris. I do know how you love chain smoking and bread. You'd fit right in ;)
I miss you too. Your mom called yesterday when I was out and I haven't returned her call yet. A one on one... technically one on two... with your parents sounds kind of frightening. Then again, your dad has been sending me e-mails lately. He must've added me to his friends list because I keep getting chain mails from him. Who knew he had such a sense of humor. Does that make me his bestie?
No one could ever take your place and Taylor is your polar opposite; all blonde and bubbly. You'd hate her, but she's really not so bad. The guys are all drooling over her and I have a bet going with that idiot James that he can't sleep with her. Looks like I'll be a hundred dollars richer in a few days. So have you made any friends? Who am I kidding, you're probably already Miss Popular already.

Nolan

ps. My sister will look adorable I'm sure :3
pps. You should see the wallpaper on my phone :D

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From: Eva
Sent: November 16th, 2014. 11:57 PM
To: Nolan
Subject: bed and cuddles

Hi tiger,
do you like that I call tiger too or should I stick to baby only?
I hope your manly activities will make you look even more manly when I'll see you again, even if you don't really need that. You're already manly (and hot) enough. Speacking of people who aren't manly at all instead, didn't you have even a little fun with those hideous people I once worked with? They did seem bad, but I was hoping my boyfriend had a nice night anyway.
I loved hearing your groggy voice, because it was really sexy, it wasn't as sexy that you decided to cut our call short because you were still sleepy...I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that it was cute and in all honesty I wish I could be with you in bed, cuddling.
Tomorrow is my first day of the second week here and I really hope it goes even better than the first, I need to socialize, or I'd start to feel like an old woman who stays home the whole weekend, knitting. In case you're woundering, yes, I'm really knitting because it relazes me, but no I didn't actually stay home the whole time. I explored a little more of my neighborhood, discovered a gay bakery where I bought bread to eat after smoking one million cigarettes (you really know me Mr Reese :3), and I went to the movies. French movies suck, just for your information, but it was a good sign that I could understand most of it. My mom would be proud that I still know French...let me know if you decide to go to my parents, not because I think you have to, but because if you go I'm sure you'll have some funny thing to tell me, mostly if now you and my dad are besties *shudders*
I think you'd fit just fine here, you'd love the Paris mood, the food, the cafes, how everything is in a way more relaxed than back home. You'd mostly like being with me again, there's no way I'd ever leave you for anyone, not even a sexy French pastry chef...wait...now that I think about it...no, I'm just kidding ;)
Can I bet that James will sleep with Taylor instead? If he's an idiot and she is too, they'd made the perfect match. I know you said she's not that bad but for me blonde and bubbly sounds bad enough already. As you can see I'm the usual judgemental bitch. Aren't you happy that I'm not changing? :3
I'm going to sleep now...I need energy, because tomorrow's the day I'll make macarons, and friends.
I miss you baby.

Eva

ps: maybe I should get you a matching one and you can go around with a baguette and pretend you're French :3
pps: is it me? :o

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 20th, 2014. 4:57 PM
To: Eva
Subject: (No subject)

Hey babe,
I have dinner plans with your parents tonight, so wish me luck. I was planning on saying no, that I had a project to work on (which technically I do) but your mom sounded different... lonely or sad. I think she misses you. Regardless, I felt bad and the next thing I knew I was asking her what time I should be over for dinner. Is this what feelings feel like? You've changed me ;)
So how are things going at school? Have you made any other friends besides the girl who always smells like cake? Honestly, there's nothing wrong with smelling like cake 24/7. She sounds like a winner to me. Speaking of which, I won the bet. Taylor told James that she was a lesbian. She's not, but he's given up. Easiest money I've ever made. Since you bet against me, what else have I won? I'll accept payment in the form of tasteful nudes. Hell, I'll even accept tasteless nudes. My arm is getting stronger and stronger as the days pass and it's not because of the gym... I have been hitting up the gym a lot more though. Not having you around leaves me with all this free time that I barely know what to do with myself. Ha. What do you do in your free time? You never even told me how the school thing works. Do you go every day, all day? Is it only a few times a week? Man, I must be the worlds worst boyfriend for not asking sooner.
Well I am off work, but I'll try calling you before I go to bed. Miss you babe.

Nolan

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From: Eva
Sent: November 22nd, 2014. 1:33 PM
To: Nolan
Subject: headache

Hi handsome boyfriend of mine,
how did dinner go? You didn't tell me over the phone and I forgot to ask...but I heard from my mom that you've been really nice and fun (her words, not mine). What else there is to know? Should I get worried? Just kidding. I'm glad you went, and to answer your question, even if it wasn't really a question, I don't think my mom is sad because she misses me, I mean sure she does too, but I think she's still upset for the choice I made. She'll get over it anyway. And about you changing...no. I think you're still the same, only there are parts of you no one got to see :)
Now, school. First of all, you're not a bad boyfriend for that, you are because you won't visit me. Okay I know, I'm busy you're busy, blah blah. No, really, you're a good boyfriend instead and it's okay if you didn't ask about school before. I go there from Monday to Friday, from 8:30 to 18:30 and now things are starting to get real hard. Really yummy too. I'm glad with the decision I took and I'm really having a great time, I'm happy, and I even made a few more friends. Another girl who's from Australia and she's the craziest person I've ever met, and a bunch of guys from haute cuisine course. We met him during the lunch break...can you believe that?! I swear, I'm back to high school. They're really nice though, I suspect that most of them are gay, and we all go out together yesterday night in this very nice bistrot then wandered around the city, discovering places that only real Parisians know. It was amazing and I couldn't help thinking that I wished you were with me, seeing the same things I did. Confession time: I drank a little too much, that's why the subject is headache. About free time...I don't have much left, I use it to call my boyfriend, take walks, work out, study, and now I guess I'll share it with my new friends too. I'm glad I met them, I was starting to feel alone.
I'm going back to bed and I'll call you as soon as I woke up.
I miss you too, like always.

Eva

ps: I hate losing :( https://33.media.tumblr.com/0eca7c77c044b7040b4c6ac275d40e17/tumblr_mjnzexjkW11qfmor9o1_1280.jpg

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 22nd, 2014. 12:45 PM
To: Eva
Subject: Re: headache

Good afternoon gorgeous... or more like good evening. I'm never going to get used to these time differences. Actually, I probably will just about the time you're finishing up and heading back home. Dinner wasn't too bad, not much to tell. Your mom did most of the talking, surprise surprise. She invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner, but I had to decline since my parents are throwing a huge dinner party. I wish you could come. I already know it's going to be horrible with all of Jack's pretentious business friends.
That is a long ass day of baking school. I bet you'll smell delicious, like cake, when you get back. You do know that I'm going to expect you to cook and bake for me all the time now, right? :3 I'm glad you're making friends babe. Before you know it, you're going to have a whole gay posse. I'm proud of you :3 Do you want to Skype before you go to bed or are you too hungover to talk? ;)

Nolan

ps. UGH.

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From: Eva
Sent: November 24th, 2014. 1:03 PM
To: Nolan
Subject: fml

Hi baby. I'm in one of my moods today and I bet you'd hate it, but here I am, alone during my lunch break, hiding into a cafè and eating a f.ucking quiche lorraine. I'm sorry if I'm sending my bad mood to the other side of the ocean and to you too, but I oddly found myself wanting to talk to my boyfriend and no one else. If you're wondering why I'm not oh so happy anymore...well, I can't tell. I'm not sure, nothing special happened, so I guess I'm just moody? You know how I get sometimes. School's going good today, they told us we're having a test on friday and guess what? We'll have to bake something we'll know only on that day, with no recipe. In two hours. I'm not going to lie, I'm worried. Wish me good luck.
I'm glad dinner wasn't bad and no, I'm not surprised she did all the talking. That woman doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut, I'm sure my dad was in the same pain you were though. I wish I could spend thanksgiving with you and all the awful people too, because we'd isolate in a corner, drink, eat, and talk behind their back. I'll do nothing instead, because there's no thanksgiving here of course...I was thinking to cook a big fat turkey anyway and invite some friends over, not more than 5 though because of my tiny studio. Meh. I'm getting used to the french life and I can't believe two weeks passed already. They're flying, which is a good sign...but I really miss you. In all honesty you're the only thing I'm missing. I can't wait to see you again and cook and bake for you, because you're my favorite.
I'll call you as soon as I get back home, please answer, I want to hear your sexy voice.

Eva

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 25th, 2014. 3:45 PM
To: Eva
Subject: (No subject)

Hey babe. It was good to finally talk to you yesterday... for more than five minutes that is. It's been hard since you're always in class or I'm at work. Time is definitely not on our side. The month is almost over though; just a few more months and you'll be back in my arms. I can't wait until you're back. You sounded so upset yesterday. Your mom mentioned that she wanted to send you a care package, but I told her that you'd make it back home before it'd ever get to Paris and she vetoed that idea :3 Sorry.
So your place can only hold five people? I guess that's not too bad. Are you planning on cooking a big meal? You're lucky you're getting out of coming to Thanksgiving with my family. I didn't even go last year. I think I spent the night at your place now that I think about it.... Well, we fuc,ked and then you kicked me out afterwards. We've come a long way, haven't we? ;)
I have this huge fu.cking project I need to have finished by next Monday and with the holidays around, it looks like I won't be sleeping much for the next few days. I'm exhausted. Anything new with you?

Nolan

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From: Eva
Sent: November 26th, 2014. 7:03 PM
To: Nolan
Subject: I need to talk to you

Baby, why aren't you answering to your phone? Don't you work for Apple? Don't they teach you the importance of your iPhone? You're right, the time difference sucks, our timing being the worst ever sucks too and not having you here sucks the most. I'm trying to write a decent answer to your previous email but I'm really...nervous. Okay, I can do this. I'm taking a deep breath.
Tomorrow I'm having this thanksgiving thing and yes I'm going to cook a big meal, you know how I get when I cook. I remember how we spent thanksgiving last year and I'm sorry if I kicked you out, but just so you know, the sex had been great so thank you :3 But I'm sure you knew that already or we wouldn't have gotten to the point we are now...well, not thanks to sex only, other stuff too.
How is your project going? What is it about? Tell me more, I'm curious. I know you can do it, because you're my smart and amazing man. Don't stress too much. And thank you for dealing with my mother, that means a lot to me. I don't know why I thought about my mother just after talking about stress...go figure.
Now, the hard part. I wish I could tell you this by phone but you're still not answering and if I don't tell you now I'll go crazy. At the school they offered us to work for a few patisseries after our course it's done, it would be during the holidays and of course it'd be a great opportunity. I mean, I'd be the slave of some famous pastry chef, but even if I only had to clean the kitchen I'd be happy anyway. It'd be a dream for me. But. I have a boyfriend who's currently on the wrong side of the ocean, who I haven't seen for two weeks now and I already miss a lot...I know we've been in a relationship long before we made it official, but to me it feels like we just got together too. Does it make sense to you? It's hard for me telling you this because in all honesty I'm afriad to fuck up and I really don't want that. I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts in words because I'm really agitated...my point is, I don't know if I can stay until the new year without you. And I don't know if I want to spend the holidays without you either. No, correction, I know I don't want that. I think that if you don't want or can't come here to visit for a few days I'm going to turn down the offer. Call me as soon as you read this, please. For the first time in my life I need someone other than me, and that's you Mr Reese.

Eva

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From: Nolan
Sent: November 26th, 2014. 10:34 AM
To: Eva
Subject: Re: I need to talk to you

I've been rereading your e-mail for the past 20 minutes and I feel at a loss for words since it's not often that you show your vulnerable side. I can't call you back until my lunch break at noon, but god Eva... another month? As much as I want you back home, I'd feel like an ass for telling you not to take that opportunity. Honestly, one more month wouldn't even be that bad, look how fast time is going by now. But on the other hand, I miss you too and I can't imagine making you spend the holidays alone in France. I don't know. This is your decision and no matter what, I'm going to stand by it 100%.

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From: Eva
Sent: November 27th, 2014. 1:13 AM
To: Nolan
Subject: Re: Re: I need to talk to you

I'm waiting for you to call me. And for you to answer your phone. I don't know what happened, but I think your phone died. I can't sleep anyway, I have too much on my mind, as you can imagine.
I think I read your email one million times now, and the more I read it, the more confused I get. Thank you for being so supportive, but I don't know if that's enough for me to take a decision. Time flies as you said, but we've been through two weeks now and we'd still have 6 more. Three times the ones we've already been through. It sounds like a very long time to me. Also, you didn't even mention the possibility of you coming here around the holidays, so I guess it's not a possibility. I don't know what to do at this point. Maybe I should drink a camomile and sleep.

Eva

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November 28th, 2014. 1:33 AM

My phone started ringing while I was finishing rinsing the dishes, a curse coming out of my mouth as I wiped my hands on the closer dishcloth but I wasn't fast enough, the call going straight to my answering machine. I didn't need to check, I knew it was Nolan, so I called him back immediately.
"Hey," He answered and I let out a sigh.
"Hi baby," I said back, feeling both relieved and worried as I heard his voice.
"Where's your mind right now?" He asked.
"My mind's on you." I answered in one breath, probably the one I had been holding for the whole day. I had been wating for his call for so long, I got myself worried to the point I felt sick. It had never happened before and I didn't feel like myself at all.
"Tell me more about that." He said in a low warm voice.
I walked down the stairs that led me to the only room of my studio, then took a seat next to the large window after opening it. "Where are you?" I asked instead, wanting to picture him in my mind, as if that could help me to feel him closer.
"Why are you asking? Where are you instead?" He asked back.
I lit my cigarette, puffing the smoke out in the cold Paris night before talking. "Where do you think I am at night? I'm home baby." I answered eventually.
He waited a few seconds and I could tell he was thinking. "I'm still in my office." He paused once again, "Did I wake you?"
"No, I was waiting for your call." I shook my head as if he could see me, while I imagined him sitting in his chair, dressed in his work clothes looking as handsome as always. "I couldn't sleep anyway." I added, taking another drag.
"Tell me what you're thinking babe." He urged gently, his tone...weird. Serious, yet soft. I had never heard him talk like that, but considering the lack of serious talking in our relationship, it made sense.
I bought myself a few seconds, inhaling the smoke deeply, then letting it out mixed with my words as I clutched at my phone with my other hand. "I wonder what you're thinking instead. About me spending another month here...I know you already told me you're going to support my decision no matter what I do, and I think you know what I want to do too, but as I already told you I don't think I can do it if I can't see you at least for a few days." I explained, baring myself to him. Sure I got naked in front of him so many times, but this time it was another kind of nakedness. When I only heard him breathing on the other side of the phone and the world, I went on. "I know that you think I'll be too busy for you, but I won't. I mean yes, I will, but I won't work on Christmas and the day after, plus I'd have the weekend off too. I just really need to see you Nolan..." I trailed off, wondering how needy I was sounding at that point.
I heard him sigh while I waited impatiently and no matter how hard I was trying to convince myself this could work, I had a feeling that it wouldn't and things would't go my way. Call me pessimist, I only kept my feet planted on the ground instead. "I can't fly there for a weekend babe..." Nolan trailed off, causing a knot to start forming in my stomach.
"You can leave on Christmas Eve and then fly back on Sunday," I suggested, still trying to be reasonable about it.
"I'd have to be at work on Monday," He sighed and paused once again. "I wish I could make this work... but I honestly don't know how," He admitted finally.
I let his words sink in, trying not to jump to conclusions or get straight mad. But truth was? I was really upset, for many reasons. Because he couldn't come, because I had let myself hope to spend amazing days with my boyfriend in Paris, because now I felt like an idiot and one that still needed him. I didn't know what to do, but my first instinct was to take a distance. I didn't want to though. "It's okay." I heard myself say quietly as I smashed the butt of my cigarette into the ashtray, my eyes wandering to the rue where my apartment was and my chest tightening a little at the realization that Nolan wouldn't be part of that.
"I'm sorry babe." He added, sounding as if he didn't know what to say. I couldn't blame him, we hit a wall and I was as speechless as he was.
"Do you have a lot to work on?" I asked instead stretching my legs in front of me and nibbling at my bottom lip as I did my best to keep my feelings in check. I felt like a mess, like I could cry any moment. That wasn't me.
He let out a breath on the other side of the phone, "Yeah. You know how it gets around Christmas here and I'm hoping in a raise, I have a few new project to work on too so..yeah."
I nodded, as if he could see me. "It sounds like a lot." I pointed out, admiring how dedicated to his job he was and I couldn't blame him for putting that before a silly girlfriend who wanted him in Paris, his work ethic and ambitions were things I liked about him and after all I was the same, so I couldn't blame him for anything at all. But that didn't stop me from feeling sad and confused anyway. "You better go back to your job and I better go to bed. I'll text you when I wake up." I added, closing myself off and repeating to myself that a good night of sleep would take away all the doubts and confusion.
He sighed, "You're not mad at me, are you?" I asked slowly, needing to hear her say no.
"No..." I trailed off because I wasn't. It was nobody's fault, only the circumstances were to blame. "Just a little sad, but I'll be fine."
"You know that I'd fly to Paris right now to see you if it were possible, right?" He asked, sounding like he meant it.
I nodded, I believed him, only that didn't change a thing. Good intentions were worth nothing if they didn't lead anywhere. I guessed it was still better than nothing, I could have a boyfriend that didn't want to come instead of one that couldn't come. "I know." I answered quietly, finally getting up and closing the window.
"I'm sorry." He repeated and I didn't know if I was right, but he seemed slightly...worried? Annoyed? A mix of those? Maybe I was delirious and I really needed to sleep instead.
Walking up the stairs that led me to my bed, I wondered how much sleep I could get considering all I had on my mind. "It's okay Nolan, really. I'm not a kid, I understand the situation and I don't resent you for not being able to come here. Just like I know you would if you could." I said as I climbed into my bed, burying myself under the duvet and shivering how cold it was, "I'll have to decide if to stay or not." I added.
"I'm going to support you no matter what you decide." He said quickly from the other side of the phone.
That made me smile a little and feel a little better. It didn't make my decision any easier though. "Thank you Nolan." I paused then it hit me. The words were out of my mouth before I could process them. "I love you." I added, that realization giving a sense to everything. The sadness, the loneliness, all the feelings stirring in my chest lately were because I was in love with Nolan.
The line went dead, no sound coming from the other side of the phone. For a moment I considered the possibility that Nolan had died of shock. Did I wanted to hear the words back? No, not necessarily.
"I'll call you tomorrow when I wake up," I said, not missing a beat and doing the math.
"Are you going to bed babe?" He asked.
"Yeah... It's been a long day," I said with a strain in my voice.
"I love you," He said seriously, surprising me because at that point I was sure he wouldn't say that.
I parted my lips, speechless for a moment. Then I recovered and smiled to myself, a new kind of warmness spreading through my body. "I'll keep that in mind." I said eventually, a silly thing to say but it was true. Whenever things would be hard, now I had that thought giving me strenght.
I heard him let out a small laugh which left me imagining him smiling and looking impossibily handsome. "Good."
"I wish I could kiss you goodnight." I sighed, stirring in my bed as I tried to find a comfortable position.
"If we start with all the things we wish we could do to each other you we can go on until tomorrow morning." He said back and I heard the smirk in his tone. That was so him.
"Such a wise man you are Mr Reese." I smirked to myself, closing my eyes and trying to imagine him with me.
"Night babe." He said softly, his voice like velvet.
I let out a content sigh, knowing that for today we did a great job. I could worry about the rest tomorrow. "Night Nolan."