6.24.2014

tu étais formidable, j'étais fort minable

tu étais formidable, j'étais fort minable


I glanced at my watch as I walked into the bar, letting out a breath when I realized that I wasn't late really, my eyes scanning the place next and finding my best friend immediately. I headed in his direction, noticing how there was a waitress with him which was this close to throw herself at him. Tristan had that effect one women and I wasn't surprised.
"Is that your new girl?" I said with a grin, sliding into the booth across from him as she walked away, no longer within earshot from us.
Tristan lifted a brow and glanced at her, the way she swayed as she walked then tossed her head over her shoulder to make sure he was watching. He groaned and shook his head, "No. How are you? I think it's been weeks since we last spoke."
I ran a hand through my hair, knowing I was at fault and feeling beuinely sorry for neglecting my friend. "I know, have you been avoiding me?" I grinned.
"Not at all," He said honestly, "I've missed my boyfriend."
"You're lucky Cami didn't hear that or she'd get jealous," I joked, realizing how much I needed to spend time with my friend to make my life lighter.
He laughed and shook his head, "You're the lucky one instead. Cami's a good girl."
I nodded my head, since no one could ever argue about that. Everyone loved Cami. "I'm aware of that." I smirked at me friend, genuinely happy to see him since I had missed our bromance. I loved spending time with my family, but time for myself and for my best friend too was needed.
"So, how are things going?" He asked as he leaned back, his eyes on me and I noticed that there was something off about him. He seemed nervous, a look I rarely see on his face, and I'd make sure to dig on whatever that was about during the night.
"I couldn't be happier." I answered honestly, thinking about how everything in my life was close to perfection. Of course Gabe was still hard to handle and I was stressed because of the offer my mom had made me, then there was Chloe...but I knew that perfection didn't really exist in real life and I was grateful for everything good I had instead.
He let out a laugh that sounded a little forced, "Are you trying to get me jealous?" He joked, pausing when the waitress came back with his drink.
I ordered one for myself too and noticed how he didn't even spare her a glance. That was weird for Tristan. "Nah I'd doubt you'd like having to deal with a crazy six year old dealing with his parents getting back together." I smirked at him, knowing him well enough that the life I had wouldn't really be the kind he'd like. We were different and there was nothing wrong with that, we still managed to be close.
"You're right, it sounds hard." He said back with an eyebrow raised as he downed his drink in one sip. Either he was thirsty or he was on a mission to get at least tipsy as soon as possible. Of course he was a man and it would take him more than just two drinks, but still.
I shrugged, knowing that it was just a part of being a father. "It's okay, it's what I've always wanted...you know it." I smirked at him, remembering all the times when he'd tell me I should've gone back to Cami as soon as possible. It was crazy how all the people who loved me had seen things clear before I could.
"Then I'm happy for you," Tristan said sincerely.
I grinned back at him, "Because it means more girls for you now?"
He laughed and shook his head, "I've never had any problems with girls."
"So no new harem? No girlfriends for you?" I looked at him skeptically, knowing that he was happiest when I was sexually active. Every man was actually.
He let out a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders, looking nervous, "I've been busy with work and all that family drama..." He trailed off, looking drained.
I nodded, "I'm sorry about your aunt."
He forced another smile, "Thank you."
I nodded again, the moment feeling a little awkward because you never knew what to say in that circumstances. "So is that why you look so...off." I said slowly, not knowing how to say it, it sounding like a question yet it wasn't really.
He shrugged nonchalantly, playing it off like he always did, "Yeah, I mean, I'm not that close to my family and I'm sorry for my aunt, but it's not just that." He said, sounding like he was unsure of his words himself.
I caught with the corner of my eye the waitress approaching our table and I waited for her to set my drink in front of me before speaking again, "What else? Tell me about it." I suggested with a more genuine smile, knowing that Tristan was a closed off person but if there was someone he opened to that was me. Our was a honest relationship and that was why it worked so well dispire us being so different.
"Just my parents want to buy a summer house here." He said in a groan, rolling his eyes for full effect and looking genuinely annoyed.
I made a face, knowing that it was bad news for him. "Oh damn." I paused then offered a grin, attempting to make the moment lighter, "I'm moving to Cami's loft next weekend, you can hide in mine whenever you need."
"I might need to," Tristan grinned back at me, probably realizing just now what my words really meant. His brows shot up and he smiled genuinely at me, "Moving in together already?"
"Already? It's about time instead," I retorted and grinned since we had already waster years not being together.
"And you're happy?" He questioned, looking lost in a thought again and again looking so not him. It wasn't like he didn't have a brain or didn't use it, only he never seemed this serious, at least not when we were together. Things with him were always playful and light.
I nodded my head, "I am. What about you? You look..." I trailed off, searching for the right word.
"Off, I know," He said for me and sighed. "I-" He cut myself off while I gave hima blank stare. Now, he was acting weird.
"Just say what's on your mind," I said when he didn't go on, his behaviour so odd that I wondered if this had something to do with his health or it was a life or death matter.
"You're going to fucking hate me," He said instead and I laughed, even cocking an eyebrow as I realized that it wasn't anything as dramatic as I was imagining.
"Stop being a girl and say it."
"I slept with Chloe," He said finally, keeping his eyes on me.
I stared back at him as I felt my expression drop, his words feeling like a punch in my stomach or, even better, a stab in my back. "Please tell me you're kidding me." I managed to say slowly, my brain refusing to process what he had just said.
"I...no." He shook his head and I was surprised to see that he still had the nerve to stare into my face when he had just told me that had treated my sister like one of his b.itches. I had never judged Tristan or the way he decided to live his life, it was his choice and I was in no position to judge really since I hadn't been a saint either. He, of course, could do anything he wanted and we'd even joke about it, but now there was nothing to laugh about anymore.
I swallowed, feeling like screaming but sitting motionless instead. "I don't know what to tell you." I said eventually, one million thoughts in my head. Angry wouldn't even start covering how I felt, I felt also betrayed by my best friend, depressed by the thought that my sister was going to put a wedge between me and one of the people I cared the most about, I felt so many things together it was hard to focus on one thought only. I was in a situation where I could never win. One one hand I was mad at him because I knew he'd end up hurting my sister even if he didn't want to, so I felt like I had to stand by her side, but on the other I was furious with my sister for sleeping with him too and after what had happened with her I didn't even know if she deserved to have me protecting her. It sucked no matter how I looked at it and as the seconds passed I realized that not only I had lost any kind of relationship with my sister, but the one I had with my best friend was about to get ruined too because my sister was an awful bitch who couldn't keep her panties on with Tristan. It was a depressing thought. "You're such an fucking idiot." I said though it was the right word. Actually, I had always thought that he was smarter than this, I had no idea he'd put our friendship at risk just to be with a girl who would have be forgotten a week later.
His mouth fell open and he closed it again, leaving me waiting. "I know," Tristan said quietly while my eyes remained on him, still blank. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"Why am I sorry?" He asked while I shook my head.
"Why did you sleep with my sister?" I clarified, wishing there was any answer that could be a good one but knowing that no matter what he'd say the situation would still be a shitty one.
He shrugged his shoulders, "I like your sister. I like being around her."
I stared at him completely unimpressed. The last time I had heard him say that he liked a girl was...I didn't even know when. A long time ago. In my opinion it seemed odd and convenient that he liked my sister now. "After disliking her for months? Did you see her allure when you saw her naked?" I asked though it wasn't a question.
"Ben." He said back as his lips set in a straight line. "No, I got to talk to her more..." He trailed off, trying to give me an explanation that didn't seem to convince himself either and it would never convince me.
I shook my head, this time looking away and staring at nothing really as I felt my anger slipping away. I rarely got mad, anger was a feeling that I didn't know well, but I knew better disappointment instead, sadness even. "So what now? You like her so you're going to take her on dates? You'll get together with her?" I reasoned out loud, "Come on Tristan, I know you and how you treat girls. I'd never judge you for that, but why my sister? You could have had literally any girl. You knew from the moment you decided to make something happen that it wouldn't have ended well."
"Thank you for having such a low opinion of me," Tristan said flatly, making me realize that it was a low blow. Oh well. Fucking my sister had been one too.
I raised a brow at him, "Suddenly you like my sister and are boyfriend of the year? I doubt it."
He shook his head, "You know how I treat girls? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Seriously?" I looked back at him with an unreadable expression, "You were sleeping with three girls at once, denying that you were dating any of them. Can you blame me for wondering why Chloe?"
"Your sister is smart and gorgeous. Maybe she's a little too dramatic and sometimes insecure, but those things just make her real. Does it surprise you that I actually like being around her?"
"Yes it does." I retorted, getting annoyed now because he had to know why I was upset yet he acted like he didn't and he wasn't doing anything wrong. As I said, it was hard to piss me off and I thought that Chloe only could do that, apparently Tristan could too. Who knew, maybe they were really made for each other at this point. "Because you never liked her. And because the only way to make me think that whatever is going on between you and her is okay would be hear you say you'll start dating her but we both know it won't happen."
"Because of how I treat girls." He said back flatly, using my own words against me.
I shook my head, "I don't understand why you deny it. I used to be the same and I'm not even saying you should stop, if you're happy with that then I'm happy for you but now that my sister is in that equation too? I'm sorry but I can't be happy." I tried to explain myself, wondering if he really didn't see my point or he just didn't want to. Tristan was a smart man, he knew what was upsetting me. "If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? Can you seriously blame me for reacting like I am?" I asked, genuinely interested in his opinion. Maybe I was wrong, but I doubted it.
"No," Tristan admitted, shaking his head. "You have every right to be mad at me. I knew going into this that it couldn't end well."
I stared at him blankly again, because his ammission in a way made things worse, "But?"
He shrugged his shoulders, leaving me waiting though at this point I didn't really want to hear more. "I can't explain it, but there's an attraction between us," He said finally, after standing there like an idiot lost in his thoughts for an eternity. I groaned because his words sounded like there was nothing but sex between us, which didn't surprise me but didn't make me happy either. "I know that you're worried about your sister getting hurt and that she has been hurt in the past. But we're both so closed off, we aren't going to rush into anything. She's a strong woman and you have to give her the benefit of the doubt." He added when I didn't say anything.
I parted my lips and felt drained, I wanted to be anywhere but here with him having this conversation. "Are you asking for my permission to date my sister?" I asked point blank.
"I'm asking you to trust me," He replied.
I shook my head immediatly. I wondered how I could trust him after this, I wondered how we could have any relationship at all when now all I could see in front of me wasn't my best friend, but someone who was sleeping with my sister. "I don't know if I can do that and I'm sure I can't give you any answer now." I paused as I make an effort to be as reasonable as possible no matter how hard it was. "I'm too mad at you because I feel like you went behind my back and did the only thing you knew I could hardly forget. And you still did it, just like my sister did too. I would have expected it from her, but from you..." I trailed off and shook my head.
"You have nothing to worry about Ben, really. We're all grown up." He said as if to help me to think straight, but that only made me want to laugh. Chloe? Grown up? Ha. He was digging his own grave.
"I have plenty to worry about." I retorted, thinking about all the things I already had to think about, things about myself and my family, I didn't really need the extra drama. I didn't considered myself selfish, I was usually a good listener and cared about people, maybe it was time to take a break from that and focus on myself only. "Chloe already talked to me about you, only she didn't tell me it was you." I said slowly as I tried to recall her words and only getting more mad at that little hypocrite. "Even if I decided to trust you, which is already hard enough, I can't trust her. We already are in bad terms right now, I don't know if you know about it."
He shook his head and from the look on his face I knew he was being honest, "No, I didn't know."
"Well it wasn't pretty." I let out a sigh as I downed my drink, "When I came here tonight I thought I'd be free to talk to you about it, since you're my best friend, but now I can't do it anymore. I can't just pretend that nothing happened...so I guess I'll take a step back and be on my own for a while, maybe I'll get over it with time." I finished, realizing just now that I couldn't even look at him but was staring at the bottom of my glass. I was upset, like I hadn't been in a long time, all I wanted to do was going back home and cuddle my Cami to sleep to forget all of this.
Tristan sighed and ran a hand through his hair then set it back on the table, hands clasped together in front of him. "I hope you'll forgive me," He said next and looked vaguely amused I didn't know why.
"I hope so too," I said in a monotone voice, leaving it at that since I couldn't say more and couldn't predict the future.
"You can still talk to me about anything," He said next, trying to let me open up to him, something that usually worked just not today.
I shook my head slowly, rolling my empty glass between my hands. "I can't right now. You're still my best friend but I feel like I can tell you nothing instead. I'm not in the mood to share anything about my life with you because I'm too stuck on the thought of what you've done and what you'll keep doing." I said honestly since it was the least I could do. I felt as if he had betrayed me, I knew that maybe that was a little of an exaggeration, but I couldn't help it. I had a few friends, many acquaintances, but no one knew me as much as Tristan did, only Cami. The thought that it was all getting ruined for a girl was depressing, her being my sister making it all worse. Truth was I would have never expected a move like that from Tristan.
He parted his lips and closed them, repeating the motion a few times before words started coming out of his mouth again. "I'm sorry. I'm still here for you though, you know..." He trailed off as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
I nodded this time, not doubting for even a second that he meant that. The friendship I had with Tristan was a laid back one, it was fun, it was honest, we always found stuff to joke about while now everything seemed...heavy. No doubt my sister would take all the blame for that, I knew for sure that if she hadn't thrown herself multiple times at Tristan he wouldn't have made a move first. She was ridiculous and desperate and while I could make a giant effort to try to forgive my friend, and I wanted too, my sister wouldn't get the same treatment. "I know. It's better for me to keep my mouth shut now, I don't want to say things I could regret."
"I appreciate the honesty," Tristan replied and eyed my drink. "Do you want another or do you need to get back home?"
I opened my mouth and let out a sigh, "I can have another. I need it."
He cracked the smallest grin at me and motioned to the waitress that we wanted another round. I had no desire to smirk, talk or do anything really, but I guessed that I could try to go through another drink while facing Tristan. "You can't be mad at your sister forever," He said seriously and looked at me.
I stared at him, wondering if he had hit his head, hard. That would have explained a lot of things. "I'm sorry Tristan but you're in no position to tell me what to do." I said back without bothering to hide the annoyance in my tone. His grave was already pretty deep, yet he kept digging.
He raised one eyebrow just so slightly, "I'm not your friend anymore?"
"Right now you're the guy who's having sex with my sister." I answered in monotone, just a hint of bitterness in my voice. "I know I can't be mad at my sister forever, but I have a pretty long list of reasons to be mad at her so I can't really think about stopping anytime soon. You're just the last thing that happened and possibly the one that upsets me the most."
"It only happened once," Tristan retorted, missing my point completely.
"And you can't say it's not going to happen again which is saying something," I pointed out I thought that for him being the one at fault sure he was lacking in patience. I knew he was dying to groan and was tired of me being mad at him already.
"Am I supposed to apologize until you forgive me? Get on my knees and grovel for your forgiveness?" He sighed and shook his head, "I really am sorry Ben. I didn't plan for this to happen and I didn't plan to start liking your sister. It just happens. But that doesn't change who I am, it doesn't mean that I'm going to choose your sister over you or take her side whenever you two fight. You're still my best friend and if you can no longer be friends with me? Then yeah it hurts, but that's your choice."
"It was your choice to sleep with my sister, don't act like it just happened by itself." I retorted, not liking his attitude towards me. Was I now the one to blame? I didn't think so. "We're not 16 anymore, you're a grown up man and know how to keep it in your pants."
"But-" He started and I realized that I didn't want to hear more.
"I know." I cut him off, guessing pretty well where his thoughs were. "Truth is Tristan, right now nothing you can tell can make things better. You said you wouldn't choose her over me but it's going to happen, it's happening already. I love my sister, I really do, but you have no idea of what you're getting yourself into. You'll get caught between us just like I'll get caught between you two." I paused when the waitress reappeared again, setting the drink in front of me and three seconds later I had downed it already, "I'm still your friend, but I think that I need a while to let off some steam."
Travis nodded his head, "Fair enough," He replied and motioned the girl back over to ask for our bill. We sat there in silence until she brought the slip over and set it down in front of him while he handed her my card in exchange. That was a nice move from Tristan, not that it'd change a thing, but still. "Are you having any luck finding a new place?" He asked, changing the subject and reminding me how many things I would have liked to talk about with him while now I couldn't anymore.
I shook my head, "No. I'm staying with Cami for the time being."
He nodded his head while we waited for the waitress to bring him a copy to sign, "Let me know if you need help moving anything."
I let out a deep breath and nodded myself again, my mood heading for sadnessville. I guessed that in your life you could have only a few things goind well, so now that I have my family back together I didn't have my friend to talk about it. It had to be cosmic balance or something like that. "Sure, maybe when we'll find the right place."
He looked at me for a few seconds, looking conflicted, but talked eventually. "That sounded like something you'd say but wouldn't do." He said.
The waitress came back with Tristan's copy of the bill and while one one hand I was relieved at the thought of going back home it was also depressing because I had no idea of when I'd see my best friend again, or when things would go back to how they were. "It might take a while but yeah, I meant it." I said once the girl disappeared one more time and I got up. "Thanks for the drinks Trist. Have a good night." I said politely as I patted his shoulder, wondering if he was going to see my sister now, and with that thought I walked out.

184 comments:

  1. [*mourns over the loss of tren u.u* this was sad but so good :'(]

    i know that i've already said it a dozen times, but im sorry...

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  2. I wished you had nothing to be sorry for

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  3. I don't know what to say

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  4. I guess we won't talk for a while

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  5. if its what you want, i will respect it

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  6. it's probably the only thing to do

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  7. id rather you not be mad at me

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  8. do you want me to leave you alone?

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  9. i thought you wanted to not talk for a while

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  10. I'm trying here tristan

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  11. do you want to go to lunch tomorrow?

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  12. what are you and your dad going to do?

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  13. we're going to see a tennis match then lunch

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  14. youre not bringing gabe?

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  15. no, he's at the summer camp all day during the week

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  16. are you getting more free time with cami?

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  17. you live together now, it should be easier

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  18. it is but gabe is getting hard to handle

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  19. whys that? i wouldve thought hed be thrilled

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  20. he's acting a little weird

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  21. im sure hes happy, just confused by the changes

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  22. is it hard to have sex now that youre all under one roof? :3

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  23. not that hard. we just have to be quieter.

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  24. and make sure you always lock the door

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  25. you dont miss the single life?

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  26. I was single only because I couldn't have cami, not because I wanted to

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  27. i think you couldve always had her

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  28. you could have any woman you want

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  29. im not nearly as charming as you

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  30. nah, youre a lot nicer than i am

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  31. thats ridiculous and an overstatement

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  32. i think very highly of you

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  33. how was the tennis match?

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  34. was it fun spending time with your dad?

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  35. do you have plans for today?

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  36. not yet...I have to go pick gabe at the camp though

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  37. doesnt he stay overnight?

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  38. no...he comes home everyday

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  39. i didnt know that camps worked that way... i thought they stayed the night

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  40. he will when they'll go out of town

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  41. and what will you and cami do with a quiet apartment to yourselves? :3

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  42. do you think youll ever marry her?

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  43. youre a catch and cami would be lucky to marry you

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  44. you should know it by now instead

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  45. I don't want to take anything for granted

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  46. just relaxing. what about you?

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  47. I'm making breakfast for cami and gabe

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  48. i wish i had someone to make me breakfast

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  49. we can go get breakfast together on monday

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  50. what time did you want to meet up for breakfast?

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  51. I'm going to the agency

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  52. I forgot my book there

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  53. you forget it there a lot :3

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  54. is it easier now that you and cami live together?

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  55. in a way...yes. we don't have to go back and forth and we can take care of gabe together

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  56. he's getting used to it

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  57. eventually hes going to love it

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  58. it was good having breakfast with you yesterday

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  59. yeah :) we should do it again soon

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  60. yeah, or maybe go on a hike

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  61. do you have any shoots this week?

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  62. I have to go to london for two days

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  63. and youre complaining??

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  64. cami will have to do all alone

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  65. im sure she can manage two days on her own

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  66. wont it be nice to relax a little?

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  67. what are you up to lately?

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  68. just a lot of working out

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  69. relieves stress... keeps my head clear

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  70. are you stressed a lot?

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  71. eh, just a lot on my mind

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  72. I'd ask more but I don't want to hear about my sister

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  73. i havent seen her in a while

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  74. isnt that what you wanted?

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  75. I wanted nothing to happen but it's a little too late for that isnt it?

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  76. we cant change what happened

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  77. i feel bad for just ignoring her...

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  78. i dont know what to do...

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  79. you got yourself into this mess

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  80. i didnt think id start liking her

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  81. you wanted one night stand only you mean?

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  82. thats not what i said

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  83. did you sleep with her because you started liking her?

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  84. and when that happened? or how? did you talk to her a lot?

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  85. why are you suddenly so interested?

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  86. I'm not really. I'm hoping you could make sense to any of this because all I can think about is that you just f.ucked her

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  87. we were talking and then we went on a date before we had sex

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