I want you by my side, so that I never feel alone again

I want you by my side, so that I never feel alone again by sassy

Cami led Gabe through the last loft with her hand on his back, beside her me holding her other hand while the realtor explained everything she knew about the space. Honestly, it looked like the last two. Only worse and it costed a small fortune. "Is there a backyard?" Gabe wrinkled his nose while she eyed him curiously, making it known that she didn't like kids around while she did her job. "I want a backyard so I can play with my toys and have a pool like grandma does!"
"There is no space for a pool," She shook her head with a fake smile on her face. "But you can fit toys back there."
Cami shrugged at me as we walked towards the french doors that she pushed open, showing us a backyard that might fit the three of us. Standing. "My toys won't fit back here," Gabe pouted stubbornly.

I let go of her hand and picked him up, "Didn't you love the bedroom?"
"I didn't," He said in the same tone, still pouting. He was getting used to the idea od having his parents back together, but always found something to complain about. "I like my other house instead."
"Which one?" Cami smiled at him, her smile usually contagious to our little boy.
"Papas," He said and nuzzled my shoulder, setting his head on it and looking exhausted.
"Are you tired little man?" She ran a hand through his hair while the realtor checked her phone, probably wishing she was anywhere but with us right now.
"No," He replied but closed his eyes.
I shifted his weight to get a better grip on our boy, looking at her and then the woman who was still texting. "I think that will be it for today," I said and she looked up at us, almost looking shocked to find us still in the house.
She nodded her head, "I will continue looking for a three bedroom loft with a big backyard... possibly a pool," She added in a monotone, knowing that places like that didn't exist. I knew that too, we could keep dreaming and keep looking though.
"Thank you," She smiled at her anyways.
"Thank you, bye." I threw a polite smile at the woman before Cami and I walked out the loft, silence falling bewtween us as we headed to my place which was only two blocks away. I was deep in my thoughts and so was Cami, I could tell from the look on her face. We had been looking for a new place for us for a few weeks nows and as the days passed I felt more and more frustrated since it seemed impossible to find a loft or an apartment that could be the right one for us.
"He's asleep." Cami said in a soft voice as she looked at Gabe before eyeing me, "What do you think about the last one?"
I studied her espression, trying to understand her opinion before I'd say mine, but I couldn't really. "Honestly? I'm not crazy about it." I answered cautiously.
"I hated it." She said back with a serious frown on her face that made me smile since it was so genuine. And I hated that ugly loft too, both of the ones we lived in now were better compared to that hole.
"We'll keep looking." I said in a reassuring tone, adjusting Gabe against me once again because he wasn't a baby anymore and didn't weight like one either.
"I'm starting to think we'll never find what we want." She sighed as she crossed her arms against her chest, her beautiful space shadowed by her negative thoughts and if one one hand I couldn't blame her I didn't want her to lose hope either.
I stopped in front of the door of my loft building, waiting for her to fish the key out of her bag, my eyes on her the whole time, "We'll have to compromise eventually."
"Sure but with what?" She said back as she unlocked the door, pushing it open and following me up the stairs. I wouldn't need to hit the gym for a few days after this extra workout with Gabe. "We don't want a small place, it'd be better if it was in the same zone of the agency and of Gabe's school too..."
"And elose enough to my parents since they help us a lot with Gabe when we both work." I added, heading to the couch and bending over to set our perfect son down.
"Pajamas mom." He muttered as he rolled over onto his side, not awake but not sleeping, though his eyes were still close.
"It's not pajamas time yet baby." She whispered as she kissed his forehead, "You can nap until dinner's ready."
I watched them, completely in love with my family and smiling like an idiot. "I doubt that he'll wake up." I said as I glanced to Cami.
"I will." He muttered under his breath, making us smirk since he was so stubborn. He got that from Cami, no doubts about that.
She sighed and shook her head, walking to the kitchen, "Where were we?" She asked once I followed her.
"To the point where we'll have to compromise." I answered quietly as I wondered on what I'd be ready to give up on. I wanted it to be somewhere practical, not too far from the places we went daily, but I was aware that finding a backyard bigger than a stamp was hard in the heart of Paris so we'd have to go live somewhere far from our usual routes, like Monmartre, or we'd have to change the idea of an house and go for an attic with a roof garden or something like that. I had my opinions, but I knew that in the end I'd leave the last word to Cami, her desires more important than anything else for me.
Cami grinned, thought there was something off and I couldn't get what it was...maybe she didn't want to compromise. "I want this to be the place where we raise our family..." She trailed off, leaving me wonder what else she wanted and if she was really telling me everything.
I nodded and wrapped my arms around her while she leaned against the counter, "I know that."
She took a deep breath and kept her eyes on me, "I think that maybe we should look at houses... Not anything huge, but big enough for Gabe and our future babies to run free like wild kids."
I laughed at her words, trying to act nonchalant and not pointing out all the downside of living in a house in Paris. We'd be far from everything, but if that was she wanted? I'd give it to her. "How many babies are you planning on having?" I asked finally, skirting around the main subject.
"One more," She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe two... I don't know."
"I don't think we have to decide that right now." I offered a smile, meaning my words. If having Gabe so young had taught be something, that was that you couldn't plan your future.
She looked up at me, "Yes but what do you think?" She asked stubbornly.
"About babies?" I asked and when she nodded I went on, "One or two more...I don't know, I guess we'll figure after our next one if we want a third kid. I'm not against it anyway."
"So how do you imagine our place to be? I mean your ideal place." She said slowly, almost carefully, keeping her eyes on me.
I took a deep breath. I honestly couldn't see the point of having a house when it'd be so unpractical, just like I didn't care about having a pool or a backyard, but if that was what Cami wanted? I'd go with it, I'd get used to the idea of taking a lot of time to reach the places where I worked, where my parents were, where almost everything about my life was, because if she wanted a house I doubted we could find one in the center of the city. I was ready to compromise, as long as I was able to keep her happy. "My ideal place is where you're happy with me and with our son." I answered honestly, nothing counted more to me than that. She already had given up on her last teenage years to become a mom, she had grown up fast just like me, now I didn't want to deny her anything. If she asked me to go live on the moon? I'd still say yes.
Cami smiled at my answer and let her arms wrap around me in an embrace. "What if we kept your place instead?" She smiled at me, surprising me since I had no idea that was even an option.
"There's only two bedrooms," I replied and pushed her hair out of her face, studying her face. I didn't doubt her honesty, only it seemed an odd change of mind.
"We can move later on when we need more space," She shrugged, knowing that it'd be a while. "You live close to Gabe's school and your parents... The agency isn't a far drive either."
"Is that what you want?" I asked, always putting her first.
"We're here now and I'm happy with you and my son," She said sincerely, setting her hands on my waist and slipping them under the back of my shirt to rest on my back. "If we find our dream place in the meantime? Then we can move... but we can stop looking."
I looked at her, pushing her hair off her forehead as I processed her words. Dream places didn't fell from the sky, it was nearly impossible to find one without looking. And did I want us to keep living in a place that had seen so much of my life without her? I wasn't sure about that. "I think you deserve more than this." I said seriously, motioning around us at my loft.
She furrowed her brows as she kept eye contact, "What do you mean more? I have you and Gabe, that's enough for me."
I smiled at her words, them warming my heart, "It's not enough for your clothes. All your stuff would never fit here." I replied as my smile turned into a smirk, wanting to make this moment lighter. Truth was, it wasn't even her wardrobe that was that big, it was mine which was huge since I was a model and everything. Also, I liked shopping. "Neither would Gabe's toys." I added as an afterthought.
Cami let out a sigh knowing that he was right, looking drained by a situation what neither of us handled well. Parents was already hard as it was, we always had so much to do. "So until then, we keep going back and forth between our places?" She pouted.
"Why are you pouting?" I grinned at her and then lowered my head to kiss her forehead. She pouted even more because she wanted real kisses instead.
"Because you're right," She said with another sigh. "But it's hard work going back and forth... I don't know how Gabe ever did it without any complaints."
"He's making up for all the lost complaints now." I sighed myself, thinking that we had definitely pushed our luck. He had always been such a good boy, no wonder why now he was in a little of a rebellious phase.
"It could be worse." Cami said back as she rested her cheek against my chest, looking genuinely exhausted. I felt bad about that, but I felt even worse if I thought that all the things we now did together she had to do alone before.
I nodded my head in agreement, wondering what else I could do to make her life easier right now. It seemed clear to me that she was tired of going back and forht already and I couldn't blame her. "What do you want to do baby?" I asked eventually, breaking the silence and causing her head to tilt back when she looked up at me with a questioning look. "If you want I can stay at your place until we find the right one." I suggested, running out of other options. I liked having her here, but if she had to move her stuff twice she'd probably hate me a little. I, on the other hand, didn't have as many things as she had and I wouldn't mind going back andforth if that meant it'd make things easier for her.
Cami's eyes widened and then a sincere smile made its way onto her lips. She loved the idea, I could read it on her beautiful face. "I'm happy with whatever you want. Honestly," She said seriously, looking tired but happy.
I grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear then cupped her chin, "If we keep answering each other with that every time? We'll end up resenting each other."
"I'd never resent you," She smiled and studied my eyes. "But you're right about the other part."
"I'm right a lot," I grinned back at her and moved my hands back around her waist.
She grinned back at me, "If you want to stay at my place, I'm fine with that... more than fine with it actually."
"Okay then." I smiled at her, planting a kiss on her forehead then on her lips, "I'll take some of my stuff at your place next weekend."
She let out a breath I suspected she had been holding for a while, looking finally relieved and I was glad she was. I was too because of that. "I can help you packing..." She trailed off then blinked, as if something had just come to her mind. "Will you sell your apartment?" She asked.
"Not until we find our final one so that I can keep my things here." I reasoned out loud since really, I hadn't thought about it before. It made sense though. "We just have to break the news to Gabe but I doubt he'd have anything to complain about."
"He's probably still too excited over going to fishy camp." She commented with a smirk on her face before nuzzling my neck. "You had a good idea, he's going to love swimming so much."
"Chloe had the idea actually." I said as I felt suddenly tired, the mention of my sister's name enough to make me feel exhausted.
Cami pulled my head back with a frown and found my face which probably gave me away. "I'll thank her the next time I see her then," She responded. I nodded my head and suppressed the urge of telling her that I needed to talk about her about my sister, but I understood that she'd get involved in our fight and I didn't want that to happen, mostly when she already had so much to think about, so I decided to say nothing. "I told her about us and she's happy... she said that she already knew it, but you lied to her."
I groaned and my mood changed just slightly, "We decided you'd tell her." I protested.
"But you answered my door naked?" She grinned.
I grinned back at her expression, "I was wearing a towel."
"You look so good when you're all wet and wearing nothing but a towel..." She trailed off.
"I know you like that, I was waiting for you..." I trailed off and tilting my head down to press kisses up her neck but also to hide my face from her for a moment since I was sure it'd give me away. If Cami had shown up I was sure I wouldn't have been in that awful situation with my awful sister. Then again I didn't want her to get caught between the one of us, only Cami wasn't just the love of my life, she was my best friend too and it would have been nice just to talk to her about how I felt. I could understand why I couldn't and since the only other option was Tristan...well, I guessed I'd keep my thoughts to myself and let time fix this mess for me.
"I wish." She tangled her fingers in my hair and forced me to pull my head back gently, studying my face while I attempted to look as normal as possible, "What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing specific." I said, knowing it was for the best while something else came to my mind, "I talked to my mom the other day and she said something about how I should be thinking about taking over the agency..."
She gave me a look I couldn't read, "And what did you say?"
"That I'd think about it." I said quietly, frowning since I was clueless there and I felt like I needed help. "What do you think about it instead?"
"I think that it's big news," Cami said slowly.
I nodded my head, "They've also had offers to sell."
"I bet." She responded, not looking surprised at all. "So you've thought about it and what do you think?"
"I just asked you the same question," I grinned back at her, my confusion still showing in my expression.
She smiled back at me, "I think it'd be a lot of responsibility, but I know that you could do it."
I nuzzled her neck again and let out a sigh, "You overrate me."
"You're an amazing man," She responded honestly, leaving me wonder how she pictured me in ten years from now. "And your parents obviously agree with me since they've asked you."
I let out a slow breath and hid my face against her neck once again, still confused but happy to have Cami by my side. I thought about the future a lot, and while I was sure about my family, I wasn't so sure about work. Of course there was still a part of me that thought about my original dream, but I was down to earth and knew that it couldn't happen anymore, mostly when I had also a kid and a girlfriend to think about. I was responsible not only for myself, but for them too, they'd always come first. "Thanks baby." I said quietly before pulling my head back, "I don't have to take a decision now anyway. And Chloe is of course involved too, so..."
"Everything will be all right, just give yourself some time." She said back and gave me an encouraging smile.
"You're so wise and I'm so lucky." I grinned at her, meaning it and also wanting to make the moment lighter, so I pressed a kiss against her lips. "We should think about more urgent things now."
She grinned back at me, wrapping her arms around my waist losely, "Like what?"
"Food. I'm famished." I announced before attacking her neck, biting, sucking, kissing and tickling her.
"Ben." She started giggling, wriggling in my hold, "BEN!"
"Maman?" Gabe's voice pulled us back to reality and we both turned in his direction.
"Hey little man, I think we should eat maman." I said in a playful tone, for once meaning my words to be completely innocent.
Gabe wrinkled his nose before rubbing his sleepy eyes with the backs of his little hands, "I'm hungry, but for food... not for maman."
Cami laughed and tried not to pout as I pulled away, walking over to Gabe and picking him up. I wondered what he'd find to complain about now, what crazy request he'd make us. "What do you want instead?" She asked, letting her eyes bounce back and forth between us.
"Pizza," He said sleepily.
"If I make a pizza now, you'll be asleep before it's finished," She said seriously and he groaned then frowned.
"I want pizza and then I want ice cream for my desserts," He said stubbornly, making me want to roll my eyes. I had never punished Gabe in any way, believing that he could learn so much more if we addressed problems in a positive way, also because he had never really done anything so bad to really deserve a punishment, but the attitude he was developing lately? I wasn't okay with it.
I tilted my face to him and looked at him with a serious expression on my face, "Do you get dessert if you're mean to maman?"
Gabe sighed and shook his head, cuddling up to me and setting his head on my shoulder, "If I'm so good, then can I have a dessert papa?"
"What happened to pizza?" I laughed and looked at her while she smiled at us.
"I think I want ice cream and then pizza," Gabe grinned, closing his eyes.
"How about you go put your pajamas on and then come back for pizza first," She said, pulling a frozen pizza from the freezer, putting it into the oven and turning it on. Gabe nodded his head with his eyes open, running for his bedroom as soon as his feet hit the floor. She waited until we heard drawers opening to wrap her arms around my body, slipping her hands into my back pockets to grab my butt. "Can I have one more kiss before our little man comes back?"
"Always." I said seriously before cupping her face and kissing her, taking my time to taste her mouth, my tongue slipping between her parted lips and playng with hers. I pulled away regretfully, knowing that if we kept kissing I'd end up with an embarrassing boner and since our son was awake? It was better to keep things innocent. "Better now?"
She sighed as she made a silly face, still not letting me go and setting her head against my chest instead. "It'd be better if we didn't have to stop."
I grinned at her to make the moment light, though I agreed on that one completely. "We have a son, we can't act like h.orny teenagers all the time."
She glanced up at me, a smirk on her own lips, "Too bad." She said before chuckling.
I wrinkled my nose, the smell of pizza already filling the kitchen and making me realize that I was hungry too. "Thank god for pizza or I'd devour you." I said seriously, making Cami laugh this time.
"So after that you won't be hungry for me anymore?" She asked as she faked a pout.
"You'll be my dessert instead." I answered and took a few steps back as I heard Gabe's steps getting closer and I winked at her, "Later."
"I hate waiting..." Cami trailed off and gave me her most seductive look which was also a little silly instead. Thank god she had never considered modeling, guys would have loved to see that look on....well, evertyhing. I liked it all for me instead.
Gabe walked back into the kitchen and eased himself up onto one of the bar stools, setting his chin in his fists as he yawned again. He was determined to stay up, you could only admire that about him. He was just as stubborn as his mom. "Will there be sausage on my pizza?" He asked and looked at me, waiting for an answer.
"Doesn't maman know exactly how you like your pizza?" I replied and she smiled at him.
Gabe nodded his head, "Is it ready yet?"
"I only just put it in the oven silly boy," She leaned against the counter and looked at our sleepy son.
He sighed, "When did you two meet each other?"
"We've known each other our whole lives," I answered for the both of us, Gabe's face scrunched as if he didn't believe it. Photos could prove it anyway.
"But you couldn't have loved each other when you were babies..." His words trailed off in confusion.
"We did but we didn't know." Cami told him and looked at him with a big smile on her face.
Our son looked even more confused than before as he furrowed his brows, "I don't understand."
"One day you will." I said, ruffling his hair and grinning because he looked so innocent. He was our angel. "You still have time for girls."
He seemed to process my words, his eyes bouncing between us and seeming lost into his thoughts. "But why weren't you always together? All my friends' parents have always been together." He said finally, leaving us speechless since he had never addressed the subject like this, so seriously...so much like a grown up boy.
Cami's face gave her away and I knew that his words were paining her. "It happens sometimes." She said softly as she walked over him, wrapping her arms around him as if comforting him. Or herself.
"When you grow up sometimes you need time and space to yourself." I tried to explain but I felt like words were failing me, "It doesn't mean that you don't love the other person...I've always loved your maman. She's always loved me."
"It sounds complicated papa." He commented shortly, staring at me with those eyes that looked so much like my own it was almost scary sometimes.
"We're together now, that's all that matters." She smiled at him and placed a noisy kiss on his cheek.
"Maman." He protested and scrunched up his nose, but let her cuddle him anyway.
I smirked at them, part of me happy that we were talking for real. I decided it was time to break the news. "We were thinking we should stay at mamans loft always, what do you think little man?" I asked casually.
"Will I get a bigger room since I have so many toys?" He asked after a second of consideration, always thinking about his things. Maybe he needed a brother or a sister to start being less selfish.
She laughed and shook her head, "Not yet baby."
He groaned and then shrugged his shoulders, "But I can keep all of my toys?"
"You can keep everything," I answered my question and then tossed Cami a smirk, letting her know that we'd be leaving more than a few things behind or to donate. We tried not to spoil Gabe, but it happened. He was our only son and we just wanted the best for him.
Gabe seemed to accept my words and relaxed, "Does it mean that we'll all be together always?" He let his eyes bounce back and forth between the two of us while we both nodded.
"Except for when we work or you have school," She grinned at him.
"You can come to school with me instead," He laughed his high pitched laugh that made me melt always.
"Such a comedian you are." I grinned wide at my son as I watched him, noticing how right now he looked genuinely happy and I loved it.
"School is over anyway." He addded and even clapped his hands in excitement, not wide awake which meant we'd probbaly have to deal with him later.
I shot him an amused look, reaching for plates and glasses since the kitchen was already starting to smell like pizza and my guess was that it would be ready soon. "Are you happy about it?" I asked even though it was pretty obvious.
He nodded, "No more homeworks." He answered looking thriumphant.
"Yes homeworks instead, you have summer ones." Cami pointed out, raising one eyebrow at him though she was still smiling.
He made a silly face, groaning, "Maman, give me a break!"
At that I laughed, loud, while Cami's mouth dropped open since we had never heard him talk like that. I wondered where he had heard that expression. "You'll have plenty of breaks, only there will be time for studying too." I said eventually, always being on the same page as Cami.
He groaned again and then looked at me, "Is my dinner done yet?"
"Almost," Cami shook her head and then lifted an eyebrow, "Did you wash your hands already?"
He answered her question by hoping off his stool and heading back down the hallway where a second later we heard the bathroom door closing. "He's going to be a handful once he's a teenager," I said quietly while she nodded in agreement.
She parted my lips and looked at me. "I've been meaning to ask, how are you?"
Both of my eyebrows shot up in surprise since I had no idea where this was coming from. "I'm good," I said simply, leaving out all the things that weren't so good.
"I mean with the whole Chloe thing," She smiled back at me, pulling the pizza out of the oven and setting it on the counter to cool off. "Are you okay? We can talk about it when Gabe goes to bed."
I smiked back, appreciating the offer but knowing it couldn't happen. I had tried a bunch of minutes before and all I had gotten was a change of subject, it was probably for the best and Cami had all the right reasons not to want to discuss something that would put her in a difficult position. But god, how much I wished I had someone on my side for once. I understood that it was often more convenient not to take sides, but what if I was right? And why neither my mom or my girlfriend could see that I had a point, that I was right? Truth was, it was a lost cause, and I should have dropped it from the beginning. "There's not much to talk about really." I said eventually as I shook my head, more interested in eyeing the pizza.
"You can talk to me..." She trailed off slowly and I could feel her eyes on me, studying me.
I turned my head to make eye contact again, trying to be more convincing this time. I was used to keep things like that to myself, I had done that for years. "I know baby, but it's not necessary. Nothing I could say would change a thing." I said seriously then smiled again when our son walked back into the kitchen. If we'd ever have a girl I could only hope they'd never end like me and Chloe. "It was about time little man, I'm starving."
He grinned wide at me and we slipped into chairs besides each other at the kitchen table, "For desserts too?"
I laughed and ran a hand through Gabe's hair to mess it up a little, "Only if you're good and maman says its okay."
"I'm always good instead!!" He nearly shouted, almost making me groan.
Cami smiled at the two of us and worked on slicing the pizza then carried it over to the table, setting it in the middle and letting us grab slices for ourselves. "We'll see about that," She winked at Gabe who made a silly face at hrt before attacking his pizza, there was sauce all over his face already. "Where did my son go? All I see right now is a little animal."
He laughed with his mouth full, covering it with his hand quickly until he had swallowed all of his food. Thankfully he was remembering his manners. "I'm a fish, not an animal," He all but nearly rolled his eyes. "When is my camp?"
"It starts next week." I said after swallowing, keeping my eyes on my son to gauge his reaction.
"So soon! I'm excited." He exclaimed before getting all serious again, "Where will it be?"
Cami and I exchanged a look, but she spoke out first, "You'll see...it's gorgeous there."
At that answer he frowned, "I thought it'd be at my school...I won't know anyone there."
"You'll make new friends." I answered at my son, understanding his worries but also knowing he'd forget it all as soon as he'd meet new kids. He was outgoing and could be able to speak with walls too, in that he was very different from me.
"And your bestie will come too, so you don't have anything to worry about." Cami added and gave him her most rassurely smile which often worked on me too, "And if you'll hate it we'll going to get you immediatly." She stopped to purse her lips, as if realizing that she was worrying too, "But it won't be necessary."
"You'll have plenty of fun Gabe." I smiled at him, "I went to camps too when I was little and it was always amazing." I said, leaving out the part where it had been hard at the beginning. It wasn't the part where you still came back home every afternoon, but the first time I had gone out of town and had been away from my parents? It hadn't been so great for the first two nights.
Gabe stared at me with a serious face before parting his lips, "Were you scared too papa?"
Cami let her eyes leave Gabe to scan my face as I shook my head. "I was excited instead and I made plenty of friends," I replied, a little lie had never killed anyone, mostly if I was just trying to encourage my kid.
She smiled and looked at Gabe again, "You're going to love it and like I said, if you do hate it? You can come home."
He nodded his head while he chewed a bite of pizza, swallowing and wrinkling his nose again, "Will I live there?"
She laughed, "You won't live there, but at the end of the program, you will have a sleepover there with all of your friends." She left out the part where it would be a week long sleepover while I wondered if she was okay with that herself. I was going to miss my little man, still I really wanted him to enjoy this experience, in a way his first one as a boy, not a baby anymore.
"I love sleepovers!" He smiled wide and she let out a deep breath that I caught, reaching for her free hand and giving it a squeeze. "Can we go shopping tomorrow?"
I laughed and eyed our son, "Do you need more clothes? You already have so much."
He grinned and shook his head, "My baby takes after his dad."
"I'm not a baby!!" Gabe groaned then ate half of his pizza in one bite as if proving it.
Cami smiled at him wide, "You will always be my baby."