It gets harder everyday, but I can't seem to shake the pain.

My eyes scanned the contract, the words all blending together and making me sweat. I ran my hand up the back of my neck and tore my eyes away from it for a second to look at Jack as he continued speaking. I hadn't listened to a word he was saying, not really at least. I weighed my options carefully, bouncing back and forth between my relationship with Aurora, the band, supporting my teenage brother, my future... a better future than I ever thought possible. "I don't need an answer now," He said, cutting into my thoughts. "But I can't wait forever." I nodded my head and parted my lips as Aura walked by the studio window, catching my eye and pausing to wait for me with a smile on her face. I held a finger up to indicate that I'd be done in a minute, wondering when my life had become so complicated. The band had given me more than the amazing girl in my life, we had a summer tour booked and a European tour after that. We held number one on iTunes for a week straight and every late night show was trying to book us for an appearance. Or Aura at least. The money was better than I expected, so much to the point that I was getting more serious about taking on the role of becoming my brothers full time guardian. As good as my aunt was to him, he needed something more stable, someone who knew what it was like losing everything and having to start all over again. I was all he really had. "... a week."

"A week?" I repeated, wishing I had been listening but I was still staring at Aura who looking pretty involved in a conversation with Chloe Black, the resident hardass who was more interested in glaring at me.

He gave me a firm nod, "I'll need your answer in a week."

"Alright," I replied and shook his hand again, his free hand clipping my shoulder for a brief moment before he left. My eyes followed him for not more than a second before looking at Aura again and smiling as she made her way into the studio. The way her hips swung when she walked, the smile that was on her face every time she saw me, it was easy to say that I was falling hard for her and I had a feeling she felt the same way about me. "I didn't know you were coming in today," I smiled back at her and pulled her into me, pressing my lips against hers before giving her a chance to speak.

“Mmmm,” She lingered against my lips, sliding her hands up my chest to wrap around my neck and press her fit body against mine.

“Careful," I grinned against her soft lips as she pressed her hips against mine.

“What?”

“You keep kissing me like this and I’ll have to carry you home right now,” I said honestly, not sure how much of her teasing I could handle. It was like I still wasn't immune to her and how sexy she was. She was a intoxicating and I was such a goner.

She bit down on her lip and looked like she was contemplating my words and taking them as an offer. Being on the road together? It was nice... but hooking up on a bus with the rest of the band only a few feet away? That wasn't. “I'm not objecting to that," She said honestly, moving her hands to my waist and looking into my eyes.

“Good because I might do it later anyways.”

A pout appeared on her lips from the word later. Hell, I wasn't happy about that part either. “What comes first?” She asked pressing another kiss against my lips.

“Are you hungry?”

She shook her head slowly, “Just ate.”

“Okay well I haven’t. You can watch me eat,” I replied, holding back since I felt like I should tell her about the offer... whether I said yes or no. Currently, I was leaning towards no... but still. She got a glint in her eye before her entire body blushed. I realized what I had just said then and wanted to groan for how hot she was. “Not that way. Yet," I added, kissing her nose and grabbing her hand.

“I guess I could use some coffee or something," She compromised.

"Sounds like a date," I grinned and pulled her body into mine, moving my hand from hers to wrap around her waist.

"Is my boyfriend treating?"

I grinned wider and nodded my head, "I will. Coffee and whatever that something is? It's on me."

"I wish you meant literally," She said and added her wicked smile, the kind that let me know exactly what she was thinking... and god, my dick twitched every time she looked at me like that. It made me want to say to hell with eating and just devour her instead. "What's on your mind baby?"

"You," I said honestly. She was always on my mind. Yeah there were a million other things in my head right now, but she was always right up there at the top.

"My favorite subject," She joked and smirked up at me. "What about me?"

"How good you look right now... I could eat you up," I smirked back, pushing every other thought out of my mind and focusing on the now.

Her eyes widened a little before she grinned, "Please do."

"You make it so hard for me to focus sometimes..." I trailed off and lead her towards the cafe we always took breaks at. It was across the street from the studio and they knew every member of the bands order by heart. The food wasn't great, but it was convenient.

We slid into the L shaped booth in the corner window we usually took and Aura pulled out her notebook. I set my hand on her thigh and rubbed it softly, making her look back at me. “You’re distracting me," She told me while I just shrugged.

“Oh well.”

The waitress brought out our food and Aura pulled her hair out of her face so she could focus on the new song she was writing. I looked over her shoulder as she wrote, a grin spreading across my face at the lyrics. I nudged her and she looked up, "What?"

“That song is about sex," I pointed to the notebook and she gave me a slow, sexy smile. The kind that made my chest tighten from how beautiful she was and how I didn't deserve her. At all. 

“So?”

I shook my head and laughed, “When we show that to the guys they will never stop teasing us.”

She bit down on her lip, “It just implies sex.”

I shook my head, “You’re unbelievable.”

She smirked wider and pointed towards the second verse, “So are you. See?” God, there was no way I'd be able to perform this song live without getting an erection. She drove me fucking insane. “I’ll write a duet next. All for the next album, after the tour I mean.”

I froze a little as I looked at the smile on her face, “Right.”

She stared at me and I wondered how much my face gave away, if my body language had changed in any way since I felt like I was sweating from nerves.

I pulled my hand away to take a sip of my coffee, her eyes still on me. “You okay?”

I nodded, looking away from her since my eyes would give everything away, “Fine. Hows your soup?”

She just blinked at me. It was a stupid question and I knew it after I asked. She had the exact same soup and salad every time and it was always the same.

“Okay…” She trailed off.

I reached for her left hand and gave it a squeeze before bringing it up to my lips and kissing her knuckles. "Sorry, I have a lot on my mind," I said quietly and she kept her gaze on me bleak.

"Then talk to me," She retorted, her pen tapping against the table with her free hand. She did that out of habit and never realized it.

"I was thinking about Logan moving in with me," I replied and tried studying her expression, trying to decipher whether she thought it was a good idea or bad.
I was barely 22 and wasn't the best role model to be raising a teen, but he was my brother.

"Like taking custody of him?"

I shook my head, "He's only got a few more years until he's 18 and goes off to college... My aunts amazing for taking him in, but -"

"I understand," She cut me off and made me wonder if she really did understand. Sometimes I didn't understand myself. After our parents died and we were shuffled from house to house, the only constant thing we had was each other... Now we barely ever saw each other and he was reflecting that through his shitty teenage angst. I blamed myself for that. I should have been looking out for him, helping him become the man my parents would have wanted him to be.

"Do you?"

She shrugged, "You feel bad. He's your little brother and you want to be there for him... taking care of him."

"Do you think it's a good idea?" I asked, wanting to hear her opinion since it meant a lot to me.

"I think it's a bigger responsibility than you realize and your life isn't exactly stable. We've booked tours, TV shows..." She trailed off and looked down at her notebook, doodling on the corner of the page.

"But he's my brother," I said back, like it should be the only excuse I needed and really, it was. The best thing about the record deal Jack was offering me was that I'd start off with a lot of studio time and wouldn't be on the road for another year at least.

“Yeah exactly.”

“What do you mean yeah exactly?” I snapped back instinctively, not sure why she wasn't understanding where I was coming from or my intentions.

She ran her hands through her hair, “I mean if what you want is to give him more stability? I don’t think having him move in with you is going to give him that. What it will give him? Is a decent sized apartment on the upper west side that never has any supervision.”

“I’ll be there!” I protested but she just gave me a look.

“When exactly are you planning on being there? You hardly even sleep there, and yeah I would understand if you wanted to cut back your time with me to be with your brother, that’s totally fine….but you’re not even going to be in town for most of this year.”

“He needs me.”

She nodded, “Maybe. But from what I know about Logan he acts out when he’s not getting paid enough attention to…at least the way he wants it. What do you think he’ll do living all alone?”

My brain went through a million possibilities before I set my head in my hands and shook it, feeling defeated and hating that she was being so negative when all I wanted was her support. “Fuck….”

She scooted closer to me, “Hey. I know I don’t really understand family stuff, but I do know that it should come first….and if you need some time off from the band….I can hire a sub….”

“I was offered a solo contract today Aura," I said out of nowhere, knowing it wasn't the time or the place to tell her, but needing to for some reason.

She just blinked at me and then swallowed, “So…..you’d leave the band.”

I nodded slowly, “And I’d have a few years of writing music, studio time….”

“Time to be with Logan," She replied and I nodded again, feeling guilty even though I never signed the contract or even showed interest during the meeting. “I love you.”

I processed her words slowly, playing them back in my head since the look on her face showed more panic than anything. Did I hear her right? I mean, we'd been together for a while now... but were we there? My lips parted but no words came out, I froze like the chicken shit I was and before I knew it, she had her things gathered up in her arms and was standing up to leave. "Aura, wait," I shuffled after her, stopping only to grab a couple bills from my wallet and toss them on the table. By the time I had paid and every single person in the cafe was watching the scene we had caused, she was already outside trying to hail a cab. "Fuck," I muttered under my breath and jogged out to where she was, shoving my hands into my pockets as I stared at her, still not sure what to say since she took me by surprise.

"You don't have to say anything," She said before I had the chance to speak. She wasn't even looking at me, but I could tell that I fucked up royally this time. I'd told one girl in my life that I loved her and honestly, it was much too soon. High school romances all went that way; moved too fast and ended much too soon. I didn't want that with Aura. I wanted everything with her... I wanted her to be the one because when I thought about losing her? It killed me.

"I think I do instead," I replied, wishing she'd look at me since the way she was looking everywhere but at me hurt.

"You don't. I take it back," She said seriously and I laughed, I laughed hard, and she turned to me with one hell of a glare on her face. "What?"

"You can't just take it back," I told her and grinned slowly, stepping closer to her and breaking the distance since she seemed much too far for my liking. I cupped her chin and tilted her head back to look at me, "Is that how you really feel?"

“Does it matter?”

I looked at her, “Of course it matters.”

She swallowed thickly and I wished I could read her mind more than anything, know if she regretted telling me or if it was really how she felt. The thing about Aura that attracted me to her from the start, besides the obvious fact that she was gorgeous, was how she was a complete mystery. Talented as hell, the whole package, but a mystery. I never knew what she was thinking. “It doesn’t though. Not if you’re leaving the band. Not if you don’t feel anything too,” She retorted, making me feel the sting in her words.

“I never said I didn’t feel anything," I said flatly, wondering if she believed that because if she did? We had problems. Of course I felt something. If I didn't I wouldn't be wasting our time. I loved her, of course I did... It just was hard for me to say.

She rolled her eyes, “I meant it. But I still take it back.”

Stubborn as hell she was. I smirked and pushed her hair back, “Why me Aura?”

She blinked back at me, “Because you’re incredible? Because you’re talented and amazing and gorgeous and loyal and sexy as hell and I can totally be myself around you and still feel like that’s the girl you want to be with.”

I grinned at her, feeling like the luckiest man alive, “That’s a good answer baby.”

She nodded, “I need to get home….and take a shower.”

"Is that an invitation?" I asked and pulled her into me, wondering why I couldn't say those three words even if I felt them with every inch of my soul.

She looked up at me with her soft lips pursed, averting her eyes from mine and staring at the sidewalk and then the cars passing by. Anywhere but at me. I fucked up and I knew it. First with the contract and now this. "I'm tired Wyatt..." She shrugged her shoulders, feeding me the oldest excuse in the book and making me wish I could rewind time because she was starting to pull away from me.

I slid my hand down to her wrist and tugged her back into me, using my other hand to caress her cheek, "You know that I care about you right?"

"Of course," She nodded and forced the smallest of forced smiles. "I'll call you."

"Don't you want to know why?"

She raised a brow questioningly, "Why what?"

"Why I want to be with you?" I asked and pressed a kiss on her forehead and then her nose, smiling as it wrinkled before pressing another chaste kiss against her lips. "After losing damn near everything in my life? You are my reason to wake up in the morning... or stay in bed if you're in it with me," I said seriously and she grinned.

"You're cheesy..."

"Because I can be cheesy as hell and you still love me," I grinned back at her. "Your talent is overwhelming. I could watch you for hours because you amaze me... and you're breathtaking. You are so fucking gorgeous Aurora."

“But?” Was all she said, the word sounding like poison coming from her mouth. She was torturing me, but I wasn't exactly innocent. I deserved it. 

“But….but nothing baby….I’m crazy about you,” I said honestly, wanting to tell her what she wanted to hear but now being able to say it for some reason. I mean, I loved her... of course I did. I didn't know what my problem was, what was wrong with saying it out loud. 

“You should sign that contract," She said out of nowhere, looking like she meant it. I felt like it was her way of pushing me away and it probably was. Her career was her life and if I left, would she still have room for it? For us?

“Aura…” I trailed off, my whole voice full of worry since I felt like I was losing her.

“You should. You deserve it. And you should take custody of Logan. That would be good for him. For both of you," She nodded, her words going against what she had just previously said. I could barely wrap my head around what was going on, suddenly feeling as tired as she said she was.

I reached for her and her body tensed, making me feel like a shitty person and to be honest, it made me mad at her. I wanted her to understand where I was
coming from, but were we such different people that she never would? “Don’t pull away from me Aurora…..” I trailed off, feeling drained since there was nothing I could do.

She cupped my face in her hand and pressed a soft kiss against mine, lingering against my lips before pulling away regretfully, “I'm just tired Wyatt.”

"You're tired," I repeated, almost inaudibly but we were so close she had to hear it. The doubt was dripping off my voice, showing that I didn't believe her. I couldn't. Not more than five minutes ago she had that look in her eye that left me half expecting her to take me on the table right there in the cafe. She just nodded at my words and I cupped the back of my neck, giving her a little shrug, "Fine."

"Fine?" She asked and raised a brow, the look on her face making my mouth dry. I was bad at confrontations... or whatever this was. Maybe I overreacted too easily, but that was usually a perk when it came to being a musician. We were so damn emotional, always looking for our latest material to write about.

"You're pushing me away Aurora," I said flatly, not hiding how bad that hurt or how it was starting to get the best of me. I knew that I'd caused this; first the contract, the whole thing with Logan, and most definitely the fact that I didn't tell her I loved her back. But she should know me well enough to know how I feel.

Her lips parted and then reclosed, she looked like she had a million things on her mind but didn't want to say any of them out loud. "We don't... you don't -"

"Do you honestly think I don't feel the same way about you?" I cut her off, knowing where she was going without her even saying it.

"Wyatt..." She trailed off, leaving me wondering what was on her mind and how she thought I felt about her. Honestly though, the look in her eye said it all.

I shook my head and shoved my hands into my pockets, "Do you want me to ride back to your apartment with you?"

“Do you want to?” She asked, not really meeting my eyes.

“I don’t know are you going to look at me at all?”

She lifted her eyes to mine, swallowing deeply at the expression she found on my face. “What do you want me to say Wyatt?” She asked vulnerably before turning to the cabby and handing him some cash, “Sorry for making you wait. I'm just going to walk.”

When I didn't respond, she used the opportunity to turn down the street and walk away from me. I followed behind her, cursing myself the entire time for letting it escalate to this. “I fu.cked up I know…”

“YOU did?” She asked, looking sideways at me. “Don’t be silly," She shook her head

I grabbed her arm, “I'm sorry…”

She smiled even though this was anything but funny, “Don’t be sorry. I was the one who made this so awkward.”

“Aura come on….”

“Maybe we should just cut our losses," She said shaking her head again and looking at the ground.

I grabbed her wrist and made her stop, “Are you trying to dump me right now?!” She just looked at me, not saying anything until I grabbed her face in my hands. “No,” I said seriously. 

“But-“

“But nothing!!!” I replied just as sternly, wondering how she could go one second to loving me to trying to break up with me the next. “I'm not leaving you. You can’t tell me you love me and then dump me that’s fucking ridiculous. Unless you were lying.”

“I wasn’t lying.”

“Then trust how you feel about me Aura. Trust in us….”

“How?”

"What do you mean how?" I asked curiously, wishing I could understand women since I was so lost right now. How did we even get here?

She blinked at me as if it were the most obvious thing and maybe it were. Maybe I was just an idiot who didn't see where she was coming from and was completely in the wrong. Really, I had no idea. "How are we supposed to be together when you're leaving the band? When you don't even feel the same way about me?" She asked and her voice caught a little, the pain and emotion thick on her tongue. I felt my heart grow heavy, like the entire week had been a dream and this was our reality. I wanted to go back to earlier in the day, waking up with her in my arms, but now that all felt so far away.

"I never said I was leaving the band. I told you it was an option... if it means that much to you? I'll tell him no," I said honestly, wishing that was enough to fix our problems. I knew it wasn't.

"No. Take it," She said and pulled her wrist from out of my grasp to fold her arms over her chest. "It's a good deal and you're talented. You deserve it and I'm happy for you."

"If you truly felt that way? You wouldn't be acting like this," I said flatly.

"Acting like what Wyatt? I'm trying to be supportive!!"

I shook my head, "You're afraid you'll lose me and because of that, you're trying to push me away."

“I know that!” She said back and I blinked, not expecting her to admit it. “What?! I'm not stupid. But what am I supposed to do? Fall even more in love with you and lose you then?! This is hard enough as it is," She swallowed thickly and I prayed that she wouldn't cry. I didn't want to see her cry ever, and mostly? I didn't want to be the reason for her tears.

“Then don’t do it," I replied and pulled her into my body, my hands pushing back her hair and then holding her close.

“It would be selfish of me to try to get you to stay," She said while looking into my eyes, her mind somewhere else, lost in her thoughts.

“So be selfish Aura! I want to know how you really feel not just something you think you should say!”

“Well I don’t think I should say I love you anymore," She snapped back and I groaned, feeling like we were in high school or some shit.

“Since when do you ever hold back?”

She narrowed her eyes at me, “Fine. I think you deserve every opportunity you get and you’d be huge if you went solo. But you’d be just as big if you stayed with the band. If it’s more music you want? I’d give it to you. More solo’s? They’re yours. I wouldn’t hold you back. Ever. I think you’re too easy on your brother and getting him away from an authority figure wouldn’t be in his best interest. You’re still his brother, his friend, and friends aren’t parents. And you want to know what the last thing I think is? I think you’re the one who’s afraid, because you’re the one talking shit about how you want to hear my feelings but you’re too pussy to share any of your own. So there. That’s me not holding back.”

"You want to know how I feel?" I repeated, feeling a mix of emotions since I hated the way she was acting. You couldn't tell me I would make a terrible guarding one minute and then the next say that you love me. I wanted to be mad at her while at the same time, I wanted to kiss her. "I'm shocked for one because this might be the first time you asked me that question."

She shook her head, "That's not true."

"Isn't it though?" I asked and ran a hand through my hair. "Everything we do is about you. Your music, your emotions, your feelings."

She blinked and then her gaze was back on mine, narrowed with her arms folded tight across her, "Is that why you don't love me?"

"I do love you Aurora, but if you needed to get that out of me like this? Then there's obviously something wrong with our relationship," I said flatly, feeling like someone had socked me in the stomach because when I woke up this morning, my life had felt perfect... now it felt like everything was fucked up. "You should know how I feel, but you're always too busy focusing on your own feelings that I shouldn't be surprised that you haven't realized it."

She stared at me for a second as she processed my words, her lips finally parting as the words I didn't want to hear came out, “I have to go.” She turned on her heel and walked briskly in the opposite direction, proving my point once again without even a thought. I watched her leave, not moving an inch before she stopped and turned back around. She leaned her body into mine and I could see the pain in her expression, know that she had made a mistake and caught it. No one was perfect, but we strived for it in our industry. “I'm sorry.”

I swallowed and looked at the ground but she reached for both of my hands, me giving hers a squeeze. “I'm sorry," I echoed, knowing that I shouldn't have been an ass and called her out.

“No….you’re right. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend….clearly.”

“That’s not what I said," I replied, still feeling defeated.

She pulled one hand away from mine to slide up my chest and cup my face, “I was a bitch earlier. Hell I'm usually a bitch…I know that, but I didn’t know I kept it up even with you I just…..I’m not used to being so close to someone.”

“I know," I said softly.

“I'm scared that if you sign on that you’ll leave me," She admitted. “And I know that’s my own feelings again but…. I really do love you….I don’t want to lose you. You make me so happy. Making you happy makes me happy….” She choked back the emotions, “Damn I do not deserve you….if you love me? I'm one lucky bitch.”

I smiled as she rattled on, knowing that I was the lucky one to have her. “I’d argue with you. But you have a point," I teased, setting my forehead against hers.

“I’ll be better….”