I finished the last of the morning show and god was I exhausted.
"I'm going back to bed." Jaime said tossing me a tired grin. "I'm still not used to getting up so early." I chuckled and nodded.
"Coffee will be your best friend."
"I'm not sure coffee is strong enough. Hey isn't that your girlfriend? I looked up and smiled as Vi walked into the room.
"Hey." she said softly. I blinked my eyes, shocked that she was here, but more than thrilled. How she managed to look like that in the morning while I pretty much just dragged myself out of bed? Was beyond me.
"Vi, what are you doing here?" I asked eventually, giving her a smile as I took off my headphones.
"Surprise surprise." she grinned I wrapped and arm around her waist to pull her into me and press a kiss against her cheek.
"The model I was supposed to meet got sick so I have a few hours for you."
"You got lucky Jake." Jamie said with a grin and I felt Vi tense next to me. Oh dear god she needed to chill.
"Jamie." Vi acknowledged her and gave her a curt smile before wrapping her arms around my arms that were already around her. A little overkill….but hey I wasn't complaining.
"Are you two done working?"
"Thank god we are." She sighed, flipping her hair back before winking at Violet.
"Good, then I have my boyfriend all for me." Vi said, letting the word boyfriend roll off her tongue like she was trying to seduce me or something.
"I'll see you tomorrow Jamie!" I said with a smile.
"Bye." She smiled back at us before I pulled her into the hallway. Once in the hallway I pulled her closer and kissed up her neck, not giving a damn about being at work, hell they'd all just be jealous.
"You just made my day." I whispered against her ear. We stopped in front of my office and she smirked.
"I thought that was earlier this morning." I grabbed my jacket and shrugged.
"What can I say, you spoil me." I grinned wide as I reached for her hand, closing the door behind up and leading us to the elevators, "What are your plans for us baby?"
"It's a nice day, we could just take a walk in the park." She suggested, loving that it was spring again. I knew it was her favorite.
"Sounds good, but I might need a cup of coffee first." She nodded and leaned her body against mine as we walked. "You're being cuddly today." I pointed out, remembering how in high school she had flinched whenever I'd tried to hold her hand….to be fair to her I'd always acting like I was on the verge of joking so I would be sure not to get my heart broken. God I'd been an
"You smell good." She said not really explaining it, but wrapping her arms around my torso instead.
"Thanks." I grinned, kissing the top of her head as we walked to the nearest Starbucks.
"Get me a chai latte, I'm gonna go the the bathroom." I nodded at Vi and waited in line to give the bubbly barista my order.
"Oh my god you're the guy who does the morning show!" she said with a wide grin. "We listen to you every morning! You're even better looking in person…" I smiled, when I was anchoring for tv I was used to the recognition, but this was a little more flattering.
"I'm glad to hear it." I replied, handing her a bill. "Keep the change." I turned and found Violet behind me with her arms crossed.
"What the hell was that?" she asked, snapping as I handed her her latte.
"What was what?" I asked seriously as I walked towards the nearest booth.
"You were flirting with her." I looked back at the barista who was admittedly still looking over at me.
"She's like 12." I said seriously. "I was not." I laughed and shook my head. "Please don't say we're going to have this conversation again."
"Okay." Vi said eventually, looking away from me and staring at nothing instead. I reached for her hand and squeezed it, leaning into her from across the table,
"Vi, please."
"I said okay." she retorted, the tone of her voice actually icy. I made an effort not to sigh but it didn't help so I just turned her palm and traced slow circles against it.
"I heard you but you're not even looking at me." she moved her gaze to my face.
"Better now?" she asked bitterly.
"Violet." I warned.
"I said we're not going have this conversation, end of the story." she slipped her hand away from my grasp and took a sip of her latte.
"Then do .me a favor, stop acting like this..." I begged.
"You were in such a good mood before. Don't ruin our time."
"If you don't want my mood to get ruined then you do me a favor and stop flirting with every girl you talk to." Vi said back in a sickly sweet voice that sounded more evil especially with the creepy smile she was giving too. I just stared at her for a second, trying to see my Violet but only seeing anger instead. I wanted to argue, to say this wasn't fair, that I wasn't flirting and I didn't give a about any other girl….but hell she knew that already. So I didn't.
"Okay." I nodded, and took a sip of my coffee, but Vi seemed hell bent on remaining angry.
"Okay?! What does that mean?"
"Okay I will keep all of my conversations with any woman of the opposite sex completely professional from now on." I replied. Vi raised her brow.
"Jake…." She trailed off, probably hearing how unreasonable her request was, but hey, I loved her.
"If that's what it takes to keep my baby happy it's not hard to do." I squeezed her hand again and she shook her head.
"Why do you always do that?!" she asked looking even more angry if that were possible.
"You mean do what you say?" she shrugged.
"I mean you act like a jerk and then you go and make it all perfect and I'm supposed to act like you never did anything." I bit down on my tongue to keep myself from saying that I actually didn't do anything but I figured that wouldn't help.
"Okay. Well then….do you want me to apologize?"
"No." she shook her head quickly, pressing her lips together in a straight line.
"I'm lost here baby, just tell me what you want me to say and I will." I said quietly, and she looked like….well like she felt guilty.
"I'm scared." she confessed in a whisper. I frowned as I held Vi's hands tighter.
"Vi, how many times do I have to tell you that you're the only girl for me? If you trust me you shouldn't be worried about anything, I'm not going to cheat on you. Ever."
"I do trust you Jakey, that's not the problem." she sighed, looking down at us.
"Then what is it? I'm your best friend, talk to me." I said, forcing myself to be quiet and patient but I was about to lose it.
"I'm afraid that one day you'll meet some other girl and realize that I'm not that good." Vi said in one breath, not even looking at me. Was I not showing her enough how much I loved her?!
"That's never going to happen. I didn't get tired of you in more than a decade, I don't see that happen ever." I said seriously. "Hey baby, look at me." She didn't though. She looked miserable and it was killing me.
"You'd do one thing for me?" she asked in a barely audible whisper.
"Sure, I'd do anything for you Vi." I nodded, offering her a reassuring smile.
"Marry me." I laughed and squeezed Vi's hand.
"I thought we were being serious." I said but as I looked into her eyes they weren't laughing.
"I am." She said simply. I just blinked and pulled my hands away from her. Was she kidding me?
"No you're not." I said, almost trying to convince myself more than her.
"When do I ever say anything I don't mean Jacob?" I blinked at her again, wondering if I was dreaming or something.
"Since when do you want to get married?" I asked, looking around the Starbucks. Was this seriously where we were having this discussion?
"I love you." She said simply, as if that explained everything. I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head.
"Violet, did you seriously just propose to me?!" I asked incredulously under my breath.
"Are you seriously upset about that?" she asked back, her eyes wide.
"Baby that's crazy!" I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair. "You're afraid of commitment why would you want to get married?!"
"I'm not afraid of-" she started but I put my hand up to stop her from talking.
"Bullshi.t. We almost didn't get together because of your phobia to all relationships. But I'm not going to marry you because you think I hit on the coffee girl!" I said through my teeth. I wasn't sure what was happening. Did I think eventually Vi and I would get married…..maybe. Hell I didn't even know if I cared about marriage. But I'd have at least liked the chance to figure it out for myself…we hadn't even been together that long.
"I didn't ask you because of-" she cut herself off when I glared at her. "Okay maybe that started it, but it doesn't mean that I don't want it." I just shook my head, looking everywhere at my girlfriend who had clearly lost her mind….
"You're losing your mind Vi." she shrugged.
"You're right, I was afraid of relationship but I'm not anymore, because with you everything just feel natural, like it's meant to be."
"We're together Vi, there's no need to rush things."
"I want to be with you only." she said eventually, her voice sounding weak and pained.
"And I do too." I sighed, "I don't need to put a ring on your finger to prove it." I knew that was a jackas.s typical guy thing to say…but I was allowed to want to get married when I wanted to right?! Was that too much to ask? This wasn't right, this was the wrong time, the wrong reason….everything….
"All right, I won't bring the subject up ever again." Vi whispered, glancing at her watch. "It's getting late, I should go back to work."
"Already?" I asked with a brow raised.
"Yeah. Will you walk with me?" she asked me.
"You know I know you're lying." I said simply as I got up and followed her out of the café.
"Yeah." She said looking at the floor.
"Vi stop." She looked up at me and her eyes, oh my god they killed me. She looked hurt, and defeated and I hated thinking that was my fault.
"Baby I have never loved anyone in my whole life as much as you." I said seriously.
"But you don't want to marry me." She said simply, trying to look like it didn't kill her, but my god where was this coming from!? I always thought I'd be the one who'd have to ease her into marriage if and when I ever decided I wanted that for us! I realized in my head how much of an that made me sound and I swallowed. It was the one thing I was unreasonable about but it was a little emasculating to have your girlfriend propose to you. Especially when it was for all the wrong reasons.
"I don't want to marry you for no reason." I replied.
"Isn't love a good reason?" she snapped back bitterly. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of it's chest…how many relationships lasted after a turned down proposal? My guess was not many.
"It is. But that's not why you asked." I said simply. "And it wasn't fair."
"Not fair?!" she asked, looking crazy again.
"No it's not fair! I'm supposed to get to ask you! I'm supposed to get to be nervous and think of how to do it and ask your friends what kind of ring you want." I said, just spewing words like an idiot. "But we're so young Vi, and we just got together….why do you want to rush things? Lets….get a dog first or something."
"A dog?" Vi asked, her eyes shocked. "Seriously?"
"I don't know! But we did everything so fast, we've known each other for years so it was a natural progression, but hell we lived together the first day we got together….can't we just enjoy being in a relationship?"
"What do you mean we lived together the first say we got together?" she echoed me.
"It's the truth." I shrugged.
"Is this too much for you Jake? Do you need more space? Do you want me out of your apartment?" she asked as she took a few steps back, putting some distance between us and making me feel like an even bigger .
"No Vi, no, that's not what I meant." I stepped closer to her, feeling myself start losing it because I couldn't lose her. Not again. But when I reached out for her? She slapped my hands away. . !
"That's how it sounded. You can tell me Jake, I'll understand."
"But it's not!" I said, my voice dripping with the frustration I was feeling. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Loud and clear." she nodded, biting down on her lip and looking like she wanted to run away. "Are you listening to yourself?"
"What-what did I say?" I asked, my voice raising because I was so lost.
"A dog Jake...I ask you to marry me and you offer me a dog." she shook her head as her voice broke and she looked away.
"I don't want a dog. I don't want anything, okay?" I set my hand on her arm tentatively, hoping she wouldn't pull away again and leaning her head down to look for mhereyes, "Vi-" she finally looked at me,
"Just let me go to work and let's forget everything." she cut me off, once again pulling away from my touch and killing me.
"But you're coming back home, right?" I asked slowly.
"Of course I am. I don't have anywhere else to go, you're all I have."
"Vi I can't be without you." I said seriously, the thought alone driving me slightly nuts. Hell if she needed me to marry her for some security I would but how crazy was that?
"No?" she blinked and I grabbed her waist, pulling her into my body and holding her head in my hand.
"No. I tried that once and it pretty much killed me. I swear if you try to run I will go after you."
"I'm not going to run." She said shaking her head and looking down at the ground.
"I will. I will come after you." I knew what that look in her eyes meant, that she was tempted even if she was saying otherwise.
"I love you Jake, I won't go anywhere." But I could see in her eyes that something had broken inside her…
"I hurt you." I said softly, hating myself.
"I'll get over it." She replied, but I wasn't sure how….how did we get over this?
"If you want me to-" I trailed off but she shook her head.
"I'm not going to force you Jacob." She said it with an edge to her voice that killed me. I didn't know how to fix this….I'd up but she'd never realize that this wasn't just my fault.
"I-" I started, but I didn't' know what to say. "I love you." She lifted her hand and brushed her fingers against my cheekbone before trailing down my jaw.
"I know Jake. I'm sorry." she said quietly.
"What do you mean you're sorry?" I grabbed her hand and held it tight.
"I mean, I know I overreacted." she said quietly but I could tell she was still more than hurt. I swallowed as I eyed her suspiciously, trying to understand what she was thinking.
"Vi I swear, with that girl? It was all in your head." I had meant it to be reassuring but I was afraid it was more stupid.
"I'm done talking about it." she retorted flatly.
"Are you really going to work now?" I asked.
"I don't lie to you Jake." she answered and leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist as she buried her face into my neck.
"We have to get over this Vi, I can't lose you." I said seriously, leaning my chin against her head and hugging her tightly. I inhaled deeply.
"We will."
"Hey…." I swallowed as I looked at her, trying to think of what to say. "I didn't think you'd ever want to get married." It just came out of me, I knew I should be moving on trying to move past this but it was shocking to me.
"I didn't know myself really." She said in a voice so mouse like it wasn't my Violet at all.
"Is my love not going to be enough?" I asked, choking out the words since I felt like I was drowning. She shrugged.
"You don't think I deserve more?" I pulled her into me, holding her body against mine, a part of me thrilled that finally she thought she deserved anything, but another part terrified that I was the one she chose. I wasn't good enough for her, she had to realize that eventually….
"I do." I said, still trying not to literally break down as I spoke. "You deserve everything you want Vi. Everything."
"Don't leave me." She whispered against my chest. I didn't know what had come over us, I didn't know when we stepped out of our honeymoon phase and into real life….It wasn't easy.
"I'm not going anywhere." She tilted her head up just so slightly to peek at me.
"Promise." she choked out.
"I promise baby." I said in a reassuring tone even though I didn't feel reassured even a little myself. And then she was crying. Crying against my chest and I was helpless. What could I do?! I felt like I had said everything I could!
"I'm so sorry Jake." she breathed out, her voice muffled against the fabric on my shirt.
"No Vi, please..." I trailed off, holding her tighter against me. "Please baby don't cry. It will be fine."
"I don't want to be without you, it scares me." she managed to say as she tried to calm down, sounding like a broken record but if she needed me to reassure her a million times I would.
"Is that why…" I trailed off and she pushed her head farther into my chest and I set my hand on her hair. I knew Vi better than anyone. I'd seen her go through all her quirks and fads, but the biggest one was how she acted like she didn't have a care in the world, when I knew better. "Violet. This is forever. Us. We're forever." She pulled back and looked into my eyes.
"Forever is a really long time Jake." She said seriously. I pushed her bangs out of her eyes and smiled softly.
"I will never get sick of you. I will never get bored of you, I will love you even when we're both old and grey and that is a promise. I waited far too damn long to have you in my life, and I had a glimpse of what it would be like without you. It's not happening. I will not let it happen."
"Why?" she asked softly, almost timidly. I had to admit it was a new kind of vulnerability that I was seeing, and even though this was hard, even though I wasn't sure what was happening…a part of me felt…connected. Wasn't being totally vulnerable with someone what true intimacy was after all?
"Do I have to list all of the reasons I love you again?" I teased, lightening the mood and kissing her head. "It takes me too long." Vi smirked and set her hands on my chest.
"But I'm crazy and silly and-"
"And those things are both on the list. Hell baby, how could I ever even dream of getting bored when I'm so in love with such a crazy girl." She laughed again and her face got some of the color back into it. I tilted her face up. "You deserve everything that you want Vi. And if you think you want to get married someday? Then I'll be thrilled to marry you. But lets do it for the right reasons." Vi bit down on her bottom lip and nodded.
"Okay baby." She said eventually. I cupped her face in my hands, scanning her face and trying to read the look behind her eyes,
"Sure? You can tell me everything Vi...everything." I repeated.
"I know." she said simply and tilted her head to press a soft kiss on my lips.
"I love you." I whispered still against her lips.
"I love you too." she whispered back before setting her hands on my stomach and pulling away regretfully.
"Do you really have to go back to work? Can't you come home with me instead?" I asked softly.
"I have to." she sighed and kissed me again, "I'll come back soon, I promise."I swallowed and watched her start walking away but then I called after her.
"Vi!" she turned around, her hair blowing in the light wind and I was suddenly struck by how gorgeous she was. It was a little breathtaking honestly. I put my hands in my pockets and looked at the ground. Conflicted because I knew she wanted space, but I didn't want to give it to her. "Please don't go. Please come home with me. Please. I need you." And then it was my turn. Vulnerability at its fullest. Never had I needed anyone but myself. Never had I really told Vi how much I needed her. She blinked.
"But-" I walked back up to her, ready to beg her if it came to that.
"But nothing baby. Did you hear me? I need you with me." It looked like tears were about to form in her eyes and I held her face in my hands as I used my thumbs to wipe them away.
"Jake…" I shook my head.
"No tears baby. Just us. Come home and let me prove to you how much I need you."
"I need you too." She choked out. "Too much." I kissed her softly.
'It's not too much. You'll never be without me. But you're coming home with me now."
"I have to say something to work…" she trailed off, still not convinced until I narrowed my eyes.
"It's not a request anymore baby." I said seriously, holding out my phone. "Call work. Tell them you're sick, tell them anything because you're spending the rest of the day glued to me…and honestly probably tomorrow too."
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