you're amazing just the way you are

“Hey!” I sat down at the table Jax had at the back of my favorite restaurant which happened to be his favorite too.

“Hi.” He smiled and reached up to kiss me.

“I’m sorry I’m late, I had the clingiest client ever.” I sighed. Jax rose his brows at me in question and I laughed. “Some women are pretty indecisive about houses.” He nodded.

“It’s okay it’s only 10 minutes.” I nodded.

“How was your day?” I asked, grinning as the waiter brought over a glass of red wine. I didn’t even realize Jax knew I preferred red.

“It was long.” He admitted. “My boss is an idiot. He’d make much more money and save much more time doing things differently but he’s too stubborn and old fashioned.”

“I’m guessing your way is the right way?” I teased, knowing how stubborn he was. In an adorable way not an as.shole way.

“It is.” He grinned.

“See I have that problem all the time. Once a month my boss is a total bit.ch.” Jax blinked at me.

“You’re the boss Colbie.” He said, a silly look on his face.

“Ahh and once a month I’m barely able to stand myself.” I laughed and he shook his head.

“I’m sure you’re an angel always.” He replied, always putting me up on a pedestal I didn’t deserve to be on.

“Not always.” I teased, remembering the little strip tease I’d given him the night before, complete with cherry red lingerie and matching lipstick that ended up all over his body. My toes curled and I had to press my thighs together to relieve the ache as I thought about it.

“Damn it Colbie we’ve been here for less than 5 minutes. Please let me make it through a date before I have to ravage you again.” He was teasing me but his eyes were so serious it sent a thrill through my body and I squeezed my thighs together again.

“Colbie!” I looked up to see a former client coming up to my table. A wealthy lawyer, I’d sold him a 1.3 million dollar house on the coast just last summer.

“Mr. Sullivan, so nice to see you.”

“How many times have I told you to call me Matt?” He grinned and I felt my face flush. I knew he’d had a little crush on me. “Now when are you going to come visit me? I’ve got the place furnished nicely. New hot tub and everything.” He winked at me and I felt Jax shift.

“Oh god, sorry. Jackson this is Mr. Sullivan.” He cleared his throat and I gave him a half hearted smile. “Sorry, Matt Sullivan. Matt this is my boyfriend Jackson Cole.” The words came out of my mouth before I could realize it and then I felt my eyes widen as fast as Jax’s did. Oh shi.t. He wasn’t even remotely my boyfriend, we hadn’t talked about that, hell no one even knew we were sleeping together except Travis and Lila. Fuc.k what was wrong with me and my big mouth?!

"Nice to meet you." He said, pulling away from me to shake his hand and look him in the eye. Ignoring the inner freak out I was having.

"Have a nice dinner." He said back before turning to smile at me. "I'll see you soon hopefully." I felt my face flush in embarrassment at the whole situation as he walked away. Jax didn’t say anything. He was looking at me in a way I couldn’t read at all.

"Are you mad?" I asked finally. He shook his head but the smile he gave me was half-hearted at best.

"What do you want?" he asked, grabbing the menu and reading through it. Seriously?

"I'm not sure." I said slowly and glanced at the menu herself before dropping in on the table. "Jax. Talk to me...I'm sorry if I said-"

"He likes you." Jax interrupted before reaching for his glass and taking a sip of wine.

"He has a crush on me I think." I shrugged. He nodded and I could feel him trying to read me, but I wanted to know his thoughts instead.

"Do you like him?"

"We went out a few times but there was nothing there." I shrugged, running my hands through my hair because what the hell did other guys matter right now?

"Got it." He nodded and looked away from me again. I can’t believe we weren’t talking about this. He was basically ignoring it as if nothing had happened. "I think I'll take my usual."

“Okay.” I nodded feeling breathless with how stupid I was but also at his reaction.

“What about you? Do you want more wine?” I nodded enthusiastically. I wanted a whole damn bottle if this was how tonight started I couldn’t wait to see how it progressed. Jackson called over the waiter and ordered more drinks along with his food and whatever I pointed to on the menu.

“Thanks.” I smiled at the waiter and he rushed off to help other tables before I looked back at Jackson.

“What is he…a doctor?” Jax asked. I shook my head.

“Big business lawyer. The house I sold him was gorgeous.” Jax nodded but didn’t say anything so I just kept talking. “Not really my taste though. If I could live anywhere I think it’d be a little bungalow on the beach or if money wasn’t a problem a penthouse in the city.” Jax looked like he was only half listening. “I like to have good views.” I finished lamely.

“That doesn’t surprise me.” He said.

“Okay stop this. We’re acting like nothing happened and it did.” I begged him.

“It’s not a big deal Colbie.” He shrugged.

“See I knew this would happen. The minute I actually get close you freak out. Why do you think I’ve been moving so slow? One little slip up and you’re super weird. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes.”

“Colbie what are you talking about?” Jax asked, his brows furrowed together.

“Do you just like me because I’m hard to get? Is that it? Because you pull away the moment I even mention that we might be more than friends to someone else.”

“You weren’t even being serious. You told that guy that because it was easier than calling me your fu.ck buddy. Because it made him leave the awkward situation. Though with you blushing all over him I’m not sure why you wanted him to go.”

“IF I was blushing it’s because I’m uncomfortable with his attention.” I admitted.

“Still. You didn’t mean it.”

“I might not have meant to say it, but for all intents and purposes? You are my boyfriend Jackson. So either take that bit of information like a man, or get up and leave.” Jax opened his mouth like he was going to respond but then he stopped and just stared at me. I felt like my heart was beating a million times a minute. If he walked away? I think it would stop all together.

"Why are you getting mad?" he asked finally, frowning a little too.

"Because all my fears are becoming true." I felt my fingers running through my hair again like a crazy person.

"Your fears?"

"Yes. That you'd get tired of me as soon as it's not fun to have a new toy to play with anymore." I explained quickly and reached to down the rest of my wine. He stopped me, grabbing my wrist and leaning in to look at me with his stupid perfect eyes.

"Baby." he said gently, making me almost choke on my breath.

"How can you call me baby when you're already ready to be done with me?"

"The idea you have of me in your head is very different from how I am really." he started, his thumb brushing my hand. "And it still surprises me because I've been trying to let you know me for the last few weeks and I don't think I ever did anything wrong or act like I was getting tired of you...did I?" I shook my head, running my teeth over my bottom lip before I spoke again.

“But what are you doing with someone like me?"

"Someone so smart, fun and beautiful?" he raised one eyebrow at me as he offered a small smirk, "I really have no idea."

"I'm serious Jax." I leaned back in my seat, speaking quietly.

"So am I." he nodded as his hand slid down grab mine. “I don't understand why you're getting mad. Should I remind you how many times you pushed me away? Or how less than one week ago I asked you if we were a couple because I wanted us to be and you said no? Or when my family assumed we were dating and you didn't even say a word? I don't even want to use that against you, but I really want you to understand that I'm not going anywhere and I want to be with you. I've been wanting that for a while now."

“Seriously?” I asked, blinking back at him.

“I’m confused Colbie, what about us has told you that I have one foot out the door? Have I ever even looked at another woman when we’re together? Even when we’re not together. How did you get such a bad impression of me.”

“Come on Jax, seriously tell me that you’ve wanted this from another woman.” He shook his head.

“I haven’t. But you aren’t just any woman.”

“Because I said no to you.” I reminded him, knowing men always wanted the things they couldn’t have.

“No. Because you are the kind of woman I want to be with.”

“So….” I licked my lips as I waited.

“So what?” He questioned, still massaging my hand in the soothing way that was so Jax. It was one of the things I loved about him, he calmed me more than anyone I knew. Oh my god. One of the things I loved….loved. I blinked as I looked at the man in front of me, realizing how hard I was falling for him.

“I’m so scared Jax.” I whispered, being knocked breathless by my thoughts. Jax stood up to move into my side of the booth.

“Of what?” I swallowed.

“I’m scared that if we don’t work my heart will break and I won’t be able to get over it.” I admitted. “When I found out about Nick cheating I was almost relieved. I didn’t mourn the loss of him at all, I was more angry than sad but Jax. You mean so much more to me.”

“Colbie.” My name was almost a moan on his lips and I felt almost suffocated for how frightened of this I was.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been pushing you away. I just didn’t know how to handle how I felt. I still don’t. I don’t know what to tell my family, or yours, I don’t know how to tell Will and I don’t know how to integrate you into his life or even if I should. This is so new to me Jax.” He wrapped his arms around me, using his hand to lift my chin so I could look in his eyes.

"I don't have any answer Colbie. We'll have to learn together." he said quietly.

"It sounds the perfect recipe for a disaster." I commented slowly, feeling so exposed with how honest I was being, but the adoration I saw in his eyes? It was so real.

"I don't understand why you're so negative." he said simply and when I parted my lips to speak he cut me off quickly. "I know. I know...it didn't go too well last time for you, did it?" I shook my head.

"I have to think about Will too, any decision I take affects his life too. I have to be a good mom before everything else." Jax nodded as he ran his hand up and down my arm, soothing me even while I could see his brain working.

"Look, I get that. I do. And I don't know if you should tell Will or integrate me into his life, it's up to you and I'll be okay with whatever you want. I like the kid, it's not like I don't know him...but I understand that you have to protect him. And for your family, do you want to tell them? Do it. Do you want me to meet them? I will. You don't want that? That's okay too." he shrugged.

"I wouldn't even know what to tell them." I confessed in a sigh, leaning into his hard body and closing my eyes a moment.

"Is guess it depends."

"On what?" I asked in a breathy voice.

"If we're together or not." I took a deep breath. This was it Colbie. Time to do something for you. Jax was a good man, a much better one than Nick. He would be a good example for my son and he makes you so why are you balking every time?!

“I’m yours Jax.” I whispered. ‘I think I have been since you first came on to me and I laughed.” I admitted, a little smile on my face as his lit up.

“Damn right.” And then he was kissing me, long and hard and completely inappropriate for the setting but I didn’t care. I loved it.

“Um.” Our waiter had plates of food and Jax pulled himself away from me to smile at him.

“You can leave those there.” He said, practically shooing him away. The young guy blushed and then Jax was kissing me as I laughed a little against his lips.

“If I’m yours that means you’re mine.” I whispered. He nodded.

“I am.” He agreed.

“I can be high maintenance.” I warned him. “I like flowers and chocolates and long walks on the beach.” I teased but I was also testing him. He just looked at me.

“You like lattes and cupcakes and trips to Napa.” He corrected. I just stared at him.

“How did you even know about Napa?” I asked, smirking at him.

“Your assistant mentioned it might be the way to your heart.” He teased and I laughed that he’d asked Ray for information on me. That was adorable. Just like him.

“I still like the beach too.” I admitted.

“I do too.” He kissed me again and I pulled him closer, tangling my fingers in his hair.

“I want to tell people you’re mine. I want everyone to know Jax. I would wear a shirt with your picture and a heart around it if that wasn’t so lame.” It was Jax’s turn to laugh.

“You’d have to find a real good picture.” He pinned me with a sexy stare and I laughed with him.

“All pictures of you are good ones.”

“Yeah but if you’re trying to show me off I should be shirtless or something.” I laughed again, glad to see the Jax I had fallen for was back.

‘I want to claim you as mine not have other people drooling over you.”

“Okay to compromise you give me a picture of you shirtless.” I shook my head.

“Sure, you can take it later.” I winked at him.

"Later, uh?" he smirked at me and his face was so bright I couldn’t help but catch his excitement, though it might just be all my own. I hadn’t felt so giddy about a guy….ever.  

"Yes, later when I'll be all naked in your bed." I said and wriggled a little in his hold, "Now let me eat, I need energy for tonight." He laughed and pulled back, sliding into his seat as we both started eating but still watching me intently.

"What?" I asked after swallowing.

"I said nothing." he shrugged innocently.

"You're looking at me weird!" I retorted, feeling my silly smile get brighter still.

"I'm just really excited." He confessed and god when had someone wanted me like this? Never, "I know I sound lame. But damn Colbie I haven't wanted someone like I want you...I don't know, maybe ever. And now that you're finally letting me be your man...wow, just wow."

"You're making me melt Jax." I admitted.

"Oh I will." He told me seriously then grinned again.

"Silly." I commented shortly before eating my food. It was delicious, but Jax was even better, I felt drunk on us as he refilled my wine glass.

"Let's be serious for a moment again." He said finally reading my expression before he clarified himself. "Nothing to worry about."

"I hope so, I don't want to worry for a while." I commented as I sipped my wine.

"Actually, do you remember before when you said you wouldn't know what to say to your family or mine?" he asked even though it wasn't really a question.

"Yes, go on."

 "The other night, when we were at my parents." he paused to take a drink, "They saw us kissing. So I don't think you have to worry about what to tell them, I'm sure they did the math already."

“They-“ I blinked. “What?”

“Out the front window. I got an earful from my mother about not letting her know.” He smirked but I was still processing his words.

“Like….your whole family? Because if Rob saw then he’s going to tell Will and-“ Jax grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

“Baby, Will was there.” I felt like I was going to throw up. Not because I was embarrassed or because I didn’t want people to know but because I should be the one to tell him.

“He what?!”

“He knows baby…I’m sorry you weren’t the one who got to tell him.”

“Oh god.” I set my head in my hands. “He has a father who’s a cheating bastard and a mother who makes out with strangers at parties!”

“Colbie. I’m not a stranger.”

“I went home with you!!!! I’m the worst mother on the planet!” Jax shook his head.

“According to my mother your son was okay with it. He was glad you were focusing on yourself and he said it was about time you got back on that horse.” He was wincing when he said it but suddenly I was laughing. “I feel like this isn’t the reaction I was expecting.”

“He read my book on divorce! That’s what it says on the front page!” My son was always reading whatever he could find. I learned the hard way not to keep women’s magazines around in order to avoid him asking me about my menstrual cycle.

“You have a book on divorce? And your son read it?” I shrugged.

“He reads everything. He’s a little weird.” I admitted. “So he wasn’t horribly embarrassed?” Jax shrugged.

“I wasn’t there Colbie I was also kissing.” He smirked at me and I took a deep breath.

“Do you want to be a part of Will’s life too?” I asked, knowing it was a serious question. Bringing him into Will’s life meant that I thought we were going to last. It was moving fast but so had my whole life so what else was new? He nodded and smiled at me, looking surprised but pleased at the same time, not frightened at all.

"Yes." he answered simply, showing no hesitation.

"Really?" He nodded again as he grabbed my hand, squeezing it before talking.

"I said I want to be with you and since you have a son I knew that meant I was going to be with him too in a way."

"Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?" I asked slowly, chuckling even though I was frightened…but not as much as before.

"I'm positive I don't." he grinned as he held her hand tighter, "I know your son already though. I have a nephew who's his same age...that could help. I think."

 "Will is really different from Rob, but yes I guess it could."

"It's not like he's a baby or a kid Colbie.” He explained. "If he was just a little boy? It'd be harder. He's a teen already and a very smart one."

"He's still a baby to me and my priority number one." I said just as seriously.

"I don't expect that to change..." he trailed off, "I don't expect you to change the rules, I don't expect you to let me sleep with you every night or let me come over whenever I want. Which would be always, just to let you know." he paused to grin and press a kiss against my knuckles, "He'll probably needs time to get used to the idea of us, just like his mom did."

“Does your family think it’s a terrible idea?” I asked, taking a sip of wine to calm the mix of excitement and nervousness I was feeling.

“No.” he frowned at me. “They think you’re wonderful Colbie why would you think that?” I shrugged.

“Travis doesn’t seem to think so.” I knew his youngest brother was the most pessimistic of the Cole family, but I also knew how close he was to Jax and that his opinion had to mean something.

“Travis is paranoid.” He shrugged. “He always is.” I nodded and took another bite of my food, which was delicious but I was hardly tasting it for how much emotion I was feeling.

“Did he say something to you about us?” I asked, remembering his warning not to fu.ck with his brother. I hadn’t realized that I had been until that moment.

“He warned me that what happens with us affects more people than just you and me.” He said honestly.

“Like Will.” I agreed, whatever I did affected my son, including dating. But Jackson was a good man and I’d been fooling myself into thinking that I didn’t want more than what we had now.

“Will, yes.” He nodded. “But I’m sure he’s also thinking about him and Lila.” I blinked.

“What do you mean?” He shrugged and took a sip of wine himself.

“He’s in love with Lila. He just got her back and he doesn’t want tension between them. If you and I weren’t able to work out then it could be awkward and cause that tension.” I scoffed at him.

“Lila and Travis’s relationship has nothing to do with ours.” Jax smiled at me, a brilliant smile that took my breath away.

“I know that baby. I think Travis’ initial worry was that I’d be a jacka.ss and then Lila would have to hate me for you and Travis would get in the middle. He didn’t know how serious I was…how serious I am about you.” I nodded.

“He figured it out.” I said to my plate. “Now he thinks I’ll be the one to hurt you.” Jax squeezed my hand again.

“What are you talking about?” I shrugged.

“He just…he warned me not to play games with you.”

"But you're not playing games with me so why are you worrying?" Jax asked softly as he looked deep into my eyes, his thumb tracing circles on the palm of my hand absentmindedly.

"I'm not playing games, how could I?" I was pretty sure I didn’t even know how.

"I know Colbie." He replied quickly. "And as long as I know, you shouldn't think about what other people think."

"But Travis is not other people, it's your family." I explained, "And Lila's boyfriend. And your friend too."

 "I don't really care about what Travis think." He replied bluntly. I widened my eyes at him because my family made a huge difference in my life.

"That's impossible."

"I mean, I do, of course I do." he paused and shook his head, "But if I know he's wrong? I'll let time prove him that. He's so stubborn he wouldn't change his mind anyway."

"Do...do you think I'm going to hurt you?" I asked in a small voice.

"I'm a big guy Colbie, I can handle some pain." He winked at me, like he was joking but I could read through it.

“I have already haven’t I?” Jax shrugged.

“Maybe I deserved it.” I shook my head.

“No you’re wonderful to me and I kept pretending like I wasn’t falling for you.” Jax widened his eyes and reached out to cup my face, running his thumb across my lips.

“Are you?” I nodded, leaning into his touch and letting my eyes close.

“Yes.” I breathed out, feeling relief course through my body at being honest.

“How’s everything tasting?” Our waiter grinned at us but Jax never even looked away from me as he reached for a credit card.

“If you could box the rest up for us, we have an appointment to get to.” He nodded, taking our plates and his card while Jax stared at me with such adoration in his eyes I felt myself melting.

“Are we going to a movie or something?” I asked with a smile, looking down at my watch.

“No I’m taking you to my bed. If I make it that far.” I felt my eyes widen as heat spread through my body.

“I bet this place has a bathroom.” I replied, my voice breathy as I watched his gaze darken and intensify.

“Don’t tempt me.” His usually casual fun voice was so much lower and I visibly shivered at the sound.

“I like tempting you.” I admitted, feeling myself blushing for an entirely different and much better reason. He reached for my cheek and brushed his thumb against it.

"You do a lot...I'm bad at resisting you." I set my hand on top of his and looked deep into his eyes that had always captured me.

"Lucky me." The waiter came back with our food and Jax grabbed it before he pulled me out of my seat and lead me out of the restaurant, possessively resting his hand on my back, thrilling and terrifying me all at the same time.   

"Is it okay if we take my car?" he asked.

"Take me wherever you want Jax." I said seriously. "I've never been to your house." I added a moment later. He grinned and let go of my hand to let me get into his truck.

"There's a first time for everything." He said as he pulled off. I turned towards him, Will was coming home tomorrow and I wanted to make sure I was on my regular schedule with him. He came first. Always.

“I can't sleep with you tonight." I pouted, since I really liked waking up with him.

"I know baby, I'll take you back home before my car could turn into a pumpkin." he smiled as he dropped his hand on my thigh to squeeze it, "Next time you will. No worries."

“What do you mean?” I blinked over at him. “I can’t spend the night with you when Will is home.” Jax nodded.

“I know I mean you will when you can.” He squeezed my hand but I saw some tension in his body as he drove his huge truck with the ease of driving my sisters tiny Beetle.

“Right.” I smiled. “And eventually when Will is home you can sleep at our place.” I added, feeling like with a label on our relationship I could start moving forward to how I wanted to be with Jax. I saw the tension immediately leave his body as he grinned.

“I hear he makes a good cup of coffee in the morning.” I laughed.

“Will found out a long time ago that Mom is in a better mood if she’s had some.” Jax grinned as he pulled into a residential street and parked.

“I found that out too.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against me softly, and so sweetly I felt like I might be floating in my seat. Was this was it was supposed to feel like? I remembered being excited in high school about being with Nick, thinking he was good looking and loving the attention he gave me. But this was completely different. I felt literally high on life when I was with Jax, I wanted to be better so I could live up to being his girlfriend.

“How many girlfriends have you had?” I asked, not out of jealousy but really wondering how many times he’d felt something more than lust for a woman.

“How many have you had?” He quirked a brow and I grinned.

“None. I’m not into girls.” Jax rolled his eyes and I laughed since I wasn’t usually such a smartass but he made me want to be silly again. He grabbed my hand and walked me to his house which kind of reminded me of the new one Lila had just moved into. It was smaller than mine, of course I had a kid so there weren’t toys strewn everywhere in the yard.

"Lila's the smarta.ss, not you." He smirked.

"What am I instead?"

"Smart, gorgeous, fun...mine." he shrugged as a thrill went through me at his words. Mine. It was more than true. Oh shit was he still talking?

"Three what?" I asked, thinking that’s what I’d heard but he just let out a laugh and cupped my face before kissing me and making me forget everything but his touch.

"Nothing baby." he smiled against my mouth.

"Show me your room." I whispered. Jax picked me up faster than I could argue, his hands cupping my ass. "Jax! You don't always have to carry me everywhere!" He nuzzled against my neck as he walked through his house.

"It's just an excuse to touch you." he teased.

"You don't need one..." I trailed off, wrapping my arms around his neck tight as he stepped into his bedroom. "I like it here." I added, though I wasn’t even looking at anything but him as he set me on his bed and hovered over me.

"Good, because I plan to make you spend here a lot of time." I ran my hands through his hair before tracing the line of his jaw with my fingers He kissed me and I reveled in it.

"Is it the first time you plan that with a girl?" I asked, grinning because this time I knew I was the girl he wanted over all the others. I didn’t know how I got to be that lucky but who cared? It was true.

"Here? Yes." He smiled, "Before you I've been numb for a long time, now I finally feel."