i'm screaming out loud to guide me give me your strength

i'm screaming out loud to guide me give me your strength by ssaarah

Colbie

I reached out to knock on the Cole’s door but before I could Jax opened it with a big grin on his face.

"Hi." he said quietly, not complimenting me like he usually did but I blushed as his eyes raked over my body appreciatively.

"Hi Jackson." I said back softly, just standing there. He leaned in to kiss my cheek softly and then looked down at Will who was smiling up at him.

"Hey Will." he paused as he motioned for them to come inside, "Everyone's in the living room."

"And Rob is playing GT 6." My son said back with a grin on his face as he headed to the other room. I turned to Jax.

"What's GT 6?"

"Gran Turismo, a video game." He explained and I made a note to myself to make sure that wasn’t one of the games where you ran over hookers and shot at cops. I went to follow Will but before I could Jax wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and pulled me against his broad chest.

"Jax!" I felt his breath on my neck before his lips hit me and ugh it made me melt even if I knew it wasn’t the place.

"Will is already out of sight. I missed you baby." He muttered against my neck, holding me tight and nipping at my skin making me wish we were alone and not in a house full of family.

"You saw me two days ago..." I trailed off but I was happy he felt the same way. I didn’t like going even that long without seeing him. I was pulled out of my thoughts when he slid his hand down to my thigh slowy. "Jackson!" I protested again.

"Kiss me and I promise I'll behave for the rest of the night." He offered, nuzzling my neck and not letting go.

“I don’t even believe you.” I laughed and his fingers moved higher up my skirt and I knew if he actually touched me I’d be a goner so I turned in his arms and reached up to kiss his cheek.

“Not what I meant. I guess I’ll have to misbehave instead.” He shrugged and I cupped his face, pulling his mouth against mine and misbehaving a little myself as I slipped my tongue into his mouth and sighed as I tasted him.

“Colbie.”

“Huh. I don’t see any mistletoe.” I pulled away as I heard Lila’s voice, turning red from getting caught. At least it had only been my sister, the only person who actually knew about Jackson and I.

“Hey Lila.” Jax grinned.

“How come you never kiss me like that?” Travis teased, poking her side before she rolled her eyes.

“I kiss you better than that.” She smirked and he laughed before whispering something into her ear that made her blush. And Lila rarely blushed. But the way Travis was looking at her? Hell I wanted to blush.

“The only way that could be better is if it was a little lower.” Jax winked and now I knew I was red as Lila bust out laughing and Travis shook his head, a smile on his face that told me he was used to this from his big brother.

“You wish.” I teased. “There’s wine here right?” I was going to need it if I was going to spend an entire night with Jax and not touch him.

“In with mom and dad in the kitchen.” Travis nodded behind him.

“I’ll get you some.” Jax grinned, squeezing my hand and grinning. Ugh he was so adorably hot when he grinned. Was that a thing? I was starting to think Jax was part sex god, part puppy dog.

“I could use some wine too.” Lila smiled as she leaned back against Travis who wrapped his arm around her instantly, even pulling her a little closer.

“Then maybe we should stop hiding in the hallway and join the rest of the group.” Trav joked, making me go red again.

Lila

I watched as Colbie pulled her hand out of Jax’s and walked a ways away. Jax’s face fell a little but he seemed to recover quickly.

“Colbie! So glad you and Will could make it.” Mrs. Cole was a lovely woman. She reminded me a lot of my own mother in so many ways.

“Thanks for inviting us.” She smiled.

“You look lovely by the way. What a pretty dress.” Colbie looked down at herself and I found myself admiring it too, though with Colbie’s body she could pretty much wear anything and look like a pin up model. For some reason my mother’s curves had skipped me and only gone to Colbie.

“Yeah it’s gorgeous.” She smiled.

“Thanks. It was a Christmas gift.” She blushed as her eyes flashed to Jax’s and gave him an impressed face. I didn’t know he had such good taste in women’s clothing. Though I was pretty sure it was more the body underneath it that he was interested in. I shot Travis a look, who had been tuning out the boring chit chat and was sipping a beer as he ran his hand up and down my arm.

“Have you talked to him yet?’ I asked softly. He shook his head. I hadn’t talked to Jax yet either and though I knew how Colbie felt I’d like to know how he felt too. This thing between them could go two ways. Awesome…or awful.

"Did you?" I asked back, half expecting her to said yes because they talked a lot. Someone could think it was good that my brother was so close with my girlfriend, that he'd tell me things she shared with him, instead no. It was both good and bad, but mostly good.
She shook her head herself, her eyes moving to Jax who stared at Colbie like she was the only girl in the word. It was a terrifying look to see on my brother’s face. "Every time we tried to talk either he was busy or I was." She sighed.
I shot her a grin, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and kissing her cheek, "Busy with me I hope." I said against her ear, feeling her body trembling when a giggle escaped her. Damn, I was in love with the cutest girl on earth.

Colbie

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" I asked super soft, making sure no one else was paying any attention to us. He took a step closer but didn’t reach out to touch me. A part of me was glad but the other part missed his touch. Instead he slid his hands into his pockets.

"Because I wish I could touch you like Trav is touching Lila." he answered, shrugging slowly and making me want to go towards him too. I licked my lips and sighed, doing what I did best. Pushing him away.


"But we're not even together." I retorted.

"Am I still on trial?" he asked, still grinning at me as I rolled my eyes.

"Will is only in the other room." I said softly, using the only subject he couldn’t argue with me about, even though it was a good reason too.


"Jax told me you didn't feel good last week." His mom cut into the conversation wearing her usual soft smile, "I'm glad to see you're better now." I just blinked at her. Was he telling his mother about me? Did she know? Was she okay with it?

"It was only a bad headache." I smiled back at his mom as we both followed her to the living room, but I turned my head back to Jax in silent question which he just shrugged to, that damn smirk still on his face.

"I gave you the right medicine." he whispered, which made me roll my eyes once again but feel heat flush through my body. Until I saw my son and just felt guilt. I should be focusing on him. Jax plopped down on the couch behind the kids as I just stared at everyone.

"Rob, you can do better than that." Jax teased his nephew

"Hey, thank you for being on my team." Will said back sarcastically, grunting a little and shaking his head and showing the same competitive attitude he had on the rugby field. My son was a firecracker, and too smart for his own good.

“Hey Colbie, so nice to see you.” Liz said, coming up behind me with her husband and giving me a quick hug before I got the same treatment from Adam who was even taller than Jax. The Cole men were just gorgeous. There was no other way around it. Though Adam was obviously the family man. A little more clean cut, a little more restrained. At least from what I could see.

"Thank you a.sshole, I-" I heard Rob’s voice over the noise of the game and watched as his father smacked his neck lightly.

"One more and you're going back home." He warned him. I furrowed my brows as I tried not to laugh at the exchange.

"Is it always like this?" I asked. I’d never heard Will curse before. Ever.

"No, it's usually worse." Lila interjected, taking the spot next to Jax on the couch and letting out a small laugh.

"With worse, she means better." Jax teased, looking from her to me, still grinning. I laughed as I sat down next to Jax and my sister, feeling a little more at ease as the night went on.

"Dealing with so many boys is hard."

"It is, even when they're grown up men." His mom sighed but she was smirked as she started going back and forth from the kitchen carrying different snacks every time. Jax reached out and pretended to stretch before wrapping his arms around both me and Lila.

"She must be talking about the other two. I'm basically a saint." he grinned.

"A saint my ass." Travis raised one eyebrow at Jax, sipping his beer as he watched him closely.
Rob turned around suddenly, motioning to Travis.

"See? It's his fault! He's not a good example for me."

Lila

Travis reached down to smack Robs head playfully again.

"Be better instead of copying me." He pointed out, his eyes serious. My nephew meanwhile was laughing and shaking his head at his friend.

"Listen to your uncle, he's right." Liz walked back into the room, winking at Travis.

"Where's Poppy?" I asked, missing the little ball of sunshine.

"She's taking a nap." She sighed, "She didn't want to, she said she wanted to play with Trav instead." My boyfriend shrugged with a smile on his face.

"What can I do, everybody loves me."

"You wish." Adam pointed out, looking vaguely amused, "I hope my daughter develops a better taste in men. No offense Lila." I smirked even bigger than my cocky man.

"None taken." I answered nonchalantly before looking to Colbie to explain, "Trav is crazy for Poppy, you should see him when he lets her do his hair."


"You can't give my secrets away like that, I have a reputation." He protested as he looked over at me, his eyes telling me he wanted me near him. I loved that look.

Colbie

“Your secrets are safe with me.” I laughed.

“That Poppy has Travis wrapped around all her little fingers? That’s no secret doll.” Mrs. Cole grinned as she pat her youngest son on the back.

“She has everyone wrapped around her little fingers.” Travis said, rolling his eyes.

“Yours too.” Will turned to Rob. “You even let her win at Mario!” Rob glared at Will who shrugged.

“What? You do.”

“I like when she’s happy.” Rob muttered, turning to the tv.

“Will I ever have a sister mom?” Will asked me, making me widen my eyes at him and Jackson stiffen beside me.

“Do you want one?” I asked. If I was being honest? I wanted more kids, not as many as my family had but maybe a few more. Nick hadn’t wanted another. Will shrugged.

“Maybe someday.” He looked to Rob. “Do you like having a sister.” Rob made a face.

“Sometimes. Sometimes she’s such a baby.” Will laughed.

“Duh, she is a baby.” He shook his head and turned back to the video games he was playing, leaving me to think about how he’d just admitted to wanting a sibling.

“Boys, once you finish whatever game you’re on we’re going to eat okay?” Rob and Will nodded.

“Mom can I sleep over with Rob?” I sighed.

“Again?”

“Please? I won’t see him over break because I’ll be with Uncle Parker!” I turned to his mom

“Aren’t you sick of having him at your place yet?” I asked her only half kidding.

“No way, he’s a great influence on my little trouble maker, Will makes Rob go to bed at 9 and then in the morning he makes us coffee.” I laughed.

“He does make a good cup of coffee.”

Lila

“Well then I guess it’s okay.” She sighed. I knew Colbie hated being home alone. If she hadn’t had Will we probably would have lived together when Nick left her. Hell I almost asked to move in even with Will there, but I knew she’d never want that much help.

“Yay!!! Thank you!” Will grinned so big and I could see our dad in his smile which always killed me.

“Baby?” Travis shot me a concerned look and I turned to grin at him.

“Time to eat?”

“Yes it is!” Trav’s mom led us into the kitchen.

“I’ll be right there I’m going to talk to Romeo for a minute.” Travis said, kissing my cheek and nodding over to where Jax was whispering into Colbie’s ear. I nodded.

“Jax.” Travis walked towards the living room and his brother kissed Colbie quickly before he followed him.

“There seems to be a lot of kissing going on.” I teased as Colbie walked up to me with red cheeks.

“Yeah he really needs to stop doing that when Will’s around.” She said, though she seemed more happy about it than annoyed.

“He coming over tonight?” I smirked at her and she nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Great you can finally use the new lingerie you bought with me like a year ago.” Colbie widened her eyes.

“I’d forgotten about that.” She admitted and I was sure she had. I’d forced her to go out and buy it to help get her sexy back after Nick left, but it seemed what she really needed was a 6 foot tall gorgeous blonde with a great personality.

“I figured.” I laughed.

“Do you think I should? Do you think it will still fit me?” She looked down and I groaned at her.

“Yes. And yes, you haven’t gained a pound.” Colbie blushed and I didn’t really want to know what she was thinking.

“Ready to eat?” Jax came into the hallway and past us to get to the kitchen, running his hand down Colbie’s arm on the way. The Cole men certainly were affectionate.

Lila

I looked over at my boyfriend as we sat at the big table in the middle of the room.

"What?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. I leaned into him, setting my hand on his arm.

"What did you say to Jax?" She whispered into my ear.

"No one ever told you you shouldn't talk to someone's hear when you're with other people?" Jax voice cut into the conversation and Trav just glared at him.

"Lila's still so young, we can forgive her." Adam interjected with a big grin on his face, winking at me. All the Cole men were the same. The same damn sense of humor. I just sighed.

"You too now?! I'm not that young!" I protested.

"She might be young but she's better mannered than you guys." Their Dad said, grinning at me as he reached for a plate full of food, sending me a big grin that had me blushing. If Travis aged like his father? He was just going to bet better and better.

"Thank you for pointing that out Mr. Cole." I said sweetly, smirking at how he filled his wifes plate before even thinking about his own.

"Don't call him that, he'll feel too old instead." His mom interjected, but I was too busy ignoring the sexy look my boyfriend was giving me.

"He's not old, he's ancient."

Colbie

"We'll see if you age as well as me when you'll be ancient." Their dad retorted, pointing his fork at Travis. I felt so at ease here, it was just like dinner with my own family, except much less people. And where I usually blended into the background with my larger than life siblings? Here I was the center of at least one person’s attention. Jax’s hand set on my knee and I stiffened even as heat flooded my body from his touch.

"He already looks older than Adam and me." Jax interjected, laughing at his brother.

"Because he smokes." His mom glared at her youngest, showing her disapproved like I’m sure she always did.

"I'm surprised Lila didn't convince you to quit yet." I said cheerfully, shooting a knowing glance at my sister.

"I tried but he's the most stubborn man on earth." She pouted, looking adorable as usual.

"Ugh you're making me want to get up and have a cigarette." Travis groaned between bites, but still looking adoringly at Lila.

"Remember boys, never do what Travis does." Jax grinned, looking at Rob and Will

"And we should do what you do instead?" Rob asked sarcastically. "Ha!" Jax sighed and moved his eyes to my son.

"You're the only hope left."

"Mom would ground me for forever if I did." He said with a grin as he looked at me.

“You’re right about that.” I agreed.

“Is there pie?” Will asked Mrs. Cole who grinned.

“Yes but it’s still cooling. Go play outside until it’s ready.”

“Okay!” Rob grinned, happy to get away from the adults. “Come on Will I got new laser guns for Christmas!”

“Oh my god really!?” Will followed him outside with a thrilled look on his face.

“Who the fuc.k got my kid laser guns?” Adam glared at his brothers and I tried not to laugh as Jax shook his head and pointed to Travis who was rolling his yes.

“Adam. There are ladies around.” His dad said, smacking his shoulder.

“Oh please, Lila curses like a sailor.” Lil shrugged because it was true. Then again we were raised by boys mostly. Swearing wasn’t exactly something my mom cared about as long as we weren’t hurting feelings.

“Yeah but Colbie’s a good girl.” Trav winked at me and I laughed.

“Oh yeah, that’s me.” I lied, thinking that my position was so different than in high school. Back then Lila had been the princess, the baby, the girl who was never allowed to get into trouble because someone was always watching her. I was the bad one. That switched after I got married and boring and she went off to college to be an artist. Now I was the one going to her to learn about being bad.

“You sure about that?” Jax asked me, a killer grin on his already gorgeous face. All the Cole men were gorgeous but when I’d first seen Jax? He was like every fantasy I’d ever had come to life. And that was before I’d seen him naked.

Lila
“HA!” I shouted. “Colbie’s no good girl.”

“Must be a Trenton family trait.” Travis drawled as he wiggled his brows at me and I shivered. I wondered if I’d ever stop being affected by him. Right now I wanted to find the nearest room and just glue myself to him.

“Don’t go telling on me now baby sis, I have stories about you that are just as bad.” Colbie pointed out.

“Oh really?” My boyfriend perked up. “Like what?”

“Oh well how about when she used to smoke?” Colbie started, making me drop my jaw and Jax start laughing.

“You are such a big mouth!”

“And you get on me all the time.” Travis shook his head. I did, mostly because the smell made me crave them.

“I quit when I was like 20.” I rolled my eyes. “And I learned it from you!” I pointed to my sister who shrugged.

“What are big sisters for than to be a bad influence on their siblings?” Everyone laughed.

“Travis learned how to be bad all by himself. I was always the good boy.” He grinned but something about him made me think that wasn’t entirely true.

“Sure you were.” His mom nodded. “Even the time when the cops brought you home half naked coming back from Liz’s at 3 in the morning. How old were you? 17?” Everyone started laughing, even Liz.

“My parents came home early and Adam knew my dad would kill him so he jumped out of the window in just his boxers.” She snorted.

“That was your fault.” Adam glared at his wife but it was lovingly.

“You two are so sweet, falling in love in high school.” I admitted. Knowing someone was the one without having been with anyone else? That took real faith, real love.

Colbie

"We were real lucky." Liz winked at Adam who nodded and beamed down at his wife. Had anyone ever looked at me like that? Nick and I had been together since high school but it wasn’t really about love. I was starting to realize I’d never really experienced true love.

"Have you been together since back then?" I asked, wanting to focus on happy stories instead of awful ones.

"Ugh not that story again." Travis muttered under his breath, being his usual tall dark and grumpy self. I wasn’t sure what Lila saw in that since she was little miss sunshine but she was looking at him like she wanted to take his clothes off even if she disagreed.

"Hey I never heard it either." She protested, poking him and then licking her lips. Liz glared at Travis, so much a part of this amazing family since she’d grown up with the boys.

"We should go out joke night, just us girls, and leave the boys with their videogames." She said and smirked at us. I felt myself light up. Besides Lila I didn’t have many friends, I was too busy, but god would it be nice to have more girlfriends.

"I'd like that." I agreed. "I'll have to ask my mom if she can watch Will."

"He can stay with us, what are old parents for?" Jax’s mother offered with a chuckle, then shook her head, "Even if both Will and Rob are already grown up enough to stay alone. But who knows in what kind of trouble they'd get into if left alone for one night."

"They grow up too fast." I agreed, but Will was only 12, he wasn’t old enough to stay alone…right?

"Will is a saint compared to Rob." Jax smirked at Adam, who just shrugged because that was nothing new.

"That's the price to have the Cole's genes." His dad interjected with a laugh.

"It could be worse." Jax said and everyone laughed.

Lila

I heard the noise coming from the staircase at the same time Travis did and we turned to see Poppy padding down the stairs, a super pout on her tiny mouth. Jax turned too, smiling and stretching his hands out.

"What's wrong cutie?" She dodged him, running straight to Travis, obviously the bond he felt with her was reciprocated.

"I woke up and I was alone!" She protested. Travis scooped her up and cuddled her against his chest as I reached out to press a kiss on her soft cheek.

"Better alone than with uncle Jax." Trav grinned.

"You guys need to make another kid so that I can be someone's fave." Jax retorted flatly, pouting like the cutie he was.

"Rob likes you more than Travis." Liz interjected, looking pretty amused by the subject. "No new kids for now."

"You cold make one on your own." He pointed out and I gaped at my boyfriend before kicking him since we were the only one’s who knew he was even dating anyone.

"Maybe I'll get a puppy instead." he said shrugging.

"Did you hear uncle Jax?" Travis asked to Poppy as he grinned, "He likes puppies more than kids."

"I like puppies more than boys." She answered seriously and we laughed again.

"Even more than me?” Trav asked with fake hurt as he poked her nose.

“No.” I shook my head and cuddled against Trav’s chest, making my heart ache, knowing about his past with Karlie made me see some things in an entirely new way. Poppy opened her eyes when she saw me she smiled.

“Hi Lila.” She grinned. I reached over and pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Hey pretty girl.” I smiled and she grinned her tiny smile.

“Will you braid my hair again?!” Liz groaned.

“Oh please, I have no idea how to braid hair and she won’t stop talking about it.” I laughed and nodded.

“Yes. And I’ll teach your mommy too.”

“I tried to once.” Poppy shrugged, though her version of braiding was just twisting hair around and adding bows. “Maybe you’re a better teacher.” She went back to cuddling her uncle who beamed down on her.

“You are going to have a heartbreaker on your hands with that one.” Colbie teased Adam who groaned.

“Don’t I know it.” Colbie smiled but I saw the sadness in her eyes. Before Nick had left she had tried to convince him to have another baby and although you never knew what would happen? I knew how much she wanted a girl.

“Don’t worry her Uncles will help scare off all the guys trying to jump out of her room at three in the morning.” Jax laughed

“Dear god.” Adam shook his head in his hands which made Liz tug him closer to her so she could kiss his cheek.

“You’ll survive baby.”

“She’s asleep again.” Trav chuckled, holding her close to his body. She looked tiny against him, but I suppose everyone did.

“You’re a good mattress.” I said, only half joking as I reached up to kiss him softly.

“Do you want to put her back to bed?” Trav nodded and I followed him in there, desperate to see more of him with this little girl.

Colbie

“I have a present for you.” Jax whispered, his hand caressing my thigh and making me shiver.

“Me too.” I smirked, thinking about the lingerie still sitting in the la perla bag in my closet. Jax lifted his brows again.

“Oh yeah?” I nodded and he leaned closer.

“From the way you’re blushing I’m hoping we leave here in the next 5 seconds so you can show me this present.” I laughed.

“I want mine first.” I said, leaning in and then pulled back, biting down on my lip when I saw Adam looking over at us suspiciously.

“When did you two start dating?” He asked point blank. Oh my god.

“What?” His dad turned over to us.

“Oh come on you didn’t notice?” Liz added, then looked over. I kind of wished the floor would open and swallow me whole.

“Um.” I started. What was I supposed to say though? A big part of me wanted to shout from the rooftops that a man like Jackson wanted me and only me but another part knew it was too soon. I felt frozen. I couldn’t even say anything.

"There's nothing to notice, Liz is talking nonsense." he winked at his sister in law, giving her a forced grin. I could tell he was upset but I didn’t really understand why. Jax’s sister in law rolled her eyes while Adam shot us an amused look.

"Didn't you notice that Trav and Lila got back together instead?" he asked as they walked back into the room.

"What?" Travis asked, raising a brow, "Were you talking behind my back?"

"You're paranoid." Lila grinned as she leaned against him, cuddling into his side and making me a little jealous. If only it was so easy. Adam shrugged,

"We were about to." He said honestly, making Liz chuckle.

"We knew they'd get back together." His dad pointed out seriously, keeping his eyes on Travis.

"We hoped so." his mom corrected.

"I swear I'm lost,” Travis said. “What are you even talking about?!" he asked, but this time? No one said anything.

Lila

Jax stood up, running his hands through his hair and looking overwhelmed.

"I'm going to check on the boys." He said simply, practically bolting to the porch.

“What is that about?” Everyone just shrugged but I was watching my sister.

“Colbie?” I asked and she stood up.

“I need to make a call.” She smiled a half smile and then walked into the living room and rummaged through her back, grabbing some lip gloss and idly putting it on instead of getting her phone.

“What’s up?”

“Adam asked us if we were dating and I just froze. I didn’t know what to say. We’re not really dating. I mean we haven’t actually gone on a date.”

“So what you just said nothing?” I asked. “How would you feel if Jax did that to you with our family?” Colbie just laughed.

“Um happy! Otherwise he’d have 6 men over 6 feet pummeling his ass.” I laughed, because it was mostly true but come on.

“You should go talk to him.” Colbie took a deep breath.

“Drama is better when it’s happening to you instead of me.” She muttered under her breath before walking out to the porch.


Colbie

"Hey." I said, sitting down on the step next to his chair and looking up at him.

"Maybe you're sitting too close to me." he said quietly, "Rob and Will think we're going out together but don't worry, I told Will we're just friends."

“I didn’t take that very well huh?” I sighed. Jax shrugged.

“Take what really well? There’s nothing to take right?” I licked my lips as I watched my son and his best friend running around the yard.

“He’s growing up really fast.” I said softly.

“He’s still a kid.” Jax replied, his voice lower and less like the Jax I was used to.

“Not really. He’s almost a teenager.” I admitted. “I remember when he was just learning to walk and talk.”

“Yeah.” I turned to Jax, willing him to look at me but he wasn’t.

“I’m sorry. I should have handled that better. I’m just not ready to share us with everyone.”

“Share us? We’re just friends aren’t we?” I shook my head.

“No we’re not.” Jax turned towards me this time, his brow raised.

“No?” I shook my head.

“We’re more than friends.” I said seriously, wanting to say more but not being brave enough.

“Okay.” He nodded then stood up to go back inside.

“Jax.” I stood up too, walking closer to him after looking out at Rob and Will. “Are you still coming over tonight?”

Lila

I stepped outside, knowing I was probably interrupting something but neither Jax nor Colbie seemed too happy.

“Come on guys time for dessert!” I called out to the boys.

“YES!! PIE!” Will shouted, running up. “Come on mom Mrs. Cole’s pie is the best!” He tugged on Colbie, Rob right behind them, leaving me alone with Jax.

“Hey stud.” I teased. He gave me a half smile and ran his hand through his hair.

“How are you cutie?” He asked, pulling me into his side and kissing the top of my head.

“Better than you look.” I admitted, knowing Jax and he wasn’t realy being himself.

“Yeah.”

“Not going well?” He shrugged.

“That’s the thing I thought we were going well. Every time I feel good about us she shoots me down.” I nodded.

“Sure but it’s not serious. You have like 5 other girls waiting on you hand and foot it’s good one is keeping you on your toes.” I said slowly, testing him. He just shook his head, not even cracking a smile like he usually did, so opposite from the Jax I knew.

"I have no one waiting for me. I'm seeing Colbie only...do you really think I'd sleep with other girls while sleeping with your sister? Come on, I'm not that bad."

"I know you're not." I offered a sweet smile, "I was only testing you."

"Maybe I should start seeing other girls again to get ready for when your sister will get tired of me." I said slowly, the thought being a depressing one.

"Give her time Jax..." I trailed off.

"I think I'm going home now." He stood up and I shook my head, thinking maybe it wasn’t my sister who was going to get hurt in this one. Maybe it was my friend instead.

Colbie

I felt Travis’ eyes on me as I tried to eat the pie I wasn’t even tasting. I felt awful. I felt like I was fuc.king everything up by trying not to fu.ck everything up.

"Don't you like my mom's pie?" He asked finally.

"No it's one of the best I've ever had." I answered though I could tell that he wasn’t impressed.

"Don't fuck with my brother's head Colbie." he said slowly, staring into my eyes and letting me know how he’d gotten so successful in the business world. He was not a man to fuck with. But I dealt with men like him all the time.

"I don't think you're the best person to give me advice about relationships." I said back, getting defensive.

"At least I know what I want." He shrugged, and his words hit me. He had a really good point.

"Jax is going home." Lila joined us, her face dropping when she noticed our expressions. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said hurriedly, "Is he gone already?"

"No but if I were you I'd hurry." Lila said before giving Travis a questioning look, but I was already kissing Will and saying goodbye to the Cole’s before I was out the door.

"Are you going away?" Jax turned his head to me and shrugged.

"I'm feeling tired."

"I thought we were going away together." He tucked my hair behind my ear and watched me.

“I don't know if it's still a good idea baby." He answered softly.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t….because….” he started but he shook his head, scratching the back of his neck as he looked away from me. “Colbie-“ I reached out and pulled him towards me, kissing him hard, the way I’d wanted to all night. I hated not being able to touch him, hating hiding something that was becoming so important to me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered against his lips before running my tongue against them, feeling him open his mouth against mine and finally wrap his arms around me, kissing me back.

“I don’t like being a secret.” He said, pulling away and making me instantly miss his kiss.

“I’m sorry. I wish I was ready for more, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.” I was afraid I wanted him more than I’d ever wanting anything.

“You should get back inside, they’ll be missing you.” I shook my head.

“I said goodbye already. I want to go home with you.” The look on his face melted slightly and then he was pulling me closer again.

“Are you sure?” I nodded.

“Yes, please. You still have presents for me.” I added. Jax shook his head, but then he was kissing me again and I didn’t care about anything else.



Lila

“Told you they were dating.” Rob said as he watched my sister kissing his uncle out the front window.
 

“Well why didn’t they tell us?” Trav’s mom asked, looking a little hurt, but still pleased.
 

“I think mom doesn’t want me to know.” Will admitted, always being too smart for his own good.
 

“Why do you think that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes on him.
 

“Because she wants to just be a mom and not a real person.” He shrugged. “But single moms are allowed to date, I read like 5 books about divorce.”
 

“You did?” I asked, surprised, but not really. Will was pretty independent and when he didn’t understand something, he read about it. I didn’t mention that technically Colbie and his dad weren’t divorced. Mostly because I was the only one who knew about that.
 

“Yeah. It says it’s healthy to get back on the horse. Whatever that means.” Adam started laughing, turning it into a choke when Liz narrowed her eyes on him.
 

“What book is this?!”
 

“The divorced woman’s guide to happieness.” Will said seriously.
 

“Where did you get that?!” Trav asked, clearly trying not to laugh.
 

“Mom had it.” He shrugged.
 

“You read too much.” Rob shook his head. “Let’s go play downstairs.”
 

‘Okay.” Will nodded. Travis looked over to me, giving me a soft smile.

"We should go play home instead." I laughed as Adam shot me a look.

"What did you do to my brother?" He said in an amused tone.

"Don't be silly Adam." Their Mom said seriously then smiled, "She's making him happy." I felt like I was beaming. I wanted to make him happy. More than anything.

"If you're done analyzing us, I'd like to go to bed."
 

"Already?" his protested, getting a supportive nod from their mother too. He just ignored them, making me roll my eyes in the direction of his parents who laughed. He brought me back my helmet while Adam and Liz sat on the couch picking a movie.

"Let's go baby."
 

"Nice helmet Lil." Adam nodded at me as he studied it.
 

"It was Travis' present for Christmas." I beamed at my boyfriend who’d been so thoughtful designing the helmet that reminded him of one of my paintings. Romance Travis style, just the way I liked it. He reached for my hand and linked our fingers together as he grinned back at me.

"I have the best ideas, I know."