now I'll be bold as well as strong, and use my head alongside my heart

now I'll be bold as well as strong, and use my head alongside my heart by sassy 

My dad shot me a flat look as we walked down the street, shaking his head. "What?" I asked, knowing he was thinking about something.
"I still can't understand why you like tennis so much." He pointed out, "Isn't it a little boring? What about football instead?"
"What about thank you Ben for taking me to the game and spending a little fortune for the tickets?" I asked back, forcing myself to grin even if it was hard. I was going through a lot, most of it being really good but the rest being really bad. The original plan was to go to Rolan Garros with Tristan and I had refused not to go at all, so I had taken my father instead since we hadn't spent much time together lately.
He laughed, flashing me his one million teeth smile, "You know I appreciated it anyway."
"I do." I smirked at him as we headed to the place where we often had lunch together, "How are you doing dad? It's been a while from the last time I saw you alone." I added, genuinely interested.
"I'll tell you if you tell me." My dad said, smirking at me.

"You to huh?" I grumbled, my eyes narrowing on nothing in particular.
He shook his head. "I'm beggining to think you were switched at birth." He told me and Ie finally turned to look at him.
"I ask you how you are and you tell me you don't think I'm your son? Nice." I said flatly, wondering why everyone pushed me to talk if in the end no one listened to me. Okay, maybe after the Trustistan thing I was overreacting, but my frustration was reaching very high points.
"It's just Lindsells like to talk. Alere's love to talk. You are not a talker."
I scoffed. "Maybe I just keep my talking in my head."
"Sounds like good company." He teased and I shot him another look. "Come on. You don't even trust your dad? I'm hurt."
I rolled my eyes, but smiled a little too because now he was just being silly and overdramatic. No wonder why Chloe was how it was, her parents were both drama queens. "What do you want to know?" I asked slowly.
He shrugged. "Anything that you want to tell me." He replied, leaving me wonder what he already knew.
"I'm sure mom already told you about Cami..." I trailed off awkwardly.
He laughed. "Oh yes." He nodded. "She wasn't thrilled. Little hypocrite thought you should be more romantic."
I blinked back at him, a little confused, "Hypocrite?"
"I'm like 90 percent sure you were concieved in my office at BMM Ben." He replied, giving me his best smirk.
I made a face, since sure I was a grown up man and knew where kids came from but that was still too much information. "Good god dad."
"Go on. Tell me more."
"We're finding a place. Well we're looking for a place. Gabe will go to camp soon and hopefully we'll be able to narrow it down before he gets back." I said in one breath, thinking about the part of my life which was perfect.
"Wait you're moving in together? Already?" He asked, blinking back at me.
"Already?! It's been like 20 years I've loved Cami." I replied seriously and I could see him soften as we walked into the restaurant and sitting at our usual table.
Once there, he smiled as he leaned back in his seat. "True." He agreed. "I bet Gabe is a little confused." He said as an afterthought.
I sighed and nodded, feeling a little exhausted. Things were getting better with my little man too, but there were still moments when I had a hard time recognizing him for how odd he acted with me. "It's almost like he's mad at me...."
He gave me a soft smile. "You were the same way when you were his age. Always standing up for your mother. And your sister. Even to me." He explained.
"Yeah?" I grinned, liking hearing how much my son was like me even if I knew he was a lot like Cami too. He was the perfect mix and I couldn't be more proud.
"Always. You might not have been full of words, but when you said things you meant them."
"I just want us to be a family. A real family. I want to be happy."
He shot me a glance. "Aren't you happy?" He asked, of course trying to dig further.
I nodded as I smiled more genuinely, trying to think positive and focus on all the good things I had in my life. I was a lucky man, even with an awful sister, I was still lucky. "How couldn't I be?" I asked even though it wasn't really a question, "I have an amazing girlfriend, a perfect son, we're finally living all together..."
He furrowed his brows and I smirked, knowing he was processing my words carefully and he was about to ask me something. "I'm confused, didn't you say you're looking for a place still?"
"We are but in the meantime we're staying at Cami's place." I explained with a shrug, "We couldn't keep going back and forth between our apartments, it wasn't good for Gabe and it wasn't good for Cami either."
"What about you instead?" He asked seriously and I appreciated that he wasn't leaving me out of the list of people to keep satisfied. Maybe I had to remember that to myself more often instead of putting other people before me. That didn't apply to my girl and our son though, they'd always come first.
"I honestly don't care where we live as long as we're together." I answered and I meant it. Plus, I liked Cami's apartment anyway. "Of course we need a bigger place since Gabe's toys alone are enough to fill two rooms, but we're fine like this for a while I think."
His lips turned upwards into a smile and I knew he was happy for me, "Well done son." He nodded before his smile turned into his signature smirk, "What's next? Marriage? Another kid?" He asked, leaning into me as if he expected me to confess him all my secrets.
I laughed, amused by my father and his silliness, "None of those. One step at time is enough and Gabe is already shocked enough, he doesn't need a baby sister or brother now." I grinned. I wanted those things though, sooner ot later.
"So no more babies for a while? Bummer." He sighed and smiled at the waitress when she approached out table to take our orders, two ceasar salads and water.
I raised one eyebrow at my dad, wondering why he was eating like a model. Like me. "Did mom put you on diet again?" I asked, guessing that could be the only reason why he hadn't ordered a huge steak or something more than just a salad. I, on the other hand, wasn't even that hungry.
"I don't even want to talk about it." He sighed dramatically, his face pained and making me grin wider. Silence fell between us for a moment and I took advantage of that to text Cami, but my father couldn't really keep his mouth shut for more than ten seconds. "So, how's your sister?"
I tore my eyes away from my phone, sliding it into my pocked, and looked back at him blankly. "I don't know, how's my sister?" I asked back, my face giving nothing away.
"Don't you know?" He questioned as I read his face, "How come? Haven't you heard from her lately?"
"Dad." I said flatly, knowing he knew and he was bad at hiding it. He could be a great actor, but he sucked at pretending with his own family, which wasn't bad of course. "Did mom tell you?" I asked, already imagining them with a glass of wine while they talked about their kids.
"Chloe." He said instead, staring at me with his lips pursed together.
I groaned, rolled my eyes too. Of course. "I bet she went to you complaining about how bad I am and even stomped her feet like the spoiled girl she is. I swear, she'll never grow up." I shook my head. I was even more mad now that she went to our father, telling him things that we should have been able to fix by ourselves. I hadn't done the same with our mom, I had left her out of it.
"Maybe a little." He made a face while I counted to ten, waiting for him to start defending his princess. "But Ben, you're too hard on her."
"Well, someone has to be." I muttered under my breath before shaking my head, tired of getting my mood ruined by people who didn't care if what they did could involve other people. "I don't want to talk about it dad. I'm tired and I've been looking forward to this lunch with you, let's not ruin it. Whatever happened between me and Chloe will be fixed between us." Maybe, I added in my head.
"Why are you always trying to do things without help Ben?" My dad asked. "There are so many people who love you and you want to do everything alone." He shook his head.
"What do you mean?" I asked, since sure I was a pretty indipendent man, but I asked help when it was needed...it at least I thought so.
He shrugged. "You're having a hard time with your sister. I get it. Chloe can be a handful, but I know you and the only reason you'd be so mad at her is because of how much you love her."
"That doesn't mean I need to get you invovled." I muttered under my breath, wishing my dad could realize that we weren't kids anymore so we didn't need our parents' help most of the time.
"It doesn't. Though I think I'd be a good choice. Your mother too, though she might get nosier than you'd like." He teased. "But I bet you won't even talk to Cami about it."
I licked my lips, his words being true this time. "I don't want to bother her with silly things." I admitted, leaving out the part where Cami was Chloe's friend too and I didn't want her to get caught between us. She already had a lot going on in her mind, I didn't want to add things.
"But it's not silly. And besides that? Being in love means you can tell them anything, everything, silly or serious, big or small. I tell Ava everything Ben, as fast as I can. She's the first person I WANT to know anything that's going on in my life. Keeping your family sheltered is just keeping a part of you from them."
"Okay okay, your starting to sound like a hallmark movie." I shook my head, seeing what his point was but still not thinking that this was the case. It was all Chloe's drama, nothing my family couldn't survive without knowing.
He scoffed. "I have two oscars!!" He exclaimed.
"And a head that won't be able to fit out the door later." I smirked, guessing that my sister got that from him too. The weird thing was that she was cocky on the outside but I knew her enough to know that it was only a facade to hide her real insicurities and fears.
"Touche." She grinned. "Chloe admitted that she'd been a bit.ch."
I raised a brow. "She'd be stupid not to admit it." I grumbled, it being the least she could have done.
He nodded. "What have you admitted?"
I looked back at him again, feeling exhausted and annoyed because I wasn't going to take the blame for something I hadn't done. "I didn't do anything Dad. She completely over-reacted just like she always does!"
"She's young! She didn't have to grow up so fast like you did Ben."
"See and here you go sticking up for her again. Daddy's little girl." I rolled my eyes and he laughed again. Why.
"I did the same for you with Chloe. You're my little boy you know." I scrunched up my face and he shrugged. "Always will be."
"Dad, I get that. Mostly now that I have a son I really understand what you mean..." I trailed off thinking about how part of me still saw Gabe like a baby, when he was a growing up boy. The difference was that he was still just a boy, not a grown up man. "But one thing is you seeing us like your kids, another is thinking that we actually are."
He blinked at me, looking confused, "You lost me there."
I smirked a little and shook my head as I tried to find the right words. "Chloe is young, true, but she's not a teen, she's 24 dad! 24! She's a grown up woman yet she keeps acting like she's still 16 and can get away with anything."
"Ben-" He started but I cut him off before he could say something that would probably annoy me.
"Don't serve me once again the she didn't have to grow up fast like you bulls.hit." I narrowed my eyes on him. I didn't talk much, true, but when I did I did it good. "That's not an excuse and I can't get a worse treatment because I did the right thing."
He looked at me seriously this time, an expression that I didn't see much on my father's face since he was usually the playful time. I was the same with Gabe and I guessed it made sense. "No one is treating you bad for that. We all knew you did your best and we're proud of how you handled a very hard situation."
"All of you?" I asked back, getting upset all over again. "Chloe always talks about what happened to me and Cami like it was a walk in the park. That's when she doesn't think I'm an a.sshole who dumped Cami after knocking her up because it was too hard."
"That's what hurt you, uh?" He asked quietly, being the patient dad he could be whenever it was needed.
"Yes." I admitted, a little relieved since I hadn't said that to anyone even if it was clear.
He nodded slowly, "You know she doesn't mean it...right?"
"But she said it. And since she's not a kid anymore she should learn how not to say things she didn't mean, mostly mean things." I retorted, because in my opinion my sister had no excuses at all. "She can't act the way she does and do the things every grown up woman does and then act like a mean child."
He furrowed his brows, processing my words, "What do you mean what she does."
"You don't want to know." I muttered under my breath, thinking about Tristan but also knowing I'd never spill the beans with my dad. It was her life, the very personal side, and I wouldn't share it with anyone, mostly with our father who thought she was still a 6 year old princess. "You have nothing to worry about." I added, wishing it was that way when I knew deep down there was plenty to worry about. That was the thing about the biggest brother though, no matter how mad I could be at my sister, I'd always look out for her and want to protect her. "I'm just really mad dad and I don't know when I'll stop. I'm tired of her acting without thinking about the consequences of her actions. She needs to grow up."
"Everyone says things they don't mean Ben. Even adults." Dad pointed out and I groaned. "I'm not taking her side, I think she was wrong. But do you really think that's what she thinks? Hasn't she been rooting for you and Cami since the beginning?"
"Then why would she say that?!" I retorted because no matter from where I tried to see that, I couldn't find even one reason behind my sister's words.
He shrugged, "I have no idea. But if that's what she really thought do you think she'd have wanted you back together with her best friend? Hell no. Chloe is a lot of things but she's very protective of the people she loves and if she really thought you were going to hurt Cami she would have tried to keep you as far away from her as she could."
"I can't just forgive her Dad. It doesn't work that way." I said in a final tone, knowing I couldn't do that.
He blinked at me. "Hey. If someone said something like that to me? I'd have a hard time getting over it too. Hell you don't even want to know how long it took me to forgive your grandmother..." He sighed, since they still didn't have that good of a relationship. "In the long run? Being mad at someone is useless. Life is short and its not worth it to waste time with someone you love if you know eventually you love them and you want to be a part of their lives. I lost a lot of time with my mom that I'll never get back. Ever. Do you want that with your sister?"
I shook my head as I let out a sigh, wondering if my dad was really this dramatic or he really thought I'd be able to cut my sister ot of my life completely. Of course she had flaws, of course she got me mad, of course she didn't make the right choices always...but she was my sister and I'd always love her. "No, I never even thought about it."
He seemed taken aback by my answer, in a good way, then nodded. "I'm glad to hear that."
"I'm just saying it's going to take time to forgive her, but I know I will." I paused when the waitress walked over to our table with out food. "And I really hope she'll stop acting like a crazy stupid girl."
"Ben." My dad glared at me.
"What dad? Someone has to shake her and make her realize she's much better than that. I know I call her awful and sometimes I'm hard with her, but she needs that. She needs to see that if only she could stop calling herself a hot mess and acting like one, she'd be happier too." I retorted before starting eating my salad.
He took a bite of his and swallowed before talking again, "I think that the problem is that she doesn't even know that you see so much good in her, instead she thinks you treat her like you do because you don't like her."
"I don't like how she pretends to be, but under that facade I know there's the sister I love instead." I explained seriously.
"Who she pretends to be?" My fathes asked, looking back at me, interested in my view.
"I don't know. It's one thing to be a little wild, she always was. But she hasn't changed at all since high school on the outside. I have."
He nodded. "You don't think Chloe's changed since high school?" He asked me, knowing what we both knew about what had happened to her, but still.
"Okay. So yeah, but she still acts like a kid half of the time!" I argued, wishing he could really see where the real problem was.
He leaned in after taking a sip of his water. "Being a father changes you Ben. And you're a great one. I've never been more proud of anything than of you." He said and I was tempted to groan for the part where being a young father was the only reason why I had grown up, but then decided to focus on the compliment instead. I scratched my neck as I tried to play off the compliment because in my opinion was only doing what had to be done. "I might not say it enough, but you are a better man than anyone I know and I'm damn lucky you're my son." He added before going on. "But going through what Chloe did changed her too, only for the worse instead of for the better. We didn't know why originally but she doesn't trust very many people. She runs away from the ones who get too close. You're closer to her than anyone and don't try to tell me you're not. She's going to try and push you away. Don't let her."
I sighed and nodded. "I know....but some of the things she does." I sighed, knowing I couldn't tell more to my dad. "It's hard."
"So is being a Dad and you've got that down pretty well." He teased me.
I shrugged. "I learned from the best."
He laughed at that one. "By Gabe's age you'd already had a broken nose and stitches 3 times! You're doing far better than I did."
"I'm sure it'll only get worse once he grows up and starts rebelling." I cringed and he smirked.
"That will be a fun time for me." He agreed, leaning back in his chair. "Do you think since I got a salad I can also get desert?"
I smirked at him, nodding, "I think you could." I said before correcting myself, "Actually, I think you should. Don't worry I won't tell mom."
He grinned back at me, "If she finds out I'll blame it on you." He joked as his eyes scanned the menu, "I'll take the creme brulee. What about you?"
"I'll pass." I shrugged, not in the mood of eating more really.
He raised one eyebrow at me slowly, "Why?" He asked and I shrugged, "You need to relax more son, you'll get wrinkles before time." He sighed.
I laughed, wondering where that was coming from and thinking that only my dad could come up with a sentence like that. "What?" I asked as I looked at him in amusement.
"I'm just saying." He paused to give me his serious face which was hilarious too, "You're a model, you can't frown the whole time or all you'll get is wrinkles instead of jobs."
"Dad, I won't be a model forever." I grinned at him, taking the chance and deciding that was the right moment to tell him what else was on my mind. "Acutally, I could quit sooner than later."
He looked taken aback from a moment and blinked at me before recovering, "That's good...if that's what you want. Do you want to do instead?" He asked, sounding genuinely interested.
I took a few moment to answer, trying to find the right words. "I talked to mom and she suggested I could start taking over the agency..." I said slowly, waiting for his reaction and his opinion, both counting a lot for me.
"And what do you think about it?" My dad asked slowly.
"I think I could do it." I answered even if I wasn't so sure myself. I mean, I didn't know much about all the work that was behing running a model agency.
He scoffed. "Of course you could do it. That's not what I was asking."
I shifted in my chair and then gave him smile as I thought about all the pros. "I think it would be a nice change." I admitted. "I'd have more responsibilities but better hours, I wouldn't have to travel as much...."
"But would you like it?"
I nodded. "I think I would." I said eventually and he grinned wider and pulled out his tablet. "What are you doing?" I added, completely lost there.
"I'm booking a second honeymoon, I'm about to have a hell of a lot more free time with my hot wife." He grinned, flipping through options. My father was crazy. "Do you think Ava would prefer the Carribean? Or maybe Australia?"
I laughed. "You're ridiculous."
"I've been working since I was 12, time for me to have some fun." He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes. "Aren't you having fun now?" I asked, my eyes glimmering with amusement.
"Hell yeah, my son just helped me retire!" Was his answer and I laughed again and he set down his tablet. "I'm proud of you Ben. So proud. Know that."
I smiled at my dad even though I was trying to play it off, as always, even if his words meant a lot to me. "Thanks dad." I said honestly before grinning, "I'm trying."
"Oh yes, the look you pull off on some magazines is very try hard." He laughed at his own joke while I sighed and shook my head, "You're my son, you don't even need to try. You're like." He paused to snap his fingers, "And the shoot is perfect."
"You're the cockiest man I know, I swear." I said back to him as I kept grinning. "I hope I'm like mom too and I'll be just as good at running the agency."
He raised one eyebrow slowly, "What do you mean like mom? Are you saying I'm not good instead? Should I take offense?" He asked even if he was just in one of his silly teasing moods that were always really amusing. No wonder why I wasn't such a serious father myself.
"You were too busy winning an Oscar to think about the agency." I teased him back, leaning back in my chair as I kept my eyes on him.
"Good point." He nodded, "You'll learn how to run it Ben, just give it time."
I ran my hands through my hair, the changes that were happening in my life were huge ones lately and I hoped everything would work eventually. "And Chloe?" I asked, knowing I had to address that subject again but for different reasons.
"What about Chloe?" He asked as he raised one eyebrow.
"She'll want a piece of the agency too." I paused, pursing my lips, "And it's not like I want it all to myself anyway, it belongs to our family..."
"Sure, but you don't have to think about that too now." He shrugged, "You two need to fix your relationship first."
"Yes but-"
"But you're already thinking about the future and worrying. I know son, but you already stress enough...one step at time." He shrugged.
I let out the breath I had been holding, allowing myself to finally realx a little. "You really know me dad."
"Yes. I wasn't too busy for that." My dad winked.
I laughed before sipping my water. "Lucky me."
"Yes." He agreed. "If you don't help me eat this I'm going to eat it all."
"I think I'm a little too old to share a dessert with my dad."
He looked up at me with wide eyes as he held his hand to his heart. "You did not just say that to me." He watched as I sighed and grabbed a spoon.
"Fine. Just don't tell my agent."
"Your secret is safe with me."