Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you by nadiaa featuring a multiple strand necklace

I slowly walked through the door and immediately I heard a high pitched squeal as I shut the door behind me and Gabe wrapped his arms around my waist, “Aunt Mila!” He yelled out.

“Hi there cutie!” I grinned, squeezing him tightly.

“I missed you…” He looked at me as a little yelp was yelled out and Gabe looked next to me where my new Pomsky puppy Dexter was standing next to me with his tail wagging quickly.

Gabe widened his eyes, “A puppy?” He let go of me.

I nodded, “I just got him a week ago. Do you like him?”

“He’s so cute!” Gabe pulled the dog into his arms, “What’s his name?”

“Dexter.” I said kissing his temple, “He’s a very good dog.”

“A dog?” I heard my sister speak up as she walked towards us.

I stood up and nodded and pulled her into a hug, “I got him last week. I’ve wanted a dog but made excuses not to get one; so I took a dive.” I grinned.

“You disappear for a month and you come back for Christmas with a dog?” She questioned raising a brow.

“Don’t give me that look. I’ve had a good month…”

“But no texts or anything?” She leaned in and whispered, “Are you dating?”

I laughed and shook my head, “Nope I haven’t. I went to New York and went to work with Diane von Fürstenberg!” I told her, “God it was amazing! I spent a lot of time working on my blog and just took some me time.”

“Really?” She grinned at me as I nodded, “I’m glad you got to have that time for yourself.”

I nodded, “Me too.” I let out a deep breath, “I feel so much better now…” I said honestly, feeling all the weight on my shoulders fall off.

“Well you look good! And that puppy is pretty cute. You’re going to have to fight with Gabe though.” She grinned looking down at her son who was on the ground, wrestling with my dog.

“Mommy, can we get a doggy?” Gabe looked up at her with big puppy dog eyes and I was melting.

“I’ll think about it.” She winked, “ Go take Dexter and show him to everybody.”

He nodded as he ran out, little Dex running behind him.

“God, I can’t say it enough… but you look so happy.” I nodded, “And I don’t want to ruin it, but Ames it here…” She trailed off with a swallow and my heart sped up a bit.

Me leaving and working on myself meant I had to come to terms with what had happened with Ames and the fact that I needed to move on. That was most important to help myself so I did. I missed him of course, but I had tried to move on, which meant not thinking that without Ames, I couldn’t be happy.

I knew I could be happy without a man. I had an amazing job tons of girls (and guys) dreamed of and it had taken me places… It even let me have time to myself where I sketched and drew outfits…. Who knows, but I could actually design clothes and I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t take time for myself.

I nodded, “I’ll be fine.” I smiled, “We were friends before, we can go back to being friends.”

“You sure?”

I nodded, “Definitely. I’m telling you. I really found myself this last month and I can handle it. So let’s go so we can go have dinner.” I winked as the two of us headed to the kitchen where I heard my entire family along with the Lindsell’s talking happily. This year, Christmas eve was being held at my parents this year and it was tradition since Gabe was born.

“Milena!” I heard my Mom as she pulled me into a hug.

It was hard, but I cut of all contact with my family this last month to help myself and it had.

“Hi Mom.” I smiled as I made my way through everybody, telling them hello and hugging them as everybody was drinking and eating.

I heard two voices get louder as I saw my father, Corey and Ames walking into the kitchen. Those three were always together. Did I have daddy issues? I thought to myself, shaking my head.

“Milena!” Corey exclaimed pulling me into a hug as my eyes wandered over to Ames… I couldn’t tell what he was feeling and that scared me.

“Hi Corey.” I told him with a smile, but my heart was thumping loudly. I said I’d be fine, but saying is easier than doing. I took a deep breath and gave Ames a smile, and walked towards him, “Hi Ames.” I said, wrapping my arms around him to give him a hug.

“Hi Mila…” He trailed off, pulling me into him tighter.

I sighed as I pushed away, “You look great.” I told him honestly.

He nodded, “You too.”

“Alright, dinner time!” My mother said as she brought out the rack of lamb that smelt delicious.

My dad pulled me into a hug, “Are you staying the night?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I just left my things in my car, including everybody’s presents.” I grinned.

Gabe’s eyes peeled away from the dog, “Presents?”

I grinned, “Lots. Especially for a little boy.” I gave him a wink.

He gasped excitedly as he took a seat between Ben and Cam and once everybody found their seats, the only two left were next to each other and it managed to be Ames and I without a seat. The universe had to be against me...

"When did you get back from New York Milena?" Ava grinned as she placed food on her plate.

"Last week actually. I've been spending this week trying to get back into my routine here." I smiled.

"Ames felt that way when he came back from school." She told me, "Must be New York." She laughed as my parents raised their brows.

"New York is amazing Ava." My mother told her. "Snooty French woman." She joked with her making everybody laugh.

"Isn't New York amazing though?" Chloe said with a twinkle in her eyes.

I nodded, "It was. I worked with Diane Von Furstenburg. It was like working with a legend.”

“I’ve always wondered what it was like on that part of the fashion industry…” Chloe smiled.

I sighed, “It’s amazing.” I knew my mother always wanted me to follow in her footsteps and model, and I tried it, but it wasn’t for me… designing and fashion however, felt so much more fulfilling and secretly I really wanted to start my own fashion line…

“Guess what I learned at school Mommy?” Gabe chimed in, digging into his mashed potatoes.

“What?” Cam smiled.

“You have to kiss under mistletoe.” He grinned at everybody.

“Oh yeah?” She laughed.

He nodded quickly, “Aunt Mila and Uncle Ames were underneath it earlier…” He tried to stifle a giggle as I tried not to blush, “They didn’t kiss.”

Cam looked up at me, “Well not everybody is supposed to kiss underneath the mistletoe… Only if they love each other.”

I swallowed as I tried not to look over at Ames, “They’re family; they do love each other…”

I gave him a small smile, “I do love Ames…” I grinned as I leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek, “See? Kiss.”

Gabe seemed to be satisfied with the answer and I let out a sigh of relief.

He side glanced at me and then nudged me gently, “It can’t be that bad to really kiss me, can it?” He questioned, making me blush.

“Uhm…” I bit my lip, looking down, trying to come up with the words.

“Lighten up Mila. I’m just kidding.” He smirked.

“Oh…”  I said softly, “No, by the way. It wouldn’t be that bad I guess.” I smirked.

“Not too bad huh?” He laughed and shook his head, “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”

I shrugged as I bit my lip before look up at him, “Watch it Ames, you kind of sound like you’re flirting with me… and we both know that didn’t work.” I whispered, trying to play the hurt off casually, but it was harder than I thought it would be.

“We didn’t not work Milena. We never really got a chance to try.” He said, walking away, heading towards the living room as I sighed.

“I’ll be right back.” I said quietly, following him.

“What do you mean?” I said as I walked up behind them.

“You said we didn’t work… I don’t think that’s necessarily a true statement.” He told me as he set his drink down.

I shook my head, “We’re not together now. Therefore we didn’t work.” I said it forcefully, upset at the thought, “And it wasn’t you… It was my fault and I know it…” He held a finger to my lips and then pulled it away.

“Stop talking. We’re not together now because we were never really together. But I think I can speak for both of us when I say there was absolutely nothing wrong with how we… worked together.” He said with emphasis

I blushed at the thought of him and I, “Ames…” I trailed off.

He reached out and tilted my head up as he nodded.

“More mistletoe.” He said as I looked up to see more mistletoe. He moved his hand to to cup my head, “I missed you.” He groaned out, pulling me into a kiss and I melted into him until my mind started working once more and I pulled away slowly.

“Ames… we can’t."

He blinked at me, “What?”

I swallowed, “I spent the last month focusing on myself, trying to better myself and not let a guy define me… and suddenly I’m with you and I feel like it all went away…”

He furrowed his brows, “I don’t mean to make you feel that way Milena… All I’ve thought about this last month is you…”

“But I did a bad thing. I know that…. It was pretty whore-ish. If I do say so myself.” I said trying to make a joke out of the situation.

“You’re not a whore.” He said with a fire in his eyes

“But I can tell Ames… you’re still not over what I did…” I said, observing his body language and taking a guess. “I can’t just be in a relationship for the sex. That’s what happened with Callum and got me into this mess to begin with…” I sighed out.

“It’s hard.” He managed out.

I nodded, “I know… I would be upset too if the tables were turned, but we can’t let what happened between us…” I cleared my throat trying to not think about our night together, but it was damn hard to forget the best sex of my life, “Dictate this relationship. Like I said… I can’t just be a physical thing… I can’t and won’t anymore. I deserve better.” I said honestly.

He blinked back at me, “You do deserve better than that. A man should want you for more than your body… as perfect as it might be.” He said, making me blush and look away.

“Ames…” I trailed off.

He laughed and tilt my head up, “I’m glad you know what you deserve. I don’t want you to think that’s what I wanted. I wasn’t trying to use you… I just… I couldn’t help it.”

I gave him a small smile, but I still felt sad inside.

“I know.”

He shook his head and grabbed my hands, “No… I don’t think you do. I want you to know that the night we shared… I know I told you I just wanted one night. That was a jackass thing for me to say. Not only that, but the minute I let myself kiss you, I knew I wanted more than that. I didn’t just want to f.uck you Milena. You opened something inside of me that I thought was dead and gone after Odette. It wasn’t just your body I was so attracted to. It was your sweetness, your strength… everything.”

“Ames, please stop talking before I humiliate myself by taking back everything I just said and just begging you.” I said, pleading with him.

“I just needed you to know. What happened between us sucked but I was the one who left you doubting how I felt. I should have told you before slept together that I had changed my mind… I just wanted you so damn badly.”

“I can’t really blame you for that.” I smirked as he groaned and tangled his fingers in my hair.

“God… just one more moment of weakness and I swear I’ll let you walk away.” He asked as I nodded and he pulled me into another breath taking kiss. He had such a hold on me and I just wanted him….

He pulled away and pressed a kiss against my forehead and then looked into my eyes, “You’re so good at that…” I sighed as he gave me a laugh.

“Must be the mistletoe.” He winked, putting a distance between the two of us.

“I know I should walk away.” I breathed out, “But god help me I can’t… I almost hate you for this hold you have over me Ames…” I closed my eyes, trying to control my emotions.

“I’m sorry…” He said softly.

I ran my fingers through my hair, “God, I don’t know if I can do this…”

“Do what?”

“Be like this with you… I mean we are always like this; these awkward talks where we’re on the border of being friends and then ripping each other’s clothes off… It hurts Ames. It’s hard to look at you be okay when there’s no chance of anything for us.” I said, it making sense in my head, but I wasn’t sure if it was coming across this way.

“I’m confused.” He told me.

“It’s hard Ames, to act like this… When I want you so bad. I feel like I can’t move on because this relationship is in limbo…”

“Mila…”

“I’m sure you feel like it’s no harm, but I feel like hell inside. I mean I had to leave Europe to get you out of my head…"

“You think it’s been easy for me?” He asked me in a shocked tone. Honestly I thought it was. I thought he had moved on from me…

“I’m not ‘okay’ Mila. Not even a little.” He clarified.

“You act so… far away from me…” I blinked at him.

“Because you ran away! Again! All you ever do is run away from me and you see what happens when I let myself get close to you again, I can’t help it! If I was okay, I wouldn’t be pulling you into my arms every chance I got.”

“You could have any girl you wanted Ames…” I told him sadly. Ones that would treat him better than I had… 

“I haven’t touched a woman since you Milena.” He deadpanned, “I haven’t even been on a date.”

“…Why?” I asked flabbergasted. He was pretty close to perfect and I was just a stupid girl, he could move on so easily.

“Because I didn’t want to.” He shrugged.

“I wasn’t with anyone while I was away. Ever.” I said, clarifying that for him. I hadn’t had the desire to be with anyone…

“Thank you for telling me.” He nodded.

“But this isn’t helping, Ames. If anything it’s just making it worse! I know I had a problem being alone and I need to work on that still, but I’m not going to sacrifice my life waiting for a relationship that may or may not happen with you. You’re worth waiting for Ames, but I’m not going to wait forever.”

“You’re wrong.” He said darkly, running his hands through his hair as he looked away, “I’m not worth waiting for. You’d be waiting around for nothing because you’re right. I’m not ready to get over what happened.”

“You have to find a way to forgive me…” I whispered, trying to plea. I made a mistake, a big one, but I was only human.

He sighed, “I forgive you Mila…”  He trailed off, “But I’m never going to forget."

I nodded, "I understand that... But I can't go back and change it. It happened and it's a part of me. Nothing I say or do will change it." I swallowed, "By the way... Callum was the last person I slept with... Nothing sexual happened between Liam and I..."

"Really?"

I nodded, "The thought of another man..." I cleared my throat, "Touching me... Made me sick to my stomach, so we didn't. I'm being honest when I say I felt guilty after being with Callum."

"Why him?" Ames asked slowly.

I let out a sardonic laugh, "Because I was drunk and he was there. I know that doesn't change anything but that is the only excuse I can even think of. I'm the first person to say it was so f.ucking stupid of me. Just don't define me completely that way." I gave him a small smile.

"I couldn't..." He pulled me into his arms.

"If you don't want me to wait for you..." I choked out as a tear fell out my eye, "I won't, but don't expect me to just fall into a relationship with someone else. I was serious about fixing myself and my issues.”

“I believe you…”

“Hey, lovebirds.” I heard Chloe’s voice interrupt the two of us. "Your Dad is wondering where you disappeared to and unless you want Christmas to be ruined and a whole scene happening. I would come back.” She grinned.

I sniffed and nodded, “Yeah, be right there.” I said as I took a deep breath while she walked out.

I turned back to Ames, “We probably shouldn’t… hang out much Ames. I mean if you can’t forget, you don’t want this relationship then we should maybe try to move on?” I suggested.

“Is that what you want?” He asked with a strain in his voice.

I shook my head, “In a perfect world Ames, I wouldn’t have done what I did and we’d be in a healthy relationship. Expectations don’t always match reality.” I shrugged, “The ball’s in your court Ames… but I won’t wait forever…” I trailed off as I wrapped my cardigan around my waist as I walked back towards the kitchen.