give your all to me

Jax squeezed my hand as he drove with the other. I loved how he was always touching me, my hand, my hair, my shoulder or my back, he was surprisingly affectionate and I couldn’t get enough. It was both terrifying and exhilarating to be so completely taken with someone, in a way I hadn’t been even with my ex-husband.

"I'm so happy we're finally getting to spend a whole day together." I said seriously, grinning wide as I looked out the window at the passing scenery.

"We should do this every Sunday." I turned to look at his big smile that was so incredibly gorgeous, but still I frowned.

"And miss Will's game?" I asked seriously. He shook his head and I smiled as I realized he’d come to the games even before we’d started dating. I’d always noticed him as one of the sexy Cole brothers of course but I’d never thought of him as anything else. I didn’t think I could.

"No. But I like spending my free time with you...next time we can take Will away with us." he explained.

"Next time will be for my birthday present...I can't wait." I grinned, thinking about the trip to the beach and how much fun it would be. I opened my mouth to talk before I heard Jax’s phone start ringing.

"Get it baby, I'm driving I can't talk." He said, letting his hand go as I reached over to grab it.  

"It's Lila. Weird." I pointed, sliding my finger across the screen to answer. "Hey baby sister what's up?"

“Don’t freak out okay?” Lila started. “Will got hurt.”

"Wait what?! What happened?! Is he okay?!" I asked quickly, my stomach dropping and my head was spinning.  

“He’s fine, you don’t need to come back but I just thought you should know that-“ I felt relief flow through me that it was clearly not life threatening but still I interrupted.

“No Lil, I can't still go out of town, no matter how hard you try to convince me that it's nothing." I felt the car turning as Jax listened to the conversation. He didn’t say anything he was just reacting and I loved him for that.

“Travis says it’s just a little thing Colbs, he fell and hurt his ankle, he’ll be fine after some rest.”

"I don't care what Travis says!" I said seriously before hanging up and feeling a mix of relief with guilt over not being there for my son.

"Will?" he asked, doing the math and grabbing my hand again, making it warm since I felt freezing all of a sudden.

"Lila said he fell or something and he hurt his ankle and he can't walk, oh my god what if he broke something?!" I said quickly.

"Wait to see him before jumping to conclusions okay baby?" he said in a calm tone and I tried to breath regularly. Fucking rugby of all things.

"Damn why couldn't he play chess? That's all Rob's fault." I ranted and Jax chuckled, until I glared at him.

"Breathe baby." He said simply. Ten minutes later we were into the parking lot and before I could even kill the engine, I shot out of the car to the kids. Will was on the bench looking a mix of pissed off and really hurt and my heart broke.  

"Oh god baby, are you okay?" I said as I bent over him and kissed his head.

"Mom." He protested but it was obvious that he was hurting.

"It's just a distortion." Travis said as he walked up to us.

"His ankle is as big as a melon how can you know that are you a doctor?" I retorted, beyond freaking out at this point, Lila had lied to me this was way bigger than she’d said.

"He's not but Josh's dad is." Jax said back as he squeezed my shoulders and I swallowed as I relaxed because I knew that even but I was too freaked out to remember. "What did he say?"

"That it's just a distortion. Tons of ice and rest, he'll be fine." Travis answered in his usual monotone though I could tell he was trying to be softer and I appreciated that.

"Okay." I breathed out, nodding, "Thank you." I added but I still felt shaky. Travis said something I couldn’t hear before yelling back at the other boys while Jax reached out to Will.

"Come on, we're taking you home. Can you stand on the other foot?" he asked quietly. Will nodded and held onto him as he circled his torso with his arm, supporting him without actually carrying him which I was sure Will appreciated.

"Damn it hurts." He moaned, us three slowly making our way to the car. I winced, not even saying anything about his language because with a foot like that? I’d have said worse. We got Will into the back of Jax’s truck and he grabbed my hand as I sat next to him.

"Stop worrying baby, I'm taking care of him. And you." I grabbed my phone and dialed the family physician before Jax set his hand on mine.

“He’s going to be fine.” He said it in the same soothing tone he had been using but this time there was a fierceness in his voice that made me really listen.

“Can I have some medicine?” I nodded

“We have some pain killers at home baby.” Will groaned as he shifted in his seat.

“I can’t believe I fell like that, I must have looked like a moron.” He shook his head and I gave him a reassuring smile as I saw Jax try not to grin.

“It happens baby, the grass was a little damp.”

“Still.” He pouted and I felt my chest ache because I hated when he was hurting. I hated more that I hadn’t been there.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I voice my feelings.

“It’s fine mom. It wasn’t your fault.” He shrugged. “Is Jax coming over?”

“You bet. I’m going to drop you and your mom off and then head out to get some pizza and ice cream and a couple of movies.”

“Cool.” Will grinned as we pulled up to my house and Jax helped me and Will get in without stressing his injury more.

“Alright. Feet up.” Jax said, stuffing a few pillows under his leg as I went into the kitchen to wrap a towel around a bag of frozen veggies. Then I grabbed some pain killers from the cabinet and poured my son a glass of water.

“Here.” I placed it against the swelling and Will winced but then relaxed as the ice helped soothe his hurt. “And take this.” I handed him some pills and a glass of water while Jax watched us.

“Do you have any movie requests big guy?”

“Guardians of the Galaxy!” he said happily. “It just came out on DVD.” Jax grinned wider.

“Good choice. I’m thinking you’re an extra cheese and pepperoni type, like me.” Will nodded.

“How’d you know?” Jax shrugged with an air of cockiness that made me smirk. “Because you have good taste.” He winked.

“Mom likes veggies on her pizza.” Will shook his head as if it was a crazy thought.

“Girls can be weird.” He shrugged and then turned to me. “One good pizza and one gross one coming right up.”

“And chocolate peanut butter ice cream.” Will and I added in unison. Jax looked taken aback at the similar tone in our voices before he laughed.

“Looks like your mom has good taste too.” Will laughed.

“Sometimes.” He agreed. “I mean you were a pretty good choice. Can I have the remote?” I handed it to him while I felt both Jax and I process his words. I took a deep breath and decided it would be a good time to talk to my son.

“A pretty good choice?” I aksed, pushing him to see just what he thought.

“Yeah, he’s your boyfriend right?” I gave him a soft smile and felt Jax come up behind me and hold my hand.

“Yes he is. Are you okay with that?” Will nodded.

“My friend Nate’s parents are divorced but his dad has a girlfriend that lives with him. Will Jax move in with us?” I shook my head and shrugged.

“We just started dating buddy, but would it be cool if I was around more?” Will took a second to think about it.

“Could we go to your house sometimes? Rob says you have cooler video games than him.” I laughed shaking my head at the idea that a grown man had more video games than a 13 year old.

“Sure. And I was hoping to take you and your mom to the beach next weekend.” Will widened his eyes.

“You want to take me too?” Jax nodded.

“Yeah, I got us surfing lessons, but I think maybe now we’ll be doing something a little less involved.” He pointed to Will’ leg and he pouted down at it.

“Damn.”

“You know you’re not actually supposed to use that word.” I reminded him which made him roll his eyes so authentically I was suddenly terrified of his teenage years.

“It’s not even a bad one. Rob says way worse stuff.”

“And you’re a better kid than him.” Jax interrupted. “Don’t tell him I said that though.” He winked.

“Don’t you have pizza and movies to get?” I teased my boyfriend who reached down to press a kiss against my cheek before ruffling Will’s hair.

“I’ll be right back.” Jax said winking at me before grabbing his keys and heading out.

“Can I watch tv until he gets back?” I nodded but before I could grab him the remote he spoke again. “Do you think Dad will be mad that you have a boyfriend?” I widened my eyes and turned to look back at him.

“Are you mad?” He shook his head.

“No I’m happy because you’re much happier. But dad loves you right?” I swallowed as I sat down next to my son.

“He did once I think. But he has a girlfriend now.” I said simply, trying my best to keep the memory of his father as untarnished as I could.

“But you said just because he left doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us.” He pointed out.

“He still loves you Will, you’re his son. But we weren’t working as a couple anymore.”

“You’re not supposed to have a girlfriend when you’re married.” Will growled and I felt a pang of guilt. Technically? I was still married even though I knew he was talking about Nick.

“He made a bad choice. But I know he loves you.” I said knowing that his way of love was a little different than ours.

“I don’t love him.” My heart broke more at my sons confession, even more than when I’d seen him in physical pain, the emotional pain was much worse.

“Yes you do.” Will sighed.

“I like Jax better.” I struggled not to smile at that and patted his head.

“I’m glad you like Jax. I like him too.” I said handing him the remote so I could end this conversation until I had something better to say. I sat on the floor in front of him and we dazed off on old Scrubs reruns until I heard the front door opening again. I looked behind me to see Will fast asleep.

"He fell asleep." I chuckled softly as he set the boxes on my table and put the ice cream in my freezer.

"And you were dangerously close."

"I got so worried, now I feel exhausted all of a sudden." I admitted. Jax wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer before kissing me chastely.

"It makes sense. You can relax now." I let out a breath, being in his arms was like a drug, it released me from my life for a moment.

"I'm sorry today didn't go as planned." I said seriously.

"It's fine, we can go another time." He replied. "And we have our weekend away soon."

"True. I can't wait." I pressed a hard kiss against his lips and he grinned wider.

"Speaking of which." He paused and leaned back against the counter. "Should we push it back? I mean to give Will some time to get better."

“I don’t know, let’s wait a day to decide. He’s so excited. He says you’re even cooler than Coach Travis.” I laughed and Jax beamed down at me.

“He said that?” he asked, looking so adorably happy.

“Don’t be so surprised, Coach Travis makes him run like 2 miles at every practice.” I reminded him.

“True.” Jax grinned and I looked over at my son who was sound asleep.

“Let’s grab one of these pizzas and head to my room so he can sleep for a while.” Jax nodded, grabbing the box and following me to my bedroom.

“Maybe we should have gone to the den instead.” I said, pouting when I got there.

“Why?” Jax smirked.

“Because here it’s going to be too tempting to jump you.” I admitted.

“I’m pretty sure it will be tempting anywhere.” He teased, and leaned down to press a kiss against my neck as my phone rang.

‘Hold on it’s Parker.” I said, answering the call to assure him Will was fine and then talk about the new house he had just bought in the city.

“Your brother is pretty famous.” I laughed as I grabbed a piece of pizza.

“Half of my brothers are famous Jax, you’ll have to be a little more specific.”

“I googled you.” He admitted, scratching the back of his neck. I blinked, it hadn’t even occurred to me that he would do that, but I guess it kind of made sense, my family was a lot to deal with.

“So you know I won the realtor award.” I winked, playing down myself since my family was pretty larger than life.

“I didn’t know that. I know you started your company with Parker’s help and paid him back times ten. I know you have a brother who owns the most popular bars in the city and another with an Olympic medal, not to mention the one who’s an actor.” I nodded.

“And my sister’s an artist.”

“An up and coming artist who’s on her way to making art history.” He agreed.

“What’s your point?” He shrugged.

“What is it that you see in me exactly?” I blinked and then set down my pizza to look at him.

“My ex was a lawyer. He was successful, driven, not nearly as much as my family but still, he provided for me. Until he didn’t. Until he left. And I didn’t know him Jax, not really, not like I already know you.”

“Do you?”

“I know you scratch the back of your neck when you’re nervous, I know how your eyes change when you’re sad or happy or excited, or horny.” I added with a laugh. “You tell me about your day and you’re always trying to fit in more and more time with me.”

“Because I like you.”

“Well, that’s what I see in you Jax. You really like me. Not to mention you’re talented and caring and loyal.”

“And hot.” He added, teasing me to make the moment less about him. I laughed as I agreed.

“So damn hot it’s hard for me to even handle it.” I agreed. “Men are usually intimidated by my family and my life and my son. You weren’t any of those things. And you weren’t afraid to fight for me even when I said no over and over. You’re my dream guy Jax….you’re going to be stuck with me.” He smiled, a soft real smile that was just as incredible as every other facial expression he made.

"That's what I want." He said after a few moments where I could tell he was processing. "To be stuck with my beautiful woman." I grinned and finally started eating my pizza.

"Perfect. Don't think about my family or my brothers, it's just us that matters."

"So beautiful, so wise." he faked a sigh before smiling and leaning into me. "I won the jackpot." I laughed again, covering my mouth my hand to keep the food in my mouth while Jax pushed my hair back. “Stop looking so cute or I'll cry when I'll have to go away tonight." I pouted up at him.

"I wish you could sleep with me." I said honestly before taking another bite of her slice.

"I wish that I could every night." He said back and the butterflies in my stomach jumped every time he said what I was thinking. I knew rationally this was fast, it was why I had pushed against it for so long but damn I wanted to be in his arms every night too, every morning. I felt like I wanted to spend every second with him no matter how lame that made me sound.  

"Mom!" Will yelled, apparently now awake.

“His voice is changing." I muttered and pulled back but he reached for me and kissed me one last time.

"He's turning into a man." he grinned at me.

"No." I frowned as we made our way back to the living room.

"Mom is Jax-" Will cut himself off as soon as he saw him, "Oh good you're here. I'm hungry." He said and grinned at me. I kissed his forehead and smiled even though he was rolling his eyes at me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Hungry." He said again.

"I'm going to reheat your pizza." I said, shaking my head at my smartass of a son. I grabbed some pizza and a plate and set it in the microwave before grabbing a soda for Will and a beer for Jax, heading out when the slice was ready.

"Thank you." Jax smiled at me.

“I can’t believe I let the as.sholes from the other team floor me like that.” Will shook his head.

“Will.” I snapped as I shook my head

“Oh like you’ve never said that.” I tried not to laugh with Jax. “Mom likes to pretend that she was always perfect but I know better because Aunt Lila and my Uncles told me.”  He smirked.

“She’s pretty perfect though huh?” Jax asked, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

“Yeah it’s kind of annoying.” Will muttered. “This pizza is awesome.”

“I know, it’s from a little place by my house, best pizza in the state.” Will nodded.

“How are you feeling sweetie?” I asked, looking over at his foot which was still swollen.

“Better. Jax ssays I’ll be okay in a few days. Are we really going to the beach this weekend?” I grinned and sat back, letting myself get comfortable. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a dinner like this, so easy, carefree. I couldn’t remember ever being happier.

“That’s the plan buddy.” He nodded. “I got your mom the trip for her birthday.” Will nodded and looked impressed before he groaned.

“Oh god does that mean we have to do girly things like shopping?” Jax and I laughed.

“Maybe you and I will let your mom shop for a few hours by herself while we hang out.” Will nodded enthusiastically.

“Please, anything’s better than shopping.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Jax nodded. “Want some more pizza?” Will handed him his plate and he went into the kitchen to warm some more up.

“I’m glad you have a boyfriend mom.” Will said softly. I grinned.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes, because now when I get a girlfriend you’ll be too busy with Jax to set any rules on me.” I bust out laughing at my sassy son.

“You wish little man.” I said, placing a sloppy kiss on his forehead.

"What were you wishing for?"

"When did you have your first girlfriend Jax?" He asked him instead, and I widened my eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Where is that coming from?"

"My very smart son thinks that since now I have a boyfriend, I'll be too busy to set rules on him when he'll have a girlfriend." I explained, "But what my smart son isn't thinking is that it will take a long time before that happens."

"Rob already has a girlfriend." He shrugged nonchalantly between bites. I widened my eyes further as Jax glanced at me.

"I'm not surprised." Jax commented quietly.

"Already?!" Jax squeezed my side and I made a mental note to ask my brothers how young they were when they started dating.

"You guys have plenty of time to have girlfriends who'll cause you trouble, no need to hurry."

“Did you have a girlfriend at 13?” I asked Jax who laughed.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“I kissed a girl once.” Will said. My head whipped back to my son.

“You what?!” Will rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a big deal mom. It was just a dare.” I had a moment where I was seeing my son graduate and go off to college and then get married and have kids of his own.

“Careful man, you’re going to give your mom a heart attack.” I pulled myself back to reality.

“Lila said your first kiss was when you were 12.” Will pointed out.

“First of all Lila is a big mouth.” I started, laughing with Jax and Will who promised to tell on me. “Secondly? How come you told Lila and not me?”

“Because you’d freak out!” Will said seriously. “Plus it was dumb anyways, I didn’t even like her.”

“That’s a bummer.” Jax said, grinning at the conversation that I was trying to accept.

“Why not?” Will shrugged.

“I like a different girl. But I’m not telling you any more so don’t ask.”

“Fine.” I sighed. “I’ll accept that you’re turning into a moody teenager who doesn’t need me anymore.” I said in an overdramatic voice.

“Do you see what I have to deal with? Please distract her.” He said to Jax.

“I’m not getting in the middle of this one.” Will smirked and looked around.

“Can I get some books? I’m bored.” I sighed and stood up.

“I’ll grab some from your room.” I ran upstairs and used the restroom quick before going into his room. I looked around, he read so much I had no idea what he was reading now, I really should moniter that better now that I knew he read anything he could get his hands on. I finally chose the two that were by his bed and headed back downstairs.

"Mom I already read them both." He complained, shaking his head.

"Already?!"

"Weren't we supposed to watch a movie instead?"

“Did you get Guardians of the Galaxy?” Will asked, grinning at Jax

“Of course.” He went to go grab it and effortlessly figured out our tv system which always took me at least 15 minutes and in no time I was laughing along with my two favorite guys. Wow. I’d never referred to Nick as my favorite. I had 5 brothers after all and they’d always come before a man. Of course Will trumped everyone but Jax….my god he was becoming more important to me as every second went on. He wasn’t holding me right now, his hand was grabbing mine and tracing little patternes against my skin that left me weak but besides that we were barely touching and still I felt more connected to him than I’d ever felt for my ex.

“I’m going to make some tea.” I stood up and went into the kitchen, running my hands through my hair and feeling really hot all of a sudden. I opened the freezer to stick my head in when I felt his presence.

“Colbie.” I peeked out of the freezer.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“I got really hot.” I admitted lamely.

“Something just freaked you out. What’s wrong.” He narrowed his eyes on me and I could see the fear in them, the worry that I was about to run away from him again like I’d been doing all along.

“I felt a little out of control.” I admitted. “I like being in control….I liked knowing how to handle how I feel.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, still treading carefully with me.

“Us Jax. This is happening so fast and I’m not sure how to handle it.” Jax walked up to me, cupping my head in his big hands and god the feeling of safety, of right and of home was so real when he touched me like this.

“Please don’t do this Colbie.” He said, his words cracking slightly, still thinking I was planning to run away before I could get hurt. But that wasn’t the brave thing to do.

“Don’t fall in love with you?” I asked softly, looking up into his gorgeous eyes. “I can’t help it.” I heard Jax suck in an audible breath as his eyes widened. I felt like I was standing on a cliff, I couldn’t believe I’d just said that.

"What?" he finally breathed out. I shook my head and swallowed hard before pulling away.

"It doesn't matter." I said, making myself busy with my tea and dishes and anything I could think of. My heart was beating so fast I could barely breathe and when I felt Jax wrap his arms around me from behind I let out the breath I had been holding. If he was touching me he wasn’t scared right?

"Colbie, stop." he said quietly, tilting his head down and speaking against my neck. I set my hands on the counter to balance myself as I looked at the ground, trying to catch my breath.

"I know it's too soon. How long have we been together now? Things are moving so fast and everything is like so amplified with you-"

"I love you." he cut me off and his arms tightened his hold on me like he was afraid I’d run. I wasn’t running. I wasn’t even sure I’d heard him right, but oh my god I wished I had. I turned in his arms and looked into his eyes that were brimming with all of the emotion his words had just said.

“I love you too.” I heard him groan before fisting my hair and kissing me so thoroughly everything fell away except this. God was it supposed to be this good? Was it even allowed to be?

“I never thought I’d meet you.” He whispered against my lips.

“I’m so lucky you did.” I kissed him back this time, only pulled back into reality when I heard Will laugh from the other room.

“He really loves this movie.” I laughed.

“He has good taste.” Jax smirked at me, still playing with my hair gently.

“I feel like I’ll never stop grinning like this.” I laughed.

“I hope you never do.” He replied, his own smile so big and bright it nearly floored me. I couldn’t believe he was all mine, that he chose me. “Come on I’m missing the movie.” He pulled me out and I was struck again by how much he wanted to not only be a part of my life, but Will’s too. I desperately wanted to be alone with him, to say with my hands and my mouth and my body the things I’d said. But I also loved this too, the comfortable way he now leaned into me on the couch, his arm around me as he ruffled Will’s head and asked about his leg.

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. I could so easily see lazy days like this, nights where we’d have dinner and so much joy it nearly killed me. Was I getting too ahead of myself? This wasn’t how real life worked. Not my real life anyways.