there are times when you don't give me a smile, I lie awake at night and worry for a while

I woke up suddenly, my torso lifting off the bed as I got in a sitting position involuntarily, my eyes opening wide and my heart pounding in my chest. It had been only a dream, a nightmare more so, one that had left me even more anxious and restless than usual. I let my back fall on the mattress again before I rolled onto my side, my eyes adjusting to the cold light of the early morning as I looked out the window in front of me, Copenhagen looking beautiful. I swallowed, deep in my thoughts, my lids feeling heavy but I refused to fall back asleep, I didn't want to torment myself further, and even though I had no idea of what time it was, I knew that Aria and I had our flight later that day. It had been a very nice week, a second honeymoon opposite to the first one, but just as good. We had visited the city, I had taken Ar to the places I had already been alone before, we had enjoyed our time lazily, the tempo of our days a lot slower than usual. It had been amazing and I wished we'd stay there some more, or forever, the thought of going back to our normal lives enough to make me feel drown by anxiety. Enough to give me nightmares.

"Seb." Aria's voice, soft and gentle, broke the silence in our hotel room and her hand landed on my shoulder as I felt the bed flex behind me. "Are you awake?" She asked as she eased herself behind me, making me realize that she hadn't been in bed when I had woken up minutes before. That had to be why the bed was so cold, she was my personal heater.

"Yeah." I muttered under my breath, my voice still groggy as I kept my eyes in front of me and refused to let her see the anguish devouring me.

Her body adjusted against mine, her chest pressing against my bare back as her arm wrapped around my waist and her nose nuzzled my neck. "What's wrong?" She asked, the softness and patience in her voice surprising me because she was becoming really a saint with me.

I reached for her hand and pressed a kiss on it's back before closing it in mine as I leaned them both against my heart. Silence weighted on us while I wondered if telling her what was on my mind or not. I trusted her, she was my wife and the person who knew me better, but I didn't want to make her sad with my dark thoughts and I knew she'd disagree with me and my view on my future as much as I'd disagree with her. We were opposites that worked together perfectly, but we were still opposites. "I had a nightmare, I think." I said eventually, giving her the simplest answer.

"What was it about?" She asked as she squeezed my hand and placed soft soothing kisses up my neck.

I shook my head, tugging at her arm to keep her closer to me, "I don't even remember anymore." I said honestly before changing the topic, "Why weren't you in bed?"

"I was packing...did you forget we're leaving today?" She asked back with a hint of amusement in her tone.

"I wish." I muttered under my breath, closing my eyes and exhaling loudly.

"Seb..." She trailed off, her voice sounding a little unstable, as if she was struggling to say what was on her mind. "Where are we going to stay?" She asked eventually, making me want to hit my head against the corner of the bedside table. "I know we're landing in LA but that doesn't mean we'll stay there."

I tensed, because the subject was a touchy one, but also one I couldn't keep avoiding even though I'd done a great job so far. "We can stay wherever you want." I answered simply, but it wasn't that simple. We had to pick a place to call home and our opinions on the matter were, once again, opposites, and while I didn't want to live in LA I didn't want her to be unhappy neither, I was torn and that was just the icing on the cake made of all the worries about the future.

"I want you to have an opinion in this also," Aria said seriously, her voice still unsure when it came to this topic.

"We'll stay at your place," I said and gave her another nonchalant shrug.

"What if Gavin's home? What if my sister has moved in with him?" She replied, referring to the way her old roommate was also her old best friend who was now dating her sister.

I elicited a response that sounded like a groan. "We'll stay at a hotel," I replied and scrubbed my hands over my face.

"Is that our new lifestyle? Living out of suitcases and staying at the nicest hotel in town?" She asked with a sadness to her tone, maybe a little bitter too. She was overreacting and being way too dramatic if she really thought I'd ever be okay with moving from a hotel to another. I wasn't as anxious as she was to find a place to settle, but that didn't mean I didn't want it.

"Why do you need an answer right now Ar?" I asked back and my tone sounded unrecognizable, exhausted.

"Because I've been asking the same question for almost an entire year now!" She choked back, sounding as exhausted as I sounded too.

I looked at her, studying her face, and eventually I realized that I couldn't do this to her anymore. I hated seeing her upset because of me, to be the cause of her unhappiness, I was a selfish man and I knew it, but if I someone could make me better? That was Aria. And even if we were married now, I didn't want her to have a reason to start running again because we had tried that so many times, I didn't want to go through that ever again. "I don't have an answer for that Ar." I said quietly, setting my hands by each side of me to lift myself in a sitting position to that my back was leaning against the headboard.

"Just because you don't have it, it doesn't mean we can't even talk about it. It doesn't mean you can't even tell me what's your opinion!" She went on, crossing her legs indian style as she looked at me, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt nervously, revealing her agitation.

I kept my eyes on her, wanting to open up but only feeling myself withdraw instead. "We're talking about it now." I said back, forcing a quiet tone.

She shook her head as she broke eye contact, her eyes looking at her hands, "We're not instead. You keep dancing around the point and I keep trying to get what you really want but all I get is nothing. I thought we were getting better at having conversations like two normal adults, maybe I was wrong."

That was a low blow, either deserved or not, my anguish shifting to anger. I thought I was trying to learn how to compromise, instead it was just a waste of time and maybe it was better when I took my decisions and forced her on her. "If it was up to me? I'd live in San Francisco because that's where home is to me." I said bitterly, "But we both know what happened last time I wanted you to move there with me. What would you do now? Divorce me?"

Her mouth dropped open, "You're being an a.ss." She retorted and she was right. "It's not fair, I already told you I'd follow you there."

"Yeah right. You'd hate it and end up being unhappy." I said back in monotone, knowing that she didn't like the city I loved so much instead. I appreciated the offer, but I wasn't that naive to accept, no matter how much I already missed my house. I had tried on my own skin already how it was to be the cause of her depression, I didn't want that to happen again. At the same time, I wasn't ready to give up on what I wanted either, so I ended up with no plan, with no solution, and with a mood that was dangeously alike to the ones I used to get into months, if not years ago.

"Okay Seb," Aria said after a moment, looking just as upset as I felt, it only making me feel worse because I could tell she was giving up. In all these years and through all these fights, she had never done that. Maybe this was her new way to run.

I stared at her again, trying to engage her mood once more, more like trying to figure a way to make us better, "Now you're mad."

"No. I'm tired of trying to have this conversation and leaving it empty handed," She said seriously, no emotion to her voice, it was as monotone as the tone I had been using on her. Setting her feet back on the floor, she walked back over to the suitcase we'd bought days ago when we first arrived in Copenhagen. She picked up the remaining piles of clothes and continued packing them, while I watched her in silence.

As I kept my eyes on her, I realized that this felt like when we used not to see each other for a while after a fight, only now we were in the same room and no one could run. Also, we were married, and what was different too was how I had the feeling that while in the past I had been able to go through days with the thought of her mad at me, now I could never, because I wasn't that good at repress my feelings anymore, but mostly I didn't want to. It was hard for me to think, nearly impossible to say, but Aria was my rock whenever something in my life went bad. The thought of having her always made me feel better, made me feel lucky. "Come here." I said after being quiet for a few moments.

She shook her head as she kept putting away stuff, not bothering to turn to me, "No Seb, I'm tired of being the only one talking. And I'm not in the mood for anything else."

I let out a deep sigh, moving on the bed until I was sitting on its edge, the closer to Ar I could get. "Ar, please." I added quietly, stretching my arm out as I waited for her to turn to me. When she did, our eyes locked and I wondered if she was seeing how weak I was in that moment, if she could get how much I hated it too.

Her hand linked to mine eventually, I didn't waste a second as I pulled her to me, forcing her to sit on my lap, her knees resting by each side of my body. "I'm not going to stay here with you and share your silence." She warned, maybe being a little harsh, but I deserved it. I was tempted to be an a.sshole about it too, but this time I knew better.

I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, buring my face against the crook of her neck as I closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of my favorite place. "I don't know what to do Ar, and it drives me insane." I confessed eventually, trying to open up.

Her body relaxed a little in my hold, her hand moving up the back of my neck to play with my hair. "You're only human Seb." She said back, knowing me well enough that for me there was no other option than perfection and I was hard on myself.

"I always have plans, a view of how I want my future to be, an objective to reach, now I have nothing. I'm lost and you're the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind." I said against her neck, grateful she couldn't see my face while I spilled my fears and showed her my weaknesses, my hold on her getting tighter.

"I'm always going to be here for you," Aria said back quietly. "I love you so much, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. You have to let all the anger you have towards your last film go."

"It's not that easy," I said with my head still hidden in the crook of her neck.

She moved her fingers to the back of my neck, massaging it gently, "Everyone does something in their career that they wish they could take back. It's just what makes you a stronger person because now you'll only work harder."

I pulled my head back to shoot her a skeptical glance, "And what part of your career do you regret?"

"Most of it," She grinned at me, knowing she'd done awful movies and even worse photoshoots. But that was all when I wasn't with her.

"Like the movie we did together? Or the one I picked you as my main actress?" I asked back, trying to make the moment lighter but failing. I didn't want to dig too deep in all my dark thoughts because I knew Ar would try to convince me that I didn't need to be so hard on myself and while I was smart enough to know she was right, I was also too stubborn to follow her good advice.

"Hilarious but no." She smiled a little, leaning into me to press a soft kiss on my lips before pulling her head back again with a more serious expression on her face. "I never thought I'd say this after all the times I complained about you working too much...but you need to go back to your job Seb."

I kept my eyes on her until I couldn't handle it anymore, because the truth was that hard sometimes, instead I went back to my favorite place. "I know I do." But I didn't know what to work on next. I had disliked my last movie so much that I was afraid that no matter what project I'd pick, I'd make it bad.

A small sigh escaped her as she kept me against her, giving me the silent comfort I needed right now. Never in my life I had showed this part of myself to anyone, I didn't regret showing it to my wife. "No matter what you'll do, it will be great." She said eventually, having so much faith in me.

"I still don't know what to work on, I need some time to figure it out." I said back quietly.

"Stubborn, aren't you?" Came her reply, her fingers moving up and down my back slowly and soothingly.

I finally pulled my head back to look into her eyes, "I am." I admitted then paused, trying to collect my thoughts once again, "I think I'll make up my mind in London." I added, saying implicitly that I'd follow her to the location of her new movie. When she had asked I hadn't been sure about my answer, but now without projects on my horizon it seemed like a good idea.

Aria stared at me as she processed my words, the corners of her lips quirking into a genuine smile when she finally understood what he was saying. "You're coming with me?" She asked, her hand resting on my lower back while she kept staring at me.

I nodded my head then shrugged as if it were nothing. She had followed me to Seattle for my career, but that had been her choice and I'd never do something only because she had done that before too. That wasn't how it worked for me. "If you still want me to come," I replied.

"Of course I do," She moved a hand to my cheek and let it rest there. "I want you with me always."

"Even if I complain the whole time?" I joked, even if there might be some truth to it. We'd been so many places together, luckily London was a place we could both agree on. The thought of living for a while in place where the weather was cold, grey and gloomy sounded good to me, if it wouldn't inspire me at least it'd match my mood.

"I'll spank you if you complain," She said with a forced serious face before breaking into a grin and pressing a kiss against my lips.

I kissed her back, allowing myself to relax a little even though I knew I couldn't consider myself safe just yet. I wouldn't be until we'd decide where to live, or at least the city where our main house would be. "That won't ever happen Ar." I grinned back at her.

She faked a sigh as she leaned her cheek against my shoulder, "Life's so unfair, I always let you spank me instead." She protested.

"You love it as much as I do." I said back and kissed the top of her head, feeling that I needed to give her some kind of reassurance if I wanted to keep postponing the decision about our future. "You'll be in London for a few months right?" I asked as an afterthought.

"We will, yes." She corrected me, breathing against my neck and letting me caress her gently like she had done with me earlier.

"Can I start going planning crazy? I need something to focus on." I asked in a honest voice, knowing I needed it. Having so much free time on my hands and not knowing what to do with myself was driving me crazy. I loved reading, watching movies, listening to music and going hiking, but all of that lost it's sense when I didn't have a work project on the side too, not even an idea to develop.

She brushed the tip of her nose against my neck, "As long as I'll be part of it and I'll have the last word on the place you'll want to rent for our stay in London, yes you can crazy husband." She answered quietly.

"Deal." I wrapped my arms tighter around her, once again thinking about how good she was to me and for me. I knew that well already, of course, still she still managed to surprise me for how better she got everyday while I still had moments when I took steps back instead of moving forward. "I was also thinking we should keep our Seattle house since you love it and I do too. Just like I want to keep my San Francisco house and if you want, you should keep your LA one...even thought I'm not sure if you still want to share that propriety with Gavin." I went on, aware that those were the places where we had spent the years of our lives apart, they were still meaningful to us though. My house was for me at least, while I didn't know how she felt about the place she shared with the guy who used to claim to be her best friend and now was mia along with her sister. It was a messy situation, Ar never wanted to talk about it and that said it all.

Aria pulled her head back just enough to blink at me, studying me as if she didn't believe my words. She had to believe me, she knew I never said things without meaning them, but she looked doubtful. "Really?" She said quietly, keeping her lips parted as she stared at me. "You think I should keep my LA place?"

"Yes," I said and shrugged, wondering if that made sense to her because surely it did to me.

"What if we got a place together there instead?" She suggested, knowing how much I hated being in the house she co-owned with Gavin. "I don't expect us to live there always since we'll have our other homes, but I think it'd be nice," She added with a smile, letting me know that she liked my plan.

I processed her words and thought fast about how to respond. The thought of having a house in LA still freaked me out for some reason, I hated the city and all the unwanted attentions that brought living there, but I wouldn't bring that up again, knowing that my wife would only tell me that was a collateral effect of the job we did. I just couldn't get used to that. "It'd make sense since I still have my family there." I said carefully, that being the only reason that could convince me. Things with them were finally good again and I didn't want to put a distance, neither literal or metaphorical, with them again.

She nodded, seeming to like my answer so far. "We could spend time with our nieces whenever we are in town." She reasoned, knowing how the two little girls were my weakness.

"I'd like that." I agreed at first, but I wasn't sold on the idea just yet. I needed some more time to digest it, adjust it to make it work better for me which meant I needed to reason about where would be better to have a house, possibily far from other celebrities and as under anyone's radar as possible. "But we won't have enough time to find a house now that we come back." I added, that being just as true.

She stared at me for a long moment, as if she was trying to understand how my mind was working. "Because we'll be leaving for London in two weeks?" She asked and I nodded, "Two weeks aren't that bad."

"We'll have a lot to do during those two weeks." I started, praying that she wouldn't argue about that. I was trying to compromise, I was asking for time and she'd have her house in LA eventually. "You have to get ready for the movie, we have to go to Seattle to collect some of the stuff we left there and I need to talk to Erin to figure out how to make work Erin for me even if I'll be on the other side of the ocean. Oh, and we have to find where to live in London too."

Aria nodded her head in agreement, looking relieved as mush as I was starting to feel. "It sounds like a busy two weeks. When will we have time for making love?" She asked and grinned when I wrinkled my nose, still not a fan of the term. "Why are you making that face silly man? Don't you want to make love to your wife?"

"No, I'm too busy thinking about my future and work," I said but smiled eventually, because she was pouting.

Her lips quirked into a smile that matched mine and she leaned her chest against mine, relaxing in my hold. "Are you feeling better now?" She asked softly, always being the amazing person she was. She was a lot more than my wife, in fact that term didn't mean much to me, there were no words to describe what she really was for me.

I nodded and lowered my body on the bed again, my back on the mattress and my hands on her thighs as I looked up at her. "Yeah, I do. A lot." I said, smiling a little.

She joined me, laying next to me and cuddling against my side, "You should always open up with me, no matter what's on your mind. I'm here to listen to you always." She said softly, her hand moving up and down my chest slowly.

"I know babe, but you know how I am." Came my response, because no matter how much I was trying to change and have changed already, there were parts of me that were harder to mold.

"You're stubborn like a donkey." She said back before she broke into a chuckle, amused by her own words and I didn't care if she was making fun of me as long as she was back on her happy track.

"I can agree on being stubborn but I'm not a donkey." I grinned at her, wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close, feeling thankful to have her with me in my life for forever. Marrying her had been one of the best choices of my whole life.

She looked up at me, the back of her head resting on my arm, "What are you? A lion? A tiger? Or are those not manly enough for you?" She asked with her smile still in place.

"I'm a wolf, and you're little red riding hood." I answered before yawning, the tension leaving me and making me feel exhausted all over again. But I was also thinking about our plans ahead, how to find a place in London, and that was a good sign because I felt a little like my usual self again.

Aria laughed softly again and nuzzled my neck, "Is my wolf still tired?"

"I slept bad," I said flatly and sighed, thinking back to my nightmare and the way I had been tossing and turning all night. It wasn't rare for me having trouble sleeping, but if I usually just got up whenever it happened, I couldn't do that when I was in hotel room with Ar sleeping next to me. Or on me.

"Rest your eyes and let me cuddle you," She suggested and peeked up at me as I closed my eyes, only for her effort since I wasn't big on napping and once I woke up? I was up for the day.

"Massage me woman. I'm sore," I said with a grin on my lips.

She leaned closer to kiss my lips. "You're pushing your luck now," She said seriously.

"Don't I do always? What's life without a little thrill?" I said back in a joking tone since asking for a massage was hardly thrilling, but if it was an excuse for a little silly challenge with my wife? That was always good.

She laughed at my words and I felt her body get away from mine, my eyes opening immediately when I didn't felt her warmth against me anymore. "I don't think it would be wise for little red riding hood to stay too close to the wolf." She pointed out.

I watched her lazily, not wanting to move an inch but missing having her on me. "She should have thought about that when she married him." I retorted quietly.

"What's life without a little thrill?" She winked at me as she used my own words against me before she started folding clothes again, giving me the view of her perfect ass in the process. "Are you going to stay there and stare or are you going to help me pack?" She asked after a few moments of silence.

I groaned as I got up from the bed, running my hands through my hair and walking over her. "Neither." I answered as I cupped her ass with one hand and pressed a kiss on the side of her head, debating in my head if I'd rather shower or take a run before going to the airport.

Aria grinned and bit into her bottom lip, shaking her head. "Is my a.ss too distracting?" She looked at him with a lifted eyebrow.

I grinned back at her and nodded, "It is. I think I'm going to go shower."

She wrinkled her nose, "Without me?"

My grin widened and she couldn't help but smile back at me. "If you shower with me, then who will pack for us?" I asked even if really, it was silly. I had always been used to do everything on my own, I wasn't the kind of man that left everything to do to his wife, but I had to admit that since we got married I got lazier, that maybe having to do with my current mood which made me want to do nothing at all.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "I don't know what you'd do without me."

"I don't plan on finding out," I said and gave her ass a soft slap before pulling away from her again. I took my shirt off and tossed it on the side, ready to enjoy my shower.

"Sebastian," She narrowed her eyes on me but smirked at the same time.

I shot her a look, raising a brow as I pushed my shorts down my legs and stepped out of them. "What? You're giving me mixed signals babe." I grinned at her.

She tried to recompose herself but I could tell she was struggling not to keep grinning as she put her hands on her hips for full effect. "You just tossed your shirt on that pile of clothes. Clean folded clothes." She said seriously.

I nodded, "So that's what the full name is for." I smirked as I leaned my shoulder against the doorframe of the bathroom. "What about the grin instead?" I added.

She finally let go and threw herself against me, wrapping her arms around my neck, "You know that already."

"You mean all I had to do was take my shirt off?" I asked as I lifted my hands to cup her face, staring into her eyes then kissing the grin on her lips that matched mine. "I'm sorry about that."

"I'm not." She whispered and leaned into me.

"I'll keep tossing my clothes all around then." I grinned even though I wasn't that bad. Actually, I wasn't bad at all, my control-freakness made of me a tidy man but I had my moments of laziness from time to time too.

"I'd have to see it to believe it," Aria said slowly with an eyebrow raised.

I let out a soft laugh and let her lean her body into mine, "Why aren't you packing? Am I that irresistible?"

She grinned. "I was thinking I'd take a break and join you in the shower..." Sge trailed off and pressed her hips against mine.

I set two steady hands on her hips and stopped them from rocking against me while a grin played on my face, "If you join me in the shower, you'll never finish packing and we'll have to leave everything you just bought behind."

"Oh logical husband of mine. Don't get naked in front of me and expect me to do nothing about it," She said with a small pout.

"But I'm not naked, I'm still wearing my boxers." I said back and kissed her pout away because that wouldn't help her get her way.

She faked a straight face, raising her brow this time, "Are you planning on showering with your boxers on?" She asked like a smarta.ss and I shook my head, "See, you'll get naked eventually." She added and grinned again, looked pleased with her reasoning.

"If you join me, we'll never make it to the airport." I explained, because if she wanted to play the logic game? I was going to win.

She shrugged nonchalantly, "Would it be that bad?" She asked and her grin turned into a smirk, that letting me know that if I said no we'd really end up staying another day in Copenhagen. Despite how much I'd like that, I knew that we had to go back.

I took a few moments before answering, running my hand up and down her back mindlessly, "When we'll be in London it'll be easier to travel." I said instead, for the first time thinking about that. It was going to be a huge pro of spending time there, both Aria and I loved travelling and the thought of being able to go to most of the european capitals in a bunch of hours was enough to make me want to plan another week away.

Aria sighed, and turned her attention back to the suitcases and our clothes, the souvenirs she had bought, and a few gifts for the girls. "I'll be thinking about your wet and soapy naked body while I finish the packing," She said in a monotone and I laughed. And I ignored the fact that she was ignoring my words.

"My dirty underwear you mean?" I said in an amused tone.

She lifted an eyebrow at me and shook her head, "Officially no longer turned on. Thank you."

I laughed and she couldn't help but grin, "Is that all it takes? I've been wondering what your kryptonite is."

"Overly hairy men, mustard, and apparently my husbands dirty underwear," She said matter of factly. "If you're going to stand there, I am seriously going to put you to work."

"Oh, come on. It's not the end of the world, I'm just one man and if you have so much to pack it's all your fault." I retorted simply, grinning and teasing her even if in all honesty? I was pushing it. Even if it was true too.

She narrowed her eyes on me, just like I expected her to. "I'm this close to slapping your face."

"My handsome face you mean." I said back, my grin only getting wider and she just rolled her eyes. "But thank you for packing my stuff too." I added.

"Now, that's the first thing with a sense that you've saud in hours." She sighed once again.

"I'll make up for that one day babe." I smacked her a.ss on my way to the bathroom, ready to finally get into the shower.

"You better." I heard her say as I started the water.

I smirked to myself, talking loud enough for her to hear me, "One day babe!"