the only way you can know, you gave it all you had

 

I stomped on the umpteenth cigarette I had smoked during the last hour as I sat on the steps of Lila's house. God only knew where I had found the patience to wait for her or how many times I had tried to call her but I hadn't had any luck and enough was enough. Just when I stood up, ready to walk back home, she appeared, smiling and looking gorgeous as always in a short dress. "Where the f.uck were you?" I asked, annoyed that I hadn't been able to reach my girlfriend.
Her smile faded as she blinked at me, "What are you doing here?" She asked back instead, sounding genuinely surprised.
"I've been waiting for you for one hour because you know, I wanted to see my girlfriend who I haven't seen in a week. But not only she wasn't home like she had told me to be, her god damn phone was off or I don't know." I answered back, my words coming out in a tone that was harsher than I wanted it to be and that was probably because I was more mad than I thought.
She looked taken aback by my attitude and stared at me with her big eyes. "You didn't tell me you'd come over-"
"Where were you?" I asked again and cut her off, taking a step towards her.

It took her a moment to answer, her expression changing as she raised one eyebrow at me. "Do I need to tell you where I am always?" She tried, but when I groaned she sighed, "I was out with Jax."
"Great." I scoffed, "Lately he sees you a lot more than I do." I pointed out since it was true. I had nothing about Lila and my brother being friends, it had nothing to do with him really, just Lila and I had the worst timing lately and right now I was p.issed off that I had wasted one hour of my time.
"What are you jealous now?!" She asked as she set her hands on her hips, her feisty attitude not a wise choice. I usually liked it, too bad that it wasn't the right time.
"Ha. No." I retorted, shaking my head, since that wasn't the case. I wasn't even jealous at all, let alone of my brother. "I wanted to see you Lil, is it too hard for you to get?"
She let out a sigh as she set her hands on my chest tentatively, a peace offer that I appreciated but at the same time I knew it wouldn't take her anywhere. Not now. "But I'm here now..." She trailed off as as stared at me.
I grabbed her wrists and took a step back, knowing I needed to cool down before being able to stay with her and be a decent person, not an a.sshole. "I could be with you one hour ago, now I have to go home and send some emails for work before going out. I'll text you tomorrow if you're not too busy with my brother or whatever." I said in monotone because it was the best I could do before spinning on my heels and heading home.
"...why didn't you send your e-mails while you were waiting for me?" Lila asked slowly, making me turn back to her again.
"I was here!!!" I said back because it was obvious.
"With your phone I'm guessing. You know that the iphones can send e-mails right?" She teased and I growled at her, because that was not the time to be a smartass.
"It's a little more involved than that." I narrowed my eyes. She was right in theory, but we weren't talking about regular emails.
She rolled her eyes, looking annoyed more than anything. "Okay well have a good night out then." She replied, hiking her shoulder bag higher and turning to walk into her house. That wasn't how this was supposed to go.
"What does that mean?" I asked, trying my best not to yell.
She turned back and set her hands on her hips. "I mean it completely sarcastically. You come here, acting like I did something wrong, when I always get lunch with Jax on Fridays and then you act like you have no time for me because you have your own friends. We're suppossed to be a couple Travis!"
"Is that some kind of bitchy way to ask to come out with me?" I asked, because just how she had her routine with my brother I had mine with my friends and I thought she was okay with that, apparently she wasn't instead.
"No way." She spat. "And if your friends like to be around you like this? I don't care for them either because they have horrible taste." She turned back and slammed her front door in my face.
I took a long deep breath, closed my hands into fists, tight, then let go. In any other circumstance, with any other people, I would have acted differently. My fist would have met the wooden surface of the foor and my yells would have been heard by all the neighborood. But it was Lila, and at the end of the day, I knew she deserved a special treatment. So I opened the door instead. "Lil." I said quietly.
She turned around and licked her lips. "What's up?" She said, trying to act like I wasn't affecting her, but I could see the sadness that was replacing the anger and that was enough to make me feel guilty. Lila was the only one who could make me feel guitly like that.
"You look beautiful today." I said softly, reaching out a hand to cup her cheek, knowing what her weakness was and using it even if maybe it wasn't fair.
She swallowed. "Thank you."
I leaned in and kissed her once, twice, and a third time until I felt her melt against me, getting what I wanted. "Do you want to come out with me tonight?" I asked, my hands tangled in her hair.
"Do YOU want me to come out with you tonight?" She asked.
I nodded my head, adjusting her hair by pushing it behind her ears as I looked down at her beautiful face. "I asked you, didn't I?" I said quietly, even forcing a smile. I wasn't in my best mood, I didn't have a switch, but I was trying because it was the least I could do.
"Yeah, but I don't want to force you into anything." She paused and pursed her lips, as if having a hard time voicing her thoughts, as if she didn't know if it was a good idea to talk to me sincerely. I asked her to be honest with me always instead. "You never took me with you when you go out, I never met your friends..."
"It's about time, isn't it?" I asked back as I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to make her feel that I was sure about my choices. "The reason why I never asked you to come is that I never really thought about it."
She raised one eyebrow slowly, "Sorry but I'm having a hard time believing that."
"I'm honest." I cut her off using a serious tone, "I'm so used to be alone and do my things on my own...it's just a habit, really."
She shrugged nonchalantly, I could tell she was having a hard time believing that though. "I don't want to come if you don't really want me there. I'm not saying we have to do everything together, we're two different human being, independent ones, it's just that I'd like to be more into your world."
I took another deep breath, kissing her lips before pulling my head back. "I know what you mean baby and I want you with me, okay? Get changed, I'll go home and send my emails in the meantime then I'll come pick you." She bit down on her lip as she nodded, but didn't say a word. I lifted her chin with my fingers, boring my eyes into hers, "Give me a kiss baby."
A smile widened her lips before she finally pressed her mouth against mine. "I'll be waiting for you." She whispered against my lips.
I patted her a.ss before pulling back, smirking, "I'll see you later baby." I winked at her then I pulled away from her regretfully, heading to my home.
After a 3 minutes walk I got to my house, my heads full of thoughts while I tried to focus on what I had to do. It had been a long day at work and maybe I had used Lila to vent, but now we were all good again and I could only pray that toniht would be a good one.
I sent my emails then showered, washing away all my anger and frustrations, now all I needed was Lila and a drink. As if knowing my needs before I did, Lila appeared in my bedroom just when I stepped out of the bathroom. "Wow." I commented with a smirk, my eyes taking in her tiny perfect body wrapped in a short tight dress that didn't leave much to the imagination. I was going to be the most envied man tonight, no doubts about that. Grabbing her by her hips, I pulled her against me and tilted my head down to brush my nose against hers, "You're so f.ucking hot."
She chuckled and blushed, never immune to my compliments. "Thank you." She said and licked her lips before biting down on her bottom lip, her finger moving down my naked chest as her eyes got heated. "You are too...too bad you can't go out like this." She whispered and kissed me, a slow sensual kiss that left me groaning and wanting more. "Get dressed before we both change our mind."
I kept my smirk in place and shook my head, "I wouldn't complain." I said as I grabbed a pair of dark jeans and a white shirt, giving her my back.
"Did your friends know all your girlfriends?" She asked from behind me.
I turned around, looking at her sitting on my bed as I buttoned my shirt, "All my girlfriends? Lila, there weren't many before you."
She bit down on her lip, hard, looking nervous, "What about your ex?"
"Karlie?" I asked and she nodded, while I shrugged, "She knows them, they were my friends only at the beginning but then you know, we've been together for years so now they're their friends too."
Her face dropped and she widened her eyes, "Is she going to be there too tonight?" She asked.
I shook my head, knowing that for sure, as I wore my shoes, "Nope." I answered nonchalantly, because really, she had nothing to worry about.

-------------

Lila and I walked into the bar and she ran her fingers through her curly hair, looking as nervous as she was no matter how I had told her to be calm. My friends were usually nice guys and hot girls were always welcomed, mostly when they were nice and too just like my girlfriend.
"Oh come on trav you have a girlfriend now, you can't be grabbing the hottest girl in here." Amanda grinned at Lila and she felt flushed at the compliment.
"Dude that's Lila." Jax said from the corner of what was our usual booth with a red haired girl on his lap.
Aaron widened his eyes. "Oh so she is real!" He grinned and held out his hand to Lila. "I'm Aaron. You're young" He pointed out.
Lila laughed at the same words I had told her more than once. "Lila. Does that make you an old man like Travis?"
Aaron threw his head back and laughed. "I'm even older so I guess it does." He grinned. "I like you."
Lila grinned at me but I was too busy looking around the bar, wondering if Karlie would come too tonight or not. After all she had been the main reason why I hadn't wanted to bring Lila to any of the nights out with my friends. That and that we weren't joined at the hip and we were free to have a life without the other. "I need a beer." I said eventually.
"Me too please." Lila smiled and I looked at her before walking to the bar and grabbing a few dark pony necked bottles.
"Lila this is Greg, Amanda, Rochelle, Ty, and Matt." Jax said pointing to everyone in the circle, doing what I should have done.
"And I'm Larissa." The girl on his lap grinned at her.
"I love your dress." Lila offered, though in my opinion that showed too much and I knew well how my brother got tired too quickly of girls who gave him everything from the start.
"Thanks!"
"It's my dress bitch!" Rochelle rolled her eyes. Girls.
Lila laughed, "Sorry. I hate when my friends get more compliments in my clothes than I do." She admitted, and I wondered when it'd happen since she was hands down the most beautiful girl on earth no matter what she wore.
"Same" Rochelle grinned as I shot Lil her beer and scooted in next to her since I had done enough eavesdropping.
"Tell us about yourself." Matt asked. "All we know is you're hot and used to work with trav. Which is breaking his rules by the way." He pointed out.
"It was worthy." I commented nonchalantly before bringing the bottle to my lips and taking a swig, guessing that for the first part of the night my friends would be busy drilling Lila with questions. I hadn't told them much, except for I had a girlfriend and she was hot. The stage was all hers now.
"When we first met we didn't even know we worked together though." Lila explained as she shoot me a look, scooting closer to me and smiling.
Ty grinned, leaning into her from across the table as he stared at her. "Let me guess, it was in some hole of a bar."
Lila's mouth opened thought she didn't look that surprised. "You know me." I said to my friend, grinning back at him before taking another swig of my beer.
"You have a reputation, don't you?" Lila told me, raising one eyebrow and I couldn't tell if she was annoyed but I just shrugged. I had never been a saint, she knew that.
"In his defense, he stopped hitting on everything with legs since you happened." Matt added, his eyes on Lila. She was his type more than she was mine, too bad she was mine.
"Thank you, you know how to help my case." I said to him in a joking tone, since I didn't care much about my reputation or anything. There was more to the story, even though that wasn't really an excuse, and my friends knew all. Also, most of them weren't any better.
"I'm impressed Lila, you must be really something if you've been able to cage the Cole animal number two." Amanda cut into the conversation, throwing a smirk at my girl.
"The number one can't be tamed." Jax said with a smug grin on his face and Lila shot him a meaningful look. I swear, they were like teenage girls sometimes.
I wrapped my arm around her and caressed her arm mindlessly, "If only Lil had a sister for you...wait she does, but she rejected him." I grinned at my brother, getting a glare both from him and Lila. So everyone could tease me and I couldn't tease anyone back?
"More for me." The girl on his lap said to him, but we all knew she wasn't going to last. None of his girls did.
Zoe appeared from the crowd in the bar, looking as if she had been running. "Sorry guys I'm late." She breathed out, flipping her hair back as she squeezed herself between Matt and Greg but she was looking at me. "I had to drive Karlie back home because she wasn't feeling well...she told me she called you but you didn't answer." She said slowly.
I shrugged again, because I wasn't my ex's babysitter. Even though I ran to her every time she needed me. "I probably didn't hear my phone. But you were with her, so..." I trailed off, knowing that no one would argue with me over Karlie. Not even Zoe, who was a little hypocrite since she acted all holy but had never had a problem sleeping with her friend's ex, me. I didn't regret it, she was hot.
Lila licked her lips and I felt her body tense a little, which I ignored.
"Can I talk to you?" Zoe girl asked, making me wish she didn't. I didn't like talking that much.
I shrugged and stepped out of the booth. "Want another?" I asked, shooting Lila a smile.
She nodded. "Thanks."
I walked to the bar with Zoe, shooting her a side glance as we approached the counter, "What is this about?" I asked her, not willing to wait. I had a feeling that this would be about my ex and I wanted to get over it with as soon as possible.
She bit down on her lip, looking at me with her big black eyes which had way too make up on. "Does Karlie know?"
I raised one eyebrow at her, wondering where she was trying to go with that. "Is that any of your business?" I asked back, feeling free to speak honestly because I knew Zoe pretty good...intimately even. Also I didn't want anyone to step into my territory.
She shrugged, faking an innocent face that didn't fit her at all, "I was just wondering if that was maybe the reason why she didn't want to come tonight..." She trailed off and I stared at her, trying not to look at her impressive cleveage. "And I'm asking you because I want to know what I'm supposed to tell her when I see her." She added, pursing her lips.
"Tell her whatever you want darlin, Lila is no secret." I said nonchalantly, shrugging as I caught the bartender's attention and ordered four shots which were always my first step to get shitfaced. "Are we done talking about this?"
She pushed herhair behind her left ear, batting her dark eyelashes as she kept her eyes on me. She never made mystery of how she was still available for me, even though she knew I wouldn't go there again. "I think so." She licked her lips, "We should talk about the 50 bucks you still owe me from our last bet."
At that I laughed, "Are you sure you they were 50?" I asked, thinking about the night when the bet had happened and remembering close to nothing.
"Damn I am." She smirked at me, setting her hands on my chest, "You can't take it back, I want my money. Or you can find another way to pay your debt..."
I pulled away gently but kept my smirk in place, pushing two of the shots the bartended had set in front of us in her direction before I gave the guy a few bills. "I'll buy you drinks until I'm done with my debt. Let's start with those."
"Are you trying to get me drunk Trav?" She asked in a flirty way that she used with pretty much everyone, making me chuckle as I shook my head. She clinked the small glass to mine, "Deal." She said before downing the first.
"Come on, the other one." I said as I urged her to drink, amused to no end by the faces she was making, "You can do it."
"Oh god." She squeezed her eyes but downed the second shot anyway.
I kept my smirk in place before I drank my own shors without even flinching, then I ordered a vodka for me, another beer for Lila and one for Zoe too. "You're welcome." I told her as we walked back to our booth, leaning into her in the process, "Don't tell anyone I'm buying you drinks or those bloodsuckers will want some too." I whispered into her hair, making her laugh again.
"So you're an artist?" I heard Aaron ask as soon as I was close enough.
"I told you that already." I answered for her.
"You said that she was a work of art. That's different."
Lila laughed. "That's so cheesy!" She shook her head.
"It was a compliment instead." I slid a beer towards her and swished my drink in my hands.
"Switched to harder liquor I see?" She asked.
"Yes." I said simply as I took my seat next to her again, "Want some?"
She wrinkled her nose and shook her head, "No thank you, someone has to drive tonight."
Matt chuckled, "So young and so wise already, where did you find her Trav?" He asked in a teasing tone as he glanced at me.
"Good luck." I shrugged nonchalantly as I took a big gulp of my vodka, it burning down my throat and straight to my stomach but it didn't do much. It always took me a lot more to get drunk and not to be able to drive, no matter what Lila was saying.
"No, we got lucky that we don't have to drive him back home instead." Ty added.
"Shut up, it's not like I'm the only one drinking here." I grinned at my friend as I dropped my hand on my girlfriends bare leg, her silky warm skin making me want to touch more of her.
He ignored me and gave his attention to Lila, who didn't seem too bother though. "He's awful when he's drunk."
"Damn he is." Aaron agreed, looking amused. We were just like that, we teased and made fun of each other, no one got offended and it always ended in a good laugh.
Lila chuckled, "I saw him drunk more than once...he's hard to handle."
I turned my head and buried my nose into her hair, "You never complained about how hard I get." I whispered into her hair before pulling my back to watch her blush.
"Oh god." Jax muttered under his breath, knowing us maybe a little too well.
"Where's Ethan?" I asked instead, taking the attention away from my girlfriend since I didn't know if she was okay with that. I could tell that she wasn't that tense anymore...but she didn't look completely at ease either.
Ty sighed, "Guess. That man has no balls anymore." He commented bitterly.
"Since he got together with this girl?" Rochelle explained to Lila, trying to make her feel part of the girl which I really appreciated. "He doesn't go out with us anymore. We don't know her but I'm sure she's a b.itch. Thank god you're not that kind of girl, we'd miss Trav too much."
"Sure you would." I said smugly and winked at her, making her roll her eyes.
"You should join us more now that we know you and like you." Amanda added with a smile, being really nice like she really was. Zoe on the other hand didn't seem too thrilled and I could only imagine what could happen if Karlie was there too. It wouldn't happen, not yet.
Lila smiled wider, looking genuinely happy about the girls words. "I'd like that, but it's up to Trav...I don't want to tag along all the time." She said softly, and she said the right thing too.
I gulped the last sip of my drink and groaned, "Jax, go get me another one." I said to my brother, noticing that his glass was as empty as mine.
"Ask Matt, last time he was the only one who didn't pay for anything." My brother pointed out, too busy touching the redheads a.ss to get up.
I moved my eyes to Matt but before I could say a word he was already shaking his head. "Take a bottle, vodka is good for me too." He grinned.
"Your a.ss is too heavy now and you can't get up?" I grinned back to my friend, the one I was closest to into the group. I didn't really need best friends since I had my brothers, but sometimes if was nice to have someone who wasn't part of my family to talk to.
"I'm going." Zoe offered, getting up and fixing her skirt in the process, "What do you want guys?"
"Take a bottle of vodka, if I'm in a good mood I'll share." I told her as I handed her a bill with a smirk on my face, "You're an angel."

"An angel? Ha." She winked at Trav and I felt like grumbling. I didn't feel jealous, more like I just got a bad vibe off of her. If she was friends with Karlie but still slept with Travis she clearly didn't have much loyalty and she could at least acknowledge that I was here...and here was my boyfriend, watching her strut her as.s towards the bar. Meh.
"It's already past 11, why don't you two have girls yet?" Trav asked, nodding his head towards Matt and Aaron.
"We're still interested in yours." Aaron grinned wickedly at me, winking which made me roll my eyes. "Platonically of course." He added, sending Trav an innocent look that didn't match him at all.
"There arent any good ones here tonight anyways." Matt sighed looking around the bar lazily, almost looking bored.
"Thanks as.shole." Amanda rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't including anyone at this table gorgeous, but I'm not asking you out again, I'll just get turned down."
"Damn right." Amanda agreed. "I wouldn't date any one of you." She grinned and I laughed as Aaron wrapped his arm around her and tugged her close to him.
"You don't know what you're missing baby."
"I already have a man thank you very much." she pressed her palm into his face and backed him off.
"Since when?" Jax asked, looking interested in the conversation for the first time tonight.
"She means she had one date with him." Rochelle added which got the two girls into a silly fight that reminded me of me with my own girlfriends.
"This is what you do when you go out at night?" I whispered to Trav laughing a little because it was precious and so normal for him to have these friends. I liked it.
"Told you it was boring."
"I'm not bored at all." I grinned. He just shrugged and downed another drink. I wondered what was up his as.s but I didn't ask because honestly? I didn't really want to know.

"Good." I said nonchalantly and smiled at her, liking how she seemed to fit in my group of friends. Setting my glass on the table, I freed my hand and lift it to caress her cheek, my other arm wrapping around her shoulders as I isolated myself from the others from a moment. "Then again, you're never bored with me." I added as my smile turned into a grin.
She grinned back at me, leaning against my side and into my touch, "That says a lot, I get bored real easy."
I rolled my eyes but kept my smirk in place, leaning into her to press a swift kiss on her lips. "Because your brain always works too much." I teased her even though that was true, it was just a sign of how smart she was, which was good unless she was overthinking and obsessing. But that was common to most of girls in my opinion.
"Are you coming too Trav?" Matt's voice brought me back to reality.
I looked at him with a brow raised, since I had no idea of what he was talking about. "Uh?" I asked unintelligently, since I didn't say a word really.
Jax grinned wide at me and I could tell what he was thinking about. "Earth to Travis, we were talking about the new club that opened two weeks ago." He explained thought his stupid teasing smirk was still plastered on his face.
"I'm in." Zoe answered as she walked back to the table, bringing a bottle of vodka and a few clean glasses. She bit down on her lip and glanced at the new drink in her hand before mouthing me a thank you which I answered to with a wink. We were even now.
Rochelle made a bored face as she reached for the bottle, "I don't know, we went at the inauguration and it was nothing special." She commented and I grabbed the vodka back from her, getting a glare. "What a gentleman!"
"This is not for little girls, leave it to us men." I smirked at her and pulled away from Lila as I poured the liquor into the glasses, giving mine a special treatment because well, I had paid for it. "And no, I don't think I'm coming." I added, not in the right mood to go to a club. There was Lila with me and maybe it was better if I didn't push my luck.
"Are you leaving Lila to us?" Aaron grinned as his eyes moved to my girlfriend, "Even better."
"You wish idiot." I muttered before downing my vodka, it slowly starting to have some kind of effect on me.
"I don't mind going." Lila smiled.
I blinked at her before shaking my head, not sure if she wanted to go alone or with me. "I don't think so."
"We've only been out for an hour Trav." She commented, it sounding like a complaint and I didn't like arguing in front of my friends. Even if we weren't arguing, yet. "Besides I know the bouncer there and we could go VIP."
"Hell yeah." Amanda grinned.
"You young girls are always in with the help." Zoe smirked at Lila and she just shot her a half smile. If only Zoe knew where Lila came from, my guess was that one of her brothers was involved in that...they always were.
"Do you want to go?" I asked, looking warily at her.
"What do you want to do instead?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.
"You probably." Jax interuppted, wiggling his brows at Lil and getting a high five from Matt.
"He has a point." I finally grinned at her, since that was always true.
"It's up to you Trav, if you want to leave we can leave."
"No! I want to go VIP!" Amanda pouted, a little tipsy already herself. "Send the party pooper home himself and go out with us." She grinned.
Lila laughed, "I've kind of got a thing for the party pooper." She shrugged as if it was a burden and Rochelle and Amanda groaned.
"You damn Cole men and your hold on women. Come on Trav!" Aaron slapped me on the back.
I shot my friend a look as I downed the rest of my drink. "We're not leaving now, right? Don't pressure me." I muttered.
Jax glanced at Lila, making a ridiculous face as he shot his brows up suggestively. "You still have time to convince him." He said, the guys grinning at his stupid joke, because that was what it was. A f.ucking joke.
I shook my head and produced a cigarette out of the pocket of my jeans as I stood up, "You're wasting your time." I said to my brother before I made my way out of the bar, not liking when people wanted to convince me to do something at any cost, it usually had the opposite effect on me. I lit my cigarette as I leaned my back against the wall and closed my eyes, feeling slightly buzzed.
"Do you have a light?"
I opened my eyes and smirked at Zoe, who was standing in front of me, her arms folded across her waist and her legs crossed tightly at the ankles, her body language showing how she was suffering for the chill air of the night. "Sure darling." I said as I lit her own cigarette, watching her while she smoked. I wondered why Lila hadn't come outside instead, since it was her I wanted, no matter how pleasant Zoe's company could be. "Are you freezing?"
She bit down on her lip and nodded as she stared at me through her dark lashes, "Warm me?" She asked in her usually flirty tone.
I took a long drag, then puffed the smoke out the corner of my mouth. "That'd be a bad idea." I said back, but kept a smile on my lips that kind of faded when I glanced into the bar through the window. Lila seemed to be having a lot of fun, laughing with my friends.
"She's cute." Zoe commented quietly, following my gaze.
I nodded, getting annoyed that my girlfriend hadn't followed me out to talk about what we'd do for the rest of our night. "Yeah." I said vaguely. "She's something."
"Lucky girl." She said back and gave me that look again, the one that told a lot about how much she'd want to get lucky too. We were friends, but she wasn't used to me being taken, we had always been kind of flirty with each other, she was a fun girl.
The rest of the group joined us outside, a clear sign that they were ready to go. "You coming Trav?" Jax asked me.
I didn't bother to look at Lila, wondering if she'd even come with me or prefer my brothers car. "Sure." I shrugged and put my cigarette out, then I gave up and made eye contact with Lila, waiting for her next move.
Lila slid towards me, trying to block out the rest of the group for a moment and connect to me only instead. She slid her hands up my chest slowly and into the hair at the nape of my neck. "Do you want to go home instead?" She asked, leaving the decision up to me.
"You promised my friends something." I said, my eyes narrowed.
She just shrugged. "I can still get them in with a phone call if you want to go home."
"But you don't want to go home." I replied in a smooth voice.
"You are my priority." She said honestly, but still not convincing me enough.
"We'll go." I said finally and she nodded. I made my way towards my bike before she grabbed my arm.
"You've drank too much for that." She said seriously.
I turned to growl at her but she folded her arms over her chest her look telling me that if I insisted on driving that was a deal breaker. I didn't give a fuck though. "Then how the fuck do you want to get there Lil?"
"Lil can drive my car." Jax shouted. "She's the only one sober enough anyways."
"You can't fit that many people in your car." I growled back. "And don't call her Lil." I said under my breath, only loud enough for her to hear.
"Don't be silly I already called us some cabs." Amanda said, waving everyone off and as she said it, two yellow taxi's pulled up.
I growled again and Lila took my hand in hers squeezing it. We stuffed ourselves into the back seat and Zoe got right next to me on the other side and squeezed closer.
"Are you going to save me a dance?" She asked me, winking at me like since we both knew I never danced. But Zoe always asked, just to tease me.
"I always do darling." I grinned at her.
Lila, on the other hand, ignored me, going to the bouncer and a bunch of moments later we got in, ushered to a private booth and told our drinks were on the house. "I'm going to the restroom." Lila said when I tried to pull her closer.
I didn't let go of the grip I had on her, trying to get past all the feelings in my head because they weren't making me think straight. The vodka was helping a little too. "Not so fast baby." I smirked at her, but then she got rid of my hold I blinked, surprised. Her look was hard and her expression severe.
"I really have to go." She added, only to disappear from my view a second later, as if she had been only a vision and not real. There was something off tonight, but it couldn't tell what it was and it made me nervous, annoyed and restless.
I let out a groan, tempted to just get out the club and smoke a few more cigarettes, instead I headed to the bar counter and got another drink that I was sure would do nothing to me. Those fancy clubs never made decent drinks, you could barely taste the alcohol.
"What are you doing here? We have drinks waiting for us at the table." Matt smirked as he appeared at my side.
I didn't say I forgot that, even if I thought it said a lot about my mental state, instead I found another excuse. "I'm sure they taste like soap and have not even a drop of alcohol." I told him as I eyed the glass that the bartender set under my nose. I grabbed it and drank half of it without thinking twice, not even blinking because it didn't taste like much.
"You got it bad, uh?" He asked as he stared at me, confusing me.
I raised one eyebrow at one of my closest friend, wondering where he was going with that. "What?" I asked back, feeling a little like an idiot.
"Lila." He clarified, his grin back and wider this time as we both turned around and our eyes moved until we spotted in the crowd the girls dancing. And my girl.
I smiled almost automatically, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I asked quietly, almost in a daze, always admiring her looks no matter what my mood was.
He nodded and shot me a side glance. "She reminds me of my sister." He made a face that made me laugh, while I thought about his little sister that with Lila shared the young age.
I shook my head and turned to grab my drink, but when I turned towards the dance floor again I saw something I didn't like. The view of Lila dancing with a guy, even if it was just Aaron, sent blood to my head, mostly because she had pushed me away less than a bunch of minutes before. Unfortunately I wasn't famous for being good at managing my mood and sure as f.uck I didn't want to make a scene in front of my friends. "I'm getting a headache with this f.ucking music. I think I'm going home." I announced to Matt.
"We just got here." He protested but knew better than trying to let me stay, so he just sighed and patted my back.
I considered going away without saying bye, then again I don't want to act like an a.ss in front of my friends. So I made my way through the people crowding the club until I was a few inches from Lila. Shooting her a blank look, I grabbed her hip and pulled her to me, but only to press my mouth to her ear. "I'm going home. Have fun." I said in monotone, not bothering to hear her response of anything but pulling away instead, feeling the physical need to get out of this damn place and away from Lila before I could start yelling at her.
"Hey!" I heard her shout once I was outside. I turned towards her, surprised she had followed me. "If you didn't want to come that would have been fine with me." Lila said seriously.
"Go back inside Lila." I told her, because I was not in the mood for arguing. Actually, I was, and that was why I wanted her to leave me alone, before I could flip.
She pursed her lips, smart enough to get that my tone wasn't a normal one and I meant what I said. "If you're going home I'd go with you. These are your friends not mine."
"Didn't seem that way when you left me to dance with Aaron." I commented.
"I wasn't dancing with Aaron." She said seriously, lying.
"Oh so that wasn't your ass he was pressed up against?" I asked, only describing what I had seen a bunch of minutes before, wondering if she thought I was blind.
She licked her lips, a clear sign that she knew I was right. "I'm sorry, were YOU going to dance with me?" She asked pointedly.
"No." I replied just as quickly, because I didn't dance. Period.
"So then you don't want me, but if any other person gets close to me you're going to bolt."
"That's not why I'm leaving." I argued, even though it was only partially true.
"I should hope not. Especially after you promised to dance with miss Flirty McBitchface right in front of me."
"What?" I snapped at her, my brows pulled together.
"What's her name? Zoe? The one who hasn't even acknowledged my existance but undresses you with her eyes every time she glances your way?"
"Don't be ridiculous." I said, reaching into my pocket to grab a cigarette and my lighter.
"Yeah. I'm the one being ridiculous. Can we call a cab and have this fight somewhere warm please?" She asked, her eyes narrowed at me.
"I'm not calling a cab, if you want one call it yourself." I spat back as I smoked, walking and not intending to stop. I had to vent in some physical way and the thought of sharing a small space with her right now was a bad one.
She followed me, crossing her arms against her chest and keeping her face turned towards me as she stared at my face, while I did all I could to ignore her look. "What do you want to do? Walk home?" She asked as if I was a nutcase.
"No, I'm walking back to my bike, I can't leave it all night out." I spat back, exhaling the smoke out and smoking way faster than usual to ease my nerves. "You don't have to follow me, go back inside, have fun...or call a cab and go home. Or even better, ask some of my friends or my brother to take you home."
"Travis stop it!" She said loudly, almost yelling, as she grabbed me by the arm and gave me a tug. "I don't want to go back, I want to be with you!"
I finally looked at her, no emotion on my face as I realized what was really happening there. I had never been a jealous man, ever, but she was changing me. I didn't like it, it was an unpleasant thought that went on the list of the already way too many flaws of mine. "Then walk." I said and got rid of her hold.
She shook her head, looking as if she was having a hard time to hold herself back. "You can't drive like this, you drank too much."
"By the time I'll get there I'll be perfectly fine." I retorted in monotone, then started walking again, because I wasn't going to change my mind. I had done this before one million times and I was still safe and sound, just like my bike was, and I'd be damned if I let her change how I was. And still, I couldn't get rid of that irritation caused by her not joining me out the bar, her dancing with Aaron, her pushing me away.
She shook her head, "You're being unreasonable Travis."
I stomped on my cigarette, or what was left of it, "That's how I am darling."
"Oh I'm your darling now?"
I stopped and turned towards her. "What?" I snapped.
"Nothing. Do you want to spend the rest of tonight with me or not?"
I blinked at her and sighed. "Do what you want."
"What do YOU want Travis!? I basically had to force my way out to meet your friends, only to find out that your ex girlfriend is a part of them and you've slept with at least one other. Then you're moody all night, hit on other women in front of me, and blame me when your friend dances with me for 2 seconds without my permission at all!"
"I never hit on-" I was ready to said back but she had this fucking awful habit of interrupting me.
"I always save a dance for you darling." She said in a fake low voice that was a laughable approximation of my voice.
"Are you talking about Zoe? I was kidding. I don't dance."
"No of course not, because you have the worlds biggest stick up your ass!"
I went dark, and I stepped closer. "Then you won't be upset when I go home alone."
"My god Travis what do you want from me? Was I a bad girlfriend tonight?" She asked, tears veiling her green eyes.
I stared at her a long moment, noticing the look on her face and feeling bad. I was still mad, I was boiling actually, but I still didn't like being the one who put those veils of tears into her eyes. "You're not a bad girlfriend and I want nothing from you." I said quietly.
She ran her hands thought her hair, looking frustrated. "See Travis that's the point. I'm your girlfriend and you want nothing from me." She retorted and a shiver ran through her tiny body.
I stopped walking and turned around, stopping her as I wrapped my arms around her but she set her hands on my chest and pushed me away. Again. "You're freezing Lila, let me warm you."
"No!" She screamed this time as she pushed harder against my chest, "I want you to talk to me, I want you to tell me what the f.uck is wrong with you tonight!"
"Don't pushed me away Lila, or I swear to god you'll regret it." I said back between my clenched teeth, staring into her eyes and holding her wrists tightly.
She leaned her face closer to me, challenging me with her eyes narrowed on my own. "Let me go." She spat.
"No." I said back, holding her tighter instead.
"You're hurting me Travis."
As soon as I heard that words, I let her go, even though I knew it as a lie. I'd never hurt her. "Fine." I gave up eventually, but shrugged my jacket off my shoulders to give it to her. Then I started walking again, guessing that nothing good would come out from this last part of the night. As the effect of alcohol started to fade, I found myself wanting more to drink, a lot more. For the first time in months, we were being complicated, and I hated that.
"Was this how it was with her too?" Lila asked finally.
I stopped and turned, lost. "What?"
"Karlie. Were you a real couple with her?"
"Lila. Not now." I roared at her, wishing she'd knew better than bringing up my ex in a fight.
"Than when?! You know my romantic history, all I know is you were capable of love at one point and now I'm just good enough to keep around when you're in the right mood. I did NOTHING wrong tonight, and you're walking away from me like I'm the fucking plague!"
"No I'm-" I started but she cut me off.
"I admit, I was bitchy when we first got to the club. I'm not usually a jealous girl and I trust you but Zoe was crossing a line with a man she knows is taken and I needed some space from you for not setting her straight. Especially when I was right there. Who knows what kind of things she says when I'm not."
"Lila. Seriously. Stop talking."
"Or what?" She spat back. "You'll be upset? You'll walk away? You'll be angry? I've already gotten all those things. Are you ever going to tell me about Karlie?"
I narrowed my eyes even further if possible. "No." I said finally and she took a step closer.
She was tall enough in her heels that she could look me in the eye by just tilting her head up. "Why? Give me a good reason Travis or I'll be the one walking away, and it will take a lot to get me to come back."
"It's not any of your business." I said darkly. "It's complicated." I added.
"LIfe is complicated. Travis every fucking relationship is if they weren't they wouldn't be worth fighting for. But god am I the only one fighting? If you think that your life is none of my business than what the hell are we together for?"
I groaned, her words only giving me a massive headache. "Are you hearing yourself? You sound so f.ucking dramatic." I muttered.
She widened her eyes, looking even more furious than before. "Are you serious Travis? Don't treat me like I'm acting like a crazy person, I know I have all the good reasons to be mad here."
"You keep bringing up this ridiculous 'what are we together for' thing when I told you so many times why we're together." I said back as I stared down at her, once again annoyed by her lack of faith in our relationship and for once? I wasn't sure about us either. She was starting to get demanding and I was starting to feel pressured.
"Because you give me all the reasons in this damn world to bring it back!" She spat, crossing her arms tightly against her chest.
"Are you complaining? Do you have a list too?" I asked with more than a hint of sarcasm and bitterness in my voice.
She ran her hands through her hair, looking as exasperated as I felt too. "Why do you keep shutting me off Trav, why? We never spend time together anymore, when we do we're always f.ucking like rabbits which is great, but wouldn't it be more normal to go out too? In any other relationship my boyfriend would have introduced me to his friends months ago! And I'd know a lot more about him and his part relationship too!" She explained and I could tell she was genuinely bugged by all those things.
"I can't tell you about Karlie." I cut her off shortly, my voice lower, and I ignored all the rest. So maybe she was right about the rest, but I wasn't running for boyfriend of the year.
She stared at me with a serious expression on her face. "Why? Don't you trust me?"
"I do Lila but I just can't bring myself to said all the bad s.hit that happened with Karlie. It tore me in shreds!!!" I replied and I realized I was yelling, all the anger coming out of me, mixed with the pain of my memories. I could try to get better in many ways, but I wasn't going to tell her about my past, not yet, not now, and I wasn't going to change my mind.
Lila blinked, looking taken aback because I didn't usally talk to her like that. Hell I didn't want to either, ever. If she slapped me across the face right now, I couldn't blame her, no matter how annoyed I was. "Trav. Do you still love her?" She whispered softly, shaking like a leave touched by a cold wind.
"Lil." I said sternly, her question a stupid one in my opinion, one that didn't matter. I couldn't see her point, really.
"I need to know. It's not fair to either of us if you do. If that's why you can't-" She shook her head and licked her lips. Then it hit me, and I understood. She thought I couldn't be in love with her because I was still in love with Karlie, but it wasn't like that I would have never agreed to be with her while being still into someone else. I'd be with my ex still.
"I still love her." I admitted and noticed how color drained for her face, leaving her pale and as if she'd faint any minute. So I made things clear. "But I'm not in love with her anymore." I added, meaning it and knowing the difference between the two things wery well.
Relief appeared on her gorgeous face and I was ready to catch her, since she still looked like she was about to pass out. Instead she leaned into me, sliding his hands up my chest slowly. "I'm so sorry you were hurt." She whispered, kissing my lips softly, pain showing in her eyes and I knew that she was suffering for me too. That look touched me. A lot.
"Lila..." I was saying her full name again, but this time it was in a different way.
She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Can I go home with you?" She asked softly.
I nodded and slid my arm across her back, holding her firmly against me as my free hand cradled her nape, "Yes." I answered with no doubt, knowing that being close physically would help us. Maybe it wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but I was so tired of fighting already.
She leaned into my touch as she closed her hands into fists and made herself little into my embrace, hiding her face against my neck, a surreal silence surrounding us. I knew she was obsessing in her mind, only I have no strenght to ask her to tell me what was on her mind, to ask her to stop either. "I'm cold Trav." She said eventually, her voice muffled against my shirt.
"I got you baby." I held her closer, shielding her from the breeze of the night while I reached for my phone and called a cab. Once I slid my phone back into the pocket of my jeans I bowed my head, dipped my nose into her hair and inhaled her deeply, wanting her sweet scent staying in my lungs for always. It was the only thing calming me from the unsettling feeling I had in me, that we were slowly yet quickly spiraling into a dark place. "I hate fighing. I hate fighting with you."
She opened her mouth but before words could come out from her lips, a cab stopped and I ushered her inside before closing the door behind me and giving the driver my address. She adjusted against me, never once leaving an inch between us, as if she was clinging to me. "Every couple fights sometimes..." She whispered after a few moments.
I searched for her eyes in the night, them looking outside the window. I sagged against the seat, guessing what she was thinking. More like guessing what she was guessing I was thinking instead. "It's hard for me to get used to be part of a couple again. I'm trying for you, because you're worthy...I wouldn't do it for anyone else." I admitted, knowing it wasn't even close to be enough. All I could give her was my honesty.
Lila gave me a weak smile and we drove in silence until I practically carried her into my place. I knew that my words hadn't convinced her, there was nothing else I could add though.
"I have to tell you something." She said eventually as she looked up into my face.
"Tell me." I pressed, lfeeling both nervous and anxious at the same time.
"I love you." She replied.
"I know." I nodded and kissed her quickly.
She kissed me back but pulled away. "And I'm wildly in love with you too." She added.
I felt as if she hit me in the stomach, those words always surprising me at first and making me appreciate them a little later. I picked her up and carried her into my big bed, holding her close. "I'm sorry about tonight." I whispered after a few moments of silence.
"I'm not." She turned in my arms and cupped my face. "I don't need you to tell me everything right away, or change who you are. And I get that seeing me dancing with another man would be unpleasent. I wouldn't want to see you dancing with any girl ever." She admitted.
"Do I have a jealous girlfriend on my hands?" I asked, raising a brow at her.
She shrugged. "It's never happened to me before. I'm getting used to it."
I processed her words, realizing how not only I was changing her, but she was changing me too. I didn't know if it was a good thing. "Me too."