something in the way you move makes me feel like i can't live without you

something in the way you move makes me feel like i can't live without you by ssaarah

I walked back to my house, I had gone to the gym and then to a movie with Jax on his day off and was in a relatively good mood when I saw Travis standing outside my house. Now I was in an even better mood. I smiled but he turned towards me with a pissed off expression.
"Where the fuck were you?" he asked. Okay not a good mood. I felt my smile fade as I looked back at him. 

"What are you doing here?"
"I've been waiting for you for one hour because you know, I wanted to see my girlfriend who I haven't seen in a week. But not only she wasn't home like she had told me to be, her god damn phone was off or I don't know." he spat back in a tone that was completely innappropriate.
"You didn't tell me you'd come over-"
"Where were you?" he asked again as he stepped towards me. I swallowed, reminding myself that this was just Travis.
"Do I need to tell you where I am always?" I tried, but when he groaned I sighed in resignation. "I was out with Jax."
"Great." he scoffed, "Lately he sees you a lot more than I do."
"What are you jealous now?!" I asked, setting my hands on his hips since it wasn't my fault Travis was always busy when I was free.
"Ha. No." he retorted, shaking his head, "I wanted to see you Lil, is it too hard for you to get?" I sighed and reached out to set my hands on his chest.
"But I'm here now..." I trailed off slowly. Travis grabbed my wrists and took a step back, running his hands through his hair.
"I could be with you one hour ago, now I have to go home and send some emails for work before going out. I'll text you tomorrow if you're not too busy with my brother or whatever." he said in monotone.
"...why didn't you send your e-mails while you were waiting for me?" I asked slowly, totally confused as to his attitude since I had done nothing wrong.
"I was here!!!"
"With your phone I'm guessing. You know that the iphones can send e-mails right?" I teased and he growled at me.
"It's a little more involved than that." He narrowed his eyes, but that was also bullshi.t so I rolled mine. Besides his angry growls had stopped intimidating me a long time ago.
"Okay well have a good night out then." I replied, hiking my shoulder bag higher and turning to walk into my house.
"What does that mean?" I turned back and set my hands on my hips.
"I mean it completely sarcastically. You come here, acting like I did something wrong, when I always get lunch with Jax on Fridays and then you act like you have no time for me because you have your own friends. We're suppossed to be a couple Travis!"
"Is that some kind of bit.chy way to ask to come out with me?" He asked, clearly in such a bad mood he wasn't even able to be nice. Fu.ck that.
"No way." I spat. "And if your friends like to be around you like this? I don't care for them either because they have horrible taste." I turned back and slammed my front door in his face. I had been in such a good mood today too. But the more I thought about how he was acting, the more pissed off I got. And why didn't he ever want me around his friends? I never bothered him about going out, we were very independant people, but fu.ck was he embarrassed of me or something?
"Lil." I turned around and licked my lips, the anger dissipating into sadness instead.
"What's up?" I said, trying to act like he wasn't affecting me.
"You look beautiful today." He said softly, reaching out a hand to cup my cheek. I swallowed.
"Thank you." He leaned in and kissed me once, twice, and a third time until he felt me melt against him, immune to his attitudes but his kisses were my weakness. Who was I kidding? He was my weakness.
"Do you want to come out with me tonight?" He asked, his hands tangled in my hair.
"Do YOU want me to come out with you tonight?" I asked, because I didn't want to be a burden. He nodded his head, pushing my hair back and smiling.
"I asked you, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but I don't want to force you into anything." I paused and pursed my lips before continuing. "You never took me with you when you go out, I never met your friends..."
"It's about time, isn't it?" he asked back as he wrapped his arms around me. "The reason why I never asked you to come is that I never really thought about it."
"Sorry but I'm having a hard time believing that."
"I'm honest." he cut me off using a serious tone, "I'm so used to be alone and do my things on my own...it's just a habit, really." I shrugged as if it was nothing even though it wasn't.
"I don't want to come if you don't really want me there. I'm not saying we have to do everything together, we're two different human being, independent ones, it's just that I'd like to be more into your world." Travis leaned in and kissed me before pulling away again.
"I know what you mean baby and I want you with me, okay? Get changed, I'll go home and send my emails in the meantime then I'll come pick you." I bit down on my lip as I nodded, but didn't say a word. He lifted my chin with his fingers, boring those eyes into mine, "Give me a kiss baby." I finally smiled and kissed him again.
"I'll be waiting for you." I whispered against his lips. He patted my ass before pulling back, smirking, "I'll see you later baby." I headed in, fussing over my hair and makeup and wardrobe before choosing something not too too short and not too too tight, adding some sky high heels and then heading over to Trav's, right when he walked out of the bathroom, a towel hung low around my waist. Holy shit.
"Wow." he commented with a smirk, his eyes roaming over my body before he grabbed my hips and pulled him tightly against his hard wet body. "You're so f.ucking hot." I chuckled and blushed, never immune to his compliments.
"Thank you." I said and licked my lips  as I slid my finger down his hard abdoman. "You are too...too bad you can't go out like this." I whispered and kissed him, slow and long, my tongue sliding against his as I felt my body heat up quickly. "Get dressed before we both change our mind."
"I wouldn't complain." he said as he grabbed a pair of dark jeans and a white shirt, giving me his admittedly delicious backside.
"Did your friends know all your girlfriends?" I asked from behind him.
"All my girlfriends? Lila, there weren't many before you."
"What about your ex?"
"Karlie?" he asked and I nodded, while he shrugged, "She knows them, they were my friends only at the beginning but then you know, we've been together for years so now they're their friends too." I widened my eyes, wondering just who won the friends in the breakup. Or maybe...
"Is she going to be there too tonight?" I asked. He shook his head as he slipped into his shoes.
"Nope." he answered nonchalantly before grabbing my hand and leading me out to his bike.
I walked into the bar and ran my fingers through my hair id spent so long curling. I didn't know why I was nervous but I was.
"Oh come on trav you have a girlfriend now, you can't be grabbing the hottest girl in here." A good looking brunette grinned at me and I felt myself flush at the compliment.
"Dude that's Lila." Jax said from the corner of what was clearly their usual booth with a gorgeous red haired girl on his lap. The guy widened his eyes.
"Oh so she is real!" He grinned and held out his hand to me.
"I'm Aaron. You're young" he pointed out. I laughed because it seemed to be the common perception of me.
"Lila. Does that make you an old man like Travis?" Aaron threw his head back and laughed.
"I'm even older so I guess it does." He grinned. "I like you." I grinned at trav who looked around the bar impatiently.
"I need a beer."
"Me too please." I smiled and he looked at me before walking to the bar and grabbing a few dark pony necked bottles.
"Lila this is Greg, Amanda, Rochelle, Ty, and Matt." Jax said pointing to everyone in the circle.
"And I'm Larissa" the girl on his lap grinned at me.
"I love your dress." I offered, envying the deep green lace that was classier than I expected for jax actually. It made me want to go back to my red hair too.
"Thanks!"
"It's my dress b.tch!" Rochelle, a tan tall woman with a jet black bob rolled her eyes and I laughed.
"Sorry. I hate when my friends get more compliments in my clothes than I do." I admitted, since it had happened with Colbie more than once.
"Same" Rochelle grinned as Travis shot me a beer and scooted in next to me.
"Tell us about yourself." Matt asked. "All we know is you're hot and used to work with trav. Which is breaking his rules by the way." He pointed out.
"It was worthy." he commented nonchalantly before bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a swig.
"When we first met we didn't even know we worked together though." he explained as I shoot him a look, scooting closer to him and smiling.
"Let me guess, it was in some hole of a bar."
"You know me." he said to his friend, grinning back at him before taking another swig of his beer.
"You have a reputation, don't you?" I told him, raising an eyebrow and wondering if he really didn't remember we had met at a rugby game or he was just acting otherwise.  He just shrugged.
"In his defense, he stopped hitting on everything with legs since you happened." Matt added, his eyes on me, searching as if wondering what it was I had that Travis liked so much.
"Thank you, you know how to help my case." he said to him in a joking tone,  even though I knew he didn't give two fucks what other people thought about him.
"I'm impressed Lila, you must be really something if you've been able to cage the Cole animal number two." Amanda cut into the conversation, throwing a smirk my way.
"The number one can't be tamed." Jax said with a smug grin on his face and I shot him a look.
"If only Lil had a sister for you...wait she does, but she rejected him." Jax grinned at his brother, getting a glare both of us.
"More for me." The girl on his lap said with a smile just as a tall brunette appeared out of nowhere, running up to our table.
"Sorry guys I'm late." She breathed out, flipping her hair back as she squeezed herself between Matt and Greg but she was looking at Travis. "I had to drive Karlie back home because she wasn't feeling well...she told me she called you but you didn't answer." She said slowly. It took me a second to process her words and when I had? I wasn't sure what to do with them. It was just a sentence but it sure did say a lot. Travis shrugged as if it was no big deal that his ex called him.
"I probably didn't hear my phone. But you were with her, so..." he trailed off. I licked my lips and tried to sink into the seat. Clearly Karlie was a constant in their group. I didn't know what that meant. Did Travis see her a lot? Did they all wish they were back together which would make me an immediate outsider?
"Can I talk to you?" The girl asked, hardly even noticing me. He shrugged and stepped out of the booth.
"Want another?" He asked, shooting me a smile. I nodded.
"Thanks." He walked to the bar with the girl and I tried to turn back to whatever the conversation was.
"You're not what I pictured." Matt admitted, drawing everyone elses opinions. I shrugged.
"Sorry?" I said softly, not knowing if that was a compliment or a diss.
"He means you're not Travis' type." Amanda cut in a smirk on her lips. I shrugged. I knew that already.
"I told you that already." Jax said, pulling himself away from the redheads neck.
"Yeah but we didn't expect the complete oppposite of every girl he's gone after.
"Is that a bad thing or a good thing?" I asked, feeling a little awkward.
"It's a great thing." Rochelle said. "You're adorable. I'd just expect you to show up with Matty here, not Trav." She shrugged and I flushed as Matt grinned.
"She has a point." He nodded.
"Travis isn't really my type either." I shrugged. "You don't really choose who you fall for though do you?" Everyone kind of stopped what they were doing. Aaron put down his phone, Jax and Larissa pulled away from each other and Matt and Rochelle just froze.
"Fu.ck you're in love with him." Aaron said seriously.
"That's no secret." I shrugged, looking over at the new girl and Travis. He was laughing and she was setting her hands on his chest. Wierd.
"How do they do it?" I asked.
"Do what?" Amanda asked.
"Stay friends after being together?" They shook their heads.
"No Zoe and Travis were never a couple. You're thinking about Karlie." I shook my head.
"Well her too. But they clearly have a carnal knowledge of each other." Matt laughed.
"A carnal knowledge of each other? Damn brains and beauty. You're right, they hooked up a few times but nothing more."
"She went to Yale." Jax grinned at me and I rolled my eyes.
"It was an Art degree." I played it off but they were all looking at me even more impressed.
"So you're an artist?" Aaron grinned while Travis walked back with Zoe, talking into her hair. What the hell?
"I told you that already." he added.
"You said that she was a work of art. That's different." I laughed.
"That's so cheesy!" I shook my head.
"It was a compliment instead." he slid a beer towards me and swished his drink in his hands.
"Switched to harder liquor I see?" I asked.
"Yes." he said simply as he took his seat next to mine.
"Want some?"
"No thank you, someone has to drive tonight." Matt chuckled.
"So young and so wise already, where did you find her Trav?" He asked in a teasing tone.
"Good luck." he shrugged nonchalantly as he took a big gulp of his drink.
"No, we got lucky that we don't have to drive him back home instead." Ty added.
"Shut up, it's not like I'm the only one drinking here." he grinned at his friend as he dropped his hand against my thigh. Ty turned towards me and gave me a fake sympathetic look.
"He's awful when he's drunk."
"Damn he is." Aaron agreed, looking amused. I chuckled, enjoying the teasing banter that only close friends could get away with.
"I saw him drunk more than once...he's hard to handle." He turned his head and buried his nose into my hair.
"You never complained about how hard I get." he whispered against my skin as I felt my face flush.
"Oh god." Jax muttered under his breath, knowing us maybe a little too well.
"Where's Ethan?" Travis asked, pulling away and taking the attention off me for a moment.
Ty sighed, "Guess. That man has no balls anymore." He commented bitterly.
"Since he got together with this girl?" Rochelle explained to me, trying to make her feel part of the group which I really appreciated. "He doesn't go out with us anymore. We don't know her but I'm sure she's a bitch. Thank god you're not that kind of girl, we'd miss Trav too much."
"Sure you would." Trav said smugly and winked at her, making her roll her eyes.
"You should join us more now that we know you and like you." Amanda added with a smile. She was super nice which was lucky since she was also gorgeous and I might hate her if I didn't like her so much.
"I'd like that, but it's up to Trav...I don't want to tag along all the time." I shrugged. As Travis downed his drink.
"Jax, go get me another one." he said to his brother, noticing that his glass was just as empty.
"Ask Matt, last time he was the only one who didn't pay for anything."  Jax pointed out, too busy touching the redheads ass to get up.
"Take a bottle, vodka is good for me too." Matt grinned.
"Your ass is too heavy now and you can't get up?" Travis teased his friend.
"I'm going." Zoe offered, getting up and fixing her super short skirt in the process, "What do you want guys?"
"Take a bottle of vodka, if I'm in a good mood I'll share." he told her as he handed her a bill with a smirk on his face,
"You're an angel."
"An angel? Ha." She winked at Trav and I felt like grumbling. I didn't feel jealous, more like I just got a bad vibe off of her. If she was friends with Karlie but still slept with Travis she clearly didn't have much loyalty and she could at least acknowledge that I was here...and here was my boyfriend, watching her strut her ass towards the bar. Meh.
"It's already past 11, why don't you two have girls yet?" Trav asked, nodding his head towards Matt and Aaron.
"We're still interested in yours." Aaron grinned wickedly at me, winking which made me roll my eyes. "Platonically of course." He added, sending Trav an innocent look that didn't match him at all.
"There arent any good ones here tonight anyways." Matt sighed looking around the bar lazily, almost looking bored.
"Thanks asshole." Amanda rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't including anyone at this table gorgeous, but I'm not asking you out again, I'll just get turned down."
"Damn right." Amanda agreed. "I wouldn't date any one of you." She grinned and I laughed as Aaron wrapped his arm around her and tugged her close to him.
"You don't know what you're missing baby."
"I already have a man thank you very much." she pressed her palm into his face and backed him off.
"Since when?" Jax asked, looking interested in the conversation for the first time tonight.
"She means she had one date with him." Rochelle added which got the two girls into a silly fight that reminded me of me with my own girlfriends.
"This is what you do when you go out at night?" I whispered to Trav laughing a little because it was precious and so normal for him to have these friends. I liked it.
"Told you it was boring."
"I'm not bored at all." I grinned. He just shrugged and downed another drink. I wondered what was up his as.s but I didn't ask because honestly? I didn't really want to know.
"Good." he smiled and set his glass down to run his hand across my cheek in a move that was both so him and so unlike him it made my stomach flutter as his other arm wrapped around my shoulders. "Then again, you're never bored with me." he added as his smile turned into a grin.
"That says a lot, I get bored real easy." I laughed, leaning in to him as he rolled his eyes and then pressed a swift kiss against my lips.
"Because your brain always works too much." he teased.
"Are you coming too Trav?" Matt's voice brought us back to reality. We both looked up, having no idea what was being said around us.
"Uh?" He asked and Jax grinned wide.
"Earth to Travis, we were talking about the new club that opened two weeks ago." He explained though his trademark smirk was still plastered on his face.
"I'm in." Zoe answered as she walked back to the table, bringing a bottle of vodka and a few clean glasses. She bit down on her lip and glanced at the new drink in her hand before mouthing Travis a thank you which he answered to with a wink....huh.  Rochelle made a bored face as she reached for the bottle,
"I don't know, we went at the inauguration and it was nothing special." She commented and Travis grabbed the vodka back from her, getting a glare. "What a gentleman!"
"This is not for little girls, leave it to us men." he smirked at her and pulled away from me as he poured the liquor into the glasses, his twice as full as the rest. "And no, I don't think I'm coming." he added.
"Are you leaving Lila to us?" Aaron grinned as his eyes moved to me and he winked. "Even better."
"You wish idiot." he muttered before downing his vodka.
"I don't mind going." I smiled and Travis blinked at me before shaking his head.
"I don't think so."
"We've only been out for an hour Trav." I commented, wanting to know what a real night out for him included. So far I was impressed, besides the one bit.chy/flirty girl I enjoyed his group. "Besides I know the bouncer there and we could go VIP."
"Hell yeah." Amanda grinned.
"You young girls are always in with the help." Zoe smirked at me and I just shot her a half smile. Who says that? I didn't point out that sure I knew the bouncer but only because the owner of the club had introduced us. He was Parker's business parter and owned several clubs in California.
"Do you want to go?" Trav asked, looking warily at me. I was kind of confused. Since when did I not want to go out and have a fun time? Sure Trav and I didn't go out together much but that's more because of him than me.
"What do you want to do instead?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.
"You probably." Jax interuppted, wiggling his brows at me and getting a high five from Matt who made me roll mine.
"He has a point." Travis finally grinned at me but it wasn't even his usual grin. It was more of an achohol induced leer.
"It's up to you Trav, if you want to leave we can leave."
"No! I want to go VIP!" Amanda pouted, a little tipsy already herself. "Send the party pooper home himself and go out with us." She grinned and I laughed, because she reminded me a lot of Colbie when she was drunk.
"I've kind of got a thing for the party pooper." I shrugged as if it was a burden and Rochelle and Amanda groaned.
"You damn Cole men and your hold on women. Come on Trav!" Aaron slapped Travis on the back.
"We're not leaving now, right? Don't pressure me." I muttered. Jax glanced at me, his face grinning as he wiggled his brows.
"You still have time to convince him." he said as the rest of the guys laughed and I rolled my eyes. Travis was less amused, pulling out a cigarette and standing up.
"You're wasting your time." he said to his brother before walking outside and I didn't miss the girl who followed him. I stood up too but Jax grabbed my wrist.
"Don't bother, you know how he gets." I sighed, knowing that yes, I did but I also knew that I was a person who could cheer him up.
"So we should go now!" Jax's girl exclaimed before leaning in to kiss him.
"I'm in." he said against her lips, causing the rest of the girls to roll their eyes.
"If we can get Travis to go." Aaron laughed.
"He'll come if we all do." Matt said, seeming to be the closest to him in the group. I followed the guys outside where Travis and Zoe were smoking. Great.
"You coming Trav?" Jax asked him. He didn't even look at me.
"Sure." he shrugged and put out his cigarette, finally turning his eyes to me. I slid towards him, trying to block out the rest of the group for a moment and connect on that level that was unique to Travis and I. I slid my hands up his chest slowly and into the hair at the nape of his neck.
"Do you want to go home instead?" I asked, leaving the decision up to him. I wish I knew what he was feeling. I'd started to be able to read him pretty weel but there were sometimes where I was lost as to what was going on inside his head. Did he want more of me? Less of me? Was I being too close or too far? I needed to know but I was scared to ask.
"You promised my friends something." Travis said, his eyes narrowed. I just shrugged.
"I can still get them in with a phone call if you want to go home."
"But you don't want to go home." He replied in a smooth voice. I shrugged.
"You are my priority." I said honestly, since at the end of the day I didn't care where we were, just that I was with him.
"We'll go." He said finally and I nodded, still not convinced. He made his way towards his bike before I grabbed his arm.
"You've drank too much for that." I said seriously. He turned to growl at me but I folded my arms over my chest my look telling him that if he insisted on driving that was a deal breaker.
"Then how the fu.ck do you want to get there Lil?"
"Lil can drive my car." Jax shouted. "She's the only one sober enough anyways.
"You can't fit that many people in your car." Travis growled back. "And don't call her Lil." he said under his breath, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Don't be silly I already called us some cabs." Amanda said, waving everyone off and as she said it, two yellow taxi's pulled up. Travis growled something again and I took his hand in mine squeezing it. We stuffed ourselves into the back seat and I didn't think it was in my head when Zoe got right next to Travis on the other side and squeezed her as.s even closer than it needed to be. She was practically sitting right on top of him. Hello? Did she not even see me?
"Are you going to save me a dance?" She asked Trav, winking at him like that was some kind of inside joke.
"I always do darling." Okay. Seriously? His tone sounded far too familiar for my liking and what the fu.ck was with the pet names?! I went cold next to him, waiting to get to the club so I could barrel out and talk to Mick, the bouncer. Of course we got in right away, ushered to a private booth and told our drinks were on the house. I'd been here once before but it was a different scene now that it was so popular and it was positively vibrating with activity. I should have been thrilled to be here, out with Travis. But instead I was pissy. Not so much from anything he did, but more what he wasn't doing.
"I'm going to the restroom." I said when he tried to pull me closer like I didn't just hear him promise to dance with another woman. I don't think he'd ever even danced with me. Ever
He didn't let go of the grip he had on me and I could tell he was a little drunk already.
"Not so fast baby." he smirked at me but I was still pissy from before and pulled back.
"I really have to go." I made my way to the bathroom, past all the drunk twenty somethings.
"Hey!" Amanda came up behind me and smiled. "Are you okay?" I nodded.
"Yeah of course." I shot her a smile and she grimaced.
"I know Trav can be difficult...but I haven't seen him like this in a long time." I blinked.
"Like this?" She nodded.
"Yeah. Happy." I sighed and gave her a smile.
"I love him." I said seriously. Amanda laughed.
"For some reason he's too easy to love. Come on let's dance and give the guys a show." She winked. I hesitated, wanting to go back to my man and tell him I was sorry for pulling away. After all he didn't really flirt back. Except for the darling comment. "The men can wait!" she said, reading my mind as she dragged me out to the dance floor. The other girls were already there and I let myself get lost in the too loud beat. It had been a long time since I went dancing. I laughed and twirled with the girls before realizing a few of the guys had come out. Jax was holding tightly to his flavor of the night, winking at me before spanking her ass as I rolled my eyes at him.
"You're a good dancer." Aaron said, leaning into me quickly. I pulled away to turn around and talk to him but before I could I felt a familiar hand grab my hip.
"I'm going home. Have fun." Travis said in monotone, not letting me respond before walking away quickly, a scowl on his face. I apologized to the group before making my way through the crowd to get to Travis.
"Hey!" I shouted once I saw him outside. He turned towards me, looking surprised I had followed him. "If you didn't want to come that would have been fine with me." I said seriously.
"Go back inside Lila." I pursed my lips. Travis rarely called me by my full name, especially when we were alone and when he did it usually wanst good.
"If you're going home I'd go with you. These are your friends not mine." Not that I didn't think they could become my friends, but my priority was to my boyfriend.
"Didn't seem that way when you left me to dance with Adam." He commented.
"I wasn't dancing with Adam." I said seriously.
"Oh so that wasn't your as.s he was pressed up against?" I licked my lips because honestly? Maybe he had thought we were dancing for a minute. It was a club, my as.s pressed against a lot of people.
"I'm sorry, were YOU going to dance with me?" I asked pointedly.
"No." he replied just as quickly.
"So then you don't want me, but if any other person gets close to me you're going to bolt."
"That's not why I'm leaving."
"I should hope not. Especially after you promised to dance with miss Flirty McBi.tchface right in front of me."
"What?" Travis snapped at me, his brows pulled together.
"What's her name? Zoe? The one who hasn't even acknowledged my existance but undresses you with her eyes every time she glances your way?"
"Don't be ridiculous." Travis said, reaching into his pocket to grab a cigarette and his lighter.
"Yeah. I'm the one being ridiculous. Can we call a cab and have this fight somewhere warm please?" I asked, my eyes narrowed at him.
"I'm not calling a cab, if you want one call it yourself." he spat back as he smoked and he knew he was going to try and walk off his anger. I follwed her, standing in front of him and crossing my arms as I glared.
"What do you want to do? Walk home?" I asked, knowing it would take him all night.
"No, I'm walking back to my bike, I can't leave it all night out. You don't have to follow me, go back inside, have fun...or call a cab and go home. Or even better, ask some of my friends or my brother to take you home."
"Travis stop it!" I yelled, grabbing his arm and tugging it towards me. "I don't want to go back, I want to be with you!" He finally looked at me but when he did his face was blank, no emotion.
"Then walk." he said and got rid of my hold. I shook my head, so close to smacking his face.
"You can't drive like this, you drank too much."
"By the time I'll get there I'll be perfectly fine." he retorted in monotone, then started walking again, like the stubborn man he was.
"You're being unreasonable Travis."
"That's how I am darling."
"Oh I'm your darling now?" Travis stopped and turned towards me.
"What?" He snapped.
"Nothing. Do you want to spend the rest of tonight with me or not?" He blinked at me and sighed.
"Do what you want." I hadn't felt so close to throwing an actual fit since I was in high school.
"What do YOU want Travis!? I basically had to force my way out to meet your friends, only to find out that your ex girlfriend is a part of them and you've slept with at least one other. Then you're moody all night, hit on other women in front of me, and blame me when your friend dances with me for 2 seconds without my permission at all!"
"I never hit on-"
"I always save a dance for you darling." I said in a fake low voice that was a laughable approximation of his voice.
"Are you talking about Zoe? I was kidding. I don't dance."
"No of course not, because you have the worlds biggest stick up your as.s!" Travis' eyes went dark, and he stepped closer.
"Then you won't be upset when I go home alone."
"My god Travis what do you want from me? Was I a bad girlfriend tonight?" I asked, feeling tears fill my eyes. I thought we had been having a great time. I loved his friends. Most of them. I even didn't really care that he never told me he regularly saw his ex because I trusted him.
"You're not a bad girlfriend and I want nothing from you." he said quietly.
"See Travis that's the point. I'm your girlfriend and you want nothing from me." I retorted, hating the feeling that I couldn't fix this. Travis stopped walking and turned around, wrapping my arms around me but I set my hands on his chest and pushed back. I coulnd't think when he touched me like that.
"You're freezing Lila, let me warm you."
"No!" I screamed this time as I pushed harder against his chest, "I want you to talk to me, I want you to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you tonight!"
"Don't pushed me away Lila, or I swear to god you'll regret it." he said back between his clenched teeth, staring into my eyes and holding my wrists tightly. I leaned my face closer to his, narrowing my eyes, challenging him.
"Let me go." I spat.
"No." he said back, holding my tighter instead.
"You're hurting me Travis." He let me go and I pulled back fast.
"Fine." he gave up to my surprise, though I knew it was because he never wanted to hurt me. He shrugged off his jacket and handed me his jacket before walking away.
"Was this how it was with her too?" I asked finally. Travis stopped and turned.
"What?"
"Karlie. Were you a real couple with her?"
"Lila. Not now.
"Than when?! You know my romantic history, all I know is you were capable of love at one point and now I'm just good enough to keep around when you're in the right mood. I did NOTHING wrong tonight, and you're walking away from me like I'm the fu.cking plague!"
"No I'm"
"I admit, I was bitchy when we first got to the club. I'm not usually a jealous girl and I trust you but Zoe was crossing a line with a man she knows is taken and I needed some space from you for not setting her straight. Especially when I was right there. Who knows what kind of things she says when I'm not."
"Lila. Seriously. Stop talking."
"Or what?" I spat back. "You'll be upset? You'll walk away? You'll be angry? I've already gotten all those things. Are you ever going to tell me about Karlie?" Travis narrowed his eyes even further if possible.
"No." he said finally and I took a step closer. I was tall enough in my heels that I could look him in the eye by just tilting my head up.
"Why? Give me a good reason Travis or I'll be the one walking away, and it will take a lot to get me to come back."
"It's not any of your business." He said darkly. "It's complicated." He added.
"LIfe is complicated. Travis every fu.cking relationship is if they weren't they wouldn't be worth fighting for. But god am I the only one fighting? If you think that your life is none of my business than what the hell are we together for?" Travis groaned and palmed his head with his hand.
"Are you hearing yourself? You sound so f.ucking dramatic." he muttered. Bad choice of words.
"Are you serious Travis? Don't treat me like I'm acting like a crazy person, I know I have all the good reasons to be mad here."
"You keep bringing up this ridiculous 'what are we together for' thing when I told you so many times why we're together." he said back as he stared down at me, clearly pissed off that I was doubting us yet again. But I couldn't be the only one at this point.
"Because you give me all the reasons in this damn world to bring it back!" I spat, crossing my arms tightly against my chest.
"Are you complaining? Do you have a list too?" he spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm as I ran my hands through my hair, so sick of this.
"Why do you keep shutting me off Trav, why? We never spend time together anymore, when we do we're always fucking like rabbits which is great, but wouldn't it be more normal to go out too? In any other relationship my boyfriend would have introduced me to his friends months ago! And I'd know a lot more about him and his past relationship too!"
"I can't tell you about Karlie." he cut me off shortly, his voice lower, but at least he didn't deny the rest of it.
"Why? Don't you trust me?"
"I do Lila but I just can't bring myself to said all the bad shit that happened with Karlie. It tore me in shreds!!!" he yelled, louder than I'd ever heard him, his face showing the pain and regret I could feel from his words. I blinked, completely torn on how to react. On the one hand I hated him yelling at me when I didn't do anything wrong and I hated that he didn't trust me enough to tell me about his past. But on the other? I'd never seen him show that much vulnerablitiy to me. And that took a lot of trust for him too.
"Trav. Do you still love her?" I whispered softly, so afraid of the answer I felt like I was shaking.
"Lil."
"I need to know. It's not fair to either of us if you do. If that's why you can't-" I shook my head and licked my lips.
"I still love her." He admitted and my heart fell. I felt dizzy and nauseated but I realized he was still talking. "But I'm not in love with her anymore." His words sounded cliche, a way to get out of what he had just said. But I could hear the truth in every one and relief hit me so hard I almost crumpled to the floor. Instead I leaned into Travis, sliding my hands up his chest slowly.
"I'm so sorry you were hurt." I whispered, kissing his lips softly, hurting for him because I had seen the pain in his eyes and hated it.
"Lila..." he was saying my full name again, but this time it was in a different way and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Can I go home with you?" I asked softly. He slid his arm across my back and pulled me firmly against him while his free hand cradled the back of my head.
"Yes." I leaned into him and felt my hands close up into fists against the fabric of his shirt, nuzzling into his neck and wondering how the hell we got here. How I got here. I was never looking for a man, much less Travis. But I felt so consumed by us now that I didn't know what to do. "I'm cold Trav." I said eventually.
"I got you baby." he held me closer and I heard him call for a cab before holding me closer. "I hate fighing. I hate fighting with you." I started to reply but before I could a cab stopped and he pulled me inside before closing the door and giving the cabby his address. I scooted closer to him and swallowed before I spoke.
"Every couple fights sometimes..." I whispered after a few moments, looking out the window idly.
"It's hard for me to get used to be part of a couple again. I'm trying for you, because you're worthy...I wouldn't do it for anyone else." I gave him a weak smile and we drove in silence until he practically carried me into his place.
"I have to tell you something." I said as I looked up into his face. He was so gorgeous it was distracting.
"Tell me." he pressed, looking both nervous and anxious at the same time.
"I love you." I replied.
"I know." Travis nodded and kissed me quickly. I kissed him back but pulled away.
"And I'm wildly in love with you too." I added, wanting him to understand the difference. His eyes went wide, then soft and he was literally picking me up and carrying me into his big bed, holding me close.
"I'm sorry about tonight." He whispered after a few moments of silence.
"I'm not." I turned in his arms and cupped his face. "I don't need you to tell me everything right away, or change who you are. And I get that seeing me dancing with another man would be unpleasent. I wouldn't want to see you dancing with any girl ever." I admitted.
"Do I have a jealous girlfriend on my hands?" He asked, raising a brow at me. I shrugged.
"It's never happened to me before. I'm getting used to it."
"Me too."