We'll never feel bad anymore.

I pushed my sleeves up and transferred the last plate of food from the kitchen counter to the dining table. There was so much food, one might think it was Christmas again. But that's what I did - I cooked when I was stressed or nervous, and lately, I'd been a mix of nerves while wondering the right words to tell Gabe. We'd been putting it off for so long though and with time, it only made it worse and worse. 

"Maman!!" Gabe's voice broke the silence and he skidded into the room, widening his eyes when he saw all the plates holding his favorite dishes and sides. Like I said, I really over did it. "Is it my birthday?" He asked, pulling his wide eyes from the food to look at me. 

"Don't you know your own birthday, silly man?" Ben asked, walking in behind our son and setting his hands on his tiny shoulders. His eyes flicked from the top of Gabe's head to the food, and then over to mine where he lifted an eyebrow at me. "What's the special occasion?"

"I just wanted to make dinner for my favorite boys," I replied and smiled, untying the apron I was wearing and setting it on the counter. "Would you like some wine?"

Gabe scrunched his nose and then grinned at me, "Yes please!"

"Not you," I laughed and grabbed a bottle of red wine from off the counter, carrying it over to the table and sitting down. 

He sulked over to the table and sat down across from me, leaving the head of the table for his father. "I want wine instead of water," He mumbled under his breath, currently going through the stage where he wanted to drink anything but water. 

I sighed and shook my head before smiling at Ben and watching him sit down, "Water or wine?"

"Wine," He responded and Gabe made another grumble.

"No fair," He said, reaching for his glass of water and taking a sip. 

"Water is good for you," Ben told him while I leaned over and poured the red liquid into his glass. 

"But it tastes like nothing!" Gabe retorted, setting a fist on the table. He wasn't in a rebellious stage exactly, but he wanted to eat sweets all the time and if he knew something was healthy? He didn't want it. 

"It tastes like water," Ben said back with a smirk on his face. 

He glanced at me while I slightly raised an eyebrow, then looked at his dad's glass. "If it's so good then why are you drinking wine?" He asked stubbornly, always ready to prove his point. He got that from me, without a doubt. 

Ben sighed as he grabbed his glass and pushed it towards him, "Taste it with your pinky."

I gave him a look, but when our son glanced at me for my approval I just shrugged, "You heard your papa stubborn baby."

Gabe did as told, dipping his finger into the red wine before taking it to his mouth. The look on his face when he licked it was priceless. "Ew," He scrunched up his nose and shut his eyes, "It tastes bad." He said before grabbing his own glass and downing all the water in it.

I laughed at his adorable little pouty face, wanting him to stay this tiny forever. "Do you believe us now?" I asked as I smirked widely, reaching for the food and serving it.

He nodded, his eyes on the tartiflette I was giving him. "I want a lot maman!" He exclaimed and grabbed his fork, looking famished and as if he had forgotten the whole wine thing already.

"I want a lot too maman," Ben smirked at me, looking at me with one of those expressions that made me feel like my heart might pound right out of my chest. Words couldn't even describe how much I loved him, how ready I was to take the next step and start a future with him... with our family. 

I kept staring at him and bite into my lip when I felt myself blushing, tearing my gaze from his and trying to focus on the food once more. Sometimes it made me wonder if Gabe already knew; he was a smart boy and the way Ben and I were acting like teens in love again? He had to see that. "How was everyone's day?" I asked, breaking out of my Ben daze and looking back and forth between my boys, feeling complete. I couldn't remember the last time I was so happy. 

"Isabel kissed me," Gabe blurted out and when we both looked at him, his face was bunched up. "I hated it," He added before digging into his food. 

"Is Isabel your girlfriend?" Ben asked with a grin, Gabe rolling his eyes and acting too cool for this conversation.

"No!!" He shook his head finally. "She's a girl and I hate her." 

I laughed, a little relieved that he still felt that way about girls since sometimes I was afraid he hung out around adults too much and might pick up on our habits. "I'm a girl," I told him seriously. 

His eyes flicked up to meet mine and he scrunched his nose again, "You're a maman instead."

I laughed again and watched Ben run a hand through Gabe's hair, messing it up so it looked similar to his own. "There's no rush little guy. You don't have to like girls yet," He told our son and then reached for a forkful of food, chewing in silence.

Gabe considered this for a moment and then looked up at his dad, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

 

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, a million thoughts in my head since that was the last question I had expected Gabe to ask. "I do," He said eventually and smiled.

Gabe looked half surprised and half disgusted, his eyes wide and his mouth too. "Really?" He blinked at his dad, then looked at me as if waiting for me to confirm it, "Maman did you know?"

I felt Ben's eyes on me while I blushed furiously, wondering what to say. "Yes I did," I answered then glanced at Gabe's plate, "Eat before it gets cold."

He did as told, silence falling in the room as Ben and I stared at each other and in that moment I really wished we could read each other's mind. "Maman, do you havea boyfriend?" He asked after swallowing a bite of food.I watched the expression change on Ben's handsome face while he took a long sip of wine and waited for my answer. I just nodded, knowing I should say something, use this moment to tell our boy what was going on. I felt speechless instead. "Do you know him?" He continued, asking his dad.

"I'm her boyfriend," Ben answered simply, looking straight into his eyes and ready for his reaction no matter what it'd be. He reached for my hand, my heart starting to pound in my chest since I was nervous he might flip out or protest. "And she's my girlfriend."

His little eyes studied us while his expression remained blank, as if he wasn't quite sure what his dad was telling him. Eventually, he nodded his head and picked up his fork again. "Okay," He said quietly.

I looked at Ben and lifted an eyebrow, wondering if that was it, if that was the reaction we had both been dreading. Of course we had hoped it'd go over well, but this? That just seemed too easy. 

"Okay?" I repeated his word, wanting him to open up to us. 

Ben gave my hand a squeeze and we both kept looking at Gabe, "Are you okay with that?"

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, the look on his face replaced with a more confused one. "You're my maman and you're my papa, you should be married instead like all of my other friends mamans and papas," He said more seriously this time. "Are you going to get married?"

I cracked a smile, "Eventually. Would you like that?"

"Does it mean we'll all live together in one house?" He asked instead, our words finally sinking in. 

Ben let his eyes bounce between the two of us, knowing that Gabe needed an answer, "We will soon. Actually, maman and I are already looking for one."

He furrowed his eyebrows once again, "But you aren't married yet." 

"You don't need to be married to live together," He explained quietly, keeping his eyes on him while Gabe remained quiet. He let go of my hand in favor of using it to ruffle our cuties hair, "What are you thinking about little man? Do you like the idea?"

He shrugged nonchalantly once again, looking unphased by everything. "I do but can I keep my old bed?" He asked, staring eating again while I wondered which one he was talking about. 

"You can keep everything you want baby," I said softly, both of us too focused on our son to eat instead.

"How do you want your room to be?" Ben asked and then gave me a glance.

Gabe scrunched his nose and kept chewing while I finally let myself relax, taking a bite of salad. "I want to paint on the wall," He said after swallowing, referring to the mural we had done together in his room at my place. "But I want my posters too," He added with a lost expression finding his face. Basically he wanted to take everything from both rooms and put them in one... which would be a complete mess. 

I nodded my head and smiled with my mouth closed, still chewing and thankful for that since I was at a loss for words. What were we supposed to do with two lofts full of stuff? We'd need a house probably, complete with a playroom for all of Gabe's toys. My eyes flicked to Ben's plate as he stabbed his fork into a potato, his own eyes still glued to our son. I wanted to know where his thoughts were, if he was thinking about a bigger place to raise Gabe... if he wanted to ever have more kids. 

"Can I be excused?" Gabe's silverware clattered on his plate and he moved his napkin from his lap to the table. 

"Yes," I replied and glanced at his empty plate, surprised he didn't ask for dessert. "You have an hour before bedtime."

"Ugh," He groaned and climbed out of his seat, taking his plate to the sink before running into the living room to make every last minute count. 

"What are you thinking?" Ben broke into my thoughts and I looked at him and smiled, wondering what my expression was saying.

"That went surprisingly well," I said seriously. "Do you think we should look for a bigger place though?"

He opened his mouth then closed it, staring at me instead. "I don't think it went that well," He said eventually, letting out the breath he had been holding and eating lazily.

"Why?"

He looked back at me, "Because he didn't really seem himself. You know him...and this reaction was so weird." 

I set my hand on his forearm, offering a smile this time since I saw where he was coming from. If Gabe was upset though? He would have let us know. "He probably needs time to process it...we'll see how it goes."

"Right," He agreed with a nod, looking relieved and worried at the same time. "But I don't think we should look for a bigger place," He added as a second thought.

"Why?" I asked curiously. 

He shrugged, eating again while silence fell over us. "I don't want him to be too spoiled, and we're good as we are now in our lofts...we don't really need that much more space. And the bigger it is the harder is to clean and keep it tidy."

"That's a good point," I shot him a vaguely amused look, curious about our future though... and the possibility of more kids down the line. Not now of course... but someday. "But what about...the future. I mean, we might need more space since Gabe is growing up."

He watched me closely, as if he knew exactly what I meant. "I'm not saying we should get a place as big as my loft of yours. Of course I want a bigger apartment, with at least three bathrooms and maybe a spare bedroom too..." He trailed off slowly.

I raised an eyebrow, wanting to make light of the moment since I wasn't sure I was ready to have that conversation. I'd only just gotten Ben back and I didn't want to scare him away... plus I didn't know when exactly I wanted to have more kids. "For all of my clothes?" I asked with a grin. 

"No," He shook his head and answered simply.

I ran my tongue over my lips and reached for my wine glass, "A spare bedroom could always come in handy." 

"I agree," He replied, both of us dancing around the subject at hand.

I nodded my head and smiled at him, thinking about the way Gabe had reacted and how it was out of character. "Do you think he already knew?" I asked, genuinely curious. "The sleepovers... We're always together..." I trailed off, realizing how obvious we had been ever since we started seeing each other again. Were we better at hiding it at work or did everyone already know that we were back together? It made me wonder if Chloe and my sister knew... of course they'd probably say something to me. Knowing Chloe, she'd be doing her ridiculous 'I told you so' dance since everyone knew how she loved being right. 

"I don't know, but I think he knew something was going on," He answered with a shrug because we didn't know for sure and neither of us were going to ask him. 

I licked my lips, setting an elbow on the table as I stared at Ben, "What about the others? Our friends and family?" 

"I think they're clueless," He replied since we hadn't been acting any different around them. 

I nodded slowly, "But we're going to tell them, right?"

"Of course." He answered with a smile and reached for my hand, squeezing it in his, "One step at time baby."

"So wise," I grinned before leaning closer to kiss him chastely.

"Maman?" Gabe's voice broke into the kitchen.

We broke the kiss, the look on our little man's face a weird one. A mixture of disgust and confusion. "You didn't give me my dessert," He said with a pout, marching over to me and climbing on my lap.

"How can you know there's dessert too?" Ben asked with a smirk on his handsome face.

He shot his dad a serious look, even narrowing his eyes a little, "I want it."

Ben raised one eyebrow slowly while I did the same, surprised by his behavior and also worried. He parted his lips, but I cut him off before he could even start, "What happened to your manners Gabe?" I asked softly, pushing his hair off his forehead.

"Please Maman," He corrected, still pouting though and ignoring his dad.

Ben stood up, walking to the fridge, "Is ice cream okay?"

Gabe's eyes started to light up, but he was still in one of his moods, "Yes."

I gave him a stern look when his eyes caught mine, "What do you say?"

"Yes please," He corrected himself. 

"And?" I pushed him, not amused by his attitude towards Ben. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, but it was going to stop. 

He gave me a little sigh and kept his face serious, "And what maman?!"

I tried not to grin at his exasperation, keeping my own expression just as serious as his, "You weren't very nice to papa."

Gabe looked at his father as Ben walked back over to the table with three bowls of ice cream in his hands. The greatest temptation for our son and he knew it. An ashamed look appeared on his face before he 

eyed the dessert then looked back at his dad, "I'm sorry papa."  

"Okay Gabe," He said back quietly, looking a little defeated.

He stuffed his mouth with ice cream, pretty content as he licked his lips. "Chocolate is my favorite," He announced, though it wasn't brand new information. Not for us at least.

"It's papa's too," I grinned at him before shooting Ben a quizzical look that he responded to with a shrug.

"Grandma always says I'm a lot like you," He added nonchalantly as he kept eating way too fast.

"You're a lot like maman too," Ben said back, forcing a smile to me.

He shook his head stubbornly, "I can't be! I'm a boy." 

I sighed but offered a smile as I poked his side, "Hey I carried you for nine months!"

"Ew," He made a disgusted face that made me grin just a little, before he looked at me with a way too serious expression. "Am I sleeping here tonight maman? Or papa will take me with him?"

"I was hoping that the both of you would stay over instead," I smiled at him, playing it off as if it were nothing. In a sense it wasn't considering Ben had been sleeping over, and me in vice versa, only then it was different. Now that Gabe knew we were together, everything had changed. 

He wrinkled his nose at us and put his spoon down, "No."

Both of my eyebrows shot up, "What?"

"We only have enough beds for me and you!" He said stubbornly, pushing his bowl away even though half of the ice cream still remained untouched. 

I hesitated to speak before Ben spoke up first, "What's wrong Gabe? Talk to us." 

Gabe turned his head to look at his dad, "I don't want to. I want to go to bed."

We stared at him in disbelief since those words had never left his mouth, watching as he padded his way towards the hallway. This time, I felt defeated. I'd never seen him act like this and for once, I had no idea what to do but give him some time. "I'm sorry," I said quietly to Ben. 

He reached for my hand and gave me another forced smile, "You did nothing wrong."

"I don't think he completely understands what's happening. He's confused," I replied, leaning closer and resting my head on his shoulder.  

He wrapped an arm around me to pull me closer, taking a deep breath and trying to process what was happening, "I think I'm confused too." 

At that I pulled my head back to look up at him, my eyebrows furrowed together, "Why?" 

With a free hand, he traced circles on mine, looking lost in his thoughts. "I really don't know what to do, I'm lost here." He paused, shaking his head, "I feel guilty too."

"But we did nothing," I replied, using the same words he had moments before. And they were still true. 

"Do you think we should talk to him right now?" He asked instead, closing his hand around mine as he stared at me. When I just shrugged he went on, "I don't think I can wait another day."

I stared at him a few long seconds before letting out the breath I had been holding, "Okay." 

He stood up as he held my hand, both of us heading to Gabe's room and stopping a moment on the doorway to look at him play with his cars. "Gabe," Ben said quietly as soon as he found his courage, Gabe's eyes shooting in our direction and focusing on his dad, then on me, and eventually on our locked hands.

"I know papa, it's bedtime. I'm going," He said flatly as he broke eye contact and put his toys away just like we had taught him.

I gave him a sweet smile and left Ben's hand on favor of picking Gabe up and set him on my knees once I sat on his bed. "Not yet baby, we want to talk to you," I said softly.

"I'm not a baby," He protested and wrinkled his nose when Ben sat next to us.

"You're a big boy right?" Ben asked seriously and he nodded, "So you're old enough for us to talk to you like parents talk to big boys?"

He just shrugged this time and I could see him closing himself already, something he didn't really do much. We'd taught him to open up and share always, up until now he had been great at it. "We love you Gabe, you know that right?" I started, playing with his hair and using that way that only moms had to convince their sons.

"Yes I know," He said in a small voice, nodding and leaning his back against my chest.

"But you know also that maman and I love each other, that's why we have you," Ben tried to explain it in the best way but it was hard. 

He pursed his lips together as he stared at Ben, "But you don't love maman like other papas do." 

He bent over enough to look straight into his eyes, "I love you and maman more than anything in the whole world."

I melted at his words and looked at Gabe, a smile playing on my lips, "What would make you say that Gabe?"

Gabe scrunched his nose and looked back and forth between the two of us, "I don't know."

"Gabriel," I said simply, knowing the effect that using his full name had on him. It made him open up, confess. "What's wrong?"

He moved his eyes to Ben, focusing on him as if the two of them were the only ones in the room. Parting his lips, he got a serious expression on his face, "I don't want you to leave us."

My heart stung, not knowing where this came from. 

Ben reached for Gabe and pulled him onto his lap, "I could never. You're my entire world... You and maman. Don't you know that?"

Gabe seemed to consider this and sighed, letting his eyes bounce between us again, "Why didn't you love each other before?"

I felt caught off guard, wondering how he had gotten so wise beyond his years. And that stubbornness? Surely it hadn't come from me. "We've always loved each other," I replied honestly, knowing what he meant, but still.

He shook his head, "You only love each other now! I had two homes and two rooms but now I'll only have one!"

I laughed at how stubborn and silly he was acting. Maybe I was still nervous from how this whole night had turned out, the conversation not going the way I had hoped. I only wished we could explain it better, but no one really knew how Ben and I felt except for us. "We were young when we had you and it was hard," I started, looking straight into his eyes. "But I never stopped loving your papa. I've loved him since I was your age and I always will." 

He kept his eyes on me and shook his head slowly, "I don't understand maman." 

"You will when you'll be older Gabe," I said softly, my hand reaching for his cheek to caress him in a soothing way.

He leaned back against his dad's chest, looking lost in a thought while I prayed that his next words wouldn't be as bad as everything else he had said. "But why didn't we live all together?" He asked stubbornly, it being the first time we'd really had this conversation since up until now, he'd been so used to that lifestyle. 

I looked up at Ben with a blank expression on my face, at loss of words. "Maman and I had to fix some things, and it took a while," Ben said eventually, it being so hard since we couldn't tell him the truth, that having a baby when you were so young was too much to take. 

He lifted his chin to make eye contact with his dad,  "And now it's all okay?" 

"Yes it is Gabe." He smiled to him, "Now it's more than okay, it's great. We can be a family again."

"Promise papa." He said seriously, "Promise you won't leave us."

I swallowed, wondering why he was blaming it all on Ben when both of us had decided it was what was best for us then. "I promise. I'll never leave you and maman, ever," He said honestly. 

I gave Ben a genuine smile, wanting to kiss him and let him know that we were in this together, for always. "Are you okay now?" I asked Gabe and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, pulling back with a grin on my face when he wrinkled his nose at me. 

"I am," He nodded his head. "Can I stay up and watch a movie with you guys?"

I shook my head, "It's bed time, but if you're good tomorrow we can go see a movie when you get out of school."

He grinned wide at that and looked up at Ben again, "Can we see Captain America?"

"We can," Ben replied and gave Gabe a hug before helping him get situated in bed. "But you have to be good like your maman said." 

"I'm always good," He said with a mischievous smile that had me biting back a laugh.  

"We'll see," I smiled at the two of them, watching Ben tuck Gabe in and give him one last kiss on the cheek. 

We'd almost made it into the hallway with the lights turned off when he whispered, "Papa? Can you come here?" I shrugged at Ben and waited for him in the hallway while he walked back over to Gabe's bed where he was now sitting up. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

I let go of the breath I had been holding and watched my two boys, Ben looked just as surprised as I felt. "It's okay Gabe," He said eventually, wrapping his arms around his tiny waist when he hugged his neck back. "I love you." 

"I love you too papa," He said when Ben pulled back, his usual smile was back in place.

"Good night," He said after tucking Gabe back in, walking out of his room and letting his eyes find mine. 

"What a night," I whispered, walking by his side as we headed back to the kitchen. Suddenly I felt drained, like I hadn't slept in days.

"Oh yeah," He agreed as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his side, "I'm exhausted."

I sighed, sneaking my own arm around his waist as we stopped in the doorway. "Tell me about it. There's still to clean everything." I glanced at the mess, wishing it could clean itself. 

"Let's go to bed baby. I'll clean tomorrow morning," He suggested, pulling me as close as he could to kiss my forehead.

I smiled and set my hand on his chest, staring into his gorgeous eyes when he pulled away. "I love you so much right now," I said seriously, his words sounding like music to my ear and it wasn't just because I was so tired. Unlike my parents who had numerous maids, I prided myself in doing everything on my own.. It was going to be nice having Ben around to help.

"Just right now?" He cocked an eyebrow but grinned, walking me backwards into our room and kicking the door shut behind us. 

"Always," I smirked and sat on the edge of the bed, peeling his shirt from his body and then running my hands down his hard chest. I unbuttoned then unzipped his jeans and pushed them down his legs, taking in his body and biting down on my lip to conceal the grin making its way onto my face. "No sweats tonight. You can leave the boxers on, but I'd prefer if they go."

He laughed and shook his head, pushing me onto my back and taking my jeans off while I shrugged out of my blouse. "You're feisty tonight," He hovered over my body and pressed his lips against mine, his whole body melting against mine. 

I cupped the back of his neck and held his face close to mine, "I'm happy instead."