Jax;
I walked into my house after a long day at work, happy to be back with my family. I dropped my jacket on my way to the livingroom and was even happier that Lila was there, talking to Colbie and cuddling Ruby.
“I thought that too.” Lila said and I had no idea what they were talking about. Sisters stuff? “But so what if that’s what brought it on? Travis is it for me Colbie. He’s the only man I’ll ever want in my life. If I was pregnant would that be so bad?” She asked.
I had a fucking heart attack. “Fuck.” I said out loud ans she looked up to see me in the doorway, feeling as if I was sorry I’d walked in on them. “You’re pregnant?”
"No, why do I look pregnant?" She tried to make a joke out of it to hide the embarrassment evident on her face. It wasn't like her, she was usually blunt and ashamed of nothing, and we were great friends too, but I understood why she was blushing now.
I walked over her and kissed the top of her head before walking over my Colbs to press a quick kiss on her lips. "You look as skinny and beautiful as usual."
"Ugh skinny makes me feel like I'm flat and not sexy at all." She protested with a small pout on her lips.
I walked into my house after a long day at work, happy to be back with my family. I dropped my jacket on my way to the livingroom and was even happier that Lila was there, talking to Colbie and cuddling Ruby.
“I thought that too.” Lila said and I had no idea what they were talking about. Sisters stuff? “But so what if that’s what brought it on? Travis is it for me Colbie. He’s the only man I’ll ever want in my life. If I was pregnant would that be so bad?” She asked.
I had a fucking heart attack. “Fuck.” I said out loud ans she looked up to see me in the doorway, feeling as if I was sorry I’d walked in on them. “You’re pregnant?”
"No, why do I look pregnant?" She tried to make a joke out of it to hide the embarrassment evident on her face. It wasn't like her, she was usually blunt and ashamed of nothing, and we were great friends too, but I understood why she was blushing now.
I walked over her and kissed the top of her head before walking over my Colbs to press a quick kiss on her lips. "You look as skinny and beautiful as usual."
"Ugh skinny makes me feel like I'm flat and not sexy at all." She protested with a small pout on her lips.
"Nevermind him, he's bad with words sometimes." Colbs grinned as she looked up at me.
I shrugged, reaching for my baby girl. "I'm a man of action." I grinned back at Lila as I cuddled Ruby against my chest, "Did you think you were pregnant?" I asked shamelessly.
"Jackson!" Colbs chastised me.
"What?! She had sex with my brother on my bed once, that was worse than me asking if she's pregnant." I protested, glad that I didn't have that bed anymore.
Lila widened her eyes. "I can't believe Trav told you!"
"He didn't, I had suspicions and you just confirmed them." I shrugged as I kissed my daughters nose then let her play with my beard.
"I didn't think I was pregnant though." She cleared her throat, adjusting on the couch and looking serious.
I studied her expression, trying to gather her mood but I couldn't so I just asked her. "And this is a good thing or not?"
"Why do you think it'd be good? Did you talk to Travis? Did he tell you something?" She asked and looked a little anxious to be honest, her questions coming out of her mouth a little too fast.
"I'll go make some coffee." Colbs smiled at us before exiting the room, making me love her even more for always knowing what to do and say.
I set my eyes back on Lila. "Of course I talked to Trav, he's my brother." I told her simply as I sat down next to her. She gave me a questioning look. "It didn't go too well. You know how he gets when someone doesn't agree with him."
She blinked at me several times. "You didn't?!"
I shook my head, "Nope. I mean it's a good plan and I think he's ready now but let's be real, you're young and not already ready to have a baby." I explained simply. Travis had told me what she had said and I had to say I was on Lila's side on this one.
“Were you ready to have a baby?” Lila asked, narrowing her eyes on me and snapping just a little.
“I’m a little older than you.” I pointed out, not getting defensive because I knew her, I knew how sometimes she acted a little too much like Travis so I knew how to handle perfectly.
“Colbie was younger than I am when she had Will.” She fired back, set on proving her point as usual.
I glanced at her. “True, but that ended with a father abandoning his son didn’t it?” I reminded her.
She rose her brow and folded her arms over her chest. “Are you saying that Travis would abandon our child? Or that I would?” She asked me point blank.
“Lila I’m not saying any of that. Why are you getting upset?” I sighed, mustering all the patience I had.
“I’m not that young Jax. Plenty of friends that I graduated college with have families.”
I adjusted Ruby against my chest and leaned back against the couch. “So? What does that have to do with you and Travis?” I asked.
“You said I was young.” She shrugged.
“I said you were young and not ready to have a baby. Isn’t that what you said to Travis?” I questioned, being patient even though she was kind of treating me like I was being an asshole.
“I wasn’t ready to make a baby the instant he asked because I had questions! That doesn’t mean I’m not mature enough or don’t want that.”
“Okay…did he answer your questions?” I asked.
“No he won’t talk about it anymore.” She sighed. “But they are valid questions! Having a baby would change everything about our lives.”
“I’m aware of this.” I smirked. “I don’t know if you remember but I recently had one myself.”
She rolled her eyes, beibg a grumpy little thing, Travis style. “Yes I’m young.” She finally agreed. “But I don’t want to be an old mother either, and yeah I want to travel the world but wouldn’t that be even better with a family?”
“Probably. But Lil, you don’t even live with Travis. Him asking you to make that kind of commitment is kind of premature.”
She sighed again. “I know. But the more I think about it, the more I think about my life and Travis and how much I love him…’ She trailed off, her eyes getting a little watery. “I would be so happy to have his baby. To be a mom….I think I’d be good at it.”
I reached over and brushed a tear from her cheek. “Lil I wasn’t saying you wouldn’t be good. You would be a fantastic mother.”
“You really would.” Colbie said from the hall as she brought three cups of coffee, her own eyes a little shiny themselves. “I know you’ve always been the wild child of the family baby sister but I always knew in my heart that you would make a wonderful family some day.”
Lila swallowed, looking both relieved and overwhelmed. “I’m worried I only want this because he brought it up. I don’t want to have a baby just to make him happy, but I really can’t stop thinking about it.” She admitted.
"Maybe he brought it up, but if this is how you're reacting..." I trailed off, looking at her wet cheeks.
"Please don't be an ass again, I don't know if I can take it." She sniffled, glaring at me.
Colbie sat on the coffee table in front of her, smiling softly. "He's not going to be, let him talk."
I winked at her, then went back to looking at Lila. "I just meant that even if you're totally whipped and he has you wrapped around his finger, it would've taken more than just mentioning he wants a baby to convince you." I reasoned out loud.
"The idea was already in your head." Colbs went on, reading my mind. Being parents together had done that to us, we basically had two joined brain. "Even if you didn't think about it."
"I never thought I'd want a family before Trav. When I met him everything changed and at some point I knew I'd want to marry him and have kids, but in this order and not with him asking out of the blue." She reasoned out loud, grabbing Ruby's tiny foot and playing with it absentmindedly.
I glanced down at my daughter who was now asleep and then at Lila. "Don't wake her." I warned her. She rolled her eyes.
"We didn't do it in that order and we're still happy." Colbs interjected with a shrug of her shoulders, as if that had been so easy. It hadn't, but that had been because of her not because of other reasons. I wasn't going to point that out, now or ever, the past was in the past.
I nodded in agreement instead. "And it wasn't even like it'd be with Travis. Ruby just happened, we had never talked about having a baby before, she wasn't planned and yet she's the best thing that ever happened to us."
"After meeting each other, obviously." I grinned at the girls to make the moment lighter but while Colbs grinned back Lila was still too much into her head.
"I know it'd be good. Travis would make a great dad, I saw him with Poppy and Ruby, he's amazing." She paused and pursed her lips tightly together before going on. "I know he'd always be there for me and our baby. He would've been there for me when we weren't even together, he would certainly do now."
Colbs blinked at her sister. "What are you talking about?!"
"We had a pregnancy scare at the beginning of our relationship. It wasn't even a relationship back then and yet he was ready to take care of our baby if we had one and even when we found out I wasn't pregnant he took care of me. He always does. And I laughed in his face when he told me he wanted a baby after everything he went through with Karlie." She brought her hands to her face and started sobbing. Oh god.
I used my free arm to wrap it around her shoulders, "Lil, you're letting it all out and it's good, but you didn't do anything terrible, don't cry like that."
"I know I'm just an emotional mess right now because I can't say anything of this to Trav because I don't want to fight with him again." She protested, now looking angry even if she was still crying. Was she sure she wasn't pregnant?
"You need to eventually." Colbs leaned over to squeeze her knee, offering her comfort. "He'll listen."
"Why the .uck is my girl crying like that what the hell happened." Travis voice boomed into the room as he strode to us quickly to get to Lila. He released her from my hold and cupped her face. "You okay baby?"
She nodded her head, "Yeah I'm just emotional." She dismissed him, making no big deal out of it and wiping her own tears.
Trav;
I looked at my brother skeptically. "What am I missing?" I asked him, knowing he'd say something if there was something to say while I wondered why Lila looked like a total wreck. I hadn't done anything bad so it couldn't be me, but then what was it?
"She just told you, you're so damn overprotective you can't even think straight sometimes." My brother teased me. I believed him though.
"Promise baby?" I asked as I bored my eyes into hers, watching her nod again. I kissed her softly. "You should be happy, I'm taking you to the beach house." I whispered again her lips. If something was bugging her she'd tell me there, if not, we'd spend an amazing weekend away anyway.
“That sounds amazing.” Lila smiled and kissed me again.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not in pain?” I asked, knowing sometimes her ribs or her leg would hurt out of the blue since it was technically still healing.
“No I’m good.” She smiled.
I narrowed my eyes but then the sound of Ruby waking up and shrieking made us all turn to her. She shouted something intelligible and made a funny fact that made me laugh as I reached for her. “You keep getting prettier and prettier every time I see you don’t you baby girl?” I asked, lifting her into the air and watching her pout turn instantly into a wide smile. My second niece was just as perfect as the first one, my brothers were real good at making girls apparently. I...I wasn't.
“You think she’s a chance she’ll grow out of that before boys start to notice?” Jax asked, wincing a little.
“Not a chance.” I laughed. “But those boys will have to answer to me so don’t you worry.” I told Ruby who giggled and then patted my face. “Come on babe I want to get there in time for our dinner reservations.” I said, handing the baby back to Colbie and kissing her cheek.
“But I have to pack.” Lila pointed out.
“I already did.” I grinned.
She set her hands on her hips. Why in Christ's name. I could never win with this girl. “Did you really or did you only pack bikinis?” She asked.
“No I packed shoes too.” I smirked.
“Trav.” She groaned.
“I’m kidding!! But seriously, lets go.” I told her, my patience running low already.
She shook her head, “Okay!!” She laughed before hugging Jax. “Thanks.” She whispered. They always had secrets, they were like two teenagers.
“For what?” Jax asked.
She shrugged and hugged him tighter. “For everything.” She replied before hugging her sister and the baby at the same time. When she pulled away and Colbie was grinning so big I wondered if I had to find out what was all that whispering about. Lila nodded and then followed me into the car after I hugged Colbie and patted my brother on the back.
“What brought on this little trip?” Lila asked once we were inside the car.
I shrugged. “Nothing. Just felt like taking a mini vacation.” I replied, get ready for questioning time. "What was that about when I walked in?” I started.
She licked her lips. “Just talking with Jax and Colbie.” She shrugged, beign vague and only making me more suspicious.
“And that made you cry?” I questioned.
“Maybe we can talk about it when we get to the beach?” She asked. Fuck no.
I pulled the car over and looked at her. “If it’s important we’ll talk about it now.”
She swallowed. “It is important. But it’s not really the kind of conversation that I want to have in the car.” She said softly.
“Lila.” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for a decent answer.
She nodded and took a deep breath while I held mine. “I want to have a baby Travis.”
I blinked at her and absorbed the information. I nodded my head slowly, trying to act my best. "I know you do. Eventually, we'll get there, when the time is right." I commented quietly, repeating out loud the words that had been in my mind for a while.
She shot me a confused look as she swallowed. "Did you change your mind?" She asked me, twisting in her seat to face me.
"No, god no."I paused to run my hand through my hair, "You know I want a baby. More than one. I want a family and I know you want that too. I'm sorry for how I reacted the first time I brought it up and I wish I handled things better but you know how I am." I reached for her hand and squeezed it, making a huge effort but knowing it was needed.
"I'm confused." She frowned as she stared at me with her big eyes.
I shrugged, confused myself by her confusion. "About what?" I asked slowly.
"You saying sorry, you being so...calm. What's got into you? I was expecting you to fight me, instead you're just sitting here being reasonable." She explained and I made a face. I had been that big of an ass? Or was I on daily basis maybe?
I gathered my courage, doing the right thing and being old and wise for the both of us. She had told me she was too young, she still had things to do in her life, I was going to wait, see her grow both as a person and as an artist. "I talked to Kolton about our fight and it gave me a new perspective, it made me see things differently. At the end of the day baby, I love you so much I couldn't put anything before you, not even the desire of having a baby. What you desire is my priority right now."
She stared at me, eyes wide and lips parted, the shock on her face evident. "You talked to Kolton." She repeated slowly and I nodded. "You two. Talked. About us having a baby. And you're not sporting a black eye."
I let out a small laugh, "I'm bigger and stronger than your brother."
A pained sound escaped her throat. "Oh my god so you two did fight! Tell me you didn't hit him."
"I'd be stupid if I hit the only brother of yours I get along with." I grinned as I caressed her cheek, "No baby, we just talked. It was nice and polite, he didn't even let me pay for my drinks so I think that officially makes us friends."
"That's great." A sweet smile touched her lips and I could tell she was happy about the new revelation. "So about the baby...you didn't change your mind."
I shook my head, "Nope. As I said, when you'll be ready in a few years we'll have all the babies we want." I told her simply, for once believing in what I was saying. Lila had almost died, I was going to love her and her life, our life, with or without a baby in the equation. We still had time to start a family.
She just stared at me, again, and something changed in the way her eyes were fixed on mine. "You think now it's not the right time anymore." She said and it didn't sound like a question. More like an accusation. "But when I said earlier I wanted a baby, I meant now. I don't want to wait."
I stared at her completely speechless. I hadn't seen that coming. How did you change your opinion about something so important in a span of a couple weeks? You didn't. Unless you did just to make someone else happy, that person being me. I wasn't going to allow that. "No. You're saying that just because you saw how much I wanted it and how bad I reacted when you said no. You don't have to change your mind, I understand now what your doubts were then and it's okay." I told her seriously, my car suddenly feeling a little small.
“I told you we should wait until we got to the beach to have this conversation.” Lila replied with a small smirk.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything.” I grumbled.
She rose a brow. “I thought you said we had dinner reservations.” Was she trying to change the subject now? I swear this girl drove me crazy sometimes.
I nodded and pulled away from the curb, merging onto the highway. “I don’t want you to say this just because you’re trying to make me happy.” I replied, my eyes on the road but my hand reaching out to grab hers, not ready to drop the topic yet.
“Making you happy is part of my job as a good girlfriend.” She said, squeezing my hand.
“But-“ I started, running a hand through my hair.
“But it’s not the reason why I want a baby.” She added. “I thought that it might be, before I talked to Jax and Colbie.”
I glanced at her. Now everything made more sense. “That’s what you were talking to Jax and Colbie about?” I asked softly. “Jax doesn’t think you’re ready.”
She laced her fingers with mine, “Jax knocked up my sister after knowing her for like a week.” She retorted making me laugh out loud.
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration Lil.” I chuckled.
She beamed at me, then shook her head. “Still. He didn’t get to have the “Should we have kids talk” And he’s right I am young and have so much time to think about these things.”
“That’s what you said too.” I replied softly, obviously remembering back to the night she had turned me down.
“Travis, the accident changed me. I know it changed you too. But I know in my heart that we’re special, that love like ours doesn’t come around every day. And traveling the world, expanding my career and yours, that’s going to be even better when we have a family to share it with!”
I swallowed and shook my head. "It’s easy to forget you’re so young when you talk like that Lila.” I replied.
She scoffed. “You’re going to have to stop talking about how young I am or either our kids won’t respect me or your daughters will only date men twice their age.” She replied.
"When we'll have kids I'll make sure they'll respect me as much as they'll respect you. And if we'll have daughters they'll never date anyone." I managed to grin, "But we still have time for that."
"Not so much time, if we started trying having a baby now..." She trailed off, her voice soft.
I kept my eyes on the road, not able to look at her. I didn't think it was the right thing to do, even if it pained me to admit so, because it still was what I wanted. Only that wasn't the kind of decision you took by yourself and I couldn't risk it when I suspected that Lila had changed her mind just because of me. "We're not going to." I told her quietly.
"Why not? Didn't you hear what I told you Trav?" She asked, her voice getting a familiar edge.
"I heard you loud and clear Lila." I paused, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. "And while part of me agrees, the other part thinks you're missing something."
"And what the hell would I be missing?" She snorted, crossing her arms against her chest.
"My career already expanded considerably because even if I joke about it we do have a few years separating us. You might not be as young as I tease you to be but you are younger than me. There are still so many things you have to do, accomplish, and your career just started to take off. A baby would change everything mostly for you, because you'd be the one carrying it inside of you, having to feed him or her, you'd have to put pretty much everything on pause and that would do no good to the career of a promising artist." I told her seriously and the glance I gave her was quick but enough to see the frown on her face. "While you process this, please keep in mind that I'm saying what I'm saying just because I love you so much that I'd do anything for you, even put my stubbornness aside. I'm your biggest fan and I'm not going to be the one who puts a halt to your life just because I'm older."
"But you're willing to take a decision for me anyway apparently." She replied flatly.
I shook my head, wishing she could see how much all this costed me. "I don't even know what you mean Lila." I muttered under my breath.
"I mean I should be the one deciding what I want to do with my life, not you because you think you know better." She retorted, a little bitterly to be honest.
"I'm just trying to let you see things how they are, I want you to reconsider this whole thing." I groaned, not liking where this was going. I didn't want to fight but damn why she never listened to me?!
“Okay.” Lila sighed, looking out the window and looking super bummed out. I could never win with her. If I said the wrong thing I was the asshole if I said the right thing I was still an asshole.
“If it’s that easy for me to get you to change your mind it means-“
“Stop.” She held up her hand and I growled. I hated being interrupted but she didn't care about it anymore. “I’m not changing my mind. But I’m not going to force you into it. I’m not going to give you an ultimatum or a time that I want this by because that won’t make a happy family. I just want you to know that I’m ready now. That if I found out I was pregnant today it would make me so happy. That whenever you want to start trying, I’ll be here.” She said it softly, then there was a long silence during which I processed her words.
I just kept driving, trying to imagine how it'd be looking at this same road with a baby sitting with us and I also trying to decide if in this mental image I see Lila was still the young girl she was right now or she was a few years older.
“Baby.” She said finally, breaking the silence. “Please don’t be mad.” She whispered.
“I’m not mad.” I said, pulling into our favorite seafood restaurant where we were seated right away.
“You’re super quiet.” She replied. “That either means mad or sad.”
I shook my head and ordered a bottle of wine when the waiter stopped by before I looked at her. “A lot would change Lila.” First of all, no more wine for her. HAving a baby brought you to make big and small changes, a lot of them.
“I know. But change for the better I think. Besides plenty of women have families and careers. It’s not like I have a boss that won’t let me take time for my kids when we decide to have them.” She laughed. “This would make me happy. I mean as long as you’re not expecting me to be one of those helicopter mothers who breast feed until they’re 6 and don’t let them eat gluten. I love gluten.”
I laughed at her nonsense and shook my head as the wine came.
"I'd expect from you nothing but being a normal amazing mom." I told her softly as I reached for my glass of wine, taking a sip. Damn. This wasn't going like I thought it would, not at all.
"Tell me what you're thinking Trav, if there's anything I hate more than having you yell at me is having you all quiet." She said as she stared at me with a small hopeful smile of her pink lips.
"I guess I wasn't ready for this." I breathed out, reaching for her hand from across the table and brushing my thumb against her palm.
Her smile faltered. "I thought you were ready to have a baby, I don't understand." She whispered, her voice small.
I squeezed her hand to get her full attention, my eyes into hers. "I mean I wasn't ready for you being ready." I paused, gathering my thoughts. "I spent all this time convincing myself you wouldn't be ready, talking myself out of this crazy idea of having a baby for your own good and now here you are, telling me you're ready instead."
"I just needed some time to figure things out." She said a little hesitatingly, "It's a big deal Trav and as much as I knew I was wrong laughing in your face I also know it was wrong the way you brought the subject up."
"I hope you're not expecting me to admit I was wrong." I raised a brow and offered a teasing smile, a offer of peace too.
She chuckled lightly, in that moment making me imagine a tiny version of her chuckling in the same way. My chest tightened. I was allowed to indulge in that kind of fantasy again. "I wasn't expecting you to talk with Kolton yet you did. You're the man of many surprises Mr Cole."
"Just like you're the only woman in the whole world who surprises me always and knock me off balance." I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles.
"We're doing well, aren't we? Talking without arguing." She smiled wider, her cheeks turning pink, that exact shade they did every time she was happy.
"I guess it's a good sign since we're planning on becoming parents." I told her back and my smile mirrored hers.
She let out a breath. "So...are we?"
I nodded. "If it's what you really want. If you need more time I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything you want baby." I said honestly because if the accident had taught me something that was how far I was willing to go for her.
She shook her head as she bit down on her lip. "I don't need time. I just need you and a bunch of blond babies."
I let out a small laugh, the thought overwhelming. So this was happening. We were going to try. I couldn't be happier. "God, we're crazy Lil."
“Maybe you are. I’ve thought about it a lot.” Lila smirked.
I laughed. “Apparently.”
“Its good news too because I’m wearing some super slutty lingerie under this dress.” She added watching me.
I gave her a smile. “Really?” I questioned, she nodded and sipped her wine. “You know you’ll have to stop drinking.” I pointed out.
She nodded. “That is a bummer. Hopefully the baby will be worth it. Plus side is I’ll get to eat for two.”
I laughed. “Slow down Lil you’re not knocked up yet.”
She raised her glass. “Good point. We should get a refill.”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I-“ I started, swallowing before I continued, feeling like I didn’t really have the words. “I didn’t know I’d get to have this.” I said finally and I knew she'd understand what I meant. A life with no Lila was a life I didn't want to have and the accident had reminded me that.
“Me either.” She admitted softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life and fuck how cheesy that sounds.”
I leaned in to kiss her and she lingered against my lips. “How do you feel about our child being conceived in a restaurant bathroom?” She questioned, not really kidding.
I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. I mean I’m not against it, but I’m going to feed you first because you’re going to need the energy.”
I shrugged, reaching for my baby girl. "I'm a man of action." I grinned back at Lila as I cuddled Ruby against my chest, "Did you think you were pregnant?" I asked shamelessly.
"Jackson!" Colbs chastised me.
"What?! She had sex with my brother on my bed once, that was worse than me asking if she's pregnant." I protested, glad that I didn't have that bed anymore.
Lila widened her eyes. "I can't believe Trav told you!"
"He didn't, I had suspicions and you just confirmed them." I shrugged as I kissed my daughters nose then let her play with my beard.
"I didn't think I was pregnant though." She cleared her throat, adjusting on the couch and looking serious.
I studied her expression, trying to gather her mood but I couldn't so I just asked her. "And this is a good thing or not?"
"Why do you think it'd be good? Did you talk to Travis? Did he tell you something?" She asked and looked a little anxious to be honest, her questions coming out of her mouth a little too fast.
"I'll go make some coffee." Colbs smiled at us before exiting the room, making me love her even more for always knowing what to do and say.
I set my eyes back on Lila. "Of course I talked to Trav, he's my brother." I told her simply as I sat down next to her. She gave me a questioning look. "It didn't go too well. You know how he gets when someone doesn't agree with him."
She blinked at me several times. "You didn't?!"
I shook my head, "Nope. I mean it's a good plan and I think he's ready now but let's be real, you're young and not already ready to have a baby." I explained simply. Travis had told me what she had said and I had to say I was on Lila's side on this one.
“Were you ready to have a baby?” Lila asked, narrowing her eyes on me and snapping just a little.
“I’m a little older than you.” I pointed out, not getting defensive because I knew her, I knew how sometimes she acted a little too much like Travis so I knew how to handle perfectly.
“Colbie was younger than I am when she had Will.” She fired back, set on proving her point as usual.
I glanced at her. “True, but that ended with a father abandoning his son didn’t it?” I reminded her.
She rose her brow and folded her arms over her chest. “Are you saying that Travis would abandon our child? Or that I would?” She asked me point blank.
“Lila I’m not saying any of that. Why are you getting upset?” I sighed, mustering all the patience I had.
“I’m not that young Jax. Plenty of friends that I graduated college with have families.”
I adjusted Ruby against my chest and leaned back against the couch. “So? What does that have to do with you and Travis?” I asked.
“You said I was young.” She shrugged.
“I said you were young and not ready to have a baby. Isn’t that what you said to Travis?” I questioned, being patient even though she was kind of treating me like I was being an asshole.
“I wasn’t ready to make a baby the instant he asked because I had questions! That doesn’t mean I’m not mature enough or don’t want that.”
“Okay…did he answer your questions?” I asked.
“No he won’t talk about it anymore.” She sighed. “But they are valid questions! Having a baby would change everything about our lives.”
“I’m aware of this.” I smirked. “I don’t know if you remember but I recently had one myself.”
She rolled her eyes, beibg a grumpy little thing, Travis style. “Yes I’m young.” She finally agreed. “But I don’t want to be an old mother either, and yeah I want to travel the world but wouldn’t that be even better with a family?”
“Probably. But Lil, you don’t even live with Travis. Him asking you to make that kind of commitment is kind of premature.”
She sighed again. “I know. But the more I think about it, the more I think about my life and Travis and how much I love him…’ She trailed off, her eyes getting a little watery. “I would be so happy to have his baby. To be a mom….I think I’d be good at it.”
I reached over and brushed a tear from her cheek. “Lil I wasn’t saying you wouldn’t be good. You would be a fantastic mother.”
“You really would.” Colbie said from the hall as she brought three cups of coffee, her own eyes a little shiny themselves. “I know you’ve always been the wild child of the family baby sister but I always knew in my heart that you would make a wonderful family some day.”
Lila swallowed, looking both relieved and overwhelmed. “I’m worried I only want this because he brought it up. I don’t want to have a baby just to make him happy, but I really can’t stop thinking about it.” She admitted.
"Maybe he brought it up, but if this is how you're reacting..." I trailed off, looking at her wet cheeks.
"Please don't be an ass again, I don't know if I can take it." She sniffled, glaring at me.
Colbie sat on the coffee table in front of her, smiling softly. "He's not going to be, let him talk."
I winked at her, then went back to looking at Lila. "I just meant that even if you're totally whipped and he has you wrapped around his finger, it would've taken more than just mentioning he wants a baby to convince you." I reasoned out loud.
"The idea was already in your head." Colbs went on, reading my mind. Being parents together had done that to us, we basically had two joined brain. "Even if you didn't think about it."
"I never thought I'd want a family before Trav. When I met him everything changed and at some point I knew I'd want to marry him and have kids, but in this order and not with him asking out of the blue." She reasoned out loud, grabbing Ruby's tiny foot and playing with it absentmindedly.
I glanced down at my daughter who was now asleep and then at Lila. "Don't wake her." I warned her. She rolled her eyes.
"We didn't do it in that order and we're still happy." Colbs interjected with a shrug of her shoulders, as if that had been so easy. It hadn't, but that had been because of her not because of other reasons. I wasn't going to point that out, now or ever, the past was in the past.
I nodded in agreement instead. "And it wasn't even like it'd be with Travis. Ruby just happened, we had never talked about having a baby before, she wasn't planned and yet she's the best thing that ever happened to us."
"After meeting each other, obviously." I grinned at the girls to make the moment lighter but while Colbs grinned back Lila was still too much into her head.
"I know it'd be good. Travis would make a great dad, I saw him with Poppy and Ruby, he's amazing." She paused and pursed her lips tightly together before going on. "I know he'd always be there for me and our baby. He would've been there for me when we weren't even together, he would certainly do now."
Colbs blinked at her sister. "What are you talking about?!"
"We had a pregnancy scare at the beginning of our relationship. It wasn't even a relationship back then and yet he was ready to take care of our baby if we had one and even when we found out I wasn't pregnant he took care of me. He always does. And I laughed in his face when he told me he wanted a baby after everything he went through with Karlie." She brought her hands to her face and started sobbing. Oh god.
I used my free arm to wrap it around her shoulders, "Lil, you're letting it all out and it's good, but you didn't do anything terrible, don't cry like that."
"I know I'm just an emotional mess right now because I can't say anything of this to Trav because I don't want to fight with him again." She protested, now looking angry even if she was still crying. Was she sure she wasn't pregnant?
"You need to eventually." Colbs leaned over to squeeze her knee, offering her comfort. "He'll listen."
"Why the .uck is my girl crying like that what the hell happened." Travis voice boomed into the room as he strode to us quickly to get to Lila. He released her from my hold and cupped her face. "You okay baby?"
She nodded her head, "Yeah I'm just emotional." She dismissed him, making no big deal out of it and wiping her own tears.
Trav;
I looked at my brother skeptically. "What am I missing?" I asked him, knowing he'd say something if there was something to say while I wondered why Lila looked like a total wreck. I hadn't done anything bad so it couldn't be me, but then what was it?
"She just told you, you're so damn overprotective you can't even think straight sometimes." My brother teased me. I believed him though.
"Promise baby?" I asked as I bored my eyes into hers, watching her nod again. I kissed her softly. "You should be happy, I'm taking you to the beach house." I whispered again her lips. If something was bugging her she'd tell me there, if not, we'd spend an amazing weekend away anyway.
“That sounds amazing.” Lila smiled and kissed me again.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not in pain?” I asked, knowing sometimes her ribs or her leg would hurt out of the blue since it was technically still healing.
“No I’m good.” She smiled.
I narrowed my eyes but then the sound of Ruby waking up and shrieking made us all turn to her. She shouted something intelligible and made a funny fact that made me laugh as I reached for her. “You keep getting prettier and prettier every time I see you don’t you baby girl?” I asked, lifting her into the air and watching her pout turn instantly into a wide smile. My second niece was just as perfect as the first one, my brothers were real good at making girls apparently. I...I wasn't.
“You think she’s a chance she’ll grow out of that before boys start to notice?” Jax asked, wincing a little.
“Not a chance.” I laughed. “But those boys will have to answer to me so don’t you worry.” I told Ruby who giggled and then patted my face. “Come on babe I want to get there in time for our dinner reservations.” I said, handing the baby back to Colbie and kissing her cheek.
“But I have to pack.” Lila pointed out.
“I already did.” I grinned.
She set her hands on her hips. Why in Christ's name. I could never win with this girl. “Did you really or did you only pack bikinis?” She asked.
“No I packed shoes too.” I smirked.
“Trav.” She groaned.
“I’m kidding!! But seriously, lets go.” I told her, my patience running low already.
She shook her head, “Okay!!” She laughed before hugging Jax. “Thanks.” She whispered. They always had secrets, they were like two teenagers.
“For what?” Jax asked.
She shrugged and hugged him tighter. “For everything.” She replied before hugging her sister and the baby at the same time. When she pulled away and Colbie was grinning so big I wondered if I had to find out what was all that whispering about. Lila nodded and then followed me into the car after I hugged Colbie and patted my brother on the back.
“What brought on this little trip?” Lila asked once we were inside the car.
I shrugged. “Nothing. Just felt like taking a mini vacation.” I replied, get ready for questioning time. "What was that about when I walked in?” I started.
She licked her lips. “Just talking with Jax and Colbie.” She shrugged, beign vague and only making me more suspicious.
“And that made you cry?” I questioned.
“Maybe we can talk about it when we get to the beach?” She asked. Fuck no.
I pulled the car over and looked at her. “If it’s important we’ll talk about it now.”
She swallowed. “It is important. But it’s not really the kind of conversation that I want to have in the car.” She said softly.
“Lila.” I narrowed my eyes, waiting for a decent answer.
She nodded and took a deep breath while I held mine. “I want to have a baby Travis.”
I blinked at her and absorbed the information. I nodded my head slowly, trying to act my best. "I know you do. Eventually, we'll get there, when the time is right." I commented quietly, repeating out loud the words that had been in my mind for a while.
She shot me a confused look as she swallowed. "Did you change your mind?" She asked me, twisting in her seat to face me.
"No, god no."I paused to run my hand through my hair, "You know I want a baby. More than one. I want a family and I know you want that too. I'm sorry for how I reacted the first time I brought it up and I wish I handled things better but you know how I am." I reached for her hand and squeezed it, making a huge effort but knowing it was needed.
"I'm confused." She frowned as she stared at me with her big eyes.
I shrugged, confused myself by her confusion. "About what?" I asked slowly.
"You saying sorry, you being so...calm. What's got into you? I was expecting you to fight me, instead you're just sitting here being reasonable." She explained and I made a face. I had been that big of an ass? Or was I on daily basis maybe?
I gathered my courage, doing the right thing and being old and wise for the both of us. She had told me she was too young, she still had things to do in her life, I was going to wait, see her grow both as a person and as an artist. "I talked to Kolton about our fight and it gave me a new perspective, it made me see things differently. At the end of the day baby, I love you so much I couldn't put anything before you, not even the desire of having a baby. What you desire is my priority right now."
She stared at me, eyes wide and lips parted, the shock on her face evident. "You talked to Kolton." She repeated slowly and I nodded. "You two. Talked. About us having a baby. And you're not sporting a black eye."
I let out a small laugh, "I'm bigger and stronger than your brother."
A pained sound escaped her throat. "Oh my god so you two did fight! Tell me you didn't hit him."
"I'd be stupid if I hit the only brother of yours I get along with." I grinned as I caressed her cheek, "No baby, we just talked. It was nice and polite, he didn't even let me pay for my drinks so I think that officially makes us friends."
"That's great." A sweet smile touched her lips and I could tell she was happy about the new revelation. "So about the baby...you didn't change your mind."
I shook my head, "Nope. As I said, when you'll be ready in a few years we'll have all the babies we want." I told her simply, for once believing in what I was saying. Lila had almost died, I was going to love her and her life, our life, with or without a baby in the equation. We still had time to start a family.
She just stared at me, again, and something changed in the way her eyes were fixed on mine. "You think now it's not the right time anymore." She said and it didn't sound like a question. More like an accusation. "But when I said earlier I wanted a baby, I meant now. I don't want to wait."
I stared at her completely speechless. I hadn't seen that coming. How did you change your opinion about something so important in a span of a couple weeks? You didn't. Unless you did just to make someone else happy, that person being me. I wasn't going to allow that. "No. You're saying that just because you saw how much I wanted it and how bad I reacted when you said no. You don't have to change your mind, I understand now what your doubts were then and it's okay." I told her seriously, my car suddenly feeling a little small.
“I told you we should wait until we got to the beach to have this conversation.” Lila replied with a small smirk.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything.” I grumbled.
She rose a brow. “I thought you said we had dinner reservations.” Was she trying to change the subject now? I swear this girl drove me crazy sometimes.
I nodded and pulled away from the curb, merging onto the highway. “I don’t want you to say this just because you’re trying to make me happy.” I replied, my eyes on the road but my hand reaching out to grab hers, not ready to drop the topic yet.
“Making you happy is part of my job as a good girlfriend.” She said, squeezing my hand.
“But-“ I started, running a hand through my hair.
“But it’s not the reason why I want a baby.” She added. “I thought that it might be, before I talked to Jax and Colbie.”
I glanced at her. Now everything made more sense. “That’s what you were talking to Jax and Colbie about?” I asked softly. “Jax doesn’t think you’re ready.”
She laced her fingers with mine, “Jax knocked up my sister after knowing her for like a week.” She retorted making me laugh out loud.
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration Lil.” I chuckled.
She beamed at me, then shook her head. “Still. He didn’t get to have the “Should we have kids talk” And he’s right I am young and have so much time to think about these things.”
“That’s what you said too.” I replied softly, obviously remembering back to the night she had turned me down.
“Travis, the accident changed me. I know it changed you too. But I know in my heart that we’re special, that love like ours doesn’t come around every day. And traveling the world, expanding my career and yours, that’s going to be even better when we have a family to share it with!”
I swallowed and shook my head. "It’s easy to forget you’re so young when you talk like that Lila.” I replied.
She scoffed. “You’re going to have to stop talking about how young I am or either our kids won’t respect me or your daughters will only date men twice their age.” She replied.
"When we'll have kids I'll make sure they'll respect me as much as they'll respect you. And if we'll have daughters they'll never date anyone." I managed to grin, "But we still have time for that."
"Not so much time, if we started trying having a baby now..." She trailed off, her voice soft.
I kept my eyes on the road, not able to look at her. I didn't think it was the right thing to do, even if it pained me to admit so, because it still was what I wanted. Only that wasn't the kind of decision you took by yourself and I couldn't risk it when I suspected that Lila had changed her mind just because of me. "We're not going to." I told her quietly.
"Why not? Didn't you hear what I told you Trav?" She asked, her voice getting a familiar edge.
"I heard you loud and clear Lila." I paused, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. "And while part of me agrees, the other part thinks you're missing something."
"And what the hell would I be missing?" She snorted, crossing her arms against her chest.
"My career already expanded considerably because even if I joke about it we do have a few years separating us. You might not be as young as I tease you to be but you are younger than me. There are still so many things you have to do, accomplish, and your career just started to take off. A baby would change everything mostly for you, because you'd be the one carrying it inside of you, having to feed him or her, you'd have to put pretty much everything on pause and that would do no good to the career of a promising artist." I told her seriously and the glance I gave her was quick but enough to see the frown on her face. "While you process this, please keep in mind that I'm saying what I'm saying just because I love you so much that I'd do anything for you, even put my stubbornness aside. I'm your biggest fan and I'm not going to be the one who puts a halt to your life just because I'm older."
"But you're willing to take a decision for me anyway apparently." She replied flatly.
I shook my head, wishing she could see how much all this costed me. "I don't even know what you mean Lila." I muttered under my breath.
"I mean I should be the one deciding what I want to do with my life, not you because you think you know better." She retorted, a little bitterly to be honest.
"I'm just trying to let you see things how they are, I want you to reconsider this whole thing." I groaned, not liking where this was going. I didn't want to fight but damn why she never listened to me?!
“Okay.” Lila sighed, looking out the window and looking super bummed out. I could never win with her. If I said the wrong thing I was the asshole if I said the right thing I was still an asshole.
“If it’s that easy for me to get you to change your mind it means-“
“Stop.” She held up her hand and I growled. I hated being interrupted but she didn't care about it anymore. “I’m not changing my mind. But I’m not going to force you into it. I’m not going to give you an ultimatum or a time that I want this by because that won’t make a happy family. I just want you to know that I’m ready now. That if I found out I was pregnant today it would make me so happy. That whenever you want to start trying, I’ll be here.” She said it softly, then there was a long silence during which I processed her words.
I just kept driving, trying to imagine how it'd be looking at this same road with a baby sitting with us and I also trying to decide if in this mental image I see Lila was still the young girl she was right now or she was a few years older.
“Baby.” She said finally, breaking the silence. “Please don’t be mad.” She whispered.
“I’m not mad.” I said, pulling into our favorite seafood restaurant where we were seated right away.
“You’re super quiet.” She replied. “That either means mad or sad.”
I shook my head and ordered a bottle of wine when the waiter stopped by before I looked at her. “A lot would change Lila.” First of all, no more wine for her. HAving a baby brought you to make big and small changes, a lot of them.
“I know. But change for the better I think. Besides plenty of women have families and careers. It’s not like I have a boss that won’t let me take time for my kids when we decide to have them.” She laughed. “This would make me happy. I mean as long as you’re not expecting me to be one of those helicopter mothers who breast feed until they’re 6 and don’t let them eat gluten. I love gluten.”
I laughed at her nonsense and shook my head as the wine came.
"I'd expect from you nothing but being a normal amazing mom." I told her softly as I reached for my glass of wine, taking a sip. Damn. This wasn't going like I thought it would, not at all.
"Tell me what you're thinking Trav, if there's anything I hate more than having you yell at me is having you all quiet." She said as she stared at me with a small hopeful smile of her pink lips.
"I guess I wasn't ready for this." I breathed out, reaching for her hand from across the table and brushing my thumb against her palm.
Her smile faltered. "I thought you were ready to have a baby, I don't understand." She whispered, her voice small.
I squeezed her hand to get her full attention, my eyes into hers. "I mean I wasn't ready for you being ready." I paused, gathering my thoughts. "I spent all this time convincing myself you wouldn't be ready, talking myself out of this crazy idea of having a baby for your own good and now here you are, telling me you're ready instead."
"I just needed some time to figure things out." She said a little hesitatingly, "It's a big deal Trav and as much as I knew I was wrong laughing in your face I also know it was wrong the way you brought the subject up."
"I hope you're not expecting me to admit I was wrong." I raised a brow and offered a teasing smile, a offer of peace too.
She chuckled lightly, in that moment making me imagine a tiny version of her chuckling in the same way. My chest tightened. I was allowed to indulge in that kind of fantasy again. "I wasn't expecting you to talk with Kolton yet you did. You're the man of many surprises Mr Cole."
"Just like you're the only woman in the whole world who surprises me always and knock me off balance." I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles.
"We're doing well, aren't we? Talking without arguing." She smiled wider, her cheeks turning pink, that exact shade they did every time she was happy.
"I guess it's a good sign since we're planning on becoming parents." I told her back and my smile mirrored hers.
She let out a breath. "So...are we?"
I nodded. "If it's what you really want. If you need more time I'll give it to you. I'll give you everything you want baby." I said honestly because if the accident had taught me something that was how far I was willing to go for her.
She shook her head as she bit down on her lip. "I don't need time. I just need you and a bunch of blond babies."
I let out a small laugh, the thought overwhelming. So this was happening. We were going to try. I couldn't be happier. "God, we're crazy Lil."
“Maybe you are. I’ve thought about it a lot.” Lila smirked.
I laughed. “Apparently.”
“Its good news too because I’m wearing some super slutty lingerie under this dress.” She added watching me.
I gave her a smile. “Really?” I questioned, she nodded and sipped her wine. “You know you’ll have to stop drinking.” I pointed out.
She nodded. “That is a bummer. Hopefully the baby will be worth it. Plus side is I’ll get to eat for two.”
I laughed. “Slow down Lil you’re not knocked up yet.”
She raised her glass. “Good point. We should get a refill.”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I-“ I started, swallowing before I continued, feeling like I didn’t really have the words. “I didn’t know I’d get to have this.” I said finally and I knew she'd understand what I meant. A life with no Lila was a life I didn't want to have and the accident had reminded me that.
“Me either.” She admitted softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life and fuck how cheesy that sounds.”
I leaned in to kiss her and she lingered against my lips. “How do you feel about our child being conceived in a restaurant bathroom?” She questioned, not really kidding.
I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. I mean I’m not against it, but I’m going to feed you first because you’re going to need the energy.”
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