you take me the way i am

you take me the way i am by ssaarah

I kicked off my heels, uncharacteristically leaving them strewn in the entry way before falling into my couch and letting my eyes shut. I'd had a shoot today, plus a test at school, followed by a fitting for a runway show this weekend. I was exhausted...then again I wasn't sleeping much either. Tristan and I had agreed to take things slow, one step at a time and I was happy. Then again I was getting laid by a sex god. Seriously, the man could fuck like no one I'd ever met. The only difference between that and every other guy I'd been with? After we were done we'd stay wrapped up in each others arms, talking about our day, or our families or anything really. Or I did. He mostly just listened. He was a really good listener. I'd never just talked to a man like that before. Ever. Except maybe Ben and that didn't count. I checked the clock on my wall and sighed. I had thought I would be home an hour before I was and I had told Tristan he could come over for dinner right about-there was the knock at the door now.

i'm always there with you

i'm always there with you by ssaarah

"Can we please!?" Gabe asked, jumping up and down and looking like the super cutie he was.
"Please was the magic word little man." Cami grinned. "Let's go pick up dessert for everyone what do you say?"

i need you darling come on set the tone

i need you darling come on set the tone by ssaarah 

I heard a knock at the door and my stomach did flips. Tristan was here. I checked the timer on the oven that the lasagna was cooking in and then made sure the soup was still simmering before running a hand through my hair and walking to my door to open it.
"Hey." Tristan grinned and I bit down on my lip as I shamelessly checked him out. Usually I saw him in suits, business attire and yes, he looked sexy in them but this Tristan was wrapped up in a cashmere sweater and dark jeans...I was pretty sure I was drooling.

there are certain people you just keep coming back to

there are certain people you just keep coming back to by ssaarah 

i could sing about how love is a losing battle

i could sing about how love is a losing battle by ssaarah 

Dominic stopped in front of my apartment and grinned a sweet smile that showed off the dimples in his cheeks. He was adorable and totally hot. Not really my type but gorgeous nonetheless.

sing of what's lost to you

sing of what's lost to you by ssaarah 

i'm proud to say, i got you

i'm proud to say, i got you by ssaarah

*Flashback*

"Did you know you can't drink in America until you're 21?" I asked Ben as I downed my third shot.
"How did you ever survive it?" He smirked rolling his eyes. I winced as I thought of my time in New York and pushed it out of my mind with another shot.
"I know right? 3 more!!"
"You're unstoppable." Ben shook his head as he sipped his beer and Cami pouted at both of us.

deep down I know this never works, but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

deep down i know this never works, but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt by ssaarah 

I crossed and then recrossed my legs. I wanted to look sexy...but not like I was trying too hard. I looked down at my lingerie and laughed at that thought. A woman who got naked and waiting for a man in his office? Totally trying too hard. But I was a woman of action and if I wanted any more from Tristan? I was going to have to go for it. My body shivered in anticipation as I heard a key in the lock and then.

Oh my god.

He was with a woman
Fuck.

you can count on me like 1, 2, 3

you can count on me like 1, 2, 3 by ssaarah

 

"Hey!!" Cami sat down next to me on the bench and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "How's my baby?" I nodded towards Gabe, who was telling a girl a little younger than him how to properly swing on a swing.



"He's flirting." I smirked at how cute they both were, how big the girls eyes were when she looked at him. It reminded me of Cami and Ben as kids honestly.



"Just like his father that one." She laughed and I eyed her, but didn't say anything about my suspicions with her and my brother. Who still wasn't talking to me, the stubborn jerk.

i tried to be someone else but nothing seemed to change

I knocked on the door to Cami's place, feeling restless and eager to talk to my friend but when the door opened it wasn't Cami at all. It was Ben. In a towel. I widened my eyes at the same time he did.

"Chloe!" I smiled softly and tilted my head to the side.

"I could have sworn I went to Cami's....." I trailed off, looking behind him. "Yeah, this is Cami's place for sure."

"She's um, she took Gabe to mom and dad's for the day she should be back..." he trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

i dont have the strength to resist or control you

i dont have the strength to resist or control you by ssaarah

I rushed into the restaurant, almost tripping over 5 people before I got to where Tristan was seated.

"Me being late probably isn't changing your opinion of me is it?" I winced and Tristan gave me a look.

"Depends why you were late."

"Oh you know, drugs and sex." I tried to keep a straight face but Tristain laughed.

"Your hair still looks like it was done for a shoot...your makeup too for that matter." I laughed.

"You caught me." I grinned. "Am I forgiven?"

"Hey anything that makes BMM money is good for me." he shrugged and I relaxed against the booth.

"I love this place." I grinned.

"Really? I figured it'd be too five minutes ago for you." he grinned and his eyes sparkled which made my stomach flip. When was the last time that had happened to me?

"I'm not that shallow." I pulled my too curled hair to one side and wondered what he really thought this was. A dinner between collegues? Friends? Was it a date? But no....that wasn't his style anyways.

"Good to know." The waiter came up to us at that point, sputtering and beaming when he realized who I was. After I let him take a photo, he took my martini order and then left us alone again.

"Doesn't that get old?"

"Honestly? Yeah. But it's not old for him. I think about how I'd be if I met someone who was to me what I am to any of my fans...honestly I'd probably be worse."

"Oh? Who would that be for you?" he grinned and I shrugged.

"Kate Middleton, Michele Obama, and Dr. Phil." Tristan choked on his drink and shook his head.

"Dr. Phil?"

"I was kidding about that one. Plus I've actually already met him." I smirked and Tristian shook his head.

"In therapy?" He teased and I chucked my napkin at him which he caught before setting it back on the table.

"So hows your harem? Any openings?" I asked as the waiter brought my my drink and I sipped it slowly.

"Why are you hoping to apply?" Was he flirting with me? I couldn't tell. It was bizzare I was usually so in tune with men but Tristan was in a whole other category.

"What are the requirements?"

"At least six feet, I like tall women. A big bust, nothing smaller than a C cup," he scrunched his face and pretended to be thinking hard. "A high IQ. I'd eventually like to introduce her to my parents and a family of lawyers is hard to impress." I was so close to throwing my drink in his cocky too sexy for his own good face.

"I'm joking," he cracked a grin, apparently liking teasing me. "Contrary to popular belief? There is no harem." I relaxed, no longer thinking he was actually the biggest asshole on earth.

"So tall women, big boobs? Not your thing then?" He shook his head.

"I appreciate beauty and it comes in all shapes and sizes."

"Yet the shapes and sizes you're around are always perfectly proportioned with flawless skin and long legs," I pointed out, thinking about the one's I'd met.

"I've never dated a model," he retorted.

"Brigitte?" I cocked an eyebrow at her remembering the bitchy redhead who besides being awful, was stunning. Tristan groaned and ran his hands through his hair. I didn't really judge him. He wasn't looking for long term and I was sure she was great in bed. The crazy ones always were right?

"I'm only human and that includes making bad decisions."

"Awww, she might have been rude to me, but I'm sure she had her good qualities." I said politely. "She was beautiful."

"She was." he agreed, licking his lips after sipping his drink and making some seriously x-rated thoughts about his mouth pop up into my head. Then again I told myself I'd been having those thoughts about most good looking men lately. I blamed it on the longest dry spell of my life. I was teetering on 9 months and losing my mind a litte. I couldn't even live vicarously through my friends because they were both sleeping with my family members. "What are you thinking about?" I blinked back into the present and felt my face flush as I swallowed nothing to be able to speak again.

"Just that I hadn't seen Cami in a while and I missed her." I replied, since it was something I thought about a lot and I was kind of thinking about her.

"How did you get there from Brigette?" He questioned and I laughed.

"I was thinking that a lot of women don't really get along with me. I need to keep the ones who do on a tight leash or I'll have no friends." I winked and he gave me a handsome smile that nearly killed me. He was seriously so damn gorgeous it was hard to believe I spent so much time wasted on being angry at him, when I could have just been drooling over him instead.

"I expect a lot of women would be jealous of you." He replied with a shrug. I nodded.

"They don't know any better. I mean the free clothes are nice, but then you have to deal with shit like casting agents and who wants that." I teased him, making him laugh.

"I never knew you had such a witty sense of humor." he commented.

"That's what happens when you judge me by my tabloid photos." I smirked and when the waiter came for our orders I splurged and opted for the steak and potatoes. I was kind of starving. Tristan ordered the same and then turned back to staring at me with an amused expression, almost like he could read my mind and found my thoughts amusing.

"You look stunning tonight," He said softly, making me lose my poker face and stare back at him in shock. That was a pretty serious compliment coming from him. This was feeling more and more like a date.

"Thank you," I smiled and licked my lips as I surveyed him. He was seriously one of the best looking men I'd ever seen in my life. Thank god he was kind of a dick or I'd never get over him. "You don't look so bad.... You're actually very good looking when you smile. It makes you look human and like that broom stick you have shoved up your ass doesn't really hurt."

"I probably deserve that." Tristan laughed.

"What's the deal with you anyways? You're always so tense at work."

"I take my job very serious. I'm a perfectionist. I'll try to loosen up though," he added with a wink.

"What do you do to loosen up?" I asked, smirking as I leaned into the table before realizing how sexual that sounded. Not that I hadn't meant it to. "I mean besides sleeping with 3 beautiful women." I shrugged it off and watched as he grinned a little wider.

"Hang out with my friends, read a good book, sleep in past seven...." He shrugged and I shook my head.

"If it wasn't for the girls you would be kind of boring wouldn't you?" I teased him and he laughed.

"I've told you I was!" he agreed. "Now you listen."

"Can't be boring in bed if women are agreeing to your deal though..." I trailed off, my mouth running away with my thoughts. I licked my lips again and tried not to think about what kind of sexual genius would make strong professional women totally cool with the idea of coming back for more when he had other women on the side.

"I'm not going to go there." He smirked and I groaned a little.

"Probably a good idea." I nodded. "You were never a party boy?" I asked, smirking as I tried to picutre Tristian in a club.

"Not really." He laughed.

"Yeah, I hate parties." I agreed, trying not to laugh, but then thinking how it was really no surprise he was friends with Ben. Both of them were too cocky for their own goods but were really kind people once you got to know them. Ben was never a party guy either, thought that may have had to do with the fact that he'd had a kid. I wondered what would have been different if I had been the Lindsell who got knocked up too early. After all, Ben's life now seemed almost perfect, while mine was a little lost.

"What are you thinking about?" I blinked back at Tristan. "You get this far off look on your face when you're thinking about something too hard." He smirked. "It's cute.

"I was thinking about Ben." I smirked and Tristan rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry I'm not going to tell him that you asked me how good I was in bed." He replied as seriously as he could as my jaw dropped.

"I did not!" I exclaimed while Tristan's face slowly morphed into a wicked grin. "You're screwing with me." I shook my head. "I meant I was thinking about how it's not really a surprise that you guys are friends."

"Why's that?" I shrugged.

"I don't know, you fit well together I guess. Too bad Cami doesn't have a twin, she'd probably be perfect for you too." I joked and Tristain sighed.

"It is too bad Cami doesn't have a twin." He nodded and I found myself feeling slightly jealous at the way his face went all wistful. Damn it.

"Is this a date?" I asked, suddenly, needing to know before the question drove me nuts in my head.

"For someone who claims to be so insecure? You really do keep proving yourself wrong," he replied with a grin. I wasn't sure when I claimed to be so insecure. I thought I was pretty much as confident as the next girl, with my up days and my down ones.

"Is it just me or do you avoid answering everyones questions?"

"Do you want this to be a date?" My god he was impossible.

"I want you to stop deflecting and give me a real answer," I replied and leaned into the table, catching a whiff of his scent as I watched his eyes travel down to my chest and his eyes darken just slightly. "Good answer," I said under my breath, the feeling of his gaze on me making me hot.

"What?"

"If this wasn't a date? You wouldn't be checking me out so much," I shrugged, feeling validated. At least for now.

"Your dress is distracting me." I looked down and realized that leaning in made my tits practically fall out of my dress and I shrugged before looking back up to him.

"You should see me out of it," I said softly, not able to help myself. Then Tristan groaned....oh my god the sound was so sexy. And knowing I'd made it happen? I was getting hotter by the second.

"What happened to you no longer being interested because I'm a lost cause?" He asked, with a slightly strained voice.

"Honestly? The fact that you are the only guy I know who I could say that too and get nothing out? Absolutely no spark of interest from you? I'm a little intrigued..." I trailed off and pulled my hair over to one side as I thought about it. "I do still think you're a lost cause though... I'm just having fun playing with you." And fantasizing about angry sex with you in a multitude of places while I was unfortunatley alone in bed.

"God you're brutal," he leaned back in his seat and let out a breath before calling the waiter over after getting his attention.

"Is everything alright?" His attention was on me and I could feel Tristan's annoyance. I just smiled while he talked.

"We'll be taking our food to go. Can I get the check?" he asked. I rose my brows. This was an interesting turn of events....

"I know you've never been on a date with a model before...but we do actually eat. I don't order steak and potatoes just for show." I teased and he smirked.

"I'll make sure to remember that." he nodded. "If you're starving you can eat it at my place." I widened my eyes.

"I've never been to your place." He gave me an amused look as he handed the server his card.

"I'm aware of that." God was his voice deeper right now? He sounded sexy as hell.

"Where do you live?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound shaky. Was he really coming on to me right now? He wouldn't have asked me to his place if he wasn't right?

"Just a few blocks away actually. Did you drive here?" I shook my head.

"I took the company car from the shoot."

"Great. Can you walk a few blocks in those shoes?" I gave him a look. I could run a marathon in heels. Perks of doing runway for almost ten years. "Sorry stupid question." he grinned as he signed the check, leaving a hell of a tip for a guy who flirted with his date and didn't even finish serving us. Maybe he wasn't such an as.shole after all.

"This is a ritzy neighbourhood." I commented as we passed one set after another of luxury apartments.

"Your parents pay me pretty well." he joked and I smiled before he stopped at the building at the end of the street. It was taller, but older than the other ones. A cute building surrounded by the newer archetecture. It looked like the kind of place I would live.

"I like it." I smiled following him into the elevator and feeling like it was suddenly too small. What was happening right now? I felt...nervous.

"Are you okay?" I looked towards Tristan and nodded.

"Yeah." I assured and he smirked.

"You do know you only want me because you can't have me right?"

"You're the guy who just invited me to go home with him." I replied, feeling more relaxed when we were teasing each other.

"Maybe I'm hoping if I show any intrest you'll get bored." his eyes were glittering with amusment and I chuckled as the elevator doors opened to his floor and I followed him into the last door on the right. He set the food down in the kitchen and started pulling it out as I surveyed the open concept apartment. It was spacious. Nice, but definatley a batchelor pad.

"Only if you fu.ck the same way you kiss." I replied finally, leaning into the counter and shooting him a smirk. He looked back at me, his expression too hard to read before he was taking a few steps closer. Before I knew what was happening his hand was tilting my face up slowly, cupping my head in one hand.

"You don't really know how I kiss." he said softly, his voice definitley deeper this time. I swallowed, my whole body on alert, focused on the place he was touching me. Was I dreaming right now? This wasn't actually happening in real life was it? I mean this was Tristan.

"Then it's too bad we agreed not to kiss tonight." I hoped he didn't realize how breathy I sounded. I couldn't help it. Just one simple touch from him and it was like he turned on a switch inside my body.

"I didn't agree to that." he replied and then he was lowering his mouth to mine. It was like slow motion until our lips touched. It was the softest, sweetest kiss any man had ever given me and then again and again his mouth moved over mine, slowly weakening my entire body. Finally he got tired of teasing and kissed me hard, his hand going to my waist and pulling me flush against him as his tongue teased my lower lip. I moaned without being able to stop myself. I had fantasized about this for years. Literally, and yet when I had? I'd pictured frenzied lust filled kisses, angry kisses. Not this. He was.....god he was a master. I was a goner.

"Tristan." I moaned into his mouth instinctively, sounding needy...and it was because I was. Nothing had ever felt so good as this did. He wasn't a bad kisser. He was the best kisser on earth. Easily. I felt his large hand move slowly down to my backside as he pulled me harder against him and I fought to catch my breath. He kept kissing me senseless before his hand slipped under my dress and was touching my skin. His touch felt like pure fire and I groaned against his mouth.

"Do you always forget to wear underwear on your dates?" he asked, pulling his head back only a couple of inches to smirk down at me.

"I wasn't sure if it was a date or not," I grinned back, biting down on my lower lip as he looked down at me with a heated gaze that made me wetter. I would have given anything to read his thoughts right then but before I could decipher the look on his face he was turning my body around and then sliding his hands slowly up my body before yanking down the zipper that was holding my my dress.

"And now?" he asked, as I wiggled out of the dress and turned around towards him.

"Definitely a date," I replied and wrapped my arms around his neck. Tristan lifted me up effortlessly and set me on the counter, his hands moving up my thighs and pushing them apart. I felt raw, exposed, like I wanted to both run away and also grab and pull him closer. He didn't need the help though. His head dipped and then he was taking my breast into his mouth, sucking one nipple and then the other until they were pebbled hard against his tongue. He looked into my eyes as his thumb slipped between my legs and and he slowly rubbed my clit just enough to make me ache.

"If I take you on another date, are you going to be naked under your dress again?" he grinned, kissing his way to my breast and spoiling me again.

"Is that what you want?" I breathed out, trying to regain normal thought. Tristan nodded and I groaned as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly while his eyes ran over me hungrily.

"Touch yourself," he ordered, shrugging out of his shirt and revealing what was, quite simply, pure male perfection. He was fucking flawless and I wanted to run my tongue over every chisled muscle on his perfect frame.

"What makes you think I'll do what you ask?" I grinned at him when I finally tore my eyes away from his body and moved my hand between my legs slowly, whimpering while I rubbed a slow circle around my clit and then pushed a finger inside, finding myself soaking wet. Tristan groaned....loud and it spured me on, that sound would be something I thought about every time I did this....whether he was here to watch me or not. He put his hands back on my thighs and spread my legs to keep watching me. The feeling of being the center of this kind of attention had me almost coming.

"You're doing what I asked," he set his hand on my wrist and stopped me, lifting my fingers to his mouth and slowly sucking on them. I was no stranger to sex, even to good sex, but this....this epic sexiness.....was new territory for me. Tristan Williams? Was a new kind of hot.

"I think I'd do anything you asked me to do right now..." I admitted and I watched as he lowered his head. Oh my god he was going to go down on me right now. His tongue licked up my thighs to my pussy, running flat up and then slipping inside of me, feeling better than anything ever had. Ever. "Fu.ck." His eyes were still watching me, making the experience almost too intense and I closed my eyes, swearing and mumbling incoherently when he started nibbling on my clit.

"When you do that..." he trailed off, and I had no idea what he meant but also couldn't begin to care when he sucked me into his mouth.

"Is this really happening?" I moaned, tangling my fingers in his hair as he chuckled and the vibrations made me jerk against him, before he slid two fingers back inside of me, catapulting me headfirst into an orgasm so intense I didn't even know what I was saying as I came. His name, broken english and french curses as my body was overtaken by intense pleasure.

"Did that feel like it really happened?" Tristan murmered against my thighs as he placed soft kisses against them and I watched him. If I thought he was gorgeous before? It was nothing compared to him half naked, kissing in between my legs like I was the best thing he'd ever tasted. I just nodded, awestruck, watching his lips turn into a wicked smirk that made me groan and almost start panting. I was having an inner dillemma. The good rational Chloe said that sleeping with Tristan on the first.....date? Well it wouldn't exactly prove I was a different girl from the hot mess I used to be. But the bad girl inside of me didn't care, all she wanted was more, more, more.

"Take off your pants." I gasped, the bad girl winning out in the end as I stared at the bulge his erection was creating. My mouth watered as I thought about seeing all of him naked. It was something I had fantasized about of course....but the reality? So far it was a million times better.

"Why dont you take them off?" he challenged and I rose a brow at him before hopping off the counter and reaching for his belt.

"You've thought about this before...." I whispered, leaning in to kiss his neck, tasting his skin, inhaling how good he smelled.

"Chloe..." Tristan trailed off in a warning that made me pull back.

"Really not going to tell me? Fine. I'll give you something to think about." I pushed down his pants and boxers at the same time as I got on my knees. I was not prepared. He was....wow.

"I've thought about this..." he admitted horsely and I pulled my eyes away from his dick regretfully to look up at him.

"Yeah?" I asked softly, a smirk forming on my lips. He nodded as I wrapped a hand around him tightly and he made that sound again, that gutteral groan that killed me. I kept my eyes locked on his as I slowly started licking him over and over, swirling my tongue, sucking him into my mouth lightly before pulling away. God his dic.k was literally perfect. I could do this all night easy.....I moaned and took him to the back of my throat, tilting my head up to take as much as I could and pumping what was left with my hand. That's when I felt his hands reaching into my hair, taking it out of the few pins holding it up until it was falling down my shoulders and he was tangling his fingers into it while he kept making the sexiest sounds I'd ever heard come out of a man.

"This view is the only thing I'm going to think about for the next few days...." his voice did things to me as it was....but those words? Ugh. I hummed lightly against him before looking up at his face and seeing his eyes shut tight.

"Why aren't you watching me then?" I asked softly, pulling away only to speak before taking him back into my mouth deep while my hand moved to his balls. His eyes were immediatley back on mine and full of such raw wicked heat I almost came again without even a touch. "Cum for me... I want to taste you..." I moaned, licking him over and over.

"Ugh," he groaned, and I could feel him holding back. I smirked, taking him into my mouth, slowly sucking in another inch....then another. He tensed when I'd taken him all and came, hard and fast, I struggled to swallow all of him and the fact that he came so hard for me made me moan as I licked him clean. I pulled back and licked my lips but before I could say anything....like how watching him cum was better than coming myself, he'd scooped me up into his arms and my legs wrapped around his waist instantly.

"You taste so good... I could do that all night," I whispered feeling something in him shift before he turned and pressed me hard and fast up against the wall.

"If you keep saying things like that Chloe..." he trailed off, staring into my eyes before he was pushing his dick into me. My head fell back enjoying th sensations before he thrust hard and deep and I screamed. Fuck he was so big. It hurt, but in the most delicious way and when he did again my moans filled the room.

"Tristan!!" I wrapped my legs tighter around him, keeping him deep inside of me while I struggled to get a breath.

"God you're gripping me so tight...." he growled into my neck, his hands on me digging in hard as I messed up his hair with my fingers.

"It's been a while." I breathed out, getting used to him and how fu.cking unbelivable he felt. If I thought his dic.k was perfect before? It was nothing to how it felt inside of me. Almost too big...but just right. Perfect. Like he was made to be inside of me. I squeezed my muscles around him to feel him harden further and he let out a gutteral groan and pulled back only to thrust in even harder than before. I screamed again and he pulled back to look into my eyes.

"What are you doing to me?" He groaned before he kissed me fiercly. This was what I had wanted for years, and yet it was so much more than I ever imagined. It was like we were both struggling to get more even when we didn't know if there was more to get. Tristans mouth moved across my jaw and to my neck, biting and nipping hard enough to sting and then fade into pleasure that made me shiver. Then his lips were on my breast, sucking my nipp.les into his mouth one after the other as his hips found a rhythm that I matched and was slowly driving me crazy. I was gripping at him anyway I could get, his back, his shoulders, his hair and I was fastly approaching insanity with how good this was.

"Oh god don't stop this....don't ever fu.cking stop this...." I begged, my head falling back as I focused on all the sensations. The feeling of his lips and teeth on my body, his hands holding me tight, the wall banging against my back every time his thick co.ck pushed inside of me again. Tristan groaned and slapped his hand against the wall for more support as I tightened around him. He sped up, fucking me hard and deep and so good....so so so goood.....

"God," I heard him choke out in a barely constrained voice. But I didn't want him to hold back. I had seen the Tristan that was perfectly composed, perfectly good at everything he did, especially turning me down. I liked this version so much better. I looked into his eyes as his free hand moved from the wall to my clit, the sensations overwhelming.

"Yes!!! Oh my god, yes!!" I replied, my eyes boring into his while he rubbed me and fucked me and stared at me as if I was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. I vaugle heard other words leave my mouth but I couldn't of told you what I said...or maybe he had said something....who cared when I was this close to...

"Cum for me," Tristan said against my neck before biting down on it hard, pushing me farther over the edge.

"Fu.ck...." I was almost there....just a little more.....Tristan sped up again and his mouth sucked on my neck just as I exploded against him, feeling like I was in a million different pieces and then coming back together as spasms wracked my body. Tristan was groaning my name into my neck as he came just after me, with me, both of us rocking into our orgasms for as long as we could ride them out.

"That was much better than I ever expected..." he trailed off with his lips still against my neck once we finished.

"Oh were you expecting it to be bad!?" I asked and he pulled back, his eyes wide and worried.

"What? No...I" I started laughing and he glared at me, his face slowly turning up into a smirk.

"I'm kidding." I bit down on my lip and leaned in to press a kiss against his lips. He groaned and cupped my face in his hands and deepened it, making me melt into his hard body.

"Tristan..." I whispered against his mouth.

"Mmm."

"I do have some really bad news for you." he pulled back and smirked.

"Oh?" I nodded.

"I'm not bored yet." I grinned wickedly and he laughed, pulling out of me with a groan that matched my own and letting me slide down the wall. My legs gave out a little as I stood and he caught me, rolling me onto the floor beneath him.

"I'm sure I can bore you eventually." he grinned, his hair rumpled and god he smelled so good.

"So do models live up to the hype or no?" I teased, wondering if he even realized that he was breaking his rule with me....or if he didn't care. Tristan made a serious face as he fake thought about it.

"Well that's still debatable." I felt my mouth fell open as I rolled my eyes.

"You're lying..."

"Care to help me make up my mind?" he asked and extended mhis hand, helping me stand on my jelly-like legs but before I was even halfway up he threw me over his shoulder and led me down the hall. I was seeing a totally other side of this man....and I liked both of them.

"How can I be of service?" I joked back, laying on her back after he'd basically tossed me onto his bed like a caveman.

"Most of my thoughts about you include you riding me..." he admitted, making me shiver and my body react obviously. I reached for his neck to pull him down and push him back before straddling his perfect body. This was a damn good view....

"Well I'd hate to disappoint." Tristan's hands cupped my ass as I took him back inside of me, inch by inch, slowly taking him and feeling how deep he felt this way....oh god it felt so good.

"My mind is definitely made up." he groaned and I grinned as I splayed my palms against his broad chest and leaned forward to kiss him. I loved kissing him. Almost as much as I loved fucking him.

"No more talking."

 

 

 

so you wanna play with magic

so you wanna play with magic by ssaarah

 

"You told Ben I kissed you?" I glared at Tristan from the doorway. "Holy shi.t this is a big office."

"Hello." He looked up from his desk and gave me a look that was somewhere between tired and frustrated. I walked in and shut the door behind me.

"Congrats on the promotion, but seriously you couldn't have kept your mouth shut about an innocent little kiss?" Tristan leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair.

we both know our own limitations

we both know our own limitations by ssaarah

I was pouting. And I really, really wanted to get wasted off my as.s and forget all about the fact that my best friend was gone, my boyfriend had dumped me without even really saying anything and I didn’t even have my cutie nephew to cheer me up. But I knew better. I was no longer that hot mess. I could deal with my own emotions. Or I could at least eat them away. Hence the bakery. I was sitting at the outdoor table with a flavored latte and chocolate croissant when I heard a voice.

got to be true to myself

got to be true to myself by ssaarah 

“Chloe?” I stopped my lunges and looked up to see Tristan looking at me funny.

“Yes?” I replied, wiping the sweat from my forehead and smiling at him.

“You look. Different.” I laughed.

“Yeah I'm at the gym genius.” I replied. “Why are you at my gym anyways? Do you miss my brother that much already?” I teased him and he narrowed his eyes.

“Why is it that you wear the tightest smallest dresses in public but here you wear that?” I looked down at my baggy tank and shorts and shrugged.

“I'm at the gym, who cares what I look like?” just then a girl walked by us in a tight sports bra and leggings that could have been painted on her. Point made. I made a face as Tristan watched her ass and then looked back at me. “If you want to go after her you can, do you have an application with you?” He blinked at me.

“An application?”

chemical party lover down

chemical party lover down by ssaarah 

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing….somewhere. I opened my eyes and instantly regretted it since the sun was pouring through my bedroom window. Only this wasn’t my bedroom. I rubbed my eyes and stood up, looking around the messy room for my phone which I found under my panties. Huh.

“Yeah?” I answered without even reading who it was.

“Where the fu.ck are you?” …..Ben. I looked around the room then back to the bed where a seriously good looking man was waking up and grinning at me. Well at least I had good taste.

“I'm not sure.” I admitted my head pounding.

i'm keeping myself together, cause you keep me from falling apart.

i'm keeping myself together, cause you keep me from falling apart. by ssaarah

I moved into my last yoga pose my tv guide was instructing when I heard someone knocking on my door. I came out of the spare bedroom and walked to the door, peeking in the peephole and saw my mother.

“Hi baby.” She grinned and leaned into kiss my cheek and handed me a basket of chocolate croissants. “Are you hungry?” I looked down and then back at my mom.

“You come over unannounced bringing carbs?” I asked, a smirk tugging at my lips as she shrugged.

“Sometimes I must take drastic measures to spend time with my children.” She grinned and looked at me.  “Are you going to let me in or just stand there?” I stepped aside and let her walk in following her into the kitchen and placing the food on the table.

“You’re being silly mom.”

i just think we should stay stuck in the moment today

i just think we should stay stuck in the moment today by ssaarah

“Hey Chloe.” I turned and smiled at  Noah, Cami’s younger brother.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, grinning at him. He rose a brow.

“When you’re done with finals and you have an invitation to an event where there’s going to be models everywhere? You go to it.” I laughed.

“How were finals?” I asked, knowing he was in med school and how proud his family was of him. He shrugged.

“No biggie.” I just shook my head.

“You’re cute and smart. How would any model resist you?” He looked back at me and grinned slowly, reminding me of how Cami had said he was still crushing on me.

if you fall for me, i'm not easy to please

if you fall for me, i'm not easy to please by ssaarah 

“Where the hell is the other model?” I heard Tristan’s deep voice as I walked past hair and makeup.

“She was here 30 minutes early, we finished her and sent her to wardrobe.” I peeked into the room and smirked. I should have felt insulted that Tristan thought I’d be even a minute late but I was more excited by the look on his face when he found out the opposite instead.

“They weren’t ready for me yet.” I chipped in making sure to tie my robe over my lingerie a second after Tristan looked over hoping for even a tiny reaction….but no. “Who am I shooting with?”

and we can live like this forever it's fine by me

and we can live like this forever it's fine by me by ssaarah

I sighed as I finished the last chapter of my trashy romance novel, epically cheesy but that was honestly just the way I liked it. I had traded in my Cinderella stories for steamy romances but the gist was still the same.

“Finish another one?” Cami asked, smirking at me as I set the book down. I shrugged.

“I'm a fast reader.” Ben had asked Cami to stay with me today, as nice as it was to not have my secret held inside he was being even more protective than usual. Luckily Cami was the complete opposite, sure she was protective but in a best girlfriend kind of way, not an impatient older brother kind.

“You’re a hopeless romantic who masquerades as a player.” She pointed out seriously. I groaned.

“It’s not my fault if no one wants to have an epic romance with me.” I said in an overly dramatic voice, winking at her. “You know now I had enough drama in the one romance I had.” Cami winced but pushed past it. Originally? She had been hurt I hadn’t told her, hurt that she couldn’t have helped me. But I think she understood a little more than Ben. Your first love? It’s hard to see his flaws, even if they’re literally hitting you in the face. We hugged, we cried, and I think she knew me better, but she wasn’t going to dwell on it because I couldn’t dwell on it.

“You choose guys who don’t want any romance instead.” She replied, fanning her toenails with a magazine. I tilted my head to the side.

“You know you’re using my face to dry your nail polish?” I asked, and she looked down at a Benetton ad I had done earlier this year.

“You’re so useful to me.” She teased. “But don’t change the subject.” I shrugged.

“I can’t help it if I'm drawn to bad guys, how do you change that? Look at me now I'm obsessing over the one man who actually hates me.” I sighed. “If only he wasn’t so fucking hot!”

bmm; when you never see the light its hard to know which one of us is caving

bmm; when you never see the light its hard to know which one of us is caving by ssaarah 

“Beat you again!” I smirked as I turned around, running in place as I watched Ben catch up to me.

“What did you do drink 4 coffee’s before running?” he asked, looking a little out of breath I laughed.

“You’re just mad that I'm faster than you.” I said, running in circles around him. He narrowed his gaze.

“I let you win, now stop doing that, you’re making me dizzy.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me into him where I made a face.

“Eww you’re all sweaty.” I pouted and he handed me a waterbottle.

“So are you.” He grinned. We walked slowly now, heading to the place where we’d get breakfast after our morning run. Something our dad used to do with us and we’d kept up because we were going to run anyways. Might as well make it a brother sister get together.

“Woo! I'm starving.” I admitted, looking across the way towards the café that served good food that was also model approved so I didn’t feel bad eating after my workout.

“Chloe?” A strong male voice boomed out and I looked up and felt ice literally fill my body.

“Sam?” the name caught in my throat as I felt his strong arms wrap around me and I felt frozen.

*flashback*

“I didn’t even do anything!!!” I screamed back at him, annoyed that he was here, annoyed that he was so pissed off and he wasn’t even drunk. Yet.

“Shut up!” Shove. I felt my back hit the chair and I lost my balance, falling to the ground in front of him.

“Don’t you EVER talk to another man like that again!” Kick. My stomach felt tight and I fought the urge to throw up right on the spot. What was happening? It had been bad before, it had been physical even…but not this… “You” another kick to the stomach and this time I dry heaved, lucky I hadn’t eaten anything today. “Stupid!” he pulled my up by my shirt so I was kneeling in front of him, the rage in his eyes indescribable, nothing like the man who told me he loved me. “Bitch!” slap. Right across the face as I fell back again and my head hit the granite of the counter behind me. Then more kicking, not that I could feel it anymore, more yelling, but it was all jumbled….then…nothing.

“present day*

“Damn baby you look amazing! What has it been? 5 years?” I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. I felt like I was going to throw up. All I could hear was his yelling at me, all I could feel was his foot hitting my stomach over and over. “What are you speechless?” he smirked and I swallowed thickly, determined not to be such a pus.sy. For god’s sake Ben was standing right next to me. I had to be strong.

“Yes. What….” I swallowed again and choked out the words. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you….It was the biggest mistake of my life letting you go….” He pulled me into his arms again and I knew I was going to be sick. “I'm so glad I found you.” He whispered into my ear, making my whole body go ice cold before he pulled away. “I'm Sam Shaw.” He said turning to my brother as I tried not to let out the tears threatening to take over my face. I needed to get out of here, I needed to be away, to be in a cold shower and wash the feel, the smell of him off of my skin.  I watched blankly as Ben shook his hand, giving him a usual cold glare.

"Your name doesn't ring a bell." he said flatly, never one to be impressed with any of the men I’d been with.

“I was trying to be polite." Sam said eventually.

"I'm Benjamin Lindsell." My paused, staring at him to give him time to process his words before he could explain it myself, "Chloe's brother." Sam’s jaw tensed and I swallowed, moving back a step as his hands balled into fists but then he just stuck them in his pockets.

"I've heard about you." Ben raised one eyebrow and glanced at me, looking for an explanation, but I wasn’t even sure I could speak right now….I was trying to get up the courage to walk away but it was taking a lot out of me.

"How come?"

"I was her boyfriend." And then he was looking at me, his eyes boring into mine. "I wish I still was." I didn’t even know I had reached out for Ben until he flexed against me. Walk away. Get out of there. GO! I was screaming in my head.  

“It's been nice seeing you, but we're in a hurry so yeah." I forced out hurriedly.

"Can I call you? Do you always have the same number?" He asked, taking a step towards me and making me jump. I wanted to scream how DARE he talk to me again after what he did?! Ben seemed to sense my discomfort and glared at Sam.

"We really have to go." he said coldly, not giving him time to say something back and walking away instead, almost dragging me to the other side of the street, looking down at me with worry. "Chloe?"

“What?” I snapped at him, so upset with myself. I had put this behind me, I had moved on, moved out and gotten over it so why did I still feel like I might break down at any second?

“What’s wrong?” his eyes were glazed over with actual concern, not the usual semi-annoyance that generally coated my brother’s face when he had run into one of my guys. “Why did he say he was your boyfriend?” he asked, his brow raised.

“He was.” I said simply, walking straight towards the café and trying to think of nothing.

“You don’t have boyfriends.” I turned to him.

“You don’t know everything about me Benjamin. “ I snapped again and he blinked, looking speechless for a second. I don’t think I’d ever used his full name before.

“Apparently.” He said under his breath, usually by now he’d get annoyed with me and change subjects. But this time he didn’t say anything. And that’s when I had silence to focus on what just happened. Sam was here. In my city. I could see him again. Which meant he could see me again. Which meant he could hurt me again.

“Chloe!” Ben stood in front of me with wide-eyed concern and forced me to stop. “You’re crying.” I blinked. I hadn’t realized the tears silently falling down my face. I hardly ever cried. I found the act useless. It only made things worse to feel bad about them. But right now? All I wanted to do was cuddle up into my bed and cry for the rest of the week.

“I'm sorry.” I whispered, so much more meaning inside of it than just the sorry for having him witness my weakness in public. I was sorry I was crying, I was sorry I was weak, and I was sorry I was one of those stupid statistics that let their boyfriend beat them up. I hated that about myself. I hated him for it sure, but I think I hated me more. I should have known better. I shouldn’t have stayed and let him almost kill me. I shouldn’t have been so stupid.

“Chlo….” Ben pulled me into his arms and pressed a kiss against my forehead. “What is going on?” he whispered as I silently sobbed into his shirt, not caring much that he was sweaty and gross anymore.

“I want to go home.” I whispered feeling him pull me towards the street and hail a cab.

“I’ll take you home Chlo but you got to tell me whats up….you’re scaring me.” I shook my head as I sat in the back seat. Ben pulled me into him again, always knowing when to actually comfort…I guess that came with being a father.

“Trust me. You don’t want to know.” Ben squeezed me a little, looking down and giving me a soft smile, looking a little lost and I didn’t blame him, I'm sure he’d never seen me act like this. I felt like I was going crazy.

"Trust me, I do want to know." He said quietly. I shook my head again, sliding my arm around Ben’s waist as I hid against his chest like I’d do as a little girl when we’d watch a scary movie. But this wasn’t fake. It was very real and the fear was much more intense.

"No Ben no." I breathed out, stubborn like I always was.

"Please Chlo, you're making me worry." I felt him press a kiss against the top of my head and run his hand up and down my arm softly.  "It can't be that bad, right?" I pulled my head back to look at him, holding my breath.

"It is instead." I felt myself explode into another sob, tears streaming down my face…..god I was pathetic.

"You need to tell me. I can't help you if I don't know what this is about."

"If I tell you you'll get mad."

"Oh baby I won't. I promise I won't, I just want to help you here okay?" h was trying to reassure me, but I knew my brother. I knew better. I took a few deep breaths, pulling away from him when the cab stopped and I glanced out the window.

"This is your home, not mine." I pointed out weakly.

"You don't think I'd leave you alone right?" he raised one eyebrow at her, paying the driver in the process before opening the door and dragging me out again as I practically bit through my bottom lip, letting Ben lead me into his apartment. "Do you want to take a shower first?" he asked in a gentle voice, guessing that maybe she needed more time before telling me. She was going to tell me. My eyes shot up in his direction, widening a little as I thought of something,

"You don't have Gabe today right?" Ben shook his head and I breathed out a relief. I was supposed to be a role model for him, he couldn’t see me this pathetic weak girl I was after just SEEING a boy who hurt me.

“Thank god." I added under my breath and walked to Ben’s couch, slumping down and bringing my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I felt Ben’s eyes on me. He finally joined me on the couch, pushing my hair off my face and drying my tears with his thumb,

"I'm listening, if you want…”

“Ben…” I whispered, shaking my head and looking at the ground. “I fucked up.” He lifted my chin with his finger and shook his head.

“You know I'm not good at patience baby girl, you have to work with me here.” He whispered, the pain in his eyes evident. I swallowed.

“I went to New York for my last year of high school.” He nodded.

“Yes I know, I visited you.”

“I met Sam about a month after I moved there.” I felt like I was going to choke and I blinked at my brother. “I need some water.” He nodded and went into the kitchen and walked back as I thought what I really needed was vodka. I drank it fast and he set his arm around my shoulder.

“Chloe. What happened?” he looked pained, but it was nothing like what he was going to be. I shook my head, running my fingers though my hair and sighing.

“He told me he loved me and I believed him. I believed him because I was 17 and that’s what you do when a man tells you he loves you. You believe him.” Ben’s hand rolled into a fist and I pulled away from him, standing up and pacing. “He loved me and so I loved him back because he was gorgeous and older and nothing like any guy who’d ever paid interest in me before.”

“How much older.” Ben asked through his teeth and I shot him a glare. “I'm not mad at you Chlo…” he said holding his hands up in defense.

“He was 23 when I met him.”

“He had no fucking business telling a 17 year old that he loved her.” He said shaking his head. “he had no business-“

“He had no business beating the shit out of me!!!!” I yelled back at him. Ben blinked. “He had no business telling me that he cared about me and that he’d protect me and then smacking me whenever I wasn’t perfect.” I was sobbing now but I couldn’t stop. “He had no business taking me from my friends, keeping me away from my family, taking my virginity, my heart….and then turning around and kicking me until….until I passed out.”

“Chloe.” Bens eyes were wide and he swallowed. “How….” He shook his head. “You…”

“I left him. He went too far that night and I flew back home until the bruises were gone and my ribs had healed and I hid in my apartment and drank myself to sleep every night.” I swallowed. “I'm awful. I know. Only an awful girl would live with that and not leave sooner.” Ben set his elbows on his knees and ran his hands thought his hair, staring at the floor. The only thing I could hear was my breathing, which I couldn’t stop since if not I was afraid I wouldn’t breathe at all.

"Chloe." he started, looking back up at me and noticing that I had started to hold my breath. Fuck, he reached out his hand and pulled me into him. "Don't ever say that again." he started while I sat back next to him, "You're not awful-"

"You always say that I am." I pointed out and I was. I knew that.

"I don't mean it, ever, you're a good person baby girl and I'm so sorry that this happened to you." Ben paused to swallow, pushing my hair off my face, "I wish I could take all your pain away, I'd bear it for you if I could."

"I...I didn't know why I believed him Ben. I hate myself for believing him and for letting him do that to me..." I trailed off before sobbing all over again.  I felt relived and yet the tears couldn’t stop. Ben pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me and letting me cry.

"Why didn't you tell me Chloe? I would've done anything...anything to help you. I would've taken care of you, you didn't have to be alone."

"I was ashamed of myself." I admitted, hearing my voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt.

“How could you keep this all for yourself all this time and let it kill you? See why I'm always worried about you? Because I don't want anything bad to happen to you and now it's too late and I swear to god I'm going to kill that a.sshole!!!" I pulled back suddenly,

"Don't scream Ben, please, don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad Chlo, not at you. I just..." he trailed off before hugging me tightly. “Who knew?” I swallowed and pulled back, shaking my head slowly.

“No one.” I said simply. “Except whoever was at the hospital.” Ben slammed his fist hard against the table, making me jump.

“I'm sorry….” He said looking like it was taking a lot to keep his temper in check. I was impressed so far, I had expected so much worse. “You were in the hospital?” I swallowed.

“I had a broken rib, stomach bruises and a concussion.” I said breathing slowly as I spoke. Ben stood up and started pacing.

“I was RIGHT next to him!!” he said shaking his head and making me wonder what exactly he was thinking. “Why didn’t you go to the police Chloe?!” I shook my head.

“And what end up on every tabloid as a victim!? I barely had the guts to go to the doctor!!!! Pressing charges in the US isn’t private, everyone would have known….”

“Fuck.” he shook his head, his face was getting redder as we spoke and I swallowed.

“I lost it Ben. You remember….” Ben looked up, the anger on his face masked over with pain.

“That’s when you started the partying….the guys, the drugs.” I nodded.

“I wanted to forget, and being high or drunk off my ass made me forget…..the guys? Well I figure I gave it up to a guy like him I might as well give it to anyone who wanted it.” I didn’t add that I still pretty much thought that.

“Chloe…..” Ben looked like he didn’t even know where to begin saying his thoughts.

“You saved my life Ben. You didn’t even know but you saved me. When you told me I couldn’t see Gabe unless I got my life together I realized that there were more important things then forgetting about a guy who hurt me. That family was more important.” I ran my hands through my hair. “You protected me without even knowing about it.”

"I could've done so much more Chlo..." he said as he sat down next to me again. I reached for his hand and squeezed it, forcing a small smile,

"You made me feel loved. And made of me an aunt, you gave me something positive to focus on...it was what I needed." Ben cocked his head to the side, looking at me as I saw him let my words soak in.

"But you're not over it." He said carefully. I wasn’t.

"I..." I trailed off, glancing away before looking back at him, "I'm fine." Ben took a deep breath.

"From what I saw earlier? You're not." he paused as I winced, remembering how weak I’d been….how pathetic at just the sight of Sam. "And it's okay baby girl, you went through something really bad and now-"

"He's here again." I finished, my chest tightening. "I don't know if I'm strong enough." I knew I wasn’t in fact.

"You are, more than you know Chlo. Look at what you faced all alone." he said seriously as he cupped my cheek, staring into my eyes. "Plus, now you're with me and you have nothing to be scared about." I threw myself into my brothers arms, so happy to have let the burden on my chest go, happy to have him here, not mad, not upset at me.

"I'm so glad I told you, I feel a little relieved." I admitted.

"You're staying here today and tonight too." He ordered. "We have to figure out what to do with that a.sshole."

“You don’t have to do anything.” I shook my head and Ben glared, though I could feel it wasn’t at me.

“Are you kidding me right now?” he asked, looking at me like I was some sort of crazy person.

“Its different now….He has to know I left for a reason, plus my family is close here, hell I'm a semi-celebrity…..he’s not going to hurt me now.” I said it with authority but even as I did I could feel myself not believing it.

“You said he broke your rib Chloe.” Ben said, his face getting red just as the words came out of his mouth. He was doing so good I didn’t want him to flip out.

“That was years ago.” But I could hear in my voice that just thinking about it brought me back to that night.

“God if I’d known a few hours ago.” He shook his head and I stood up to look him closer in the eye.

“Ben you can’t do anything stupid, you have a Gabe what if you were to get into trouble?” Ben shook his head.

“I have a pretty good lawyer Chlo, not that I’d get into any trouble anyways.” He shook his head. “I'm so sorry….I’m so sorry this happened to you.” He shook his head and pulled me into him again, letting me rest my head on his chest. “You didn’t even tell Cami?” he asked, feeling pained that I went through it by myself. I shook my head.

“She would have told you.” And she would have. “But it’s past Ben and you know now…I feel like a million weights are lifted off my chest.” And then a thought hit me. “Oh god Ben please don’t tell mom and dad.” Ben shook his head.

“Dad could do something about it….” I shook my head again. “Please! It would kill them, it would kill them to know they weren’t there to protect me, they’ll make me go see some crazy psychoanalyst. I don’t want them to know please….” Ben shook his head.

“I don’t think it’s a good thing to keep it in anymore….but I’ll let you tell them whenever you’re ready.” I nodded.

“I'm sorry I never told you.” Ben sighed.

“It must have been a big burden to hold….” I nodded.

“But I'm a big girl, I’ll get over it.” Ben winced.

“You don’t get over something like that….how could you? God you were tiny at 17….how could anyone hurt something so small?” I rose a brow at him.

“Are you saying I'm fat now?!” Ben looked at me and then started laughing, at the sound of his laugh I broke into chuckles too and Ben shook his head.

“There’s my sister.” He said, kissing my forehead, “Come on let’s get you some food fatty.” I stuck my tongue out at him. We might not always get along….siblings never did. But I was lucky because my brother? He was also one of my best friends.