#66

"Babe!" My voice echoed from the bathroom as I mentally went through all the things I had to to today.
She walked into the master bedroom, cup in hand. "I made coffee."
"Where's my grey suit?" I asked, tilting my head out of the bathroom, running a towel over my hair and face.
"Still at the dry cleaners." She replied. "I'm stopping there today after court."
I grumbled. I wasn't feeling particularily optimistic about today, but then again, it was hard to be positive these days. "Damn. Court is at 3 right?"
She nodded, silently trying not to think about that the man who hit her car was standing trial today and Colbie and she had to go tell their side of the story. I knew exactly what she was thinking and that was enough for me to focus completely on her. I had to get dressed first though.
I walked into the bedroom, wrapping the towel around my waist and she bit her lip as I walked to the closet to pick out a different suit.
"When do you have to be at work?" She asked, making me turn to look at her.
"An hour."

She nodded and then held up the stick that told her she was ovulating. Part of me wanted to sigh because I couldn't believe we were doing this, I couldn't believe everything had to be so smart, but eventually I just smirked. "Are you trying to seduce me?" I asked, stalking towards her.
"I mean if you have an extra thirty minutes..." She trailed off, grinning and laughing as I grabbed her and threw her onto the bed.
"For you? Always."

---

I nearly ran into the court room, and I was almost panting too, of course the day I had to be on time every possible s.hit had to went down at work. Then a f.ucking accident on the highway because of course. But I was here now, for Lila, and she was with Jax and Colbie too so at least I knew she had been in good hands do far. Only, after a quick glance, I knew she wasn't fine. I couldn't blame her and I didn't expect anything different to be honest. "Lil?"
She looked up to see me and I cupped her cheek, searching her eyes.
"Hi baby." Lila smiled weakly at me, then sunk her body into mine, hugging me tight and not letting go. "I'm so glad you're here."
I squeezed her in my arms, knowing this was going to be a hard day for both of us but mostly for her. It had taken her weeks to be in a car without freaking out and months to get back in good health. Thank god she was back to her old self now. "I'm sorry I'm late, I got stuck in traffic." I apologized as I kissed the top of her head.
She nodded against my chest, "It's okay, you're not really late." She whispered and didn't move an inch, as if she was hiding. When I unwrapped my arms from her and she was still on me like a monkey I knew she was hiding.
I lifted her chin gently and searched her eyes once again, "Baby, it's going to be fine." I told her softly as I stared at her, giving her an encouraging smile.
"She's being silent since we picked her up." My brother explained and shot me a look. A silent Lila was definitely something to worry about, she was always so chatty.
"We'll be out of here soon, we just have to tell the judge what happened and that's it." Colbie added and it surprised me how confident and relaxed she seemed, but I suspected it was all an act to make her sister feel better.
"I know, but-" Lila cut herself off to take a deep breath, looking pale and pained. "I feel dizzy."
"Let's get out for some fresh air, we still have a few minutes before the trial starts." I told her gently and grabbed her hand to led her outside, getting a nod from my brother and nothing from Lila who just followed my lead without protesting. Once out I cupped her face again and bored my eyes into hers, knowing that was the way we cut ourselves out from the rest of the world. "I promise you it's going to be fine." I told her honestly. I understood why she was reacting like that, but I'd do all I could to make her feel better.
She shook her head as she bit down on her lip. "No. It's not fine." She said back stubbornly.
"Yes it is. You just tell the judge what happened then we're out of here and we can forget all this happened." I told her, pushing her hair behind her ear and keeping her close to me.
"No, we can't forget it. We'll never forget it." She swallowed and looked close to tears, she seemed so upset, so desperate, afraid even, that I wondered if maybe she was overreacting a little. "You don't understand."
"Help me understand baby, and I'll do anything I can to make you feel better." I said back honestly, meaning every single word. I was pretty sure by now that I'd do anything for this girl. Anything.
She hesitated for a moment then she finally spoke. "I went to the doctor this morning, for a fertility test. We've been trying for a while now and I was worried there was something wrong with me since you-"
I cut her off because I couldn't hear her talk like that. "There's nothing wrong with you."
"There is instead!" She said back and her voice creaked, "I might not get pregnant and even if I do it'd be a risky pregnancy and you know why? Because of that stupid accident!"
I played her words in my head quickly. The first feeling I got was anger, I was furious because she was going through this for an asshole. Then I looked at Lila and I knew that right now I had to be there for her, I could be angry another time, probably at my next fight. "Baby." I paused to get her full attention and to use the softest voice I could, "We'll keep trying and trying and trying. We'll see another doctor. And if in the end we still can't have a baby we'll either adopt one or steal Ruby." I said as I tried to make the moment lighter but damn it was hard. It was as if someone had just punched me in the stomach, hard. But what could I do? We had a trial waiting for us in a minute and we couldn't really talk about it now. A flash of a future with no babies for me and Lila came into my mind and my heart ached. I really wanted a baby with her, but maybe it had never been in my destiny. Maybe I was paying for the mistake of my past and I'd never be a father.
"I'm letting you down." She confessed as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Never." I kissed the tear away and hugged her, "You're the love of my life, and we'll find a way to be happy with or without a baby. We'll talk about it after the trial okay?" I asked when I eyes caught my brother coming out for us and motioning to get back inside.
She seemed to recover a little and I wondered if she really was or she was just bottling up. I hoped it was the first one because I didn't want her to break down later. "Okay." She nodded slowly.
"Let's get this done." I kissed her hand before leading her back inside, hoping that my strenght would be enough for both of us.

Lila stared in front of herself as the trial went on, not really looking like she was listening to a word or paying any attention until the video from a security camera was shown. Her car getting rammed into, they showed it three fucking times, over and over again.
I could barely watch it. I couldn't believe what I had risked to lose, what I was risking to lose now too, the thought alone sent me into a blinding rage that, unfortunately, I had no choice but control right now. I moved my eyes to Lila when it was her turn to speak up and I held my breath when I realized she wasn't really there. Her eyes were unfocused and her skin even paler than usual. I would've donw anything to switch places, to save her the pain and the fear she was living again and again.
"Lil." I told her gently.
She blinked up at me, everyone in the room had their eyes on her and she licked her lips as she stood on shaky legs.
"Are you okay?" I asked and she nodded though she wasn't. She wasn't okay. I could see it.
"State your name please."
"Lila Rae Trenton." She sat down in front of the judge.
"You were driving the car correct Miss Trenton?" The judge asked and Lila swallowed and nodded. "I need your words please."
"Sorry. Yes I was driving."
"Were you obeying traffic laws?"
Lil nodded again, before realizing she needed to talk. "Yes. Mer brother is a cop for the SFPD." She replied. "I'm a safe driver. I drive the speed limit. It pisses people off. I was drivng my sister to the hospital to check on her pregnancy. I was being careful. I'm always careful." She said almost automatically, like a robot.
"We know from the camera's that you were going the speed limit." The lawer said, nodding. "Lila did they tell who who hit your car?"
She nodded. "Yes." She winced.
"Is I here in court today?"
She blinked over at the defendants table. The man was dressed in a suit and tie I wanted to strangle him with. She nodded. "Yes."
"Can you point him out?" She pointed to the man in the chair who glared at her as I closed my hands into fists.
"Objection. She didn't see him hit her. She was told after the fact." His lawywer replied.
"He was drunk!" Lila shouted, looking still very pale but more lively.
"Miss Trenton. You received serious injuries in the accident correct?"
"I died. Twice on the table." She said, speaking directly to the man who had ruined our life. "Did you know that? They brought me back to life on the operating table. I was in a coma for THREE DAYS. It was a damn miracle that I woke up at all." She didn't even blink but tears streamed down her face. My heart was breaking for her.
"Miss Trenton."
"Do you even care?" She asked him. "Do you care that you could have killed me? My sister? HER BABY!?"
"Objection!" The idiots lawyer stood up. "She's clearly unstable!"
"Unstable?" My voice came from the audience and it was more than angry. "Unstable?"
"Sir. Sit down."
"This asshole ran a red light after drinking a whole damn bottle of tequila and he's calling my girlfriend unstable?!" I went on, wanting to go and punch him in the face. I shouldv've done that at the hospital.
"Sit down or I will hold you in contempt of court." The judge said sharply.
I glared at her but sat down again. I had no choice, and I didn't want to make things worse.
The man's lawyer stood up and unbuttoned his jacket. "You were driving your sister to the hospital?" He asked.
She nodded, not really looking at him. "Yes."
"So you were distracted? Worried even?"
She shot up this time. "I was worried, it didn't affect my driving. What are you trying to prove exactly? That I could have stopped the accident? That if I was paying more attention I could have saved your client from having a DUI? His third from what I've heard. He could have killed me. He could have killed my sister. It took me MONTHS to get back behind a wheel because I'm terrified another person could make the same mistakes he did. I'm a good person." The tears ran down her face and her whole body started to shake. "I didn't deserve what he did to me.....he doesn't even know what he did to me."
"Enough!" I yelled again, this close to panic because I couldn't see her like this, suffering so much, without me by her side to confort her. "She's had enough."
She started sobbing. Then I knew what was about to happen.
I rushed to Lila as soon as I saw the color drain from her face, the look she was wearing was one I knew well. I barely made it to her before her limp body fell from the chair. Her beautiful face was unnaturally pale and tears strained her cheeks, memories rushed to me. Seeing her like this killed me. "Lil." I breathed out  as I tried to get her awake again. The rest of the room, of the world even, disappeared while worry ate me alive. All this stress was being too bad for my girl and it was clear that she couldn't handle it. It had taken her so long to get back to a good place and now it was all going to shit again. "Someone bring me some damn water!!!" I yelled behind me as I grabbed Lila and carried her to a bench in the courtroom.
Colbs was on us in a second, opening a bottle of water and splashing some on Lilas face. "Lila!!!" She said in a panicked voice.
My brother was lost, I didn't even care where he was because I was completely disconnected. But one thing I heard, from a distance. "She's just making a scene to make me look bad!" The asshole who ruined our life had the balls to say.
It took me less than a second to walk to him like a fury, the rational part of me shut down. I just wanted to shut that son of a bitch's mouth for good. My hands fisted his cheap suit and I lifted him from the floor, shaking him. "Say another thing asshole and I'm going to kill you. I swear to god you'll never be safe again because I'll come for you and end your useless life if you-" Someone jerked me away from that idiot before I could finish my sentence or start punching his face, I turned around ready to argue but when I saw it was a cop I stopped. I could probably get in trouble for this but I didn't care.
"He threatened me!!!" That bastard said to the cop who had already let my arms go.
He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "I didn't hear anything and he hasn't done anything."
"Yet." I muttered under my breath and I didn't know why I was being blessed by a cop who was clearly pretending I wasn't about to hit the asshole.
"The ambulance's here." I heard the judge said and when I turned around Lila was awake but didn't look much in herself.
"I don't want to go back to the hospital! No!!!" She said like a delirious woman.
I went back to her in a heartbeat, taking the decision for her. "She's not going anywhere." I said seriously because I knew that taking her to the hospital would only make things worse.
"I'm going to sue you!!!" The idiot yelled at me as his lawyer brought him out the room and I just smirked at him, daring him.
I took Lil in my arms instead, holding her close but not too close because she needed room to breath. "I'm taking you home baby you don't have to worry about anything. I got you." I told her softy not bothering to check on the judge or anything else, guessing that my brother and Colbie would do that for me.
"I don't want to go to the hospital." She choked out, not even looking at me.
"I know." I kissed her forehead and she relaxed against my arms.
"I hate him." She admitted, tears rolling down her face.
"Me too."

---

Lila sipped the water I had refilled and ran her fingers through her hair. I knew I had to get to talk. She couldn't keep all her thoughts for herself.
"Lila."
"Jax said that asshole is threatening to sue you." She said softly, staring into her cup.
"He can try." I replied, my voice low and almost dangerous.
"You could have gotten into trouble."
I shrugged, rolling up my sleeves. "I could have done worse than I did."
"You should have." Her own voice was barely recognizable as she finally lookd up into my eyes.
"Lil." I sighed when I saw all the pain, the anger, the frustration. As much as it was right for her to feel all that, I knew it wasn't good.
"He deserved worse! He deserves worse than a few years in jail for what he did to me! For what he TOOK from us!"
I kneeled down and cupped her face. "You're right. And I could kill him for what he did but what would that solve?"
She was tearing up again and looked out of control. "Nothing.....I'm so sorry Travis." She buried her head in my neck and inhaled deeply.
I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her getting small in my hold as she sobbed. "Why are you sorry baby?" I asked her quietly, wanting to understand what she was thinking so that I'd know how to help her. Or at least I hoped I could. Women were mysteries always and my girl was no exception but I'd never stop trying.
She shrugged weakly. "Everything." She choked out.
"You did nothing...nothin at all. You have no faults." I told her soothingly, letting her cry against my chest as I dipped my nose into her hair and ran my hand up and down her back. "Shhh baby. It's okay. We'll be okay." I added.
She finally pulled her head back to look at me, her eyes two pools of tears. "Will we? I might not be able to give you what you want..." She trailed off, sounding as desperate as she looked.
"All I want is you." I said back quickly and stared into her eyes. Meaning it.
She broke eye contact to look down, more tears rolling down her pink cheeks. "I feel like I'm disappointing you." She confessed in a barely audible whisper.
I shook my head because her words were cutting me in two. "Never. I don't ever want you to think you could. What is happening doesn't change how much I love you." I picked her in my arms and carried her upstairs, heading to the bathroom where I set her down before starting a bath.
"I love you too." She kept her eyes on me as I slowly removed her clothes, guessing that a bath together could help her relax a little. For once, there was nothing sexual about it. It was all about love, in the purest way. "Do you still want me even if I'm broken?" She asked in a painful voice.
"You're not broken." I said back, almost sounding angry. Even if it was hard for me to wrap my head around the chance that we might not have our own baby what hurt me even more was to see my Lila like this. I could live without a baby, I couldn't without Lila. "You're my everything." I added more softly. I knew I was being cheesy but I'd turn into William fucking Shakespeare for her if that'd help her to make her feel better.
I picked her up and set her in the hot water and she sighed as she let it warm her skin. She didn't add anything else. "Do you need anything?" I asked, desperate to do anything.
"Come in with me." She said softly. She watched as I smiled and kissed her forehead before removing all my clothes.
I slid behind her in the water and curled her into my hard body, running my hands down her hair.
"You're my everything too." She said against my chest.
"We can figure this out Lila." I said with a confidence I was clearly faking. But I had to believe this. I had no choice.
She looked up at him, taking in my eyes. "Do you believe in soul mates?"
I blinked at her and then shrugged. "I don't know."
"I never thought I did. My mother never got remarried. I hardly ever dated. And Jax and Colbie...they never would have even met if it hadn't been for us it's too much of a coincidence. And then I look at my brothers, they're all good men, a little annoying but have great jobs and good looks and they haven't found the one yet. That must mean something right?"
"Maybe." I nodded. "But it's not like it was love at first sight with us." I smirked and ran my hand down her cheek.
She chuckled. That sound. It was like breathing again. "No more like lust." She admitted. "Surprisingly too."
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah yeah you like brunettes."
She shook her head. "I just like you." She replied. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Trav. Even after all the shit we went through...and I know that you love me..... but I can't help but be worried you'll resent what I can't give you."
I let my fingers comb her hair as I stared down at her. "And what is that you can't give me exactly?" I played dumb, not really because I wanted to hear her say it, but because I wanted her to realize that nothing was going to miss into our life.
"A baby." She said back immediately, the two words coming out of her mouth in one quick breath.
"We don't know that for sure." I reminded her quietly and kept running my hands all over her body, caressing her silky skin.
"The doctor said it's very unlikely." She slumped into my hold, setting her head on my shoulder and not looking at me anymore. Never a good sign. Truth was she was so stubborn I was never enough to convince her for anything. She needed to convince herself first.
"Didn't say it's impossible." I retorted because honestly I wouldn't give up so easily. "We could also see other doctors." I added as an afterthought.
She sighed again, even closing her eyes as she swallowed. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
I nodded and wrapped my arms around her, feeling frustrated. "Okay baby." I conceded. Silence fell around us, for a moment I thought she'd fallen asleep in my arms, but then she spoke again.
"You didn't answer me." She whispered.
I tilted her chin, wanting her eyes open and on me. "What was the question again?" I furrowed my brows.
"You'll resent me." She finally opened her eyes. It wasn't even a question, she sounded so sure.
"I won't. It's life baby, there's nothing you and I can do to change it." I paused. I knew from my past how I reacted to this kind of situation, I hadn't resented Karlie for something much worse, I wasn't going to resent Lila for something that wasn't even her fault. "We'll think about the different options we have and we'll adjust."
The way she stared at me showed me she believed me. Thank god. "How can you be so sure?" She asked but looked positively relieved.
I squeezed her in my hold, letting out a breath. "I don't know, but I know that I am."