i want you to stay

i want you to stay by ssaarah

I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot as I ran up the stairs towards Mila's apartment, too impatient for even the elevator. I knocked on her door and heard nothing, so I knocked again. This time I heard someone grumbling before opening the door and widening her eyes.

"Ames? How did you get in here without ringing for me?" I shrugged.

Untitled #1063

Untitled #1063 by ssaarah

"What movie do you want to watch?" Mila asked as she grabbed the remote and I poured us some wine. I shrugged.

"Choose whatever you want." she smiled as I handed her a glass.

"I'll choose something girly." I laughed.

Untitled #1061

Untitled #1061 by ssaarah on Polyvore

 

"You know you’d look good in sweats Milena!" I yelled out.

"It’s our first official date! I want to look good."

"Wow…"

"Good?"

"Better than good… Great." I said standing up.

as long as you're mine we can stand the test of time

as long as you're mine we can stand the test of time by ssaarah

I watched as Chloe downed another shot of tequlia with the ease of drinking water.
"How many is that exactly?" Chloe turned to glare at me.
"It's New Years Eve, I've been playing the good girl for months I deserve to have some fun." I smirked and shook my head.
"Playing the good girl? You?" she shot me an offended look.
"I haven't been in any tabloids, I haven't had more than a couple glasses of wine at a time, and I haven't gotten laid in basically forever. Good girl." 

Untitled #1056

Untitled #1056 by ssaarah 





I listened as Corey and Miles talked about....something. I was a little preoccupied, Chloe had told me Mila was going to be here and I was trying to decide how I felt about it. Also being around Miles was a little weird now that I'd slept with his daughter....not that he knew, but still. The man kind of terrified me.
“Milena!” Corey exclaimed pulling her into a hug while she looked right at me.
“Hi Corey.” she smiled sweetly and then took a deep breath as she walked up to me.
“Hi Ames.” she slowly wrapped her arms around me and I swallowed.
“Hi Mila…” I trailed off, pulling her into me tighter instinctively. She sighed and then pulled away.
“You look great.”
“You too."
“Alright, dinner time!” Harper said as she brought out the rack of lamb that smelt delicious.
“Are you staying the night?” Miles wrappped his arms around Mila and she nodded.
“Yeah, I just left my things in my car, including everybody’s presents.” she grinned and that's when i noticed Gabe playing with a puppy on the floor, his face lit up.
“Presents?” Mila grinned.
“Lots. Especially for a little boy.” Mila winked and Gabe gasped and clapped before taking a seat between Ben and Cami and before I knew it, the only two seats left were together and Mila and I were the only ones standing. Of course.
"When did you get back from New York Milena?" Ava grinned as she placed food on her plate.
"Last week actually. I've been spending this week trying to get back into my routine here." Mila smiled.
"Ames felt that way when he came back from school." She told us, "Must be New York."
"New York is amazing Ava." Harper told my sister. "Snooty French woman." She joked with her making everybody laugh.
"Isn't New York amazing though?" Chloe said with a twinkle in her eyes.
"It was. I worked with Diane Von Furstenburg. It was like working with a legend.”
“I’ve always wondered what it was like on that part of the fashion industry…” Chloe smiled.
“It’s amazing.” Mila smiled dreamily and I almost groaned at how pretty she looked.
“Guess what I learned at school Mommy?” Gabe chimed in, digging into his mashed potatoes.
“What?” Cam smiled.
“You have to kiss under mistletoe.” He grinned at everybody.
“Oh yeah?” She laughed. He nodded quickly,
“Aunt Mila and Uncle Ames were underneath it earlier…” He tried to stifle a giggle as I groaned inwardly, “They didn’t kiss.”
“Well not everybody is supposed to kiss underneath the mistletoe… Only if they love each other.”
“They’re family; they do love each other…”
“I do love Ames…” Mila grinned as she leaned over to place a kiss on mycheek, “See? Kiss.”
Gabe seemed to be satisfied with the answer. I side glanced at her and watched as she sighed in relief. I nudged her gently and smirked.
“It can’t be that bad to really kiss me can it?” I questioned without thinking and watched as he eyes widened and her cheeks flushed.
“Um…” she bit her lip and looked to the ground and I nudged her again.
“Lighten up Mila I’m just kidding.” I smirked even though what I really wanted to do was trace her lips with my thumb and pull her lip from her teeth so she would stop teasing me.
“Oh” she said it softly and gave me a sweet smile. “No, by the way. It wouldn’t be that bad I guess.” She smirked and I found myself grinning as she messed with me.
“Not too bad huh?” I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.” She just shrugged and kept biting her damn lip before she looked up at me with something in her eyes, it looked like….hope.
“Watch it Ames, you kind of sound like you’re flirting with me….and we both know that didn’t work.” She said it casually as if it had been long enough for us to joke about it but I could see the hurt in her eyes. I swallowed and then held her gaze.
“We didn’t not work Milena. We never really got a chance to try.” I forced myself to walk away at that point, heading into the living room and admiring the tree Harper had decorated, the gold and deep red ornaments making the room feel even more classy, and the Schon’s had great taste as it was.
“What did you mean?” I heard Mila’s voice and turned, setting my drink on a table and shrugging.
“You said we didn’t work…..I don’t think that’s necessarily a true statement.” She shook her head.
“We’re not together now. Therefore we didn’t work.” She said it forcefully like she was trying to convince herself as much as me. “And it wasn’t you…..It was my fault and I know it….” I held a finger out to her lips, pulling back when a jolt went through me. Just from touching her….damn it.
“Stop talking, We’re not together now because we were never really together. But I think I can speak for both of us when I say there was absolutely nothing wrong with how we…..worked together.” I said the word with extra meaning and I saw a flash of arousal in Milena’s eyes. I knew she was thinking about our night together just as I was as her skin flushed and her eyes dilated just enough to notice.
“Ames….” She trailed off and I couldn’t help it, I reached out and tilted her head up, looking into her pretty eyes that had captivated me for so many years. Nodded up.
“More mistletoe.” I watched her eyes follow mine to the doorway where indeed, the mistletoe was hanging above us. I moved my hand from her chin to cup her head, tangling my fingers in the back of her hair. “I missed you.” I said it almost in a groan. I knew this was wrong. That no matter how much my body wanted her, my mind would never be able to forgive her for what had happened. But damn it my body was in control now as I pulled her head closer and pressed my lips against hers, her body going flush against mine almost instantly but pulling away far too fast.
“Ames… we can’t.” I blinked through my the fog my mind created when I was kissing her before I could speak again.
“What?”
“I spent the last month focusing on myself, trying to better myself and not let a guy define me… and suddenly I’m with you and I feel like it all went away…”
“I don’t mean to make you feel that way Milena… All I’ve thought about this last month is you…” It was true. I picked up the phone over and over, to call, to text, to find out where she was and who she was with. If she was okay.
“But I did a bad thing. I know that…. It was pretty whore-ish. If I do say so myself.” She forced a smile but her words made my whole body stiffen with anger.
“You’re not a whore.” I replied darkly, my voice lower than usual.
“But I can tell Ames… you’re still not over what I did…I can’t just be in a relationship for the sex. That’s what happened with Callum and got me into this mess to begin with…” she sighed and I felt the same hopelessness I knew she was feeling.
“It’s hard.” I admitted.
“I know… I would be upset too if the tables were turned, but we can’t let what happened between us…” she cleared her throat as she shook her head of the images I’m sure were floating in it….they were floating in mine that was for sure…. “Dictate this relationship. Like I said… I can’t just be a physical thing… I can’t and won’t anymore. I deserve better.” I blinked at her honesty, the passion she had for what she was saying in her eyes and I nodded
“You do deserve better than that.” I agreed “A man should want you for more than your body…..as perfect as it might be.” Mila blushed deep again and looked at the ground.
“Ames…” I laughed and tilted her head back up.
“I’m glad you know what you deserve. I don’t want you to think that’s what I wanted. I wasn’t trying to use you….I just…I couldn’t help it.” She smiled that sweet smile again that reached her eyes even though I still saw some sadness.
“I know.” I shook my head and grabbed her hands.
“No…I don’t think you do. I want you to know that the night we shared….I know I told you I just wanted one night. That was a jackass thing for me to say. Not only that, but the minute I let myself kiss you I knew I wanted more than that. I didn’t just want to fuc.k you Milena. You opened something inside of me that I thought was dead and gone after Odette. It wasn’t just your body I was so attracted to. It was your sweetness, your strength…..everything.”
“Ames please stop talking before I humiliate myself by taking back everything I just said and just begging you.” Her eyes pleaded even though she was giving me the hint of a smile.
“I just needed you to know. What happened between us sucked but I was the one who left you doubting how I felt. I should have told you before we slept together that I had changed my mind…I just wanted you so damn badly.”
“I can’t really blame you for that.” Mila smirked and I groaned, tangling my hands in her hair again.
“God….just one more moment of weakness and I swear I’ll let you walk away.” Now I was the hypocrite as I waited for her silent agreement before kissing her again, taking my time to memorize the feel of her lips, the taste, the way she shivered and then let out a tiny moan as my tongue met hers. I kissed her the way I’d thought about kissing her since the moment I woke up alone in bed and it was so hard to pull back and just kiss her forehead as I looked down into her passion fogged eyes.
“You’re so good at that….” She sighed and I laughed again, thinking how cute she managed to be even while driving me insane with how sexy she was too.
“Must be the mistletoe.” I winked and put a distance between us, letting her make the next move, whatever it would be. I was content to talk alone all night, but I could understand if she wanted to walk away.
“I know I should walk away.” she breathed out, “But god help me I can’t… I almost hate you for this hold you have over me Ames…” My chest tightened at her words but I ignored it.
“I’m sorry…” I said softly as I watched her rake her fingers through her long hair.
“God, I don’t know if I can do this…”
“Do what?”
“Be like this with you… I mean we are always like this; these awkward talks where we’re on the border of being friends and then ripping each other’s clothes off… It hurts Ames. It’s hard to look at you be okay when there’s no chance of anything for us.”
“I’m confused.”
“It’s hard Ames, to act like this… When I want you so bad. I feel like I can’t move on because this relationship is in limbo…”
“Mila…”
“I’m sure you feel like it’s no harm, but I feel like hell inside. I mean I had to leave Europe to get you out of my head…"
“You think it’s been easy for me?” I asked, shocked that she couldn’t read me like a book because I wasn’t good and hiding my emotions with her, no matter how much training I had on it. “I’m not “okay” Mila. Not even a little.”
“You act so…..far away from me….”
“Because you ran away! Again! All you ever do is run away from me, and you see what happens when I let myself get close to you again, I can’t help it! If I was okay, I wouldn’t be pulling you into my arms every chance I got.”
“You could have any girl you wanted Ames…” she replied, looking into my eyes and god I wondered what she was thinking to make her say that.
“I haven’t touched a woman since you Milena.” I said seriously, “I haven’t even been on a date.”
“…..why?” she seemed flabbergasted, and why shouldn’t she, after all she’d managed to have a boyfriend since we happened. I cursed under my breath for thinking that again. It was in the past. It was her way to move on….just because my way was very different didn’t mean it was wrong. Just because I hated the idea of another man touching her didn’t meant she didn’t have every right to move on.
“Because I didn’t want to.” It was true. There hadn’t been a woman who interested me in the least bit for the months that Milena was away.
“I wasn’t with anyone while I was away. Ever.” She said and even though I knew it was none of my business and that I shouldn’t still care, relief flooded through me. I felt possessive of her even though we’d barely spoken in months.
“Thank you for telling me.” I could have played it off, but I was glad. Grateful that I had a little peace of mind where she was concerned.
“But this isn’t helping Ames, if anything it’s just making it worse! I know I had a problem being alone and I need to work on that still, but I’m not going to sacrifice my life waiting for a relationship that may or may not happen with you. You’re worth waiting for Ames but I’m not going to wait forever.”
“You’re wrong.” I said darkly, running my hand through my hair and looking away from her. “I’m not worth waiting for. You’d be waiting around for nothing because you’re right. I’m not ready to get over what happened.”
“You have to find a way to forgive me…..” she whispered, though it was more of a plea as she stepped closer and looked up with such vulnerability that it killed me. I let out a deep sigh.
“I forgive you Mila.” I said it for the first time, and I realized that I did. I did forgive her….there was just one problem….”But I’m never going to forget.”
"I understand that... But I can't go back and change it. It happened and it's a part of me. Nothing I say or do will change it." she swallowed, "By the way... Callum was the last person I slept with... Nothing sexual happened between Liam and I..." I looked up, surprised and relieved for some reason.
"Really?"
"The thought of another man..." she cleared her throat, "Touching me... Made me sick to my stomach, so we didn't. I'm being honest when I say I felt guilty after being with Callum."
"Why him?" I asked slowy, feeling like a pathetic jealous loser but wanting to know anyways.
"Because I was drunk and he was there. I know that doesn't change anything but that is the only excuse I can even think of. I'm the first person to say it was so fucking stupid of me. Just don't define me completely that way." she gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"I couldn't..." I said and pulled her back into my arms again.
"If you don't want me to wait for you..." she choked out, "I won't, but don't expect me to just fall into a relationship with someone else. I was serious about fixing myself and my issues."
“I believe you…”
“Hey, lovebirds.” I heard Chloe’s voice interrupt the two of us. "Your Dad is wondering where you disappeared to and unless you want Christmas to be ruined and a whole scene happening. I would come back.” She grinned.
“Yeah, be right there.” Mila said as she took a deep breath while Chloe walked out and she turned back to me.
“We probably shouldn’t… hang out much Ames. I mean if you can’t forget, you don’t want this relationship then we should maybe try to move on?” she suggested.
“Is that what you want?” I asked slowly.
“In a perfect world Ames, I wouldn’t have done what I did and we’d be in a healthy relationship. Expectations don’t always match reality.” she shrugged, “The ball’s in your court Ames… but I won’t wait forever…” she trailed off as she wrapped her cardigan around her waist as she walked back towards the kitchen.

you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

you're gonna miss me when i'm gone by ssaarah

I was NOT having a good day. Or week. Ever since Milena left me in the middle of the night, and then basically cut off all contact I was on edge. It didn’t help that I had a million and one things to do at work, which usually helped get my mind off things but fuck was it hard to get her out of my mind. I was worried hooking up would be a mistake, but the joke was on me since she was the only one to seem to think it was. Me? I wanted her more every day I didn’t hear from her. Part of me thought that was the Alere trait of wanting what you can’t have….but Ava had that with Corey and she still loved him now. Hell she loved him more every time she saw him and it was obvious to anyone.



“Ames!” I was walking past Corey’s office when I heard him shout out my name. I backtracked and grinned at my brother in law.



“What’s up?” he took off his glasses and looked up at me, gesturing me in. Corey had always been the most father I’d ever had and for some reason I felt like I was about to get lectured for something.



“Where the hell have you been for the last few months?” he shook his head and I blinked.



“What are you talking about?” Corey shrugged, his face more lined then it was when I was a kid but still had the same effect on all the models much to my sisters chagrin. Not that he even noticed anyone but her.



“I'm saying when’s the last time you’ve said more than a hi to me? Or called your sister?” I swallowed. I realized that I had been so fixated on making sure Milena was okay after her breakup that I had even neglected my own family. God that was just so unlike me.



“Shit. I’ve been a little preoccupied….” I shook my head. “I’ll call Ava. I can come over for the family dinner this Sunday too.” Corey nodded, but his face told me there was something he wasn’t saying. “What?”



“Is it Odette?” he just out and said it. “I know you hate hearing it, and I know you think you’re in love with her but she’s bad for you-“ I held up my hand.



“It’s not Odette.” I said seriously.



“If it was you could tell me…” He trailed off and I shook my head. “I just don’t want her back in your life….in our lives…especially around Chloe…” Corey’s face looked pained and I blinked.



“She told you?” Corey nodded.



“I always knew something was wrong. I had hoped it was just a broken heart, maybe a guy cheated on her, something I could live with.” He sighed.



“It’s no one’s fault but the guy who hurt her.” Corey nodded and for a minute he actually looked his age.



“Still. And look I know that’s selfish of me, to keep you from a girl just because she might be a bad influence on my daughter…” I shook my head.



“They were bad for each other at the time.” I sighed. “I just didn’t realize it…But I swear I haven’t even spoken to Odette.” Corey blinked.



“So….” He was waiting for me to spill, I could see that he knew something….not a whole story but that something was going on. I swallowed, running my hand through my hair. I wanted to talk to someone about it. I had to. I needed a second opinion on what the hell to do.



“I slept with Milena.” I said bluntly. We both took a moment to process that information as the words hung in the air. I think I spent so much time ignoring how I felt about her and then that night was so fucking fantastic I almost felt like I made it up.



“Milena Schon?” Corey asked after a minute or two of silence. I nodded.



“Yup.”



“What is it about my family and the Schon girls?!” I widened my eyes at Corey and then started laughing.



“That’s what you’re taking out of this?!” he shook his head.



“So what now?” he asked, ignoring my question and getting back to business, something that he was good at.



“I don’t know. She left in the middle of the night and left a note saying she just wanted to be friends.” Corey winced.



“Ouch…..though that doesn’t sound like her…” I set my head in my hands and shook my head.



“I told her it first. I told her it could only be one night, that I didn’t have anything else to give her.”



“You what?!” Corey took one of those stress balls sitting on his desk and chucked it at me.



“I know I should have just kept my damn hands to myself but I couldn’t resist her anymore.”



“Couldn’t resist who anymore?” I turned to see my sister standing in the door way before coming over to sit on Corey’s lap, kissing him quickly.



“He slept with Milena.”



“Dude!” I shook my head but Ava lit up. Seriously, her whole face got brighter.



“FINALLY!” she clapped and both Corey and I looked at her with shocked expressions. “Oh come on you’ve had a thing for her for years what took you so long get together?” I shook my head.



“We’re not together. She wants to be friends.” Ava pouted but then narrowed her eyes on me.



“Let me guess, you fed her some bullshit about not being able to be enough for her?” I blinked.



“How do you actually know everything?!” Corey beamed at his wife as I shook my head. “But it wasn’t bullshit Ava.”



“I'm sure it was instead.” She replied, “You think that because of Odette you’re never going to be able to be with someone again when really you’re just scared to fall in love and have it kick you in the ass.”



“I'm not scared to fall in love.” I growled. Ava blinked.

“You are.” She nodded. “And you think you’re not worth it.” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair because yes, I didn’t think I was worth it, but that was because I actually wasn’t. “You didn’t make Odette into an addict Ames.” Ava said quietly, softly, the nicest she’d ever been while saying my exes’ name.



“How do you know?” she gave me a look, not a pitying one but the one I came to recognize as almost mothering. No definitely. Corey and Ava were more parents to me than my parents. And I was lucky for that.



“Because she chose that herself. Tell me something Ames, why did you fall in love with Odette?” I swallowed, blinking back at my sister as I tried to think of a good answer.



“She just….we fit well together.” I said but even when I was saying it I knew it wasn’t true. She rose her brows at me, but didn’t call my bullshit. Yet at least.



“Okay, so why do you like Milena?” That one was easy.



“She’s smart, she’s sexy and she knows it but she doesn’t flaunt it, she always calls me out on my shit.” I smirked. “She likes being rescued but would never admit it.”



“Oh love.” Corey smirked and I blinked at him.



“I'm not in love with Milena.” He rose a brow.



“No? Tell me if this sounds familiar, you think its an accomplishment, when you don’t think about her, you obsess over everything that ever happened between you, you would do anything to make her smile but also push her away because it’s too damn hard to keep your hands off her when she’s around…”



“It sounds familiar to me.” Ava said grinning down at her husband.



“Yeah?” he smirked. “The hard to keep your hands off of me part?” I groaned.



“Please don’t start.” I shook my head. Ava turned to me and set her lips.



“Ames, you’re my baby brother, I love you and you’re old enough to make your own damn decisions, so please choose the right one so I don’t have to kick your ass.” She added with a small grin as I sighed.



“I have to tell her.” I nodded. I still wasn’t convinced I was in love. That was ridiculous. But I did know I had to be with her. I wanted her for more than a night, for more than a few nights. I wanted her to be mine and mine only. Damn why did it take me so long to figure it out?



*****

I got to Mila’s apartment complex just as her neighbor was getting home and I snuck in with her. She smiled at me and I grinned back. Honestly she was just my type but I had only had one woman on my mind. Honestly I’d only had one woman on my mind for a long time. I still wasn’t certain I was even close to good enough for her. But I was pretty sure that I was selfish enough not to care anymore. I just wanted her. I knocked on her door when I got out of the elevator and made my way to her door, knocking eagerly as soon as I got there.

“ Milena!” I shouted. “It’s Ames.” I heard some kind of commotion and then she called out from inside.

“Just a second!” I waited for what felt like forever, trying to think about what I was going to say to her when the door opened. Mila looked so fuc.king gorgeous it knocked the wind out of me. She was wearing a short satin robe and her hair was messy, framing her face in soft curls. Honestly she looked like she did the last time I saw her, right before falling asleep in my arms. “Ames…what are you doing here?” she asked in a hushed tone.

“I need to talk to you…”

"Talk?" she raised an eyebrow like she had no idea what I was talking about as she tied her robe tighter while I just wished she’d let it hang open.



"You left with only a note and you haven't been returning my calls." I pointed out and she looked at the floor.



"I'm sorry..."



"Did I do something wrong Milena?" I asked, stepping closer as she stepped back. She smelled like….alcohol and something spicy that wasn’t her at all.



“Of course not!"



"Then why have you been avoiding me?" I kept looking into her eyes but she was avoiding mine like the plague.



"I didn't want to put you in an awkward position Ames..."



"Awkward?"



"I know that you just wanted one night Ames. I spared you from having to say it to my face…"



"I wanted to talk in the morning."



"Ames, you don't have to be the 'good guy' about this… I understand that one night is all you wanted." She said as she leaned against the door frame. If only. If only I could be that guy.



"I'm not trying to be the 'good guy' any more Mila… I wanted to tell you that I want that night, every night." Mila finally looked up into my eyes.



"What?"



"Being the good guy would have entailed me to resist you no matter what and let you find the good guy you deserve, but I'm selfish… and I want you." I cupped her chin and angled her body to me.



"Ames…" she breathed out as I leaned down to kiss her.



"So you're the lad Milena's heartbroken over." I froze in my place when I heard a male voice coming from inside her place. I pushed past her into the living room as a guy stumbled out of Mila’s fucking bedroom in just a pair of boxers. “You should feel very special man." I narrowed my eyes on him, keeping my temper in check.



"Why?"



"I would be if a beautiful girl like Mila called out my name while sleeping with someone else…" the guy shrugged and I felt my blood run cold. Mila slept with this guy? I looked at Mila, her body in the robe, her hair tousled and smelling like…..like cologne. I snapped back at the guy.



“Who the fuck are you?” I growled looking him up and down and putting together the pieces in my head.



“Apparently just a piece of ass she used to get over you. Didn’t seem to work.” He grinned messily and I was in his face a second later.



“Get your clothes, and get the hell out of Milena’s apartment. Now.” I said through clenched teeth. He just blinked at me but I was about three seconds from pounding him into the wall. “NOW!” I yelled and he jumped grabbing his clothes from around the floor and hobbling into them until he was out the door. I tried. I tried so hard to keep my temper in check as I turned to Mila.



“Ames…” I held my hand up and shook my head, walking towards the door myself but she blocked me. “Ames please let me explain!”



“Explain?! Explain.” I asked my mind racing with images of that idiot touching my Mila. It made me so fucking angry I could barely see straight, much less thing. “Go ahead Milena. Try.”



“I…..I’m so sorry.” She shook her head as tears ran down her face.



“Good explanation.”



“I thought you didn’t want me!!! You told me! You said it would just be that night Ames and I left because if I heard you say it the next morning in person after that night…..it would have broken me….”



“I wasn’t going to tell you that. The second I kissed you it was over for me.” I shook my head.



“It’s been over for me since way before then.” She admitted in a whisper.



“See I might believe that a little more if you weren’t jumping into bed with any loser who walked along right after leaving me. That doesn’t sound like you want to be with me Milena it sounds like you were hard up and I was the closest man to you.”



“That’s not-“



“Do you have ANY idea what it’s doing to me thinking about that idiot with you?!?! You fucking smell like him Mila!!!!”



"I wanted to forget about you…" she said quietly making me hate the situation more because the last thing I wanted was to forget about her.



"Look what good that did." I spat out at her.



"Ames, I'm sorry!"



"No! You don't get to say that to me. I tried to call you. I tried to contact you! You've been ignoring me. What else am I supposed to believe?"



"I have been rejected by guys and I've been fine. Heartbroken at first, but fine. If you did the same to me I don't think I would be able to bounce back!" she cried. "I've loved you since god knows when Ames… hearing that it was just one night would have broken my heart." I told him.



"And you don't think it hurts to see you like this? After having sex with that piece of shit! He's disgusting." I growled.



"I know Ames! I know that! God, Callum was an absolute piece of sh.it when we dated and I knew that when he was kissing me at the bar! I just wanted to forget about you! But I couldn't even do that…" she said, clearly ashamed, "All I could do was think about you."



"Good job." I couldn’t handle this. I tried to walk past her, but he stopped me once more.



"Ames, I'm not perfect." she cried out, "I'm human and I make mistakes and I'm the first person to admit it… I'm flawed. I love too much and run away scared."



"Why couldn't you just have stayed with me?" I asked her desperately, scrubbing my hands over my face, "Why couldn't you just wait til the morning?"



"I made a mistake." she whispered, "I don't know what else to do but say I'm sorry…"



“You could have at least answered the damn phone!!!!” I ran my hands through my hair. I hated this. Of all the damn situations I’d thought of having with Mila? This sure as hell wasn’t one of them.



“I told you….I was so scared…”



“So you thought giving it up to the next guy who walked by would be the next best idea?!!?”



“Ames.”



“I never thought of you as easy.” I spat at her and she blinked back as if I’d just slapped her.



“Well then maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” She snapped, no longer playing innocent little girl, her eyes cold instead of sad.



“Who does?! You never let anyone!”



“Says the man who’s spent the last five years not letting anyone know him!” She yelled back.



“What do you want from me?!” I took a few steps closer.



“Nothing.” She folded her arms over her chest and looked away.



“You’re a liar.”



“I’ve just come to grips with reality that’s all. Some people don’t get what they want.”



“Maybe it’s because those people fu.ck up their own lives!!!” I ran my hands through my hair again, I felt…..I felt like I’d been cheated on. But I knew that wasn’t fair, we weren’t together, one night didn’t make us a couple but while she was in bed with another man not less than a few weeks after? I hadn’t even looked at another woman…..Clearly her feelings weren’t the same.



“Yeah I'm great at that.”



“Was I not enough?” I asked, needing to know, wanting to understand what was happening because I honestly didn’t. That night. I thought we had both felt what I had felt.



"Ames... You were more than enough." She whispered, her eyes softening slightly.



"Then why did you run to that sleaze bag?!" I yelled once more.



"People do stupid things. I have no way of justifying what I did. It was stupid and a shitty move on my part Ames. I was upset and stupidly thought sex with a douche would help. It made me feel worse... But not worse than you calling me easy!" I saw her temper flaring but I wasn’t taking that, it wasn’t me who did anything wrong here! "You can sleep with many different women but when I sleep with a guy I slept years ago I'm pretty much a whore!"



"I didn't call you a whore Mila!" Iinterjected.



"You just called me easy. Would you like me to point out your flaws Ames?!"



"You're so much better than that guy though Mila! You're perfect and you deserve better!"



"I do deserve a lot better than Callum but I'm not perfect Ames! You need to stop putting me on a pedestal. As you see tonight I do some pretty stupid things..."



"You're perfect to me Mila..." I trailed off, knowing it sounded ridiculous, she wasn’t perfect, no one was perfect and yeah I put her on a pedestal as the woman I could never have but it was one thing to sleep with an asshole, it was another thing to do it right after sleeping with me.



"Then how is anybody going to be good enough for me Ames? I have loved you since I was 18 when you barely noticed me... It was wishful thinking to think that you'd ever look at me the way I looked at you."



“You think I barely noticed you?” I asked, shaking my head as she looked at the ground.



“Why would you?”



“When I came back from school I saw you at Ava’s dinner party. You were wearing a short little yellow sundress and shoes that had ties around your ankles. I couldn’t believe the little girl I’d grown up with turned into such a gorgeous woman.”



“Ames…”



“It was all I could do to not think of you the way any 23 year old guy thinks of a girl. It didn’t work either. And it wasn’t just how damn well you grew up. I liked the way you smiled, your sexy little bedroom voice.” I smirked and she bit her lip, blushing.



“I do not have a bedroom voice.” She blushed deeper and I laughed.



“The way you blush….So effortlessly sexy while still remaining totally you. Maybe I never got to know you as well as I could but that’s because I knew even then if I let myself know you I would never get over you.”



“That’s just because you didn’t know me. Didn’t know how I was. How I still am. I'm a mess.”



“You’re preaching to the choir Mila.” I admitted.



“I don’t know where we go from here….” She looked at the floor. I swallowed thickly.



“I don’t think I can get over what happened tonight…I can’t even look at you without seeing someone else touching you….”





"Then you're just as bad as those other guys…" Mila trailed off, making no sense. "You're hypocrite Ames."



"Because I sleep around with jerks?" I raised a brow.



"Because you sleep around in general. Were you in love with any of those girls you've been distracting yourself with? I'm sure they weren't nobel prize winners." She crossed her arms over her chest and I wondered if she was pissed off or just jealous.



"It's not the same-"



"Because of some stupid double standard Ames. I've seen some of the girls who've been with! You think I can't imagine you with those girls?" she asked.



"It's still not the same."



"Because you're being selfish and you think that if I'm going to have been with you, I should have been pure. I have never once questioned your sexual or love history!" she ran her hands through her hair but she wasn’t getting it! I didn’t care who she’d been with before me. JUST AFTER ME!!! "Ames, I loved you purely based on you… I didn't judge you on your past relationships, especially Odette. You proposed to a crazy girl who had a drug habit. I got proposed to by a cheating guy who got someone else pregnant. What's the difference?”



“The difference is you were in my bed last week! In my arms! I was holding you, kissing you, and you turned around and gave that to someone else!”



“Ames….”



“I'm sorry.” I shook my head. “I can’t….” I stood up and walked to the door.



“So what….we’re just nothing anymore?”



“What do you want me to do Mila? Say everything’s okay? Hop into your bed where you were just with another man? I can’t DO that!”



“I don’t expect that I just….Ames I was drunk! I wasn’t thinking clearly! I said your name in bed with him!!” I glared at her. She was still so damn beautiful it killed me….but I also felt severely betrayed.





“You could have been with me instead.” I said seriously. “Next time you want to be with a guy? Maybe you should answer when he calls.” And then I was walking away…..and this time no one stopped me.

for as long as you're mine, we will stand the test of time

for as long as you're mine, we will stand the test of time by ssaarah 

I looked up at my door, wondering how anyone got past the front door without me buzzing them in. I walked up to it and peeked through my chest getting tight when I saw Milena. I had made a huge mistake admitting my feelings to her…and then an even bigger mistake kissing her. All I could fucking think about was that kiss. I steeled myself and opened the door forcing a smile.

“Bonjour.” She said a little awkwardly as I took in her little dress and high heels. She was trying to kill me.

if we walk down this road we'll be lovers for sure

if we walk down this road we'll be lovers for sure by ssaarah

“Hey” I smiled at Milena, reaching over and pulling her into a hug. Damn she even smelled sexy as hell. I was starting to think I had a serious thing for her other than just my initial attraction. Only problem? She was basically the one girl I couldn’t have. If I ever hurt her? It would be disastrous. And I was pretty much destined to hurt her so she remained off limits.

i'm so tired of these blurred lines

i'm so tired of these blurred lines by ssaarah

“How do you manage to look so comfortable in that suit?” I heard a voice ask and I looked up to see Milena standing in my office doorway. I smirked.

“I could say the same thing about those heels.” I pointed out, leaning back in my chair and letting my eyes take in her pretty sundress. Something about her in them was even sexier to me than wrapped up tight in the black number she wore out dancing.

“Beauty is pain.” She replied. “At least that’s what my mother says.” I laughed.

The only thing that I still believe In is you, if you only knew

The only thing that I still believe In is you, if you only knew by ssaarah on Polyvore

I walked up to Milena's apartment and knocked on the door. If Mila didn't want to talk about what happened that was fine but I had to know that she was okay.

 

 "Ames?" she asked confused. 

 

"Hey…" I trailed off, sticking my hands in my pockets, "You haven't been replying to any of my texts… I got worried."  

 

"I haven't been replying to anyones…"

“And that’s why I'm here.” I nodded and nodded towards her dad.

open up my eager eyes

open up my eager eyes by ssaarah

*flashback*


I was back in Paris again. I came back home all the time of course for family events and just to visit but this time? I wasn’t thrilled. I was miserable. I thought sending Odette to treatment would be good for us, that it would mean she could get better and we could move on with our lives together but instead? She gave me back the ring I’d given her. That was 4 months ago. At least I’d get to see my family, my cute baby nephew and Corey and Ava. They were having a dinner party for the start of the summer with the Schon’s and I was happy to see them too but really all I wanted to do was sink into my new apartment and drink for the rest of the night.

if we walk down this road...

if we walk down this road... by ssaarah 

  

“I just don’t understand why you won’t let me set you up with anyone.” Ava said shaking her head as we walked past the Eiffel Tower. We had a standing brother sister date once a month and even with our busy schedules we managed to make it work for a few hours. I was pretty sure there was no one I loved more than my sister but her taste in women? It wasn’t mine.

“Because I don’t need to be set up with anyone Ava.” I smirked, shaking my head as she blew her bangs out of her face and shook her head.

“I had two kids by the time I was your age Ames I just want you to be happy, have a family.”

“I think you just got a sample of what more babies would be like with Gabe and now you’re wanting more” I teased and Ava gave me a sly grin.

“Well I can’t exactly have any more of my own!” she exclaimed, making me laugh as I shook my head.

“Go bother Chloe about babies.” Ava sighed.

“If Chloe could find a man who’d give her babies and stick with her? Half of my life’s worries would be solved.” She chuckled and I gave her a weak smile, a part of me feeling really guilty she didn’t know the whole story about her daughter. I was just about to recommend she set away some time for her when I saw a familiar face.

"Mila?" I smiled her and her face lit up.

"Hey Ames!" she said, standing up and wrapping her arms around me,

"Hi Mrs. Lindsell."  Mom shook her head.

"You know I hate being called that Mila, it makes me feel older than I am." She grinned.

"Who's this?" The guy she was with stood up next to Milena and sized me up, clearly not caring about my sister as much as finding out who the guy was that had just hugged his girl. He wrapped his arms around her waist and glared at me, marking his territory as if he was a dog peeing circles around her.

"Ames Alere." she grinned, "Aka my Disneyland partner." She joked  as the guy raised a brow.

"What do you mean?"

"After you couldn't come, Ames offered to go with me so I wouldn't ride alone. Very good understudy." She said with a small laugh.

"Huh…" Braden said simply as his phone started ringing, "I gotta take this." He said walking away. Mila rolled her eyes,

"I swear he would marry his nightclub if he could."

"There's a big issue babe." He said walking back up to me, pulling her to the side, "I have to go." Ava nudged me and I looked back to question her but she was just smirking at the sight in front of us. They seemed to argue a little more before he kissed her forehead and bolted, leaving Mila to walk back to us.

“Is everything okay?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"Work beckons him…" she trailed off, "Oh well." she said, picking up the blanket.

"Well, that doesn't mean you should leave. I'm sure there's something good in there. We can hang out."

"Actually Ames, I have to go. My husband beckons me." Ava said, sliding away her own phone with a wicked grin as she winked and I groaned. I was pretty sure 50’s was too old for phone sex. Someone should tell them. "Have fun you two."

“I hope to be that disgustingly in love with…..fill in the blank when I'm in my fifties.” Mila said as she tilted her head to the side and sighed like most girls did whenever my sisters epic love story was brought up. Women.

“Fill in the blank? Braden isn’t in the cards when you’re old?” I smirked, then looked around to make sure Ava wasn’t still there. If she heard me calling her old she’d never forgive me. Not that she even looked a day over 40 at the oldest.  At least Alere’s aged gracefully.

“He’s not here now.” she pouted and my body instantly reacted to the sexy look on her face so I looked away and shook my head. Hating myself.

“Well I'm here if you want some company.” She smiled and nodded before she looked around.

“Actually I’ve got quite a spread over there if you’re hungry.” I grinned.

“Always.” I nodded, walking over to the blanket and plopping down next to her as she laughed and shook her head.

“Men.” She teased and I looked around.

“This looks romantic.” I pointed out and she sighed.

“Yeah it was supposed to be. I should be ending the night making love on my balcony not alone in the most romantic place in the city.” I choked as she said that, the thought of that assh.at of her boyfriend  even touching her suddenly made me fucking pissed off.

‘He doesn’t deserve you anyways.” I said seriously, my voice sounding a little more curt than it should of.

“He’s not that bad.” She replied, taking a sip of champagne and sighing.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, a part of me dying to reach out and push back her hair. I always had those little temptations around her. You’d think they’d get easier to resist…but they just got more difficult.

"How I wish Braden was here…" she pouted still having no idea how low she was settling by being with him. "I mean I understand he has work, but I want him to want to be here. Does that make sense?"

"I understand… He's an idiot for not spending more time with you…" I assured her with a small smile as I tore off a piece of bread for myself.

"Thanks… I'm just wondering about him. I'm 25 years old. It's not terribly old, but still I want to find the one… Everybody that cares about me seems to hate Braden…."

"How do you feel about him?" I asked her, swallowing my food.

"I thought I loved him… but I'm not sure if it's love anymore…" she shrugged.

"I just wish he could be the guy that I saw him as when we first met. He leaves whenever we're together to go to work and now he's started talking down to me…"

"How do you mean?" I raised a brow since no one should talk down to a woman. Especially not one that was my friend.

"He embarrassed me in front of Cam and her date… It was awful. I cried in the bathroom." She said shaking her head, clearly embarrassed it even happened. "And I took the blame… God it was stupid." I shook my head.

"Sounds like he was an ass."

"He was a bit of an ass." She admitted, smiling a little at the word.

"I'm serious Squirt." I smirked, "You're amazing and any guy you date should worship you…" Hell I wasn’t sure how any guy lucky enough to date Milena ever even let her out of his bed.

"That's a lot coming from you…" I raised a brow,

"What do you mean?" Mila smirked,

 "C'mon, don't tell me you didn't know that I had a major crush on you when I was in high school." My chest thumped and I felt my eyes widen.

"You did?" she nodded,

"God, yes. I mean did you not notice how I could barely form a sentence? Or the way I was constantly blushing? Were you that oblivious?" I grinned.

“I just figured you were shy like Cami.” I shrugged and Mila smirked.

“I'm not.” She smirked and I nodded.

“Well I know that now.” I agreed taking another bite and then looking back at her. “A major crush huh?” I smirked and she tossed a piece of bread at my head.

“Don’t worry I got over it.” She replied, scrunching up her face at me as I laughed. I had to admit, I was a little flattered.

“I bet it was difficult.” I teased back and she rolled her eyes.

“Apparently every man I’ve ever liked has issues with his giant ego.” She said to the sky making me laugh even more.  “Keep laughing at me and I’ll stop sharing my food.” She glared and I shut my mouth, struggling not to smile as I held my hands up.

“I'm done.” I agreed. “I swear.” She shook her head and reached forward for some grapes, her long dark hair curtaining over her shoulders.

“How’s babysitting going anyway?” she smirked. “What’s the kids name….Charlotte?” I narrowed my eyes on her.

“You do know she’s only a few years younger than you are.” I pointed out to her. She shrugged.

“I'm too young for you too.” She said looking up at me as my chest tightened. “And too good for you.” I let myself laugh a little.

“You got me there.” I agreed. “She moved to the states.” I replied seriously, a part of me relieved that I didn’t have to break her heart and the other part actually kind of missing her company.

"You sound upset..." she trailed off, eyeing me as I shrugged.  

"She was a good girl."

"A good girl?"

"She was nice… She got my mind of Odette…" I shrugged again,

"Now I'm thinking about Odette and Charlotte…"

"You shouldn't be thinking like that. You're a catch and they're the ones who are missing out. Not to mention you are a handsome successful lawyer! Seriously, how are you not just screwing an endless line of women?" she smirked and I laughed because she didn’t exactly know that I’d done that already.

"Because I want a little more substance than that?" I smirked.

"Okay, maybe not that gross, but stop focusing on finding the one. Just find the right one now. You don't need to be trying to settle down, just have fun!" she grinned.

"You're younger than me; why are you trying to settle down with a.ss face?" I asked, seeing as how she was younger than me. Double standard!

"It's different for women!"  That was silly.

"You're gorgeous and young! Why settle down?" I winked, repeating her words.

"I want to be in love… and be serious. I want a love like my mom and dad…" she trailed off, averting her eyes from my gaze, "At first he had a hard time dealing with the idea of having a child, but he fell in love with my mom… I want a love that knows no bounds. It's just love." I knew the story of Harper and Miles, it was almost as romantic as my sisters with Corey. Love that overcame odds and lasted as long as theirs had? That was the dream. "Call me a hopeless romantic or a complete nerd, but I want an amazing love…"

"It's not nerdy…" I trailed off. "I can see why you'd want that. I look at Ava and Corey and they were like parents to me and it's amazing how they found each other and how it worked so well. I just wish that I can find something that's even a fraction of that. I mean, I thought Odette was that for me, but then everything happened and it just fell apart." she smiled,

"We sound like two romantic idiots. You never know about Odette, she might get better…" I used to think that too….now? I wasn’t so sure it would matter. I shrugged,

"I can only hope. If not to be with her, but for her just to be better."

"You're an amazing guy Ames…. If Braden only acted as half as amazing you are, I'd be set." I grinned,

"Maybe we should get married then." I joked.

"I'm too young for you, remember?"

“I dunno…you’re the one who had a crush on me.” I teased with a grin as she rolled her eyes.

“I'm going to seriously regret telling you that.” She said shaking her head. I gave her a slow grin, wondering if it would make her feel any better to know that once I had come home from college and saw how she’d grown up? I hadn’t exactly had pure thoughts. She had been a cute teenager but now? She was fu.cking gorgeous.

“I always thought you thought of me like a brother.” I shrugged. “It’s flattering.”

“You mean like how you think of me as a sister?” I forced the thought into my mind.

“Baby sister.” I added, trying to convince myself as much as I was convincing her.

“See at least Braden hits on me instead of treating me like a baby.” She stuck out her tongue and I laugh.

“Well I should hope so, since he’s dating you. Though telling you the obvious doesn’t make him a good guy.” I added.

“The obvious?” she asked, looking back at me. I swallowed and then ran my hand through my hair.

“You’re stunning Mila. You know that.”

"You think so?" I just nodded.

"Now are you going to get a big ego?" I played it off but Mila just shrugged her shoulders,

"Maybe, but you have no idea how much my teenage self would be dying with happiness right now. She'd go crazy at the thought of you calling me that." She was clearly joking, so why did I think there was a slight flush on her pretty features?

"Well, even then you were gorgeous…" I trailed off since I had clearly lost my mind.

"You should stop, I might have to jump you. My teenager self is fighting to come out." she joked again.

"Oh really?" I rose a brow, trying not to think about what the hell I would do if Milena Schon jumped me. Would I ever have the kind of self control I needed to turn her down? Probably not.

"Yes." She nodded, "She can't control her hormones."  Fuck.

"Well, she should realize that you already have a boyfriend. That should satisfy her enough." We really really needed to change the subject.

"You don't know her. Her hormones are raging. No joke." Damn it…..

"I don't need to think of you that way." I shook my head and she rolled her eyes making me realize I’d said that out loud and not in my head.

"What are you? My dad? If you're a friend and not my father, you should be okay hearing this. I'm not a virgin, big surprise." She sounded exasperated. “It's okay! Everybody does it."

“I didn’t think you were a 25 year old virgin Mila.” I replied in a voice of forced steadiness.

“I should hope I don’t seem that pathetic!” she exclaimed, wincing as I shook my head.

“You do understand this is like you hearing about Noah’s sex life.” I lied and Mila scrunched up her face…looking so fucking adorable a part of me was aching to pull her closer to me.

“I know too much about Noah’s sex life already.” She shook her head but then raised a brow at me. “But you’re not my brother Ames.” I bit back the urge to groan and pulled farther away from her.

“You don’t know what you do to men do you?” she blinked.

“What do you mean?” she tilted her head to the side in question, causing all her silky dark hair to fall over her shoulder temptingly.

“I mean when men….look at you, you’re beautiful, but damn classy and it makes them wonder how you’d look beneath them, wonder what they’d have to do to make those classy lips lose total control and beg them for more.” Mila’s eyes looked a full shade darker and I realized I had run my mouth one step too far.

“Ames….” She trailed off in a light breathy voice that had me wondering way more than just that so I pulled away from her completely.

“Which is why you could do better than a guy like Braden.” I finished, going back to the food because apparently even though I’d spent most of my life learning how to talk to people and win conversations? With Milena I forgot all my training and acted like the witnesses and clients I interrogated for a living.

"Thank you." she breathed out slowly.

"It's the truth Mila… I wouldn't tell you any lies." I said, looking into her doe eyes that were looking back at me with an intensity I didn’t see that often from her. She barely even blinked when her phone started to ring.

"Mila… You're phone is ringing." she blinked and shook her head,

"Sorry about that." she took it out of her bag and looked back at me. “It's Brae, just give me a second." I bit back a curse that she was actually answering that asshole. "Hello?"  I strained to hear the rest of the conversation but all I heard was a cocky voice.

"Actually I can't… I'm with Cam and Gabe… I was upset after you left." I blinked at Mila. I mean I was proud that she was telling him off for once. But she was also lying about being with me. What did that mean? "This will teach you to not ditch me for work babe. Next time spend your time with me if that's what you want. Bye." she said, hanging up without any other reply.

"You're with Cam and Gabe?" I smirked, testing her a little. She shrugged.

"I didn't want to see him… I ditched him like he ditched me."

"Did it feel good?"  she nodded as she bit down on her lip,

"Very. It felt good to put him through the shit he put me through."

"I'm proud of you squirt."