i wish you the best of all this world can give

Flashback;

it's the little things baby

Monday

"Mom! Do you know where my green hat is?!" I grabbed it off the chair in the living room and finished putting his lunch box together. 

"I've got it! Don't forget sunblock!" 

im gonna love you like i've never been broken

We walked out the doctors office in silence, finally, everything had gone well, without arguing, without fighting, but also without really connecting at all. I felt empty without him, even filled with our daughter.

i don't feel right when you're gone away

I paced my living room like a mad woman. On the one hand seeing Jax made my heart ache, but on the other I loved to have him near me no matter how much it hurt. What was wrong with me? And not only that I was now a nervous wreck to tell my son I was pregnant. Lord knew it wasn't the best parenting to have a baby with a man I was no longer with. I saw Jax's truck pulling up and opened the door before they even got to ring the bell.
"Hi mom."

all those fairytales are full of shit

I took a deep breath as I stared at my phone. Or more specifically the clock on my phone. I had 15 minutes to make this decision so I had to do it soon. I swallowed and wished like hell I could take a shot of something real strong before I dialed Jax's number.

talk to me, for just a little while

My head was pounding as I walked down the stairs before I realized that someone was knocking on my door. I blinked and walked over to it, opening it slowly only to find my sisters boyfriend standing there.
"Travis?"

can't believe it ends like this

"Colbie." I smelled his body wash before I fully woke up, fluttering my eyes open to Jax's gorgeous blue ones.
"Mmmm." I rolled back over and stuffed my head in the pillow as I heard Jax chuckle.
"You have to get up baby." he whispered, pressing kisses against my shoulder.
"What time is it?"
"Almost nine." I turned towards him with a disgusted look on my face.
"It's Sunday Jackson!" I exclaimed and watched as his icy blues got darker and his mouth turned up into a smirk.

you will be safe in my arms.

I groaned as I pulled up in front of my house and dropped my purse. I had the longest day and my head was killing me. My phone had died and my charger broke and I was just a mess. I couldn't wait to take a long bath and wait for WIll to get home from practice. I slid my key into the door and barrled into the kitchen almost running right into Jax.

but i can't spell it out for you no it's never gonna be that simple

I ran my fingers through my hair as I shook the hands of the newlywed couple who had just accepted the offer on their new condo in the city and turned to look for a coffee shop when I saw him. Jax grabbed a handful of wood and carried it effortlessly across the street to the construction area where the other men helped him nail it up to the outside of an old apartment building they were restoring. I almost lost my breath. He was sweaty and dirty as he peeled off his long sleeve shirt, revealing a sliver of stomach before he tossed it aside, leaving him in a black tank that showed off every inch of his sculpted torso. I felt myself walking towards him before I even realized I was.

“Hi.” I said breathily from outside the construction zone.

they dish the dirt, it never ends

Colbie
"Hi!" Lila rushes in, pulling her crossbody bag off and setting it next to her as she joins me in the booth of the new little cafe that opened downtown by my office. "Sorry I'm late." She smiles and reaches over the table to kiss my cheek.
"It's okay I finished up some work." I smiled. "You look tan." I pointed out.
"Trav and I went to the beach last weekend." She replied, smiling in the way that only a weekend away with a man could make happen.
"Ahh, no wonder you're all glowy." I smirked at her and she nodded.
"Damn right. It was awesome."
"I bet."
"Did you order drinks?" She asks, looking around for the wait staff. I nodded.
"Iced tea."
"Thanks." She smiled and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair.
"You're hair is getting long. And it's still blonde. I'm surprised." I point out and she laughs but shrugs her shoulders.
"My boyfriend likes it." She says casually.
"Mine has a thing for blondes too." I tap my chin as if I'm thinking. "Must run in the family?" Lila laughs again and I smile. Of all my siblings I'm closest to Lila, even though we're almost the farthest apart in age. Must be something about being the only two girls. Or maybe it's just her. Everyone I know can't resist loving my little sister. There's just something about her.

Lila
"How's my favorite nephew?" I ask, leaning on my elbows as the waiter brings us our teas.
"Great." Colbie smiles. "He just got put in a gifted program." I gasp and clap my hands excitedly.
"Well it's about time. That kid is almost smarter than me." I say seriously as my sister chuckles.
"I'm not sure if that makes me proud or terrified." She admits. "Hows your collection coming?"
"It's good. It's different....but I like the change." I smile, loving how my work is challenging me again. "It's hard sometimes for me to push out of my boundaries but definitely worth it."
"You're so vague." Colbie laughs. "But I can't wait to see it."
"Derrick got cast in a WB show for next season." I say and Colbie nods.
"That's right, something about a rich family with a dark secret?" I nodded.
"That's pretty much all WB shows." I laugh. "How's Jax?" I add since I'd been feeling guilty about not calling him back but also still a little angry at him. He should be reaching out to Travis not me.
"Practically perfect." She sighs. "You haven't been running with him?" She asks. I wonder how much about Trav and his fight he's told her. I could see my friend wanting to keep Colbie out of the bad things in his life, but was that a real relationship? Fu.ck I keep judging them. It's not like I have it all together.
"I've been busy." I shrug and take another sip of my drink.
"Oh." Colbie frowns. "I thought you ran together a lot." I nodded.
"I'll call him tomorrow." I promise her and myself out loud. After all Jax was my friend, and I missed him. Even if he was acting like a jerk.

Colbie
I had a feeling she wasn't telling me everything but I wasn't really sure I wanted to know so I blew past it.
"But you had fun with Travis?" She perked up.
"God yes. I was about ready to tie him to the bed for a change I missed spending time with him so much." I blinked at my sister.
"Does he really do that?" I ask under my breath.
"Do what?" We pause to order soup and salads before I turn back to her.
"Tie you to the bed." Lila laughs.
"Oh. Yes." She smirks, and a rosy blush forms on her cheeks.
"....And you're into that?" I ask. She gives me a glare.
"I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking about what I like in bed with my sister." She admits and it's my turn to blush. "Also I'm pretty surprised Jax has never tied you up." She adds with a laugh.
"Why? Does he like that?!" I ask, almost too loud. She shrugs.
"I dunno. He just strikes me as kinda kinky I guess." I widen my eyes further as I think back on everything Jax and I had done. It was all completely mind blowing to me but if we were being honest it was kind of vanilla sex wise.
"Why?" I ask.
"......because he's a Cole?" She shrugs and then looks back at me concerned. "You look like I just stole all your barbies Colbs, what's wrong?"
"Jax isn't kinky with me." I admit. "At all." Lila folds her arms over her chest and sits back.

Lila
I suddenly feel as if I'd said the wrong things. Not that any of it wasn't true, but by the look on my sisters face I'd just opened an entirely new bucket of insecurities. And honestly I was kind of surprised. Tying me to the bed was one of the tamer things I'd done with Travis, honestly I'd assumed most people did that, especially Jax. The girls he was with before Colbie didn't look inexperienced.
"Is it bad?" I ask finally, knowing my sisters newly found healthy glow meant she was actually getting laid so it couldn't be all bad.
"No...." she trails off.
"That's not very convincing." I point out, leaning in. I have to admit I had a strange curiosity. I'd always assumed Jax would be as awesome in bed as he was out. If not more so.
"I mean for me it's epic." She says seriously. "But I don't have much to compare it to....do you think he's holding back with me?" I thought about it. That didn't really sounds like the Jax I knew but he'd also never dated anyone like Colbie. He'd never had feelings like the ones he had for her.
"I don't know." I admitted and she turned even paler.

Colbie
"Well what in the hell am I supposed to do!?" I ask, 'What if he gets bored?!" Lila reaches out and grabs my hands.
"Colbie, slow down." She says with wide eyes. "Jax loves you. He wouldn't dump you for that." She adds, reading my mind like always. "Do you do this with him too?" She asks gently.
"....do what?"
"Freak out over little things?" I pout. I did. I wasn't entirely sure why he hung around I was such an awful girlfriend. But god I loved him so much.
"This isn't exactly a little thing. You do remember my husband leaving me to have sex with a 21 year old right?"
"That wasn't because you weren't good in bed." She rolls her eyes. "It was because he was a fucking moron who thought with his tiny dick." I let myself smirk at her words. She always said the things about Nick that I wanted to, but felt bad because it was the father of my child. Still hearing someone say it was therapeutic.
"Still...."
"Do you want to be kinky with Jax?" She asks, cringing a little as she clearly tries not to think about it. That's when I stop and really think, putting a million different fantasies into my head at once....but they aren't all just sex...though a few very x rated ones are front and center. But what I really see is a life. A future.
"I want everything with him." I admit softly. Lila softens as her eyes widen and she shakes her head.
"Damn you really are in love aren't you?" She says almost in awe.
"Completely." I admit, feeling my eyes tear up a little at how deep my emotions run.
"Oh my god do not cry right now. Are you PMSing right now? Because you're the dominant one and if I hang out with you all day and you're PMSing I'm going to start like a week early." She snaps and I break out laughing as the waiter brings our fod, looking at us both awkwardly when Lil starts laughing too.
"Don't worry sis I'm not due till next week too." I say through my laughter.
"Good." She nods and bites into her salad. "Did you hear Reece got asked to mentor on Derrick's show?" And we're right back to family, moving on from our last topic. I wished I could move on like Lila, but god. What if......

give your all to me

Jax squeezed my hand as he drove with the other. I loved how he was always touching me, my hand, my hair, my shoulder or my back, he was surprisingly affectionate and I couldn’t get enough. It was both terrifying and exhilarating to be so completely taken with someone, in a way I hadn’t been even with my ex-husband.

dance dance like it's the last last night of your life

Lila

“Seriously guys, we have PG-13 fun happening in like an hour if you want to change we have to go now.” I told Jax and my sister as they played touch football with Will and my brothers. Surprisingly Jax seemed to charm them all, except maybe Reese but even he was wearing down pretty fast. Not that it was that much of a surprise, Jax was an easy guy to like. A part of me wished Travis was the same way but he didn’t even want to come today. To be fair, he had to work but I was pretty sure he scheduled the meeting on purpose in order not to come today. 

you're amazing just the way you are

“Hey!” I sat down at the table Jax had at the back of my favorite restaurant which happened to be his favorite too.

i'm screaming out loud to guide me give me your strength

i'm screaming out loud to guide me give me your strength by ssaarah

Colbie

you may be all i need

I looked up as I heard someone at the door, running my hand through my hair and slipping on a cardigan over my tank.

"Jax?" Great. I looked like shit and the one person I didn’t want to see me not at my best was at my door.  

"Lila told me you couldn't come to the game because you didn't feel well..." he trailed off, scratching the back of his neck, "I wanted to know if you were okay, if you needed something." I felt myself break into a grin because that was super sweet.

"I'm fine. I just have a headache." I answered quietly.

and so it's been said many times many ways, merry christmas to you

Colbie

"Mom Uncle Reece got me a new bike!!!!" Will was practically jumping up and down as he showed me the state of the art bike Reece had bought him.

"Your uncles spoil you." I laughed.

"Of course we do, he's our only nephew!." Kolton grinned as he ruffled Will's hair.

"He let me try his beer." Will said with his eyes wide.

"Kole!!" I narrowed my eyes on him.

"It was disgusting." Will made a face and all the guys laughed as Lila padded into the room, a glass of spiked eggnog in hand as she handed me a wrapped present.

"Thanks." I grinned.

"You haven't even opened it yet." She laughed as I ripped open the paper to find a painting of Will and I right after he'd won his last game.

"Oh my god Lila."

"Did you paint that?!" Will asked.

"I did." She grinned.

"It's beautiful." I said softly, setting my hand on her leg. "Thank you so much."

"Damn you're good."

"William!" I chided as mom laughed.

"Oh come off it Colbie, if he's in this family he's destined to have a bit of a potty mouth." I mumbled as Mom handed me a glass of eggnog too and I sipped on it slowly.

"Who do you keep texting?"  Derek nudged Reece who shrugged.

"No one."

"....you're not going to talk about her?" Josh teased. "You must really like her." He laughed.

"Are you dating someone?" Lila asked, grinning over at Reece who lets be honest, needed a girlfriend. Of all my brothers he was the most meddling.

"The only one dating someone is you. And we're not all happy about that one." Reece shot her a look.

"Yeah I know how you hate it when I'm happy." She spat back, but I could feel where Reece was coming frome. Lila hadn't been herself without Travis and it had been a little scary.

"My mom is dating someone." Will said, looking up from his new remote control helicopter to inject into the conversation.

"Are you?" Mom asked, beaming over at me as Lila looked nervous and I felt my face flush.

"I met him." Kolton piped up.

"You did?" Lila's eyes were wide as she blinked from him to me.

"He took me to Trentons." I shrugged.

"Who is he?" Parker asked, his eyes narrowed. Reece might be the meddling one, but the oldest Trenton was the most protective. I had to physically restrain him from finding Nick andd kicking his ass when he left me.

"He's-"

Lila

"He's a friend of mine." I piped in, saving Colbie from explaining to our family.

“Is he handsome?” Mom asked, smiling at Colbie.

“Very.” I grinned, since Jax was the second hottest guy I knew.

“Can’t be better looking than me.” Derrick grinned. “Did you hear I was on the sexiest man alive list this year?” I rolled my eyes.

 “You were 15^th.” I pointed out.

“Still top twenty!” He grinned, high fiving Josh.

“And yet you’re not dating anyone.” Colbie teased and Derrick laughed.

“I’m dating lots of someone’s.” He grinned, winking at Will.

“You are all too much like your father.” Mom said, shaking her head. “He never wanted to fall in love either.”

“Oh? Did you trick dad into it then?” Parker teased, the oldest remembering our Dad the most. But I remembered enough. He was crazy about my mom.

“I had my ways.” Mom grinned and Kolton made a face.

“That tone makes me think I don’t want to know your ways.”

“You’re probably right baby.” She said, kissing his cheek and making him wipe it off and shake his head.

“So is it serious with that guy?” Josh asked Colbie. Uh oh, back to my sister. That was a loaded question too, mostly because I didn’t even know the answer. All I knew was that they’d slept together and that he was apparently well endowed, no surprise there.

Colbie

“Um. I don’t think so. I just…..I thought it was time to start dating again.” I licked my lips, aware that my son was in the room.

“He makes mom happy.” Will said seriously. Everyone turned to look at him, including me.

“What do you mean?” Reece asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I mean she’s always laughing and smiling.” Will shrugged. “Even though I never met him I know he makes her happy again.” I felt like I was going to cry.

“What do you mean again baby?” I asked, cupping Will’s face.

“I mean I’ve never seen you smile so much Mom. Not even when dad was around…and after he left? You were so sad all the time.” The room was silent and I took a deep breath.

“I wasn’t sad all the time Will, I just….”

“You were lonely.” Will finished for me. I shook my head.

“I was never lonely. I had you.” Will rolled his eyes.

“I love you mom but you need more than just me.”

“Your kid is too smart for his own good.” Parker said. “I’m going to have to scoop him up for my company as soon as he’s old enough.”

“He got the brains from me.” Kolton grinned.

“Ha.” Josh laughed, but I was barely listening. I hadn’t known how transparent I had been.

Lila

“I have to go to the bathroom. Colbie come with me.”

“You don’t have to go in pairs at home you know.” Derrick pointed out. “What is that about girls?” Josh and Reece shrugged and turned back to the epic lego set one of them had gotten for Will. I dragged my big sister upstairs.

“Okay so spill, what’s going on with you and Jax?” Colbie licked her lips.

“Um….I think we’re dating. Like trial dating.” I blinked.

“What does that mean?” She shrugged.

‘He want’s to prove me something…I’m not really sure what it is.”

“Coblie. This is Jackson we’re talking about.” I reminded her. “I mean he’s a lot of fun but-“

“Stop.” Colbie shook her head and held her hand up to my mouth.

“Mmm?” I spoke against her hand and she sighed as she sat on the edge of the tub and set her head in her hands.

“I’m crazy right? I’m being a terrible person and a terrible mother and-“ It was my turn to stop us.

“Hold on.” I sat down on the top of the toilet and turned towards my sister. “You are not terrible, and you’re certainly not a terrible mother. What the hell Colbie?”

“I know I shouldn’t have gotten involved with Jax in the first place, but god Lila, he makes me feel-“ she stopped and sighed as she looked up at me. “He makes me FEEL.” I nodded. The Cole men had that effect on women.

“What is it that he wants to prove to you?” I asked slowly, thinking I needed to have a talk with my friend myself.

“That he can be with me.” She said softlly.

Colbie

My sister stared at me for a second.

“Like….like a boyfriend?” I shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want that?” She asked, ignoring the glaring problems. Like how Jax had never committed to a woman in his whole life, or how I couldn’t make decisions based solely on myself I had Will to think about. But when she asked me all I could say was the truth.

“Yes.” I liked everything about Jackson and everything I learned made me like him more.

“And you’re sure this isn’t some rebound thing from Nick?” she asked.

“No I mean, I wanted it to be, honestly…” I groaned. “Thank god you’re back with Travis or we’d both be a mess.” I sighed.

Lila

“True….Colbie are you falling for Jackson?” She blinked up at me.

“No it’s too soon for that….”

“I think you should give him a chance. I mean as long as you’re not just using him.” Colbie shot me a look.

“What?!”

“Jackson is hot, he’s charming I’m guessing he’s good in bed.”

“Oh god.” Colbie moaned and I laughed.

“I’m just saying he’s still human. If you’re not serious about him too you should cut things off now.” Colbie swallowed as she looked at me.

Colbie

Lila was right. I was trying not to take this too seriously for my own sake, but I didn’t want to hurt Jax either. I didn’t trust relationships but that didn’t mean that he didn’t have real feelings for me. And I think he might.

“I think I am.” I admitted. Lila looked like she was going to burst.

“That’s amazing Colbs.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Please tell me things in your life are less complicated.” I smirked. We’d both been spending so much time with work and our boys that we hadn’t had time for each other and that was rare. My sister was my best friend.

“Travis gave me a key to his place.” She smiled.

“What? Seriously?” She nodded.

“I’m trying not to make a big deal about it but-“

“Damn my recipe got you much more than laid!” I teased and she rolled her eyes. “See I can say things like that without being jealous because now I’m getting laid.” I winked.

“Thank god for that.” She laughed.

“Hey!” I poked her left side which I knew was the most ticklish and she squealed.

“Sorry but come on it had been like a year.”

“Longer.” I grimaced. “Can I ask you something?

Lila

Colbie’s face had turned serious and I softened to take in her question.

“What’s up?”

“…do you think I was ever really in love with Nick?” I licked my lips and sighed.

“I think you loved the idea of being a family. I think he begged you to marry him and you both thought it was the right thing, but Colbie….you always deserved so much more.”

“I did.” She nodded. “I deserved more.”

“And Will knows that too. You heard how he was talking downstairs. He’s thrilled someone is actually making you happy for once.”

“I’m glad someone is making you happy too.” Colbie smiled at me and I nodded. 

“We’re two pretty lucky bitches huh?” I shot my sister a suggestive look and the sound of her laughter filled the air.

“Must run in the family.”

steal some covers share some skin

"You're going on a date?" Will asked, his eyes wide as he looked back at me. I nodded.
"Yes. Is that okay with you?" He shrugged.
"Can I go on a date?" I laughed.
"Not until you're 16." He rolled his eyes, a habit he'd picked up recently.
"14." He countered.

something about the way you move

something about the way you move by ssaarah

I looked in my closet and sighed. Everything looked so. Mom. Or professional. There was nothing that really said girls night out anywhere. I used to have a hundred little black dresses but where was I going to wear them now? I gave up and got into my car, the sensible one of course, not the sporty one I'd always dreamed of having when I had the money, and drove to my baby sisters place. She opened the door and looked back at me.
"You look like shi.t." I told her seriously. She shrugged.